Things are getting kinda gross around here lately. How gross? A Raisinet corpse and then a dude with a soft-boiled egg for a face gross. Oh, and that corpse, yeah that just IS THE REAL HARRISON WELLS. It’s not I don’t know…normal? Is normal a word I can use anymore? Probz not. But it’s not normal! Even for me. Think happy thoughts, Cisco. You met the Black Canary and she was just as badass as you always dreamed she would be. You can’t tell anyone, but what else is new? Okay so here is why I’m freaking out - besides the obviousness of my daily stresses - it’s the new guy, Everyman. The shapeshifter is uh… he’s really messing with my head. I’ve been extra careful not to touch him because I DO NOT want to be staring at an evil doppelganger. Barry gave me the list of everyone Hannibal Bates (that’s his real name…. no joke) touched. And I was ready for Bate’s version of Iris or Eddie but the dude did not play fair. So I had to bring in reinforcements.
Pipeline, meet Dante. Dante meet Pipeline. I briefed my older brother as much as I could about the Everydude. Dante responded with just about how everyone else outside of S.T.A.R. labs does when I start talking shop. He zoned out. Welp, he can see for himself. I know it’s not part of the rules, but screw it. I need help here, people.
I called up Everyman’s cell and there he was… just sitting. With the head of Barry and the body of Bates’ grandma. Heels and all. Then he switched again. Head of Iris, body of Eddie. Honestly, if it weren’t so freaky it would be hilarious. “This is what you’re so stressed about, little bro?” Dante said, half-breathing between laughs. Yes! We came up with a plan. If Hannibal remembered who he really was, maybe then he’d stop treating my friends’ bodies and heads like the revolving wardrobe from Clueless.
That afternoon, Dante and I went to Grandma Bates’ house. We grabbed all of Hannibal’s childhood photos and a few odd knickknacks that might spark a memory. Dante downed a few of those candies all grandmas have then we were ready to go. We just had to wait for Hannibal’s rec time then we could do the real work. We set up his cell like a bedroom. Or we tried to with all the items we had. Shocker, Dante is actually an awesome interior decorator. The place looked good. I thought the plan might really work.
But then, Hannibal returned. He was pissed. Screaming and crying that he wanted everything returned to the way it was. He closed his egghead eyes before he could even see the photos. I don’t understand. Dante said some people want to forget who they really are. Who would prefer to mess around with the identities of others and be a blank and mad creepy blob instead of the normal looking dude from his pictures? I guess I can’t help everyone. Metas trying to kill me I can deal with but this existential sadness and pain is not my forte.
Until we meet again. LOVE YOURSELF. Whoever you are.
Okay. What? This guy looked like Dante, and the violet-eyed devil didn’t like it one bit; He could’ve sworn he’d seen him leave the shop a long time ago in completely different clothing. And thus Alastor narrowed his eyes, glaring at this person; “..Good evening. Could I be of assistance?"