don't push him away

Roasting me is ineffective because you can’t tell me worse things than I already think of myself.
—  707
More Patater Family!AU

Follow-up to this post. Last thoughts on the Patater family for tonight because I realize I’m going overboard with this buT LAWD i love them so much

I imagine that even with how involved Kent and Tater tries to be in their kid’s life, there are just some moments that they will miss because of how much they have to travel. Their son understands; his parents more than make up for it when they come home and he knows they love him a whole bunch but it still sucks sometimes to only talk to them through Skype for weeks at a time. Like in third grade when he made it to the final rounds of his school’s Spelling Bee, but lost at the end, he really wished that his Pa was there to tell him he did a good job, or to see his Dad in the front row probably trying to stifle his backseat coaching because “Kenny, is spelling, you cannot coach. That is actually cheating.” Like yeah, they always do the thing with the matching suits and accessories whenever they go to Back to School Night, and Karen from the PTA basically wants to slaughter Kent for dissing her baking skills, but he’d rather have that than walking home alone from school to an emptyish house (nanny is there) for weeks at a time.

Every single time, the regular season pretty much coincides with the annual school play, and ok, their son doesn’t really care about the play. He’s playing a tree that says about five lines total, but looking in the dark at the parents and not seeing his blows a lot more than he’d expected. When the play is over and they all stand in a line to bow, the lights turn on and suddenly, amidst the clapping and cheering, he hears a familiar accent yelling, “That’s my son!! You see! The third tree!” And their son notices the two figures in the very back, still in hockey jerseys and looking pretty frazzled, are Kent and Tater, who’d immediately jumped in the car post-game interview (tbh Tater only said “I have to go to my son’s play I am sorry maybe next time!!! Ask Zimmboni questions he was very good!!!” and Kent just straight up walked out). Kent and Tater are the first parents to rush forward to collect their kid and are extremely alarmed when their son barrels towards the two of them, crying because he missed them. Tater raves about how convincing he was as a talking tree and Kent wipes the tears away and gives a bunch of gross cheek kisses like he did when he was in first grade. (Headcanon that Kent calls their son Tater Tot and does kid-friendly chirps while giving said kisses.)

BONUS: All the parents in the auditorium are turning their heads and you hear the crowd whispering excitedly as they recognize Kent and Tater in their jerseys. Except for Karen, who glares at Kent for a full minute while Kent narrows his eyes and look highly unimpressed.   

Ughhhh. The creepy cowboy guy is here again this summer, and he’s kind of fixated on me. Again.

Last summer, he was a sixteen year old counselor-in-training, who spoke with an affected cowboy drawl and had no sense of personal space. Two days after meeting him, he took me aside and said, “Ship, I’ve been looking for the perfect companion, and I think I’ve found him. It’s you.” He then told me how he wanted someone to live with him in a cabin in Alaska for a few months so that we could fly a biplane through the Northern Lights and hunt together. I obviously turned him town, as this was either the beginning to a weird porno or a slasher movie, and also because he was 16 and I’m not allowed to have any contact with him outside camp.

He’s baaaaaack. The first thing he did was find me. Serves me right, wearing the same recognizable hat. Anyway, every time he catches sight of me, he starts changing “Dark Lord Ship! Dark Lord Ship! Eater of souls!” and then laughing chummily and patting me on the back like it’s the wittiest joke in the world. “I’m never gonna let you forget that,” he says, every time.

“You and literally the entire rest of camp,” I say wearily, every time.

Last night he came up to me, gripped my shoulders, and announced that he’d be 18 soon and will be a counselor next year. “You *have* to come back. Bigfoot will be our unit director, and you will be my co. You and I! Co-counselors! Can you imagine it?!”

“I’m not sure I’ll be back next summer,” I said. “And if I am, I probably won’t be a cabin counselor.”

“No. You and I are going to be cos. Shake on it. Swear it.”

“What? No, I can’t–”

He then grabbed my arm, wrenched my hand out, and shook it violently. “There! No take backs. You’re bound by sacred honor now.”

“Physically forcing me to shake your hand isn’t honorable,” I said, trying to discreetly wipe his slime off on my jacket. “I definitely don’t think that counts.”

“It definitely does. I’ll find you if you go back on your promise. I can’t contact you on social media yet, but I can still find you!”

Great, now I’ve got a teenage cowboy with no boundaries potentially stalking me. Why am I a magnet for weird people?

Velour Dialogue
Fire Emblem: Fates
Velour Dialogue

For two anons!

*KICKS DOWN DOOR* FLANNEL I’M TAKING YOUR DAUGHTER AWAY AND ADOPTING HER. She is absolutely precious. SHE USES “MAMA” AND “PAPA” that’s super cute points +51500. Disclaimers as per usual.

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anonymous asked:

"It's fine, Peter," Nellie sounds as if she's rolling her eyes solely through voice control. "It's nothing at work, or anything like that, I'm just stretching myself a little thin. I'll be all right." She adjusts herself in the bed and dares to open her eyes. She can practically see how stale the air is in here. The ceiling lights burn her eyes and she turns. That's worse, though, because now she can see Peter. He looks so torn, probably anxious to get out of here. She sighs; "don't worry."