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I was looking at a ton of feminist stuff, so I wanted to have my go at a story of mine.
I met this guy at high school my freshman year, and he seemed cool enough. We were interested in most of the same things, but when we lost contact over the summer I couldn’t help but notice that he seemed a bit weird, and I even heard that he had crushes on multiple girls and wouldn’t leave them alone. I tried to avoid him a bit, but always ended up talking with him again when the school year started up again.
It all got a bit too much for me the summer before my senior year. He tried to get in contact with me and wanted to meet up whenever possible, but luckily for me I was taking an internship at the time and always used that as an excuse. He ended up giving away my phone number to a friend of his without my consent, and I was subjected to both of them trying to get in touch with me for a while.
Finally, I figured he had some sort of crush on me and told myself that I would turn him down if he asked me out. When he happened to mention us dating one night, I decided to make sure he was asking me out, and when he asked if I wanted it to be a date I said:
“Well, no. I’m not interested in dating, and I don’t see you that way.”
And the conversation ended. Literally, he just didn’t respond.
But he didn’t leave me alone. While dating was never mentioned again, he continued to try and hang out with me, and the friend he gave my number to told me he was planning on asking me to a school dance when school started again. I was super uncomfortable, but too shy to tell him to leave me alone. Finally, I asked my friends to help and they took my phone, telling him I was annoyed with him.
For the next few hours I was subjected to his friend flipping out at me and telling me I could’ve been nicer, that I shouldn’t have gotten my friends involved. When one of my friends texted the guy that liked me and told him to leave me alone, he said that he would but he only wanted to be with me so much because he was depressed and going through some rough things and thought I could be there to help him. While he has left me alone for the most part, he still comes to me and honestly it continues to make me feel uncomfortable.
I know that my situation is nowhere near as awful as other girls’, but what I wanted to say was: don’t let ANYONE try to justify their creepy tendencies or advances by making it about them. Cause that’s what this guy did: after he learned what he was doing was making me feel annoyed and uncomfortable, he tried to turn it around and make it about him. And maybe he does have depression, but at the same time that doesn’t justify continuing to advance on a girl that doesn’t want that kind of attention. And if a girl continues to tell you that they’re always busy when you want to hang out with them, it probably means that they’re not interested and want you to leave them alone.
I need feminism because I know that this won’t be my only story. As I grow up there will be many more times I’m subjected to inequality, because that’s how the world works. The first thing I need is respect for being another fucking human being with an opinion that might not agree with yours.
The next is being seen as an equal, not something to be won or shut down. Because at the end of the day we’re all human beings, and it doesn’t hurt to have some fucking desency, or at least a little respect for one another.