I’m quiet in school because I’m tired of the bullshit. Every girl is vicious. Seriously, and fake. I know that they hate being called that but seriously. They all go around calling every person that they talk to their “best friend” and then they get into an argument over something so little and so stupid, and then say all this bad shit about each other. Then they apologize and say I’m sorry I was just mad, I love you bestie. Like no, you need to learn that when people say shit about you or too you, they mean every word that they say. If they didn’t mean it, then they wouldn’t say it, period. You don’t just go out and have fucking twitter fights or fight over a fucking boy. If you’re mature enough you wouldn’t do that shit. Mature people keep their shit to there selves and don’t fucking share their business with the world. If they are your “best friend” you wouldn’t be talking shit about them or start twitter fight over shit. That’s childish, and you need to learn when to let shit go, and that you can’t win every battle. You would talk about it to the person one on one, and work your shit out like mature adults and not go tweeting about them. They all talk behind each other’s backs and then are friends with them when they see them. Like if they do that to those other people, they certainly talk about you to others. I’ve learned to let shit go, because you can’t please everyone. Everyone has their own opinion and you should respect that. I’m a really chill person, I just am tired and fed up with everyone’s bullshit, and won’t put up with it. I’d rather have no friends than a shit ton of fake ones. I’m not going to pretend to like you and be friends with you, if I don’t like you, I’m not going to act like I do, period. I don’t put up with bullshit and what I’ve realized when I step back and just listen instead of always talking is that all these people talk about superficial stuff. They always want to be the center of attention, they always have a new boy every other week. All they ever talk about is boys and drama. It seems stereotypical, but when I just listen to what other people say, that’s all those girls talk about and it drives me insane. How do you talk about the same shit every fucking day. That is boring as shit. Talk about adventures and stuff that you want to do when you grow up. I cannot stand listening to how hot he is everyday. Like yes, boys are cute, but do you realize that all they want from you is sex, and it’s so obvious, I can’t even believe that you’re stupid enough to not see that. Nobody brings me happiness at school, because they all show their true colors and it’s mean, backstabbing bitch. I’m not going to pretend that I’m happy when I’m not. I never truly genuinely smile at school, except for when I’m with like Emma or Brandon, I can tell that they’re sweet and not rude bitches. And there is so many people now a days, trying to fit in and have as many friends as possible and be the most popular. Yeah that would be nice but what happens when you get left behind. When you try to fit in, you become invisible and are just like everyone else and that is boring. Live life weird and be yourself. People will judge anyway so why not be yourself and stop trying to fit in with the crowd when you can stand out and be unique and beautiful. I’m not going to pretend to be someone just so that I can be accepted in someone’s clique. And I’m certainly not going to pretend to be happy when I’m not. I’ve been done with everyone’s bullshit for a long time now. They all think I’m mean, that’s because I don’t smile at school. Try getting to know me because when I’m with people outside of school I make them laugh so hard and I’m genuinely happy, and really chill. I don’t understand how some people are always so jumpy and shit, like you gotta calm down, I chill A LOT, and don’t really like going out all the time and always having to do something. That’s me.
I’m sick of this quasi recovery. It’s been so so good to me. I’ve gotten to experience life again! But I can’t live like this forever where my body is just minimally healthy and I still use behaviors/have ed thoughts 80% of the time. It’s just no way to live which is why I’m increasing TODAY!
I’m done with being half recovered and pretending that everything is going great when it’s not. As scary as it will be, I need to do this. 2000-2500 cals here I come