don't tell my ex. i'm sure this is something he always wanted

anonymous asked:

Zen and Jumin having a little sister who is depressed and have anxiety but hides it behind her smiles, jokes and corny puns. I'm sorry if this disturbs you, I'm just really having a bad life. You don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable with it. Thank you.

Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry it took so long for me to answer you, I was just following the order of the requests, I hope you’re feeling better by now. If you feel like it, come by and talk to me a little, okay? I really want to know if you’re feeling better…

I also wish I had something better for your request, but that’s all I could think of.

(I’m not sure if it is necessary, but):

TW: Mentionings of depression and anxiety


Zen

  • It’s been a while since they haven’t seen each other, things been weird ever since he left to pursue his acting career
  • She missed him more than she though she would. Most of the time they were fighting, anyway.
  • But as soon as she saw him, she couldn’t hold back this huge smile and all those bad puns about his hair turning grey at such a young age
  • He smiled softly, yeah, he missed this, he missed the teasing, he missed all the good and bad things only her sister could pull it off
  • He seemed fine! Great, actually… he talked about the roles he was managing to get, and with so much enthusiasm!
  • “Yeah, I could use some of your joy now, bro.” you said, more to yourself than to him, but he listened.
  • “Okay, what did mom do right now?”he let out a deep sigh and asked.
  • “Nothing! I swear, it’s just… it’s hard, you know? Having this illness and people don’t really seeing as a disease… I’m kinda of done right now, I guess.”
  • “I see… well, you know I’m not a therapist, so I don’t really know what to tell you…” “Just you not saying that I should just smile and try not to feel sad is really useful, bro, believe me.”
  • “Well, I do. I… always believe in you, sis, even when you don’t believe in yourself, you know? And… I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distant, but you know I’ll always be there for you, right?” “Yeah, I know…” she rests her head on his shoulder briefly.
  • “And, you know, if things get too tough, you can always move in with me!”. She scoffed: “We as roomies? That would never work, Hyun!”
  • “Why not?” “Because you would freak out everytime I brought someone to stay over. What would be our code? A tie in the knob?”
  • “I… don’t think we should be discusing this. And you should never bring a man to your place!” “So I should go to his place?”
  • “NO! THAT’S EVEN WORSE! Just… focus on your studies for now, okay? You’re smart, just finish. When you do, I’ll help you get a decent job. We’ve got each other’s backs, don’t we?” “Yes, of couse we do!”
  • “Good, so stop talking about men and focus on your studies.” “That coming from school dropout himself…”
  • “Well, I’m not as smart as you. But don’t waste your talent! You probably disagree with me, but you’re smart, talented, amazing and will make through everything, I swear.”
  • “Okay, granie, I’ll… I’ll consider evrything you said… and YOU! Don’t get away of my sight like this again, okay?”
  • He didn’t answer her, at least not with words, he just hugged her tightly. Well, that was the right answer after all.

Jumin

  • They’re half brother and sister. She is the daughter of some of his father’s ex wife
  • Not that it matters, because somehow he always found himself… liking you and… caring for her, like he generally never cared or liked any of his stepmothers.
  • Maybe because she’s nothing like her mother? Or just because she was the only one who doesn’t bother him with annoying questions about girlfriends and such?
  • Even with her weird sense of humor and all, he always felt a little more comfortable around her than with the rest of the world. Even when his father and her mother weren’t together anymore.
  • It’s been a while since they don’t see each other, she was tudying abroad and got back recently. Okay, not really an excuse hen you have Skype or FaceTime, but still… they both have been busy, let’s put it that way.
  • “So, are you really in line for being CEO?” “I suppose is a little early to discus this, my father is very healthy and he probably will stay as CEO for a few more years… what about you? Preparing yourself to take over your family business?”
  • She let out a sigh: “Don’t even get me started on this, bro. I… forget it.” “Go ahead, tell me.”
  • “I… I wasn’t studying abroad. I… I was at this clinic…” he doesn’r really understand how this answers his previous question. “Clinic?”
  • “It was a mental insitution, I… have been struggling again…” oh, now he gets it, yes, he remembers their brief conversations about depression and anxiety, how she was scared of starting to take those meds…
  • “Are you feeling better now?” “That’s a very relative and subjective question. It’s not like you to make this kind of question…”
  • “Yes, I appologize…” “Don’t be so formal, bro. I was just messing with you. But… to answer you, I… it’s a journey, you know what I mean? Some days I feel like I’m at the top of the world, ready to conquer and divide, but there are those other days… and I just… want to disappear, forever, if possible.”
  • “Make sure to contact me when these days come, then. I’m… not good at comforting and I don’t think I can possibly relate to your problems, but you can come here and just… vent. Walk in my garden, pet Elizabeth the 3rd.” You scoff “I read somewhere animals are a great therapy, please consider my offer. She won’t judge you, and if you’re wondering, neither will I.”
  • If she wasn’t paying fully attention on this, she would never notice how kind his words were, because his tone was so stoic and monotone, but he has always been like this: kind in a unnusual way.
  • “Actually, maybe we can manage to help each other. I… I may be in need for some advice from a… female perspective.” ohohoho, was Jumin Han in love? She wanted to tease him, but nah, she would never do this, she knew how uncomfortable this was for him.
  • “Sure, anything you need. We’ve got each other’s back. ” she patted his hand quickly and smiled.
  • “Yes, we always had.” he tried to pat her shoulder, but this felt out of place for both of them.
  • Actually, she was always more comfotable knowing she could always count on his reliable words, this was more important than hugs and pats.
On a date to the movies...
  • Aries: Watches the movie, but when you let your guard down, attacks you with some new type of sexual shit multiple times and acts like they didn't do anything; total sweethearts though, that will embarrass the hell out of you, be prepared or skips the movie and take you some where dangerous but cool as hell because they go on adventures like that and end the date with some home-made smoothies at their house because your still breathing hard and they are worried
  • Taurus: Paid for the food as you paid for the tickets, eating the snacks they bought or snuck in via bra, hat or pants (get creative) , but always feeds some to you without taking their eyes off the screen unless they see you waste the food they just bought for you-- bitch you better eat the rest of that fucking cinnamon roll
  • Gemini: Low-key flirting with you, pats your thigh a lot or plays with your hand; discusses with you when to take bathroom breaks and who would keep track of the story-line in the movie OR discusses the movie with you as they slowly take some of your nachos and eat the shit in your face-- be careful when staring at them, look at their lips more than twice, your gonna get it after they make you laugh your way into some nicely formed abs
  • Cancer: Keeps looking at you from the corner of their eye, you both share the drink with two different straws, but get confused on who's is who's, end up having an indirect kiss which causes this cutie to blush... or cuss you the fuck out, there is no in-between, btw you might watch some movie on Netflix (Minions) afterwards at their house that came out last month or something because they have been wanting to watch it and they get what the fuck they want, now cuddle them hoe
  • Leo: Wore a more relaxed outfit today and is more chill about things; tells you jokes from stand-ups they have watched and at the end of the night makes you spit out your soda, helps clean you up but ends up kissing you and we all know where that leads to... Yeah that's right- WALMART because they wanna play with some toys cause Walmart stays open and they don't want to go home yet
  • Virgo: Trying their best to not freak out on sitting near by another couple who is making out pretty roughly, smiles a lot when you nudge them at certain scenes (wink wink or nah); low-key wished they could go back to working but realizes that is was worth throwing away their schedule for you and... is low-key thinking about sexing you tonight... like, their mind is just filled with thoughts of THAT BODY and all the ways they can make you scream-- I'm not joking. Bring a condom. (Be safe kids. D:)
  • Libra: Just so many shy smiles, happy smiles, careful smiles and flirty smiles-- don't know how else to explain it besides the saying: "When your happy, I'm happy."; or just really happy to be out of the house and doing something with one of their favorite people (your not the only one, shhh, it's okay, your still special) plus, if the mood calls for it, will talk with you about some deep shit and make you realize... what the fuck is Goofy on? Like dude, spill your secretsssssss-- Who has the hook up? Is it Pluto? That dude is never there like, bruh. Is he selling drugs to other Disney characters? No wonder everything looks so lit
  • Scorpio: Will keep trying to hold your hand, just stares at you-- probably the type to take you to a movie that they truly recommend, not just some trend; at the end of the night will make sure you go home with a smile or ... make-out with you passionately somewhere breathtaking only they and their exs know about and its all planned out and shit. Then surprise you with that good-good and you end up in bed with them in the morning, realizing that you have been de-flowered and you loved every moment of it as they kiss you on the head and mutter the words "Now get the fuck out." (NO CHILL)
  • Sagittarius: Will tease the hell out of you the whole entire time, don't take offence though, they just don't know how else to communicate how much they l- l- lo- like that boootah-- just kidding, but they will make jokes like this to make awkward situations more awkward just for the hell of it; you laughing at their jokes makes their heart grow-two-sizes-more or some corny bullshit like that
  • Capricorn: Honestly, like, the hell man? These Caps are true gentlemen/polite ladies because they will honestly... make sure your night goes out with some weird shit; Now-- Be warned, they are crazy when hyped off of sugar and shit, but its cute, so it's okay
  • Aquarius: Get ready to learn a lot of shit, they are about to drop some mad fire of knowledge on your ass, all while taking you to the park after the movies and walk around that shit for while till they see the moon rising and wink at the sky because their alien comrades are watching you guys like some fucking movie-- they are shipping you guys HARD; Oh! Will also tell you stripping is not as bad as it seems, and that you should try it out, they will visit and give you some feedback
  • Pisces: NOW, us Pisces will treat you to some cool shit and pay to watch a movie and then movie hop the shit out of that theater because we aren't gonna pay fucking $16.50 to see some bs movie we can see on YouTube 3 months later-- Buuuuuut don't get mistaken, we will take you on the ride of your life afterwards ;).............. Street racing, get your mind out of the gutter and put on your seat belt and look safe, the cops are lurking
  • (First time trying this, like it or not, not my fault. Just how I view the signs. WATER SQUAD. SQUAD SQUAD SQUAD. Alright, bye.)
flatsound sentence starters
  • "Tonight I walked through a field that used to scare me more than I scared myself."
  • "I wish I had known you then."
  • "It was never death that interested me; it was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere but here."
  • "I’m sorry you thought this couldn’t work, because I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life than to prove that it could."
  • "You were not my world, you were my universe."
  • "And I wonder if that’s what it feels like to die."
  • "Why do I wait, wondering how long it’ll take you to admit it?"
  • "I’d rather keep my mouth shut then start to say what I can’t finish."
  • "I sit here wondering if anything you said was true."
  • "We both noticed something had changed."
  • "I called you up again today and you didn't pick up."
  • "I didn't expect it to happen this quickly, you know?"
  • "I sit here and I worry about myself so much."
  • "I wanted you to care, I wanted you to be nosy, I wanted you to be there."
  • "I know it's stupid of me to say that you don't care, I mean, of course you do, but I want you to care so much more."
  • "I can't be around all these people who all my life have tried to change me."
  • "I can't hide who I am."
  • "I will be happy for the first time in my whole life."
  • "It makes me feel good, makes me feel pretty."
  • "I will go to sleep; just know you’ll be in my dreams."
  • "If I cry, it won’t be because of you."
  • "You don’t have to wait or pretend that he’s just your friend."
  • "It scares me more than I'd like to admit."
  • "My only problem lately is I've got too much time so all I'm left with is that what's on my mind."
  • "I left out everyone and all I have at the end of the day is that what's on my mind."
  • "Say I came back today, would I have a spot in your heart?"
  • "I cheated with your ex best friend."
  • "You can't stand in my doorway for long."
  • "It's eleven o'clock, he's expecting you home."
  • "I'll walk you up the hill to your car."
  • "No, don't let go, don't let this die."
  • "I just need to know what I did to ruin this and turn your body cold."
  • "If you walk through that door there will be no us."
  • "I thought you were being distant."
  • "I did not mean to make this the worst night of your life."
  • "I need you to know what happened."
  • "I saw you walking by, you didn't say hi, you didn't even smile."
  • "You're not the only one who's feeling anxious toward the bullshit that's attached to growin' up."
  • "You said things would stay the same; well, have they?"
  • "I know you're scared, but you'll never get better if you keep running away."
  • "Sometimes you need to be self centered to understand yourself better."
  • "I'm not in the mood to stick around."
  • "Every day I think about you and why you had to turn into my enemy, when all I need's my friend."
  • "Look at me and see how much I've changed since you left."
  • "Well, is this what you wanted, for me to admit that this fucking hurts?"
  • "I was never good at talking smoothly."
  • "Now I don't remember how you speak; I mean, it comes to me in dreams, but by morning, I lose everything you ever said."
  • "I'm not perfect, I think I'm quite the opposite, I'm nothing to adore."
  • "Perfection is opinion and nothing more."
  • "I'll be here waiting when your plane lands."
  • "Hi, my name is none of your concern."
  • "I like the way you make me feel at home."
  • "It wasn’t a mistake - so please dont think it was."
  • "I didn’t have a lot to drink, I just needed a bit for confidence."
  • "They won't find out, no one cares enough about it to run their mouths."
  • "Just please, when you’re ready to go, try not to make it so painful."
  • "Will you write another sad, sad song?"
  • "It's obnoxious and it's useless to fight a war you're losing."
  • "This might be your only chance."
  • "Is it you who calls the shots?"
  • "I don't know why they're choosing to confide in someone who will talk about anything."
  • "There are people who miss me and I don't know why they're investing all their time into someone with my history."
  • "Why did you say that I was one in a million? Because I believed it."
  • "I thought I had something that you were too scared to lose."
  • "I also saw how often you say goodbye."
  • "Things were never supposed to be this good."
  • "Nothing I can say now would justify a thing, just know I'm sorry."
  • "I just wanted to say I hope you're okay."
  • "You're already hurt, I'm scared that if you put your trust in me, I'll make it worse."
  • "You're still so young, you have room to grow into something amazing."
  • "You won't remember who I am."
  • "I can't live with the chance that this feeling's ever coming back."
  • "I don't hate you, but honey, this still hurts."
  • "I'm not dumb, I know everything."
  • "That liquid he consumes makes him speak the truth."
  • "Look at me, because I exist."
  • "It's a shame that we're not soulmates because if I didn't know better, I'd say this feels pretty good."
  • "You've been gone for too long, why'd you go?"
  • "Is this what you think it means to be responsible?"
  • "I went to class, you didn't show up."
  • "I thought we said that we'd keep in touch."
  • "So live up to the name you’ve been making for yourself."
  • "Last night you had that dream again, the one where you try and run from your fears but you can’t because you’re wearing fabulous stilettos."
  • "If I were the sun, I'd shine my light on you and leave the people that hurt you cold."
  • "We’re fighting again, more than usual."
  • "I’m sorry about being me."
  • "I'll sleep on the couch."
  • "Bring me a cat to be my best friend."
  • "It isn’t like you ever said that you were committed to the thought of me and only me."
  • "I can’t believe I spent all morning trying to tell you I’m sorry about yesterday."
  • "You smell like the devil but you feel like the lord."
  • "I didn’t dodge all your bullets, I just denied that they hit me."
  • "If I told you I loved you would you reach out and touch me?"
  • "I wish we had just gone to bed."
  • "This could have worked."
  • "The best part of that whole song was skipping ahead to Nicki Minaj."
  • "I will not make the same mistake twice."
  • "I know you never really liked people, I didn't mean to make that worse."
  • "I still know the roads that take me to your street."
  • "I know I promised that we'd talk more it's just, I'm surprised you even want to talk at all."
  • "I'm so scared that you still think I'm the one who gave up."
  • "The plans we made were never mistakes, they just didn't work for us."
  • "You always knew the deal that we made and what this was worth."
  • "I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for."
  • "I keep checking my phone to see you haven’t called at all."
  • "I thought I was the best part of your life, now I’m pretty sure that I was wrong."
  • "You’re impossible to read so if you love me, come clean."
  • "I’ll refer to you as my special love, the one that set me free."
  • "I’m feeling lost in towns that were my home."
  • "It's my own body, I did what I wanted."
  • "It’s not that I don’t have words to say, I just don’t want to be the one that speaks them."
  • "Your only flaw is that you’re flawless.”
  • "I’m so full of shit, I’m surprised you bought it."
  • "Well congratulations, I didn’t know you two had made things so official."
  • "Don’t call me when it fizzles; in fact, don’t call me at all."
  • "What a beautiful sight to see you alive."
  • "I can't hold you responsible anymore."
  • "I'm lost now in the thrill of it."
  • "I just want to lay in bed with you."
  • "I'll throw everything I have into the flames just to make it last."
  • "There are reasons that I can't stay."
  • "I built my life around watching everything you do."
  • "I wonder if you're having fun."
  • "You said you were done; well, how done?"
  • "I want to believe that I really don't need him."
  • "I can't wait until I see your face and my brain feels nothing."
  • "I would never want you to stop your life."
  • "You were always a shitty friend."
The One in Which He’s Alive // l.h.

(mobile) masterlist

word count: 2.7k+

summary: it’s in the pouring rain and at two in the morning that suddenly, luke hemmings stands on your doorstep—soaked—to tell you how much he doesn’t miss you.


His hair, his clothes—literally his everything is soaked to the core, as he turns around under the pouring rain and climbs the steps towards your parents’ patio, where he is at least a little more protected from the wetness of the storm. Before you even get one word out, he begins to talk. And he talks. And talks. About how much he doesn’t miss you. How great he is. How much he loves life right now. “I ain’t missing you,” he shouts over the downpour and thunder. “I’ve spent the last months actually living! I feel like I have an actual life again,” he says, throwing his hands out, like he couldn’t keep the excitement in him. He looks at you and grins. The corners of his mouth raise quicker than the lightning that’s bound to come again any second now, and it splits his face in two so violently, you fear it’s going to rip.

“Okay…” you tell him quietly with a raised eyebrow, because you don’t know what else to say to a guy professing his non-existent feelings to you, when just a couple of months prior, you’d been in this exact situation, though then it was him, spending every second trying to convince you how much he loves you.

“Seriously,” Luke says. “I’m so perfect. I don’t miss you at all. Everything’s fine.”

“Luke—”

“I don’t want you and I don’t need you anymore.”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you shift your weight onto your other foot and lean against the doorframe. “Luke, why are you here? And why are you telling me this at two in the morning?”

He grins again. “Because I thought about you. Because I’m always thinking about you.” His grin falls for a nanosecond. “But I’m over you. I promise I am. I mean, I’m so alive, baby. You should feel what I feel.” He lifts his hands again, but this time he grips the doorframe with them—which you’re leaning against. His face comes near you, and for a second you think he’s about to kiss you, causing you to back away. You aren’t sure, if the small flinch you see is real or not, but he doesn’t give you a chance to analyse, as he begins to talk again. “Literally every feeling I feel is suddenly enhanced by a hundred. They’re so intense, it still knocks the breath out of me, even after months.”

You don’t answer but rather take in his wet appearance. Sure, there is a cocky grin sitting on his face and there isn’t any alcohol-stench coming from his breath, but still, you feel like he isn’t himself right now. “What’s going on, Luke?” you ask, trying to gently coerce an answer out of him.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he says immediately, the grin coming back to life.

“You can’t just come here and tell me how fine you are and how much you don’t need me and expect me to believe you are fine. No normal person does this.” Sighing, you uncross your arms, doing something you wouldn’t have thought you’d do, ever again. “Look, if you want, you can come in. I can get you a towel or something and we can talk properly.”

Tonight is just full of surprises, because suddenly, he begins to shake his head no and whines like an actual four-year-old—with an actual voice that’s higher than normal. “No, I don’t want to come in,” he says—or rather moans. “I just wanted to say those things I’ve said and now I’m leaving.”

Rushing to grab hold of his arm before he steps off your patio, you shake your head at him again, though he cannot see that as he has his back turned towards you. “Hold on for a sec, Luke,” you say. “Please.”

Facing you again, he looks at you with an expectant expression. A moment of silence later, he raises an impatient eyebrow.

“It’s just—Just because we aren’t together anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.” And that is the truth. Luke has been such a large part of your life, it is physically impossible to stop caring about him from one sudden moment to another.

This time his eyebrow doesn’t raise in impatience, but rather hurt, it seems. “Yeah…um—thanks, I guess. But I really have to get going.”

You tug at his arm again, getting impatient yourself. “Oh, for God’s sake, just come inside for a minute. You’ll get sick wandering around, dripping as you are.”

It takes you another full minute of pulling at his arm to get him moving, though at last, he steps foot inside the house where it all ended.

///

Do you feel it? My love for you? I don’t, really. Because loving you has become a part of me and my soul—like I was put here on the sole purpose of loving you. I was so used to this feeling that having it ripped away from me felt like ice cold and hot water thrown in my face at the same time. It felt like someone was trying to rip me to shreds from the inside—particularly from my heart.

///

“Here is a towel, and here a change of clothes.” You hand him the pieces of fabrics. “They’re my dad’s, but you two are similar sizes of giant, so I think it’ll fit.” Like you hoped, this raises a genuine smile to his lips, as he takes the clothes and the towel from you, nodding in appreciation.

“I’ll return them to you…someday,” he says, smiling sheepishly. Luke has a reputation of keeping borrowed things, but it doesn’t really matter anyways.

“Don’t worry about it, honestly. Now go change, I don’t want you staining our furniture,” you tell him, before turning around and walking towards the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna fix us some hot chocolate, of course. I sure hope you didn’t have seafood before this.” You grin at him.

///

“You’re gonna make us hot chocolate? Now?” You ask, laughing.

“Why not?” Luke asks, pulling the mugs out of the cupboard.

Jumping onto the counter, you cross your legs and roll your eyes at him as he places the mugs next to your thighs. “Uh, because we just had sea food! You’re gonna throw up.”

Me? If I have to go through this, then so do you!” he exclaims, laughing, nudging your knee with his hips.

“Excuse me?” You push him away, giggling. “I’m not an idiot! I know the outcome of this equation—I will not drink the hot chocolate!”

Luke ignores you, prepping the two drinks. Then he places one mug beside your thigh. His eyes hold a glint as he smirks. “Oh you will.”

“Not in a million years, Hemmings,” you say, laughing and jumping off the counter. “Why would I?”

Leaving his own mug beside yours, he comes at you slowly—the playful and somewhat also devilish glint still in his eyes. “Because if you do…I’m gonna promise you amazing sex tonight. Sex so amazing, you will never be the same. I’m telling you, babe.”

A snort bursts from your throat as you bend over and cannot contain the laughter in you. “You’re gonna bribe me with sex?” you ask, giving his chest a slap. But you don’t pull your hand away. Instead, you let it wander towards the crook of his neck up to the sides of his face and then you pull him down to you, so you can whisper something in his ear. “Babe. If I wanted, I could just tie you up and give myself the most ah-may-zing sex. I’m an independent ass bitch.”

All of the sudden, his arms are wound tightly around your waists, and your feet aren’t on the ground anymore. Your legs wrap around his hips automatically, as do your arms around his neck. Kisses are being trailed down your throat, as Luke walks you two out of the kitchen. “What about our hot chocolate, huh?” you ask, grinning.

“What hot chocolate?” He smiles at you sweetly, and then captures your mouth with his.

///

Awkward air engulfs you two, as you’re sitting side by side on the small couch, each one blowing at the hot chocolate, trying to quicken its cooling process—or maybe you were just avoiding the person sitting beside you, but who knows?

“Are you alright?” you begin, as you cannot take this god-damn silence any longer. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He lowers the mug slightly, smiling at you. “Like I said, I’m perfectly fine. Everything’s good.” He raises the hot chocolate to his lips and takes a rushed sip. “Fuck,” Luke curses, “that’s hot.”

Cocking your head to the side, you watch him lower the mug and stand up. “I’m just gonna…get myself a glass of water,” he says, pointing to your kitchen and wandering off without waiting for your reply.

Something is definitely wrong with him, you decide. The way he’s acting confuses you. Who the hell visits his ex-girlfriend just to tell her how fine he is? He’s somehow giddy and restless and exhausted at the same time, like he’s on edge. Like he cannot contain whatever’s going on inside him. The shadows underneath his eyes and the scruff on his jaw tells you he hasn’t slept well in a long time, but then again, he never slept long nor well. Luke’s always been a restless person—always working on something in his head or with his guitar. Sometimes he’d wake up in the middle of the night and have to write or else he’d forget the lyrics that sprung onto him in his dream. You loved being woken by a sleepy Luke and his guitar, though. You loved lying in the dark, listening to his raspy voice singing quiet words you knew were meant for you.

Somehow, you know that nowadays he doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night to write love songs about you anymore.

///

You once said, to be hurt means to be alive. For we cannot feel the hurt, if we aren’t alive and living and putting ourselves out there to be hurt. Well, I’ve spent the last months living. I was hurt. Or rather I am hurt. Everything hurts. Therefore I am, in fact, probably the most alive motherfucker on this planet right now, because it HURTS. What, you might ask? Not having you, is the answer. I love you. With every ounce of my being, with every beat of my heart and every breath I take, I entirely, fully and unconditionally love you.

///

“Please stay the night? It’s four in the morning and the storm doesn’t look like it’s about to pass anytime soon. You can take the guest room,” you say, wringing your hands in front of you. “It’s really no problem, and I’d feel a whole lot better, knowing you aren’t walking home right now.”

There’s another storm, and it’s in his eyes. He’s looking at the wall to your right, debating. You aren’t sure why it is such a hard decision for him to make, but you pray for him to stay. You will never forgive yourself, if he walks away now.

The seconds tick away, and finally, he nods once. “Okay,” he says, throwing you a shy smile. It surprises you, how after everything you two have already been through, he still has his shy moments. But this is just how Luke is, and you love this silent part about him.

Reaching your hand out, you wait for him to give you his mug, though, instead, he stands up as well. “I got it,” he says. “It’s the least I can do.”

///

Even to death, one might say.

///

She hands you the letter with her eyes lowered so you won’t see the tears in her eyes, but you do anyways. You’ve never seen her cry before. She’s someone you cannot even imagine how she’d look crying, because she is one of the happiest people you know, but now you do. You see the redness of the tender skin around and on her eyelids, the tremble of her lips and the crease between her eyebrows as she tries to hold the dam back. She looks smaller somehow. Like she doesn’t have enough energy to straighten her back. Like she is already focusing everything in her to keep herself from falling apart.

You don’t blame her. Rather you blame yourself.

Your hand comes up to wipe away a tear you haven’t noticed before. Between taking in her broken appearance and staring at the letter in her hand, you haven’t paid attention to your own body and emotions. Now that you reach for the letter, you notice the penetrating pain in your chest which keeps your lungs from working properly.

“Breathe, sweetheart,” Liz whispers softly. She presses the letter into your stomach, but instead of removing her hand after you clutch it with both of yours, she encloses it around your trembling ones and squeezes. One hand comes up to brush the hair from your face. It’s wet and sticky around your skin. “It wasn’t your fault,” she says firmly, her eyes a hard and genuine blue. Her palm stays against your cheek. You can feel her thumb soothingly wipe the continuous stream of tears away, as her own flows down her face.

And then she leans in and hugs you. Her arms come around your shoulders tightly, and she squeezes seemingly every emotion into you. And somehow she slowly squeezes yours out of you. And she rubs your back with one hand, shushing. She holds you, as both of you try to fix your hearts with this one hug.

///

Dear love,

You once said, to be hurt means to be alive. For we cannot feel the hurt, if we aren’t alive and living and putting ourselves out there to be hurt. Well, I’ve spent the last months living. I was hurt. Or rather I am hurt. Everything hurts. Therefore I am, in fact, probably the most alive motherfucker on this planet right now, because it HURTS. What, you might ask? Not having you, is the answer. I love you. With every ounce of my being, with every beat of my heart and every breath I take, I entirely, fully and unconditionally love you. Even to death, one might say.

Do you feel it? My love for you? I don’t, really. Because loving you has become a part of me and my soul—like I was put here on the sole purpose of loving you. I was so used to this feeling that having it ripped away from me felt like ice cold and hot water thrown in my face at the same time. It felt like someone was trying to rip me to shreds from the inside—particularly from my heart.

I was hurting before my heart was crushed—before you begin to think this was your fault. It wasn’t. This whole thing (us breaking up) started because of what I was going through. None of this is your fault. I never want you to feel that. I never wanted you to feel any of the hurt I felt, in fact, and I might burn in hell, if you are. I’m sorry, my love. I’m a selfish son of a bitch, and I couldn’t leave without seeing you for one last time. I cannot apologise enough.

Please forgive me.

Yours truly,
an angel (as of recently)

PS: That was me, trying to lighten the mood.

PPS: I love you.

PPPS: So so much.

///

“Call me, if you need anything, okay?” you tell him, helping him adjust the sweater of your father you’ve given him around his broad shoulders.

“Will do, love.” Your heart clenches at the nickname, but you solely smile. It feels good to hear it.

He looks at you with a look that causes your insides to churn and your legs to wobble. Then he leans down and presses a soft kiss to the space between your temple and forehead—something he does when he wants to kiss both at the same time, he once said. Turning on his heels, he quickly jumps down the steps of your front porch, leaving you to watch him walk away under the clear blue sky after a storm. It reminds you of the colour of his eyes.


a/n holy shit. i was—and still am—seriously debating whether or not i should put this online. the idea came to me after listening to missin’ you by the summer set for some unknown reason, as that song is not a sad song at all. i’m scared to put this out there, since it doesn’t have a happy ending. but then again, not all stories do. and i’m sure you know, this is purely fictional and i simply borrowed luke as a solely fictional character for a just as fictional story. 

as always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

much love. my inbox is open. always.

Mean Girls Starters
  • ❝If you're from Africa, why are you white?❞
  • ❝Oh my God, [name], you can't just ask people why they're white.❞
  • ❝Boo, you whore!❞
  • ❝Nice wig, [name]. What's it made of?❞
  • ❝Your Mom's chest hair!❞
  • ❝On Wednesdays we wear pink!❞
  • ❝Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining [name]'s life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.❞
  • ❝Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.❞
  • ❝You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!❞
  • ❝See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, [name], for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with [name], [name]? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.❞
  • ❝And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!❞
  • ❝That is so fetch!❞
  • ❝Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!❞
  • ❝God! I am so sorry [name]. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!❞
  • ❝[Name], I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.❞
  • ❝And none for [name], bye!❞
  • ❝Get in loser, we're going shopping.❞
  • ❝Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.❞
  • ❝I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...❞
  • ❝She doesn't even go here!❞
  • ❝Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?❞
  • ❝I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.❞
  • ❝I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.❞
  • ❝Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.❞
  • ❝One time she met John Stamos on a plane... And he told her she was pretty.❞
  • ❝One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.❞
  • ❝Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?❞
  • ❝Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.❞
  • ❝Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!❞
  • ❝[Name] had cracked.❞
  • ❝Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!❞
  • ❝Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!❞
  • ❝There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!❞
  • ❝I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.❞
  • ❝I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.❞
  • ❝Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?❞
  • ❝I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD [name] you're so stupid!❞
  • ❝It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.❞
  • ❝That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.❞
  • ❝She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.❞
  • ❝That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.❞
  • ❝She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.❞
  • ❝And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.❞
  • ❝Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!❞
  • ❝At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die.❞
  • ❝Is butter a carb?❞
  • ❝You can't sit with us!❞
  • ❝Fine! You can walk home, bitches.❞
  • ❝And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.❞
  • ❝My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.❞
  • ❝I love her. She's like a Martian!❞
  • ❝Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?❞
  • ❝She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?❞
  • ❝I like invented her, you know what I mean?❞
  • ❝I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.❞
  • ❝Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.❞
  • ❝Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.❞
  • ❝Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.❞
  • ❝Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!❞
  • ❝I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.❞
  • ❝Your face smells like peppermint!❞
  • ❝Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.❞
  • ❝You're a regulation hottie.❞
  • ❝We do not have a clique problem at this school.❞
  • ❝But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".❞
  • ❝I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!❞
  • ❝Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.❞
  • ❝I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!❞
  • ❝You smell like a baby prostitute.❞
  • ❝Is your muffin buttered?❞
  • ❝Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?❞
  • ❝Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.❞
  • ❝Finally, Girl World was at peace.❞
  • ❝Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.❞
  • ❝Damn, Africa, what happened?❞
  • ❝I saw [name] wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.❞
  • ❝Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?❞
  • ❝Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.❞
  • ❝Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.❞
  • ❝Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.❞
  • ❝Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?❞
  • ❝I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.❞
  • ❝I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.❞
  • ❝Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.❞
  • ❝Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?❞
  • ❝What are marijuana tablets?❞
  • ❝You cannot do that. That is social suicide. Damn! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.❞
  • ❝Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.❞
  • ❝Everyone in Africa knows Swedish.❞
  • ❝Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time!❞
  • ❝I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.❞
  • ❝Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!❞
  • ❝And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.❞
  • ❝She's not even that good looking if you really look at her.❞
  • ❝I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.❞
  • ❝Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through!❞
  • ❝I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.❞
  • ❝You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.❞
  • ❝There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it.❞
  • ❝Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.❞
  • ❝The limit does not exist!❞
  • ❝I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.❞
  • ❝It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.❞
  • ❝She's fabulous, but she's evil.❞
  • ❝So, are you gonna send any candy canes?❞
  • ❝No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.❞
  • ❝'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.❞
  • ❝Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.❞
  • ❝Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!❞
  • ❝Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute... Actual vomit.❞
  • ❝Grool... I meant to say cool and then I started to say great.❞
  • ❝I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?❞
  • ❝Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat.❞
  • ❝Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?❞
  • ❝Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.❞
  • ❝I mean no offense, but how could she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that.❞

anonymous asked:

Hey I don't know if you've already done this but could you pretty please rec some fics with infidelity between draco and harry, if you know any? I'm always a slut for angst and make up sex. :D

Infidelity isn’t something i read often, but i can rec,

Blueprints for a Dream by Frayach (24k)
Harry breaks Draco’s heart, but that doesn’t mean Draco’s going to let him go without a fight.

Better Left Dead by calrissian18 (6k)
A love story and a half.

Says the Magpie to the Morning (Sorrow Take Your Own Advice) by @femmequixotic (15k)
It’s terribly bad form, sleeping with your ex when you’re still half in love with the bastard.

Let’s Dance To Joy Division by @femmequixotic (12k)
Let the love tear us apart, I’ve found a cure for a broken heart…

A Broken but Happy Sound by thusspakekate (7k)
Sometimes we do terrible things for no reason. Other times, we have terrible reasons.

He Dreams in Monochrome by Furiosity (5k)
The line between love and possession is so vague that no one knows where it cuts deepest.

A Rose In the Garden by Kedavranox (3k)
Draco faces the consequences.

Unkissed Kisses and Songs Never Sung by @femmequixotic (12k)
I sit silently in the shadows, staring at the tiny, pulsing ball of light that tells me my Harry’s still alive.

There are also these with perceived infidelity, but it ends up not being true,

Packing the Flat by marguerite_26 (6k)
Months after their explosive break-up, Draco insists Harry return to their flat to remove his belongings.

Fall to Grace by cylsus (5k)
It’s been three weeks since Harry and Draco broke up. Clearly, they should want nothing to do with each other, but being Auror partners makes that just a tad bit difficult.

And I Know the Spark by Firethesound (15k)
All Draco cares about is keeping Potter alive, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

The Boy Next Door (part 1)


Rating: T

Pairing: Bellarke

Word Count: 2,021

Summary: They’d moved in next door when Clarke was only eight, and now at eighteen she considered Ms. Blake like a second mother, and Octavia like the sister she never had. There was also Bellamy, the pest she’d never wanted. Or at least he had been until everything started to change.

Notes: This turned out to be way longer than I intended for it to be. Shout out to oftheskyepeople for being my cheerleader and encouraging me to write this.

-

October 20, 3:00PM

Clarke walks up the steps to the Blake home and knocks rhythmically three times– a sign so that they knew it was her– before entering. She sees that it was pointless, because the house seems to be empty– Mrs. Blake must be at the shop still, and Bellamy probably picked up a double shift to help his mom out. She toes her shoes off with a sigh by the door and drops her bag down beside them, padding into the kitchen to get a glass of water as she waits for Octavia to get home.

Why the girl insists on taking the bus home when Clarke can drive her, she’ll never understand. It isn’t like Clarke hasn’t been coming here nearly every day after school since the fourth grade, so she doesn’t understand why Octavia refused to ride home with her. Or at least she pretends not to know that it’s because Jasper rides the same bus home every day, and Octavia had been crushing on him since Freshman year. Everyday she came home with a little grin as she told Clarke about what songs they’d listened to and what they’d talked about, and every day Clarke would ask why she hadn’t just asked him out already only to be met with the same frown each time.

“Part of the fun is in being chased,” Octavia would say, tapping her index finger against Clarke’s nose as though she was the eighteen year old, and Clarke was sixteen. “You’ve got to make them work for it, otherwise where’s the fun?”

Maybe Clarke should have taken those lessons more seriously, because then maybe she wouldn’t be stuck in her current predicament. She sighs again, leaning her elbows against the marble countertop and rubbing her temples as she thinks about the cause of all her problems; Finn Collins.

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anonymous asked:

Do you think its lame that I haven't been in a relationship or been kissed yet? I'm 22 and it's never happened to me. I've had crushes on guys before and it's nearly happened but then.... nothing. How do you suggest getting this over with (at least the kiss part, as I don't want to be in a relationship just to be in one). Thank you.

Hi there, first, thank  you for sharing this question!

So, I’ve talked about this before, I hadn’t kissed anyone until I was 19, and I wasn’t in a true “adult” relationship until I was 22. I was thinking about it today, the vast majority of my peers that I have met and known that are in fact married right now, or been married. Married. That means people in the 20-35 range that I know have decided that this single person is their person. Their forever person. To be honest, a lot of my peers starting having sex when they were 14-18 range.

That’s rather daunting. To know that people are so… ready.

My mother married a man when she was 21. She divorced him a short time later and being a single mother with my brother met my father. She was a bit younger than I am now. About to have a second child. Let’s not even talk about it, haha!

I am in no means prepared, ready or expecting to settle down with someone in the next 3 years. Hell, it’d be spectacular to meet someone ideally suited to my specific and eclectic attractions at this point. I want a partner. A person to lean on and a person who helps me be the best me. As I would want to do the same for them. One thing I have noticed with the majority of people ( not all mind you) is that 25 year old men aren’t looking to settle down completely, but on the other end I’ve dated men in their early to mid 30s for the past couple years, and it’s rough. They’ve established a lifestyle, a look, expectations, and they aren’t ready to budge. Twenty something women who know exactly who they are and what they want, are fascinating and terrifying, and sometimes too much work. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that people do a lot of growing in the 18-35 years. 

Kissing is really wonderful. When I first kissed someone I was terrified and excited, and it was with a guy who kind of took pity on me, a freshman in college. Not real pity, but he was more like an usher into the world of being comfortable and confident in my own identity and what i wanted and was willing to give in dating. 

I remember my first college date, this beautiful man I’d met at orientation asked me to go mini golfing. So, we went. I wore a pink skirt I’d stolen from my sister’s dorm the year before when I’d visited her in Ohio. It was a lovely date, and he never asked me out ( 4 years later he told me before we’d graduated that he always thought I was the nicest and prettiest) I wanted him to be my first kiss, but when we lingered outside my door he just didn’t go for it. 

My advice? Trust your gut, don’t expect fireworks, butterflies or a wild to whisk you up into the stars. A kiss sometimes is just a kiss. 

There will be kisses that blow you away, but as it happened with me, it may be your second or third kiss. As to get over it? Well, make the first move. 

I was 22 when I realized this empowering, gorgeous feeling that comes from being the one to initiate the kiss. If you want to kiss someone, tell them. If you like someone tell them. In your way. Sometimes I whisper it, I’ve been known to write it. I’ve been known to proclaim it. 

A good friend of my ex told me that the most wonderful thing once, that his, also subsequently my ex’s, friends thought was the greatest thing about me is is that I made sure everyone knew that I was there to hang but at the very same time being exclusive with M (my ex). 

I will never hesitate to be myself, but at the same time respect my partner. 

Never allow someone else’s chapter two, or six, or fifteen to be the model for your chapters. 

alright, so, what you need to know about this: it’s a the holiday AU, louis is cameron diaz, and this is the first scene.


It’s two days before Christmas, and Louis Tomlinson’s planner for the holidays has just been torn to shreds so effectively that the pages have become unreadable.

He’d been stupid, absolutely idiotic to think that he could have it his way for once, that he could have a nice family dinner with his almost-in-laws and his wonderfully smart and too-hot-for-him boyfriend. Apparently that’s what love does to you - it turns you into a naive idiot who refuses to believe what’s right in front of them.

Louis knows better, now.

“Lou?” Aiden’s voice hesitantly echoes from the threshold. Louis doesn’t turn around, refusing to look up as he stubbornly throws more clothes into the overnight bag he’d haphazardly tossed onto the bed earlier.

“Louis, babe, listen to me for a second, alright?”

“Get out.” 

Keep reading

#16: He meets your ex-boyfriend
  • Ashton: "Why do you like movies like that?" Ashton questioned, shuddering slightly as he thought about the hour and a half of demon possession you'd just made him sit through. "Oh come on, it wasn't that bad," you smirked, giggling when he wrapped an arm around your waist as you walked out of the theater. "Y/N?" a familiar voice asked from behind you. "Nathan? Oh my god, hi!" you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck to hug him. "I haven't seen you in a while, I hope everything's okay?" he asked, glancing back and noticing Ashton. "Oh, you must be Ashton. I've heard a lot of good things about you. I'll let you two go now, but it was really nice to see you again, Y/N. Nice meeting you, Ashton!" Nathan rushed out. You knew he probably had plans. "Is that your gay friend or something?" Ashton wondered, wrapping his arm around your waist again. "Ex-boyfriend," you answered. You felt his arm stiffen against your back. "Ex-boyfriend?" he repeated somewhat curtly. "Oh, don't be like that. We ended on good terms and he's engaged now anyways. You have nothing to worry about," you said, stopping and standing on your toes to press a kiss to his lips.
  • Calum: For your birthday, Calum made sure that he was able to come visit you. You two had spent the entire morning together and from how good things were going, it would probably be an all-day thing. As you stood in line at Starbucks, the door opened and you turned to see who came in. You snapped your head back around when you saw your ex-boyfriend. The two of you weren't the best of friends, but you didn't hate him either. The two of you ended on extremely awkward terms and weren't sure how to approach the other after you had broken up. Calum turned to see what had made you uncomfortable and snorted under his breath when he turned back around. He knew every awkward detail about yours and his relationship and always had a good time making fun of you for it. You felt his hand slide down your back and rest on your ass, making you jump slightly. You glanced up at him with furrowed eyebrows. He smiled and shrugged, leaning down to whisper in your ear. "I'm showing him that you're mine now and he's an idiot for letting you go," he said, giving you a squeeze. "Calum," you yelped in surprise, earning a chuckle from him as he kissed the side of your head.
  • Luke: The boys had been on tour for almost six months and since you weren't able to visit him while he was touring due to school, he wanted to make up for lost time. After visiting with his parents, he flew out to see you. All day the two of you had been together. You went to a movie, played laser tag, went bowling... and now you were at an Outback Steakhouse. "Do you feel like you're at home?" you teased when you entered the stereotypical Australian restaurant. "Do you think you're funny?" Luke teased back, poking your side as you were led to a table. When you were seated and your waiter had shown up, you wanted to throw the water the hostess gave you at him. "Y/N is that you? Hard to tell since most of the time you were underneath me." Luke knew who he was. He knew who he was and he looked just as pissed off as you were embarrassed. When you didn't reply, he went into his job-mode. "Are you ready to order?" he asked with a smirk. "No, we're going to go somewhere else. Thank you and goodbye," Luke said before you could get a word out, standing and holding his hand out for you to take before walking out of the restaurant.
  • Michael: When Michael came to visit you, he knew that you had promised your friend that you'd go see his band play at a local show. So Michael being the amazing boyfriend he is (as he liked to say) tagged along with you to watch your friend's band. When you got there, you paid the entry fee and stood in the back of the venue, watching the first band set up. A familiar face walked by and you glanced up, quickly looking away when you realized who it was. "Who is that?" Michael asked the question like he knew the answer already. "Don't worry about it," you replied when the feedback screeched. "Hey Y/N," his voice sounded from beside you. You looked up and saw that he was smirking. You smiled and inched closer to Michael, "Hi." Michael wrapped an arm around your shoulders, "Did you need to say anything else or are you just standing here to be a jackass?" Michael asked with a slight glare. Your ex stepped back a little with his arms up defensively, "I'm not looking for any trouble--" "Then leave," Michael cut him off. Your ex stood in his place for a few seconds before going back to his group of friends. "Thank you," you smiled, hugging Michael from the side.

drunkenssoldier  asked:

CS and 25, please??

25. librarian/avid reader au

it’s safe to say this got a little out of hand because this has to be one of my favourite au’s. hope I did it justice and thankyou for the prompt!

The first time he sees her, she’s hunched over a recently returned copy of Pride and Prejudice, reading glasses perfectly perched atop the bridge of her nose and golden hair pulled back in a messy bun. He doesn’t speak to her, doesn’t offer any book suggestions like he does for the others, he merely steals glances at the way she turns each page so delicately like it’s the most precious thing she’s ever held.

The second time he finds her is around two weeks later, she’s jammed herself in a corner of the library, between two shelves that hold historical memoirs that are hardly ever touched. He softly asks her if he can help her in any way, and when she looks up to shake her head no, he feels absolutely captured by her too green eyes.

He doesn’t want to leave her presence, he wishes he could stay there with her and listen to her read aloud to him. But, perhaps that’s overstepping his boundaries. After all, she is a complete stranger.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm in the mood for some serious angst. Do you have any fics where Cas or Dean has a terminal illness like cancer or something? Can have a happy ending or not, I don't really care either way.

Damn this is pretty hard. I mean there’s the usual Twist and Shout, but I’m not going to re-rec it since you can easily find it and other similar fics on our angst tag HERE. Just scroll down until you find an ask that will fit to your needs. We also have a Death tag where you may find something fitting, HERE.

Anyway, there’s a few fics I don’t think you can find from those tags, so here you go. Hope these will make you cry! – Admin A


Title: The courage of stars

Author: unholyseraphs (oncharredwings)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 76,614 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This was pretty good, as far as I can remember. It’s been awhile since I read this and my notes about it were pretty vague :’D Anyway it should fit to your ask pretty nicely!

Summary: Castiel Novak is a seventeen year old boy who is just like every other boy his age… except that he has acute lymphoblastic leukemia. As Castiel tries to live his usually lonely life in peace, new people that emerge from the shadows begin to change how he looks at his life and what it means to exist on the human level. He makes new friends, which is new since he hasn’t had a friend since the first grade. He even gets to have normal teen experiences, which make him happy to feel “normal”, in a world where normal is not his usual. After his doctor tells him that he is going to be moved from the Children’s Hospital in Boston to the regular hospital for his treatment, Castiel is devastated. Until he meets one inmate of the county jail, Dean Winchester. The handsome man with the charming smile, and even more tragic and secretive backstory, will change Castiel’s life forever.

( Read here )


Title: The Little Things

Author: AlreadyPainfullyGone

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Words: 2,885 - Finished

Admin’s assessment:

Admin A’s notes: I usually wouldn’t rec anything with less than two stars… and frankly, I have no idea why I’m reccing this. There’s Dean with cancer if that helps :’D

Summary: Au based on ‘the big C’ in which Dean gets very sick, and deals with it the denial way. Meeting a homeless man on the way.

( Read here )


Title: Return to Sender

Author: aileenrose, ctrlallt

Rating: Explicit

Words: 47,375 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I’ve recced this fic a couple of times before and I’m reccing it again because it’s just that awesome. I love the idea of this fic and how even though Sam is dead, he’s the one that brings all the characters together and is always present no matter what. I loved Dean’s journey to let his brother go while struggling with his feelings for Cas who has Sam’s heart beating in his chest as a constant reminder of his brother, and Cas who has never been able to live his life to the fullest being afraid of being Sam’s replacement in Dean’s heart. Seriously, this is an amazing story and everyone of you should read it! It’s not as angsty as the other fics in this rec though!

Summary: “He’s going to let Cas do this thing for him–he’s going to let Cas make him so fucking happy.” In the first year after Dean loses his brother, Jess comes up with an idea. She wants to meet Cas Novak, the man who has Sam Winchester’s heart in his chest.

( Read here )


Title: a place only you can go

Author: iamthemagicks

Rating: Mature

Words: 25,609 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I think I made a mistake reading this when I wasn’t in the mood for angst, so I never really got into the feeling of it. It was okay, not earth-shatteringly amazing that would make me cry unless I was really in the right mood. But if you are looking for something angsty and you have just the perfect soundtrack  to get in the right mood, I’m sure you’d love this!

Summary: Castiel Singer has been living with cardiomyopathy since he was fourteen. He lives with his adoptive parent and sister. While gearing up for graduation ( his sister and lifelong friend Sam), his heart starts to decline. He tries to work through the pain the best he can until his boyfriend, Dean ( a fledgling musician) returns home for a tour. But after an'episode’ that lands him in the hospital, Castiel and his family discover that he is in need of a transplant. Castiel has to step back and consider his relationship with Dean ( who sleeps with others man and women on tour and Castiel is aware) and the guilt of causing financial crisis to his family.

( Read here )


Title: Play My Song

Author: HalfBloodAlchemist-10

Rating: Mature

Words: 15,547 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: It’s been way over a year since I read this and my memory of it is very hazy and the notes I’ve made don’t really give me much to work with, since they literally say: Heartbreaking, cliché ending, not bad. So I guess I didn’t hate it and had some strong emotions at least some point of the story, which is a plus, and apparently the ending wasn’t that good :’D
I really need to write better notes in the future!

Summary: Three years after the world doesn’t end, Dean and Castiel’s life strikes tragedy once again. The ex-angel falls victim to a life threatening disease, and Dean must come to terms that a guardian angel can’t always be there for you.

( Read here )


And hey, 2K followers! Thank you, guys! We’re so happy! And I feel so bad because I’ve been too busy with work, school and, well, stupid life and I haven’t been able to post or even read anything for a while! Sorry! Thank God Admin A is doing a great job. – Admin J