dorklyst

The 5 Most Embarrassing Moments in Batman Comic History

Bat-Baby. Just… Bat-Baby

Batman was turned into a kid, is mocked with the moniker “Bat-Baby” by some thugs, and then proceeds to put on a Sunday school outfit in an apparent agreement about his status as a baby. Whatever the twisted logic, it obviously works, as bad guys across the city are fucking terrified by a toddler in short overalls with full man-strength. Their gargled screams of “BAT-BABY!” are without any shred of irony. In the end, Batman is returned to normal size but we are deprived of a pivotal scene in which Bruce Wayne grows out of his clothes and is left  completely naked in front of people who wanted to turn him into a 4-year-old.

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The Dorklyst: The 6 Greatest

Videogame Theories on the

Internet


Videogamers and conspiracy nuts share a lot of common ground: both spend most of their time indoors, both post long, meandering tirades on internet message boards, and both stare at flickering screens all day. The only difference is that one group is playing Xbox, and the other is flipping frame-by-frame through Obama’s inauguration speech trying to spot his lizardman tail. But sometimes the groups overlap, and we end up with some crazy theories about our favorite games. Strap on your tinfoil hats, sheeple: here are six of the weirdest videogame fan-theories out there

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Generation I Pokemon

The Pokemon with the least healthy Body Mass Index is also one of your favorites, just barely edging out Venusaur to make this list. Was it his ability to block the normal flow of traffic? The fact that he would have literally slept forever if you didn’t wake him up with a flute? Basically, Snorlax is what we all aspire for: sleep and eat all the time, and getting to take naps in the middle of busy intersections without suffering any consequence (except being captured by an overenthusiastic child). 

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The 10 Greatest Star Wars Games of All-Time

  • Arguing about Star Wars - a pastime as old as the internet itself. But we thought it was time to settle one Star Wars argument once and for all - what are the best Star Wars games of all-time? And so none of you could yell at us for making decisions you disagreed with, we had you vote for it - 188,369 votes later, we have the top ten Star Wars games of all-time! Some of you may be happy, some of you may not be, but at least no one will ever need to argue about Star Wars any more ever again for any reas…ahhh nevermind, we all know this is only going to make things worse, like trying to make out with your brother to make an intergalactic drug dealer jealous.

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The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon

5. Pokemon That Hold Different Things

With evolution comes the use of more complex tools – this is evident in the fossil records of humanity’s own history. However, “holding two spoons instead of one spoon” is a little different twist on that concept. In the transition from Kadabra to Alakazam, the Pokemon grows a bit, but the primary difference is that it is now holding one additional spoon. Likewise, the “urr” line of Pokemon from Black/White (Timburr, Gurdurr, and Conkeldurr) get bigger and stronger, but tow different types of beams along with them (wood to steel to rock, respectively). Why each species has a specific type of beam is a little strange – surely Conkeldurr (side note: these Pokemon have some of the most insulting-feeling names) would do better with a steel beam than a couple of rock ones, right? Nope – he’s evolved now, so he has to use rocks.

It could be worse, though. Poor Farfetch’d holds a leek normally, but in his evolved form he – OH WAIT, Farfetch’d doesn't HAVE an evolved form. It’s stuck holding an onion as its only weapon for the rest of eternity. Someone get that Pokemon some Burn Heal.

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The 20 Most Evil Corporations in Videogame History

According to the vast majority of videogames (also: movies, TV, comics, etc.) out there, corporations are mostly huge assholes – constantly trying to wipe out humanity, develop crazy technology, and generally doing all kinds of malevolent acts in the name of the bottom line. They’re more than willing to actively murder their customer base, use their employees as glorified guinea pigs, and relentlessly pursue insane goals that must have been really tough to pitch in a board meeting (how many PowerPoints devoted to the pros and cons of a zombie apocalypse have there been?). Below is a list of some of the biggest, meanest job providers to face a miserable third quarter thanks to one plucky hero.

10 of the Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

Real life couldn’t have created an enemy more terrifying than your standard police officer; after all, what other civil servant has the state-sanctioned power to murder us, both with military-grade weaponry and egregious parking fines? True, most of your garden variety cops spend their shifts hassling non-violent drug offenders and telling rude teens to stop skateboarding on things, but a small minority employs the power of the badge to abuse their authority with criminal intent. Thankfully, the medium of video games allows us to seek vengeance against those who’ve fallen over to the icky side of the thin blue line — a more gratifying fate than seeing the traditional crooked cop punishment of extended paid vacation.

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The Dorklyst: The 13 Worst Escort Missions In Videogame History

This week saw the release of BioShock Infinite, a game that’s notable for many things, but mainly for essentially being one long escort mission that isn’t awful. In fact, the game tells you right away to not worry about your escort, and that she can take care of herself. After years of horrible escort missions where you have to protect incompetent bullet-magnets who would sleepwalk through the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, it’s hard to express what a joy this is. As a reminder of how well BioShock Infinite pulls this off, let’s take a look back at some of the not-so-good escort missions in videogame history.

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The Word “Senpai” is Hitting Critical Mass

“If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it’s that senpai will not be contained. Senpai breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, uh… well, there it is.”

-Dr Ian Malcom-kun

Here’s some more required reading for Dorkly’s Master Class on Pop Culture Trends:

The Dorklyst: The 8 Most Irresponsible Drinkers in Videogame History

There are a lot of things you should never do drunk - drive, text, walk, pretty much anything except “fall asleep and hope you wake up with a low-level headache.” The list gets even longer when you’re a videogame character, who should probably be saving the world or preparing for battle instead of trying to re-enact the SHOTS video. But that never stopped some virtual characters from takin’ a few swigs too many at some inappropriate times. These are the 8 most irresponsible drinkers in videogame history.

The Dorklyst: The 10 Best Multiplayer Maps in Videogame History

Multiplayer games have the unique ability of both creating and destroying friendships. Staying up til 3:00am beating a Left 4 Dead campaign on Expert will make you seriously consider adding that stranger who swooped in to replace the useless Bot after your 45th attempt to your last will & testament. And yet, sometimes they could cause a serious rift in your friendship with your BFF deeper than that of Protoss and Zergs. And much of the time, it’s all about the map. We now present the 10 best multiplayer maps in videogame history.

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The Dorklyst: The 8 Worst Videogame Raps in History

5. The Legend of Zelda

At some point, a Nintendo executive decided the only way to sell their medieval fantasy adventure games was through stilted, out-of-place raps. Unfortunately, no one questioned this guy’s decision-making for about 7 years, even when he demanded an extra from Revenge of the Nerds do some beatboxing while some other doofy 80’s kid performed a rap that sounded like it was written on-set 5 minutes before the cameras started to roll and the kid was just starting to get the hang of reading cue cards.

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The Dorklyst: The 8 Best & Worst Gimmicks in Videogame History

Gimmicks have always been a mainstay of the gaming industry – what better way to separate your game from the rest of the pack than by adding some weird, unique, maybe pointless feature? Sometimes the gimmick adds another layer of depth and makes your game more memorable – other times its annoying, stupid, or just plain bad. These are 8 of the best and worst gimmicks in videogame history.

Satan, El Diablo, EA…he goes by many names, but throughout he is the Devil – an entity of pure evil, usually ruling over Hell, and always causing trouble for the noble heroes of the world. In videogames, it’s no different – well, except you can usually defeat him and end evil’s reign forever. Here are ten games that took the highway to Hell with devil characters worth button-mashing right back to the underworld, listed in ascending order of soul-rending terror.

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If you’ve ever played a game so much that you dreamed to its soundtrack (I’m looking at you, Age of Empires II with the expansion pack), you know music makes or breaks the experience after a few dozen hours of gameplay. Luckily a lot of game developers do what radio stations do to break up the musical monotony: add a DJ, make them distinctive and funny, and when they’re truly great make them larger-than-life characters in the world around you. Here’s ten in-game radio hosts worth looking forward to as you push yourself to finally beat that goddamn level.