dont even say anything its my first time making one of these

The signs:

Aries: Something about you makes my blood boil in a unique, uncomfortable way, you are full of mystery. You have black holes for eyes, remarkably, that are too intense for most people to look into. You have no control over your greatness, you were born this way. Notice it and blossom. Not a single person on earth can blossom like you can. Not a single person can blossom like you will. You have great and empowering words to say in this life, make sure to say all of them without fear. You are not afraid. Be great.

Taurus: You are so lovely, the embodiment of nature, the embodiment of all the naturality in life created by the one and only, engulfing creator. I remember losing you and all nature that surrounded me seemed to shrivel and die. My heart ached when I heard the crunch under my feet of every dead leaf I walked upon. It brought me so much pain, i felt like death. I lost my vision and a bright white light came over me, fading into a soft glow and all I could see was your face. If I was dying, this was my glimpse of heaven, it made me want to die. I would rather die with your image in my mind than not have you in such a short, sometimes seemingly meaningless life such as this one. Perhaps you were just too lovely to be with someone like me, perhaps too lovely to be in my filthy grasp. You are my glimpse of heaven. How I long to be able to tell you that. How I long to be able to sing to you and whisper you the sweet words I never did. I am so sorry.

Gemini: I feel so naked when I’m with you. You strip me of my walls, you strip me of my guarded defenses, leaving me completely and utterly vulnerable. You shatter any mental boundaries I possess. You open my mind to the awareness of a mind. You show me to simply have a mind, such a power house is astonishing. You leave me breathless with your aura and creative, rhythmic way of speaking to everyone. You introduce open mindedness like no other, freedom like no other, a genius. With you, losing my mind and falling into madness is okay, almost a necessity. In life there simply seems to never be enough time. You show me how to embrace the lack of time we all have, you show me that death is the inevitable and that its not as important as we make it. The important thing is to experience life fully, entirely, with every part of our being. To be thankful of the rare oddity, the rare adventure we have all been gifted with called life, to dance with the music of life. I swear I’m out of my mind and that’s a wonderfully beautiful thing. Thank you for teaching me that.


Cancer: I would make love to you in the sweetest, most enticing way because I deeply believe you deserve to be made love to like no other. I hope you remain soft, I hope you have the strength to. I say this even though I know you will. You have always remained selfless, you have always remained kind, somehow. I do not understand how someone can turn such pain into beauty. Your creations are just as beautiful as you are, that is so admirable. You shock people with such generosity, you are completely, utterly and naturally divine to the point you are unhealthly wanted by every pair of eyes, even the blind. I swear its like the blind regain their sight in your presence. People notice you in a crowd, don’t doubt that. People especially notice you when you think you are not being noticed. You are the most beautiful conscious being and that will never change. You have angel lips as sweet as honey, your voice is melodic. I have always ached and dreamed for you to love me. Please one day love someone like me. Your being is so lovely that I can’t help myself from hopelessly weeping. You are a walking art piece, a priceless masterpiece. I lost everything the first time I looked in your eyes. I lost everything.


Leo: Remember that people want to be like you, just as much as you want to be like them. You can be admirable of others, you absolutely can be, but live your life knowing without a doubt that you are the best there is. Countless people admire you and want to be just like you. Effortlessly you shine brighter than the sun itself and when you smile, every pair of knees weaken, instinctively and inescapably bowing down to the ingenius design you are. Your mind and appearance radiate exuberance. I pray you can fathom just how special and gifted you are because you yourself are the unfathomable. You are inspiration and ambition, the abstract dreams I have at night that inspire my creativity, that lead me to create the never before seen. You are surrealistic art, our God’s most treasured and individualistic specimen. You are not only that but also the sun that lights the entire sky, you are the sun beams that sink into and warm my skin when I stand in such brilliant light. You are the light that keeps me from opening my eyes, preventing blindness but how I foolishly dont mind and long to go blind by such greatness.


Virgo: You remind me of sleep but you also remind me of night terrors. I feel like I don’t know who you are, slightly fearing you. Seemingly the most difficult puzzle to put together. I wonder and ponder if you are the worlds never ending puzzle, if I will ever figure you out, i have never been able to entirely comprehend your depth and mystery. You are almost frightening, shockingly and startlingly enchanting. You are hypnotic and maneuver with magic. I do not know the depth of your mind and apart of me never wants to. I enjoy the enigma you are, forever intriguing and intelligent. Ask me personal, peculiar questions and I will unintentionally and completely open up to you, instinctively trusting you. Your questions are always intense yet tender, your mind must be filled to the brim with intellect and perplexing art. Your mind is a masterpiece and your soul is ethereal. Extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world. I hope you can live with and fall in love with your sly mind. I am in love. May you always be yourself, may you feel everything you are meant to feel in this life and may you surface from the darkness.


Libra: You are the bittersweet lonliness that the sad and dreamy ones feel midday, swirling like the wind, leading long, lovely hair to flow, swirlingly and gracfully making your way through clothes, sending goosebumps down backs, leaving a lasting, cold and drowzy sensation. You’re the words in a book that readers grow tiresome of until finally falling asleep, leaving them with their adventurous dreams connected to the adventurous story they just took in. I see you in every free, soaring bird. I feel you in every unique and precious song that lively birds compose. You are melody, rhythm, sound, the grand orchestra. You are poetry, expression, a famous sonnet. You walk with fearlessness, you live with each lovers name you’ve ever loved written and embedded on your flashy skin. You are autheticly rare and always ready to entirely open yourself up, to let the flowers you encompass within bloom for all to see , appreciate and mesmerize. My god, do people mesmerize you.


Scorpio: I’m so lustful of you, lustful out of complete, biting love. I’ve never fallen so deeply and madly in love with a soul, It is insanity. You are full of demons that I face from loving you everyday and I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you and live with them, deep inside, haunting and strange. I have been face to face with insanity, letting your wickedness and sin make its way within me. It all makes me more infatuated. No matter how hard I try to find your core, your raw center, I can never seem to dig deep enough, I can never seem to withstand the screams, painful howls and blackness that your inner monsters let out and intensely sophocate me with when I try. When I give up, it’s like you see my vulnerability and you see it as me being submissive, knowing this is when you can strip me naked and consume me entirely, this is when you know and are proud of the secrets you keep from me, this is when you know you own me because I will fail to figure you out, i will fail to get anything from you yet continuously crawl back for something, for anything I can get from you. You have me in a trance that I can’t snap out of, you need the control because it brings you security and deep, sinful satisfaction. You experience a sense of peace in knowing that you can cause me to feel pain so that you won’t feel so alone and lost in your own. I want to make love to you and feel the pain I experience from being in love with you. I am incapable of leaving you alone, regardless of the sorrow i experience. I will never let you feel alone. I will feel this pain with you, right by your side, my ride or die. You are not alone. Maybe this isn’t love, maybe it is just madness but I’ve always been mad.. but not as mad as you.


Sagittarius: You are the book of everything, a book holding all the knowledge in existence. You are the infinity sign, you are lively, always hungry for life and full of wisdom. Youre the feeling you get on a hot summer day, laying in the center of a sweetly scented meadow, taking in every bit of the sun, not being able to suppress a tight smile. Feeling at complete peace, no worries or a feeling of weight on your back, feeling free and open in the mind. I want to be alone with you and hear you speak about all the things that go on in your head. I imagine you have a billion things to say, or maybe nothing to say, it doesn’t matter. All you have to do is exist and you are performing one of the most incredible things possible. People forget that simply being alive is utterly mindblowing in itself. You give inspiring advice and shock people with your spunk and inner lightening. I appreciate your uniqueness and ability to be open to every side of a spectrum. You are the instant, refreshing feeling you get from diving into a cool pool on a hot day, your my child hood memories, you are the embodiment of an entirely fulfilled life. Your soul has lived a thousand different lives, you will exist for eternity. You are existence itself. Live free and die free, make your inevitable mark on this world. It belongs to you.

Capricorn: no one’s ever ready for what you’ve got to offer to this world, you can do so much with so little and have an achingly powerful mind and aura. You don’t have to do anything to shock and mesmerize mankind, just be yourself. You change the world with your ambitious actions, you change people simply with your way of presenting yourself. You are intelligence, skillful and have the ability to accept time, accept that everything takes time. That’s something a lot of people can’t do. You can do so many things others can’t, but you are not flashy. You are low-key while remaing self assured. Maybe you experience a lot of self doubt, but im telling you right now, you shouldnt. Your jokes and attitude are like a fun house, utterly amusing and dirty, sometimes scary. You are full of original ideas that you can easily bring to life. I hope you know how much you actually benefit and effect our species. You have immense purpose, see that you are the greatest and anything you want can be obtained. I hope you know how attractive and special you are. Absolutely outstanding.


Aquarius: life is a lonesome experience, you understand that more than anyone. You carry the weight of humanity itself with you everywhere you go on your back. To fit in seems like a maze that is unsolvable. Your aquarius minds are unending, no limitations, you are mad men. Not only ingenius but geniuses yourselves. You obtain something no one else can obtain and this can never be taken away from you. Nobody quite understands what makes you different, you dont even understand it yourself but you feel it deep within your bones. “I do not belong here, I do not belong anywhere and I don’t want to belong anywhere.” So hard to comprehend or understand, you are utterly perplexing but so fucking beautiful. I can’t fully convey in words how astoundingly beautiful each and every one of you are. Let someone take a look into your eyes and theyll travel through space, adventuring and absorbing the sight of multiple universes. Let someone take a long look at your face and watch them get lost in mesmerization. Magnetic, mystifying, heartless, mythical beings. A world such as this one does not deserve you or your revolutionary touch. You are the lone, last star of each ending night, still shining brightly as the sun begins to rise. Glowing alone to express your individuality, glowing as brightly as you can until the sun puts you out but you are always going to be there again when the sun goes down and you are always going to be the last one shining when it rises again.


Pisces: you are hands that are made to create art, you are the creases in the hands of an infant. You are the start of life, the start of plant life, the start of a human life, the start of an animals life. You are the smoke from my cigarettes, dispersing through out the air. I hear you everywhere I go, echoing in the back of my head as a guide to being a better person. You make me want to be a better person. You are the sweet cherries around my sweet ice cream, you’re the soft, enchanting scented lotion I spread on my skin. You are the goosebumps left after a lovers sensitive touch. You are the feathers that fill my softest of pillows. You are the sweetest of piano music ever played. I love you. I miss you. You will be with me.

colossus-steppes  asked:

What was bad about Yooka-Laylee? I haven't played it myself, but from what I heard pre-release it seemed good. Did it turn out bad then?

yooka-laylee was a fucking ride

the game had this weird behind the scenes development first of all


the year was 2012, banjo nostalgia was at its peak, and had been for a couple years now. largely due to jontron

rare was a fucking mess, and still is, so there wasnt any hope for a new rare game that isnt some shovelware kinect bullshit (thanks microsoft)

just about everyone from the golden days of rare is is at different places. some at retro, some still at rare, some at gory detail, some just at random places. its a mess

but somehow, a few ex-rare devs got together, noticed how big banjo had gotten in recent years and decided to make a spiritual successor

iirc, jontron was actually a large reason why the game began development in the first place. he revived a lot of love for the bear and bird. he brought back a lot of love for rare in general actually.

i wanted to avoid bringing up jon, i really did, but that would be like not bringing up banjo. jon is too integral to the development of yooka, and banjo is the game yooka is ripping off

they were in regular contact with jon from what i remember. jon brought up the rare spiritual successor before anyone even knew it was a thing, before even the mingy jongo twitter was found. and of course grant kirkhope was on game grumps, and jon was offered a role on the game

the mingy jongo twitter is where things get odd. sometime in 2012, a twitter was found. it was all cryptic and shit, and named after a forgettable enemy from banjo-tooie. it was hyping up something, but no one knew what

it stopped updating for like a year, made a tweet about crashing, and was confirmed to be cancelled.

and then even later, mingy jongo made a tweet about rebooting, and changed the name to playtonic. the dumb arg bullshit was over, and we got a look at what the games visual style would be like

the kickstarter launched, it was super successful and spawned many imitators, but none nearly as successful as yooka

a hat in time was not one of those imitators, it was in development long before yooka

the game had promise to it. the game looked like a real return to the golden age of 3d platformers it looked fun, it looked like it had interesting and seemingly focused level design, it knew its roots and embraced it, but it still had its own identity, it had a team of industry veterans, now off their leash so they’re free to make a game how they want to make it. 

there was no doubt in our minds, this was going to be great. 

it was a really shitty time for 3d platformers. games were either AAA or indie. AAA were too focused on big action movie set-piece games aimed at people in their mid-20s, and indies didnt have the budget or experience to do 3d. so the genre was almost dead aside from the odd ratchet, sonic or mario game. but it wasnt enough, the genre was slowly dying. yooka needed to happen

we got some more gameplay, and it seemed good, but not great. it had its flaws but it was still early in development, things can only get better, right?

yooka-laylee was then revealed to be using the unity engine. a notably awful engine with an ungodly amount of problems that is only used by people because its cheap, so they can make meme games with it like whos your daddy or some donald trump game. but those are games that embrace the problems of unity

then we got the toybox demo.

we got to test out the controls around a very plain environment. it was essentially a playtest area. the controls were very off, and there was little tech. but the controls werent that bad.as long as they dont make the controls worse in any way, and the game has some tight level design, this can still be a great game.

also there was a little secret for getting everything in the demo and going somewhere specific, a secret that tells you to go somewhere and look for something in the final game. i’ll get back to that.

playtonic soon found a publisher for yooka-laylee to help with yooka. team17 of worms fame

the wii version of yooka-laylee was cancelled and playtonic said there wont be a switch version

we got some more proper gameplay of yooka showing off the capital cashino level

and my god

it

was

bad

really really really

bad

but it was just one level, it doesnt represent the whole game does it?

either way, some people were getting skeptical of the game by this point.


and then, the catalyst


community manager of team17, playtonics publisher was going on neogaf one day and saw the general consensus of jontron there was rather negative there. well jonno wasnt having any of that and demanded playtonic to remove jontron from the game

jonno zuckerberg’d jontron

and out of such a minor voice role too

what followed was a shitshow

because jon was such a major part to yooka’s history, naturally some people thought removing jon was an extremely backstabby move to make.

to many, this was the straw that broke the camels back. there were many red flags before, but this was a big one.

there were 3000 known refunds that followed. 

and thats just the refunds that went through, because playtonic or team17, most likely team17, actually denied most of the refunds, banned people asking how to refund it on steam, and called anyone refunding the game racist

playtonic also blocked a dude that offered a reasonable solution to the jontron solution on twitter

they were not handling this with grace

jon just kind of accepted that he wouldnt be in the game, if you’re wondering how he was taking his removal

around this time, i was thankful that i didnt kickstart it


so the game finally comes out and the reviews are divided. some people call it a masterpiece and everything bad about the game is supposed to be bad because n64 games didnt age well so this should play like an n64 game that didnt age well and they got everything promised to them

others called the game a rushed sloppy poorly designed mess with an insane amount of problems that cannot be overlooked

after the dust settled, the game has pretty much settled on a lukewarm 6/10 or 7/10 from most sites.

so how was the game really

horrible.

for a game made by developers with decades of experience under their belts, they learned nothing from any of the games they made, or others have made. every flaw that banjo had is not only in yooka, but a thousand times worse

everything we knew about the game pre-release was also worse

the tight level design? non-existent

the decent controls? ruined

the unique identity? gone

nothing of value remained. yooka-laylee is a husk of what was meant to be

the controls were made slipperier, and a stamina meter was added, so you cant go slightly fast for more than a couple seconds, and due to the massive empty levels, going fast is required if you dont want to go insane

the level design does not exist. things are just placed in areas without thought. the focus was on making the levels super big and placing the collectables in really obscure places. not even just the jiggy equivalents, but also the note-equivalents

but the bad controls and bad level design apparently werent enough. levels we had gimmicks that just complimented the absolute worst of the levels and controls. slippery dank caves full of pits, slippery ice levels

the world is barren and empty. there is nothing to do in it

the bosses are, well…
they’re walls. every last one of them is a wall that you fight. honest to god walls.

the camera is an abomination. i dont think i need to say anything that hasnt been said a thousand times already, its one of the worst things about the game, and that is a fucking low bar

the audio mixing is horrible, the chopper transformation grates on the ears, the grunting is far too loud and goes on for much longer than the grunting in banjo, making it extremely obnoxious and annoying

the game had a fucking quiz section that expects you to know every weird minor detail about the game, like really weird and obscure details no one playing the game casually would know, you would have to be obsessed with the game from the moment it was announced and pay close attention to everything no matter how minor to know any of the quiz’s answers. you need to answer 10 questions correctly in a row or else you’re sent to the beginning. and they throw this at you in the first world. i think they do it every world, actually but i could be wrong. they somehow took an interesting but a bit obnoxious part from banjo tooie and i think kazooie as well, and turned it into one of the biggest sins in any game i have ever seen

the loading times, while not bad, are INSANELY frequent, it breaks the flow of the game far too often

there were tons of glitches

enemies were sponges

the fucking mine cart sections were unbearable

frequent framerate issues (thanks unity)

all the minigames were complete trash

the fridge character is one of the worst things i have ever seen

there were seemingly nonsensical puzzles that dont give you any indication if you’re missing something required to beat it

the game stops introducing characters early on, and just recycles all the previous characters


so thats the bad of yooka, heres the good


the visuals look nice half the time, although the other half is unity fucking up the lighting because its a shit engine

the music is sometimes good

some of the character designs are nice


and thats about all i can really compliment the game on honestly

it’s a mess and one of the biggest disappointments i have ever played. it wasnt even worth pirating


you wanna know what jontrons role would have even been? making farting sounds for a toilet character. they shot themselves in the foot over a youtuber voicing a toilet


oh and do you remember that little secret from the toybox i mentioned

well if you go to where you were told, you’ll find a little scene with a robot

it’ll basically say something is 50% complete

and thats it

no secret alternate costume, no unlockable power, no item that lets you find collectables, no nothing. just some dumb secret teasing a potential sequel

that was somehow the most infuriating part about the game, and perfectly sums up yooka-laylee


its a bad fucking game


sorry for any spelling mistakes, but its 3am and this is a massive wall of text

Give Me Polyamorous Power Couple Hamliza Or Give Me Death

~Eliza growing up having constant crushes on both men and women and trying to articulate what she wanted to Angelica but never being able to explain it the way she wanted

~When she’s in a relationship: “I want her” “But you’re dating Peter” “I want him too” “But you have to choose” “Why do I have to choose?” When she’s not in a relationship: “Ooh, Liza’s got a crush! Spill it!” “Well, there’s Arthur and his girlfriend, and Sally and her girlfriend, and Jason, and Mary…” “Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, how many crushes can you have?” “Shush, I’m not done”

~When she meets Alexander and quickly falls into her most serious relationship ever she expects the multiple crush thing to stop (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)

~Eliza feels like a horrible girlfriend because she’s so happy with Alex but then Susan from work will start up a conversation with her in the break room and she’s instantly all heart eyes

~Tearfully she admits it to Alex one night and he’s thrilled because “no there’s nothing wrong with you I promise!!!! You’re just polyamorous!!!!”

~They spend the rest of the night talking about it

~Eliza needs some time to adjust since she’s spent so much time trying to push it aside that she doesn’t really know what else to do but Alex is very helpful

~The first time she tells him about Susan he’s instantly chanting ask her out over and over until she’s laughing and blushing at his antics

~Half a year later and Eliza is subtly sending Alex updates from her dates while he sends her multiple thumbs up emojis and does the same with his own

~She also sets up him and Angelica and when Angelica gets confused about it she’s like you need to stop sacrificing yourself, let yourself be happy

~They share embarrassing stories about him with each other

~He meets John and them after Eliza in this one and it’s all separately

~Hercules comes first because Eliza’s father invited them to a fancy dinner party and Alex needs a suit and since he’s not well educated on these things yet she comes along to help

~Hercules is instantly smitten with Alex and Alex is instantly 😍 because “Eliza look at him!!! He looks like a damn quarterback but he’s so sweet and gentle!!!!” “Either you ask him out or I will”

~Hercules not-so-subtly likes guiding Alex around even though he thinks he’s being smooth

~“Alex there was really no point for him to put his hands on your waist like that, he could’ve told you to just move to the side one step” “… Yeah but did you see how well they fit there he could probably lift me up so easily” “Wow you’re so easy” “Do I need to bring up that cute barista the other day” “pLEASE DO WE HAVE A DATE THIS WEEKEND”

~By the end of the time there Alex is going out to lunch with a pleased but confused Hercules and Eliza is eagerly awaiting every cute picture and text

~From then on he has to deal with both Eliza and Alex stealing his clothes but he can’t really fight since they both look so cute in his sweaters

~The rest come really quickly after that

~Lafayette meets Hercules before the others because they come in requesting a special dress to be made and Hercules is Gone

~“You… You want a dress with a full skirt… But when you pick at a stitch on it the dress falls down into a ball gown?” “Yes, exactly!” “Can I ask why?” “Why? Well, chéri, it’s because I must ensure that I always am prepared for any eventuality and at the top of that list is a need to always look beautiful but entirely unattainable. Oh, that reminds me! It needs to be floor length with my being in eight-inch heels, I have a pair with me so you can measure accurately” “Oh holy shit”

~It takes them exactly one weekend to be brought into the relationship (Alex sees them and instantly is stunned into silence, Eliza flirts and within two minutes they’re already co-conspirators)

~John is next and he struggles with his sexuality and anything that comes from it so he’s very much in the closet when they meet

~John and Alex immediately are best friends and Alex tries asking him out but John very quickly refuses him and Alex takes a step back

~The combined power of the four of them helps to bring John out of his shell even though he’s very shy about it all so they’re respectful and let him suggest everything and move their relationship forward in his own time

~The first time he asks to spend the night with all of them there’s a little fight over who gets to sleep next to him

~Eliza and Hercules win, Lafayette and Alex pout

~Aaron and Theodosia Burr AKA Theo, Eliza, and Lafayette kill and the rest of them are literally powerless against them

~Dates are really fun with them because now there’s enough people to go on group dates and everyone can have a supposed other instead of it being just the mess of them (They still do it as the whole of them, its just more fun to have the people think they’re all separate couples then watch as they get more affectionate as the night goes on)

~Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the Washingtons

~George favors Alex and Laf, Martha favors Eliza, Angelica, and Theo, George is platonic with John, Hercules, Aaron, and the girls, Martha is platonic with everyone but her girls and sometimes Alex and Lafayette (She likes showing off that she’s perfectly capable of stealing them away from him but is graciously letting them stay with him. George jokes back and tries to rally Laf and Alex to joke too but they need time to come back to that plane of existence)

~WEEKEND TRIPS AT MOUNT VERNON WITH EVERYONE

~Eliza and Alex get so many kisses and cuddles since they’re the heart of it all

~Alex dragging everyone outside to look at the stars

~Lots of hot chocolate when Alex drags them outside

~Lots of spiked hot chocolate when they think Martha isn’t looking

~She totally knows since John keeps giggling but she let’s them have fun

~THOMAS JEFFERSON

~Eliza starts flirting with him to bug Alex

~Eventually she starts flirting with him for Alex no matter what he says

~“Look at the tension good god” “Betsey I swear…”

~Eliza has a near constant stream of frustrated texts from George

~“Eliza I’m suffering” “What is it this time, dear?” “They’re arguing again and they look two seconds away from making out” “I’m working on it. Have patience” “I can’t have patience anymore I can’t have meetings because this happens in every one”

~All the hate sex

~All the Jeffmads+Alex hate sex (I would include Aaron but the frustrations are over Washington but Aaron knows why Alex is favored by him and has worked out his own balance with George so he’s not jealous)

~Alex pulls them into the dynamic and they finally understand

~George doesn’t mind them finding out, he’s just glad the tension is gone (Though he has cut more than a few work days short because he walked in on them fucking on his desk because Alex wanted to tease him and he can’t handle that so he just walks out)

~There’s multiple incidents where they try to tease Angelica but she is Not Having It and takes great joy in showing them why

~Angelica Schuyler is my queen she wouldn’t handle any bullshit from them

~MARIA REYNOLDS PROTECTION SQUAD

~Elizabeth “If you touch one hair on my girl’s head I will personally kick your ass from here to California don’t test me” Schuyler

~Obviously she moves in with them immediately and spends every night sleeping between Alex and Eliza

~When things become too much in the city Eliza and her take a trip down to Mount Vernon for a girls-only retreat

~Maria and John never start a romantic relationship but they hit it off very quickly since they’re both abuse survivors (Her with James, him with his father) and John is more healed than she is but there’s wounds he’s still licking and sometimes its nice to just spend the day in silence with someone who understands that company is more important than conversation

~Eliza and Alex creating a crazy huge family for themselves which has confusing interconnecting romantic and platonic relationships but they love it so much they can’t describe it

~Whenever anyone asks about it Alex shows them the graph he’s made for them all

~Everyone has a specific color and one poor soul asks why he chose those colors and spends the next 45 minutes listening to him talking about why each of his signifs was given that very color choice

The Signs:

Aries: Something about you makes my blood boil in a unique, uncomfortable way, you are full of mystery. You have black holes for eyes, remarkably, that are too intense for most people to look into. You have no control over your greatness, you were born this way. Notice it and blossom. Not a single person on earth can blossom like you can. Not a single person can blossom like you will. You have great and empowering words to say in this life, make sure to say all of them without fear. You are not afraid. Be great.

Taurus: You are so lovely, the embodiment of nature, the embodiment of all the naturality in life created by the one and only, engulfing creator. I remember losing you and all nature that surrounded me seemed to shrivel and die. My heart ached when I heard the crunch under my feet of every dead leaf I walked upon. It brought me so much pain, i felt like death. I lost my vision and a bright 

Keep reading

dating peter parker would include...

dedicated to my harrison bestie anon in hopes it makes them smile :) also yes it’s really fuckin long i’m sorry i just love peter parker and have a lot of feelings

  • you actually hate to tell the story of how you two met because it’s mortifiying oh mygod
  • peter, however, loves to watch u blush about it even though it was only really embarrassing when it happened
  • taking the subway to school like every other day, you obviously had spent too many hours on the internet so u were tired as hell 
  • so tired you couldn’t grab the pole in time when the subway stopped
  • and you in an ungraceful manner, tripped, stumbled and fell
  • into his lap
  • his l a p 
  • you still get red cheeks when remember just how embarrassing it was
  • oh my god! i c-can’t believe that- i-i, i’m so so sorry- h-holy shit–
  • peter did find it extremely awkward but your mortified and blushing red face was so much more adorable 
  • n-no, it’s fine– d-do you want my seat?
  • o-oh no, it’s alright. i’d just like to crawl into a hole somewhere. sudden amnesia works too.
  • AND BOY
  • a cute girl with wit and oh my is that a nerdy shirt????
  • from them on, you had his entire heart 
  • yes i will totally be writing a full on imagine for this
  • you guys weren’t friends for long if u know what i mean 
  • like you had already face planted into his lap so you skipped most of the awkward interactions
  • you were kinda like ‘ah what the hell’ 
  • you did it while you guys were walking home together, like usual
  • hey peter, can you hold this for me?
  • yeah?” 
  • and you just grabbed his hand, grinning at him with wink 
  • cue the cutest blushing from peter 
  • peter goddamn nearly had a heart attack but couldn’t stop smiling the entire walk home 
  • he was really sad when he reached your building 
  • but then you stood on ur tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek so he wasn’t that sad
  • eventually kisses on the cheeks became kisses on the lips & it wasn’t official but you two just knew
  • let’s be real, peter is the worlds biggest dork so movie marathons are so common
  • i mean everything– star wars, back to the future, jurassic park, like man you name it 
  • and if u were a nerd too, then oH boy he would just be in a constant state of heart eyes 
  • he would be anyways but extra heart eyes if u geek out
  • c’mon pete, hurry that cute lil ass up! it’s rogue one!!
  • oh my god, please marry me right now.
  • you guys definitely try to quote movies as much as possible
  • i love you” ”i know *intense blushing* diD YOU JUST–
  • he has a such soft spot for when you guys marathon disney movies not that he tells you that
  • something about you lighting up & singing along makes him go !!!!!!! inside
  • no you two never perform disney duet songs together never ever have you done that why do u ask
  • (your favourite one to perform is hakuna matata because its a goddamn classic and peter gets so into it)
  • (breaking free from hsm is a close second because damn can peter hit those notes when he really tries)
  • peter parker is such an admirer like you dont even know
  • he could stare at you for hours and its pretty much what gets him through the day tbh
  • in fact, he has all your birthmarks and freckles committed to memory because shes so pretty i can’t deal with this
  • he blushes SO MUCH when you catch him staring
  • but lets be real, you were staring at him too
  • he blushed even more when he found that out because oh my fucking god she was staring at me do i look weird is there something on my face
  • but when you’re like no you goof, i’m admiring youu get 
  • BLUSHING STUTTERING STAMMERING PETER PARKER
  • he just never stops blushing 
  • he! would! try! so! hard! at everything 4 you
  • baking? hell yeah he’ll bake for u
  • singing? eh he’ll give it a go (but only for you)  
  • dancing? he hates it but he loves to watch u laugh and smile with him so he does it anyways (even if he sucks)
  • speaking of dancing
  • peter loves it when u dance
  • especially when you stay over and he wakes up to you dancing around the kitchen or his room 
  • his favourite is catching you off guard when you’re grooving to some 80′s song
  • babe– cutting himself off with his own laughter, i don’t think that’s dancing.
  • he loves to tease you about your funky dancing because seeing his girl blushing is like his second favourite thing
  • (the first being your smile because it completely melts his insides and everything is better when you smile at him)
  • you also love it when he’s teasing because all you have is pout and suddenly peter’s showering you in kisses 
  • peter is such a sucker for kisses
  • actually he’s such a hopeless romantic & lover of cliches like
  • constantly bringing you flowers he finds on nightly patrols? check 
  • stopping so you two can share a cutesy kiss in the rain? check 
  • dumb pick up lines that still make you laugh? check 
  • tbh you both do pickup lines
  • hey, hey y/n, are you the square root of -1? because you can’t be real 
  • are you kIDDING– NO I’M NOT BLUSHING AT YOUR DUMB PICK UP LINE GO AWAY PARKER
  • he just giggles at you from the bed
  • except when you do it, its a different story
  • hey hey hey, peter 
  • hmm?” 
  • are you related to yoda? because yodalicious.
  • peter just falls off the bed 
  • you don’t even ask if he’s alright, you just cut straight to laughing at his reaction
  • s-shut up! this isn’t because of your pick up line!! i was startled! 
  • even though he’s trying to hide his face in a pillow, you can see his pink cheeks
  • sure, peter, sure. 
  • aunt may is both a blessing and a curse to both of you 
  • because she spills BOTH OF YOUR SECRETS
  • like you can’t ramble to her about peter because she will tell him everything
  • with you in the same room 
  • oh peter, you’re wearing that shirt? i know y/n loves it, she was talking just the other day about how she find it so hot– 
  • “MAY HE DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW”
  • peter secretly really wants to know what you said about him 
  • but aunt may does it to peter too and he hates it
  • “seriously y/n, you should hear the things he says about you, i swear he’s turned into some lovesick–”
  • “nO MAY SHH YOU CAN STOP NOW”
  • makeout sessions ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • you both l o v e them 
  • funnily enough, peter is the one who usually starts them 
  • hey y/n, you’ve got something on your face, let me just– *kisses you all over you face*
  • because he’s more than ahead in his classes, ‘study dates’ really means makeout not that you mind though  
  • peter loves kisses everywhere
  • forehead kisses
  • nose kisses
  • shoulder kisses
  • eyelid kisses
  • back of the hand kisses
  • all the kisses
  • his absolute favourite kiss is the one he receives from you in the morning when you’ve stayed over
  • he’ll play with your hair softly and you’ll yawn & stretch and catch him gazing at you 
  • and you just smile and lean up and kiss him 
  • it never fails to make peters heart stop and when you pull away he just goes nooooooooooooo and pouts till you kiss him again 
  • it’s especially hard when you have to leave or part ways after school because peter turns into a needy lil boy
  • one more kiss! one more! 
  • peter you’ve said that seven times now!! 
  • you literally have to push his away, giggling and grinning, because otherwise he’s going to be late 
  • i swear to god parker, it’s only one class! 
  • and of course you know about him being spidey
  • you actually found out by accident 
  • you were searching thru his closest for something to wear when you stumbled across it 
  • tbh you thought it was a really dedicated costume at first
  • so you put it on and it was so fucking baggy man
  • hey peter! look at me, i’m the spider man! thwip thwip! 
  • except it was the real thing so 
  • y-y/n!! where did you find that??? 
  • don’t worry, i’ll keep your spider-man obsession a secret, peter.
  • but when you accidentally web peter’s hand to the wall, you figure out this suit is the real deal 
  • holy shit!! holy shit! you– you’re, this is the real, oh my god, you’re the spider-man!  
  • peter just panics because you’ve webbed him to the wall and he can’t actually do anything
  • no! no i’m not!
  • you freak out for like another minute before you gather your senses enough 
  • peter parker, do not play with me right now- are you spider-man?
  • would you believe me if i said it was a very detailed halloween costume?
  • after cutting him free, you squeezed him into the tightest hug because you were so goddamn proud of him 
  • but also because oh my god how many times had he risked his life and had you not known???? 
  • oh my god, this is so wicked i can’t believe you’re spider-man–
  • you can’t tell anyone! 
  • shh, you know i wouldn’t but holy god! you have to tell me everything
  • you’re not mad i didn’t tell you?” 
  • pfft, i’ll only be mad if you don’t tell me now.
  • yes i also want to make this an imagine
  • yes, you’re the one who patches him up which always ends in cuddles
  • basically you get to shower peter in constant love and affection because he would do that and more for you 
  • he’s just the perfect boyfriend??? 
  • i want a peter parker

OK guys hear me out on this but- I think that the entire TAZ world, or at least the seven red-robes are running on a constant majoras mask/refuge year long loop that resets with the earth being devoured by The Hunger, and that there is a second voidfish that (up until now) kept this a secret

There will be a tl;dr at the end

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hi i love your writing so much and was wondering if you had any fic recs to hold me over until your next update 😭

THERES WAY TOO MANY GIRL WAYYYYY TOO MANY??? IDK HOW TO EVEN ANSWER THIS WHAT ARE YOU EVEN ASKING FOR

I’m just gonna throw out whatever comes to mind ok and its probably mostly all smut cuz I’m a perv sorry (wow this ended up being way longer than i intended IM SORRY)


@jiminniemouse is the queen of threesomes so take a look into her profile but some of my favorites is:

Crave (Yoongi smut), Taste (Hobi smut), Making Him Jealous (ima call it a jikook threesome let me live), and her ongoing series Purple Jewels!

Masterlist

@jungblue ok anything from this girl is gold G O L D i love all of her fics but if I have to choose then

Future Hearts (Jimin/Jungkook love triangle), I Hate You I Love You (Jungkook smut/angst), and Control (Jimin smut omg i am still having chest pains thinking about this one)

Masterlist

@seokvie This girl has got a whole fucking load of fics it’s like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow smutland wonderland your vag will cry in joy and pain

Costume (Hobi smut MY ALL TIME FAVORITE FIC I L O V E IT), View From 4-B (Hobi smut), basically all her Hobi smuts, Show Off (Wonho smut), Paradise (JB smut), JUST BINGE READ ALL OF THEM (i am also excited to read her new fic with jimin and assplay and lets just say my ass is ready but I DONT HAVE A KINK FOR ASSPLAY OK LET ME LIVE)

Masterlist

@jungkxook yes yes yes everything all of it just do it

Pour Up (taekook threesome), Hiraeth (zombie apocolypse au)

Masterlist

@war-of-hormoan‘s For You (Tae angst) killed me about 40 times

Masterlist

@kimvtae‘s Fall For You (Jungkook smut) series and Couples Costumes (Hobi smut)

Masterlist

@minsvga‘s Philophobia (Jungkook/Jimin smut/angst) series, Taking Risks 101  (Jimin smut), Children of the Night (Jungkook/Tae smut) series

Masterlist

@yoonminnings‘s Lace Casualties (Jimin sugar daddy)

Masterlist

@trapmonster‘s He Didn’t (Yoongi smut/angst), Bite me (Jungkook smut), Silent Treatment (Jungkook), Nerd (Tae), Toxic (maknae line)

Masterlist

@btssmutgalore oh my god all of her fics ALL OF HER DAMN FICS LETS JUST SAY SHE SERIOUSLY OWES ME A NEW PELVIS OK FUCK but my favorites so far are

Nude (Tae), Lightweight (Jungkook), Business (A FUCKING TWO PART TAEKOOK THREESOME GOD), Lollipop (Jungkook), Forbidden (Hobi)

Masterlist

@ellieljade‘s Apologies (Tae smut/angst) is one of my favorites and honestly just read all of her masterlist as well i cry (out of everywhere)

Masterlist

@kookingtae‘s Experimental Error (Tae smut I fucking died), The Switch (OT7 Smut holy hell this was one of the first bts smuts ive read and wow now you see why I really love them), Falling Into You (Jungkook smut GOD I LOVED THIS SO HARD) + the rest of her masterlist

Masterlist

@floralseokjin oh my goodness ok i cant believe i havent discovered you sooner I fucking love your writing pls

Buzz trilogy (Yoongi smut & O       M       G), Playing with Fire (Jungkook smut) i havent read anything else yet BUT I JS SAW SHE POSTED A NEW FIC YOU KNOW WHAT IM READIN TONIGHT

Masterlist

@onlylovekpop basically all her Wonho smuts and drabbles killed me k i l l e d me but my fav is Bad Behavior

Masterlist

Other people you should def look into is @kittae (cat fics yes) @seoulscapes (an amazing demon wonho au) @helloblamebts @seokline @kstopping @imaginethisbts @kainks @jeonins @baeseoul (p r o t e  g e)

Im so sorry I’m still sick and I’m getting tired and lazy so I just had to bunch up the rest HAHAHA but I hope this helps anon! And you will def not be disappointed in any of these ok they are amazing and beautiful and amazing and everytime I read their stories literally

Secrets (Part Two) (Trans!Peter)

So there has been a lot more anti-trans or negative trans things all over Tumblr recently thanks to— well we all know what its thanks to.

I had a specific request for something positive and pro-trans and I absolutely agree we could all handle something positive and fluffy and nice, so here we go.

This is a Part Two to my first trans!peter fic Secrets.

For those who haven’t read PART ONE— Peter is Tom Holland/15 years old, the relationship between he and Deadpool is strictly platonic. This is not Spideypool shipping, this is just a friendship.

Trans!Peter and protective dad!Tony and protective friend!Wade

*************************
“You’re gonna stay with me, right?” Peter asked nervously and Wade patted his shoulder comfortingly.

“Not going anywhere Spidey. Just here for support.”

“Thanks.” Peter rubbed at his chest, tugging uncomfortably on his binder.

“You alright? Do we need to loosen it?” Wade was still in full costume, mask and katanas and all, but he started pulling his gloves off to help Peter if needed.

“No.” Peter shook his head. “No it’s fine, just… just feeling super noticeable right now.”

“Not noticeable.” Wade assured him. “Since we got rid of that ugly black thing, this nude one blends in a lot better.”

“Ok.” Peter took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Wade kept a big hand on Peter’s shoulders as they headed into the living room of the Avengers compound, sitting down together on the couch across from where Tony was sitting, jotting notes down as he read through a file.

“Deadpool. You take your hand off my kid or I’m gonna break it off.” Tony said without even looking up and Wade laughed before removing his hand and leaning back, folding his arms over his chest.

“What are you even doing here? I feel like last time you and I ran into each other—”

“Mr Stark.” Peter interrupted before Tony could unleash some sort of verbal destruction on the mercenary. “I really need to talk to you.”

“What’s up, kiddo?” Tony put his file down instantly, leaning forward and clasping his hands loosely between his knees. “Everything alright?”

“Mr Stark–” Peter looked at Wade for encouragement, who sent him a thumbs up. “I am– I am–trans.”

Silence.

Peter took a deep breath and pulled his t shirt off, exposing both his binder and the slightly reddened spot where he took his injections. “I’m um… This is who I am.”

Silence.

Then, “Trans.” Tony repeated. “So. Um transsexual? Transgender? Is there a difference? I don’t even know. Okay. Trans. Alright. How long? Can I ask that?”

“I’ve been transitioning for close to a year.” Peter offered and Tony nodded. “I take testosterone injections, and wear a binder to keep everything–” he made a motion over his chest. “It’s been more difficult to hide with being Spider-Man but–but I’m working on it.”

“Okay.” Tony nodded again. “Alright.”

“So–” Peter spread his hands uncertainly. “So, I wanted you to know.”

“Did you tell this one before you told me?” Tony pointed at Wade who made an offended noise.

“Wade found me when I was hurt one night–”

“–hurt?!”

“–I was fine. But Wade had to help me and he found out and– and you know it was nice to have someone know, and I didn’t want to hide it anymore. I don’t want you to feel like I’m lying to you about anything. Aunt May says–”

“May knows?” Tony interrupted. “About the binding and the shots and this guy?”

“Well maybe not about me hanging out with Pool, but I mean, yeah. Everything else. She has to pay for the injections so–.”

“Okay.” Tony folded his arms. “I’m gonna need the suit back.”

“Mr Stark!” Peter cried, suddenly much closer to tears than he’d been just a moment before. “Why would you–”

“Check it out, Iron Dildo.” Wade snapped, and leaned forward with something like a growl. “How bout you back the fuck off, see that this kid is trying to be honest with you and you being an asshole isn’t going to—”

“Hey, guy who kills people for money, how about you shut up for two minutes and let me talk?” Tony retorted. “Peter, give me your suit.”

Peter reached into his back slowly and pulled out the suit, handing it over to Tony with shaking hands.

Tony turned it over a few times, looking at it thoughtfully. “So.” he cleared his throat. “So should we talk about redesigning this with a binder built in? So you don’t have to wear one in addition to the suit? Or would that be uncomfortable?”

“Wh–What?” Peter ran his fingers through his hair. “Um, what?”

“Is a binder built into your suit too uncomfortable?” Tony asked again. “Like does it need to be something like a corset sort of thing? Or hooks? Or since your suit tightens around you automatically do I need to upgrade where it holds around your chest? Or would you rather just– you alright, Pete?”

“I’m fine.” The fifteen year old covered his face with his hands. “I’m fine, it’s just—” his voice caught and Tony’s eyes softened.

“You just let me know how to make this easier for you, okay? I dont know anything about anything like this, so you’ll have to speak up.”

“Sure thing.” Peter wiped his eyes and sat back up. “Um, thank you, Mr Stark I can’t—”

“Also.” Tony made a show of picking up his tablet, scrolling through some documents until he apparently found which ever one he was looking for. “I noticed you haven’t signed up for the insurance program available to you through the Stark Internship. Recently it was decided that insurance will now cover binders and testosterone injections and all the…things that I don’t know about that goes with that sort of thing.”

“Recently?” Wade repeated, sounding skeptical, and Tony sent him a narrowed eyed glare.

“Yes, Mr. Wilson. Recently. As in within the last ten minutes. Is that a problem?”

Wade held up his hands peacefully, and both the adults turned to look at Peter, who still looked like he might cry any second.

“Mr. Stark—”

“You don’t ever have to be afraid to tell me things like this.” Tony’s voice was gruff, and he pulled his sunglasses out of his shirt pocket to cram on his face. “Tell Aunt May that your internship will be covering any and all costs associated with you… transitioning. Is that the right word? I don’t want to say the wrong– I need to do some research, I think.”

Tony blew out a deep breath and looked between the two of them.

“Anything else you want to tell me? Like that maybe you two are dating? Because Deadpool I swear to god if you are even looking at my kid wrong I’m gonna rip you apart and drop the pieces from the sky. Lets see if you can regenerate from that.”

“Gross.” Wade snorted. “He’s like eight.”

“I’m fifteen guys.” Peter interjected.

It doenst matter!”
“It doesn’t matter!”

Wade and Tony yelled at the same time, then glared at each other for a minute.

“Well kiddo.” Tony sent Peter a smile. “Anything else today? Because I feel like you have homework.”

“Yeah. Some spanish.” Peter nodded and reached to put his shirt back on. “No, I– I guess that’s it.”

“Well, you know where the door is if you want to talk.”

Peter didn’t even hesitate, just stood up and leaned over Tony’s chair to give him a hug. “Thank you. This was…easier than I thought it would be.”

“Whatever you need, Underroos. You know that.” Tony patted his back. “Now get. Spanish homework.”

Tony waved at Peter, glared at Deadpool, and waited until they had left before picking his tablet back up, settling in for a long night of researching everything and anything related to helping support teenagers who were transitioning.

A throat being cleared made him look up.  “For the love of– didn’t I kick you out?”

Wade shrugged. “I’m just laying this out here– the whole protective dad thing one hundred percent does it for me. So if you ever decide to unclench enough to have some fun, call me.”

“Get out!” Tony cried, but he was smiling, and Wade was going to count that as a victory.
*******************

“What were you doing?” Peter frowned up at the mercenary when he finally showed up at the door.

“Asking your dad out.”  

“That’s disgusting.” Peter complained and punched Wade’s shoulder hard enough to send him reeling a few steps. “Don’t do that.”

Several minutes later, Peter added. “Mr Stark isn’t my dad.”

“Yeah, you waited too long to say that. I officially vote for Iron Man to be your dad.”

“…yeah me too.”

******************
******************

Just a reminder to all you beauties that are thinking about transitioning, mid transition, or have made it through and are now happily the person you were always meant to be—

You are lovely, you are valid, and you are not burdens or anything else along those lines. Don’t let any other fuckers tell you any different.

–Kara

STEREK FIC REC POST

i’ve hit another hundred followers on my twitter account @getsteREKT so once again im posting another fic rec post!

as always these fics will be of all tropes so be sure to read the warnings and tags of all fics you wish to read to make sure each fic IS for you. x

my personal favourites will be marked with a **

——————————-

i’ll always choose you (even when i’m drunk) by trilliastra

He looks at his hand curiously, he’s always had a ring? He can’t remember.

“Yeah.” The guy comes back into the bedroom, helps Stiles sit up and drink some water. “It’s your wedding ring.”

“I’m married?” He yells, making the guy flinch. “I’m married!” He looks between his ring and the guy with pretty eyes in front of him. Oh, no. “I’m married.” He repeats, sadly. He doesn’t want to be married!

“Are you – crying?” The guy asks, reaches out to touch Stiles’ face.

“I don’t wanna be married!” He cries out. “I wanna marry you.”

WORDS: 794

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: General

WARNINGS: none

BYOP by   dragon_temeraire ***

Stiles helps Derek revive a family tradition.

WORDS: 2003

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and up

WARNINGS: None

Second Chances by  rootbeer ****

“A lot of times the ‘markings’ were common, simple things you said to strangers all the time. ‘Excuse me’; 'thank you’; 'hello’. Some got extremely romantic things like 'it’s you isn’t it? I’ve been waiting for you’ or 'Wow you’re really pretty’. And they were always the first words their soulmate would ever say to them.

Of course, having 'You are the fucking worst kind of person in the world’ tattooed down your side, didn’t bode well. How fucked up was Stiles Stilinski that even his fucking Soulmate hated him? High School had been a special kind of hell when all the kids learned what his tattoo said—despite his best efforts to keep it a secret.”

WORDS: 2624

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: General

WARNINGS: None

Oops by Little Spoon (JaydenNara)

Derek was the one that brought Stiles dinner when he knew Stiles had forgotten, and Derek was the one that massaged Stiles’ feet when he was stressed. When they watched a movie, Stiles snuggled up against him, and Stiles trusted Derek enough to fall asleep on his shoulder. When Stiles woke up in the middle of the night screaming, Derek was the one that held until he fell back asleep, and in return, Stiles would help him count his fingers when Derek wasn’t sure if he was awake.

Derek and Stiles were just friends. Oops?

WORDS: 2852

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: None

Just a Hobby by kaistrex (weishen)

Five times Deputy Derek shelters his partner from the supernatural and the one time he discovers he’s just been making a fool of himself.

WORDS: 3014

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen And Up

WARNINGS: none

Soft Derek, Warm Stiles, No One is a Little Ball of Fur by tiedtogetherwithadagger

Stiles is wiping down the counters and humming California Gurls to himself when the bell above the door chimes and Derek walks in. The next notes of the song get stuck in his throat and he freezes. Stiles shouldn’t be surprised, really. The rest of the pack have already been by to visit him, even Jackson. Of course, Boyd was the only person Stiles ended up giving a free drink to, much to their disappointment. So what if he had favorites? How could he not when Boyd was the one to get him ComiCon tickets?

Derek swaggers up to the counter Stiles is stationed behind, because that’s the only way Derek apparently knows how to walk. He’s wearing a maroon knitted sweater today that looks unfairly cozy. Stiles slaps his own hand down from reaching out and touching the fabric because that would be weird. Although slapping yourself might be weirder. Oh well.

WORDS: 3728

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: General

WARNINGS: none

So Color Me Green With Disgust (or maybe with envy) by lapsus_calami

Derek’s as straight as a ruler and he’s totally okay with that. He’s also okay with Stiles being as straight as a bendable squiggly straw. Or at least he thought he was. Recent events have him wondering if he’s secretly some sort of homophobe, and it’s seriously starting to affect his and Stiles’ relationship in a bad way.

WORDS: 3828

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

Coaches Cupcake Coffee House by  ChildOfTheRevolution

Danny looked at him as if he were crazy, ‘It means he wants to ride the dick Stiles.’ He said slowly, as if talking to the mentally insane.

‘Ride the dick, my dick?’ Stiles asked weakly.

‘Figuratively speaking of course, Derek looks more like a topper to me. And you, my friend, are a twink of the most twinkiest standards, but I’m not one to judge.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Stiles admitted, finding himself in a weird crouch-like stance that he apparently now adopts when he’s overwhelmed about finding out Derek Hotcakes wants to bone him three ways to Sunday.

WORDS: 4821

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

something’s missing by trilliastra

Sometimes Derek still asks himself why Kate kept the baby. And then he just tries to shake those thoughts away because even imagining Michael not being here, alive, hurts too much.

WORDS: 5032

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

Ghost Blanket and the Wolf by PaintedRecs **

Derek’s badly in need of hugs, Stiles decides shortly before Halloween. His pack is secure and stable, but he still hovers on its edges, as though not quite sure where he belongs. Will the magic of Halloween night, and a cherished Stilinski tradition, be enough to lift that weight off his shoulders?

WORDS: 6434

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: flufff

***Derek vs. Helen (SERIES) by thedevilyousay

Important OTP question: Which one aggressively argues with the suburban soccer moms at the PTA meeting and flips Helen’s 9x12 pan of betty crocker brownies?

WORDS: 8,730

WORKS: 3

COMPLETE?: Probably

WARNINGS: none

****Painted Wooden Letters by DiscontentedWinter

All he ever wanted to be was Stiles Stilinski.

WORDS: 10,011

CHAPTERS: 5/5

RATINGS: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Rape/Non-con, Underage, mentions of child abuse.

(Not gonna lie, this fic hit me really hard. Its very brutal and you will cry most likely. PLEASE make sure to read the warnings before reading this fic, if any of the warnings are triggers to you, then please dont read this.)

My Boys by losingmyangelgrace

“Afternoon Sheriff, sir, what can I do you for?” he might as well try for innocence.

Something definitely wasn’t right though. He took a deep breath in through his nose. That scent…it didn’t smell like John Stilinski, if anything else, despite some of the layers being different, scents change as a person gets older and there were some he didn’t recognise, but the core of it? It smelt like-

“Holy shit! Derek Hale!”

Stiles.

Stiles was the Sheriff? Derek did not see that one coming.

(In which Derek returns to Beacon Hills after fourteen years away)

WORDS: 11,354

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: none

Striking Matches by castielblues & eeyore9990

Stiles has only ever wanted to protect his family and his pack. That’s not easy to do when you’re human and sarcasm is your only defense. Now Deaton is telling Stiles he’s a spark, and if that’s a weapon in his arsenal, he’s sure as hell going to learn to use it.

All Stiles needs now, to complete his transformation into a true badass, is a training montage and a decent soundtrack…

WORDS: 14,923

CHAPTERS: 2/2

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Graphic Violence

Momentum by  TatsuKitty

“That’s how he knew where Erica and Boyd were.” He growled and stood to pace the length of the apartment. Melissa observed quietly while he processed and silently picked him apart. He was obviously possessive and protective but his facial expressions and motions were harsh, a bit wild, just a touch of the wolf showing in the man. Finding out that Derek was a werewolf had almost made a kind of poetic sense.

“I’d guess. I don’t know what happened with them. I know they died.” She reached out and placed a hand on Derek’s forearm. He went totally still like a rabbit caught in the eyes of a fox and stared at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Wh–¬what ?” he just blinked at her, still totally frozen.

WORDS: 14,934

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: Underage, mentions of depression

Maggie May by Spikedluv

When Laura Hale died, she left behind a daughter, Maggie. Stiles (and his dad) have been caring for Maggie since the night Laura disappeared. Unbeknownst to Stiles, however, Maggie’s a werewolf, and she’s bonded with Stiles. Which means he feels extra protective when Peter Hale appears on the scene. (He may have also developed a little crush on Maggie’s uncle, the silent and brooding Derek Hale. Who said Stiles’ life was boring?)

WORDS: 24,997

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATINGS: Mature

WARNINGS: Underage

Adding You to My Future by NekoIzumi

“So, I’m Stiles.” he smiled warmly once he had put his unannounced patient down on the exam table. “I will poke and prod you a little bit to check for internal injuries, those that I can’t see because they’re inside you, and some of it might hurt but it will pass, I promise. I will tell you everything I’m about to do and why I’m doing it so just stay calm and this will go like a breeze, okay?”

Now, Stiles wasn’t stupid in any way, shape or form, he knew a were when he saw one… although he had obviously never seen a werecat before, and definitely not one as young as this one.

WORDS:  42,252

CHAPTERS: 9/9

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

The More That I Know You (the more I want to) by LadySlytherin

When death, in the form of hunters, comes for a family of Kelpies seeking refuge in the Preserve - in Hale territory - the Hale Pack is too late to save them. Before he dies, the male Kelpie presses a precious bundle into Stiles’ arms and begs the Emissary to take responsibility for it, which an initially reluctant Stiles does. When he agreed, Stiles had no idea what the sight of him with a baby would do to his esteemed Alpha, Derek. If he’d known, he might not have been so reluctant to agree.

WORDS: 43,655

CHAPTERS: 1/1

RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: canon-typical violence

Pale Horses by Dark_K

Being bitten had never been on his to-do list, but he could deal with that. Helping Derek Hale become a competent Alpha, though, that was so not in his job description.

WORDS: 56,071

CHAPTERS: 15/15

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Violence, Underage, Derek is a lil weird

Play It Again by metisket

In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself.

Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggests bets have been placed.)

WORDS: 63,206

CHAPTERS: 3/3

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

It’s a mad, mad world by ElisAttack

“They call him the Feral Wolf.” The man laughs hysterically as Stiles backs away from him, fear coursing through his veins. “Feral Hale. Do you know why? Huh?” The man creeps closer, testing the restraint of his chains, white talcum falling from his skin, swirling in the air like the dust devils plaguing the wasteland. “Because he’s fucking mad.”

Or the one where Stiles is a prisoner looking to return home, but to do so, he may have to rely on a questionable drifter.

WORDS: 73,627

CHAPTERS: 11/11

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Violence

(Sacred) In The Ordinary by  idyll ***

The Pack, after college, graduate school and the starting of careers, comes back to Beacon Hills. Nothing’s gotten less complicated after all this time.

Based on a kink meme prompt that grew legs and got serious.

Note: This is a whole lot of pack!fic with a very slow build Derek/Stiles

WORDS: 78,759

CHAPTERS: 9/9

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Didn’t See That Coming by knittersrevolt

Stiles leaves Beacon Hills in the dust after he catches his husband cheating on him.

He finds his way to New York where he starts working for the Hale House Nursery, accidentally adopts a werewolf baby (through no fault of his own thank-you-very-much), and somehow starts training to be an Exorcist Emissary. So, in general, life was going good.

Then he hears that demons have found their way into his hometown. Can he face his inner demons and go back to save the day?

WORDS: 83,838

CHAPTERS: 43/43

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Violence

A Life for a Life, Makes the Whole World Bound by augopher

Stiles was lonely; there was no other way of putting it. The Nogitsune had left the pack a wary of him, not that they thought it had been his fault. No, they worried it would happen again. Once bitten, twice shy.
The morning after his 18th birthday, his torso was covered in mysterious green tattoos. He hadn’t been that drunk. He’d definitely remember that. Great. Something else to make him feel like a freak. Insomnia led him to his mother’s diary and a tale of how she helped an odd man once who gave her the warning, “Be careful of your wishes three.“ Everything clicked into place.
So…he was a djinni. He subtly changed things about himself. More muscle? Done. Better hair? Done and done. End his crippling insecurity? Done, done, done. He hid his new gift until he found himself bound to Derek.
With Deaton’s help, they translated meanings in his tattoos, but they were incomplete. A passage of his 'Rules and Regulations’ was missing. Everything was fine dandy until Stiles’ new powers and penchant for mischief and karmic retribution threatened to destroy him, fracture his mind, and turn him into something which couldn’t be contained.
Could the pack save him in time, and at what price?

WORDS: 90,697

CHAPTERS: 26/26

RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of violence

Of Course It’s Fairies by  HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere

While still suffering from the after effects of the Nogitsune, Stiles and the pack stumble upon and save a trapped fairy. The boy’s parents, not wanting to be in the pack’s debt, offer each member of the pack who assisted in the rescue, the opportunity to bring a loved one back from the dead.

Having been blissfully reunited with several of their once-lost friends and family members, everyone must work together to figure out how to function as a new pack, and how to defeat a new incoming threat.

WORDS: 100,267

CHAPTERS: 54/54

RATING: Not Rated

WARNINGS: None

When I’m Gone by MissYuki1990

Stiles is leaving. For good if he has any say in it. He gave everything to them and received nothing in return, so who can blame him for wanting to leave and find his place in the world. Apparently? Everyone and their uncle.

WORDS: 108,584

CHAPTERS: 10/10

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence

I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek. (series) by  
DiscontentedWinter ***

Stiles finds a baby on the porch.It looks exactly like him.Well, this is awkward.

WORDS: 127,012

WORKS: 3

COMPLETE: Yes

RATED: Explicit

Home by TheTypewriterGirl ****

January seventh. Seven days since the start of 2015, and seven days since his father’s death.

The bastard, he thinks bitterly. The past year Derek Hale had made it blatantly obvious that he hated his scrawny guts, taking every given opportunity to shove him up against a wall, growl threats in his ears and roll his eyes whenever he stepped into the room, muttering some snide comment about how spastic or idiotic he was.

So why did he fucking volunteer to take him in?

WORDS: 167,178

CHAPTERS: 18/18

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: Angst, Character Death

Protector

Summary: Takes place after ‘Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!)’. Roman and Virgil watch Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban together. Conversations are had and lessons are learned.

Tag list: @fancifulfox @eternalsavvyskies @justanotherpurplebutterfly @helpimafangirlposts @storytellerofuntoldlegends @seasoflies @otakuudere666 @cicci10 @dont–talk–to–me @isarealdemigod @ppolkadotty @geekgirl1304 @shadowwolf146 @multifandomexplorer @wotusayinm8 @akreliadeklavesht @holdnarrytight @serenity0092 @stripedhorizon @anythingcanandwillbeshipped @islandofthemisifits @chemicallyimbalancedromance @therealscarleyy @rude-meh-dude @captainsparkleshoes @princesscascas1 @thebestbadblog @cup-of-blue @give-me-a-minute-to-think @crazymadredfox @thetranspal @softbludemon @hrtnsolofytube @ashrain5 @jemima719 @superskittlezworld @thestoryoferissur @thebrightsilverlining @fuckinfiteme @invisibleninjah @blog-mrs-hemsworth-universe @boopityboopboopboop @thisimmortalnerd @sparkly-guava @iluvkittens29 @wanterwolf @accidentallyawkward @ask-francis-kinloch @artidan @call-me-jam @raise-a-glass-to-fandoms @rotten-pastel-boy @monkeygirl2455 @solocellist @starlightblood @edgeworthsnoodle @gaysonofjafar @crazybooknerd15 @emeraldgleam @just-stuff-for-everyone @somedobbyoncetoldme @fujoshilordtaco @kaleidoscopekai

Also on ao3 here


“Alright. Favourite character on three.”

“I can’t choose among my darling babies!”

“Roman, they’re not your- whatever, fine. Favourite… book to movie adaptation.”

“Ooh, fancy schmancy. Okay, one, two, three-”

“Prisoner of Azkaban.”

They answer perfectly in sync, and Roman gasps, clapping his hands in excitement and delight. “I knew it!”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Oh, please, you probably just like it cause Harry’s hair is at its most accurate.”

“True, it is fabulously disheveled, but I was more going for… I don’t know, it’s more intangible, just the- the atmosphere is portrayed so well and… of course, there’s still issues- like, The Marauders were not given nearly enough time to explore, nor the Animagi concept and-”

“How about we just watch it, then?” Virgil smirks. “I swear, you’re getting nerdier with every passing day.”

Roman scrabbles around for the DVD, shouting back, “Excuse you, I’ve always been passionate about Potterlore.”

No, really? I don’t think anyone’s noticed.”

Roman has already pressed play on the DVD, loudly humming along to the theme tune. The beginning passes pleasantly enough, although Virgil starts to feel a horrible prickle of familiarity when Harry storms out of Number 4, Privet Drive. Things are different now, he reminds himself, and he concentrates on trying to keep his breathing measured.

Roman glances at him out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t say anything, but subtly taps 1, 2, 3, 4 on a pillow, and it helps, a little. 

They reach The Knight Bus scene and Virgil hears the laughter building in Roman’s voice, even as he tries to say it casually: “Oh, look.” He points as the talking head cracks another pun. “There’s Patton.”

Virgil bursts out into surprised laughter. “D-doesn’t that make Logan Stan Shunpike?!

Roman chuckles. “Wait, wait, hold on!” He snaps his fingers and a replica of Logan’s glasses appear on his face. He adjusts them in an uncanny impression, that shatters as he drawls, “Objectively!” in an appalling cockney accent.

“Oh God, never do that again, Roman, I’ll have nightmares.”

There’s comfortable silence for a while. Virgil finds it oddly endearing how enraptured Roman gets while watching the movie: he mouths along with some lines, and his face goes through a roller-coaster of expressions.

And then, they get to the scene where the Hogwarts Express stops.

And Virgil can feel his uneasiness grow, and he should just be silent, damn it, but he feels like just saying something will make him feel better and, hey, Roman will find it funny, right…?

“Oh, look.” Virgil points as Ron’s hand reaches up to cover the ice forming along the train window. “It’s me.”

Roman’s brow furrows. “…Say what? You’re not Ron.”

Backfired, bad idea, horrible idea! “No, I-” Virgil clears his throat. “I meant-”

The dementor looms onto the screen, and Roman’s face turns white.

“Uh, relax, Roman, it was just a joke.”

He doesn’t need to know it’s a defensive mechanism, ha ha ha, just laugh please-

Roman stares at Virgil. His eyes are wide in absolute horror. “But that’s not true at all!” 

And… wow. He bellows it out with such ferocity that Virgil feels touched.

“It’s fine, Roman. Here.” He nods at the screen. “This means Logan is Lupin, in a way.”

Because isn’t that the truth? he thinks despondently. If not for Logan and that… curve thing, he could never be… managed.

Roman still doesn’t look remotely happy. But, he keeps quiet, brow still furrowed, as if in deep concentration. Eventually, he blessedly breaks the silence by saying, “Perhaps Lupin is a mixture of Logan and Patton.”

“Uh, yeah.” Virgil breathes out, grateful that the subject has been changed. “I can see that. Cute.”

They continue watching, but Roman is still distracted, Virgil can tell. Every so often, he bites his lip.

When they reach the first Divination lesson, Virgil asks, “Hey, um, what house is Trelawney in?” He tries and fails to hide his smirk.

“Hmm.” Roman hums thoughtfully. “Ravenclaw, if memory serves. Why?”

“Oooh. You might need to change Houses.”

Roman gasps, affronted, as Trelawney walks into a table. “I beg your pardon, but I am nothing like her.”

Virgil raises an eyebrow. “Oh, really?” 

And then, he tries it out, this whole teasing thing they seem to have going on. It’s new, but it’s not bad new, and Virgil finds it surprisingly easy to imitate Roman’s booming projection of a voice:

“Are you in the beyond?!

He is stunned that Roman now doesn’t look the least bit offended- he just throws back his head and laughs. 

“An accolade worthy performance, Virgil.”

Virgil smiles. “I just watch and learn from the drama queen.”

They slip into silence again. This time it stretches on for so long that Virgil thinks Roman might have fallen asleep. Maybe he should turn off the-

“A-ha!” Roman exclaims and Virgil jumps.

“Woah, woah, what?”

Roman is smiling, fist punching the air in victory. “I finally figured it out! That is, who you are. In… in this movie, certainly.”

Virgil sighs. “Look, I told you, I’m not bothered about the whole Houses thing-”

But Roman cuts him off, and he points at the screen, as Harry screams, “Expecto Patronum!”

“Why, you’re a Patronus, of course, Virgil! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.”

Virgil blinks, then looks at Roman uncertainly. “I don’t get it.”

“Oh, it’s all in the spell. A lot of them are rooted in Latin words, Logan was telling me. Expecto can mean I wait, and a Patronus is a protector. So Expecto Patronum is like saying, “I wait for a protector.” And, you said it yourself, your goal is to protect. Isn’t it wonderful, Virgil!” Roman claps his hands together. “You’re the Patronus charm!”

Surely he must be mishearing things. It takes Virgil a few attempts until he’s finally able to speak. “You’re… you’re saying that I- that I’m…” Strength? Light? I can drive away darkness? I… protect? 

He feels like his throat is closing up. “That’s… Jesus, Roman.” He sniffs. “That’s… probably the- the nicest thing anyone…”

His voice fails again, but he doesn’t care. He shuffles closer next to Roman on the couch, and Roman just smiles at him, briefly half hugging him with one arm. Then, he’s off waxing lyrical about all the different forms a Patronus can take, and how Virgil’s would probably shapeshift because that would be sweet, and what would everyone else’s be…

Virgil lets his words wash over him. Even if it’s ‘just’ fiction, he knows he’d be able to conjure up a strong Patronus. He already knows what his happy memory would be.


Also on ao3 here.

Why Atypical is Crap- from an Actual Autistic Person

In case you dont already know Atypical is a hot load of garbage (although this shouldn’t really come as a surprise considering how wonderfully Netflix has dealt with mental health in the past) here is my personal run through.  

This is dedicated to the 100 beautiful porn bots that follow my blog, I’m sure you’ll all appreciate this. If any actual autistic people find this though (and if you manage to read through all this crap), I’d appreciate your pov as well since i probably won’t even cover a tenth of what’s wrong (esp considering I’ve only watched the first episode, but take this as first impressions, if you will). 

  • Apparently autism is synonymous with stupidity, but this isn’t much of a surprise since this has become the sweet new meme among edgy 4chan users. 
  • Autistic people are completely gullible and lack any critical thinking whatsoever
  • Only white straight cis men can be autistic (only). It doesn’t matter they are primarily the only demographic shown with autism and this has been the state of things for far too long, or that we desperately need representation for autistic people who are poc, women or lgbt+ (especially considering that girls are frequently misdiagnosed to the point that some medical professionals- medical professionals- refuse to diagnose girls with autism at all, or that many poc struggle to get a diagnoses or even a review because of racist teachers or psychologists)
  • He’s tech savy bc we all know that if he wasn’t interested in computers he wouldn’t be autistic (though i can say that i do appreciate the fact his main special interest is biology and the antarctic, although it still follows the same STEM stereotype)
  • His sister constantly bullies and makes fun of his symptoms (but she defends him against other people so it’s okay) dad can’t relate bc he doesn’t play sports and just generally acts like he hasn’t realised or got over the fact that his son’s autistic (despite living with him for what? 17 yrs???), mum is a typical Autistic Mum™ who is burdened with her godawful son, both parents heavily imply life would be better without him. Not to mention the mother is v. paranoid about him having any kind of independence, bc he ‘can’t survive without them’They have stereotypical Autistic Family™ down to an art, congratulations Netflix for being so revolutionary, because god forbid autistic people actually have a supportive family or group of friends that dont constantly make fun of them and emphasise how much they make their lives a burden. (btw, im not saying that every autistic kid’s family has to be perfect; but their family could  at least treat them with some dignity and not do what every other ableist show has done)
  • He has zero self awareness, and of course he can’t date or do anything well without being heavily dependent on a nt. (Can I also emphasise that im not saying autistic people dont have these symptoms, just that they are used so often that its a huge stereotype and is portrayed as a crude caricature) 
  • He can’t date what a surprise never seen that one before netflix we already know autistics are r*t*rds that can’t date of course they can't 
  • The stupid as fuck instance when his psychiatrist asks for his brain??? How did they think that was ok?? (and even if it was, it’s totally impractical and ignores the fact that there are plenty of older -and already dead- autistic people who are, you know, not 60+ years away from dying
  • He can only ever talk about his special interest because autistics never talk about anything else you know never. 
  • ‘i can see your bra’ ??? (again, caricature)
  • there’s so much that bugs me but its hard to articulate sometimes so again, if there’s an autistic person who has seen this crap and has something to add i’d really appreciate it.
  • also apparently it was written by non-autistic people (am i surprised??) and the cast isn’t autistic. I dont think i have to go into how fucking stupid this is, considering it’s A STORY ABOUT BEING AUTISTIC AND NO ONE WHO HAS WORKED ON IT IS AUTISTIC. How the fuck do people think making this shit was a good idea?? 
  • ‘every time the phone rings’ (suchhhh a burdennnn, he’s not the same as themmm)
  • Sam is another Sheldon
  • The thing i hate the most about the show is the level of condescension. I feel like the protagonist is presented as the same caricature, straight white guy who is afraid to talk to girls, nerdy and smart but without an ounce of independence, never speaks up for himself and is a collection of all the stereotypes we’ve seen before, he lacks any nuances what so ever. He is another autistic character written by neurotypical people.
  • apparently also their only form of research was talking to autistic kids (bc you know we’re so r*t*rded that we’re all the same, regardless of age) and parents
  • Autism Speaks supports it, I don’t think I need to continue. 

Ok, but all this other stuff isn’t even that infuriating because, you know, we’ve seen it so many times before it’s just laughable. But they crossed a fucking line (and I’m not joking with this one) when they decided that it was ok to use one of my favourite fucking bands in their shit tv show. I’m always going to be reminded of this crap whenever I listen to them again, Netflix, and I’m fukcing pissed its not fucking acceptable. fuck. you.

I feel like I’ve covered most of the things I had problems with, but again I’d love if other autistic people could add on to the discussion (neurotypicals are welcome to reblog)

Prince!Seokmin

find the other members [here]

  • is the most popular prince in the history of the village
  • like no one has ever been so universally adored and enjoyed,,,like even when other village officials visit that have tension with the government - one meeting with seokmin and they’re,,,,,,,ready to swear peace
  • his parents say it’s his smile,,,,a healing smile,,,,,a smile that no one can resist
  • but it’s also because seokmin is selfless and does his best to make people comfortable and feel cared for
  • like an angel that knows just what people want to hear,,,,he makes not only the people of his village feel good,,,,he makes the people he works with feel it too
  • other princes like woozi or wonwoo seem so stoic during interviews or broadcasted events,,,,yet when prince seokmin shows up even those with the coldest auras are photographed laughing and having a good time
  • has been studying singing since he was small,,,,his voice was recognized by his parents and the nation when at twelve he sang the national anthem at a new years celebration
  • and the entire country fell quiet for his amazing vocal range
  • since then he’s always sung the anthem at opening games and other important events,,,,,but he’s also sung at orphanages and carnivals for kids
  • because if there’s anything that gets kids excited it’s having the actual prince sitting on the floor with them singing the theme song to sesame street with a big kind smile on his face
  • the kids dont even call him prince seokmin they call him older brother and parents or teachers would try to correct them but seokmin is always just like :—–) no,,,,,,,,older brother seokmin is Good
  • once got photographed enjoying some ice cream in the palace gardens and he looked so nice that the ice cream brand used the photo on its advertisements askfljsg
  • all time best friend is a local blacksmith hoshi who people are surprised to find out has known seokmin since they were literal children
  • hoshi talking about seokmin: “he’s the prince, but when we were kids he played the hors-”
  • seokmin appearing out of thin air: “hoshi and i are only business affiliates now. please do not believe what he says.”
  • but they really are close like seokmin is the type to tell his bodyguards they don’t need to come with him when he heads to the village to see hoshi because he feels so at peace with his people and with his friends
  • like he’ll stroll around like he’s just another commoner and not you know,,,,,,the prince of the land
  • doesn’t like suits or formal wear,,,,,,but when his hair is pulled back he just looks,,,,,Regal


  • even though seokmin is completely fine on his own,,,,,,,
  • his parents aren’t always ok with seokmin walking around unguarded
  • and since seokmin has this charming way around him he’s easily able to get the people who his parents hire to let him slip away unnoticed,,,,afterall he’s just a likable guy
  • even his own staff let’s him get away with anything
  • so that’s why his parents hire you,,,,,,,,you’ve built up a reputation of kind of being,,,,,,,unmovable
  • you like to think it’s just part of your personality and the job - if you get hired to protect someone, you have to do whats best for their safety, and sneaking away is breaking that
  • also,,,,you’ve learned to keep an unreadable face - not even the funniest joke or tickling makes you break,,,,,,you think it’s unprofessional to build “friendly” relationships with who you work with. especially who you have to protect with your life
  • which is why on the first day,,,,,when seokmin makes a pun using your name you stare at him blankly
  • the whole room is silent,,,,aside from a waiter who leaves the room stifling a giggle
  • and seokmin tilts his head, smile not dropping from his lips “i see you’re not a joke person?”
  • you nod, making seokmin scrunch up his nose a bit and turn on his heel with a clap
  • “it’s ok, im sure ill get a laugh out of you someday!”
  • you don’t say it outloud because well he /is/ the prince but you think to yourself that he can try all he wants, no one has ever made you laugh on the job
  • the first couple of weeks is rather easy, everywhere you and seokmin go there’s minimal danger because people respect him and he has little to no known enemies
  • every now and then you catch him trying to take bread offered from bakers or flowers offered from children
  • and you have to intervene and explain that the prince cannot receive presents, making seokmin chuckle and go “lighten up!” but you shake your head
  • who cares if it makes you a debbie-downer, who knows whats in the bread or what kind of flowers those are, you can’t risk the princes safety
  • seokmin tries, on multiple occasions, to ask you about your life and hobbies
  • “you’re a pretty private person, but there must be something you like? dogs? fairs? fireworks? candy?”
  • “all of those are fine, my prince.”
  • you give the same flat answer each time and seokmin’s happy, mischievous expression falters just a bit
  • but you keep a straight face, knowing that it’s better to be focused on the surroundings then on the prince getting to know you better
  • questions turn to actions,,,,seokmin tries making funny faces at you when he’s bored at a meeting, or telling a funny story that has everyone in an uproar except you, accidentally tripping or falling for basic comedic relief but all you do is help him back and ask if he’s ok
  • seokmin can’t wrap his head around it,,,,,,is it because you have no sense of humor?????? do you not like him????? what is it??????
  • no one has ever managed to be around him for more than fifteen minutes and not smile
  • and here you are, calmly watching the village go by through the windows of the car as seokmin sits beside you
  • hands crossed over his chest,,,,thinking of any good jokes to crack or silly antics to pull
  • your phone goes off and you pull it out because the alert tone means its from the palace
  • you read the message,,,,it concerns a schedule change for seokmin but before you can tell the prince
  • the car makes a jerking turn and ends up pushing you to the side
  • you try to catch yourself before you go falling off the seat, but seokmin reaches to hold your arm, frowning and telling you that you should wear your seat belt - he’s got his on
  • for a moment, he looks up to see an expression of shock on your face
  • the most he’s seen since you started working as his bodyguard,,,,,,and seokmin doesn’t know how to explain it but
  • the small sigh of relief you do when you sit back down,,,,,something about it
  • makes you look so,,,,,cute
  • but you know you shouldn’t have done it,,you clear your throat to play if off and tell him that he’s going to have to cancel dinner with the officials from one of the villages schools because the royals staying in his families palace have decided they want seokmin’s family to throw a ball to see them off
  • and even seokmin,,,,,who loves parties and social events,,,,,rolls his eyes
  • because the royals staying with his family have been such brats - even though he’s managed to put up the front of liking them in order to get them to sign a treaty with his parents
  • seokmin mumbles that they ask way too much and are overstaying their visit in his home anyway
  • you look at him, eyebrow raised just slightly because you’ve never seen seokmin say anything remotely negative about anyone
  • and he shrugs his shoulders and goes “you’re not the only one who puts on a good mask you know.”
  • the words,,,,,make you think for a moment,,,,,,that essentially he’s right - it’s a mask
  • you’re not an emotionless person and neither are you someone that hates smiling or whatever, you just want to look and act apathetic so you don’t,,,,,,have to show weakness
  • seokmin’s radiant smile and bubbly personality,,,,,you just assumed 100% was true all the time - but maybe there are days when he doesn’t want to be the positive energy
  • like a normal person,,,,he just wants to relax
  • but as you get to the palace, that smile of his is on again and when you open the car door you see a couple of the waiters come running toward him
  • asking him 94302 questions about the ball they need to set up in four hours
  • seokmin, with an assuring couple of words calms down their franticness
  • he leads them all back into the house and you follow, watching carefully as seokmin handles the menu and decorations like a pro
  • sometimes you think someone whose always looking on the bright side might be a little foolish,,,,,but seokmin is able to be so organized and encouraging
  • it makes you feel a sense of ,,,,,,pride,,,,,that the place where you’re from has a prince so capable and kind
  • seokmin passes by you with a waiter who shows him different types of roses
  • and you turn to follow, but seokmin puts up a hand and goes “you can have the rest of the day off - ill be in the palace so i should be safe.”
  • you open your mouth to disagree, but seokmin explains that it’s an order and that your contract doesnt bind you to be by his side 24/7
  • you nod,,,,,slightly distraught that he’d bring that up,,,,,but he disappears down the hall with the waiters as you watch
  • even though seokmin excuses you for the evening,,,,,something doesn’t sit right with you and as you head toward the ballroom the queen, seokmin’s mother comes up to you and asks if you’d go get her son and tell him the bratty royals are having another problem with the menu
  • you nod,,,,,walking slightly faster than usual because for some odd reason there’s an excitement in your chest about being able to stay with seokmin a little longer
  • you reach his bedroom, the large doors thrown open as you come inside and see seokmin standing talking with another person
  • the person,,,,,,you recognize,,,,,is the daughter of the royals staying in the palace
  • she’s young and known for being loud and bossy, but seokmin seems to be handling the conversation well
  • she jumps up, throwing her arms around him when he finishes his sentence and it startles both you and seokmin
  • when she turns to dash out of the room, she bumps your shoulder and doesn’t turn around to apologize
  • you touch it but seokmin’s voice calling your name breaks your concern
  • “the queen told me to inform you that the royals don’t like having duck on the menu.”
  • seokmin’s shoulders drop and you can see that the stress is getting to him, balls take months to plan on occasion and usually the palace isn’t even responsible a committee is hired to host
  • but you know that seokmin wants to do anything to keep on these people’s good side in order to keep the treaty agreement
  • “ok, but the chef has already started and if he has to scrape that duck it’s so much food wasted. ill think of something,,,,”
  • he sits on the edge of his bed, head in his hands as he mumbles to himself
  • you watch him,,,,,,slightly unnerved by the image of a seokmin so starkly different from his usual self
  • and you’re one that always follows rules and regulations, always keeps your emotions out of it but
  • stepping forward you go
  • “my prince, if anything ,,,,,,,,,,,,, can’t you just ,,,,,,,,,, say no this one time?”
  • seokmin shakes his head,,,,,, “i can’t say no, i can’t let people know that there’s something i can’t do. i have to fight through this with a smile,,,”
  • “but what if there was an emergency,,,,,,,what if someone had to take you away and you couldn’t make the ball?”
  • seokmin looks at you,,,,,,,,,,he blinks and goes “aren’t you a stickler for rules,,,,,,,,,,and you’re proposing i make up some scheme to get out of this?”
  • slowly you nod,,,,playing with your fingers behind your back from nervousness
  • a small smile spreads on seokmin’s face and he goes ,,,,,,, “do you have a plan?”
  • you nod,,,,,telling him to wait as you rush down the stairs
  • the queen is standing with the royals,,,,,she looks upset as they complain about this and that and you stop before her
  • bowing and going “your majesty, the prince went out to meet a guest for the ball but it seems the guest and the prince are gone. i am going to need for the ball to be canceled so all forces can be focused on finding the prince.”
  • your words almost make the queen faint,,,, the royal family bursts into a wave of shocked noises and the girl who’d been with seokmin cries out that now she won’t be able to dance with him
  • you look to the queen for her approval and she fans herself but nods “the ball is off, find my son!”
  • with that you set off down the hall, rushing up the stairs and into seokmins room
  • he opens his mouth to ask what’s going on
  • “we’re running away.”
  • “wait, like forever?”
  • “no, for tonight so you and this whole country can avoid this dumb ball. now let’s go!”
  • you take his hand and the two of you run through the palace, you give every waiter or servant a knowing look and seokmin puts his finger over his lips
  • they all smile and nod in confirmation as seokmin shows you a secret passage out to the gardens
  • when you’re safely away, you ask if seokmin knows where you two can stay long enough to avoid the palace till tomorrow
  • he grins and says he knows /just/ the place
  • though the village is a good walk away, you and seokmin having to duck in small alleys and curved roads to avoid anyone seeing you
  • you come across a blacksmith’s shop, the closed sign confuses you, but seokmin does three short knocks and then whispers some kind of passcode against it
  • and like magic, it opens
  • hoshi goes “i heard you were missing!” seokmin grins and shrugs “i am, for the night.”
  • hoshi looks from him to you and sticks out his hand
  • “im hoshi, seokmins go-to hideout”
  • you shake it,,,,,and hoshi wiggles his eyebrows
  • “you two an,,,,,,,item?”
  • you flush red and seokmin chuckles
  • “i cant even make them laugh, they’re my bodyguard!”
  • hoshi grins, going on about how he’s always had more luck than seokmin when it comes to love! the two of them bicker like school yard boys
  • and you can’t help it,,,,,it’s so silly,,,,,,,,,that you giggle
  • seokmin turns to you,,,,,,eyes wide
  • and hoshi points to you too “i thought you said they don’t laugh seokmin?”
  • “that’s the first ive heard it!”
  • you cover your mouth with your hand, turning around and pretending to be interested in the different tools hanging up in hoshi’s shop
  • hoshi invites you two to go upstairs while he finishes some work
  • and you and seokmin find yourself seated at a small table,,,,,,the prince of the place you grew up,,,,,someone so untouchable
  • sitting 5 feet away with no crown and drinking tea from a cracked old mug
  • you sit,,,,,,,still wearing the all black uniform for bodyguards and your phone rings like crazy for updates
  • you pick it up but seokmin snatches it, turning it off and throwing it onto hoshi’s couch
  • “we’ll deal with it tomorrow.”
  • you feel horrible about leaving the queen and others in the dark,,,but seokmin looks so much less stressed
  • and it seems like maybe a night from forced smiling and constant interactions would be good for him
  • ,,,,,,and your concern is still always the princes safety
  • here might be more safe than the palace for tonight
  • seokmin stares at you,,,,,you rub at your face and ask if there’s something on it but he just goes
  • “i like your laugh, why don’t you laugh more?”
  • “,,,,,,,,,part of my job is to keep things professional. laughing,,,,,smiling,,,,,thats for friends-”
  • “then whats helping me runaway for? friends,,,,,,,,,or?”
  • you look at him,,,trying hard to suppress the warmth crawling up into your face at seokmin’s words
  • he leans over,,,,,and when he’s close enough that your heart starts racing
  • he goes “thank you, for helping me”
  • “it,,,,,,it’s my job,,,,,,,,,,”
  • seokmin is still close and you almost can’t breathe,,,,,,
  • you’ve seen him everyday for so long and even before that you’d seen him on tv so much
  • yet nothing captures how absolutely gorgeous he is in real life
  • and seokmin tilts his face,,,,,,you close your eyes and think that the most unprofessional thing in the world is kissing your client
  • but you’ve already broken so many of your “rules”
  • that when seokmin kisses you,,,,,,it feels like the only right thing in the world
  • when you pull back,,,seokmin sits back down, his hand knocks over the tea on the table and it spills all over him
  • letting out a yelp,,,,he stands up to wipe at his clothes
  • and you,,,,,,,,reach for napkins but can’t help but laugh at him clumsiness
  • seokmin lets you help but you hear him say
  • “out of all the things, you find me being a clutz funny?? is that all i had to do to make you laugh???”
  • you shrug and say that you’re not usually one to laugh at others,,,,,but he’s just,,,,,,,,so cutely oblivious sometimes
  • when you fall asleep, exhausted from the day on hoshi’s couch seokmin drapes his jacket over you
  • hoshi comes up and asks when you two need to be back at the palace
  • but seokmin just elbows him smugly and goes
  • “they called me cute.”
  • hoshi: wow, do you want a prize you lovestruck idiot

the-sixth-month  asked:

I know I already told you (but that doesnt matter because Im sure you dont remember me) that I love how you draw Stan. And... basically everything else. I figured you draw everything in special shapes! I for myself try to draw more in shapes for drawing pracitce and not with these skeletons. You are really good at this! Maybe if you have time and if you want to, could you give me/us a small toturial? And maybe you dont even draw with shapes and its just me haha... Thank! :3

Thank you! But oh gosh, I really am the last person you should ask for a tutorial. I don’t think I have any conscious technique to it, I just sort of wing it. But I’m gonna try my best to explain my thoughts on different body types and how I draw them! I don’t draw shapes in the way I think you mean. At least I’m guessing you’re referring to something like this:

While I think this could actually be a pretty good way to go about it, this isn’t how I work. What I do is, I draw a rough outline of the character using a thick brush. Let’s take the sketch and line art of this drawing of Stan as an example:

So as you can see, there’s no real shapes or help lines or anything like that. But what I can tell you is this: when I draw bodies I always try to make them as dynamic as possible! My tip for drawing bodies is EXAGGERATE, EXAGGERATE, EXAGGERATE! Exaggerate the body types of different characters to add variety! Exaggerate different parts of the same character to make them more dynamic!

Since we’re on the topic of Stan, let’s talk about Stan and Ford. Identical twins with different body shapes? You can bet your sweet ass I’m gonna exaggerate those two in completely different directions! Identical twins are like the holy grail of character design practice - take two characters with the same face and see just how different you can make them! Let’s draw a quick doodle of the Stan twins:

Even in the rough outline you can clearly tell who’s who just from their body shapes. If you want to practice drawing different body types, I highly recommend trying to make the characters distinct from each other at the earliest possible stage of your drawing. Try to make it so that even from a rough sketch with no facial features or clothes you’ll still be able to tell which character is which!

Why am I going on about this? Because body shapes should not be treated as an afterthought! They need to be there, right from the beginning, right from the very first draft! I quite often see people draw fat characters that just look… odd. And you know why they look odd? Because it looks like the artist just sketched an average person and then added some chub during the line art process. Human bodies don’t really work like that! Unless we’re talking like a beer belly here, then the fat will be more evenly distributed across at least part of the body. This affects things like breadth of shoulders and hips, in other words the very frame of the body. If you’re a cartoonist, just adding some chub to a sketch of an average frame will never get a result that is as good and dynamic as a character than was drawn as fat from the very first draft (and this is why I think working from shapes can be very beneficial!).

Okay, so drawing different body types requires both planning and variety. But how do I go about designing a body? Well, personally, I work a lot with contrast, not only between different characters, but also within a single character. Since we’re on the subject of the Stan twins, let’s talk about Ford a bit. Ever wondered why I draw him with the same skinny legs as Stan, even though they’re thicker than his in canon? Well, part of it is because I draw them as identical and thus their fat distribution would work in the same way. But more importantly, it’s because my art style relies heavily on contrast in order to make characters appear as dynamic as possible!

I often draw characters like this – where one half of the body is broad/thick and the other narrow/thin. Let’s refer to it as ‘horizontal exaggeration’.

But what if I want to draw a character that is thin or thick all over? Can I still make them exaggerated and dynamic? Heck yeah, I can! Let’s talk about, uh, let’s call it ‘vertical exaggeration’! On the average human being, the midpoint of the body is at crotch level. Playing around with this midpoint helps a lot with making cartoony body types more dynamic!

Want to draw an overall thin character? Putting their crotch line higher up than usual will help emphasize how gangly they are. Meanwhile, a fat or stocky character is often drawn with a lower crotch line to help emphasize their girth.

In summary… I don’t really have any special techniques to teach anyone, but I really want to encourage people not to be afraid to exaggerate when it comes to body shapes! Exaggerate horizontally! Exaggerate vertically! Make those bodies weird and dynamic! I realize this is more of a rambling mess then a tutorial, but, uh…  I hope someone might have found this helpful?

And last but not least… Don’t worry if you can’t draw different body types just yet – just keep drawing and practicing and you’ll get the hang of it eventually! I think a lot of us have been at that stage where we were only able to draw skinny characters. Let’s take a look at how I drew bodies 8 and a half years ago and end this with a laugh!

If I can move past this stage, then so can all of you! Just keep drawing, keep practicing, and most of all, keep having fun doing it! Good luck!

anonymous asked:

people think its about harry cuz the lyric i "burton to his taylor"

i have several anons on this topic i will address the subject of who i think it is about below

1. Burton to his Taylor - a reputation reference

  • A purposeful specific reference
  • Burton met Taylor on the set of Cleopatra
  • Joe is an actor like burton 
  • Liz Taylor was playing the role of Cleopatra when they met. The Queen (of Egypt). Taylor was playing the role of a snake cult queen or whatever people were saying she was last summer
  • Cleopatra was known as the Queen of Kings, her enemies feared that she was plotting a huge revenge against all her enemies to establish herself as the empress of Rome. This is a funny irony when cast to Taylor’s reputation in 2016 and callback to her reputation as wanting to get revenge on her enemies and stay “Queen” of her kingdom
  • Joe met Taylor when everyone was calling her a snake
  • Cleopatra is the queen who killed herself with a snake bite fyi.
  • Liz Taylor and Burton are generally considered to be one of the greatest love stories of all time
  • Liz had a reputation for dating a lot of men

2. Some boys are trying too hard / he didnt try at all though

  • this does not fit pre-harry whatsoever. it could fit pre-Joe even if people don’t want it to. she’s saying Joe wasnt trying to win her over or persuade her to date him that it just happened

3. Knew i was a robber / Stealing hearts and never saying sorry - a reputation reference

  • big comment on her reputation via a metaphor
  • obviously this is satire since she’s not a bad person, a robber
  • this fits perfectly with the reputation taylor had in 2016 something people have accused her of with both Tom and CH; that she stole their hearts, left them and didnt apologize for it. Or in general her perception as a serial dater.  This was absolutely a perception of Taylor last fall and she is saying Joe knew she was a ‘robber’. This relates 0% with her reputation around or before Harry. Jake left her and left her brokenhearted, Conor was just none of that.

4.  But if i’m a thief then / he can join the heist then / we’ll move to an island / and he can be my jailer - a reputation reference, another metaphor

  • piggybacking on the above, she’s going look if i’m a robber then i can be that person, i can work with this. So she’s like mocking her supposed reputation
  • if i’m a heartbreaker than if you take me some where and ‘guard me’ then i cant break any more hearts (rob anyone else, continue to be a thief)

4. Younger than my exes (not “youngest” btw)

  • Joe is younger than her exes (plural) particularly the last two which is common to refer
  • Joe is not an ex

5. I-Island breeze and lights down low / No one has to know

  • Harry was not a secret. Tom was not a secret. CH was not a secret. Joe, otoh? he was
  • the reference of i-i-i to i know places (we can hide) - again, she hid with Joe and no one else
  • where did they hide? an island. Called England

6. Are you ready for it / baby let the games begin- reputation

  • Are you ready to deal with everything that comes with dating Taylor including her reputation of being a robber, a heartbreaker
  • are you ready for the games to begin - is this the hiding, the evading paps, the crazy stories about her, the stories that’ll get made up about the relationship…  goes back to her reputation
  • let the games begin – this is the kick off to the album (track one) also this song is the first time she has talked about joe, now everyone is gonna run with their stories and theories (you know, posts like this). Conversely, it is not the kick off to anything related to any other man again why this is relating to him 

7. If he’s a ghost then i can be a phantom

  • No one saw either of them, Taylor or Joe. They were literally ghosts, invisible, for months on end. 
  • if he’s a ghost (unknown), then i can be a phantom - she can make herself unknown and unseen too by using her wigs and stuff lmao 
  • when harry refers to two ghosts he refers to two people who seemed invisible to each other in their present form because they no longer knew each other. A Completely Different ghost reference

8. I keep him forever

  • obviously harry and her are over we established this a lonnnng time ago so this can’t apply

9. in the middle of the night / in my dreams / you should see the things we do baby, mmm/   in the middle of the night / in my dreams / i know i’m gonna be with you/ so i take my time - not a reputation reference

  • she sees herself with this man in her future (she just met him but she knows she’s gonna be with him (in bed, she is already dreaming about it lol)) so she’s not going to rush it (i’m gonna take my time) and take things slow. And this is when the music slows down too like its a sharp contrast to the robber verses like it gets all dreamy sounding
  • seeing a future with you and taking it slow, that screams Joe and no one else tbqh dont even try harry with this lyric

10. Marie Claire pointed out that the ‘knew he was a killer / first time that i saw him’ could relate to Joe playing the role of a soldier in Billy Lynn - here i just thought it was his killer good looks

all these reputation references as marked above really play into where taylor was last summer or fall, and no other real point in her life. Hence, Joe. 

part 2 of 3rd grade teacher nursey?? yes?? ok

(part one)

  • calls all of his kiddos “little bro” regardless of gender. the occasional “little dude” or “little man”
  • the first time he wears a short sleeve dress shirt to school all the kids are obsessed with his tattoo
    • “mr n has a forever drawing on his arm :000″
  • hes the ultimate kid whisperer. anything these kids throw at him? hes got it covered
    • kids are fighting about who gets the 64 pack of crayons. jeremy got them yesterday and now he wants them again?? theres like 4 other kids who want to use them jeremy dont be a dick
    • nursey’s like “can i give you guys a special project? i need a big drawing to put up on the wall. but you all have to help and you all need to use the crayons”
    • jeremy, immediately distributing the crayons and getting a big ass piece of paper: ok mr n!!!!!!

Keep reading

super massive richjake headcanon post

ok so basically this is gonna be a huge headcanon post about richjake that @richardgoranski and i made over the past like month (anything in bold is a direct quote from connor)


  • so back when chloe and jake are dating chloe is like ‘i think we should break up’ and jakes like um why and chloe is like well clearly youre in love with rich and also i like brooke
  • and jake is like um what i have no idea what youre talking about and chloe turns jake around to look at rich whos on the other side of the hallway/room and his breath hitches and chloe is like smh u Gayass
  • and so chloe is like jake just ask him out!! but jake keeps denying it like haha what im not in love with rich idk where youre getting this from until chloe just stands there and gives him A Look and jake is just like…..ok fine but what if he says no and chloe is like wtf youll be fine
  • so jake goes up to rich and is uncharacteristically nervous and red and he confesses to rich and asks him out and rich is like omg….and accepts and BOOM theyre dating 

under the cut are just some (lmao i mean A LOT) random headcanons that dont go in any particular order

Keep reading

which character should you fight (ft. Gen 1 FE:A dudes)

Chrom
Winner: You
look at this guy. look at his fashion choices. look at his nerd-ass lying on the ground in the smash trailer. someone needs to set this boy right. you may incur the wrath of everyone you dont want to fight but hey. do it for us. do it for all of humanity. (warning: he may try to marry you after. or before. or during.)

Frederick
Winner: who do you fuckin think
why would you even think about fighting frederick why would that thought ever cross your mind i mean 1. have you seen him. he has grown ass men and seasoned warriors on their knees praying, tears or sweat - fuck if they know - dripping down their faces just from his workouts. he’s the one who has to carry the bullshit of an entire kingdom, including his lords. 2. it was his ass that carried your slovenly ass through the first four chapters of lunatic/+ so how about you show some fucking respect. get fredereckt

Virion
Winner: You
are you kidding me? punch him in the crumpet. take his tea and pour it out in front of him. you get some on your clothes? no problem, rip his godforsaken cravat off and mop it up. if you’re a girl you might get away with it. otherwise he might fuck you up. who cares, it’s worth it.

Stahl
Winner: Stahl
fighting him will accomplish nothing. you’ll go up to him all ready for a tussle and he’ll glance over at you with a sleepy lopsided grin and a “oh hey, what’s up?” and that’s it. you’re done. you’ll lose all will to fight. his chill is contagious. and if you do somehow retain your fighting spirit? he’ll knock you flat on your ass. probably apologize too. it’ll be embarrassing for both of you. i mean the dude was trained by frederick after all. but i mean he’ll probably help you up and offer you food so idk. if you’re starving go for it.

Vaike
Winner: 50/50
look, i know what you’re thinking. look at all those muscles. the dude is ripped. fight him anyway. do it. he’ll probably forget his axe somewhere so you probably wont die. fuck him up. someone has to for the abomination that is “teach just got tenure.” Let him atone.

Lon’qu
Winner: Depends
If you aren’t a girl, you will be sliced into pieces so thin tharja might mistake you for her mesh body suit. if you are…. i mean you can try, but he’ll run. you can win if your cardio is good enough. go. chase him. Be Free.

Ricken
Winner: You
okay he’s the nerdiest of nerds but he’s also a fucking child so. idk man you can fight him if you want but what’s the point. if anything getting beat up by you will fuel his teenage rage and he’ll keep it stewing inside himself until he’s big enough to fight back and then you’ll have to deal with years of pent of rage and a napoleon complex but on a full sized being and no one wants to play therapist in a scrap. it just isnt worth it. i mean unless you’re like itachi uchiha then by all means go ahead

Gaius
Winner: You, but only with careful planning
ok so gaius isnt the toughest cookie, but he doesnt want to fight and he has access to the assassin class and i dont know about you but in my experience fighting assassins is no bueno. you get one punch in maybe if you’re lucky and take them by surprise but then youre dead and you cant fight for shit anymore. BUT if you take all his candy, his blood sugar will get low, making him weak and agitated. this is the optimal time to fight him. make sure he knows you’re the one who stole his candy. make sure he can smell the sugar on your breath. note: he may not spare your life if he gets the upper hand.

Gregor
Winner: Gregor, but you win friendship
i’ll be frank, gregor will beat the everloving shit out of you and there is nothing you can do about it should you choose to fight him. he’ll do it laughing and smiling, not even realizing he broke three of your frail ribs with one pulled punch. but he will absolutely take you out for a round after and exchange drunken stories with you. so fight him. even if he refuses, pay him to fight you. he cant say no to money and nothing is more valuable than fire-forged friendships.

Libra
Winner: Libra
why the fuck do you want to fight the priest. fuck fine, you know what? fight him. see what happens. he’s the only one who will pray for your immortal soul while you bleed out. but guess what, jackass? the gods are gonna see you tried to fight a priest and they’re gonna send your ass to the void anyway

Henry
Winner: ???
man fuck i dunno what this guy’s deal is. on one hand he’s a dark mage genius who was raised by wolves and then sent to a horrific boarding school/orphanage making him literally the stuff horror films are made of. on the other he can be a pretty nice guy if you’re his friend and he’s kinda fucked up so he might let you win. his crows will probably peck you to death either way though so its a lose-lose situation.

Basilio
Winner: Basilio
same deal as gregor, except basilio is hard-mode. he might accidentally kill you while you fight and his friendship is an even rarer flower. you gotta be charming. you gotta be smart. you gotta be somewhat strong. but if you do manage to get your ass beat and stay alive in such a way that he wants to grab a pint with you, take that beautiful budding friendship, hold it close to your breast and never let go

Donnel
Winner: You
he’s by far the sorriest character you get at recruitment. if it weren’t for that pot on his head, a feather falling too hard could kill him. but he’s a farmer that works day in and day out just so his village can survive. do you really want to fight the paradigm of the wondrous and wholesome rural life we should all aspire to? you capitalist pig.

i hope i didn’t forget anyone

Effortless

Summary: In which losing someone shouldn’t be so effortless, but your friend does it without thinking twice. 

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,290

A/N: Title inspired by Over My Head by the Fray. This is for anyone who had a friend abandon them for no reason (that you’re aware of) and who felt the sting of that loss.

@avengerstories - you’re honestly the queen of editing and I’d be lost without you.

Originally posted by jlstreck

Your silence is something Bucky is unfamiliar with. For as long as he’s known you, you’ve always had something to say. When he first arrived at the tower and refused to say a word, you were there to talk enough for the both of you. He didn’t tell you then, but it was the thing that comforted him most during those early days.

Your silence is something Bucky doesn’t know what to do with. It comes out of the blue and makes him question what’s wrong. Or more correctly, what he did wrong. You still let him hug you whenever he wants and kiss you until the both of you are gasping for air, yet he still can’t help but wonder.

Your silence makes Bucky nervous because what could have possibly happened to turn you into a shadow of the person you once were?

Keep reading

Sansa and her “Stark connection”

Since the fandom is always saying how Sansa is not a Real Stark ™    I wanted to  make a post in which I explain why Sansa, born in the Winter (unlike Arya or Bran or Rickon born in the long Summer), in Winterfell (unlike Jon or Robb born in the south) will always be a Stark ( no Lannister or Baelish or whatever…), no matter who she is forced to marry (to survive I might add..). 

 In AGOT Sansa (before her father died, and when she was meant to marry joffrey) is already very proud of her Stark origins. 

Alyn carried the Stark banner. When she saw him rein in beside Lord Beric to exchange words, it made Sansa feel ever so proud.

While prefering The Seven (like her mother) she does admire the poetry of the old gods. 

Besides, even if she could leave the castle, where would she go? It was enough that she could walk in the yard, pick flowers in Myrcella’s garden, and visit the sept to pray for her father. Sometimes she prayed in the godswood as well, since the Starks kept the old gods.

By the time she reached the godswood, the noises had faded to a faint rattle of steel and a distant shouting. Sansa pulled her cloak tighter. The air was rich with the smells of earth and leaf. Lady would have liked this place, she thought. There was something wild about a godswood; even here, in the heart of the castle at the heart of the city, you could feel the old gods watching with a thousand unseen eyes.

While she is called little bird, or little dove (when people want to undermine her), she is called wolf  too.

Tyrion found himself thinking of his wife. Not Sansa; his first wife, Tysha. The whore wife, not the wolf wife.

“Your Grace has forgotten the Lady Sansa,” said Pycelle.

The queen bristled. “I most certainly have not forgotten that little she-wolf.” She refused to say the girl’s name.

And Sansa herself when she is in put  a hard position takes courage in her Stark origins. Its something that gives her  strength:

Do as you’re told, sweetling, it won’t be so bad. Wolves are supposed to be brave, aren’t they?

“Brave. Sansa took a deep breath. I am a Stark, yes, I can be brave.

"Winterfell?” Robert was small for eight, a stick of a boy with splotchy skin and eyes that were always runny. Under one arm he clutched the threadbare cloth doll he carried everywhere.

Winterfell is the seat of House Stark,” Sansa told her husband-to-be. “The great castle of the north.”

“Do you require guarding?” Marillion said lightly. “I am composing a new song, you should know. A song so sweet and sad it will melt even your frozen heart. ‘The Roadside Rose,’ I mean to call it. About a baseborn girl so beautiful she bewitched every man who laid eyes upon her.

I am a Stark of Winterfell, she longed to tell him. Instead she nodded, and let him escort her down the tower steps and along a bridge. 

 Petyr put his arm around her. “What if it is truth he wants, and justice for his murdered lady?” He smiled. “I know Lord Nestor, sweetling. Do you imagine I’d ever let him harm my daughter?

"I am not your daughter, she thought. I am Sansa Stark, Lord Eddard’s daughter and Lady Catelyn’s, the blood of Winterfell.

"As was bringing me here, when you swore to take me home.”She wondered where this courage had come from, to speak to him so frankly. From Winterfell, she thought. I am stronger within the walls of Winterfell.

I will tell my aunt that I don’t want to marry Robert. Not even the High Septon himself could declare a woman married if she refused to say the vows. She wasn’t a beggar, no matter what her aunt said. She was thirteen, a woman flowered and wed, the heir to Winterfell.

.His seamed and solemn face brought back all of Sansa’s memories of his time at Winterfell. She remembered him at table, speaking quietly with her mother. She heard his voice booming off the walls when he rode back from a hunt with a buck behind his saddle. She could see him in the yard, a practice sword in hand, hammering her father to the ground and turning to defeat Ser Rodrik as well. He will know me. How could he not? She considered throwing herself at his feet to beg for his protection. He never fought for Robb, why should he fight for me?

From the high battlements of the gatehouse, the whole world spread out below them. Sansa could see the Great Sept of Baelor on Visenya’s hill, where her father had died. At the other end of the Street of the Sisters stood the fire-blackened ruins of the Dragonpit. To the west, the swollen red sun was half-hidden behind the Gate of the Gods. The salt sea was at her back, and to the south was the fish market and the docks and the swirling torrent of the Blackwater Rush. And to the north …She turned that way, and saw only the city, streets and alleys and hills and bottoms and more streets and more alleys and the stone of distant walls. Yet she knew that beyond them was open country, farms and fields and forests, and beyond that, north and north and north again, stood Winterfell.

but personally my favorite line about Sansa being always a Stark and belonging North in Winterfell  (Never a Lannister! , no matter who she marries) is this quote by Ned: 

When it was over, he said, “Choose four men and have them take the body north. Bury her at Winterfell.”

“All that way?” Jory said, astonished.

“All that way,” Ned affirmed. “The Lannister woman shall never have this skin.

Sansa whole story (to me) is about her journey retaking her Stark origins which were stolen from her in the worst of way, just like they killed her wolf Lady. But just like Lady remains, Sansa place is and always will be in the north, as a Stark of Winterfell. 

i like how people are looking at my joseph analysis and either thing its 100% canon or garbage and horrible and that im just trying to make joseph out to be a villain and that i think robert and mary have no flaws themselves

so have another analysis mostly focused on mary’s issues

this is just my theory guys i never stated anything in there to be canon mary could be an alcoholic for a completely different reason that doesnt relate to josephs cheating in the slightest but i find it hard to believe joseph would settle down with someone he’s fully away has a dependency on alcohol and for years outright do nothing about it to help her especially considering hes a christian youth minister.

it might have something to do with mary mentioning “this isnt my first rodeo, it’s my 5th” which hints that mary has given birth 5 times or shes calling joseph a manchild which would be absolutely savage of her to do right in front of his fucking face

so it leads me to believe she’s either

  • insulting joseph
  • has had a 5th child before that she either had to give up or it died at a young age
  • miscarried
  • or if the cult ending is real she gave birth to a literal demon at one point

“but travis, she says she gave birth to only four!!!”

c-sections are a thing you guys, she only really mentioned natural birth when she says “squeezed four little”

if she miscarried, lost the child when it was young, or had to give up one of her children, it would definitely hurt her quite a bit. she would most likely resort to self-destructive behavior as a result.

and ive got a lot of people wondering why mary would become friends with robert knowing that he’s slept with joseph. she must not know, right? otherwise she’d just hate robert, right?

nah man

mary’s smart, she pay attention to her surroundings. but she’s not a snitch. she most like did confront robert about it after she put the pieces together but robert was most likely still distraught after being thrown aside by joseph and she couldn’t help but feel bad for him. mary’s an extremely compassionate woman, i dont feel like after getting a full explanation from robert that she’d hate him.

she knows because she figured out on her own, assumed robert was the one who seduced joseph only to find out that joseph did the same thing to robert he did to the main dad; got close, told you that his marriage was over, slept with you, and turned around after not talking to you for a long time and saying that he and mary were gonna work things out.

mary resents joseph for not telling her what he did with robert, even after being aware that she knows what he’s doing and being aware of his lies, pretending that he’s only being nice and happy around mc dad just to get them into bed with him.

the way he acts really does take a toll on her and her coping mechanism is to drink and flirt with other men. it’s 100% not healthy and not something she should be doing to herself but its the only way she knows how to keep her marriage and really theyre only staying together for the sake of their kids. they’re all still extremely young, one being autistic as well. it’d be way too much on all four of them to divorce just out of the blue, especially when the children clearly love their parents very much even if we dont see mary interacting with he children in the story.

while joseph is off doing all his dates and organizing church stuff she’s most likely with the children. she doesn’t seem like the type to just avoid her parental duties when she knows her husband isnt going to be around. if she knows joseph is going to be home she’ll go and volunteer at the animal shelter, go hang out with robert, or just drink alone. she wants to detach herself from the world and try to keep her mind off of josephs infidelity.

keep in mind in the cult ending dialogue she does say “you ruined my life” we could piece that together with joseph just being a demon and forcing mary into the cult, but it can only tie to where her drinking problem comes in with joseph being the cause for her addiction. she’s fully aware that she shouldn’t be drinking as much as she is, but she’s become dependent on it since she cant leave joseph.

mary has her faults absolutely but to demonize her completely just from your first impressions of her isn’t fair. we get the first impression that joseph is a kind man who will bake with you and bring you cookies, but if we pull back a few layers, we can start to see something sinister in that pink polo shirt just like we can find a kindhearted but hurt woman when we look into mary’s wine glass.

mary definitely loves joseph, she most likely met him when he was still a sailor and they got together at a young age, she probably got pregnant which forced them to get married, lost the child in some way which started her drinking problem and then her husband started being unfaithful before they even had their first child. val is at least in her mid to late twenties, robert lost his wife around when she was getting ready to go to college, so if robert was josephs first offense (which i really dont feel like it is), joseph has been doing this for a very long time when you think about their childrens ages.

all in all please dont hate mary, she has been through a lot you dont have to agree with her coping mechanism but you also shouldn’t throw her under the bus for her self-destructive behavior.