don't get hit by a bus

the way the signs say i love you
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> hits you on the shoulder with a grin, asks you to play with their hair, smiles at you when you're angry<p/><b></b> "i need you to stay"<p/><b>Taurus:</b> lets you cuddle them on the bus, gets worried when you're talking to someone they don't like, buys you food<p/><b></b> "i'm glad you're mine and i am yours"<p/><b>Gemini:</b> tells you how they really feel, cries in front of you, tries to make you laugh<p/><b></b> "i want you to know every side of me"<p/><b>Cancer:</b> cuddles you in public, talks to your mum, is there for you when you don't feel like talking<p/><b></b> "i am so glad i let you in"<p/><b>Leo:</b> makes you things, holds your hand and drags you places, stares at you when you're not looking<p/><b></b> "i hope you always like me"<p/><b>Virgo:</b> brings you to dinner with their parents, does the dishes with you, lets you reorganise their things/room<p/><b></b> "i'll clean up any mess you get yourself into"<p/><b>Libra:</b> kisses you on the shoulder, lets you take your anger out on them, shows you negative emotions<p/><b></b> "i like everyone, but you're my favourite"<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> texts you first, hugs you extra long, draws you things even if they're not very good at it<p/><b></b> "i'm really attached to you"<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> commits to you, lets you talk over them, lean on you when you're sitting together<p/><b></b> "you are the most important to me"<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> is overly sarcastic with you, prioritizes you over work, braids your hair no matter how short it is<p/><b></b> "i'm more confident around you"<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> talks to you about your favourite book series, writes you poetry, pays full attention when you talk<p/><b></b> "you're my anchor"<p/><b>Pisces:</b> takes lots of pictures of you and shows them to everyone, gives you a second chance, does your makeup (even if you don't usually wear it)<p/><b></b> "i'll let you get away with anything"<p/></p>
wheel of time + @wolfpupy tweets
  • rand al'thor: life is about the journey not the destination, forget about the impact and just enjoy hurtling on fire in a downward trajectory
  • matrim cauthon: if you take a second to think about it, that's one second you have completely wasted
  • perrin aybara: if you underestimate a wolfs ability to wield a weapon just because of a lack of thumbs you will get what you deserve in the end.
  • egwene al'vere: things are going really well for me now that i've changed the meaning of really well to the opposite of what it means in my head.
  • min farshaw: looks like things are always happening once again
  • nynaeve al'meara: i won't do what i'm told, it involves listening to what people tell me
  • moiraine damodred: i did the best i could with the resources i was given, which was nothing
  • faile bashere: stop being so defensive i am just trying to hit you with weapons
  • tuon athaem al'paendrag: who would have thought that 10, 20, even 30 seconds later that the thing you said would still not matter to me, yes time is a cruel mistress
  • elayne trakand: i'm not going to claim that i know everything, i am simply going to act like it
  • aviendha: blood is just nature's red water that flys out when you make a mistake. relax and enjoy the experience for once
  • the dark one: when the sun goes out, the air turns to fire, and the streets run red with blood, i am probably to blame for it
  • asmodean: where people like you see a problem i see opportunity to create worse problems
  • aginor: back in the frankenstein times you could make a monster whenever you wanted, these days you have to have a license or something i guess
  • lanfear: when you get your revenge on someone always immediately hit them with a second revenge, undercuts any counter-revenge or betrayal they have
  • graendal: everyone who died and was killed on my quest to get really good hair and fashion deserved it and i dont care
  • ishamael/moridin: instead of spending all your time trying to make things better and failing you can cut out the middleman and just make things worse
  • the forsaken, generally: i don't want to throw anyone under the bus here unless they are my enemy or betrayer or if it will help me get where i'm going faster
fosters character summaries
  • Stef: I'd know because I'm a cop.
  • Lena: I just think everybody needs to calm down.
  • Callie: *runs in front of a bus* *gets hit by a bus* Of course this would happen to me.
  • Brandon: Don't let anybody ruin your life. It's your life. So you should ruin it.
  • Jesus: I can't help it if everyone wants to have sex with me.
  • Mariana: You can be smart and sexy. I'd know. I'm both.
  • Jude: *on a school trip*
SOME VAMPIRES GROSSLY MISREPRESENTED BY WOLF PUPY TWEETS
  • i didn't do all the clans because shhh
  • Vampires: daylight savings is dumb as hell, who looks directly at the sun and says i want more of this for later, nobody does it
  • Camarilla: i don't want to throw anyone under the bus here unless they are my enemy or betrayer or if it will help me get where i'm going faster
  • Sabbat: if history has taught us anything i dont plan to learn it
  • Anarchs: if anyone tries to tell you your dreams are unachievable just remember i have crashed my dirt bike into all 7 wonders of the world
  • Inconnu: tired of trying to figure out how to solve problems? try simply ignoring them forever instead
  • Assamites: stop being so defensive i am just trying to hit you with weapons
  • Brujah: i feel like if people respected me for the sheer stupidity of my actions i would get a lot more respect
  • Cappadocians: if anyone needs me i'll be dead in my grave
  • Followers of Set: archaeologists have found hieroglyphs on the wall of a hidden chamber inside king tut's tomb that confirms he was a damn bitch
  • Gangrel: people out of the know refer to death as a 'dirt nap' when in fact you can go to sleep on some dirt any time you want
  • Giovanni: honestly now that i have it this throne of human skulls is crazy uncomfortable to sit on
  • Lasombra: i don't "say what we are all thinking" because my thoughts are always far more important and more interesting than everyone elses
  • Malkavian: being thinking about a lot of things lately and have decided thoughts are a waste of time
  • Nosferatu: in today's and all other time's housing market, a dirt cave is the best place to live
  • Ravnos: jewelry making tip; a simple can of gold spraypaint can turn a chicken nugget into a gold nugget
  • Toreador: yeah i looked both ways before crossing the street, i looked both 'handsome' and 'radiant', too bad i got hit by that car
  • Tremere: unsure of what to study? learn magic spells instead, its easy
  • Tzimisce: problem solving skills are well regarded but where is the respect for the problem creators such as myself
  • Ventrue: "everything isn't always about you" i know that's why i don't care about anything
  • BONUS~ those crazy-ass fishman vampires: no song about living on land is as convincing as 'under the sea' is about living on the ocean floor

Got sexually harassed getting dinner with my toddler lads 🙃🙃🙃

The Signs As Choir Broadway Trip Things
  • Aries: The seniors fighting over the back seats of the coach bus
  • Taurus: "Rule number one of the Broadway trip: don't ruin the Broadway trip!"
  • Gemini: "Why did you get coffee and a Boston cream donut? It's literally 9 PM?" "BECAUSE I'VE LOST CONTROL OF MY LIFE"
  • Cancer: Half the group making a beeline to the nearest Starbucks immediately after getting off the bus
  • Leo: Very loud group sing-along to High School Musical on the way back
  • Virgo: *almost gets hit by a car in Times Square*
  • Libra: "I panicked and got a taco with just beef. Just beef. Nothing else."
  • Scorpio: *anyone messes up* <b>DON'T RUIN THE BROADWAY TRIP!!!</b>
  • Sagittarius: It's either 35 degrees and snowing or 86 degrees and you're sweating your ass off. There is no in between.
  • Capricorn: "And for Pete's sake, don't go to McDonald's!"
  • Aquarius: The entire group making a beeline to the Dunkin Donuts at the rest stop in the morning, totally overwhelming the poor cashier who has to deal with us all
  • Pisces: Bus ride cuddles

anonymous asked:

what proof do you have of feministingforchange and herefortheace being homophobes/transphobes??? they're survivors of abuse so saying that shit hurts a LOT but i guess you guys don't care

1) survivors of abuse can be lgbtphobic, i don’t know what you’re insinuating here but uhhhhhh sounds bad scoob

2) feministingforchange defended a terf getting told to be hit by a bus (rosedisquartz changed her url so the post is here now)

3) she also told exclusionists who are ace that they’re not really ace, thereby being actually aphobic and not just ““““aphobic””””

4) i think herefortheace unironically uses the term “regs”, which is transphobic, though i’m not entirely sure so you’d have to check

5) oh and just in case here’s the receipts for autismserenity, you didn’t mention them but preemptively, ya know?

6) i’m too angry from finding these to find more receipts or look at herefortheace’s blog, try some receipts blogs? they might have some

7) i’d also like to add that there were other, much worse blogs being discussed (yants, arra-tech, vaspider, etc.) that weren’t included in the screenshot, which isn’t really relevant but i’m just saying that person really didn’t get the best (worst?) of it

Random Starter Questions II
  • "How do you like your coffee?"
  • "What is THAT?"
  • "What do you mean your car's in the shop."
  • "What smells so good?"
  • "Can we just stay home today?"
  • "Want to go to the park?"
  • "What's for dinner?"
  • "What do you mean you didn't do the laundry?"
  • "Don't you have anything other than microwave popcorn?"
  • "Don't you wish time travel was real?"
  • "Ever feel like you got hit by a bus?"
  • "Karaoke?"
  • "Shall we order in tonight?"
  • "Is that the ice cream truck I hear?"
  • "Can we turn the AC on, please?"
  • "What's going on at the neighbors?"
  • "What's that smell?"
  • "Where did you get those shoes?"
  • "Can I help you?"
  • "How many times are you going to watch that?"
  • "Is that for me?"
  • "I feel stupid for asking, but, when's your birthday?"
  • "Do you have this in a different color?"
  • "Did you hear that a meth lab was found under the local superstore?"
  • "I have a headache, can you not talk so loud?"
  • "Care to dance?"
Mordecai's Love Life Abridged - The Thrilling Saga [UPDATED]
  • Mordecai: *sees Margaret*
  • Mordecai: HOLY S HTI I C ANNOT BREA THE SHE SMOKIN HOT
  • Rigby: Go ask her out! She seems nice...
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Rigby: Go ask lady pecs out
  • Mordecai: You kiddin me, I ain't doin that shit
  • Rigby: UGHHHGHGHGHGGHGHGH
  • *five episodes later*
  • Mordecai: Alright, imma do it. I'm gonna do it
  • Margaret: Hey dude wassup?
  • Mordecai: Do you wanna... fuck.
  • Margaret: WHAT?!
  • Mordecai: Nevermind NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE *runs back to Rigby*
  • Rigby: Dude!
  • Mordecai: I tried man, I really did try
  • *he eventually makes up with Margaret and hangs around with her for four seasons not getting anywhere*
  • Mordecai: I'm gonna kiss that hot piece of shit
  • Rigby: Oh lord...
  • Mordecai: it'll be easy!
  • Rigby: DO IT OR YOU'LL HAVE TO WEAR A DIAPER
  • Mordecai: wtf
  • Rigby: DO IT FOR THE VINE
  • Mordecai: Ughhhhhhhhhhh
  • Margaret: What's this shit I'm hearing about a bet?
  • Mordecai: No.
  • Margaret: FUCK YOU MORDECAI. FUCK YOU. *runs off*
  • Mordecai: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
  • Margaret: Oh you want me to save your sorry little ass from freezing to death? Tell me how you REALLY feel about me.
  • Mordecai: OKAY FINE I LIKE YOU, OKAY?
  • Margaret: *nearly kisses him*
  • Margaret: Fuck you you piece of shit
  • *a few episodes later*
  • Eileen: HORY SHIT GUYS A FUCKIN METEOR SHOWER IS GONNA HIT THIS TOWN WITH A BANG *inside her head* hello Rigby you rabie-filled hottie.
  • Mordecai: Cool! I'll be there.
  • Rigby: ACTUALLY DO IT THIS TIME YOU WUSS.
  • *meteor shower hits*
  • Mordecai: Uhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Rigby: DO IT.
  • Mordecai: Stahp im emotionally unstable
  • Old potato guy: Bruh
  • Mordecai: Ughhhhh. Yo Margaret you wanna kiss?
  • *makes out*
  • Margaret: That was a great meteor shower (what the fuck just happened)
  • *dates for awhile*
  • Mordecai: Yo Margaret
  • Margaret: Goin' to college! Fuck you.
  • *loud emotional crying from Mordecai*
  • CJ: Hey Mordecai, I'm a cool ass cloud that puts up with zero shit, have all the same interests as you, and I kill people. You wanna date?
  • Mordecai: gee, I don't know, you're pretty cool, but-
  • Rigby: DO NOT.
  • Mordecai: Fine.
  • CJ: sick
  • *hangs out for awhile*
  • Eileen: GO ON A FUCKIN DATE ALREADY
  • Mordecai and CJ: wut
  • Eileen: DO IT.
  • Mordecai: Fine, u down fo dis CJ?
  • CJ: sure
  • *date than ends with drama and Mordecai and CJ becoming canon*
  • Mordecai: I luv this cloud
  • Rigby: STAHP
  • Mordecai: What?!
  • Rigby: SPEND MORE TIME WIT ME
  • Mordecai: ... bruh
  • Rigby: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • *a few months later*
  • Margaret: Surprise bitch
  • Mordecai: THE FUCK
  • Margaret: I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me
  • Mordecai: No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • CJ: Hey Morde-
  • Mordecai: Shut the fuck up
  • CJ: What?
  • Margaret: Hey CJ!
  • CJ: Hi, I'm Mordo's bitch now
  • Margaret: WAT
  • Mordecai: I, ummmm
  • Margaret: No, it's cool! You need to be happy!
  • Mordecai: thx
  • *hug*
  • Mordecai: I AIN'T LETTIN GO OF YOU
  • Margaret: ME EITHER
  • *makes out*
  • CJ: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
  • Mordecai: well shit
  • Margaret: oh...
  • *runs out crying*
  • Mordecai: NO PLZ FORGIVE ME
  • Eileen: Dis bitch is now my roommate. fuck you.
  • Margaret: you done fucked up Mordecai
  • Mordecai: ...
  • Mordecai: i fucked up. fuck
  • *the next day*
  • Mordecai: what up cj
  • CJ: why the did you invite me to this shithole of a coffee shop
  • Mordecai: idk what happened
  • CJ: Bitch plz
  • Mordecai: Here's a bunch of butt-shaped gifts
  • CJ: OH MY GOD I FORGIVE YOU I FUCKIN LOVE BUTTS
  • Margaret: IM GOIN TO CALL MORDY AT THE WRONG FUCKING TIME. YO MORDY
  • CJ: who the fuck is this bitch
  • Mordecai: The bitch I kissed
  • CJ: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
  • *more sad music*
  • Mordecai: fuck you margaret... fuck you...
  • Sad Sax Guy: IF YOU HAVIN GURL PROBLEMS I FELL BAD FO YOU SON I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AINT ONE
  • Mordecai: shut up and help me cj fuckin hates my guts
  • Sad Sax Guy: Get the bitch you kissed here
  • Mordecai: Fine
  • *at the park*
  • Mordecai: Wut up bitch
  • Margaret: I don't want to get involved even though I should have stopped you from kissing me but I went along with it anyway, so fuck you.
  • Mordecai: You're a good friend
  • *hugs*
  • CJ: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
  • Mordecai: goddammit...
  • Sad Sax Guy: Lol just put up a bunch of cheap-ass performances fo her
  • Mordecai: thanks lmao
  • CJ: is this a fuckin joke
  • Mordecai: Yo up Cee- *gets hit by bus*
  • CJ: JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU OKAY
  • Mordecai: Yeah, thing is.... are you?
  • CJ: Feelin' great *slaps him on head with board* bye asshole
  • Rigby: Are you insane?!
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Rigby: STAHP LISTENING TO A WEIRD SHIRTLESS GUY WHO PLAYS THE SAXOPHONE FOR SOME WEIRD REASON
  • Mordecai: Ugh.
  • Sad Sax Guy: Go to your older bitch's house
  • Mordecai: You mean my mom's?
  • Sad Sax Guy: ...
  • *goes to mom's house*
  • Mordecai's Mom: You done fucked up Mordecai
  • Mordecai: I KNOW. HELP ME.
  • Mordecai's Mom: Sway her in.
  • Mordecai: Fine.
  • *goes outside*
  • Mordecai: Rigby, tell dis bitch to look outside
  • Rigby: Look outside
  • CJ: Awwwwwww...
  • *at hospital*
  • CJ: Why the fuck did you kiss that bitch
  • Mordecai: I HAD FEELZ FOR MARGARET AND SEEING HER BROUGHT DOS FEELZ BACK I'M SORRY PLEASE TAKE ME BACK IT WAS MY FAULT.
  • CJ: Fine.
  • *makes out*
  • Sad Sax Guy: Happy holidays, asshole.
  • *a month later*
  • Eileen: YOU GUYZ WANNA SEE SOME FUCKIN SEA TURTS
  • CJ, Mordecai, and Rigby: sure
  • Eileen: YO MARGARET YOU WANNA SEE
  • CJ: no
  • Eileen: wat
  • CJ: NO.
  • Eileen: Oh. Right.
  • *in the car*
  • CJ: you had to kiss dat bitch didnt u mordecai
  • Mordecai: I HAD FEELZ FOR HER I'M SORRY FO DA LAST TIME.
  • *drama with spa shit happens*
  • CJ: Goddammit.
  • *calls Margaret*
  • Margaret: YOOOOOOO CHECK OUT THESE ASSHOLES USIN' TURTLES FO THEIR SPA SHIT, HOW DA FUCK DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY?
  • *a bunch of shit goes down*
  • Eileen: THX MARGARET FO SAVING OUR ASS
  • CJ: I called her u know...
  • Eileen: CJ AWWWWWWWWWW
  • *group hug with margaret*
  • CJ: bitch what the fuck do u think you're doing
  • Margaret: #awkward
  • Eileen: SHUT UP AND HUG ME
  • CJ: i came to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now
  • *a month later*
  • Mordecai: HOLY SHIT A PARTY IS GOIN DOWN AT DAT OTHER BITCH'S HOUSE. YO C-
  • CJ: lol no i'd rather pick up garbage than do that
  • Rigby: Oh right, because-
  • Mordecai: Shut the fuck up Rigby. Look, I'll get u some of dat cake cause u a bae.
  • CJ: THANK YOU MORDECAI *hugs*
  • Mordecai: *sees Margaret*
  • Mordecai: NOPE *runs into bathroom*
  • Rigby: dude... what the fuck...
  • Mordecai: I AIN'T FUCKIN ANYTHING UP IN HERE
  • Rigby: bruh...
  • Mordecai: Fine...
  • Margaret's Dad: YO DIAPER BOY I GOT A SEAT IN THE HELI FO YA YOU WANNA RIDE WIT DA FAM?
  • Mordecai: shit
  • *goes onto helicopter*
  • Margaret: How's the park? :)
  • Mordecai: FUCK HER RIGHT IN DA PUSSY
  • Margaret: stahp acting weird oh my god...
  • Mordecai: I HAVE TO U DON'T UNDERSTAND
  • CJ: lol so some bitch got burned by a river and... what the fuck is my bitch doing with that bitch...
  • Mordecai: oh no. don't.
  • CJ: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MORDECAI I AM DONE TRUSTING YOU YOU PIECE OF GODDAMN BIRD SHIT YOU CAN GO SUCK ON MARGARET'S EGGS FOR ALL I CARE *rages*
  • Mordecai: NO STAHP I'VE BEEN TELLIN YOU A HUNDRED FUCKIN TIMES I AM NOT WIT THIS BITCH ANYMORE
  • CJ: LIAR
  • *almost kills Margaret's parents*
  • Margaret: MOMMMMMMMMMMMM DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
  • Margaret's parents: well fuck u wanna do a mannonball into the pool
  • *lands*
  • CJ: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR *knocks Margaret off helicopter*
  • Margaret: I HAVE A BAE LITERALLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN CJ
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Margaret's dad: lol wut
  • CJ: lol wut
  • Margaret's Boyfriend: lol hi guyz wut up
  • Margaret: SO SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN
  • Mordecai: thank god *lands helicopter*
  • CJ: *cries*
  • Mordecai: yo bitch i got u cake
  • CJ: you might as well take that cake and shove it up my ass mordecai
  • Mordecai: lol ok
  • CJ: IT's A FIGURE OF SPEECH YOU MORON
  • Mordecai: oh
  • CJ: I FUCKED UP. I ALMOST KILLED DIS BITCH'S PARENTS-
  • Margaret: will u please stop referring to me as "bitch"
  • CJ: ANNNNNNYWAAAAYYYS I ALMOST KILLED THEM ALL OVER NOTHING
  • Mordecai: yeah u did that....
  • CJ: I HAVE TO LEAVE I'M HAVING FEELZ
  • *CJ runs off as "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi plays in the background*
  • *a few months later*
  • Margaret: zzzzzzzzz HOLY FUCK oh my god *shoves head on couch* EILEEN GET YOUR MOLE ASS IN HERE
  • Eileen: oh god not this shit again
  • Margaret: I don't actually have a bae! I made the whole thing up so CJ wouldn't kick my ass! WHAT DO I DO
  • Eileen: Tell the truth?
  • Margaret: bitch pls
  • *knocking on door*
  • Eileen: you know that bitch that almost killed your parents? well, she's here
  • Margaret: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE *opens the door*
  • CJ: Hey, Margaret! :3
  • Margaret: Hey, uh, CJ...
  • CJ: Look I'm sorry for pretty much the whole time that I've known you with killing your parents, destruction and all that other shit, but can we get to know each other a little bit? You can bring your bae if you want!
  • Margaret: KEWL
  • CJ: Awesome! *leaves*
  • Margaret: OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE
  • Eileen: Get Del here
  • Margaret: YO DEL CAN YOU PRETEND TO BE MY SUGAR DADDY FOR THE DAY
  • Del: lol sure
  • Margaret: RIGBY COME UP WITH A SCRIPT
  • Rigby: k
  • Del: *literally fucks everything up*
  • CJ: he cool
  • Margaret: ikr
  • Del: how you guys doing (ohhhhh dis is da best ass ive felt all my life)
  • Margaret: good I guess (get your fucking meat sticks off my ass)
  • Margaret: YOU'RE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP
  • Del: i know
  • Margaret: RIGBY DEL IS-
  • Rigby: fuck u bitch *hangs up*
  • Mordecai: i like del. hes pretty cool
  • Margaret: lol yeah
  • Mordecai: :>
  • Margaret: (oh my god mordecai's adorable as shit) DEL IS NOT ACTUALLY-
  • Bar: LOL HERE COMES A FUCKIN KISS CAM TO LITERALLY FUCK EVERYTHING UP. AND NOW LET'S "COINCIDENTALLY" POINT IT TOWARDS MARGARET AND DEL TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Margaret: oh god i have to kiss this ass pincher
  • Del: come on gimme a kiss
  • Margaret: NO GO FUCK YOURSELF
  • Audience: shit
  • CJ: im sorry what the fuck did you just say
  • Margaret: HE'S NOT ACTUALLY MY BAE I MADE THE WHOLE THING UP SO YOU WOULDN'T KILL ME
  • CJ: lol that's fine except you fuckin lied to me u bitch.
  • Margaret: i know...
  • CJ: YOU HAVE FEELZ FOR MORDECAI DON'T YOU? YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME BUT I'M PUTTING YOU ON THE SPOT SO YOU KINDA HAVE TO
  • Margaret: OKAY FINE I DO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY
  • Mordecai: oh fuck no
  • CJ: fuck u bitch
  • *storms out*
  • Margaret: Morde-
  • Mordecai: NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE ME HERE IN THIS AWKWARD SITUATION
  • Margaret: fuck
  • *literally a day later*
  • Mordecai: aw shit muscle milk's wedding is today
  • Rigby: Don't you mean "Muscle Man"?
  • *phone rings*
  • Mordecai: not this bitch again *picks up phone* HEY CJ WHAT UP?!?!?!
  • CJ: Nothin much, you?
  • Mordecai: Meh
  • CJ:
  • Mordecai:
  • CJ: Byea
  • *hangs up*
  • Rigby: Ummmm
  • Mordecai: IT'S AWKWARD WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT?!
  • Rigby: oh my fuckin godddddd mordecai just go shove ur fluffy dick up cj's ass and it will make everything a lot better for the rest of us
  • *wedding comes*
  • Margaret: Hi, Mordecai, can you usher me to my seat? :3
  • Mordecai: Nice shoes *shoves her in the doorway*
  • Rigby: *facepalms*
  • Mordecai: CJ HIIIIIIIIIII YOU LOOKIN FABULOUS
  • CJ: thanks u know i'm the hottest cloud around and if you disagree with me ur toast
  • Mordecai: Right haha
  • Muscle Man: AW SHIT WHERE'S MY LETTER
  • Mordecai and Rigby: ughhhhhhhhhhh
  • *finds letter*
  • Rigby: Oh yeah me and that mole bitch have been dating for months now
  • Mordecai: WA T TH E F UC K
  • Rigby: Too bad ur not livin the good life. If you want to, go wit your GUT
  • Mordecai: thank u u fatass raccoon
  • Muscle Man and Starla: *gets married*
  • Mordecai: BEFORE WE GET MARRIED LEMME SAY A FEW WORDS OF HONOR
  • Rigby: hoe don't do it
  • Mordecai: EVERYONE HAS A SOULMATE BUT WHY NOT ME? I FUCK UP EVERYONE'S LIVES FOR THE WORSE AND NOW I REALIZE THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE A SOULMATE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. CJ UR TRASH. UR FUCKIN TRASH.
  • Rigby: oh my god
  • CJ: heres your bracelet you little fuck
  • Mordecai: RIGBY YOU TOLD ME TO GO WITH MY GUT
  • Rigby: YOU WENT COMPLETELY INSANE MORDECAI
  • Mordecai: my gut sucks what did you expect
  • Rigby: *looks into the camera like he's in The Office*
NT Moments - ILY
  • ENTJ: *kisses INTP* I love you.
  • INTP: Why are you saying that so often lately?
  • ENTJ: I think it's nice to say.
  • INTP: Don't say it because it's "nice" !?
  • ENTJ: No, I mean, I don't want to regret not saying something important, in case I get hit by a bus and die tomorrow.
  • INTP: Heh...
  • ENTJ: So, that's why. I love you.
  • INTP: I know.
  • INTP: ...
  • INTP: I like you a lot...
  • ENTJ: *chuckles*
  • INTP: *hugs ENTJ and buries her face in his chest*
  • INTP: ...and love you, too.
Mordecai's Love Life Abridged - The Thrilling Saga
  • Mordecai: *sees Margaret*
  • Mordecai: HOLY S HTI I C ANNOT BREA THE SHE SMOKIN HOT
  • Rigby: Go ask her out! She seems nice...
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Rigby: Go ask lady pecs out
  • Mordecai: You kiddin me, I ain't doin that shit
  • Rigby: UGHHHGHGHGHGGHGHGH
  • *five episodes later*
  • Mordecai: Alright, imma do it. I'm gonna do it
  • Margaret: Hey dude wassup?
  • Mordecai: Do you wanna... fuck.
  • Margaret: WHAT?!
  • Mordecai: Nevermind NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE *runs back to Rigby*
  • Rigby: Dude!
  • Mordecai: I tried man, I really did try
  • *he eventually makes up with Margaret and hangs around with her for four seasons not getting anywhere*
  • Mordecai: I'm gonna kiss that hot piece of shit
  • Rigby: Oh lord...
  • Mordecai: it'll be easy!
  • Rigby: DO IT OR YOU'LL HAVE TO WEAR A DIAPER
  • Mordecai: wtf
  • Rigby: DO IT FOR THE VINE
  • Mordecai: Ughhhhhhhhhhh
  • Margaret: What's this shit I'm hearing about a bet?
  • Mordecai: No.
  • Margaret: FUCK YOU MORDECAI. FUCK YOU. *runs off*
  • Mordecai: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
  • Margaret: Oh you want me to save your sorry little ass from freezing to death? Tell me how you REALLY feel about me.
  • Mordecai: OKAY FINE I LIKE YOU, OKAY?
  • Margaret: *nearly kisses him*
  • Margaret: Fuck you you piece of shit
  • *a few episodes later*
  • Eileen: HORY SHIT GUYS A FUCKIN METEOR SHOWER IS GONNA HIT THIS TOWN WITH A BANG *inside her head* hello Rigby you rabie-filled hottie.
  • Mordecai: Cool! I'll be there.
  • Rigby: ACTUALLY DO IT THIS TIME YOU WUSS.
  • *meteor shower hits*
  • Mordecai: Uhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Rigby: DO IT.
  • Mordecai: Stahp im emotionally unstable
  • Old potato guy: Bruh
  • Mordecai: Ughhhhh. Yo Margaret you wanna kiss?
  • *makes out*
  • Margaret: That was a great meteor shower (what the fuck just happened)
  • *dates for awhile*
  • Mordecai: Yo Margaret
  • Margaret: Goin' to college! Fuck you.
  • *loud emotional crying from Mordecai*
  • CJ: Hey Mordecai, I'm a cool ass cloud that puts up with zero shit, have all the same interests as you, and I kill people. You wanna date?
  • Mordecai: gee, I don't know, you're pretty cool, but-
  • Rigby: DO NOT.
  • Mordecai: Fine.
  • CJ: sick
  • *hangs out for awhile*
  • Eileen: GO ON A FUCKIN DATE ALREADY
  • Mordecai and CJ: wut
  • Eileen: DO IT.
  • Mordecai: Fine, u down fo dis CJ?
  • CJ: sure
  • *date than ends with drama and Mordecai and CJ becoming canon*
  • Mordecai: I luv this cloud
  • Rigby: STAHP
  • Mordecai: What?!
  • Rigby: SPEND MORE TIME WIT ME
  • Mordecai: ... bruh
  • Rigby: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • *a few months later*
  • Margaret: Surprise bitch
  • Mordecai: THE FUCK
  • Margaret: I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me
  • Mordecai: No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • CJ: Hey Morde-
  • Mordecai: Shut the fuck up
  • CJ: What?
  • Margaret: Hey CJ!
  • CJ: Hi, I'm Mordo's bitch now
  • Margaret: WAT
  • Mordecai: I, ummmm
  • Margaret: No, it's cool! You need to be happy!
  • Mordecai: thx
  • *hug*
  • Mordecai: I AIN'T LETTIN GO OF YOU
  • Margaret: ME EITHER
  • *makes out*
  • CJ: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
  • Mordecai: well shit
  • Margaret: oh...
  • *runs out crying*
  • Mordecai: NO PLZ FORGIVE ME
  • Eileen: Dis bitch is now my roommate. fuck you.
  • Margaret: you done fucked up Mordecai
  • Mordecai: ...
  • Mordecai: i fucked up. fuck
  • *the next day*
  • Mordecai: what up cj
  • CJ: why the did you invite me to this shithole of a coffee shop
  • Mordecai: idk what happened
  • CJ: Bitch plz
  • Mordecai: Here's a bunch of butt-shaped gifts
  • CJ: OH MY GOD I FORGIVE YOU I FUCKIN LOVE BUTTS
  • Margaret: IM GOIN TO CALL MORDY AT THE WRONG FUCKING TIME. YO MORDY
  • CJ: who the fuck is this bitch
  • Mordecai: The bitch I kissed
  • CJ: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
  • *more sad music*
  • Mordecai: fuck you margaret... fuck you...
  • Sad Sax Guy: IF YOU HAVIN GURL PROBLEMS I FELL BAD FO YOU SON I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AINT ONE
  • Mordecai: shut up and help me cj fuckin hates my guts
  • Sad Sax Guy: Get the bitch you kissed here
  • Mordecai: Fine
  • *at the park*
  • Mordecai: Wut up bitch
  • Margaret: I don't want to get involved even though I should have stopped you from kissing me but I went along with it anyway, so fuck you.
  • Mordecai: You're a good friend
  • *hugs*
  • CJ: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
  • Mordecai: goddammit...
  • Sad Sax Guy: Lol just put up a bunch of cheap-ass performances fo her
  • Mordecai: thanks lmao
  • CJ: is this a fuckin joke
  • Mordecai: Yo up Cee- *gets hit by bus*
  • CJ: JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU OKAY
  • Mordecai: Yeah, thing is.... are you?
  • CJ: Feelin' great *slaps him on head with board* bye asshole
  • Rigby: Are you insane?!
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Rigby: STAHP LISTENING TO A WEIRD SHIRTLESS GUY WHO PLAYS THE SAXOPHONE FOR SOME WEIRD REASON
  • Mordecai: Ugh.
  • Sad Sax Guy: Go to your older bitch's house
  • Mordecai: You mean my mom's?
  • Sad Sax Guy: ...
  • *goes to mom's house*
  • Mordecai's Mom: You done fucked up Mordecai
  • Mordecai: I KNOW. HELP ME.
  • Mordecai's Mom: Sway her in.
  • Mordecai: Fine.
  • *goes outside*
  • Mordecai: Rigby, tell dis bitch to look outside
  • Rigby: Look outside
  • CJ: Awwwwwww...
  • *at hospital*
  • CJ: Why the fuck did you kiss that bitch
  • Mordecai: I HAD FEELZ FOR MARGARET AND SEEING HER BROUGHT DOS FEELZ BACK I'M SORRY PLEASE TAKE ME BACK IT WAS MY FAULT.
  • CJ: Fine.
  • *makes out*
  • Sad Sax Guy: Happy holidays, asshole.
  • *a month later*
  • Eileen: YOU GUYZ WANNA SEE SOME FUCKIN SEA TURTS
  • CJ, Mordecai, and Rigby: sure
  • Eileen: YO MARGARET YOU WANNA SEE
  • CJ: no
  • Eileen: wat
  • CJ: NO.
  • Eileen: Oh. Right.
  • *in the car*
  • CJ: you had to kiss dat bitch didnt u mordecai
  • Mordecai: I HAD FEELZ FOR HER I'M SORRY FO DA LAST TIME.
  • *drama with spa shit happens*
  • CJ: Goddammit.
  • *calls Margaret*
  • Margaret: YOOOOOOO CHECK OUT THESE ASSHOLES USIN' TURTLES FO THEIR SPA SHIT, HOW DA FUCK DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY?
  • *a bunch of shit goes down*
  • Eileen: THX MARGARET FO SAVING OUR ASS
  • CJ: I called her u know...
  • Eileen: CJ AWWWWWWWWWW
  • *group hug with margaret*
  • CJ: bitch what the fuck do u think you're doing
  • Margaret: #awkward
  • Eileen: SHUT UP AND HUG ME
  • CJ: i came to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now
  • *a month later*
  • Mordecai: HOLY SHIT A PARTY IS GOIN DOWN AT DAT OTHER BITCH'S HOUSE. YO C-
  • CJ: lol no i'd rather pick up garbage than do that
  • Rigby: Oh right, because-
  • Mordecai: Shut the fuck up Rigby. Look, I'll get u some of dat cake cause u a bae.
  • CJ: THANK YOU MORDECAI *hugs*
  • Mordecai: *sees Margaret*
  • Mordecai: NOPE *runs into bathroom*
  • Rigby: dude... what the fuck...
  • Mordecai: I AIN'T FUCKIN ANYTHING UP IN HERE
  • Rigby: bruh...
  • Mordecai: Fine...
  • Margaret's Dad: YO DIAPER BOY I GOT A SEAT IN THE HELI FO YA YOU WANNA RIDE WIT DA FAM?
  • Mordecai: shit
  • *goes onto helicopter*
  • Margaret: How's the park? :)
  • Mordecai: FUCK HER RIGHT IN DA PUSSY
  • Margaret: stahp acting weird oh my god...
  • Mordecai: I HAVE TO U DON'T UNDERSTAND
  • CJ: lol so some bitch got burned by a river and... what the fuck is my bitch doing with that bitch...
  • Mordecai: oh no. don't.
  • CJ: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MORDECAI I AM DONE TRUSTING YOU YOU PIECE OF GODDAMN BIRD SHIT YOU CAN GO SUCK ON MARGARET'S EGGS FOR ALL I CARE *rages*
  • Mordecai: NO STAHP I'VE BEEN TELLIN YOU A HUNDRED FUCKIN TIMES I AM NOT WIT THIS BITCH ANYMORE
  • CJ: LIAR
  • *almost kills Margaret's parents*
  • Margaret: MOMMMMMMMMMMMM DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
  • Margaret's parents: well fuck u wanna do a mannonball into the pool
  • *lands*
  • CJ: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR *knocks Margaret off helicopter*
  • Margaret: I HAVE A BAE LITERALLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN CJ
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Margaret's dad: lol wut
  • CJ: lol wut
  • Margaret's Boyfriend: lol hi guyz wut up
  • Margaret: SO SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN
  • Mordecai: thank god *lands helicopter*
  • CJ: *cries*
  • Mordecai: yo bitch i got u cake
  • CJ: you might as well take that cake and shove it up my ass mordecai
  • Mordecai: lol ok
  • CJ: IT's A FIGURE OF SPEECH YOU MORON
  • Mordecai: oh
  • CJ: I FUCKED UP. I ALMOST KILLED DIS BITCH'S PARENTS-
  • Margaret: will u please stop referring to me as "bitch"
  • CJ: ANNNNNNYWAAAAYYYS I ALMOST KILLED THEM ALL OVER NOTHING
  • Mordecai: yeah u did that....
  • CJ: I HAVE TO LEAVE I'M HAVING FEELZ
  • *CJ runs off as "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi plays in the background*
  • *a few months later*
  • Margaret: zzzzzzzzz HOLY FUCK oh my god *shoves head on couch* EILEEN GET YOUR MOLE ASS IN HERE
  • Eileen: oh god not this shit again
  • Margaret: I don't actually have a bae! I made the whole thing up so CJ wouldn't kick my ass! WHAT DO I DO
  • Eileen: Tell the truth?
  • Margaret: bitch pls
  • *knocking on door*
  • Eileen: you know that bitch that almost killed your parents? well, she's here
  • Margaret: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE *opens the door*
  • CJ: Hey, Margaret! :3
  • Margaret: Hey, uh, CJ...
  • CJ: Look I'm sorry for pretty much the whole time that I've known you with killing your parents, destruction and all that other shit, but can we get to know each other a little bit? You can bring your bae if you want!
  • Margaret: KEWL
  • CJ: Awesome! *leaves*
  • Margaret: OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE
  • Eileen: Get Del here
  • Margaret: YO DEL CAN YOU PRETEND TO BE MY SUGAR DADDY FOR THE DAY
  • Del: lol sure
  • Margaret: RIGBY COME UP WITH A SCRIPT
  • Rigby: k
  • Del: *literally fucks everything up*
  • CJ: he cool
  • Margaret: ikr
  • Del: how you guys doing (ohhhhh dis is da best ass ive felt all my life)
  • Margaret: good I guess (get your fucking meat sticks off my ass)
  • Margaret: YOU'RE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP
  • Del: i know
  • Margaret: RIGBY DEL IS-
  • Rigby: fuck u bitch *hangs up*
  • Mordecai: i like del. hes pretty cool
  • Margaret: lol yeah
  • Mordecai: :>
  • Margaret: (oh my god mordecai's adorable as shit) DEL IS NOT ACTUALLY-
  • Bar: LOL HERE COMES A FUCKIN KISS CAM TO LITERALLY FUCK EVERYTHING UP. AND NOW LET'S "COINCIDENTALLY" POINT IT TOWARDS MARGARET AND DEL TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Margaret: oh god i have to kiss this ass pincher
  • Del: come on gimme a kiss
  • Margaret: NO GO FUCK YOURSELF
  • Audience: shit
  • CJ: im sorry what the fuck did you just say
  • Margaret: HE'S NOT ACTUALLY MY BAE I MADE THE WHOLE THING UP SO YOU WOULDN'T KILL ME
  • CJ: lol that's fine except you fuckin lied to me u bitch.
  • Margaret: i know...
  • CJ: YOU HAVE FEELZ FOR MORDECAI DON'T YOU? YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME BUT I'M PUTTING YOU ON THE SPOT SO YOU KINDA HAVE TO
  • Margaret: OKAY FINE I DO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY
  • Mordecai: oh fuck no
  • CJ: fuck u bitch
  • *storms out*
  • Margaret: Morde-
  • Mordecai: NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE ME HERE IN THIS AWKWARD SITUATION
  • Margaret: fuck
Scene from my much better movie
  • Bus Driver: Sorry, everyone. Looks like there's a bomb on the bus that will explode if the bus goes over 100 MPH.
  • Passengers: (Gasp in shock)
  • Bus Driver: It's okay, though. I'll let you off at the next sto-
  • Chad, the douchebag Bus Driver from the rival bus company: (Drives up in his cool new hyper fast bus)
  • Bus Driver: (Internally) Boy, I hate that gosh darn chad!
  • Chad: Oh look, it's the biggest gaybo in town. I see you're still riding around in that old clunker.
  • Bus Driver: Buzz off, Chad. Nobody has time for your mess.
  • Chad: I think they'll have plenty of time if they ride with me. My new bus is so fast that I can get everyone to their stops by hitting a constant speed of 100 MPH.
  • Passengers: (Oooh and aaah and leave the bus to ride on Chad's better bus)
  • Bus Driver: No, don't go! Gosh dang it, Chad! I know these streets better than you ever could. I bet I could beat your stinky new bus to every stop without a sweat.
  • Chad: Oh, really? Then I challenge you to a race. And if you lose... (Dramatic music plays) YOUR GAY!
  • Bomb Technician: (Over the Radio) No, don't do it. It's impossible!
  • Bus Driver: It's fine. I know all of the shortcuts through the city. I can beat him by just going 99 MPH.
  • Bomb Technician: No! I refuse to let you do it. It's too risky. Disengage now!
  • Captain of the Bus Company: Let him go, Dave.
  • Bomb Technician: But!
  • Captain: I said let him go. He knows these streets better than anyone else, he can do it
  • Bus Driver: Thanks for having faith in me, captain... I mean, father.
  • Captain: It's been 20 years since you last called me father. Godspeed, Son.
  • Bomb Technician: This is insane.
  • Captain: Maybe to you who has never driven a bus, but we bus drivers have a great sense of pride. And well, if it's crushed, we might as well be dead. Besides, I can never disparage a man for not wanting to look like a big gaybo.
  • (Bus doors close dramatically)
  • Bus Driver: I gonna make the wheels on this bus go round and round.
  • (Diplo remix of Smack My Bitch Up begins to play as both busses race off)