I gave you something for your birthday that meant nothing and it was the giving that meant the world.
Lately I’ve been taking and I don’t know how to stop so I’ve been giving apologies back from my insides like I’m an apple tree. I know you only eat the ones that fall naturally. I don’t know how to be natural, I’m rotting and it’s tearing me up inside. I’m not growing anymore, I’m spilling at the seams and I don’t deserve to be here. You deserve more than the organ filled mess of me that you always clean up.
I’m sorry, is what this means. I wish guilt washes away. It was me that smashed the world. It was me that smashed the giving. It was me that smashed a heart.
I’ve forgotten what wholeness looks like. I’m terrified I’m going to hurt you if you stand on my pieces.