Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

“Some girl totally fell in love with you last night”

‘Oh really, who?’

“The blonde girl”

'What was she saying?’

“Well she was crushing on you hard so she wanted to know what ur deal was. I said u dont date. Then she asked if u wer single and i said yeah but then we all got real drunk and all yeah. Haha she has a crazy girlfriend anyway so”

'Lol!!! She has a gf! And was askin about me! … Of course, this is the type I tend to attract’

After over a month of no speaking, I received an email from you and seriously I would have preferred to gouge out my eyes than read that. You can’t live two fucking lives, you can’t love me and fuck other girls. Stop fucking with me and leave me to move on.

The guy that I had a thing with told me he wasn’t a virgin and then his best friend threw him under the bus and said he never had sex and I feel bad because I laughed really hard because like, I don’t care if you’re not a virgin and now he’s mad at me and oops….