don't get me started on how hard this show is to colour

Harry's interview on Quotidien
  • I: Can you hear me?
  • H: Yes
  • I: Welcome to Paris!
  • H: Thank you
  • I: How are you? Can you answer in French?
  • H: Good! A little bit. A tiny bit. Très bien et toi ?(very good and you?)
  • I: Very good, thank you. We start our interviews with “can you give us your five favourites words in English or French. Or a French sentence”. Someone told me you knew a French sentence.
  • H: Comment vous faites un café si délicieux? (How do you make such a delicious coffee?)
  • I: OK, that’s good.
  • H: That’s all I have.
  • I: Do you say it very often?
  • H: No... Yes
  • I: What does France mean to you? Is it something, someone etc...?
  • H: Best people I’ve known... I think her, *shows a fan* I guess. Fabien Barthez.
  • I: Yes, Fabien Barthez. Harry, you’re 23 years old and you’re one of the best known pop-star in the world. Everybody has expectations with your new album and single Sign Of The Times. Why did you choose that song? This is not what people were expecting.
  • H: I think I wanted to.. I've always liked music that made me feel something. You know I think writing it I could feet something I wanted to bring it out. I think it's a good indicator for me of what the album is to me. That's why I wanted to go with that first.
  • I: Billboard wrote that the single was "one of the more ambitious opening statements in pop this decade". Not bad, isn't it?
  • H: Thanks!
  • I: Do you have friends working at Billboard?
  • H: I don't know anyone at Billboard.
  • I: When we listen to the song we think of David Bowie, Queen, who else did you think of?
  • H: I mean, I think everyone, anything, any song you've ever listened to growing up or throughout your life or you've enjoyed, inspired you. There are a lot of different things. I wanted to just write and see what came out. I didn't know what I sounded like to make an album. So this process was as interesting for me as I think it will be for people listening to the album for the first time.
  • I: Do you know French singers other than Serge Gainsbourg? That's a tricky question.
  • H: I know Woodkid. He directed my music video.
  • I: Why him?
  • H: I think his videos are amazing, he's a really talented guy and I love French people so I worked with him.
  • I: When you're in Spain, do you say that you love Spanish people?
  • H: No!
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy...
  • H: Great tie.
  • I: You think so? It's French.
  • H: It's not a Spanish tie, isn't it?
  • I: Can I see your loafer? Oh yes! What is the brand? That's not French, isn't it? It's Italian.
  • H: No.
  • I: That's from the European Union!
  • H: Probably yeah.
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy for you, is it true?
  • H: Was what simple?
  • I: Your life, everybody wants a life like yours, with One Direction...
  • H: I mean, I feel very lucky to be able to make music, I feel very lucky to be able to make this, I feel very lucky today being in France and performing my song. I love this song. I can't complain.
  • I: What were the unpleasant things?
  • H: *thinking*
  • I: I don't know, say only one thing.
  • H: I think when you care so much about something, it's hard to get to the point where you feel like it's finished and it feels like you're adding and it never ends and it adds up. So I think the hardest part was getting into that point and be like "ok that's finished."
  • I: You said to the Rolling Stone magazine that most of the album was inspired by a woman. Really?
  • H: No I think, honestly, the album is much more about me than it is about anyone else. I think if I said the album is about a woman it kind of feels like, I don't know, I put a lot of work into this. I don't feel like it revolves around woman. It's a lot about me and things I've never said before. It's more about me.
  • I: How did you start with a boy band and end with a solo career? Is it complicated?
  • H: It's been a lot of fun. You know we were very lucky to get to do some amazing things and at the moment in our lives, we're in a time where everyone is trying their own thing and have a good time. It's been amazing to see everyone doing their own thing as well. If I can do as well as the others, it'd be amazing.
  • I: Do you call them everyday or text them? Do you use What's app?
  • H: I don't have that.
  • I: Why?
  • H: Yes we talk, absolutely. And everyone is bringing stuff out. It's been a lot going on. It's been a good time.
  • I: This is the album cover! Can you describe it? Why did you choose this picture?
  • H: Yeah. So, I don't know. I worked with photographer Harley Weir, I'm a massive fan of her work. And that's amazing and I was lucky enough to work with her. I felt like this was what I wanted.
  • I: Why is it pink? Why the water? Why your back? Why? It's beautiful but why is it pink?
  • H: I don't know, man!
  • I: Really? You don't know?
  • H: I don't know. I don't think I want...
  • I: Apparently pink is Rock'n'roll's colour.
  • H: Apparently so. I don't know. I think it means something to me and if it means anything to anyone else, I wouldn't want to take away from that by explaining it. I think the cool thing about stuff like photos and art is you can just leave it. You don't have to explain it.
  • I: Everybody sees what they want to see.
  • H: Yes exactly.
  • I: Have you seen this?
  • *video of people reacting to Harry's single*
  • I: Your fans record themselves while listening to the song for the first time. You can hear relevant analysis and apparently they all really liked it. Do you read what people say about you on social media? On Youtube, Twitter, Instagram? Do you use Instagram?
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit.
  • *The public disagrees with Harry*
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit. I mean I wish everyone was having as good time as the girl who was like that with her hands. That's what I do when I listen to the song.
  • I: Are you the one using your Instagram? Do you use your own fingers or someone else does it for you?
  • H: Yes, I do mine.
  • I: Do you still vote in Redditch?
  • H: In?
  • I: Redditch!
  • H: That's where I was born?
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I don't live in Redditch.
  • I: So you don't vote there. Where did you vote?
  • H: London, yeah.
  • I: What do you think of the Brexit? Welcome to Europe!
  • H: Thank you very much, thanks. I mean, I don't really comment on politics. To me, anything that brings people together is better than things that pull people apart. That's ... yeah.
  • I: Yet, you are in favour of equality of rights, men, women, gay people, straight people... That's politics.
  • H: I don't know. It doesn't feel like politics. I think stuff like equality feels much more fundamental. I feel like everyone is equal. That doesn't feel like politics to me.
  • I: Your fans are fetishists. They know all of your tattoos, piece of jewellery, they have heart attacks when you cut your hair. Right now you're playing with their feelings. Do you know that?
  • H: Oh ok.
  • I: Yes! What is your favourite tattoo?
  • H: I think... I have a.. probably. I don't know, actually.
  • I: Which one is the latest?
  • H: The latest is this one there. *shows Arlo* And this one. *shows Jackson*
  • I: Jackson? All of them?
  • H: Yes.
  • I: What's the story behind your haircut? How much did you spend on hair products with One Direction?
  • H: Yeah, like a lot. I used a lot, yeah.
  • I: You're in Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new movie.
  • H: Yes.
  • I: How did you do?
  • H: I auditioned.
  • I: Look at you there.
  • H: I am, that's me.
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I auditioned and it was great. It's going to be a really cool movie.
  • I: Harry, it feels like we know you since you're a baby. The whole world discovered you in 2010 on X Factor.
  • *video of Harry's X Factor audition*
  • I: You auditioned alone but Simon Cowell had an idea... he put you in a band with Zayn, Louis, Liam and Niall. You became One Direction. You found the name One Direction and you sold millions of albums. One Direction are soon considered as the new Beattles and you filled the biggest stadiums. The whole world was talking about you. When you go out we prayed for your eardrums. You became UK's pride. David Cameron is in one of your music videos, your sang for the Queen. But in 2015... bang! Zayn left the band, fans couldn't get over it. But don't worry, their favourite is now on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine, he's in Christopher Nolan's new movie, he's Mick Jagger on SNL... What you don't know is that we've met in 2012. You were in France to promote an album and now I have questions. First one! When you're in a car and fans are all around you, do you see that?
  • *video of fans around a car*
  • H: I think I've actually lost my shoe there. When I got in the car... I got in the car and I was like "how many shoes do I have?" Yes I lost my shoe.
  • I: I have another question! Do you still do that before going on stage?
  • *video of Harry and Lou*
  • I: Can we do it?
  • H: No.
  • *does it anyway*
  • I: What is the weirdest question someone asked you?
  • H: I think it was actually a French interview. I got asked if I would pee in a sink... Yeah.
  • I: Ok, that's weird!
  • H: It was the first question, the first question.
  • I: It puts you in the mood.
  • H: Yeah.
  • I: What is the question you never want to be asked ever again? Did I asked you that question?
  • *Harry asks the public*
  • H: Which one? Oh crush.
  • I: What?
  • H: Crush.
  • I: Oh ok. I didn't ask it! Did you know that a French author wrote a novel about you. It's called "Styles", it's about his obsession with you. It's in French. You can translate it.
  • H: Oh! Is that true?
  • I: Yes it's true. He dedicated to you. It's called "Styles" and it's a really good book. Read it!
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Thank you very much Harry Styles for coming tonight. His first eponymous album comes out on the 12th May. Thank you Harry Styles.
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Have a safe journey home.
12th House
  • The 12th house is very personal, and secluded. This is the house of secrets and hidden personalities. The signs, planets and asteroids residing here are internalised, and reside deep inside who they are. It takes people we trust the most to unlock them, and if someone does they explode like fireworks with profound energy and warmth. Unleashing the 12th house is like a private festival of emotions.
  • Sun in 12th: Someone with this placement hides their ego and self from almost everyone. They may come across as very shy and timid, as well as introverted. If this person opens up to you, you learn that there's confidence underneath the layers of quiet retreat.
  • Moon in 12th: Their emotions are hidden from view. They may be likely to take on everyone else's burdens because they never show they have any of their own. They feel so intensely when alone in their thoughts, and it can be scary for them sometimes. If they open up to you, it's a truly special thing. Their emotions and feelings are like the start of a new ink cartridge: powerful in colour, abundant when written out.
  • Mercury in 12th: They find it very hard to communicate, and probably only feel properly able to to very close friends or online where they can think about their responses. They'll pick texting over verbal confrontation any day. Speeches and arguments are exceptionally hard for them. Midnight conversations with them are beautiful, deep, and unique.
  • Venus in 12th: Love is a hidden gem. They don't often just give their heart to someone. Sometimes they may feel like they should, so can seemingly force themselves into crushes or flirting, but soon withdraw as they realise it doesn't make them happy. Love for them happens in the quiet of their mind, and the arms of their lover, rather than in the public eye. They are also lovers of poetry, reading, and artistic forms which make them think of how they feel themselves.
  • Mars in 12th: They hate to argue a lot. They'd rather work things out without stress or heated emotion. They're also very reserved in sexual affairs, preferring usually to keep the bedroom to serious relationships. If you ever get that far, you'll learn they're deep and intense. This placement may lash out when alone, and will pent up how they feel a lot like Moon in 12th, except it'll usually come out aggressively when alone.
  • Saturn in 12th: They feel so restricted inside. They make their own walls and barriers with their feelings and deeper selves that can stress them out and give them intense worries and stresses. They always feel the need to regulate their dreams and fears, often calling their deeper emotions irrational. Positively, they may tend to hide less of themselves from people.
  • Jupiter in 12th: These individuals no know boundaries deep within them. What they keep inside out of public view is a deep pool of emotion and dreams. They may be extensive dreamers, whether when asleep or awake. Sometimes their fears and anxieties are so strong, they aren't sure how to regulate and manage them.
  • Neptune in 12th: Extreme dreamers. They can often suffer from delusional thoughts of their fears, or being over anxious of parts of life. Neptune is at home here, and is free to gloss over and shroud whatever it wants in mystery and illusion. Someone with this placement may worry and overthink intensely, but never let this out into the open.
  • Uranus in 12th: These people want to revolutionise and change things, but feel unable to do so. They aren't sure how to project their want your change into the world. They can also want to change themselves a lot, and may manifest through several inner mentalities quite quickly to try and align themselves more with their life situations.
  • Pluto in the 12th: Destructive of their inner selves. They constantly change up who they are inside, sometimes without even wanting to. What is hidden inside them is a ball in a china shop. You may find they hide away their emotions on secret blogs or journals. The things they hard away from friends are often intense, which makes it even harder for them to open up.

mafia!EXO reaction when they get overprotective & jealous

(requested by anon: Could you do a mafia!au with exo when they get overprotective just like you did with bts?)

BTS version

warnings: smut, violence, swearing, dominant-submissive behaviour

You’re new to the gang and you’re already great with everyone except the leader. You didn’t talk to him much because you were scared of him as he was very short-tempered and dangerous. That’s why you were sort of submissive towards him and he adored it.. secretly. You would continue to be scared of him and not talk to him if a guy didn’t approach you today and if that didn’t trigger the leader..


Sehun

He leaned against the wall, staring at you two. As your eyes met Sehun’s dark ones, Sehun lost it. He walked furiously over and punched the guy couple of times. You got up and moved Sehun away calming him down, as the guy went away. „Oppa please don't“ you whispered as you hugged him while he tried pushing past you. That finally calmed him down so he hugged you but he was still glaring at the guy. „Nobody touches you or comes near you except me. No. One.“ he growled into your ear.


Chanyeol

His anger was rising but he managed to control it and just glare at you two. The guy went away so you got up and as you turned you almost kissed Chanyeol how close he was. „Is it fun to piss me off?“ he said as you gave him a puzzled look. He grabbed your wrist roughly and pulled you into his „office“. He placed you on the table so that he was between your legs. He grabbed your neck softly and pulled you closer. „Let me show you what else is fun“ he said while rubbing his dick against your jeans.


Baekhyun

As you started talking to the guy he stopped all of his actions and focused only on you. You felt his gaze on you and it sent a shiver down your spine. You excused yourself from the guy and went over to Baek. Since he was sitting on the sofa looking at the guy with a creepy, killer look you knew it was best to calm him down before he really kills someone. You sat on him so that you straddled him and you hugged him playing with the end of his hair. He eventually stopped staring and hugged you back tightly.


Kai

He was super irritated and he didn’t mind showing it. „Yah, move away from her before I lose my damn temper“ he yelled at the guy who was dumbfounded. But since the words came from the leader he went away immediately. You walked over to Kai who was looking deeply into your eyes. You placed your hands on his chest and fixed his some-sort-of-a-suits collar. „I’d like it more if you took that off in my bedroom rather than fix it right now“ he said with an amused, dark expression.


Lay

You knew one of his „signs“ which showed he was on the edge. And that sign happened, he wiped his lips and his pupils became larger, darker. „I think you should go now“ you whispered to the boy who listened to you and went away. You reached Lay and moved your look away from his because that was the best thing to do now. „He was so cute even I wanted to bite him.. and tear his limbs off“ he spitted it out almost. „But I don’t wanna do that.. Instead I want to bite you. In my bed with you naked“


Suho

He was having a calm posture but he was far from calm. He didn’t want you to see his bad side. He went back to his „office“ and sat patiently waiting for you to show up. You entered a few minutes after and turned around to close the doors. Just as you were about to turn around he pressed you against the door, pressing his dick roughly against you. „I promised myself I won’t show you my bad, dangerous side.. but you won’t escape it now“


Kyungsoo

As he started biting his inner lip you knew it wasn’t good. Plus he’s been staring for a few minutes now with his famous i-will-fucking-kill-you look. „Sorry I have to go to oppa“ you said startling the guy. You came up to him and stood in front of him while he just sat and watched you angrily. He pulled your arm fiercely so you were on his level. „You don’t know how close I was to taking you to my office and spanking your bratty ass a million and one fucking time“


Xiumin

He gave the guy an obviously unamused look so he went away. He pulled you into his „office“. „You really have a terrible taste in men you know?“ you were unamused so you were your cocky self. „That’s right. That’s why I fell for your stupidass“ Instantly his posture changed and his eye colour got darker. „What did you just say to me?“ his breathing got low. „Better apologise now and I might go easy on you“ he grabbed your ass really hard making you cry out. „Suppose you like it rough. How lucky, me too“


Chen

You noticed his deadly look a bit too late. He got to him already and started punching him. „You know she’s mine you brat“ he yelled at him. You were shook but you had to calm him down. „Chen“ you said as you moved him away but with almost no success, he was so god damn strong. „Chen!“ you yelled while burying yourself into his chest to distract him. His breathing and death glares have gradually faded and he hugged you back, kissing your forehead.


Luhan  

He lost it the second the guy came up to you. „Aish you bastard“ he was walking furiously towards him. He was almost unstoppable. He punched him so many times the guys had to move him away as well as the other guy. You were angry at him but you had to calm him down now. You came up to him and touched his hands which were stained with a bit of blood. „I’m gonna lose my god damn mind because of you“ he said complaining. „Yah you’re the one who is guilty for this mess“ you said angrily. He came to you inches apart from you face. „One more time have a bratty attitude, you won’t be able to walk for a fucking week“


Kris

He was just glaring intensely. It became quite uncomfortable so you wanted to leave. „I will leave now. Talk to you later“ you nodded and left towards the angry leader. You weren’t the type to provoke people but Kris got quite on your nerves. Lately he has been so cold to you but now no one can approach you. „If you really cared about me so much you’d be nicer to me“ „Do you want me to show you how nice and good I can be?“ he said just a bit above the whisper with an amused, dark look.


Tao

He’d just stare and glare until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He came up to you and led you out on the fresh, cold air. „Tao it’s cold, I wanna go in“ you said trembling. „No. You’re not going amongst any guys. You’ll be only with me“ As he saw you trembling he opened his arms and unzipped his jacket. „Come here“ You hesitated but there was no such thing with Tao. He pulled you into a hug covering you with his jacket. „When I say come here I want you to listen to me. That goes for anything I say“



xx sorry for the long wait this turned out long af lol.. hope anon is satisfied, keep requesting; im writing all the other requests too dont worry ❤️  xx

Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow!

Authors Note: Since today marks Shawn’s rise back into the touring world of killing his fans with amazing performances, here is a blurb to help kickstart the tour!

Shawn Master List found HERE


Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow.

That is all that has been on Shawn’s mind for the past two weeks— That and of course, perfecting his tour rehearsal.

You know him well, underneath that façade and covering he has presented to the world is a very passionate Shawn, who is also remarkably nervous about getting on the road again.

For the last week, it has been you who has been woken to the feel of delicate kisses to your skin, stirring to the warm touch of his fingertips drawing small patterns on your skin while he whispers sweet nothings into your ear, pleasantly lulling you awake.

Today— You find yourself waking before Shawn, the dull ray of light peeking through the hotel curtains as you tug at the white comforter, trying to wrap yourself in it for its warmth. With a heavy sigh, you give up on the covers, acknowledging how Shawn’s body is holding down the comforter with no intentions of parting ways with it.

You shuffle closer to his sleeping body, his head tilted slightly to the side as he sleeps soundly on his back. You press a few luscious kisses on his smooth skin, lacing his neck with loving kisses. A muffled mumble escapes his lips, his eyes still closed. With a small giggle, you proceed to leave kisses on his surface, your fingers trailing his uncovered skin like his does yours.

He muffles another mumble, your lips parting ways with the softness of his skin, your eyes meeting his whisky coloured eyes. “mmm, hey there.” His voice is deep and sleepy, his tongue licking the edge of his lips,

“Hey,” You whisper, leaning down for a kiss, enabling him to leisurely wake up with honeyed kisses.

“It’s a big day.” He breathes with a small smile coating across his delicate lips. You nod in agreement—A lot of anticipation is likely to be boiling inside him as the day has finally arrived. The day of his first show of his second tour.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

you have witch powers? i've always been fascinated with "paranormal" stuff, including magic, so i was wondering if u could tell me stuff about it. is magic real? what kind of stuff did ur grandma do? are ghosts and spirits real too? what kinds of spells can witches cast? is it like supernatural? sorry if i'm asking a lot of questions i'm just so fascinated and curious. i didn't even know witches were like, legit until i read ur tags, i just thought that people back then said that so they had 1/2

2/2 a reason to burn a woman they didn’t like. ok now i’m rambling but in short, what can u tell me about witch stuff? i’m just asking cause i’m really curious :)

(about my tags on this)

#whenever phil gets out the tarot cards and pulls something scarily accurate i’m just like…. yes…. good…show us your witch powers…… #(my own experience with tarot? so reassuring. and calming. it’s like asking for a friend’s advice but that friend is your own brain.) #also my great grandmother was a witch by profession and i definitely got some of her magic #i have not yet learned to recognise a feeling when i feel it.. but when stuff happens later i’m like OH THAT WAS MY MYSTERIOUS FEELING #one of our sheep died a week or so ago.. and for two days straight i was outside in the middle of the night staring at the moon #and wondering why i felt death in the air #and the rain made me cry and it felt like release but i didn’t know why #and i immediately started worrying about our sheep but didn’t follow up to see if they were okay #then two days later my mother comes in and tells me one of our sheep died and two days ago had given my mother “the death look” #if you’ve never seen someone or something die… there’s this look they have that’s like a disgraced peacefulness and self-awareness #but basically i knew the sheep was gonna die without any reason for me to think that #and i need to learn to follow up on my instincts because they’re ever-present and i never know when it’s a psychic thing or random anxiety #disclaimer: IS IT ALL BULLSHIT who knows? but science doesn’t know a whole lot about a lot of things and this stuff is natural to me #so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

okay!! i was expecting someone to ask, so here goes. (in case anyone’s wondering, this is a personal post, and no, i’m not making this stuff up.) (feel free to reblog if you want. but it’s so goddamn long aaah)

first off, an opinion: whether or not you believe magic is real in this world is entirely related to whether or not it is real. at least in my books. magic/paramormal stuff can always be observed, but if you don’t believe it’s anything beyond coincidence or skilled trickery, it’s not gonna impact you.

i do believe in ghosts (or djinns, or something else human-like), but in my experience they don’t really do anything except exist in some other realm and occasionally become visible when i’m at my most lucid, at that point between waking and sleeping. most people (myself included) would say it’s just a hallucination. but like…. who’s to say it isn’t real, just in a way we as humans don’t yet understand? y’know?

the most interesting ghost sighting i’ve experienced was when i was fully awake, not hallucinating. i was in a car with my sister, my sister’s friend, and her mother - and we drove over a bridge, and i saw a fritzing semi-translucent black figure walking along the peak. i looked back and it was gone. it wasn’t scary, it was just really cool. i saw that with my own two eyes, i have zero doubt i saw it, and for that moment, it was there.

other times i’ve seen things pass through walls, or felt presences in the room that vanish when i look. i get deja vu maybe once a week. the ability comes and goes in phases, switched on and off whenever i tell someone about it. it’s like that part of my brain gets really shy and goes into hiding when it’s mentioned.

sometimes it can be pretty powerful. there’ve been moments when a deja vu begins, i remember it from a dream, fast-forward through the memory to remember what happens, and i get ahead of present time, so i predict what’s in front of me by about one to three seconds. usually it’s snippets of conversation, or my hands moving to complete an action, or words i’m typing. (let me tell you, it’s so freaking bizarre when you’re consciously typing, thinking about what you’re typing, and simultaneously remembering typing it before, and knowing what you’re about to type despite not yet knowing. and then seeing it happen. i think a lot of people reading this would be like “what?” but i know there’s someone out there who knows exactly what i mean)

for a long time in my teenage years i told people i’d see coloured figures, like auras without physical people, just hanging around out there in the world, but due to health issues a lot of my teenage memories are gone, and the only memory i have of that stuff is the recollection of me telling people about it, and remembering it while telling people. it’s really weird. i sometimes think maybe i made that up?? but i don’t understand why i’d do that when i do actually see other things sometimes.

once, my family visited this old historic building, and i remember seeing a woman in a maid’s outfit duck through a doorway. but she wasn’t actually there. so. idk.

my great-grandmother (or great-great grandmother?) on my mother’s side used to sell love spells to the people in her Indian village. my mother told me about it when i was little. my [great] great grandmother would write a spell on parchment, and the client had to go home and burn it in their fire. and she would curse people, in exchange for payment. that’s all i know about that. but my grandmother (also on my mother’s side) used to have some kind of power, i never got to ask about it while she was still alive. (she was an awesome woman. one of the first women in her country and generation to go to university.)

personally, having been raised as a muslim, i always felt really disconnected from the culture and practices of the religion, even though i believe in the supernatural aspects of it right down to my core. that’s despite my ultimate acknowledgement of facts being deeply rooted in hard science. recently (like, in the past few months) i’ve started to rediscover my faith - directly following on from a quiet interest in the pinterest & instagram aesthetics of paganism and new age magic, which as a concept i was never really sure about. i just really liked how it looked. basically, it clicked in my brain that islamic prayers could, in essence, just be spells. you gotta take everything with a grain of salt. they might not work. but that’s the beauty of it.

a few weeks ago i stumbled across a prayer on tumblr, and read its intended purpose: “Allah will grant whoever recites this seven times in the morning or evening whatever he desires from this world or the next”.

and… i started to think, maybe the purpose is not to actually do that. nothing ought to be a get-out-of-jail-free/do-this-and-your-life-is-made type thing. maybe the purpose is to make you believe nothing can go wrong. and that every bad thing that happens–? it happens so that you can learn from it. and eventually, after many things change, you realise what you desire was not the thing you thought you desired. (idk how to explain that. an example from my life: i really wanted to be a veterinarian growing up. then i got sick, dropped out of school. and now i’m a writer. i want to be a writer more than i ever wanted to be a vet. i had to get sick and my life had to fall apart before i could discover that. writing was never something i’d have considered before.)

my point is, if you believe everything that happens to you will ultimately be a good thing, bad things don’t hurt so much.

and if you take something as a sign, it’s a sign. it’s just your own brain taking hints from the world around you and using them to conjure up a decision. if you wanna believe it’s magic, it is.

personally i like protection prayers/spells and just…generally positive ones. i say prayers for sick friends, people who i see on my tumblr dash who are having a bad time, and if i see or hear about disasters or worldwide events. i’m not expecting it to have a visible impact, but like.. what’s the harm? at the very least it makes me feel like i did something if i don’t have money to give, or i can’t be there with a friend, or the world is falling apart and i’m helpless. praying or saying a spell is just hoping, really, really hard. if some greater being is out there, listening? cool. (but what if god doesn’t wanna do anything? maybe it’s like my cupcake theory. god puts the ingredients in a baking tray, shoves it in the oven, forgets about it. the universe rises as a cupcake. god made it. but the universe is doing its own damn thing.)

regarding tarot cards: again, it’s self-reflection. you can believe answers come from outside influences, but it’s easily just as much about interpreting generic advice and making it mean something to you. but personally i’ve drawn random cards, and known that no other card in the deck would’ve been as relevant at that moment. i’ve used tarot cards to determine the endings for my stories, and coincidentally pulled cards that directly represent my title characters.

one time i was thinking about my fic “The Moonlighter and the Magician” and the card i pulled first was The Magician. and i was like gee thanks tarot cards that’s helpful. (but actually? it meant those cards were on the same wavelength as me. think about it. 78 cards, there’s a one in 78 chance i pull that one on my first try.)

apart from my wonky first-ever tarot readings with the Rider-Waite travel-size tarot deck (which belonged to my mother), i’ve never pulled anything that didn’t eventually make sense. i use The Wild Unknown cards now, i relate to them so much more. plus they’re mine, not borrowed or abandoned for years, which probably helps. (buying those cards was the most money i ever spent on anything. i don’t regret it.)

is any of this like the show ‘supernatural’? not really. the closest i can say my experiences have come to the show would be the episode “faith”. just, the whole episode. it doesn’t matter if it’s the real deal, so long as it works. and boy, does it work for me. and a lot of other people.

like i said, all the spirit-like entities i’ve encountered have been perfectly benign. no monsters, except things i’m pretty sure are nightmares.

but on that note, i take a lot of things to help me sleep. if i didn’t, i’d be waking up screaming night and day (i hit whistle register while screaming, once). i see faces in the dark and creatures in my bedroom, even when my eyes are closed and i’m awake. i sleep with a light on, and i prefer to sleep in the day. i cannot even deal with the presences in my room.

for that matter, my room is definitely the most presence-heavy room in the house. now, although it’s obviously just in a drafty area, i feel the cold spots. all. the. time. i’m feeling one right now as i type this. the door and window are both closed. the heater is always on. the draft comes from the same corner of the ceiling my cat stares at when she’s “staring into space”. there’s definitely something there, but it legit doesn’t bother me. it watches me get dressed sometimes, but it’s not weird about it. like i said, benign.

i feel energy everywhere i go. i can’t stay in my family’s open plan living room comfortably for more than a few minutes, because that room is filled with people and pets coming and going all freaking day, and even when it’s empty, it’s so LOUD. there’s vibrations and voices coming out of the walls, because the house absorbs it all. as a generally tired person, that room exhausts me. i can only stay there if i have social energy. (yes, even an empty room.)

i am so, so sensitive to people’s moods and the energy they let out (to the point where i burst out screaming if i see a negative microexpression during a personal conversation). i find phone calls very difficult, not just because of social anxiety, but because i can’t sense energy as easily as i want to, and is natural for me. skype calls aren’t the same as being there in person. a lot of this could also be autism-related, but nearly everything about me is autism-related, because i’m autistic. go figure.

one time, the day i had my first period, i passed out in a maths exam. all the other times in my life, i’ve seen black or maybe red when i passed out, but this time it was a striking cobalt blue. and i heard SO MANY VOICES, i thought the whole classroom was full of people shouting. my P.E. teacher was observing that exam, she carried me out of the room and lay me on the floor outside. i told her about the voices, she looked at me in confusion and said “there were no voices?? the whole room was silent for the exam.” obviously that was a weird day, but given the amount of times i’ve lost conciousness in my life, before and after that day, i know the warm muggy feeling of slipping away, and i guarantee that one was just a little bit not-normal.

my cat Wilson follows me everywhere. if you’ve ever seen a picture of a witch and her familiar, that’s me and Wilson. she leaves the house if i leave, and she’ll walk down the road beside me to make sure i stay safe. she only lets me leave completely if i go in a car, but even then, she tries to come too. i know what she says when she talks. she speaks in words for me. it translates naturally in my head without a thinking process.

there was this one time when i was about 15 my parents took me to an after-hours medical centre because apparently i was ~speaking in tongues~ or whatever. i don’t remember it, i remember ‘waking up’ with a doctor’s flashlight in my eyes, crying, then holding my sister’s hand as we looked at the fish in the fishtank afterwards. i can’t say how legit that is because i just.. don’t remember it.

one time as a kid, i am absolutely sure i was possessed for about 30 seconds. i was walking down the street on a balmy English afternoon, pine needles scattered underfoot, with my elderly grandmother (paternal), my grandfather, and my sister. i must’ve been 6 or 7? and a streak of evil just bolted through me. and i stuck out my foot and my grandmother fell flat on her face. my grandfather tried to help her up, a car driving by pulled up and asked if they needed help, grandfather said no, and got her back to her feet. i can’t remember if i felt remorse. i think i just knew instinctively that it wasn’t me who did it. but like.. i wasn’t just A Nice Kid, okay, i was The Nicest Kid. i just don’t do things like that. ever. especially not to a kind and generous grandmother who i love so very dearly. i never had before, and i never have since. that’s the single most evil thing i’ve ever done in my life and it came out of nowhere. being more aware now, i think it was a djinn (aka a demon in christian beliefs, i think). they’re known for being mischievous. (my grandmother was fine, by the way. this is the first time i’ve told anyone about this.) now i think about it, i remember cobalt blue behind my eyes then, too.

whoops, this is a really long post now. but uh… basically, i’ve just always been open to feeling these things, and believing in what i sense for myself, without subscribing to whether or not the science has been done yet. in fact, i think i’m open to it because i experienced the same stuff when i was young. the energy i feel is very much real to me, completely tangible. i’ve never been able to see auras, but i feel them on some people. i think just being open to feeling something makes it more likely to come to you. i try not to ignore my instincts (because they’re always right. always.) but i find it’s super hard to distinguish between anxiety (which i feel often) and magical ability (which is far less commonly felt). also sometimes the instinct is so faint it doesn’t even become a passing thought, just a blur of something i half-considered. but in hindsight i realise what it ought to have been, had i paid proper attention.

i can comfortably manage to go outside in bare feet, shut my eyes and let the moonlight do its thing. it has an immensely powerful energy, i always feel cleaner inside when i go back in. (my cat Wilson sometimes asks me to go outside with her when there’s a full moon. almost every night, especially on warm nights, but even freezing ones, we can just stand out there for an hour together. watching the moon set is transcendent. far more so than a sunset.)

right now, due to years of bad health, i have to force some natural abilities away (like the nightmares) because they’re too much for me to handle. i think as i recover, over time it’ll be easier for me to accept that stuff back into my life.

oh, one more thing, regarding my health - i have celiac disease, which has kept me essentially bedridden for the last 7+ years - WHICH BY THE WAY, my family spent literally 9 years trying to diagnose. my doctor kept doing an anaemia test, telling me there was nothing wrong with me and sending me back to school. i saw various specialists, herbalists, a naturopath, physiotherapists, cardiologists, had an MRI scan, saw family counsellors, school counsellors, a hypnotist, etc etc - basically consulted every medical professional under the sun when a simple blood test would’ve done it. stupid misogynistic doctor who thinks all teenage girls fake it to get out of school.

but one thing we did do was visit a psychic, who told me i had something called a candida. my dad, a sceptic and nonbeliever, googled it and said it was “some kind of magical thing in the gut”, and was therefore bullshit, so we continued the search for a diagnosis. years later - years - after a change of doctor (who i chose because i got a good vibe from her picture) we find out it’s celiac disease, a disease of the gut. of the hundreds of people we saw, the only ones to even pinpoint the right body part were the psychics. i googled candida just now and guess what? literally celiac disease. this woman diagnosed me with celiac disease by kneeling at my feet, holding my hand, and shutting her eyes for 30 seconds.

for the record, slightly off topic, i know very few men in real life, and this is what the men in my life have been. my doctor, dismissing me as a liar because i was a teenage girl. and my father, dismissing my declining health as “not trying hard enough”, even now, more than a year after i was diagnosed by a doctor. i think this is why i take refuge with male fictional characters. they’re better. i want them to be soft and understanding like the men i’ve never known.

anyway, this is the part of my life’s story i never really pieced together until right now. it’s a lot, more than i expected. i happily call myself a witch. most of my magic goes into my stories, and i think a lot of people who read them feel it, even if they translate it as passion or love or good vibes or something. the amazing comments i get would speak to that. i love the energy i get from comments, because it does come through in typed words, even if it’s much fainter than seeing people face-to-face. some comments just hit me with waves of goodness, even if the words themselves aren’t so powerful. so i really appreciate that stuff. it’s good stuff.

yep. that’s all. i hope this satisfies your curiosity, anon!!! <3

spraain  asked:

I just wanted to say I love your writing! Do you think you could write a KageHina fan fiction based of your username? If you have time please do 😂

“Kageyama I swear, I fell asleep for like…two minutes, tops, and when I woke up they were just gone. Like that. Poof, into thin air.” 

Kageyama scrubs a hand over his face, and sighs.

“You’re telling me,” he says, and he’s trying to be calm about it all, he is, but his jaw is already aching from the grind of his teeth and his forehead hurts from all the frowning, “that someone stole your shoes, right off your feet, and you didn’t even notice?” 

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Insecurities (Josh Dun)

Hell this is my second ever imagine I have written on this blog and I am thankful for the notes I received on my first post, as always feel free to drop some requests in my inbox and I will try to get round to doing them as soon as possible.

I was in a very sappy mood so I decided that I was going to write some emotional stuff about Josh being insecure about his looks as well as comparing himself to Tyler.

I want you to know that everyone reading this out there is beautiful even if people tell you any different (Including yourself) Trust me you pretty and beautiful every single day. If you ever want someone to speak to feel free to send me a message. :)

Triggers: Josh talks about body parts he dislikes such as, hair, eyes, chest, tattoos, and height. If any of the things above trigger you please be careful, however they are only brief mentions and don't go into any detail.

******

Josh POV

I have alway been slightly an anxious person throughout my life, whether that means hiding behind my powerful drum kit and letting Tyler be the main attraction during concerts or breaking into a small sweat when I order at a restaurant scared that I will mess up a simple order. However I thought that the one thing that I was able to control really well was the amount of negative comments me and Tyler often receive, I tend to just block them out because I know how many positive comments we get back from our fans, but something is different.

As I sit on the cold sheets at the very edge of the bed that me and my girlfriend (Y/N) share I can’t help but hear all these pessimistic words flood into my ears. I am sitting shirtless with only a pair of basketball shorts laying low on my hips, my elbows creating red marks on my thighs from where I had been leaning on my hands for a period of time. I didn’t know where this ongoing battle in my brain was leading to but instantaneously, I couldn’t handle in any more and the tears cascaded down my cheeks all at once as if every hurtful, mean and spiteful comment I have ever read suddenly turned to a pool of tears I was slowly creating on the crisp clean bed sheets, I have no idea what has come over me but I don’t feel this flood of emotions starting to slow down anytime soon. I suddenly remembered that (Y/N) is downstairs and that I should quieten down, the last thing I want to do is worry her about my stupid problems. I quickly jump up off the bed and rush over to the large mirror that was on the wall above a chest of drawers and stared into it

She doesn't love you 

She doesn't really want to be with you 

Did you actually think that someone like (Y/N) would actually want to date someone like you. 

Everyone likes Tyler more than you

Tyler is the attractive one

All you do is play the drums, Tyler does so much more and you just sit there

I look in the mirror that was in front of me, I stare into my dark brown eyes, brown boring old brown, I look at my bubblegum pink hair, its horrible, not even a natural colour. I continue to pinpoint different things on my body, my tattoos, my chest, my height and the list goes on. 

“Josh are you alright? You have been in their a while now” I hear (Y/N) call from outside the door, with concern laced in her voice. I look once again into the glass mirror and rub the salty tears from my eyes trying my hardest to rid any evidence that I had been crying.

“Yes I’m fine, I will be out in a second” I reply unconvincingly because my voice broke halfway through.

“Josh, I know you’re upset please can I come in?” (Y/N) asks, (Y/N) wasnt stupid she knew when I was upset I don’t even know why I tried to hide it from her because I knew that she would just find out anyway. She was also stubborn so no matter how many times I tell her I am fine she wont stop pestering me to make sure that I really am alright.

I dont respond in the fear that my voice won’t be able to support me, I walk back over and sit on the bed like I was previously. (Y/N) pokes her head from around the door and sees me with my head in my hands trying with all that is left in me to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill.

“Oh Josh” (Y/N) exclaims sadly, putting her small her to her mouth and rushes over to comfort me.

I feel her protective arms wrap around my shoulders, I respond automatically by turning to her and burying my head into her soft sweet smelling hair, I continue to cry into her shoulder for another few minutes until I am settled enough to talk.

I explain to (Y/N) about all the emotions I have been experiencing and that I felt like people like Tyler more than me because he sings as well as play other instruments. I continue to speak to ashamed to look up at her softened glance. But when I finally do I notice she is also crying, however she speedily wipes the tears away not wanting to show her emotions on the situation.

“Josh, I can only understand that you being in a famous that at times it is going to get overwhelming for you, having all these amazing fans look up to you, admire you. However I know that you and Tyler are going to get your share of negative comments, but honestly that is because they are jealous, they are jealous that they can’t play the drums, they are jealous that it isn’t them on stage surrounded by thousands of people who love them, they are jealous that they can’t tour with their best friend, fuck that the people who say these low life comments proably don’t have a best friend.” (Y/N) takes a sharp intake of breath and swallows hard.

“(Y/N) I-”

“I’m not finished” She cuts me off and I stay silent looking at her from the side, at this angle I can see how the low moonlight reflects beautifully off of her glistening eyes. She truly is beautiful. 

“Do you know how upset it makes me when you say all these untrue negative things about yourself, Josh you are beautiful, personality wise and appearance wise, I love your chocolate brown eyes, because I love the way that they widen when you hear something funny, I love your pink hair because it suits your personality and I love the way that it sticks to your forehead when you play the drums.”

I cant stop grinning, I didnt realise that she picked up on all these small details about me.

“I love the your tattoos they look amazing, I love that when you are asleep next to me I trace over them softly not to wake you, I love your body all of it I love your toned chest and the way that your back glistens with sweat you have been playing the drums for a while. I love how tall you are you may not be the tallest but you don’t need to be any taller because your height is the perfect height for me to do this”

(Y/N) then gives me a quick and small peck on the lips, I grin widely.

“I love you Josh alot, and so do thousands if not millions of fans out there.” She finishes and tightens her grip around me. I sit in shock I didnt realise I did all of those things myself so I was surprised when (Y/N) picked up on them.

“Wow, I don’t know what to say, I mean how did you notice all these things about me?” I question a smirk appearing on my face. I see (Y/N) duck her head down as a red blush forms on her cheeks.

“I dont know I just, notice” She replies, I chuckle deeply.

“I love you (Y/N) and I’m sorry, I’m sorry for upsetting you”

“Josh it’s alright really, as long as you are feeling better then I am ok to. I love you” She says with a genuine smile on her lips.

We both sit there in silence for a minute just taking in each others company. (Y/N) stands up suddenly and stretched her arm out towards me, encouraging me to take her hand.

“C’mon, lets go watch a film and cuddle on the sofa for a bit” She suggests, I grin

“that sounds perfect.” 

bibsfiha  asked:

Hey! I read that you are self - taught, so I wonder if you have any tutorial to indicate to someone who wants to begin to do digital illustrations? Oh, I don't have a pen tablet yet, do you think that I can start to do digital art whitout one? Thank you! Love your art, you are such an inspiration <3

Hey! I personally think having a pen tablet is very important in order to be able to produce good digital drawings/paintings. Of course, it is possible to do it without one too! I’m sure there are some artists out there who do that. Right now I can think of Goro Fujita who had one video uploaded somewhere in which he used only the lasso tool in Photoshop (selections) and his mouse. He usually uses a tablet but the purpose of the video was to show that if you know how to draw, you can do it with any tool. The knowledge is still in your head, no matter what medium you use. However, in my opinion having a tablet is important if you want to paint well digitally. There are some quite cheap options out there. I for one, started out with the most basic Wacom Bamboo. 

As for tutorials and being self-taugh I can say the following (and repeat myself yay haha): No matter what medium you choose to use, the things you need to know (the fundamentals) are still the same, i.e. perspective, values, understanding of colour and light, anatomy, composition etc. There are countless classes, tutorials and books out there on these subjects. IMO these are the most important things one needs to learn first, before worrying what to draw on. Now for working digitally - I guess it takes a bit of time to make the transition between traditional and digital (and vice versa). It just feels different but I don’t really think there’s any kind of tutorial about that. You just need to do it more and get past that moment where you’ve almost given up, after that things calm down and you’ll start to get the hang of it. 
Since you asked for a tutorial (and not all my rambling), I can suggest ctrlpaint, I remember there were some good basic ones.
There’s not much you need really, to draw digitally. Just find some software you like and can afford, learn how to use layers, history and basic brushes and that’s it I think. You don’t even need any fancy brushes (at least at first). If you can draw, you can do it with any brush. I for example do most of my works using the simplest hard round brush that comes with Photoshop. I find that those special brushes confuse me sometimes and distract me from the important things in the painting. That’s not to say that brushes aren’t important sometimes tho. Hope that’s helpful and good luck! :)

  • Headcannon that the Samwell Varsity sport teams have to volunteer in the community as part of team bonding and where the team volunteer changes each year. So in Bitty’s second year, they’re placed in a Nursing Home.

    • Their volunteering consist of spending a couple of hours a week as a team hanging out with the residents. Sometimes they break off into pairs of hockey players-residents, sometimes they play bingo, sometimes they help the NA’s with physical therapy or something, it changes every time. 
    • Okay, so no one is surprised when the first time they go Bitty brings like a bazillion pies and cookies and continues to bring baked goods every visit. Also unsurprising, the residents love him. 
      • He’s really good at talking to them (even when he has to repeat himself) because Moomaw lives in a home and you bet your ass that Bitty visits her at least twice a week when he’s home and charms all the residents there. 
      • He’s also really good at listening and remembering things that the residents say in passing and always makes sure to ask follow up questions the following week. 
        • He’ll ask about appointments or family visits and always makes sure to comment when someone gets a new hair cut or a fresh shave. 
    • Way more under the cut

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Masquerade Part Three

Summary: Dan goes to a school for spies, he’s not supposed to be noticed, not supposed to be given a second glance, but Phil seems to see him, actually see him, and not just his cover. 

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.7K

Warnings: Some swearing

“What are you doing here?” Dan hissed.
“What?” Phil smirked, “Scared I’ll outshine you Howell?” Dan’s face fell, his chair teetering on two legs as he leaned backwards to see Phil on the desk behind him. “No.” he paused, unsure of what else to say. And Phil could see it. He raised his eyebrow almost mockingly. “Don’t you have your own school to go to?” Dan whispered under his breath.
“Daniel Howell!” Mr Branham shouted, “These students are guests in our school, treat them with some manners.” He paused, glaring until Dan turned back around, his eyes on the desk. “Now, seen as you’re so clearly finished, would you kindly like to give everyone the answer?” Dan scowled, holding back a frustrated sigh. Dan could see Phil’s smug face in the back of his mind as he began to reel of the answers.

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want a little warmth [presston]

but who’s gonna save a little warmth for me?

There’s snow on the ground when Julie and Christen visit The Bean for the first time. Winter hits hard, all too quickly that no one’s had the time to tuck away their flip flops and bikinis. Flakes of white cascade freely and silently from the sky, almost blending into the blonde of Julie’s hair. The air is thin and brisk, and the wind cuts like a razor; breaths are wispy, puffing like small clouds from slightly parted lips.

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violetdoodlebug  asked:

Densi, "They're more than just my favorite color." That's horribly vague please don't hurt me.

Thank you for this my dear. I actually had some time before leaving and decided to do it right now. This was a tricky one but I think I have done okay.

[Densi x ncis la x oneshot x also on fanfiction.net]

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anonymous asked:

This might be really really stupid but why are people calling Tay swift a White Feminist? I know she said once that Beyoncé's version of feminism makes her uncomfortable but other than that are their any other things she's said/done that equal white feminism. I don't know her v well

Okay, so basically the feminism that she preaches, is entirely based on the idea that the issues that face white women, are the main issues that need addressing. Her feminism focuses on issues that affect her, and not on issues that affect women as a whole. For example, she speaks out about the fact that the media constantly bring up the fact she seems to date someone for a few months before she releases a new album and how that’s sexist bc no one mentions Ed Sheeran writing songs about his relationships. But then, she doesn’t understand how much harder it is for Women of Colour in the music industry, and that the challenges they face are different to the issues she faces, and there’s a lot more of them. Please see the debate with Nicki Minaj for what I mean. Nicki spoke up about the issues regarding how few women of colour were nominated for the VMAs, raising issue with how hard it is for women of colour to be taken seriously in the industry, and then rewarded for the efforts. How they have to work thrice as hard as a man, bc not only are they women, but they also aren’t white. And Taylor was like “ummm, why are you dragging down other women???” like Taylor, this wasn’t about you? If you’re going to get involved, actually educate yourself on the issues other women in your industry face, or don’t say anything at all. 
Then there was the Shake it Off video. I get that she was trying to be like “oh look at me, i’m so awks and don’t rlly know where i fit in but it’s ok bc i embrace it” but having women of colour twerking, whilst she crawls under their legs, and then trying and failing to emulate what they are doing, is shitty. That kind of dance started in black communities. It’s also something that women of african/caribbean backgrounds have been sexualised for doing, like their naturally bigger waist and ass have meant that something as simple as them dancing, get’s them sexualised. Taylor just shows up in this video, makes a joke about it, but doesn’t have to deal with the blatant sexual remarks that women of colour deal with for doing the same thing. It’s the difference between cultural appreciation, and appropriating it for a moment of your own entertainment. 
Then in the video for Wildest Dreams, she’s supposed to be in Africa and there’s not a single person of colour in sight??? Literally everyone there is white???? She uses the aesthetic of Black Africa, the cultural backdrop of Africa, to make her video look pretty, but doesn’t actually show a single person of colour that this culture belongs to. 
Also, one of her best friends is Lena Dunham who is actually the leader of the white feminist movement, and on top of that, is a self-confessed child molester, so there’s also that.

anonymous asked:

I really, really hope this isn't coming out as rude or anything, but have you ever been called fat or hated your body type? I kinda have the same body type as you, but when I look at you you're just so godamm pretty. Like, really, really pretty, but when I look at myself just feel like a ugly, fat potato. Even some of my Family members thinks I should try to loose weight but I don't like working out because I'm afraid of people looking at me and

(cont) even when I try to eat right I still not losing weight, I really don’t know if I’m just fat or if my body type is just big. Sorry if it sounds like I’m just rambeling but do you ever feel like that or do you maybe have any tips to feel better about one’s body type? Again, I hope this isn’t coming out as rude or anything ;-; I think you’re really amazing and pretty

It’s not rude at all. Just let me tell you: You are beautiful!!
I had a hard time believing I was beautiful. I still struggle with it sometimes when I feel down, and when you’re low like that it’s hard to think positive.
But keep in mind fat =/= ugly. Fat = beautiful. Everything you are = beautiful, even though society, and unfortunately oneself sometimes, makes you think you’re not.

This is me, just this moment:

I’m unshowered for about a day and I’m in my comfy tanktop and my even comfier fluffy shorts and I would never have posted this sort of image last year because I’d be too scared of what others would think. I’d be too scared to show off my legs or my arms.

Last year. Since then, I’ve grown (on the outside as well haha my body likes to put on weight as well as confidence) but I’m cool. It’s my body and I focus on the things there I really like. Like my killer calves. (When I did judo even the black belt teacher couldn’t pry my legs open!) Or how I look like a forest troll. Or how I’m awesome at hugging people because I’M SO SOFT come touch my arms if you don’t believe me. Inside I’m also muscly from all training that doesn’t show because my body is like that. Like you, I’ve probably always been.

That’s a little about myself, so you know how I think. And how I wish everyone would think.

The only two I can recall who have called out on my weight is a random drunk man and my mum, who wishes me to be thinner. She keept telling me it’s for the sake of my health and I suppose I can believe her a little. But it’s really tough when it comes from someone as close as a parent. She’s a work-out freak tho, and I’m obviously not, (except dancing, dancing is awesome!) so I’m like “sure mum you go on with that and I’ll just do my thing.”

So, onto what you can do to feel better:
- DO SOMETHING CRAZY WITH YOUR HAIR. I love doing stuff with my hair and I try to find different cool colours. Maybe it’s got nothing on the whole body issue but I sure feel better when my hair is big and bright blue.

- Tell yourself in the mirror that you’re pretty/beautiful, even though you feel that day that you aren’t. I was a huuuuuuge sceptic of the bullshitting theory, aka “tell yourself something until you belive it” but it actually gets a little better.

- Surround yourself with body positive friends/people. My best friend in the whole world (apart from my girlfriend) is Louise and I think since I met her I’ve gotten so much better accepting myself. She sees beauty in every person. With her I can say “damn I’m fine in these pants” and even though I maybe feel I’m maybe not so fine she’d say “hella”. I know she’d never call me anything else than beautiful when being serious.
So surround yourself with people like Louise.

- Let’s be real, just trying to think will do lots but doing stuff will do even more!
I’ve started a diet, where I at least keep away from soda drinks, (sparkling water is a super neat replacement!) and two days a week I eat low calorie foods.
It helps. (Not to mention it actually works if you wanna lose some weight! Check out the 2:5 method.) I feel more confident about myself. I do something and it feels good. And it’s that good feeling that helps.

Admit to yourself that yeah, you are bigger. But nothing’s bad about it.

If you’re healthy and on the larger side, like me, don’t worry. Rock your body. Beautiful being.
Peace.

anonymous asked:

Hi!! I just wanted to make a sterek prompt based on something that happened to me yesterday that has me a little bit down...One of the exes of my current boyfriend just started following me on instagram and he doesn't like it, and said that he was going to talk to her, because that was just too much, and he showed me the chat where she said that she was going to get him back and that she wasn't gonna suffer anymore for him... If you don't want to do it I totally understand.. Love ya!

I’m sorry this is a few days late. My family have been ill so it’s been less Sterek and more running baths and all that jazz. This is pretty short but I hope you like it nonetheless! I also hope everything is okay with you and your boyfriend. You’re awesome and deserve nothing but the best, nonnie

It’s not that Stiles thinks Derek will go back to…her. It’s just, well, he has self-esteem issues okay? It’s not a crime. And believe him, he’s not trying to be jealous. He’s not trying to act like a possessive asshole bastard afraid to let his boyfriend out of his sight. But…can you really blame him?

It’s not that Derek is the type to cheat, but Derek had thought it was love. He got his heart broken. Stiles remembers, he’s been Derek’s best friend for years. He was around to pick up the pieces. When they finally got together, Stiles thought she-who-must-not-be-named- shut up, he’s allowed Harry Potter in his life- had long been got over, but lately he’s not so sure. Not with her back in town suddenly wanting Derek back.

At first, it was innocent. Bumping into her in the store while picking up some milk, seeing her at the video store, running into her at the park. Okay, Derek had called it innocent. Stiles had called it stalking. Still, Stiles went with it. He’s a good boyfriend after all. Or at least he tries to be. For Derek he does really fucking try. He may not trust many people, but he trusts Derek.

Thing is, there is only so much a guy can take before he snaps. Instagram, as it turned out, was that breaking point for Stiles.

“She followed me,” he says, trying to keep his cool as he waves his phone in front of Derek’s raised eyebrows. “Derek this isn’t good. She’s trying to intimidate me.”

“Then don’t let her,” Derek says.

Which, wow. Stiles is so lucky to have such a helpful boyfriend.

“Don’t let her?” his eyes widen. “Derek, you do realise what’s happening, right? Right? After a while, I’m going to get clingy. I love you and the thought of losing you-” He closes his eyes, turning away, terrified of the desperation is his voice. “Look, the point is you’re going to get tired of me freaking out and guess who will be waiting to give you a little breather? Her, Derek. She’ll be waiting. And I just can’t- I can’t-

He takes a breath, pushing down the panic attack he can feel coming on. Don’t do this, Stiles. Don’t do this now.

“Hey,” Derek says, taking his hands in his, stilling him. “Stiles, you’re my best friend. Please tell me you realise there is no-one that could ever take me from you.” Something must show on his face because Derek’s own eyes widen in surprise at what he sees there.

“Logically, yeah, it’s a nice thought-” Stiles starts, but for once he doesn’t know how to go on. Can’t quite find the words to say how much that thought really means to him. What it means to him. That Derek’s the first person who’s ever made him feel like he’s first choice. It’s hard to process most days, let alone right now.

“Stiles,” Derek says again, pulling Stiles close to him, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I think about you constantly, okay? I think about you when I’m at work. When I’m shopping. Shit, I think about you when I work out. I dream about you even though you sleep right beside me.” He ducks his head, his cheeks colouring slightly as he finishes, “I don’t even fantasise about anyone else but you.”

“Oh,” Stiles answers, dumbly.

“Yeah, oh,” Derek rolls his eyes, pulling Stiles even closer. “She was my first love but…you were the first person outside my family I ever loved. Even before I met her, Stiles. You were already it. I just didn’t think I ever had a shot.” He smiles, like the fact Stiles is even here surprises him. The idiot. “And if you want to be…you’ll be the last person I ever love.”

Stiles’ heart thuds in his chest. It’s making very unusual sounds. He knows. “That sounds very serial killer of you.”

Derek rolls his eyes, smacking Stiles’ arm. “You know what I mean, jerk face.”

“Oh, I’ll jerk on your face,” Stiles winks, relaxing, causing Derek to groan and bury his face in Stiles’ shoulder.

“I take it all back. Go back to your motherland.”

Stiles snorts. “There’d be no point, dude. You’d just follow me.” He pauses, looking down at his feet. “Wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Derek smiles, tilting his chin back up. “I’d follow you anywhere. Movie style.”

“Movie style,” Stiles repeats, grinning. “I like the sound of that. Makes me feel important.”

Derek shakes his head fondly, kissing Stiles’ cheek. “That’s because you are.

so, Ella wanted me to do a cute proposal scene but my muse retaliated and I ended up with a lot of feels. I blame her and her emotional gifsets, tbh.

how we wait so long (to come together).

They come home on a Tuesday. She thinks it’s a Tuesday anyway; being stuck in the Underworld (or Underbrooke as Henry took to calling it) will ruin a person’s sense of time.

They come home on a Tuesday and they’re sprung right back into the belly of the beast since the folks from Camelot decided that they’d take over running the town in their absence. She’s not surprised, honestly, and compared to Hades, these guys are nothing. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

She spends all her free time (and her not-so-free time) latched on to Killian - she knows it’s clingy and desperate and kind of pathetic but she’s watched him die three times, give her a break. Even when they’re trekking through the forest, she keeps a death grip on his hand, his arm, the unzipped corner of his jacket, anywhere her cold fingers can reach, really. Her nightmares are a terrible thing still, and she has to keep reminding herself that yes, he’s here and yes, he’s alive.

(She’s sure he knows it’s clingy and desperate and kind of pathetic, too, but he doesn’t say anything. Merely lets her tighten her arms around his waist when they finally get home for the night. Runs his fingers down the chain of her necklace with a soft smile and tightens his own embrace when they lay down to sleep. And she loves him that much more for it.)

Keep reading

I wasn't hired for this : Harry Styles

A/N: This is for Nayana, I hope you like this my love!

‘Are you ready Nayana? I know they’re just five boys, but they can be a bloody rowdy bunch.’

It was my first day, and Paul had just taken me through the items that the boys would require in the dressing room for every show. I was their new personal assistant, and to be honest, I was absolutely terrified. We were closing in on their dressing room, and I heard them before I could see them. It sounded like they were fighting, or running around like idiots. Paul looked at me, rolling his eyes, making me giggle. He turned the handle to the door and burst in. Tables were turned on their ends, eggs splattered all over them. A woman stood in the corner, terrified of moving, as an egg was hurled at one of the tables. I could see a head peering over a table, and immediately knew it was Zayn. There was no mistaking that quiff. He jumped over the table and ran to get more eggs, but being pelted with a load before he could make it back unscathed. 

Paul marched into the center of the room, and the battle cries died down. All five boys stood up from behind their tables, Harry, Liam and Zayn on one team, and Louis and Niall on the other. They all looked at each other, then to Paul. He stood there with his arms crossed, an angry look painted across his face.

'I want this room cleaned from top to bottom boys. And it had BETTER be spotless.’ They all nodded, a look of worry on their faces. They all turned slowly to see the blonde haired, blue eyed girl who was stood shaking at the door. I don’t know why I was shaking, I wasn’t in trouble. As if remembering that I existed, Paul turned to me and said 'I told you they were a rowdy bunch. Guys, this is Nayana. She is your new personal assistant. And no making her run across town for silly requests, if I find out you’ve mucked her about, there will be hell to pay.’ He walked out of the room, leaving me squirming, five sets of eyes staring at me. The woman in the corner took this as her queue to leave. 

'So, Nayana’ Niall spoke up 'have you had a tour of the stadium?’

Just remember what Paul said, don’t take any shit, and don’t let them get away with anything. 'Don’t think you’re using me to worm your way out of this’ I said, gesturing my hand towards the mess. 'Paul wants it done, so I suggest you do it.’ I sounded a lot more confident than what I was feeling. I turned on my heel to leave, when the boys all chimed in with a collective 'OOOH’.

'She’s a feisty one she is’ said Harry, winking at me.

'Come on, get to work, I’ll fetch you all some rubber gloves and a cloth’ I said turning and walking out of the door, hiding the blush that was creeping across my face.

-

*Two weeks later*

'Alright guys! That was a brilliant show! Do you need anything?’

'No Nayana, we’re good thanks sweetheart’ said Louis. I’d grown close to the boys these last two weeks. It felt like we had known each other forever. Especially me and Harry. I’d found him lingering around, after the others had left, asking me rather personal questions. Did I have a boyfriend, was I a virgin, etc etc. And he always sat next to me, and touched my arm or leg at any opportunity. I’d been around enough guys to know that he was interested in me. But I certainly wasn’t brave enough to make a move. He was Harry freaking Styles! Do you know how many girls would love to kill me? 'Come on lads, it’s time for GTA!’ Louis cried! The boys all ran off and I started to walk to the bus I would be staying in tonight.

'Nayana, wait up’ Harry said, jogging to my side. 'Can I chill with you? I don’t fancy running over any old ladies tonight’ he smiled.

'Yeah of course, I’ll only be watching some shitty movie, but sure!’ we walked back to the bus in silence, admiring the bit of the night sky we could see on the way. After clambering on, I realised that Lou wasn’t here. She must still be backstage, probably hiding from the boys. Harry settled himself on the sofa, as I plodded around the little kitchen area. 'Do you want a drink?’

'Uh, no thanks. Actually there’s something I want to talk to you about Nayana. Come and sit yourself next to me.’ He patted the seat next to him, and looked me up and down. I hesitated, not really knowing what to do. I moved towards him slowly, and sat next to him. He stroked my thigh with his hand as he spoke to me. 'So you know I like you right?’ I nodded, and tucked some hair behind my ear. I didn’t really know how to reply in a situation like this. 'And you like me too?’ I nodded again. He shuffled himself, turning towards me.

'Do you know how many nights I have laid awake in my bunk, dreaming of you? Wishing that you were with me? Wishing that I could feel your soft warm skin under my hands? Wishing that it was your hand stroking me, and not my own.’ I blushed at his admission. 'Baby, if you blush at my thoughts, I wonder what you’d do if they became a reality’ he said, kissing me deeply, invading my mouth. I sat there paralysed, not daring to move or respond. He pulled away, searching my face for a clue as what to do. 'If you don’t want me to I won’t’ he said. I stood up and walked to the door of the bus, locking it.

'I don’t want anyone to walk in on us.’ I retorted, confidence looming it’s head from depths I didn’t know were there. I walked over him, pulling my shirt over my head and discarding it on the floor, then moving to the zip on my skirt,and letting that pool at my feet and stepping out of it. I stood there, in my blue underwear set, and let him drink in the sight of me. His mouth fell open as he scanned my body.

'Oh baby, so much better than what I ever imagined. Come here, sit on my lap, facing me.’ I kicked my shoes off, as he undressed himself in record time, and straddled his lap, perching my ass on his knees. He cupped me, and moved me closer, so his bulging erection was pressed to my wet pussy. 'Blue is your colour, but I want to feel what’s underneath’ he said, slipping his hand into my panties, and running his fingers over me. His touch was as light as a feather, driving me crazy. I needed him to press harder, so I moved myself as close to his hand, pushing myself into his hand. 

'So eager Nayana, so desperate for me. Do you want me in you now?’

'Yes Harry, I want you in me now. Just do it, don’t waste time.’ My words awoke some carnal beast inside of him, as he growled and wrenched my panties to the side. He slipped himself out of his boxers, and lined himself up with me, thrusting upwards. He stilled allowing me to get comfortable, and started to pound. His animalistic growls echoed in my ear, which turned me on even more. To say he’d just performed a two hour show, the stamina he had behind his thrusts was incredible. 'Ohh fuck Harry, yes, right there. Keep, doing th-ahh, yes!’

'Come on Princess, I want to hear how good I make you feel. Tell me, tell everybody who is making you feel so good.’ He roared. I buried my head into his neck, biting down onto his skin. Every time he thrust in to me, he hit all the places that no man ever had before. I moaned out his name, and he gripped my hips tighter. I felt him harden inside, and then shoot his load into me. It was warm, and he slowed down his thrusts, realising I still hadn’t cum. He moved his thumb to my clit and rubbed hard, still thrusting into me. The contrast between the fast work of his fingers and the slow movements of his thrusts was an exquisite feeling, bring me to my downfall. I felt like I was on fire, my body jerking as he hit my spot over and over again, helping me through the body shattering orgasm. I panted and slumped over his shoulder.

'Wow, I’ve never had that reaction before’ he chuckled. We sat there like that for a couple of minutes, not saying anything. He stroked my spine lightly and I pulled back to look at him.

'I don’t think I was hired for this.’ He burst out into laughter making me giggle, then brought my lips close to his.

'You were hired to keep us happy Nayana, and you’ve certainly made me happy tonight.’ He retorted, kissing me deeply, and hardening inside me once more.

hoppspindel  asked:

Hello there! So I saw that you wrote that s11 is almost as good as s8 when it comes to destiel. I haven't watched the show since early s9, but now I'm getting my hopes up again. What has happened with destiel that makes you say that? I don't mind spoilers :p I know bits and pieces from seeing gifs, but like.. Should I start watching again?

Hi! Ah see this is where I worry about my destiel positivity because I don’t really want to encourage people to get their hopes up if it doesn’t end up amounting to anything! I like to say that I am cautiously optimistic but I have to keep reminding myself that realistically I have to look at this as objectively as possible because even when it seems like it’s going the way we want, it could all still fall flat and leave us disappointed.

I answered another ask about my thoughts on destiel recently here  which I think covers where I stand on this. As for whether you should start watching the show again, I think that depends on why you quit it? Were you part of the mass exodus after 9x03? If the non con in that episode put you off I would be wary in early season 11 due to the whole Dean x Amara deal (which is really fucking creepy and unnecessary and they shouldn’t have gone there – heads up for the sexualisation of an underage girl who tries to seduce Dean *gags*) But it does seem that in later season 11 they are making it very clear that there is no ‘romance’ between Dean and Amara and that this is something that Dean finds extremely wrong and uncomfortable.

My adoration for the season all comes from the Casifer storyline. Which I think is the best storyline they have had since season 8 and the trials which I loved (the season 8 finale ‘sacrifice’ is one of my all-time favourite episodes) My main reason for this is that I am a Cas girl at heart and also a huge destiel fan and they have basically slapped a tiara on Cas’ head, locked him in a tower and given Dean a white horse to ride to his rescue. We haven’t had a Cas focussed main storyline since season 8. He has always been given these side stories like ‘dean and sam are doing this…. Meanwhile cas…’ and that always annoyed me because I want Castiel to be right there by the Winchesters sides fighting the same battles like in season 5. Putting him in a side story makes people lose interest in him and gives the Cas haters more ammunition.

Right now however, he is front and central to this story. The icing on the cake here is that this story also demands an emotional payoff. It demands a scene where Dean has to convince Cas that he is worthy, that he is worth saving, that he is needed, and most of all, that he is loved. This is me looking at the story from an objective viewpoint here. I have worked very hard to shove all my fangirl feelings for destiel to the side in order to consider this current season arc from a scriptwriters point of view. I have asked myself “Where is this story headed? Logically?” You wanna know the logical answer? Cas must be made aware that he has something to fight for. The way they have framed the story and especially after 11x18 it is extremely clear that Dean is the only person who can prove this to Cas. This screams destiel at me even if they keep it in the subtext.

On top of all this, we have a potential return of Chuck/ God and thanks to some excellent symbolism and subtext in the show, there is some excellent speculation going around about Castiel’s true importance being revealed finally (things that meta writers on tumblr have been speculating since season 5). If this doesn’t happen, we still have the potential for a God/ Lucifer showdown followed by a God/ Amara showdown and this would be the most interesting storyline that supernatural has given us since the first apocalypse in season 5. It just all feels like it is building up to something spectacular. I can’t help but get a buzz out of that. I still think that the season finale is going to emotionally cripple us all over the summer hiatus but I also think that it will be worth it.

Ultimately if you start watching again, do so cautiously, be prepared for a load of Cas feels (our poor angel suffers a great deal of hurt in this season) and don’t expect miracles. We tend to look back on season 8 with rose coloured glasses because compared to seasons 9 and 10 it was a much lighter season. Season 11 is still extremely dark (mind the pun) but it also feels like we have passed the ‘decay’ stage in Carver’s overall thematic of ‘growth/decay/transformation’ (Perhaps Carver is a Breaking Bad fan?) Where season 8 was the season of growth, and season 9 and 10 were the decay. The transformation stage is seemingly turning out to be a much more enlightened path for the characters than the decay they have been suffering for the past two seasons. Unfortunately right now Cas in particular is still stuck in ‘decay’. He is at his very lowest and it is difficult watching. However Dean seems to be accepting his transformation nicely. It was @elizabethrobertajones who outlined how Destiel has been portrayed from varying character POVs since it started and whenever the POV is with Dean, it appears to be at its strongest in the show. As of 11x18, that POV is back with Dean and I think that it will continue to be with Dean for the rest of the season. Whether it remains in the subtext is a guessing game I suppose and again I am stressing cautious optimism here because we can never know the true intent of the show creators until the final end of the series.

I am feeling pretty damn positive right now, but this show has built us up and burned us down before. I don’t want anyone to get hurt by believing something wonderful is going to happen only for them to royally let us down. There are still 5 episodes to go until the season end. We don’t know what is going to happen but I think at the very least we will be getting some real emotional pay off regarding Dean and Cas. Even if it remains in subtext I can’t wait to see that when it airs.

I hope this now very long answer has given you a bit more information on the situation as it currently stands. It is ultimately completely up to you whether you want to start watching again. I want to say give it a chance because I have been enjoying it (and Misha’s performance as Lucifer is just brilliant) and I think a lot of other bloggers would agree with me. If you do watch, maybe let me know what you think and if you agree with my rather hopeful outlook for destiel?