Shiro was, needless to say, a wreck. There were meaningless syllables cooed to him through their own struggled emotions. Lance had tried to kill himself, it was as simple as that.
Except it wasn’t.
Shiro knew, and the thought that he knew constantly felt like someone was stabbing him in the gut, stealing what pained breath he had and throwing him into space so he could freeze to death. Shiro knew that Lance had tried because of him, because of how the black paladin had scolded him, because of how he told the man to know better. Oh how Shiro hated himself. The idea that in Lances head it was his voice that had morphed into his dark thoughts and actions, it was Shiros voice that told him to end it.
That was definitely the worst. The thought that in Lances final moments before swallowing the pills, in those seconds it was Shiros voice, it was his baritone hissing at him to “do it.”
Shiro was a wreck, this supportive confidant, devolved into a crying, shaking mess.
When the pod hissed open, Shiro was there, to be fair in the multiple weeks that the scrawny blue paladin had been standing, solemnly in the device, the bigger man had hardly left his side. Most of the minutes passed as Shiros elbows dug into his knees, hand cupping his mouth. He looked up as the door swung open and Lances figure slid out, collapsing onto the floor limply. Shiro was at his side in an instant, scrambling over to the gaunt figure, picking him up and letting his arms drape around the blue paladin. “Lance..?” There was a sense of eeriness in how stable his voice was in the silent room. The man beneath him groaned in response, flipping his head to Shiro. He smiled through hazy dull eyes and his voice was rough, like he just smoke an entire pack of cigarettes.
“Are you that desperate to get your hands on me?”
Shiro gave a slightly pained expression, a small smile dancing at the edge of his lips. “Are you ok?”
He was suddenly pulled away by hunk who threw him a scowl that he seemed to have plastered on his face every time he made eye contact with Shiro. It was short lived as Coran called something or other and figures started piling into the area, Hunk picked up Lances weak figure and set him on a table, similar to the one he had been laid on weeks prior.
Shiro stayed where he was on the floor, dazed, rushed voices saying panicked things that he didn’t register.
Lance was fine, and spending a lot of time with Shiro. They would go into the Black Paladins room to talk and Shiro would apologize profusely and cry into Lances chest, Lances fingers would run through his hair and soothe the man to sleep, only to disappear before he woke.
Shiro was mumbling something to Lance as the got ready to go and train. “Stop apologizing for something you couldn’t have stopped.” The blue Paladins voice was steady and confirming, Shiro turned to him with a sigh.
“You tried to kill yourself lance, only hours after I told you off, there’s no way the two aren’t connected!” He exclaimed, sliding on his fingerless gloves that helped grip the blades. “I feel awful and you just accepted the apology like it was nothing! That’s not like you, I know you still resent me for it.” He strapped the velcro over his hand, stretching his fingers absently into the material.
Lance took a step towards Shiro and cupped his face, the two had been close in the week since he had stumbled from the pod. Lance had comforted Shiro and his thoughts, had soothed the open wounds that he carved into himself while the paladin was away. He leaned into the intense touch. “Sometimes you need to forget, to move on, it’s hard but you need to do it. Even if it’s hard because what happened leaves you broken and alone to your thoughts, you can move passed it, regardless of how difficult it is, you WILL move pass it.”
“Thank you Lance.” Shiro could feel his eyes dampening and someone pulling out his vocal chords. When he looked down there was no hand around his neck, even if it felt like he was suffocating.
“Shiro?” Keith’s voice rang from the doorway and the bigger man flipped around to address the raven. He was about to greet him when he was met by a look of pain and sorrow and everything unreadably bad. He took a step back “did…” he raised a weary hand to point at Shiro, the red paladin had tears forming in his eyes. “Did you just…” he couldn’t bring himself to say it, still the strangled vowels fumbled from his mouth “thank Lance?” His voice cracked.
Shiro gave Keith an even, confused look, furrowing his brow and scowling to the smaller man who’s hand trailed to cover his mouth. “Yeah, I did.” He said cautiously “he’s talking to me about… things.” There was a sense of explanation in his voice that met apprehension, Keith didn’t need to know what they were talking about.
Keith very obviously choked on a sob “Shiro?” He mumbled through his fingers “Lance is…” his other hand drew to his mouth as well, his tears welling to the point where they trailed down his cheeks.
“Lance is dead, Shiro.”
Shiro scoffed at him, “no he’s not, he’s right-” the man froze as he turned towards Lance who had disappeared.
…to be continued…
(This is the second last part to the entire story!)
A/N – A request
from a sweet Nonnie: “I can feel the start of the flu hitting me…as terrible
as I feel, the one thing that’s making it okay, is imagining Dean taking care
of me and being all sweet and cuddly and loving and yeah. :) Any chance you’d
be willing to write a story about that? Where Dean takes care of the reader
when they’re sick?”
I hope you felt better very soon
after you sent your request in. :)
You’d lied to them; you still felt a little bad about it,
but you knew you’d do the same thing if you had it to do over again.
When Dean told you about the hunt Sam had found, you were
already starting to feel under the weather.
Your head was starting to hurt, and as much as you were hoping it was
just allergies or something simple – something that you just needed a couple of
aspirin and a nice long nap to get over – you knew that this was something
more. You were cold – freezing actually
– and hadn’t been able to warm up. You
felt feverish, but pushed it away. After
all, if you didn’t admit you were getting sick, it would go away, right?
‘Why are there so many more girls here than boys?’
'Because 'boys will be boys’ is a self-fulfilling prophecy,’ said Lundy. ’ They’re too loud, on the whole, to be easily misplaced or overlooked; when they disappear from the home, parents send search parties to dredge them out of swamps and drag them away from frog ponds. It’s not innate. It’s learned. But it protects them from the doors, keeps them safe at home. Call it irony, if you like, but we spend so much of our time waiting for our boys to stray that they never have the opportunity. We notice the silence of men. We depend upon the silence of women.
Man has gone out to explore other worlds and other civilizations without having explored his own labyrinth of dark passages and secret chambers, and without finding what lies behind doorways that he himself has sealed.
How many fantasy novels do you run across with an asexual main character? Not enough (and in fact, this one is technically a novella). Here you will also find a transgender character and explicit discussion about gender roles and nonconformity.
Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard by Rick Riordan
Each of Riordan’s novels is more inclusive than the last,but we don’t meet my favorite argyle-wearing pottery-making genderfluid einherji until book two (The Hammer of Thor). Book 1, of course, is still well worth the read (Muslim Valkyrie? Yes please.)
The Will of the Empress by Tamora Pierce
The Circle of Magic books were a staple of my childhood. Imagine my delight when one of the main characters comes out as a lesbian in book 9! Plus, in books 1- 8, we get Lark and Rosethorn, two ladies living together in domestic bliss who raise our main characters. Start this series with Sandry’s Book.
Everyone know the feeling of going into a room and forgetting what you wanted to do not even seconds after you went to go do something. And of course, the aliens would be baffled with it because who just forgets a task just by walking through a door. Impossible! Then they might worry that someone had hid a device in the doorways that erases humans thoughts and is brainwashing them. Cue all humans being shoved into a room and not being allowed to leave while some other alien in droning on and on about how their are humans, they are crew members of the ship they are on and a bunch of other stuff to insure that the humans don’t have their memory erased completely while they try and find the devices so they can destroy them. Of course there were no devices found.