don't read if it's not your thing

  • fanfic writer: *writing* Oh wow, they are going to love this. This is by far my best work!
  • fic: *witty lines* *perfect love making* *fluffy enough to kill us all* *a dash of angst, a smidgen of hurt/comfort*
  • fanfic writer: Oh man. This is it. This will be my legacy! *sweats into fic* *bleeds into fic* *cries into fic* *spends days perfecting the grammar and verbage and sex scenes* *has 15 betas look over it*
  • fanfic writer: Okay. It is finally time to release my baby on the world. Here you go fandom. You're welcome.
  • fandom: Ha, cute. *like* *kudos*
  • fanfic writer: :/
  • * * *
  • same fanfic writer: *writing* Whatever. This is shit, I don't even care right now. A singing squirrel? Sure, let's do it. Haha, cheesy lines that make no sense, sure. Grammatical errors out the wazoo? Why not. No one's going to read this piece of crap anyway, I literally wrote it on a scrap of 1 ply toilet paper with a broken yellow crayon.
  • fanfic writer: LOL *post*
  • fandom: OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU HAVE EVER GRANTED US WITH, WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE, OMG, I NEED A SEQUEL IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE. WHAT THE. I'M NOT EVEN WORTHY. *kudosrebloglikereccomment*
  • fanfic writer: *sigh*
slavic languages gothic

You see a sentence written in cyrillic. Some of the letters are familiar. You see the meaning shimmering underneath the surface. You almost grasp it, but it slips away. The letters on the page mock you silently.

You know this Czech word. You’ve already learnt it in Polish. It is not the same word. It is a grave insult. Your slavic friends are shocked and embarassed for you when they hear you speak it.

There is a sentence in Croatian. There is a sentence in Serbian. There is a sentence in Bosnian. They are all the same sentence.

You have to write about your day in Slovak. You spend the night polishing the draft. You fail your assigment. It’s written in Czech. You don’t know Czech.

P is not what it seems. You have to remember that.

The Croatian sentence does not mean what the Bosnian sentence means. They both mean the same in Serbian.

That word has a diminutive. The diminutive has its own diminutive. The diminutive of the diminutive also has a diminutive. Nobody knows what the final diminutive of a word is. Some say the knowledge had been lost in centuries past and matrioshkas are the echo, the tangible warning left for us to remember. No living creature should hold the means of diminishing something into nonexistence.
Others say you may still find some of them in old soviet textbooks, if you dare to look in abandoned schools of Chernobyl.

Someone is speaking to you. Is that a he or a she? You aren’t sure. It’s an abstract concept. Why does it have gender.

You see a word in a dictionary. It has seventeen letters and only one vowel. You close the dictionary very carefully not looking at the phonetic transcription. The shape of it haunts you in your sleep. You wake up face damp with tears, a bitter taste on your tongue. The clock blinks 3:03AM. You do not dare look up that word again.

This word means the same thing in the five slavic languages you’re familiar with. You use it in the sixth one. That word does not exist in this language. It never did. There is now a word-shaped void in the fabric of this language. The natives look at you uneasily. There is a new quality to the silence and your palms start to sweat.

H is not H. H is not H. H is not H. H is not H.

One day you flip through your dictionary. A page is missing. What was the word? You can’t remember. There is pressure building at the back of your head. The clock blinks 3:03AM.

You write my name is in cyrillic. There are shadows dancing on the walls. They grow longer with each letter you write down. It is not cyrillic you’re using. You keep writing my name is. The shadows now bleed from the tip of your pen. It’s irrelevant. You need to remember the right letters.

N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not… If only you could remember the letters. The letters are important. What was it, that wasn’t N?

There are nine different prefixes you can add to a verb to change its meaning. There are fifty three different suffixes you have to add to a verb to make it work. In the end the only thing left of the original is a vague shape of one of its middle consonants. You can feel the anguish radiating from the verb’s mutialted form. A desperate sob escapes through your clenched teeth. You’re so, so sorry, you didn’t meant to. You didn’t. It doesn’t matter.

You now read a text in Russian. You’ve never learnt Russian. Why are you reading that text? The words burn your eyes, the meaning searing your mind.

There’s a shot of vodka in front of you. You don’t drink alcohol. You don’t care. All existence is meaningless, your soul’s in eternal pain. A broken matrioshka lays at your feet. There is no salvation, she says boring into your eyes. You open your mouth to answer, but there is only a burst of harsh rustle. It dies in whispering echoes a moment later. Your glass is empty again.

6

“Thank you, Ray”

It’s easy to forget who you really are when you pretend for too long

(…..I wanted to draw crying Zarc probably…)

Take a bucket and fill it with all of your worries.
All of them.
Every single one.
Then take that bucket, and empty it into the natural flow of the universe. Allow each worry to be washed away,
Disintegrate,
And vanish out of sight.
Allow for the natural way of things to act in its own timing. It will take away all of your worries. It knows the way, so surrender your torturous thoughts,
For everything will be alright.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
doors in survival horror/horror vidya
  • Silent Hill: The door is rusted shut. It also has no knob and isn't real. None of these doors are. What, did you think we'd let you in any of these doors? Fucking idiot.
  • Resident Evil: This door requires an absurdly specific key only obtainable by doing an absurd puzzle. Why is everything in this building fucking locked?
  • Resident Evil 4: Just kick the door in half. You don't give a fuck. Fuck this guy's house, it's my house now.
  • Haunting Ground: Go print out some words on a stone printer. They're like keycards. But rocks.
  • Rule of Rose: Some little fucker is going to shut the door on you. What a prick.
  • Dino Crisis: I hope you like scrabble.
  • Dino Crisis 2: It seems that someone misplaced a large vehicle into this door. Go find a key in a pond to open the other door.
  • Fatal Frame: Hey I hope you like doing silly puzzles because here's a clock, go ahead and input that time you read about earlier.
  • Left 4 Dead: I mean, yeah, that door opens, but the hunter behind it isn't going to make things easier for you. Oops, it was just a horde.
  • Penumbra: Well that door's right fucked, innit? You see those boxes over there? You know what to do.
  • Amnesia: Same as above but with Mr. Struts on your ass the entire time.
  • S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: If it's a locked door, you're gonna need a keycode. Hope you're ready to fight the burer behind it. The pseudogiant, too.
  • X-COM: There's a lobsterman behind that door. Don't open it. Don't even open the sub door. There's lobstermen out there. Time to leave.
  • Cryostasis: You're going to have to go into some guy's memories and make it so that he doesn't get dead to get through this door. Or maybe a bear's memories. Awesome.
  • Lifeline: OPEN DOOR. OPEN THAT DOOR. OPEN KITCHEN DOOR. OPEN DOOR. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR AAAAAA JESUS CHRIST RIO PLEASE I BEG OF YOU OPEN THE DOOR
  • Echo Night Beyond: Look through some really slow moving cameras until you figure out what you need to open the door, then proceed to immediately make a mad dash for the items while a ghost of a little girl kinda jogs towards you in an apparently immensely threatening fashion because your heart rate is literally breaking 300 bpm whenever she's within 3 feet of you.
  • *gang all hanging together*
  • Lucien: So what's it like? Reading everyone's minds.
  • Feyre: I mean, it's usually a conscious effort, and I don't do it often.
  • Lucien: But what's it like?
  • Feyre: Like what do people think about? You have your outliers, like Mor, who write cute stories about strangers they pass on the street. But then you have a lot of Azriel's grocery lists, Nesta's endless appreciation of Cassian, Elain's analysis's of flowers. Other than-
  • Cassian: I'm sorry. What was the middle thing?
  • Feyre: Az's grocery lists?
  • Cassian: No. After that.
  • Feyre: I can't remember. Nesta, do you know?
  • *Nesta fuming in the corner*
  • <p> <b>Gryffindor:</b> high-fiving someone so hard it hurts your hand (on purpose, and you just get even more pumped up + happy), catching things right before they hit the ground, "home is not a place, it's a person", buying dozens of notebooks but only writing a couple of things in each of them, balconies, assuming everyone speaks the truth, instant noodles, carefree jokes in the middle of fighting in action movies, hitchhiking, board games (with friends), adopting slang words/expressions from other people, road trips, drinking/eating straight from the container, forgetting to brush your teeth, explaining things with your hands or by showing, volunteering (sometimes just so that those who REALLY don't want to do it won't have to), constantly changing your ringtone<p/><b>Ravenclaw:</b> reading funny/interesting facts and forgetting them right away (except for the VERY fascinating ones), going to a foreign country without knowing the language; learning as you go/by experiencing it yourself and through failed attempts, multitasking (with questionable results), space, tearing paper as a stress reliever, preferring ballpoint + mechanical pens because the line they draw is even, procrastination, blushing easily, either REALLY neat or REALLY messy handwriting, making sure everyone is drinking enough water (and not too much alcohol), never borrowing money but always lending it to others (with no rush to get it back), wind, green tea, talking really fast/loud when you get excited, laughing and smiling silently, only paying attention to the things that interest you<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> having a discussion with someone across the room by using just gestures and facial expressions/lip reading, ending up sharpening all the pencils instead of just the one you need, string instruments, both judgemental eye rolls and friendly and teasing eye rolls, never ignoring problems, taking one (or two) for the team, cutting your own hair/making your own jewellery and clothing; DIY, formal language with strangers and at work but swearing/using (internet) slang with friends and at home, never letting fate decide, keeping secrets (both others' and your own), forgiving relatively fast but NOT many times, avoiding telling white lies, mostly listening during conversations but impressing everyone with how intelligent and insightful you are when you do comment/speak<p/><b>Hufflepuff:</b> sunflowers and dandelions, (cookie) dough, colouring books, choosing the slightly smaller half of a halved pastry even though the other person said you could pick either one and they'd have the other one, bumblebees + honey bees, listening to loud music with headphones and constantly fearing others can hear it, humming and whistling, coffee and hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream and spices, blanket forts, not feeling pressured to do anything "productive", always thinking it's your fault (it's not), having days for yourself; peace and quiet and self-care, movie/TV/Netflix marathons, procrastinating at first and then working for hours and hours straight just before the deadline, rain (heavy or light), chocolate and peppermint and fudge<p/></p>
Before my muse disappeared, they gave yours a series of 'open when' letters. Send a symbol to read them.
  • Open when...
  • ☹: you're not feeling okay
  • ☕: it's too early in the morning
  • ✎: you miss me
  • ❀: it's valentine's and i'm out of town
  • ♕: you don't feel important
  • ♡: you wonder how much i love you
  • ⚯: you need ideas for an adventure
  • ✰: you're staring up at the stars, looking for me
  • ✴: you're angry
  • ✸: you're angry at yourself
  • ☘: you're angry at the world
  • ☏: you need me
  • ☁: things won't stop going wrong
  • ✈: everything's perfect again
  • ✌: you're guilty
  • ❆: it's snowing
  • ☠: i'm gone

anonymous asked:

Hi, I don't know if you're taking prompts but I just read your scene about Andrew being there in Baltimore and it was amazing so I wanted to ask you to write something about Andreil + neck kisses, because I feel like this is a Very Important plot point that was not fully explored. Like maybe Andrew coming to terms with the fact that it's actually his favorite thing, and not knowing how to ask for it? Ugh I just finished rereading the series and I can't get enough of these stupid boys 🦊

(Thank you so muuuuch, and also I totally agree tbh)

He hates the way Neil always pauses to kiss at the hinge of his jaw on the way to his neck. It’s like a check point, the sweet press of a power button, and Neil doesn’t even seem to realize he’s doing it. He kisses with his whole face too, dragging down over Andrew’s bottom lip and chin and throat with his eyes closed, like he’s too in love with the experience to even look.

It’s killing Andrew. It’s stoppering the air in his lungs and giving him stomach ache with how bad he wants it. You like it. I like that you like it.

Andrew hates that he likes it, the vulnerability of that bared neck. It feels like a mistake every time he does it, but it also kind of feels like he’s taken the first shots of the night and he can’t stop, like the more he drinks the thirstier he gets. Neil is such a mistake, but he’s so so easy to make.

Kissing — like this, with the covers pushed down and Andrew on his side with his hand up Neil’s shirt — feels inevitable. He can’t stop pushing up Neil’s springy cowlicks and Neil can’t stop fumbling down to Andrew’s neck and sucking. It’s so humid and nervy-tense between them, like it’s never been, like Neil is singlehandedly dangling Andrew off of a rooftop.

Neil passes his tongue over that root of Andrew’s jaw and Andrew makes a noise so low that it sounds wounded. He just barely keeps his hands from forcing Neil closer, chasing that moment where Neil can’t help himself, circulating between mouth and face and neck before Andrew directs his attention elsewhere. He just wants to stay in that circuit with his hands open and his head tilted back.

Andrew’s fist must go too tight in Neil’s hair because he pulls back frowning, lips red.

“Sorry,” Neil says. “Carried away.” He looks troubled by this, like he’s not used to being carried away by things that aren’t arguments.

“No,” Andrew starts, and then stalls out. His hand is still in Neil’s hair. He doesn’t know how to ask for this; doesn’t even know if he wants to.

“No?” Neil repeats. “Okay.” He leans back and off of Andrew, passing one hand through his own hair and undoing Andrew’s work messing it up.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” Andrew says, and the way he’s exposed is too much — shirt pushed up in the tousle to pull Neil on top, hard and marked up.

“In my experience, no means stop,” Neil says evenly.

It’s exactly what he wants to hear, he realizes suddenly. Neil finds this humiliating way of giving Andrew what he wants without looking like he’s considered it at all.

Keep reading

Dead Poets Society for the Signs
  • Aries: "Close your eyes, close your eyes! Close 'em! Now tell me what you see."
  • Taurus: "This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls."
  • Gemini: "That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
  • Cancer: "Poetry, beauty, romance, love... these are the things we stay alive for."
  • Leo: "Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"
  • Virgo: "Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold and die."
  • Libra: "We all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own."
  • Scorpio: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion."
  • Sagittarius: "Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary."
  • Capricorn: "I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way."
  • Aquarius: "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."
  • Pisces: “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”

anonymous asked:

Well, this is kinda angsty, but can I request a scenario where zen & mc are together and in the last rfa party zen slept with jaehee and after a few days jaehee couldn't deal with the blame and told mc in front of all rfa but MC pretended not to believe her (andthenrfa*cof*saeran*cof*tryingtocomforther). This is ridiculously specific, i know lolol but feel free if you don't want to do it, it's okay, or if you want to change anything just do it 😅 I love love love your blog and your writing ❤❤❤❤❤

Ok so this post actually ended up being realllly long and I don’t know how to do the ‘read more’ thing so I’m really sorry to anyone trying to scroll by
Oops 

And I’m so glad you like my writing, and I’m also really glad I got this request because at first I wasn’t sure how to write it (I basically ended up writing a fanfiction using bullet points haha oops) but I had a lot of fun doing it.

Disclaimer: I don’t think Zen would ever cheat and I actually don’t think Jaehee has any romantic feelings for him, just admiring adoration.

And I know you said I could change things
but it’s rlly angsty 
and I’m an angst monster and I kinda love it sooo i’m gonna keep it exactly how you wrote it  

let’s do it

  • Zen had always been flirty with you
  • And at some point..you had started flirting back
  • And soon it was more than flirting and you found yourself head over heels for each other
  • Constant phone calls too each other where you’d gush over how you wished you could see each other
  • Good morning and Goodnight texts
  • The occasional shameless flirt in the public chat
  • Once you two met at the first RFA party it was like a scene from a Disney movie, you two all but ran to each other and he swung you around once he snagged you in a tight embrace
  • Looking into his eyes you swore this could be love
  • He did too.
  • He really did swear he was in love with you
  • You were everything he had hoped and more
  • You were the person that woke him up everyday and put a smile on his face, you were the person that he thought of when love songs came on the radio, when he was on stage you were his muse, when he lay down to sleep at night you were the final thought in his head, and the first one in his dreams.
  • The next RFA party was a few months after you two had first met in person, only a couple months into your very happy relationship
  • You two had spent the first half of the night joined at the hip, happily enjoying each other’s company.
  • But somewhere throughout the nights timeline you both got distracted by separate guests and acquaintances and wandered away from each other.
  • Zen started drinking. Whoever he was talking to kept egging him on and the two of them were having a good ole time, which is rare for Zen in these occasions because the guests are usually upper class aristocrats like Jumin or if they are there for Zen, it’s as fans instead of friends
  • So he thought he’d treat himself
  • It got to be a bit much
  • The other guests were starting to notice and Jumin was not going to have the press covering Zen’s drunken gusto at an RFA event
  • “Assistant Kang,” Jumin sauntered over to Jaehee while keeping his eyes on Zen. “please escort Hyun to the back where he can cool down, out of the cameras’ lines of sight.”
  • “Of course, Mr. Han” And Jaehee was off. She was relieved that she had an excuse to get Zen out of the room, she too recognized the bad press that could follow this event but felt she hadn’t had the authority to tell Zen otherwise
  • But under the guise of Jumin’s will, she was able to convince Zen to head to the back so ‘Jumin wouldn’t bitch’ (in the words of the actor).
  • Soon it was just the two of them in the back room, Jaehee giving Zen water as he yanked at his shirt collar, complaining it was hot.
  • In his drunken shenanigens he managed to undo all his buttons at some point while Jaehee was getting more water, so she came back to shirtless Zen.
  • Zen knew those eyes.
  • As the assistant stared at his pectorals with a slight blush on her cheeks, he looked into her eyes and saw something
  • Adoration. Admiration. Want.
  • She wanted him.
  • Somewhere, deep in his psyche, behind the pseudo narcissist wall, 10 year old Hyun Ryu craved the attention. The positive attention his mom said he’d never get
  • He had you
  • But in that moment he had Jaehee too, and he couldn’t turn that down
  • Jaehee doesn’t even know how it initiated, she just recalls Zen pressing her against the wall and kissing her with a passion she’s never felt before.
  • His hands undoing the buttons of her shirt
  • His lips whispering praises of how she was not only successful, but also beautiful. And so sweet. And smart. And-
  • She almost cried. Someone as talented as Zen saw something so great in someone as plain as her? Impossible.
  • But he kept assuring her, and touching her, and loving her
  • Loving her the way he should have been loving you
  • The guilt hit her, but she watched it disappear as ecstasy took over
  • Zen passed out once they were both finished, pants undone and shirt wide open, but eyes closed and soft breaths flying in and out of his lips
  • Jaehee was wide awake though.
  • She was leaning against the wall, clothes messily pulled back on and tears threatening her eyes
  • The guilt was back and it felt like the weight of the world’s biggest mistake was sitting on her shoulders
  • She put her hands over her mouth as she stared at Zen, and she started crying when she thought of you.
  • “What have I done?”
  •  
  • After every party, the RFA gets together a few days later to go over logistics. What worked, what didn’t, who came, how to convince more people to come, etc
  • Jaehee’s heart dropped as you and Zen walked in together, a bright smile on your face, a blank slate on his.
  • No not blank
  • When Jaehee met his crimson eyes she saw it, the same thing he probably saw in her eyes: Guilt. Remorse. Regret.
  • She could barely stomach the feel as you greeted her and hugged her
  • “Jaehee! Good to see you! I feel like we didn’t get to talk much at the party thanks to someone making a little scene” As you pulled away you playfully rolled your eyes towards Zen. 
  • He just gave a nervous chuckle
  • Jaehee opened her mouth, ready to spill her guts, only to find it was dry as cotton. 
  • You gave her a quizzical look, ready to ask what was wrong, but Jumin’s voice interrupted with “Shall we begin?” looking pointedly at the three of you.
  • “Yahoo~” Seven cheered as he plopped down next to Saeran, who had recently been getting dragged along to all the RFA meetings, given he tended to just sit in the corner and pout.
  • Much like right now. He did little more than look at you and nod, which was as courteous a greeting as you were going to get with him.
  • Yoosung nodded, signaling everyone was ready, and the discussion began
  •  
  • You all were about 30 minutes into the conversation
  • Except for Jaehee
  • She couldn’t stop thinking about what happened the night of the party
  • She couldn’t stop looking at you and feeling guilty
  • She couldn’t stop thinking about telling you
  • “I need water” She stood up abruptly, startling everyone a bit
  • Jumin had a bit of an annoyed look on his face but conceded with “Fine. Quick 5 minute break for everyone”
  • Jaehee booked it to the kitchen
  • “Uh…I’m thirsty too.” Cue Zen bee-lining after her.
  • “Are you Okay??” He asked in a harsh whisper
  • “No I’m not okay!” Jaehee hissed back “We…we have to tell her.”
  • “No!” Zen’s eyes widened “No. You and I both know it was a mistake that will never happen again. She doesn’t need to know.”
  • “Zen if you love her-”
  • “I do love her!” He snapped back “I love her which is why I can’t lose her Jaehee. I know we messed up, I do. But..I can’t lose her over my mistakes” His eyes were pleading even more than his voice
  • Jaehee just stared into the crimson orbs, feeling the knot in her stomach grow. She just weakly nodded.
  • There was a moment of silence before she chugged her glass of water and turned to head back towards the living room where everyone was seated
  • She took a strong stride in
  • She bit her tongue
  • She was not going to-
  • You were the first face she met walking back in
  • Your smile welcoming her back to the circle
  • Your eyes cheery
  • Your heart open to her as it had been since the first day even when she treated you coldly.
  • Zen was right behind Jaehee and nearly bumped into her when she stopped dead in her tracks
  • “Jaehee?” You and he called at the same time, him due to her abrupt stop, and you because of the tears suddenly pouring from her eyes.
  • “Jaehee what’s wrong?” You rushed to her, attracting everyone’s attention
  • You caught Zen’s face from over her shoulder, his eyes wide. Knowing.
  • “M-MC” Jaehee choked out
  • “W-What is it?” You asked worriedly taking her trembling hands in yours
  • “MC” Her voice fell. There was just a moment of silence. Everyone in the room was looking, the outburst had even taken a hold of Saeran’s full attention.
  • “Zen and I…we’ve done something awful” 
  • You knew what she was suggesting but..no. No you didn’t. No way that’s what she meant you’re just confusing things.
  • “…What did you do?” You asked cautiously
  • Sniffling. Endless sniffling. You looked to Zen, who was pale and looked like he was also ready to cry.
  • “Zen…what happened?”
  • “I’m so sorry” He managed to get out before the lump in his throat clogged his vocal cords.
  • “At the party MC we- we had….” Jaehee couldn’t get the filthy three letter word out of her mouth
  • You dropped her hands and looked to Zen
  • “MC I’m so sorry” Zen repeated, his voice shaking even more
  • Everyone was quiet, waiting for your response
  • You had none. Just an empty stare and mouth slightly agape, waiting for words to come out of their own accord
  •  Finally they did
  • “This is a really cruel joke to play” You feigned a very obvious forced smile as your eyes blinked back tears “I never thought you guys would do such a thing..haha” You wiped a way a small drop ready to roll down your cheek
  • “MC!” Jaehee exclaimed “This isn’t-”
  • “Jaehee.” Your voice dropped. “I really don’t find this funny.”
  • “Neither do I!” The brown haired girl went to take your hand again but you pulled away
  • “And Zen” You turned to him “I don’t- I don’t know..how…” You couldn’t finish the sentence
  • They were everywhere. Pouring down your face, flooding your eyes, gathering in a small pool at your chin. It was an onslaught of tears rolling down your cheeks, choking your words, your thoughts, your everything.
  • “MC” Zen reached out to you, only to have his hand swatted away by yours.
  • You just stared at him and cried, forcing him to look you in the eyes as your faux smile fell to pieces. 
  • You felt a hand softly fall upon your shoulder, and you turned to see Seven looking at you, apologetic pity in his eyes. Saeran stood behind him, wearing an angrier version of his twin’s sentiment. 
  • “Let’s go for a ride, get some fresh air, huh MC?” The red head’s voice was soft
  • You softly nodded and let him guide you towards the door, not even able to muster up to energy to look back at Jaehee and Zen. 
  • Saeran did however, and he looked back towards the two with a face full of disgust, up until the moment he slammed the door
  • “what a good meeting” Jumin grumbled under his breath as he turned a disdainful eye towards Zen
  •  
  • You drove for a couple hours probably. Most of it in silence, but a comfortable one. You were in the passenger seat and Saeran was in the back, Seven at the wheel finding desolate roads and flying down them, giving the wind of your open window some sort of purifying feeling. It stung, but it felt good. Your hair whipped around and the land raced by and you occasionally sobbed but that was ok.
  • Eventually you found yourself back at the Chois’ place, sitting on the couch, staring at a TV playing a movie that you hadn’t been paying attention to for the last hour. Your mind was elsewhere, wondering what you had done wrong.
  • You looked at the carton of ice cream in your hand, only doing so because the sight of Saeran setting his own empty one on the coffee table had triggered you to remember Seven had given you your own carton to drown your sorrows in.
  • The redhead had actually gone out to buy more, so it was just you and Saeran on the black leather couch staring at the TV screen.
  • “Do you want this?” You offered the ice cream to Saeran who’s expression turned from bored to surprised, probably because you’d been silent for the past six hours aside from a sob here and there.
  • “You don’t want it?”
  • “I’m not hungry”
  • He stared at you and the carton for a second, his face unreadable.
  • He wanted to insist you eat the ice cream, because personally he found it to always make him feel better, but he figured you didn’t want to hear it.
  • He took the carton from your hands and placed it on the table in front of you two
  • Silence aside from the noise of the TV.
  • He cast a glance to you, only to find your eyes on the floor.
  • “doyou wantalk” You barely understood what he said it was so quiet
  • “What?” You looked to him
  • He thought you were asking out of surprise rather than inaudibility and “My therapist…he says that talking things out makes you feel better.” He looked indignant for a moment, likely remembering how stupid he felt when he rejected the idea only to find later that his therapist had been correct
  • “I…I have nothing to say” Your shell of a voice whispered
  • Saeran furrowed his brows at you. “Say you hate them”
  • “What?”
  • His voice raised a bit “You hate them don’t you? So say it. The therapist said talk about your feelings so start there. They’re scumbags who hurt you and deser-”
  • “No!” You’re voice hit a volume it hadn’t reached in hours. “I don’t hate them!”
  • Saeran was mixed with confusion and anger “What do you mean you don’t hate them? One of your best friends and your boyfriend fucked-”
  • There it was
  • Someone finally said it.
  • The hot tears made a return and began rolling down your cheeks as sudden sobs erupted from your mouth
  • Saeran was alarmed at the sudden show and tried to pinpoint the trigger. He supposes it could be his last sentence but it’s not as if it wasn’t something we all knew.
  • “I….I don’t hate them” You cried once the worst of the sobs subsided.”I don’t even think I want to hate them. I mean it’d be easier but…I don’t. Jaehee…it’s not her fault. She just..got wrapped up in it all. And she’s always liked Zen. How could she have said no. And he..he was drunk” You sputtered out your rationalizations to find that they only annoyed Saeran
  • “The Assistant should still no better. But fine. You know what? She’s not dating you, and clearly she triggered you finding out the truth. So let’s pretend she’s ok? What about the actor? I don’t care that he was drunk. There’s no excuse for him doing that!” The white haired boys voice had become louder and louder, fists clenching tighter and tighter as he began riling up old feelings of betrayal he once felt. “He abandoned you! He left you in the dust and for what? He failed you!”
  • You don’t know when it happened but Saeran had turned towards you and grabbed your hands, squeezing them tight in between his own. His mouth was contorted into some sort of snarl and you saw a fire raging behind his minty eyes. 
  • “Saeran..you’re hurting my hands” You squeaked out.
  • Your small voice dragged him out of whatever memory he was reliving and he sort of faded back into reality with a few blinks of his eyes before turning his attention to his hands. He let go of yours and in a flat voice uttered a “sorry”.
  • You guys were silent again, just staring at the floor, both living in whatever sad memory chose to cross your brains.
  • “You deserve better is all” He finally said.
  • “I know” You replied, voice empty of any real feeling.
  • You looked up, staring at the TV but not actually watching as a man on a horse offered a hand towards a young woman. “I just can’t stop thinking about him. About the him I fell in love with. Is he really gone?”
  • Saeran followed your gaze to the TV, looking on as the girl hopped on the horse. “I think so. That’s assuming he was the guy you thought he was at any point.”
  • “He was.” You said, a little defensive. Saeran looked towards you, watching your emotionless expression, knowing that there was a storm underneath despite the calm appearance. He knew because he often did the same, rocking a stoic appearance while watching all hell break loose in his own head.
  • “Is this the part where I say ‘It gets better’?” 
  • “Do you believe that it does?”
  • “Not a fuckin’ chance” A bitter smirk twisted his lips 
  • “I appreciate the honesty” You sighed
  • “Not in the way that we think it will anyway” He looked off into space somewhere.
  • “Hm?” You turned to him
  • “Everyone imagines that one day soon they’re going to wake up and suddenly it’s not going to hurt anymore. That there’s gonna be a day when you don’t think about this. You’re always gonna think about it. You’re always gonna wonder what you did wrong. Why God hates you. What things would be like if it didn’t happen.”
  • “You don’t think that there can be a day when it all feels ok?” You ask, partially to heal your hopeless heart, and partially because you see Saeran is projecting his own feelings and you’re curious to know how he feels.
  • “Maybe. I haven’t hit it yet though. Doubt I will.” 
  • You stared as he looked off into the distance, feeling as if you could see the scenes of his past playing in his eyes.
  • You were just about to recede back into your ball of depression and hopelessness before he spoke again and took your attention
  • “But that’s me. You’re…you, MC” your questioning look prompted him to continue “You’re…a good person.”
  • “You are to-” You went to say but he cut you off by turning and leaning towards you with a new intensity in his face.
  • “Not like you. If at all” He scoffed. “ You though, everyone loves you. And they’re right too. Because…” suddenly he stopped himself, seeming to turn a little shy.
  • “Because?” You wanted, no, needed to hear this.
  • He gulped down his fear and turned his eyes to the side, unable to look at you as he delivered his next few words, scared of you seeing through him even more than you usually do. 
  • “MC, you’re..everything. You’re smart, you’re cute, and you’re …kind. You always know what to say to help everyone. And that’s the thing. You try to help people, even people trying to hurt you…” His eyes turned back to you “You saw a good in me even when I didn’t. You risked your life to help my brother to save me. You’re…kind of like an angel.”
  • You just stared, taken aback by such kind words, from Saeran of all people. 
  • You were right to be surprised, he wasn’t usually this smooth in conveying his feelings verbally…there must have just been something about you that made it easy for him to talk.
  • “If it gets better for anyone, it’ll be for you, MC” He reached for your hand out of instinct, but pulled back instantly when your skin touched, as if he just realized what he was doing. His eyes did the same, it looked like he just realized how vulnerable he was in that moment, and a sort of wall was raised behind his irises and his whole body tensed a bit.
  • He was scared of being rejected.
  •  …
  • Your hand slowly reached out to his, which was floating in the space between you two, and when he didn’t pull back, you interlaced your fingers together. 
  • A look of awe decorated both of your faces.
  • “Thank you…Saeran.” The light of the TV bounced off your wet eyes, making them look extra glossy.
  • The boy just looked at you, wide eyed, apprehensive for a moment, then nodded and tightened his grip on your hand. It wasn’t the same anger induced bear trap grip from when he grabbed them before. Now it was just firm, reassuring, like a hug.
  • “MC…things will get better for you. If not? I’ll make them.” He gave a subtle squeeze of the hand, giving you the nostalgic feeling of a pinky promise.
  • “You already did.” You let your head, heavy from spinning and sobbing all day, fall on his shoulder.
  • He just looked at you for a moment, before taking a deep breath a pulling you closer, his free hand rubbing your back gently. 
  • Maybe he was wrong
  • Maybe things would get better for him too
  • Nick: Do you ever get to read that [fanfiction]?
  • Niall: Back in the day, at the start, I used to read some of those fanfiction things on tumblr or whatever.
  • Nick: Who's been your most popular partner in the fanfiction?
  • Niall: I don't know, like one of the lads. It's just strange. Where do you find the time to write these stuff?
  • Nick: And it's not like 30 words. It's like 15 thousand! It's taken up all my time writing these. Barely got time to do the Radio 1 Breakfast Show.
Highlights from All the Bright Places
  • Finch: .. it's only when I'm awake that I think about dying.
  • Finch: Worthless. Stupid. These are the words I grew up hearing. They're the words I try to outrun, because if I let them in, they might stay there and grow and fill me up and in, until the only thing left of me is worthless stupid worthless stupid worthless stupid freak.
  • Finch: This time will be different. This time, I will stay awake.
  • Finch: "My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery-- always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving,, and then buried in the mud. And why? What's this passion for?"
  • Violet: "If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger."
  • Violet: Like everything else that doesn't last, today is gone now, but it was a pretty good day.
  • Finch: You have to live your life like you'll never be sorry. It's easier to do the right thing from the start so there's nothing to apologize for.
  • Finch: I know life well enough to know you can't count on things staying around or standing still, no matter how much you want them to.
  • Finch: The problem with people is they forget that most of the time it's the small things that count. Everyone's so busy waiting in the Waiting Place. If we stopped to remember that there's such a thing as a Purina Tower and a view like this, we'd all be happier.
  • Finch: What if life could be this way? Only the happy parts, none of the terrible, not even the mildly unpleasant. What if we could just cut out the bad and keep the good?
  • Finch: (referring to "impending, weightless doom") I like the idea of something that can give you those feelings all the time. I want something like that, and then I look at Violet and think: There she is.
  • Finch: I walk through the black Indiana night, under a ceiling of stars, and think about the phrase "elegance and euphoria," and how it describes exactly what i feel with Violet.
  • Finch: I pull her in and kiss her the way I've always wanted to kiss her, a lot more R-rated than PG-13.
  • Finch: Ultraviolet Remarkey-able, I think I love you.
  • Finch: The future is uncertain, but that can be a good thing.
  • Finch (while strangling Roamer): You put me here. You did this. It's your fault, your fault, your fault.
  • Finch: If a song's meant to stay around, you carry it with you in your bones.
  • Finch (quoting Cesare Pavese): "We do not remember days, we remember moments."
  • Finch: Decca, sometimes there's beauty in the tough words-- it's all in how you read them.
  • Violet: People like Theodore Finch don't die. He's just wandering.
  • Violet: May your eye go to the Sun, To the wind your soul .... You are all the colors in one, at full brightness.
  • Violet: What a terrible feeling to love someone and not be able to help them.
  • Violet: I didn't know that my life forever changing would be because you loved me and then left, and in such a final way.
  • Violet: Just because they're dead, they don't have to be. And neither do we.
  • Finch: You make me love you, And that could be the greatest thing my heart was ever fit to do ....
  • : Theodore Finch-- I was alive. I burned brightly. And then I died, but not really. Because someone like me cannot, will not, die like everyone else. I linger like the legends of the Blue Hole. I will always be here, in the offerings and people I left behind.
  • Jennifer Niven: ... it is important to talk about what happened.
  • Theodore Finch: You are all the colors in one, at full brightness.

anonymous asked:

I love the response you wrote to the prompt about Jack talking to Senor Bun and I, I dunno, was wondering if you'd finish it with Jack asking Bitty and all...... of course you don't have to do that I just wanted to hear more of your writing and I also just love it when things feel complete, I guess? Anyway thanks for your writing, lol. It's always a pleasure to read

Thank you! <3 I’ve been a bit slow reply so you’ve probably forgotten part one. Anyway, thank you again, and here’s the finale/proposal!

Jack carries Senor Bun carefully back to the bedroom, making sure he’s centred against Bitty’s pillow with the ears flopping just so.

He hears the front door opening, and a second later, Bitty’s calling out a greeting.

Jack pats his pocket. The ring box is still there.

“Well, here goes,” he whispers to Senor Bun, then steps out and through to the kitchen where he knows Bitty will be.

“Hey,” Jack tries to sound normal even though his throat has swollen with nerves.

“It smells amazing, honey.” Bitty greets him with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek. “And what’s all this?” he asks, gesturing at the dining table.

Jack’s set it more elaborately than normal. Tablecloth, the fancy wine glasses, and a new candle burning gently in the middle.

“Something special,” Jack says, feeling nervous, but at the same time, certain in his love for Bitty and what he’s about to do.

Bitty turns with a frown to Jack. “Have I forgotten something important?”

Jack shakes his head. “Of course not.”

Bitty sighs in relief and Jack finds he can’t wait a second longer.

He drops to one knee.

It’s abrupt and unmissable. Bitty gasps quietly and covers his mouth with his hands. He looks over to the table again and then back to Jack.

Jack holds out a hand, palm up, to Bitty, and waits while he breathes shallowly in and out. Bitty drops his hands eventually, and slides one into Jack’s waiting palm. He nods at Jack, looking a new combination of petrified but smiling.

“Eric Richard Bittle-”

Bitty makes a choked noise. “You never call me that.”

“I’m trying to make it romantic.”

Bitty laughs and shakes his head in a fond gesture.

“Bitty,” Jack starts again, smiling because he can already read the ‘yes’ in Bitty’s shining eyes, and it’s made his nerves fly away. “Bits. Bud. Mon lapin.”

Bitty laughs again, and half-way through it turns into a sob.

“I…” Jack blinks, realising something in the moment. “I had a speech but I can’t wait that long. Will you marry me?”

“I thought you were trying to be romantic,” Bitty teases through his tears.

“There a candle,” Jack says, dropping Bitty’s hand to reach into his pocket and bring out the ring. He had timed it for during the speech but that’s gone out the window now. Now that Bitty’s here, and since he’s gotten Senor Bun’s blessing, it’s physically impossible for Jack to wait on this.

He opens the box and shows Bitty. Bitty wipes at his eyes and looks down at the ring. He reaches out, but bypasses the ring box and curls his fingers around Jack’s forearm which he pulls on gently to guide Jack up to standing.

Bitty looks into Jack’s eyes then reaches up to brush a thumb along his cheekbone. Jack takes a rattling breath in. He hadn’t realised he’d stopped breathing, and now he’s choked up in a very tangible way. It’s a confusing emotional oscillation. He opens his mouth to ask Bitty again, but instead draws in another ragged breath.

Bitty lifts his other hand to frame Jack’s face. He pulls Jack’s head down slightly, and leans on tiptoes so their foreheads are touching.

“Yes,” he says simply.

It’s the most perfect syllable Jack has ever heard.

Jack would kiss Bitty except that he’s smiling so much and can’t stop–as is Bitty–and he knows that wont be comfortable for either of them. Instead, he takes the ring from its box with shaking fingers, and slips it on to the hand that Bitty holds up between them.

It’s a prefect fit. Jack looks at it on Bitty’s finger and feels something has clicked into place. He wraps his arms around Bitty and squeezes him so tightly it’s actually uncomfortable, Bitty’s collarbone pressing into his chest.

“I love you,” he says to Bitty. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“God, Jack,” Bitty breathes, laughing. “I already agreed to marry you.” It sounds thick like Bitty is crying again, but Jack doesn’t judge, after all, he is too. He doesn’t think he’s ever laughed and cried so much at the one time.

Jack pulls back, having to see his fiancé’s beautiful face. He’s still smiling uncontrollably when he kisses Bitty.

“Our first kiss as an engaged couple,” Jack remarks against Bitty’s lips.

“Mm. Feels good,” Bitty replies, kissing Jack again.

Jack can’t stop kissing Bitty now that he’s started. He’s getting lightheaded with it, or he already was lightheaded and this is making it worse. Or maybe lightheaded is the wrong word and he’s simply giddy, elated. Floating on cloud nine.

“I made dinner,” Jack has to remind himself eventually.

“First dinner as an engaged couple,” Bitty parrots.

Bitty spends all dinner glancing down at the ring on his finger, and Jack spends most of it with his eyes on Bitty. He doesn’t eat much because his body is clogged up with other emotions, but they finish the bottle of wine between them and fall into bed clumsily entwined and so in love.

Jack waits until Bitty’s fallen asleep to thank Senor Bun again for his blessing.

7

“Then the realization that so much had happened after that meeting made her feel incredibly lucky suddenly. It was so easy for a man and woman to find each other, to find someone who would do, but for her to have found Carol– […].”
Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt

the signs as summer
  • Aries: Heat waves and dried out fields filled with crickets and dragonflies. Trees whisper in the wind, gray clouds roll over, and birds fly over silently. There's enough static electricity in the air to feel it.
  • Taurus: The smell of flowers is heavy in the air and lightning bugs blink in the sky as it fades from orange and pink to purple to blue and finally black. The grass is cool and you sleep with the window open.
  • Gemini: Golden hour turns your surroundings to solid gold. Your eyes sparkle and you friend's hair glows in the setting sun. Hands still sticky with ice cream you can't help but to smile and laugh.
  • Cancer: Peaches, plums, and blueberries, bees buzz around you, but they mean no harm. Life seems just as sweet laying on a picnic blanket with your best friend staring at the clouds.
  • Leo: The smell of sunscreen and sun bleached hair, the salt spray from the ocean stings your eyes and the lull of ocean waves calms you. The sun rises from it's bed of clouds and embraces the earth for yet another day.
  • Virgo: Eyes squinting in the sun as it slowly sets and skin turned the slightest hint of red. The hollow sound of a wooden boardwalk and a sundress blown about in the breeze. The smell of good food and sounds of laughter fill the air.
  • Libra: Driving around town with the windows open; hair wind blown, cheeks flushed, music playing loud, and a smile to make your face hurt. The smell of fresh air and taste of ripe fruit, you hope you never reach your destination.
  • Scorpio: The view of a city from the hills above, the lights glow and motorcycle engines blare on unseen highways. The stars poke their holes in the fabric of the night sky and the earth beneath your feet is dry, you know things no one else does.
  • Sagittarius: The sky is forever twilight as a fire burns on the shore of a lake known only to you and your friends. You take turns jumping and pushing each other into the water. Laughing, screaming, yelling you hope the night never ends.
  • Capricorn: Empty soccer fields and deserted shopping centers. The world feels devoid of people under the lamps of parking lots and broken scoreboards. You drown yourself in the fluorescent lighting of the also empty grocery store.
  • Aquarius: Late night walks in quiet neighborhoods, the few illuminated houses give you glimpses into lives other than your own. Animals rustle in the bushes and you go home to stare at your ceiling fan and play music to fill your mind.
  • Pisces: Warm days still spent inside, you rest your head in your arms in the sill of an open window. You simply watch the earth as it moves in every way imaginable. Someone you love is laying in your bed, their breath barely audible as they sleep. You wouldn't dare disturb them and your heart aches for them.

adlethstillio  asked:

Hi Wil- Checking in again. Because reasons. I still feel like I'm losing this battle with my brain, so I'll be checking myself into a hospital for a few days at the suggestion of my therapist. Thank you so much for all you've done you get me this far. (Seriously those answers are gold!) Now it's up to me to find a way through the rest of this. To anyone reading, please don't forget: depression lies. My brain is telling me I'm better off dead, and knowing how wrong that is is important.

Thanks for checking in. You’re doing the right thing, listening to your therapist and taking care of yourself. Remember: you aren’t weak, you’re sick, and that’s what hospitals are for. Please check in with me again, when you’re discharged, okay? And thank you for so bravely sharing your experience in public. You’re helping people in ways you don’t even know.

softly; because we are screaming

s12e14: The Raid. Episode Coda.

Dean sits on his bed.

Usually, with shit like this happening, he’d want to move. Stress clean, buy groceries, go for a drive. Instead, he sits, a lead weight in his stomach keeping him in place. Guilt, but not. There’s an edge of sadness to it that is making his throat hurt, that has him try and find comfort in his room, his one and only safe space. Disappointment, then. But worse.

He’s disappointed with himself.

Dean’s been trying not to feel that way. Really, fuck, all the way back home he’s been trying so hard—he had to forgive Ma-his mom, she was right and he was. Was not. He shouldn’t feel disappointed with himself that he’d apologized. She’s their mom and that’s more important than how Dean’s stupid fragile feelings were hurt. Except, every time he repeats that to himself the lead weight gets heavier.

He’d tried, all through dinner. Fuck, did he try. They’re a family and families eat together. But the food just didn’t wanna go down. As if there were still words locked in his throat, words of hurt and accusation, and they were in the way. The more he tried to get past them, the harder it got to talk. Like his insides were torn between heaving it all up and keeping everything inside. He’d played it off as just being tired, and Sam and their mom had shared that look. Like they were bonding over their mutual exasperation over Dean’s juvenile avoidance strategies. Plotting behind his back over how they’re gonna work to make Dean more civilized, make him see reason.

Like planning to take out entire species is fucking civilized behavior.

And now he’s being unfair. But still. Or, hell, maybe Dean’s just plain wrong about this and they’re right. Somehow. At least that’d fit the pattern.

Dean puts his face in his hands. Rubs his temples, swallows his spit. His throat feels stuffed.

There’s light on in his room and his door is closed and the sheets he’s sitting on are fresh and soft. Sometimes, concentrating on these things helps a bit. Dean focuses on breathing slow and into his stomach. He kind of wishes Cas were here. Talking doesn’t help shit when you’re not heard.

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anonymous asked:

Hello, lovely Kat! I absolutely love your writing and I hope it's not too much of a bother, but can I ask about any of your head canons for Minato? For some reason I've just been in a very Minato-y mood, and I thought some inspiration might do me some good. If you don't want to that's fine! I understand your busy. I hope you have a lovely day XD

- What a Dork.

- Has no Chill ever at all. 

- So bad at naming things. SO bad. 

- Once stayed up for over 100 hours to read as many books as he could from the library and started hallucinating. 

- Once they rebuilt that section of the library he was permanently denied access.

- Rin makes most of her pocket money smuggling books out for him. 

- Highkey terrifying but doesn’t really realize it? 

- Forgetful

- Only not? 

- Can remember that one detail of an obscure jutsu that he read in the dark while insanely sleep deprived and dosed with like ten cups of espresso

- But not what he ate for dinner last night

- Sexual orientation is badassery 

- Romantic Idiot™

- He tries hard, but it usually ends in disaster.

- Spent most of the Academy planning out his wedding to whatever pretty powerful person he was in love with that week.

- Is always very Earnest about it and never means it any less no matter how many people he’s crushing on at once. 

- Is most of the reason why Jiraiya’s hair is white

- Jiraiya did nothing to deserve this okay

- (Tsunade and Orochimaru laugh For Days.)

- Taught himself Hiraishin at 13. 

- This should probably have been a Sign. 

- Jiriaya missed it, so it’s all his own fault that he’s Suffering. 

- Clearly, listening to Minato babble about his crushes is totally karma for Jiraiya inflicting his crushes on Orochimaru. 

- Originally wanted to be Hokage because the Hokage has access to all of the forbidden scrolls.

- Yes, he’s that much of a Nerd.