don't look at the tags they give the answer away

soapieturner  asked:

Modern Theonsa. He takes talk like a pirate day VERY seriously. It's almost a national holiday.

Sansa Stark may be a serious woman, one who wore pantsuits and breathed PowerPoint presentations, but she had not married a serious man. After all, Theon had tricked her into naming their daughter Gray Greyjoy when she was still high on painkillers. So she should not have been surprised when he showed up at the law office where she was up for partner in an eyepatch, a pirate hat and their daughter dressed as a parrot in her baby bjorn.

A parrot with an eyepatch, Sansa realized, as Theon pushed through the glass doors into her office.

“Ahoy! I ‘ave yer files,” Theon said, pulling the folder she’d forgotten on the kitchen table from the diaper bag on his shoulder and sliding it across the desk to her.

“Thank you,” Sansa said, fighting a smile. It’s not that she minded the costume. In fact, she liked it more than she’d admit. It’s just that usually he kept the pirate costume in the bedroom. At least he was wearing pants.

“Yer welcome.”

She leaned back in her desk chair and raised an eyebrow. “You know this is a business, right?” She had to ask. After all, his job as a model-slash-actor had never been particularly lucrative and she’d been paying their bills even before Theon had “retired” to be a stay at home dad. Not that she minded. She liked that he had passion, that he had big (if unrealistic) dreams. And she liked that he was always home at the end of the day waiting for her, not miserable and stressed, ready to distract her from the daily grind.

“Ye be knowin’ ‘tis talk like a Pirate day, aye?” Theon raised his eyebrow that wasn’t obscured by his eyepatch. “But me lady needed her spreadsheets.”

Sansa couldn’t help but smile, even if her coworkers were sure to ask why her thirty-five year old husband was cosplaying as Captain Hook. “Thank you for obliging me, Captain.”

“Anything for such a comely wench.”

Theon did a little bow, and Sansa’s eyes fixed on Gray’s face for the first time. Of course Theon was wearing thick eyeliner. The whole Pirate Sexcapades Thing had started when they’d just begun living together and Theon had come home from his dayjob – working as the entertainment at kid’s parties – dressed as Jack Sparrow. Of course, after the whole domestic abuse scandal Theon had started dressing as a much more generic pirate. But the eyeliner had stayed. But Sansa had not expected her nine-month-old daughter to be wearing such thick eye makeup.

“Theon, you can’t put makeup on a baby! Not unless you want child services to take her away!”

Sansa reached into her purse for her makeup bag, properly annoyed now.

“'tis talk like a Pirate day!” Theon protested.

“Parrots don’t even wear eyeliner!” Sansa sighed, realizing as soon as she said it that technically, pirates probably didn’t wear eyeliner either. They were just dirty. But that was besides the point! At least her mother wasn’t here to give her that smug I-told-you-your-husband-was-a-dirtbag look.