done by:

so i was explaining to me GF about the time everyone throught Batman had died but really he was just time traveling (no idea how we got on the subject) and he became a caveman and a pirate and  cowboy and a witch hunter 

(no witches were actually hunted by him he disproved the existence of witchcraft usign SCIENCE!! but then it turns out oops his gf really WAS a witch PLOT TWIST and he was unable to stop his ancestor from hanging her at which point she put a curse on his ancestors entire family- UNAWARE HER BOYFRIEND WAS ALSO PART OF SAID FAMILY!!! oooOOOPS.) 

(NO IDEA WHAT THE CURSE WAS since i dunno if i read that one but i’m just gonna pretend it was like super specific like “i curse one of your descendants to have his parents gunned down in an alleyway some year when the 1930s aesthetic is big”)

and i couldn’t remember how it ended so i looked up the wikipedia summary and was breathless with laughter for ten minutes

the comatose Bruce experiences one final vision [one vision urges him to embrace the futility of life, with another vision] urging him to dispel Darkseid [the villain] by facing “the first truth of Batman”. Bruce recalls the night he first conceived of the identity of Batman,when Alfred Pennyworth saved his life by suturing fatal wounds, and speaks the truth: as much as he has attempted to claim it all during his crime-fighting career, the Batman has never been alone

i just

BRUCE NEEDED TO GO ON A CRAZY TIME TRAVEL ADVENTURE WHERE HE BECAME A PIRATE A COWBOY A WITCH HUNTER AND CAVEMAN BEFORE ARRIVING AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND BEING POSSESSED BY ENERGY THAT WILL END THE WORLD UNLESS HE DIES AND THEN HAVE THE JUSTICE LEAGUE PUT HIM IN A MEDICALLY INDUCED DEATH STATE….

to realize “Batman is not alone”

he could not learn that valuable lesson by looking around one day and noticing the 20 orphans he’s adopted and his father figure hovering at his shoulder and the fact he has Superman and Wonder Woman ON SPEED DIAL and they both keep texting him grumpy cat pics with the caption “look its u”.

no he needed to do some fucking time hopping bullshit to somehow realize that, a lesson he has already learned at least 1000000 times in various other ways

IM SO DONE EVERY TIME I GO BACK AND READ SUMMARIES OF COMICS THEY’RE EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS THAN I REMEMBERED