i thought that u needed 2 have panic attacks as part of the diagnostic criteria for generalized anxiety disorder but according to the DSM apparently not and now im like Oh. bc for years ive been like “nah i cant actually have any sort of anxiety thing bc i dont have panic attacks” and then i look at the diagnostic criteria and it might as well say “do u act like richy? thats it thats the criteria”
(Eliza, i'm worried. u ok ?? :/)(phantasticpheels)
im okay. very tired. still dealing with a massive issue that i dont feel its appropriate for me to discuss. also its just been a very busy weekend with my sister-in-laws baby shower so ive not been around. i promise i will answer messages asap. its just been a rough weekend.
30 day otp challenge
day 29: doing something sweet
It was in the middle of the night, where they both lay sprawled across on Misaki’s bed, that Saruhiko said it.
“You know.” his voice was barely a whisper and there was a high probability that Misaki hadn’t even heard him. Maybe Misaki was asleep. “You know, I really love you.”
The bed stirred as Misaki shifted, to turn and face him, looking at him with gleaming, hazel eyes that glinted in the moonlight. There was nothing on that face to give away what he was thinking, and Saruhiko wondered how Misaki got so good at holding up a poker face.
He shifted just a bit, and resisted the urge to move closer, to gather Misaki up in his arms and maybe tell him he was sorry, once again, for all the shit he’d done before. It was in the past. He’d said sorry a million times. But there was no harm in a million and one.
As if reading his mind, Misaki came closer and blinked up at him as his arms found their way around the smaller’s frame.
“Is this uncomfortable?”
“It’s okay,” Misaki said, and there was no way to tell if he was answering the question, or reading Saruhiko’s mind. His hand came up, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Saruhiko’s eyes.
“You know,” there was a pregnant pause and then Misaki smiled. “You know, I really love you too.”
daily reminder that: i love an angel named kasi wow my life is blessed by her everyday i hope she is happy and healthy and not stressed and that her summer school is all well ((i know it is bcs wow she is v smart omg)) and that she sleeps well and drinks plenty of water okay i love u v much take care ❤❤❤❤💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇🙇🙇🙇
~ have you ever had a friend that just blesses you each and every day? bc i do and im in love [and wow me?? smart?? nah fam i dont think so but i’ll take all the compliments i get lmaoo]
yesh yesh 💛💛💛 i’ll drink water 💙💙💙 gotta stay hydrated ❤️❤️❤️ wow, okay jen you’re making me cry with all this love but im okay. *as i cry on the floor* i’m def okay. dont worry about me babe 💘💘 i lob u from the bottom of me meme heart
Y/n was completely speechless looking at him, tears brimming her eyes. “I’m sorry Calum, I cant. I’m so sorry.” she cried. Y/n turned around opening the door, quickly walking to the elevator. Calum stood there in shock to her response,but he ran out trying to catch her. “Y/n!” he yelled.
Y/n felt horrible leaving so suddenly, never knowing how much of an impact she had on him. She only wished to give him a better life, for him to be happy but she wouldnt be happy moving back to California with him, everything would be the same. Y/n would be miserable again.
I wish I could promise you that Calum, I really do
Y/n waited in front of the elevator impatiently pressing the button. She so badly wanted to run back into Calum’s arms. To try to reason with him into his decision. The door slowly rang open,she stepped inside pressing the first number on the elevator button when she heard Calum calling after her, “Y/n!” She saw a glimpse of him turning the corner just before the doors shut. The floor levels going down slow. y/n leaned on the wall, “I’m so sorry.”
Stopping at the hotel main floor, y/n ran out, leaving the hotel foyer into the freezing night of winter, the moon and streetlights being the only source of light.
Cold, condensed air escaping her lips, hands in her pockets taking the sights of the dark sky walking down three blocks back to her apartment.
The key slowly unlocking the front door, stepping inside her quiet home. She threw the key on the table heading for bedroom. Y/n stripped herself off of her clothes and into her pajamas, onto her queen size bed. Staring at the ceiling reliving the moment she visited Calum again, over and over. Wishing it went differently.
This isnt how I wanted to say goodbye
“Fuck!” Calum yelled in frustration, trying to think of a way to see y/n again. Things were being thrown around the room, clothes, empty bottles, anything he got a hold of trying to think of a way. His chest felt tight thinking of y/n, how it felt to have her under him, her body close to his. Y/n always made things better even when he was in a bad mood. Y/n made everything a million times better.
I have to see her again
There was a soft knock on the door before it opened, “Calum?” he turned around thinking it was y/n but it was just Ashton. “Dont forget we have to check out by 11 tonight.” he reminded, Calum sighed grabbing a cigarette and his lighter needing a break, “Right.”
shoved his hands in his pockets, “Hey-um did someone came to see you by any chance?” Ashton wondered. “Yeah y/n.” he said without any emotion in his voice. “Oh-ho-”
“She ran off.” Calum interrupted. Ashton gave Calum a confused look, not sure what he meant by that. “I’m sorry.”
Calum shrugged looking out the window. “Well I’m going to leave you alone.” he said awkwardly letting himself out. Calum went out into the balcony lighting his third cigarette, strong winds hitting his body glancing at the cloudy dark sky. He sighed heavily, thinking about how he promised her everything. He would give anything up it that meant he could be with her again.
Calum felt relaxed inhaling the last part of the cigarette, stopping it on the ground going back inside. He packed all of his clothes inside his suitcase, cleaning up a bit before it was time to leave still thinking o a way to find y/n.
A loud knock was being heard on y/n’s door while she asleep, at first she didnt hear but it became louder. Her cat pounced on her stomach trying to wake her; she groaned loudly, “What.” turning over to the nightstand, getting a hold of her phone showing the time of 3:28 am. “Fuck.” she said as the knocking became louder and harder. “Hold on!” she yelled getting off of bed. Stretching out her arms, she went out to the living room, opening the door wide in anger, “What! Wait-Calum?” she said surprised.
“Hey.” he said nervously, “We need to talk.” letting himself in, y/n closed the door after him to exhausted to ask how he knew where she lived. “Calum dont you have to leave soon for your flight?” she wondered.
“Dont worry about it.”
“Your going to miss your flight if you dont leave!” she replied.
“Not until we talk.” he said.
“What’s so important to talk about thats going to make you miss your flight.”
“Look I know what you said last night, but I cant let you go. Please I cant go back home without you I need you to be here with me. And if not then I will stay here with you.” grabbing a hold of her hand, “You cant, you have to go home Calum.” she soothed. Calum disagreed, “I cant.” y/n knew he was going crazy at this point, “I’m sorry. I’m going to call a taxi for you.” y/n went out to get her phone but he got a hold of y/n’s waist, smashing his lips on hers. Calum’s partly chapped lips on hers, tasting his cigarette breathe not even resisting. Calum wrapping his arms tights around her tiny waist, remembering every moment they spent together. Y/n realizing how much she missed this.
Calum let go of the kiss, resting his forehead on hers, “I love you, and I’m willing to give up anything for you.”
“I love you Calum.” she admitted, crying on his chest grabbing a hold of his shirt shaking her head, “What’s wrong princess.” he soothed rubbing her back, keeping her close. “This cant work Calum, I’m sorry it wont.” she sobbed. “I cant give you want you want, I wont be happy if I do.” Y/n looked up into his eyes, “ You cant leave everything you worked for me please, you cant leave your best buds and millions of your fans for me. This is just another bad breakup.”
He shook his head in disbelief, “No it’s not y/n we cant end like this, were married. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and only you.”
“I cant give you that.” she whispered. Calum continued to hold her close refusing to let her go.
“I’m sorry y/n I never meant for you to feel like this in the first place, I wish things were different. It’s all my fault.” he cried.
“No Calum.” she looked up at him wiping away his tears, “I’m sorry, I never wanted for you to worry when I left I wanted you to move on.”
“How can I move on when your constantly on my mind.” he whimpered pushing her hair behind her eyes. Y/n held Calum’s soft face wiping off his tears with her thumb, “Baby promise me you will find a girl who will love you better than I ever will, that will give you what you always wanted. Continue to have fun with your best friends playing music for your fans. Dont worry about me okay? Please?” y/n begged.
There was no point of auguring with y/n anymore, but he would try to do it if that made her happy, “Okay, for you y/n. I will always love you though, forever and always.” he said kissing her forehead. “Forever and always.” she repeated giving him a half smile.
“I’m going to call a taxi for you okay? When does your flight leave?” she asked asked.
“In about an hour.”
“Okay, you can take a seat on the couch and relax.” she said pointing to it, Calum hesitantly walked over taking a seat while y/n went to get phone calling the taxi service.
“Taxi should be here soon.” she said coming out of her bedroom. Y/n went to sit next to Calum, resting her head on his shoulders. They sat there in silence, admiring each other. “Come here.” Calum said guiding her to sit on his lap. Her legs laying across his lap having her head buried in the crook of his neck. It felt nice having y/n on him again like before.
“So how is living here?”
“I love it, there’s so much to do here.” she mumbled.
Caum hummed in response. “Are you excited for tour?” y/n asked.
“Yeah I’m super pumped but a bit nervous.”
“Your going to do fine, you always do.” she smiled. “Mhm.” Calum hummed holding her waist. James came out of y/n’s room walking into the kitchen, “Who’s that little guy.” Calum said. Y/n turned around seeing James hop on the table, “That’s my cat James.” she giggled “He’s a weird cat.”
“I’m more of a dog person.” Calum joked, “I know you are.” she laughed.
They continued to stay there in silence, close to each other until a loud car horn went off from outside, “I think that’s your ride.” y/n whispered getting off of him. “Right.” Calum stood up grabbing his suitcase heading for the door, “Oh and Cal?
I need you to throw all the stuff I left back at home if there still there.” Calum sighed, knowing it was going to be hard throwing everything they have, but he would still keep the photos, “I will.”
Y/n went on her toes giving him on last kiss, “I’m going to miss you so fucking much y/n.” he admitted. “I love you, and I always will.” giving her a tight hug. The last time seeing y/n again. “Bye Calum.”
I fade away, lost inside a memory of someone’s life It wasn’t mine
He walked out of her apartment complex outside to the taxi. He threw his suitcase in the back seat, joining with the driver in the passenger seat. Calum looked up at her window as the car drove off thinking of what y/n said, about moving on, throwing away her stuff; and honestly he couldnt do it, but he would try for y/n, if that would make her happy.
I was already missing before the night I left Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets Who am I? Who am I when I don’t know myself? Who am I? Who am I? Invisible
Calum paid him the fee after arriving to the airport, getting his suitcase from the back seat heading inside. Fans were still there screaming, he really wasnt in the mood for pictures. He went passed them finding his boarding area, not caring less if he missed his flight of not.
The TV giving out information on flights for departure, leaving in twenty minutes. Wondering around the airport until he found the rest of his band. “Calum where the hell have you been were about to leave!” Michael yelled. He turned around to the three of waiting for their flight. “I went to see y/n again.” he admitted.
“Oh how did that go? Is she coming back?” Luke asked. Calum sighed glancing down, “No, she couldnt do it.” Michael, Luke, and Ashton gave each other worried looks. “I’m sorry man, maybe its for the best.” Michael added. “Maybe.” he said.
Flight 1429 now boarding to Los Angeles, California.
“That’s our flight.” Ashton said, everyone grabbed their belongings getting in line. No one talked during the wait, the three boys wanted to give Calum space for a bit. Give him time to think.
The line got shorter and shorter, Calum showed the attendant his plane ticket, walking down the terminal onto the plane putting his suitcase above him. Taking his seat plugging in earphones waiting for the plane to lift off.
Another day, the walls are built to keep me safe I can’t escape, it’s too late
Watching the city lights 20,000 feet in the air, splattered stars covering the sky. Dark plane, the quiet snores of people and some awake. Wishing y/n was beside him holding her hand making their way back home. But instead going back home alone admiring the same stars y/n saw when she left years ago.
A/N: Yeah so that’s the ending of Invisible. Sorry if its not the ending you hoped for! I still hoped you enjoyed it so glad a lot of you guys loved it! xxx
A/N: I apologise this is my first ever Stiles/Void piece I’ve done and it’s probably awful. You the reader are the new girl at school when you decide to stay behind after school only to come face to face with Void Stiles.
It had been three weeks since I started school after transferring, but it still felt like my first day everytime I walked into the building. I hadn’t made any real friends, just polite conversations with the odd person. Allison had been really nice but she just so happened to be bestfriends with Lydia Martin. She was never nasty but to be honest talking to her felt like talking to a brick wall. I had debated many times trying to make conversation with her in the corridor on the way to my locker but honestly, she terrified me. Her and Allison also seemed to be pretty preoccupied lately. Talking in hushed whispers in corridors, it didn’t feel right to just go up to them and ask if they wanted to hang out some time. I was just about to get to first period when a figure pushed past me. “Oh erm sorry”. The voice came from Stiles, a cute boy from my science class. He had dark rings around his eyes and I could see that he wasnt really there. “It’s okay dont worry about it”. He gave me a small smile. And was about to turn away when I plucked up the courage to talk to him. “Hey are you okay?”. I was genuinely concerned, the guy looked like shit. I mean he was still drop dead gorgeous but honestly he looked as if he could pass out any second. “Im fine, honestly”. A genuine warm smile was sent my way making my heart melt. “You’re y/n right?”. “Right” I copy. “Stiles we need to talk” a stern voice called from behind me. It was Lydia. “Okay thats my queue to go” I chuckled turning and starting to walk away. “Hey y/n” Stiles called after me. “Yeah”. “Thanks”. He smiled at me again and I couldn’t help but smile back. I really hoped he would be okay.
The day passed by slowly and I didn’t see Stiles or Lydia for the rest of the day. I swear these guys were rarely in class. I felt my mind wander into uncharted territory. Were Stiles and Lydia together? They seemed very close. But then what business is it of mine. I’m just the new girl.
I stayed around after school had long finished, studying and trying to catch up with all that I had missed during my transfer. Before I knew it, I look up to notice the time. 7pm shit. I should be home by now. Not that mom would notice. She works nights at the hospital which sucks. I grab my things trying to keep quiet. If a janitor or someone caught me I could be in trouble for trespassing. I could argue the librarian hadn’t bothered to tell me I had to leave but she seemed no where in sight and I should have kept an eye on the time.
I start to walk out grabbing my bag and books when I hear a pair of footsteps approach. I hide behind the nearest bookcase. I really don’t want to get into trouble so soon after starting school. The main library doors swing open and im shocked to see Stiles sauntering in. A cold expression plastered on his face. He looks around slowly coming to a stand still. There’s something about his movements that seem… off. I should have came out from where I was hiding but my feet seem glued to the spot. “Don’t you know its rude to spy” he calls out. I keep quiet. “Not going to answer me huh? Guess I’ll just have to find you then little bird”.
He saunters over to a bookcase near mine and hovers his hand near it making tapping motions with his fingers through the air. Clearly not satisfied he then strolls right in front of the bookcase im behind. I dont know why im so afraid at this point, I should just show myself. This is obviously just Stiles playing some kind of game. But what the hell is he doing here so late on his own? Just then he pulls me from my thoughts and pushes the books through where im standing having them land besides me in a loud thump making me jump up and yelp dropping my bag and books. “What the hell Stiles!” I shout. Angry now. “They could have landed on me”. “But they didn’t” he says, his voice sounding bored. “Not the point asshole”. He chuckles then. Though it isnt joyful like the normal Stiles. It’s darker, more sinister. “What are you doing here so late little bird?”. “Don’t call me that. If you can’t remember my name just ask” I bite at him. “Oh I remember your name alright y/n, just think little bird suits you better”. “Well I don’t like it”. “Well that’s not up to you little bird”. We stare at eachother for what felt like forever. I hadn’t realised my hands till now curled into tight fists at my sides, my nails digging into my palms. I open them and try to appear casual. Stiles tilts his head examining me and making me become increasingly more uncomfortable by the second. I clear my throat hoping to pull him from whatever thoughts were going through his mind. “What are you doing here so late anyway?”. “I could ask you the same thing”. “I’m in a library what do you think I was doing, besides I asked you first”. Someones firey tonight. I was looking for you actually". “Me?”. “Yes you”. His tone starts to change, becoming more agitated. I can tell he doesn’t like all the questions but I press for more. “And why’s that?”. “Because you’ve kind of been on my mind since this morning so I came looking for you”. “You could have found a less creepy way to go about that”. “What you don’t like games little bird?”. “Not that kind no. I nearly had a heart attack”. He moved then, one arm came towards me as he placed one hand on my chest over my heart. I take a step back but he leans in close to me. His face inches from mine. “Hmm you have a delicate heart little bird”. My throat hitches as he touches me. His hands are unnaturally cold. “Stiles. Are you okay?”. “Oh I’m more than okay”. He shrugs pulling his arm away from me. “You sure? You seem weird and you’re pale. My moms at the hospital, I can get her to check you out”. I reach out then andbtouch him on the arm. He looks down at where my arms connecting with his. His tongue flicks out and he wets his chapped lips. “I said I’m never better, besides you have more important things to be worrying about little bird”. Im cautious now. Realising im on my own with Stiles I take a step back from him towards the door. “What do you want from me Stiles?” “That is the question isn’t it. What does Stiles want with little bird. Well you see I was looking for you at your house, you of course weren’t there and I thought to myself, the new girl doesn’t have any friends yet. No one to hang out with after school, no one to turn to. She’s completely alone…”. “Thats not true…” I say my voice growing quieter. I thought Stiles was supposed to be a good guy hell he was being an ass. “Shh shh it’s okay, look at me. I said look at me”. His hand reached out to cup my chin and bring my head up to meet with his gaze. “You see I could use a… Friend. Would you like to be mine little bird?”. “But, you’ve got friends. Lydia, scott, Allison, you have plenty”. “ I don’t want them, I want you”. His eyes had grew darker. No longer that beautiful bright amber I’d seen this morning. “Me. Why me?”. “Because there’s something about you. You’re lonely and you’re suffering. I can feel it, its all around you. I could make it go away. Together I think we could have some fun. What do you say little bird. Want to play and create some chaos?”.
Stiles wanted me? I dont know what had gotten into him today but hell I mean I didn’t really know the guy apart from what I’d seen in class. Maybe this was what he was really like outside of school. The way he was behaving during our interaction had scared me up until the moment he had said he wanted me. Then I was putty in his hands. Worst is I could tell he knew it. Watching me with a smirk on his face while I made a decision. Being very fucking patient to say the least. “What comes next? If I agree to join you in whatever it is your planning. We pull a few pranks and stuff then what? I mean I got to be honest I’ve never even prank called someone” I chuckle nervously. “Your innocence intrigues me little bird. But I don’t need you to mastermind some great plan. I already have one of those. What I want from you is something much… Deeper”. “Deeper, what are you talking about?”. “How about. I show you, all you have to do is close your eyes”.
I’m sceptical but I do as he asks. I cross my arms over my chest feeling vulnerable. I hear him take a step towards me and I’m certain he’s just inches away from me. “Stiles…”. I start to say but I’m cut off by his lips connecting with mine. In that instant I let out a moan. My arms fall to the back of his neck as I pull him closer to me. I feel him smile against my lips but he doesn’t pull away. I feel his hand travel up my body making light tapping motions with his fingers till he reaches my face where he rests it. All of a sudden a wave of pain shoots through my body. I try to pull away but he grips my side keeping me close to him. My eyes shoot open and before me is a sight so shocking I’ll never forget it. Black veins trail up Stiles arms a look of pure ecstasy is etched on his face. It was something I could never imagine in my worst nightmares, something unhuman. “Get off me your hurting me! I cry out”. But he’s too caught up in whatever it is he’s doing to me that he doesn’t appear to hear me. All of a sudden he pulls away from me. I drop to the floor a wave of exhaustion coursing through me. I crawl away from him. Tears fill me eyes. Stiles looks at me then. That dark smile etched onto his lips once more. He take a step towards me and I get ready to make a break for it. “There’s no point running, you’re too weak” He says nonchalantly. “What the fuck was that!? What did you do to me?!”. “I took it all. All that pain. You gave it to me”. “What are you?”. He crouches before me a hand reaching to stroke my face but I recoil from him. Scared he’ll hurt me again. “Don’t you feel better little bird? I’m sorry it had to go this way but if I told you it was going to hurt you would have never agreed to it”. “yeah you’re right about that” I bite. “It’s done. I’ll never take from you again unless you ask me too”. “I will never…”. “We’ll see about that little bird. Now back to that kiss”. “You cannot be serious”. I shout. “Now that little bird, I have never been more serious about”. He looks at me intently. His tongue comes out and licks his lower lip. “Let me show you just how serious I am”. This felt so wrong and seriously fucked up and yet all I wanted to do was kiss him. Before I could make possibly the worst decision in my teenage life to date Stiles stands up suddenly. His head to the air listening intently. He locks eyes with me but only two words leave his mouth. “They’re here”.
You gonna have to twist my arm to convince me i dont have to worry about Yang (okay no more puns… hopefully)
Yang’s plot is the smallest of the volume (at least of the 4 mains) and im trying to think why… and MAYBE i have a reason, and its basically the reason why im not mad at the sudden jump from sulking in pity on chapter 4 and then “looking fine” by chapter 9: DO YOU REALLY WANNA WATCH YANG BEING A DEPRESSED MESS ALL THE TIME???? I varely could handle that at the end of volume 3… its was heartbreaking.
But well, Yang’s story this volume was basically recover teraphy to get back and while she had help… it wasnt the best of help we could get. Dont get me wrong, i love Taiyang, but… a semi broken guy helping a breaking girl with so many issues she dont wanna talk about? My worries are there for all you to see.
And while by the end of the volume we see her on her way to most likely Haven to meet back with Ruby and all of us are glad to see Yang “back”… well… right now im listening to “Armed and Ready”… and im SO WORRIED something bad will eventually happen… cant put my finger on why… but Yang’s attitude from now on will be an interesting beast to check.