Expect Rodents- 1
YES YES THIS IS THE HAMSTER FIC EVERYONE HAS BEEN HEARING ABOUT
(A/N: this is the first chapter of a leggy fic that the members of Broadgay Hell convinced me to write
Margarita Schuyler had already had a long day before all of the rodents.
Not only had a pile of pottery dislodged itself from a tray fresh out of the kiln, shattering on impact, but she had also returned to the break room to find that someone had once again stolen her lunch. Eliza had stopped by earlier, she mused. It might have been her again. She didn’t even work at the Pottery Barn, she just occasionally snuck in if she was hungry.
She had also, while driving home, received a rather cryptic text from her flat mate, Gilbert.
Whatever that was supposed to mean. She scowled down at her phone, turning it off before walking up the steps of the apartment complex. Maybe she would get some sympathy from Gilbert.
As Peggy entered the room, she couldn’t help but notice the awful stench. What had Lafayette cooked this time?
She stood in the entrance hallway as her roommate ran up to her, abruptly stopping and awkwardly blocking the kitchen doorway. His hair was pulled up into a characteristic bun atop his head and he was noticeable disheveled.
“Hello Peggy!” he said, shifting his form to further block the kitchen. “How was your day?“
“Horrible, since you asked.” Peggy wrinkled her nose again, “What’s that smell?”
“Smell? What smell?” Gilbert responded, once again repositioning himself to better block the door.
Alright, Peggy thought. He wasn’t going to answer. Whatever he had done couldn’t have been that bad. Pushing past Laf, she looked around cautiously.
“Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Marquis de Lafayette, why the everloving fuck is my kitchen filled with hamsters?”
“What hamsters? I see no hamsters.”
“Gilbert, I’m going to ask you one more time. Why. The fuck. Are there hamsters in my kitchen.”
“They’re actually gerbils.” He replied nonchalantly shrugging.
“That doesn’t answer my god damned question.”
The kitchen was certainly a sight to behold. If you looked a bit closer, you could make out the stove and refrigerator, but it was difficult given that Lafayette had somehow managed to fit dozens of gerbils into the room. Peggy gasped.
“Well, you see,” Laf turned to face the kitchen, guiltily tugging at his sleeves. “I had all these hamster balls and I was like ‘hey, what am I gonna do with all these hamster balls?’ and so I filled them with gerbils,” he explained gesturing to the gerbils.
“In my defense, I meant to only order one, but they sent 72, so I had to order 72 gerbils to fill them all. You know?” Laf explained, rather poorly, but still explained.
“Why did want a hamster ball anyway? And why did you put gerbils in them instead of hamsters?”
“That I’m not sure of,”
Lafayette sheepishly sighed and walked over to her. She sniffed and backed away quickly.
“You smell disgusting!” Peggy shot as she recoiled.
“It’s the gerbils.”
“They too, smell disgusting.”
It was then that the ridicule of the situation finally set in. There was 72 gerbils, each contained in their own gerbil balls. In her kitchen. It was like something out of a children’s book. In the light of her terribly shitty day, she couldn’t help but laugh. Her laughter startled Gilbert, who jumped at the loud sound.
She sat down cross legged, still giggling, and buried her head in her hands.
Something knocked against her leg,and she looked down. Sat there in one of those stupid plastic balls, was a black gerbil. It sniffed at her, and she couldn’t help but smile.
“They’re quite cute, no?” Laf chuckled as he sat down next to Peggy. Peggy’s smile faded as she took her eyes away from the gerbil.
“Laf, you can’t realistically think that we’re going to keep 72 gerbils.” Lafayette’s face fell as he looked around the majorly disheveled kitchen before turning back to Peggy.
“You’ve had them for what, six hours, and the kitchen already smells worse than anything you’ve cooked in like, the history of renting this apartment. I’m including the freaky fondue incident.”
Laf looked around, genuinely impressed, and smelled the air again. It took a lot to top that. Peggy sighed as it became clear that the man didn’t understand the situation at all.
“In all seriousness, what the hell are we going to do with 72 gerbils.”
“That I am unsure of.”
“Marquis de Lafayette, this is easily the most stupid thing you have done. Ever.”
The pair sat on the for for another few minutes, marvelling at the gerbils as they rolled around the kitchen, occasionally knocking into each other. Lafayette, exhausted after a day of gerbil wrangling, leaned back on his elbows and stared thoughtfully at the ceiling, while Peggy continued staring at the one black gerbil that had run into her earlier. The conversation had lulled, save for the never-ending scratches of the gerbils.
A loud buzz at the door startled the two. They both jumped up, but not before Alexander yelled through the intercom to buzz them up, and Laf complied immediately. The pair heard loud footsteps bounding up the stairs toward the door before Hamilton burst through the door triumphantly.
“Dammit Alex! Why’d you have to beat me?” Laurens said in between gulps of air.
“I don’t know maybe because I’m faster th-” Alex stopped mid sentence and looked in the kitchen, amazed at what lay before him. “Are those hamsters?”
“No, Alexander, they’re lizards.” Peggy snipped, standing to face him “Of course they’re hamsters!”
“Gerbils.” Laf clarified for the second time of the day.
“For fuck’s sake, same difference.”
“Gerbils have long fluffy tails,” Laf muttered under his breath.
“Woah, looks like Peg’s grown some gerballs since we last saw her.” John added, snickering. Alex turns and gave his boyfriend a punch on the shoulder before doubling over in laughter alongside him.
The punch landed was harder than Alexander had intended, knocking John into a cabinet where an open packet of cinnamon fell on his head.
“Oh no, sweet cinnamon daddy John!” Alex choked out through his laughs. The cinnamon was definitely going to be a pain to wash out of his hair.
“As much as I appreciate the puns, I have to ask. What are you guys doing here?”
“This one,” John starts, before pulling his boyfriend into a side hug, “decided to leave his glasses at a restaurant on this side of town, so on our way back from picking the up we thought we would pop in.“
Alex giggles as he tries to squirm out of John’s grasp before adding “We didn’t know we’d find you balls deep with some gerbils.”
It was Lafayette’s turn to blush as Peggy smothered her laughter. A few gerbils fell off of a counter, landing on the floor with a desolate clunk.
Peggy sighed again as she once again looked around her apartment. Looks like her already long day was going to be even longer.