dorito husbando

Epic Rap Battles Of Tumblr

people who think bill cipher is a kinky sex god vs people who think blue diamond is a misunderstood woobie 

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Originally posted by mysterytwinsask

Listen HONEY, I know you think they’re real cute! / But I’d rather see the diamonds underneath Bill’s boot. Those giant ladies aint got nothing on cipher / his sexy way of walking sets my heart on fire! 

 Go bawl your heart out, don’t even try. / Blue Diamond’s tears are running pretty dry! Her wimpy governing could never keep homeworld under wraps. / With chaos and a hard-on, Bill Cipher has her #SNATCHED.

 You know he’s hardcore, he doesn’t take prisoners! / Unlike that snivelling worm, and even I’M embarrassed by her! Her giant forehead has way too much room… / that’s what they blew their budget on this time, I presume!

 It’s really bad to bully tumblr minors. / So since I’m 29 let this be a reminder. Good job, you tried. Somehow you failed this easy test. / At least I don’t worship a neon mess who doesn’t know how to dress!

Originally posted by charlesoberonn

Haha, what a nice try. / You know I hate it when Blue Diamond cries! Her pout and cute smile means she’s totally redeemed! / What do you mean she runs a fascist regime? She really isn’t even all that problematic / Unlike a certain someone, whose dick you worship. 

He’s a tiny triangle. There’s really nothing there! / But my diamond has ass and tiddies to spare! She’s hella fleek with ALL her style and grace. / Your dorito husbando doesn’t even have a face! 

“An ugly neon mess who doesn’t know how to dress?” / Go off and deepthroat a cactus! Your hatred of her seems terfy and aphobic. / Do you hate mentally ill people? Of course you would you huge dick!

Your attempt was all right, but futile nonetheless. / Going after her looks was one of your missteps. Her soft heart and meaningful character arc / Will mean way way more than that demon who likes like a human fart!