dorced

raythebrutallyhonestguy  asked:

I saw your blog and I must ask one thing for people I know: Why didn't they take the eagles? It's a question, not a way to piss you off.

Hello! Thank you for asking.  :D Gotta love the Eagles.

Lots of reasons!!! 

We all know that the fantasy genre is all about suspending your disbelief. When you’re reading a work of fantasy, you can accept anything….as long as it’s given an explanation that’s consistent with its world’s rules.  The explanation doesn’t have to perfect, it just has make enough sense for us to buy it. The “real” reason the Ring can’t be destroyed by an axe is because then we wouldn’t have a movie. “The Ring can only be destroyed in the Fires of Mount Doom because Evil Power Magic”–we accept that because it’s the premise of the film. “The Fellowship can’t take the Eagles to Mordor because these reasons”; that’s also something we’re supposed to accept. 

And the thing with the eagles is…we are given plenty of acceptable reasons/explanations? Reasons that might not be perfectly realistic (because nothing in fiction is perfectly realistic) , but are logical enough for you to suspend your disbelief.

In fact:

Hey, any fellow Tolkien Dorcs! 

Reblog this post with Reasons why the Fellowship couldn’t have taken the eagles to Mordor?

If you feel like it. You don’t have to but it could be fun.

My favorite is:

1) Mordor has tons of Anti-Eagle Defenses, making it impossible to enter by eagle

As screenwriter Philippa Boyens said during the film’s commentary: 

 "Why does everyone always say that(they could’ve taken the eagles)?! The flying Nazgûl on their Fell Beasts would have stopped them! How much more obvious does that need to be?! Mordor has flying creatures too!“

Originally posted by mirkokosmos

And in addition to the Fell Beasts/Nazgul, Mordor has plenty of orc archers at the ready. This is the universe where even a  powerful dragon like Smaug could be killed by a single arrow.  (Just one arrow! Killing a dragon ten times the size of a Great Eagle, and covered in armor-scales!) The book The Hobbit confirms that eagles fear archers, because arrows can grievously wound them. Gwaihir, the Lord of the Eagles, nearly died from an arrow wound.

 And even if you don’t buy that a single normal arrow could kill an Eagle (which it could) remember that Mordor weapons are often poisoned (like the arrows that nearly killed Faramir) or cursed (like the Morgul Blades the Ringwraiths carry, or in the Hobbit-film-canon the “Morgul Shaft” arrow that almost kills Kili.)  And Mordor has catapults! 

“But we see the Eagles in the Battle of the Black Gate and they seem to hold their own against the Fell Beasts!” Yeah, but 1) most of Sauron’s ground troops are occupied with fighting Gondor’s army– so there are no archers to shoot the eagles. 2) Sure, the Eagles can fight the Fell Beasts…..but would they be able to do it while people are balancing on their backs????????? Watch that final battle scene again and imagine Frodo on one of the Eagle’s backs, flopping around trying to hold on as the Eagle does all those cool spiraling-sideways and upside-down moves. Frodo would fall off and die. Splat. The end. Roll credits. 

There’s also the fact that “the broil of poisonous fumes”  Sauron creates can’t be all that safe to fly in.

TL;DR: A flock of eagles isn’t discreet– they couldn’t sneak in. They’d be spotted from miles away. 

And a military tens of thousands strong excited to begin war, thousands of archers, skies full of poisonous fumes, the War-Bats referenced in the Hobbit (book and film) and at least nine horrific-dragon beasts…all the might of Mordor…would fall upon on the group at once.

Only one Eagle would need to die for the Fellowship’s mission to fail– Frodo’s. And with all Mordor attacking them, either it or Frodo certainly would. 

I leave you with this:

5

“Since both Gina Rodriguez and Daveed Diggs are black and Jewish, I say they should play family in something. I’m not necessarily saying Supergirl!Gina and Superman!Daveed, but if that happened…”

      – hijadepavlov

[ superfamily fancast ]co-created with hijadepavlov

daveed diggs as clark kent/superman | gina rodriguez as kara danvers/supergirl

cameron boyce as connor kent/superboy | danay garcia as lois lane

mehcad brooks as james olsen | meagan good as alex danvers | melissa fumero as lucy lane

david harewood as j’onn j’onzz/martian manhunter | salma hayek as cat grant

li jun li as lana lang | trai byers as lex luthor 

lauren vélez as eliza danvers | giancarlo esposito as jeremiah danvers 

sophie okonedo as martha kent | dorce gamalama as joan kent | tracee ellis ross as lara lor-van | lenny kravitz as jor-el

First kiss with Sirius Black

So, yeah. Two posts in one day- get me! This is a one shot that I wanted to do because… durr, I love Sirius Black :)) It contains some alcohol consumption and very mild themes, but yeah…

I hope you enjoy:)

Dorcas Meadows oozed confidence. (Y/N) watched as the girl danced with Sirius, her silky blonde hair flying around as he threw her about, making her giggle. He too wore a huge grin on his face, and they were both laughing openly together. It sounded so sweet and looked so picture perfect that (Y/N) felt a pang of jealousy in her chest.

What’s wrong with you? She chided herself. Since when did she care who Sirius Black danced with? She quickly decided she didn’t- he was welcome to any girl he wanted- and grabbed another firewhisky to wash down the strange prickle in her chest. Feeling more confident, she strode over to speak with Frank.

Keep reading

Io c'ho provato co’ la mi’ regazza
“Senti teso’, ‘o famo 'n bambino?”
Lei se rigira co’ l'occhi da pazza
“'A smetti de fa’ sempre 'r cretino?”
Er fatto è che io dico sur serio
Anche se so’ solo un ragazzo…
“Che dici teso’, 'o chiamamo
Valerio?”
“Senti Matte’, m'hai rotto 'n po’ er
cazzo!”
Allora la pio, la bacio e l'abbraccio
Je stringo li fianchi e pure la mano
“Ma senza de te io come faccio?”
“Me sa che staffa’ troppo er
ruffiano”.
Ce provo e riprovo, nun me rassegno
Pure se semo solo pischelli…
“Sai quante cose 'n giorno je
'nsegno?”
“Je 'nsegni a balla’ e a fasse 'i
spinelli?”
“Sentime amo’, so’ 'n padre perfetto”
Sta 'n attimo ferma e poi scoppia a
ride
“Te devi 'mpara’ a pulije er
culetto…”
Incrocia le braccia poi me soride.
Occhi nell'occhi, diventa più seria
“Non vedi che stamo senza 'na lira?
Pe’ non parla’ poi della cattiveria…
Dentro a 'sto monno pieno de ira”
Ce penso 'n po’ su poi je risponno
“Se quarcheduno je vòle fa’ male…
Je pio la capoccia poi je la sfonno!
Lo sai che so’ peggio de 'n animale”
“Senti Matte’, er punto 'n è questo.
Dovrai rinuncia’ a bevute e fumate.
Poi sei disposto, risponneme onesto,
A rimane’ sveglio pe’ intere
nottate?”
“Io pe’ mi’ fio so’ pronto a fa’ tutto”
Dico co’ 'a voce più dorce che posso
“Pure se torno a casa distrutto…
Basta che 'o vedo e già so’
commosso”
Lei se raddrizza e tutta impettita
“Torni da do’ che 'n lavoro 'n ce
l'hai?”
Poi ce riflette e 'n po’ divertita…
“Guarda che è 'n fio, mica 'n
bonsai!”
“Non basta guardallo tutto
commosso
Pe’ fallo cresce sano e ar sicuro.
Fa’ 'sti discorsi mo è 'n paradosso…
Se ce riflettemo mejo in futuro?”
“Sarà pure presto pe’ fa’ 'na
creatura”
Je dico co’ 'n tono forse orgoglioso
“Un giorno vedrai che senza paura
Diventerò padre e sarò favoloso!
Prima m'aggiusto 'n po’ la capoccia
Trovo un lavoro, serio e pulito
Poi sarò pronto a esse 'na roccia
De me sarai fiera, io t'ho avvertito.”
—  Er Bestia, Poeti Der Trullo

Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot (Parigi 1796 – Ville-d'Avray 1875)

Orfeo guida Euridice fuori dall’oltretomba

1861, Houston, Museum of Fine Arts

olio su tela, 112 x 137 cm

 

 -

Ecchice qua paa seconda puntata daa serie Orfeo. Che se svorge in un paesaggio de Corò, bello malinconico denso de poesia. Corò faceva paesaggi a tutto spiano, e pure quanno nun ce mette drento na storia, ce sta sempre comunque st’atmosfera de magia, che da dietro n’arbero o na roccia po’ spuntà fori na ninfa o n’erfo. È ‘a pittura che ‘i renne magici, co ste pennellate sfrangiate e i colori sfumati che pare sempre che c’è ‘a nebbiolina der mistero. Qui, sto mistero è quello dell’ardilà, che sto boschetto è ndove l’anime dii Greci se ritroveno da morti.

Devi infatti da sapè che Orfeo, er musicista pluripremiato dieci vorte disco de platino, ciaveva na moje, Euridice, che se volevano ‘n sacco bene. Sfiga volle che sta moje morì. Orfeo nun se dava pace, e decise de annassela a riprenne giù all’Inferno. Inizia a scenne, e incontra Caronte, che traghetta l’anime da de qua a de là e che ‘o blocca e je fa “abbello, guarda che pe annà giù devi da esse morto. Ndo sta er pass? In lista qua nun risurti. Vedi de annattene và”. Ma Orfeo je comincia a sonà na canzone d’amore strappacore tanto che Caronte se commove e ‘o lascia passà. Poi incontra Cerbero, er cane a tre teste, che se mette a abbajà in triplo stereo. Stava quasi pe tiraje na sarsiccia pe fallo stà bono ma poi pensa “bada ‘a sarsiccia maa magno io che a camminà m’è venuto un certo languorino”, e invece je inizia a sonà na musichetta così dorce che Cerbero guaisce un par de vorte, se accuccia, e se appisola. Orfeo va ortre.

Insomma scenni scenni, a forza de scalette e de sonate, ariva dai sovrani dell’Inferi, Ade e Persefone. Che all’inizio se stupischeno e se arterano pure, perché che ce fa sto vivo qui ner regno dii mortè nostra? Ma pure qua, Orfeo sfodera ‘a chitara e je comincia a fà tutto un concept arbum sull’amore suo perduto, tanto che piano piano l’occhi de Ade e daa moje se inumidischeno e sniffe sniffe Ade se arza e fa: “Vabbè và, guarda, che nun se venghi a sapè ai piani de sopra, ma dato che sei così bravo, pe te vojo fà ‘n eccezione. Taa ridò, Euridice. Però, carcola che lei è n’ombra. Nu ‘a pòi vede. Solo quanno che sarete de novo aa luce der sole ‘a potrai riabbraccià. Tu comincia a risalì, che lei te viè dietro. Fidete. Nun te vortà, mai. Perché si te vorti, è finita.”

Orfeo tutto felice se mette ‘a chitara in spalla e inizia a risalì. Mentre che saliva sentiva li passi dietro de lui. E ogni tanto pure na vocina, moscia moscia, che diceva “Orfè, sò io! Perché nun me guardi? Nun me vòi più bene? Sò Euridice tua! Mortacci de Ade, sò diventata cozza a forza de fa ‘a muffa qui ar buio, e mi marito nun me ama più!”. A Orfeo je se strigneva er core, ma zitto, nun se vortava, tirava avanti. Nun vedeva l’ora de scì fora e potè bacià all’amore suo. Ecchela ‘a luce, ‘a vede in fonno ar tunnel. I passi se fanno più grevi, Euridice je sta appresso, ma poi sarà davero lei? Nun è che se sò sbajati e m’hanno rifilato n’antra? Che se sa come funzioneno st’anagrafi, sò n’inferno! Ancora un pochetto, dai, stamo quasi fori. I passi però mo je sembra che sò meno chiari, oddio, ma che s’è fermata? Vòi vedè che m’hanno solato? Orfeo gna fa più, basta, se gira: ecchela lì Euridice sua, e l’ha vista pe l’urtima vorta. Ha disubbidito, e lei scompare inghiottita nell’ombra, pe sempre.

‘O so, è na cifra triste. Ma vor dì che tutte ‘e cose umane, l’amore, l’arte, cianno un limite. ‘A morte sta in agguato, semo schiavi de sto tiranno infame, er tempo. E si uno poco poco se inorgojisce e se pensa de potesseli scordà, sti limiti, sbànghede! ecco che ariva na tortorata che te ricorda subito chi sei e er posto tuo. E Orfeo, che se pensava caa poesia sua de potè vince ogni ostacolo e esse eterno e capì e vedè tutto, se ritrova solo, cojonato, e cor core infranto.

Episode 1: "Rogue One"
John Podesta's Pizza Party
Episode 1: "Rogue One"

John Podesta’s Pizza Party - Episode 1: “Rogue One”

A comedic culture and politics podcast covering current events in life, the media, and government. Hosted by Jayme Karales (Rotten, Convenience Store Diet), Kenney Dorcely (Wizard, The Hutchcast), Christoph Paul (author of Great White House), and filmmaker Hans Lam Barboza.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

  • Introduction (00:00:15)
  • Kanye West Meeting with Donald Trump (00:01:36)
  • Racism / Racial Slurs (00:04:00)
  • The “Alt-Right” (00:08:32)
  • Adult Swim Cancels Million Dollar Extreme Presents: World Peace (00:14:55)
  • Media Narratives (00:28:12)
  • Kenney’s Plan to Handle Drug Addiction (00:32:49)
  • PizzaGate, Comet Ping Pong, and Spirit Cooking (00:36:41)
  • Star Wars: Rogue One (00:43:22)
  • Terrence Howard’s Small Penis (00:44:17)
  • Kony 2012 (00:46:56)
  • The Star Wars Trilogy (00:47:30)
  • The Fallout of the Election (00:51:19)
  • The Left’s Communication Troubles with The Right (00:58:02)
  • Fake News and “Fake News” (1:04:00)

Subscribe to John Podesta’s Pizza Party on iTunes

CASTING CALL: Looking for Actors Ages 18-29 for ‘Man Kills, Jesus Saves’

Are you an actor age 18 to 29 interested in starring or being featured in an upcoming movie set to film later this year? If so, we may be searching for you.

ThatLitSite editors-in-chief and Practice Makes Perfect duo Jayme Karales and Joel Amat Güell are currently casting the next UnHollywood film, which has been described as a cross between Sleepaway Camp, Hausu, and John Carpenter’s The Thing.

Set in 1988 West Virginia, ‘Man Kills, Jesus Saves’ centers around a Bible Studies camp for children ages 6-16 led by the ever 'hip’ youth pastor Duane Sheppard Jr. As his collective of Christ-loving youth counselors begin setting up camp for the season, a series of strange happenings occur that rattle the members of the site. Things escalate further when several of the counselors are murdered by an unidentified killer.

In the midst of this, Duane and the camp itself face the potential of scandal and condemnation due to long held rumors of inhumane treatment and 'gay correction’ therapies surfacing in an article released by The Village Voice. Duane struggles to cover up the murders to avoid further bad publicity and attempts find the killer before things progress to the point of no return.

Written and directed by Jayme Karales and produced by Joel Amat Güell (The Extractor, Practice Makes Perfect) and Kevin Sommerfield (Don’t Go to the Reunion, Dismembering Christmas), Man Kills, Jesus Saves stars Jayme Karales (Practice Makes Perfect, The Hutchcast) as Duane Sheppard Jr., Michael Malkiewicz (Practice Makes Perfect) as his toady Bobby Jon Reinhold, and features Alex Hand (Practice Makes Perfect) and Kenney Dorcely (Gooby Pls) as two of the camp counselors.

If you are interested in receiving more information about the roles, please contact ThatLitSite@gmail.com. Men of all races, shapes, and sizes are welcome to contact us and audition — all that we ask is that you meet the criteria of being between 18 and 28 and available for a 6-10 day shoot in late August or early September. Best of luck!

Desember

Udah masuk bulan Desember aja. Beberapa orang yang gue kenal banyak banget yang putus di bulan ini, entah kenapa. Lagian nggak ada hubungan juga sama bulan Desember, gue cuma bingung mau ngawalin cerita ini kaya apa.

Jadi begini sis, gan, mbak, mas. 
Gue kagak suka ngomentarin hubungan orang sebenarnya, getek sendiri, hubungan sendiri aja kandas mulu ngapain ngomentarin hubungan orang. Janjian sama tukang seblak bakal disisain satu porsi tapi pas gue ke sana eh warungnya udah main tutup aja. Sama tukang seblak aja gue dibohongin, bangke emang.

Tapi, ada beberapa hal yang ngebuat orang-orang bodo amat seperti gue ini jadi gatel ingin ikut komentarin hubungan orang. Salah satunya karena hal apa? 

Yak benar. Karena hal itu.

Salah satunya adalah itu. Ke-lebay-an hubungan di sosial media. Gue tahu itu hak para antum, tapi ane pan sebagai pollower-baik-hati-yang-ngepollow-antum-karena-fotonya-unyu-unyu juga kan jadi otomatis ngeliat. 

Yaudah ribet lo. Unpolow aja kalau nggak mau liat kehidupan gue sama pacar gue! Tinggal unpolow? Ya nggak gitu juga sih, foto selfie antum sering ane like soalnya. Jadi serasa sayang aja kalau unpolow antum. 

#halah

Nah begitu. Beberapa banyak orang sering banget update kemesraan di sosial media. Dari taraf hanya sekedar ngasih tahu rangorang kalau doi dah kagak jomblo lagi. Sampe taraf kaya pamer ke rangorang kalau mandi pun mereka berdua. Ish.. padahal gue berharap ada 3gpnya. Bukan sekedar Jpg doang.

Mesra banget, sayang-sayangan selayaknya dia nomero uno. Setiap kejadian diceritain, diabadikan, hingga orang lain harus tahu dengan comment.

“ISH FOTONYA BIKIN NV”

Gue bingung apa itu NV, apakah merk celana dalam seperti VS? Atau apa? Ternyata setelah dieja pake KBBI, artinya ENVY. BANGSAT!! MAKIN BINGUNG AJA SAMA BAHASA ANAK MUDA!!

*tip-x tanggal lahir di ktp*

Gue daritadi mau cerita lama amat ya ke inti ceritanya. Yaudah intinya jadi begini. Ente upload banyak banget, mesra banget, semua diupload, diabadikan. Di path update mulu. Makan di baso pinggir jalan Mang Ja’i, tapi update di path ngetag locationnya di “Siliwangi Swiming Pool.”, Mesra banget sampai-sampai gue tahu gimana cara dia nembak, tanggal jadian, umur, kemana aja hari ini, dan seterusnya.

 Eh tahu-tahu bulan ini putus. 

Dulu antum bilang,

“He’s the one. Dia melengkapi kekuranganku.”

pas putus malah bilang,

“Kita udah nggak cocok.”

NGGAK COCOK MATA LU SOEK?!
Semudah itukah? Secara tidak langsung orang-orang yang seharusnya jadi prihatin malah jadi sedikit tertawa. Mereka seakan berkata, ‘Yaelah ujung-ujungnya putus juga, udah kaya suami istri begitu foto-fotonya. Udah pake panggilan Bunda segala lagi.’ 

Parah kan?
Padahal yang boleh pake panggilan bunda kan cuma Dorce Gamalama.

Terus mendadak foto di instagramnya berkurang drastis. Dari total ada 985 foto, eh pas putus malah tinggal 120. Anjir fotonya lebih banyak daripada jumlah follower gue di instagram. Terus setelah beberapa hari dia putus, entah bagaimana caranya tiba-tiba doi update lagi sama pacar barunya, pasang foto langsung mesra.

Sebenarnya itu hak dia sih. Tapi orang-orang yang ngikutin dari awal langsung pada jadi bakal mikir yang aneh-aneh kan. ‘Njir mantap juga nih orang, putus, jadian lagi, terus fotonya udah begini lagi. Wah gampang nih berarti.’ . Ck ck ck.. anak muda jaman sekarang, kebanyakan makan mecin nih pasti.

Jadi, pokoknya jangan pernah tinggalkan sholat.

Udah gitu aja. Sebenarnya gue juga nggak tahu lagi ngebacot soal apa dari tadi tuh. Tapi gapapalah, gue diam-diam juga mendukung beberapa orang untuk sering update, apalagi yang alasan gue ngepolow mereka karena fotonya emang bikin berontak. Mau update mesra-mesra kek, putus kek, jomblok kek, gapapa aku mah nonton aja.

Nah, mungkin begitu saja cerita singkat dari gue yang bijaksana banget sore hari ini. Beberapa pesan moral dari tulisan magnificent gue di atas bisa dirangkum menjadi beberapa point.
1. Tukang seblak nggak pernah bisa nepatin janji.
2. Kelebay-an di sosmed terkadang memicu orang-orang jadi berbicara di belakang antum.
3. Raja Iblis Pikkoro dikabarkan menjadi peserta Tenka Ichi Budokai yang kedua demi mengalahkan Son-goku.
4. Hanamichi Sakuragi masih belum bisa mengalahkan Rukawa dan Sendoh.

Gue menulis ini bukan untuk nyir-nyir. Gue nulis gara-gara iseng nunggu pesanan seblak yang kagak dateng-dateng dari tadi terus di sebelah gue ada anak-anak SD lagi ngomongin tentang akun instagram mereka. Pas gue curi-dengar layaknya detektif dan membuka akun mereka, ternyata gue menemukan banyak foto doi lagi mesra-mesraan sama pacarnya padahal masih sama-sama kelas 6 SD.

Bangke!
Nyesel gue bukanya.

Internet Star Brittany Furlan Steals Vine, Adds Racism

29-year-old Vine star Brittany Furlan has recently come under fire for a recent video titled “Uber drivers be like…”, released days ago. In it, Furlan dons a stereotypical accent and garb to portray her Uber driving character. Since then, she’s been accused of ‘racism’ by a number of her fans.

Today it’s been revealed that Furlan’s controversial video isn’t even original, but a carbon copy of a popular Vine released earlier this year by comedy duo Jayme Karales and Kenney Dorcely. 

Their video, also titled “Uber Drivers Be Like…” has the same premise, editing style, and remarkably similar jokes to Furlan’s video. The difference? Theirs was released 4 months ago…

This is not the first time Furlan has been accused of stealing vines. 

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youtube

Marvin: The Corn Man (2014)

Marvin Rottimere has a dark and strange obsession: corn. Here we view a profile of the corn hoarder, as he professes his love for the vegetable and predicts our future as a species without it.