donna trying to keep everything together

Darvey is NOT one sided.  Let me tell you why...

First of all, I just want to say that this post is not a post to bash\talk shit about other ships.
I just want to say that I’m really tired of reading stuff like “Darvey is one sided”"Donna loves Harvey but he doesn’t love her""Harvey loves Scottie""They’re just friends".
Harvey is a mess. We all know that. And I know that 5x13 kinda confused people about his real feelings, but I really can’t understand why people say that Darvey is one sided.
He’s not in touch with his feelings and that’s a fact but you know what else is a fact? The fact that the whole mess between Donna and Harvey happened NOT because he didn’t want her on that couch but because he did. That’s why Donna left. Because she felt in her heart that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. DONNA LEFT BECAUSE OF THAT, NOT BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT HER. That couch confused things between these two people. They met. They were attracted to each other. They slept together. And then Harvey bailed out. And not because he didn’t want Donna, but because work was important for him. He knew that a relationship would’ve ruined his relationship with Donna and he realized that having her at work was better than having a relationship. He realized that he needed her in his life. This is who he is. And it has a lot to do with his emotional block (s5 anyone?) So he asked her to work for him.. And she agreed cause she knew he wasn’t ready (fact!!! -> Donna admitted that she “would’ve wanted to try but he wasn’t ready”).
They spent 12 years putting each other first, be in each other life, and be okay with it. I really don’t think they spent 12 years thinking about the other “that way”. Having the other was enough for the both of them.. They buried their “attraction” when they decided to work together at the firm. They had 12 years of friendship (and ambiguity).
Then Intent (4x15) happened.
Harvey literally did everything in his power to keep her safe, and I know, he would’ve done it for everyone, including Mike.. But he even admitted that she’s different. She is different for him. It’s not about work… and after the mess was over and they were at her place, he was comfortable and relaxed. She didn’t ask him anything. He was vulnerable because he was afraid of losing her.. And he said a bunch of stuff like “Anyone else ever loses faith in me it doesn’t matter, but with you it’s different”. No one asked him to open up, he didn’t have to. He wanted to. He wanted to tell her that he’s always gonna be there for her. And it was natural for him to say those things because that’s what he was feeling…  and that moment changed everything. They looked at each other and they both felt something. That’s why it was confusing. That’s why he left. He knew something was about to happen, and he didn’t want to jump into that. Not because “he can’t look at her that way” but because he can.. and he does. And that’s scary. He has this emotional block and he can’t give her his 100%. He knows that Donna is Donna. He’s HIS person. He knows he’s damaged. He knows that he will hurt her eventually. That’s why he leaves. And I hate when people say that he only said “I love you” like a sister. That’s so funny. Because I don’t think his “I love you” was an “I’m in love with you”, I know that it wasn’t. I think it was more an “I love you too much to do this, to jump into this. You’re too important to me”. And that’s important to me, WAY MORE important than the “I want you in my life” that he said to Scottie…
At the end of s4 we had this incredible convo between Harvey and Donna and this scene is in my opinion THE scene that describes perfectly the Darvey situation.
She wanted to talk about it with him. He didn’t want to. Then she asked him about it, and when she asked why “nothing happened” he said “cause it would’ve been a mistake and you know it”. What do you think this line means? He basically ADMITTED that something was about to happen and that he didn’t want to, cause they would’ve regret it. But he ADMITTED that he WANTED HER on that couch. That’s a fact. That’s canon. And then Donna yelled at him “Obviously you can look at me that way but you don’t want to let those words collide cause you’re afraid of risking anything”.. and what did he say? He said “because we have everything.” He ADMITTED (once again) that he CAN look at her like that. He didn’t deny it. He just “explained” that he left cause they already have everything and that he’s not willing to risk that. And that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her.
She left him.. And when she did he lost it. And I KNOW it has A LOT do with his issues, he’s carrying these issues since he was a boy, but these issues only showed up when SHE LEFT, because she’s the most important and real thing that he has.
He dreamed about her naked in his bed, and once again, it was all about his issues, but did you see his smile when he sees her naked in his bed? That has NOTHING to do with his issues, that was just his subconscious saying “I KNOW I COULD BE HAPPY WITH DONNA”. And that’s why it was really hard for him to admit that it was Donna in the dream. Cause it was like admitting that he knows that he’s really missing out.
He loves her, and he loves her deeply. Way more than he realizes. She’s been his constant, his best friend, for 12 years. He trusts her, he would do ANYTHING for her, he would burn Rome to make her happy, he’s attracted to her, and their spark was there after TWELVE FREAKING YEARS and the show is only showing that the only reason why they’re not together is not because they love each other like brother and sister, but because they maybe love each other too much to risk that.
5b showed their relationship perfectly and the Scottie return showed perfectly why I would ALWAYS choose Donna\Harvey over Scottie\Harvey.
Donna came back to Harvey’s desk… Not because she’s over him, or because she forgot their complicated situation, but because he needed her. That’s DARVEY. That’s who they are. They love\trust\need each other NO MATTER their current situation. They never really talked about their complicated relationship, they’re in a limbo, and it doesn’t even matter.
Scottie was there in 5x13 ‘cause Mike asked her to help them. Not because Harvey went to her. When she left he didn’t MOVE a finger to get her back, and I get that he wasn’t in the place to fight for their relationship (because of his issues) but he kept living his life. And he talked to her only when she showed up, and he said those things about therapy cause she was there. He opened up to her because SHE WAS MAD (once again) with him. He was genuinely upset and sad cause she was mad at him. She’s important to him. She’s the closest thing that he has to a relationship. I saw that as a moment of growth for him.  Not as a declaration of love. And she left once again. She knew he needed help, and she left. Because that’s who they are. They don’t work, they don’t have what Darvey have. FAITH.
Donna and Harvey have what most couples don’t have. They trust and have faith in each other. That’s why Harvey went to Donna in the middle of the night in 5x15. That’s why he asked her for advice. He needed her. And it doesn’t mean that what they may feel is not there. He knows that things are different.. He said “I know you said i couldn’t do this anymore” but she said that in 5x02, they weren’t working together anymore, but they do now, and that only shows that THEY BOTH KNOW that even if she’s back at his desk things are different, unresolved feelings are there, and i love the fact that exactly ONE SEASON later they were both again at her place, but they did sit apart, far away from that couch that “ruined” their relationship.
FEELINGS ARE THERE. And I hate that people say that they’re “just” friends. Or that Darvey is “one sided”. What does that even mean? You have a person you LOVE, TRUST, WANT (they’re attracted to each other, they slept together, they admitted that they both wanted the other that night on the couch), you would burn the world to PROTECT this person, and when she’s not there you can’t breath, and she’s been there for you for 12 freaking years. No matter what. I don’t know about you but I would pay to have THAT person in my life. That’s love. That’s what love is supposed to be. Harvey is not ready to see that, because he has his issues, and maybe he’s not ready to be THAT man for her right now. But he will be. And I can’t wait.