don't change others

pet peeve: posts that imply mlk ended up dead BECAUSE he practiced nonviolence. as though he shoulda got up and karate chopped the perpetrator and that would have saved him

TO PEOPLE WRITING HISPANIC / LATINX CHARACTERS:

  • not everyone goes by latinx. there is a big movement now because spanish is a gendered language that many people identify as latinx, not all of us do. some of us are completely okay saying latina or latino. it doesn’t make anyone better or worse, it’s a preference.
  • know the difference between hispanic and latinx. they are not interchangeable and many people ( myself included and i’m puerto rican ) prefer to be called hispanic. if you don’t know the difference, google is your friend.
  • stop fetishing us. we are people. this isn’t like being into roleplay, we are a people. we have a culture an identity and turning characters / people into the lowest common denominator of a specified group contributes to a culture where la migra porn is a thing. it’s disgusting. STOP.
  • STOP SEXUALIZING US. this goes with the above but honestly, this is the worst thing i’ve seen. women come in all shapes and sizes. not all hispanic / latinx women are that hourglass shape. 
    • not all of us have big boobs or a big ass. some of us are thick minus that shape and are called gorda / gordita. there’s a culture that makes women that are on the bigger side but don’t have this hourglass shape to exercise more or are told that they need to put down the fork. placed in a culture that wants their women thick but not like that
    • THE FLIP SIDE, some of us are very skinny. some of are called flaca. are constantly told that we don’t look like we’re hispanic / latinx because ‘ aren’t you supposed to have curves ? ‘ some of us are told to eat more because we’re ‘ letting our people down ‘ simply by walking around with no curves.
    • if your muse is skinny and hispanic / latinx: EMBRACE IT. if you muse is thick but not that curvy shape that’s stereotypical, EMBRACE IT. stop having body claims that are disproportionate / are completely different than your muse because they have to look like that because of x, y, z.
  • not everyone speaks spanish fluently. some people speak spanish as their second language. some as their first. some learned both at the same time. and some learned spanish in high school as a requirement and otherwise know little to nothing at all. all of these are okay. it’s not whitewashing to have a character disconnected from their culture because their parents / whoever raised them chose not to teach them this skill. it’s something that happens. it’s realistic.
  • spanglish is a thing but not the way you’re thinking. people that don’t speak spanish fluently / know enough but not all don’t just go: today i’m going to la tienda. that’s not how it works. sometimes we’re speaking spanish fluently and we have a brain fart and might go, ‘ uh… store ‘ momentarily forgetting that word in spanish. sometimes we’re speaking english and then we get pissed and that’s when we go from english to a whole lotta shit you might not understand but we do. spanglish is not half a sentence in spanish and half in english. 
  • stop contributing to stereotypes. not everyone is named maria with a last name like lopez. there are plenty of people with white people names. just like maria is a hispanic / latinx name, so can nicole. if the person holding that name is of that ethnicity, it’s not a white person name anymore. you can have first generation people with parents that are capable of handling their everyday lives without their ‘ translator ‘. you can have families not super close-knit. they can have small families. they can have big. they could grow up poor. they could grow up well off. all of these things are not far-fetched or unrealistic. they are reality.
  • STOP WHITE WASHING. this can be a whole post of it’s own but just… stop. you like that faded aesthetic, cool. you can get that aesthetic without turning your muse white. just like that actor / model / etc. takes faded pics on their phone and it doesn’t stop them from having their skin color, you can work your ass in photoshop the same way.
  • NOT ALL OF US ARE BROWN. some of us are black. some of us are white and burn in the sun. some of us are brown. some of us have blonde hair and blue eyes. some have red hair and freckles. some of us have thick, coarse hair. some have fine, thin hair. some of us have short, tight curls. we don’t all look like george lopez or america ferrera. 
            honestly, i’m just tired of seeing these things in the rp world. people that want to rp someone else’s culture but take a look at a buzzfeed clip for two seconds and say nailed it ! and no, not everyone is like this. not everyone contributes to this culture of stereotypes / lack of research on a culture they’re writing      but enough do. so please, if you’re writing a character of hispanic / latinx decent, do some research. google. ask your friends ( real life, on here ) that are of that decent. you can learn some slang, some things that maybe aren’t on google. no one on this website really bites, especially if you’re trying to correctly portray their ethnicity. so just please make sure you’re not contributing to some of these things and write your lovely character !

#squad goals

2

he’ll get promoted soon

i didn’t expect him to somehow make his way onto my main team tbh

4

Oh, whatever you do
Don’t come b a c k for me (x)

2

#dgraymanweek || Day 2: Lonely Boy

Option A: Favorite Character « Kanda Yuu »

Today’s a good day to remind my followers that it’s impossible to be unintentionally manipulative. It’s possible to be unintentionally hurtful, or to not be aware that your actions effect others and of course listening to others when they say they’re uncomfortable is important. But I think that the fear ‘what if I’m actually a monstrous manipulator and I don’t know it’ is a manufactured one– real abusive people behave as if they had no idea their actions were harmful, but that doesn’t mean they actually are ignorant to what they’re doing. They derive a position of power from manipulation or abuse and even if it’s something they take for granted it’s not an accident.

In any social situation it’s normal to have goals and to try and obtain a result that’s beneficial to you. That’s not an act of manipulation, but an act of ordinary interaction. But, especially among women (and this anxiety seems to skew predominantly to those who are assigned female at birth or are trans women and thus feel judgement people make of women) there is this toxic ideal that only bad women and girls have needs, and that voicing your needs or wants, otherwise working towards them and curating your situation like an ordinary person is manipulative and wicked. And it’s not exclusive to women either– there are many people who are expected to be selfless as a default. The idea of a selfless caregiver or provider blurs the lines between people who derive control from abusing this ordinary social contract, and people who just are engaging in it normally.

There’s also the strange sense that one is a ‘fraud’ when engaging in many kinds of social interactions, or that one’s ‘just saying what others expect to hear.’ Too much of this probably could make someone feel like they’re manipulating others by shamming their identity or personality. Inauthenticity is something that young people, and especially women and girls struggle with but it doesn’t make a conniving mastermind who’s tricking others into thinking they’re a great friend. At times we all will engage in this kind of obligatory social interaction where we’re just doing maintenance on our relationships or preserving order. Finding a level of authenticity or social intimacy where one’s able to feel safe and honest can be difficult and at certain times of your life might even be rare.

If somebody really and truly is not aware that they’re trying to control others in their lives, that points to that they probably need some form of mental health care and are trying to stay on top of what might for them be an out-of-control life or scenario. They’re not likely to be successful and they’re probably not able to plan or achieve much more than maybe lying to someone else out of fear or trying to change their short-term. And they’re likely to self-sabotage.

Manipulative people definitely exist and not all of them are highly premeditated schemers. But a lack of intention is almost never in the picture. Most of the time that we can fear if we’re ‘unintentionally manipulative’ what we’re really afraid of is if we’re not honest, humble, selfless enough or have too many needs– we’re trained to see ‘good people’ as egoless, going through life like miracle plants who need no water or sunshine to flourish. It’s not manipulative to engage in normal interactions where you want others to like and understand you, and change your approach to achieve that social goal.

  • Everyone: Regina, you used to be evil but you've stopped and become a hero and you haven't killed anyone in ages, come join us!
  • Regina: :)
  • Everyone: Hook, you were a villain but you turned around and now you're a hero and you haven't killed anyone in ages either, come join us!
  • Hook: :)
  • Everyone: Zelena, you were a villain and a bit annoying until very recently but you have no magic now and you've been pretty good lately so hey, come join us!
  • Zelena: :)
  • Everyone: Rumple, you... are still the Dark One and you almost got us all killed like two hours ago, AGAIN, and refused to help Henry fix things, AGAIN
  • Everyone:
  • Everyone: come join us!
  • Regina:
  • Hook:
  • Zelena:
  • Everyone: well we're sure he won't try to screw us over a seventh time, that would just be silly
  • Rumple: :)