don't ask me why i have no reasons for the things i do

Deep Ass Starters.
  • Sometimes it's hard to get in depth with your muse and their backstory, because you can't figure out how to bring those things up with others. Here are a couple of starters intended to make things a little more personal!
  • "What's holding you back?"
  • "I'm not comfortable with this conversation."
  • "Will you /ever/ be comfortable with this conversation?"
  • "Let me in sometime!"
  • "It's not that easy, you know."
  • "Help me understand."
  • "It's hard to connect with someone when all they do is push you away."
  • "Why are you always so cold?"
  • "Why are you always so happy?"
  • "Are you really happy now?"
  • "Who hurt you this badly to make you this way?!"
  • "What, did your ex mess you up that badly?!"
  • "Why do you keep fighting it any time you feel?"
  • "It's a problem, I get it."
  • "This is all kinds of messed up."
  • "That's not exactly a good coping method."
  • "So what happened, with your parents, really?"
  • "What was your childhood like?"
  • "Everyone has at lest a little bit of mommy/daddy issues. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
  • "My parents aren't exactly perfect models, either."
  • "You were bullied? What for?"
  • "Was it hard? Coming out, I mean."
  • "You can't just run away all the time."
  • "You can't just hide all the time."
  • "Are you still thinking about them?"
  • "I'm not the enemy here. But this makes me wonder who the real one is for you."
  • "Is the reason you're so cold and defensive because you feel threatened?"
  • "How long has it been since you last spoke to them?"
  • "You never talk about it, why?"
  • "How come you're so different around them?"
  • "It's like you don't have a care or worry in the world."
  • "You seem so perfect. I don't get it."
  • "What was your ex like?"
  • "I don't think I was ever good enough for them."
  • "Are you not comfortable being intimate?"
  • "Why don't you feel comfortable being intimate?"
  • "Letting someone see you that vulnerable, it's a scary thing."
  • "Are you scared of being hurt?"
  • "Have you ever been taken advantage of?"
  • "Why are you afraid of saying I love you?"
  • "I never understood how someone could say those words so easily."
  • "You're hurting others the way you've been hurt in the past, don't you think that's ironic?"
  • "You use people to make yourself feel better."
  • "I'm scared of being used again..."
  • "Losing someone isn't easy, but you're making it harder than it needs to be."
  • "How long has it been since you lost them?"
  • "You're too attached."
  • "I'm not attached, I'm just comfortable with what I'm familiar to."
  • "Maybe the real reason you're so controlling is because, deep down you'd rather have them in your grasp than lose them."
  • "Why did you ever break up?" / "Why did we ever break up?"
THE SIGNS AS DAN HOWELL QUOTES
  • Aries: “Sometimes, when you intensely dislike a person due to something, you just have to take comfort in the fact that, one day, they will be dead.”
  • Taurus: “It's so important to know you should be happy and proud of who you are.”
  • Gemini: "My only regrets are the moments when i doubted myself and took the safe route. Life is too short to waste time being unhappy."
  • Cancer: "I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone."
  • Leo: "You know, people ask me. They say 'Dan, three years later do you really want to be drawing cat whiskers on your face?' but they don't understand. The cat whiskers, they come from within."
  • Virgo: "I'm the living embodiment of 'it could be worse'."
  • Libra: "That’s why I’m here, I’m here for two reasons. To entertain you with stories of my life so , you know, you can find them entertaining. But then maybe compare them to your own lives and not feel so alone with the issues that you go with, go through..."
  • Scorpio: "And the other half of it is me kind of like articulating my own profound observations on the universe, which is really just an excuse to give myself a therapy. Apparently other people enjoy watching it too."
  • Sagittarius: "Actually believe in your potential. You spend all day and all night daydreaming and sometimes talking to yourself... out loud, which people can see by the way so maybe consider stopping that, about all the things you wish you could be and do, but instead you doubt yourself and say its impossible."
  • Capricorn: "This happens all the time with sports results, but — I shit you not — I once got a notification from the BBC News app saying that a character in a show I was watching had just died! I thought that news notifications are supposed to be for impending natural disasters, not for just ruining my bloody afternoon."
  • Aquarius: "You can't expect a kid to be smart enough to realize they can do what they want with their life before they've been pushed through the school system into having an average life.”
  • Pisces: "To me, the meaning of life is to be happy, it's to achieve happiness right now. It's to make sure you're happy in the future and that generally when you look back on your life you're like; yes, that was satisfactory."

wolpasaurus  asked:

I was wondering if you knew anything about the situation with Billy the Asian Elephant at the LA Zoo? I just received an email from the Zoo that a city council motion was filed to remove Billy from the zoo, and they're still trying to fight to keep him. A lot of people claim he appears stressed which is why there's been a big fight to get him moved. I don't really know a lot about elephants so I don't really know what side is best to take or what sources to take seriously (other than the Zoo).

I’ve been following the story of Billy pretty closely. I’m glad you asked - it’s the sort of thing I think is really important to talk about, because people need to understand what’s going on behind the nicely framed stories about animal activism you hear in the media, but I’m never sure how much of that sort of animal industry politics followers are interested in reading. 

The reason this specific instance is so important is because it’s a hell of a lot more complicated than ‘sanctuary vs zoo, which is better for the animals’. The decision to go after Billy - and only Billy, and only right now - looks to me like a really strategic political decision from the animal rights movement, and it falls in line with what I’ve been researching the history, evolution, and MO of the animal rights movement. As I’ve been learning more and more about how animal rights organizations and their partnered sanctuaries conquer and divide to achieve the change they want to see, a very specific pattern of action has started cropping up and this situation exemplifies how they’ve learned to use legislation, the legal system, and the good intentions of the general public to remove animals from zoos. This explanation is going to seem a little bit like jumping at shadows, but this method of petitioning cities to seize zoo animals as assets - and the really conveniently timed fallout that would result from their success - is textbook animal rights organization planning. 

So here’s what you need to know - if Billy is sent to a sanctuary, the LA Zoo would lose their AZA accreditation. They’d likely then be subject to the new wild animal performance law that’s got major support in LA right now, because only AZA institutions would likely have an automatic exemption. The combination of loss of accreditation, potential inability to do public education and outreach, and the ability of the AR groups to spin the situation as ‘AZA kicked them out for being abusive to their elephants’ would massively damage the viability of the zoo as an institution for the foreseeable future… at which point AR groups could easily petition the city to seize more animals from the collection and send them off to sanctuaries, because it’s now “well known” what a horrible institution the LA Zoo is. That would normalize the idea that animal rights organizations and city officials with no professional animal experience know more about animal welfare than the best zoological institutions in the country, and would set a scary precedent regarding what sorts of institutions the public will accept the animal rights organizations condemning and removing animals from. With that sort of potential fallout - and all of the pieces of the puzzle having been successful, individually, within the last decade or so in regards to other animal rights campaigns - this really is not about a single elephant at all. 


AZA has this one really important rule in their accreditation standards, and it boils down to: any zoo they accredit must be considered the experts and have final say over the care of their animals. If anyone external to a AZA accredited zoo overrules that zoo’s choice of care for their animals in any way, that zoo loses their AZA accreditation because they are no longer viewed as having ultimate control over the welfare of their charges. This is really important when it comes to elephants, as the Toronto Zoo lost their AZA accreditation over exactly this situation: animal rights activists caught wind of TZ’s plan to transfer their elephants to a facility in Florida where they’d live in a bigger herd, and petitioned the city council to send the elephants a the Performing Animals Welfare Sanctuary (the same one they want Billy to go to, which has a known history of uncontrolled tuberculosis infections on the property to this day). The Toronto Zoo is a municipal zoo - which means its animals were city property - and the city council chose to claim the elephants as assets, ignore the evidence of animals with active TB already living at the chosen facility, and then overruled the Toronto Zoo staff’s due diligence about what choice would provide the best welfare for their elephants and sent them away to PAWS. Having been overruled by the city council and having lost control of animals in their collection, the Toronto Zoo lost their AZA accreditation. (They later reapplied and were re-accredited). 

So, if the animal rights activists can convince the city council to claim Billy as an asset and remove him to PAWS, it would really damage the LA Zoo as an institution. Their credibility in the eyes of the public would be destroyed, they’d lose exemptions from federal legislation due to losing their AZA status; they’d be forced to pull out of multiple major SSPs (because only AZA institutions are allowed to house animals in the Green level programs, of which LA zoo has number); they’d likely lose grant funding. What’s more, the zoo would then be subject to the recent law banning the use of any exotic animal in “entertainment”in LA, because if has the same structure as similar legislation we’ve seen in other states, only AZA facilities get an exemption. If true, that would mean the zoo would no longer be able to do education and outreach programs with their animals (and this law was backed by PAWS, the organization that runs sanctuary they’re trying to send Billy to). 

There’s a very specific reason that this whole campaign centers on Billy, not all three elephants, which is part of what makes it so clear this is a campaign with an end goal of damaging the LA Zoo’s AZA accreditation. Billy’s two elderly companions, Jewel and Tina, would be far better candidates to be sent to a sanctuary if welfare is really the concern driving the advocacy. They’re rescues from a private owner who were massively underweight and had chronic medical conditions, and it’s not as important for them to stay within AZA’s management as other elephants because they’re too old to contribute to the Asian Elephant SSP. The LA zoo has previously been willing to send older elephants to the PAWS sanctuary without needing intervention from the city council (that story is discussed below), so why is this newer campaign ignoring the elderly females and bypassing the zoo entirely by going to the city council when their welfare would likely be more improved by that sort of move? Jewel and Tina don’t belong to the LA Zoo - they’re officially part of the San Diego Zoo collection and on loan to LA - which means the city council can’t claim them as assets and forcibly remove them. The only elephant at the LA zoo that the LA city council has the ability to control is Billy, and so it’s pretty clear this is about getting the city council to overrule the zoo’s choices in caring for their collection and not about which elephants would benefit most from leaving the zoo environment. 

This is an attempt by the animal rights industry to undermine the LA Zoo as an organization - that much is clear. Billy is just a convenient figurehead and an animal that the public will empathize with while being completely unaware of the the ulterior motives behind the advocacy effort. It comes at a delicate time, too, as the LA Zoo is currently in the process of developing a new master plan for the future of the facility. That’s a future that would be massively impacted by a loss of accreditation and all the potential fallout that would go along with it. 


So that’s the context to the Billy situation, and why people are fighting so hard on both sides of the issue. But what the public really cares about here isn’t the politics, it’s the animal welfare, so here’s a look at history and the welfare of the elephant at the center of all this furor. 

Billy at the LA Zoo. (Photo Credit: San Diego Blogs)

Billy is one of three elephants at the LA Zoo - he’s the youngest, at 32, and the only male. Billy is kept separated from his two elderly female companions, Jewel and Tina, because he’s young enough to still want to reproduce and would injure the elderly ladies if he tried to mount them. However, while the elephants are always separated by a barrier, the exhibit was designed with heavy-duty wire fences that meant the elephants could always be able to see, hear, and touch each other through it. The LA Zoo Asian elephant exhibit is one of the biggest elephant habitats in the United States at 6.5 acres (with almost four acres of yard space), and was opened in 2010 - the construction of a state-of-the-art habitat was part of the resolution from the first time animal rights activists demanded the elephants move to a PAWS sanctuary. 

In 2006, an elderly Asian elephant named Gita died at the LA Zoo. It’s not clear what led to her ending up in position she did, but she was found laying on her back legs with her front legs stretched in front of her. Nothing they did could entice her to stand back up, and she eventually died as her body weight crushed her own tissue and the toxins released during that process overloaded her kidneys. (While this sounds brutal, it’s worth keeping in mind that this is likely how many elderly large animals die if they lay down for the last time in a position that puts their weight on their own body). Animal rights activists had already been agitating for the LA Zoo’s elephants to be sent to a sanctuary, and they used Gita’s death as momentum to push for Billy and the other female housed there at the time, an african elephat named Ruby, to be transported to a sanctuary where it was claimed her welfare would be much higher than at the zoo. The LA Zoo eventually caved to public pressure and chose to send Ruby to PAWS (keeping their AZA accreditation by doing so voluntarily) where she was immediately housed with other animals without a proper quarantine period, exposed to animals who were TB positive and were not diagnosed until after death, and eventually died herself in 2011 from an unknown disease that looked suspiciously like TB (PAWS declined to send out samples for testing, despite what appeared to be physical symptoms observed during the necropsy). 

Gita at the LA zoo in 1999 in the old exhibit. ( Photo Credit: Al Seib / Los Angeles Times)

Billy remained at the LA Zoo after Ruby left, and the organization undertook a 42-million-dollar elephant exhibit renovation with the intention of bringing in another breeding male and a number of females as part of the Asian Elephant SSP. In 2007, local activists sued to halt construction of the exhibit with the goal of removing elephants from the LA zoo permanently and forcing Billy into a sanctuary - after a case that was drawn out for a number of years and repeatedly stalled exhibit construction, the judge assigned instead that the LA Zoo was allowed to continue exhibiting elephants but was required to exercise them frequently, make regular exhibit improvements such as tilling the soil, and banned the use of tools such as bullhooks and guides at the facility. When the new elephant exhibit opened in 2010, the LA zoo decided to put breeding plans for Billy on hold in order to house a pair of bonded female Asian elephants - Jewel and Tina - who had recently been removed from a private owner who had neglected their medical care. 

The three elephants share access to the large, heated elephant barn and have 24/7 access to five unique outdoor yards. Each yard has a substrate of soft sand that is tilled regularly to keep it from becoming compacted and hard - the shifting motion of the sand helps keeps the elephants in shape as they walk over it - and each yard has unique features like puzzle feeders, bathing pools and waterfalls. 

Browse and treats are placed at unique locations around all the yards each day, encouraging the elephants to explore their environment anew each morning. In addition, a comprehensive environmental enrichment program makes sure the elephants always have novel objects and stimuli to interact with and a daily training session (which the public is able to watch as a demonstration most days a week) keeps them mentally engaged by practicing foot care, grooming, practice for any veterinary behaviors that might be needed, as well as strength- and balance-focused exercises.

The AZA accreditation standards - which cover general animal policy in 34 pages, and use another 12 to cover animal interactions with the public or use in education programs - have dedicated 32 pages specifically to the regulations regarding elephant husbandry, training, nutrition, body condition, enrichment, and welfare assessments. As a large AZA-accredited zoo that frequently falls under the celebrity-studded, critical eye of the local populace, it’s inconceivable that Billy’s care (and that of Tina and Jewel) is not in accordance with these highly detailed requirements. 

Photos of the new LA Zoo elephant exhibit. (Photo credits: The Portico Group).

The LA Zoo’s elephant exhibit, finished in 2010, was designed by The Portico Group, a design firm founded in Seattle, WA in 1990. The Portico Group’s exhibit designs consistently awards every year within the industry for their incorporation of the newest animal welfare science and management technologies as well as educational and interpretive options. Their design for the LA Zoo is on par with the quality of the rest of their designs, and features a similar amount of yard space for the elephants as the design they created for the widely-praised Cheyenne Mountain Zoo’s Africa expansion that opened in 2013. 

Billy in his habitat at the LA Zoo. (Photo Credit: AP Photo/Richard Vogel)


One of the biggest reasons people express a concern for Billy is a head-bobbing behavior he’s been known to perform his entire tenure at the LA Zoo. The public is aware that repetitive behaviors (called stereotypies) can be signs of low quality welfare, and often worry that means that Billy isn’t being well taken care of at the zoo. However, one thing that isn’t commonly known about sterotypical behaviors is that once developed, they rarely go away once the animal is in a better welfare situation - which leads guests to often misunderstand an animal’s behavior as it relates to their current care. 

The LA Zoo has studied Billy’s head bobbing behavior over the years, and concluded that it appears to be an anticipatory behavior rather than one brought on by stress, as it mainly occurs when the elephant is awaiting the arrival of food, expecting a keeper interaction, or getting ready for movement into another area of his habitat. They also found that Billy had been noted to be displaying the head bobbing behavior when he came to the zoo at age 4 and that it was not something not something he developed during his life at the facility. 

Just because the behavior doesn’t mean that Billy has low welfare in his situation at the LA Zoo doesn’t mean the staff just want to leave him to bob and sway: to help decrease the amount of head-bobbing Billy does and engage him in a range of other behaviors, the keeper staff change their husbandry routine slightly each day and provide enrichment at different times in order to keep him investigating his environment instead of standing and waiting for regular occurrences. 


At the end of the day, Billy’s welfare does not appear to be the impetus pushing this current furor around “rescuing him” - he’s a convenient figurehead for what appears to be a well-coordinated attempt to undercut the LA Zoo’s credibility and accreditation status. 

But even though the actual welfare of the elephant is irrelevant to the organizations pushing this agenda, the general public is now very invested in understanding Billy’s welfare in regards to the outcome of this situation. 

The sanctuary animal rights activists are recommending Billy be sent to has multiple issues with basic elephant husbandry and medical treatment. PAWS was unable to evacuate their elephants in when threatened by a massive wildfire in 2015, due to their policy against doing even the most basic husbandry training with their animals that would have allowed them to be walked into a trailer or crated for transport. Instead, the animals were sheltered on site as the fire came within a few miles of the facility, putting them through massive amounts of stress and resulting in probable smoke inhalation. PAWS frequently take in animals that are reported as healthy upon transport, only to report having to euthanize them within a few years due to crippling chronic conditions. Most concerning is that PAWS appears to be plagued by frequent tuberculosis outbreaks among their elephants, potentially with multiple strains of the disease, despite their stated adherence to biosafety protocols -and that they have had at least one animal die while sick with active, contagious TB infections that were only discovered post-mortem. 

Billy is currently housed in a modern elephant habitat that was created in accordance with best practices for elephant management by outstanding architects - a remodel that was done specifically in response to the original welfare concerns about LA Zoo’s elephants in the late 2000′s. He has access to state-of-the-art veterinary medicine and is cared for by a dedicated team keepers who practice medical treatment behaviors, like foot care, with him daily to ensure that he can quickly receive treatment in a stress-free setting if it becomes necessary in the future. LA Zoo’s elephant keepers work hard to keep Billy active, mentally stimulated, and make sure he has plenty of positive social interactions with both the human and elephant members of his herd. 

If the goal of the general public is Billy’s welfare, he is far better off in a habitat designed for him to inhabit with the staff he has known for a better part of two decades than being sent across the country to a facility with massive red flags in their elephant management program just to fulfill a political movement’s agenda of damaging the facility that holds him. 


Citations under the cut. 

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anonymous asked:

Hello! How would you write a dialogue in which a character is freaking out about something? I generally have them word vomit but I don't really like that style. If its too much could you show me an example as well?

Hi!

You could definitely word vomit – especially if your character is hysterical – but that’s not the only way to do it by any means. I know a few other ways.

1. Calmly.
This is strange, considering your character is freaking out, but the freak-out is internal – they’re shutting themselves off due to shock. In this case, they would be quiet, sane, and even if what they’re saying is illogical, it would probably sound reasonable.

“I was right there when she shot him. He dropped like a sack of flour. I figured he was gone as soon as the bullet hit his chest. So now I’ve decided I’m gonna go after her. Right now. And I’m gonna kill her.”
“What? You can’t do that!”
“Sure I can. She killed him, so I kill her. It’s called justice.”
“But- With just your bare hands?”
“The way I feel right now, my bare hands are more than enough.”

Notice how the character who just watched their friend die in front of them isn’t yelling, isn’t stuttering, isn’t getting angry or crying – they’re perfectly calm, almost to the point of complete emotional shutdown.

2. Angrily.
Some people get angry when they lose control and freak out – it scares them, and the fear manifests itself as anger. This type particularly happens when they’re upset about something and other characters aren’t taking it seriously or are shrugging off their concerns.

“No! It’s happening tonight! We don’t have time to think, or weigh things, we need to fucking leave! Now!”
“We can’t. You know that, and you’d remember that, if you were thinking straight-”
“I am thinking straight! It’s you who’s fucked in the head. I don’t give a damn what you think we can and can’t do, we need to clear out of here, right this second.”

As you can see, this character is freaking out – their concerns may or may not have a firm foundation, but obviously they are concerned, and that concern is manifesting itself as fury.

3. By stuttering.
For some people, it’s hard to talk when they panic, because their minds race forward ahead of their mouths and they get tongue-tied. I typically see/use this with more anxious characters, or with characters who aren’t typically good at speaking anyways (in other words, who are uncomfortable talking).

There are a couple of different ways to stutter:
a. Repeat the beginning of each word.

“I tr-tried to s-save him, but he wuh-wouldn’t l-let me … he knew it was g-going to happen. It’s my f-fault!”

(However, keep in mind that this kind of stuttering is more as if your character is crying and trying to talk through sobs and hiccups. Please use it sparingly – it can get old fast.)

b. Repeat words.

“No. No, I don’t know what’s going on, Ricky. Ricky, why would I have any idea? Don’t fucking look at me like that, Ricky. Don’t look at me like I’m lying.”

c. Insert filler sounds: “ah”, “uh”, “um”, and/or curse words.

“I, uh, I- fuck. I, ummm, I think maybe, ah, maybe we should leave?”

For more on stuttering – it can be hard to peg correctly – check out this post.

I hope this helps! If you need anything else, please feel free to ask. - @authors-haven

Reunion

“You grew up.”

He laughs, rough and edging just slightly on bitter.

“Yeah, that happens when you disappear for two years.”

Derek’s eyes flit downward, and Stiles waits for him to comment on the FBI vest strapped to his chest but he doesn’t. His eyes only go so far as Stiles’ mouth, flicking back to his eyes and then down again, lingering, before sliding away. A warmth blooms out from Stiles’ chest, crawling up his neck and coiling downward, and this definitely isn’t the time for this but they haven’t seen each other in a year and a half, not even pictures because why the hell would Stiles have a picture of Derek (and he’s spent too long cursing not having pictures of Derek) and he finds his own eyes lingering.

“…You look exactly the same.” And that’s not true because Derek actually looks better, but there’s no real way to explain that Stiles hadn’t been able to hold all of the goddamn perfection of Derek’s face in his memory. He’d thought he had, but his eyes keep flitting around now and holding, catching on little details, little rushes of rediscovery in those eyes, that jaw, his teeth, his mouth, his…

Stiles wets his lips, and Derek’s looking again.

“We should––”

“I should have called,” Derek says at the same time, and Stiles blinks, breaking off, confusion pinching his brows because Derek hadn’t known Stiles was coming. He’d had no reason to call. Except… “After… Peter told me what happened, and I…”

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but it wasn’t any less fine than anything else from that shit show. It wasn’t any worse than Derek leaving town and getting rid of his phone to begin with.

“I felt sick the whole time you were gone,” Derek presses on, quick and urgent, like the words had been fighting for months to bubble loose and are finally breaking free. “I felt… Cora said it seemed like I’d just… emptied out. On the full moon, I could barely––”

Stop it.” It stung, because he’d thought Derek would care. For the longest time he’d felt like Derek should care, and deciding he didn’t was the first stepping stone to pulling himself together after… after the Benefactor.

Or… fuck, maybe Derek had cared, but he hadn’t cared enough to stay, to keep in contact, to check in when Stiles had needed… needed someone.

No, fuck. Needed him.

“This isn’t the time,” he says, firmly, because a fucking FBI SWAT team is nearby somewhere and there’s still a target painted on Derek’s back, and the fact that Stiles wants to crawl onto his lap and beat the crap out of him at the same time doesn’t matter, because Stiles is here to save his life. Again.

Derek parts his lips, looks like he wants to argue… and ends up just nodding, looking away up the street.

Stiles makes it a whole three steps toward the next corner before swinging back on him, balled fist smacking his bicep.

“Why didn’t you call?”

Derek doesn’t flinch at the blow. Sighs softly. When he meets Stiles’ eyes, the look in them’s enough to send months of coiled anger scattering.

“I would have gone back.”

“…What?” Stiles feels breathless on the word. Derek looks away, hands lost in the depths of his pockets and stance set in the defeated posture of a man with no way to win.

“If I’d heard your voice. If you’d asked. If you’d even sounded anything less than happy––” He grits his teeth, sharp and sudden, head ducking against some ugly thought. “…And I didn’t want to hear you happy, either.” That falls out lower, tight and rough like a secret shame.

“You didn’t want to hear me happy,” Stiles echoes, numb, and then slowly: “Without you.”

And he only understands Derek’s meaning because it’s been echoing in his own chest for over a year–– that stupid, selfish war of wanting to know he’s happy, and not wanting to know he’s happy, not wanting to hear him making a life and finding bliss in a way Stiles couldn’t give him. He’d always wanted to know Derek was doing well, so much that he’d lain up at night sometimes picturing new, bright, sometimes ridiculously corny futures for him… but the thought had always been as agonizing as it was hopeful and Stiles had never slept well afterward. And then he’d spent other nights up hating himself for being selfish enough to half-hope Derek might not be happy.

Might fail out there in the world, and come home.

Derek’s eyes are on his again, wide and shock-soft in a way Stiles had only glimpsed on him once before: the rush of thinking you’re alone in the world and realizing for one beautiful instant that you’re understood

He can feel a matching expression lighting up his own eyes.

“We’re idiots,” he breathes, and Derek shakes his head, barely seeming to feel the movement.

“I couldn’t go back there.”

“But you could have known I fucking missed you as much as––” He breaks off, despite everything suddenly unsure. “…you missed me?”

“I missed you.” Derek promises, not missing a beat.

“You missed me,” Stiles echoes, and it’s everything he never knew he needed to hear. They watch each other for too long, stunned, awed stillness.

And then the slam of a car door in the distance pulls them back; reminds them where they are and what’s happening. Derek blinks away, looking out and alert toward the street, but Stiles can see a faint flush around his ears, a happy pull that won’t quite die on his lips.

“This isn’t the time,” Derek says, and Stiles nods. There are villains to stop. People to save.

“This isn’t the time,” he echoes, but he’s smiling as he turns to head up the street. “Later.”

It sounds like a promise worth keeping.

Hogwarts Headcannons
  • Give me Dean, muggleborn that he is, imitating Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class, much to everyone's confusion except for Harry and Hermione who are. On the ground. Unable to breathe. And refusing to explain why.
  • Give me Harry, demisexual that he is, realizing that the reason he can't stop obsessing over Draco is because Draco is the one who saw - and subsequently disliked - 'Harry', and not The Boy Who Lived. Realizing that Draco was the only one to first talk to him for HIM, in that robe shop, and not his parents or fame (because even Ron and Hermione did that at first). And thus, leading to him randomly starting crying in the middle of lunch and claiming he's doomed, much to everyone's fear.
  • Give me Seamus, pyro that he is, super happy one Christmas when Hermione buys him a book on fire caution, flammable materials, and elements such as magnesium. Thus afterward, the mysterious fires that have always happened are far more safe and controlled.
  • Give me Luna, wonderful airhead that she is, being stared at as, calm as anything, she waltzes right into the Slytherin common room and starts talking to the mermaids like its absolutely normal. A first year drops a book he's staring so hard, because HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD. Draco just sighs, gets up, goes over to her, and offers her tea.
  • Give me Draco. Who looks on as Neville offers Harry rhubarb pie that he made himself, as Harry stares forlornly at his Treacle Tart, and makes and annoyed sound. "Dammit Longbottom he hates bittersweets." The Slytherins stare and Pansy just mutters "How do you even know these things. Merlin, help him realize."
  • Give me Parvati, who is being constantly mistaken for her sister by Ron, who panics and screams "IM A LESBIAN" when it gets to be too much.
  • Give me Ron, who stares wide-eyes from a distance whenever he sees Padma from that moment on for a full week, until Padma flips out too and hexes him. Parvati awkwardly wonders why Ron starts getting scared whenever she tries to approach from then on, since she knows Ron doesn't have problems due to that sort of thing from how he handles Harry.
  • Give me the thirty or so of the school's Muggle-raised, who made the mistake of showing their folks howlers, and react accordingly whenever one of the families sends one that is just a recording of Rick Astley, or High School Musical, or spoilers for Doctor Who. And the Wizard-raised just... staring... in fear... watching their savior and multiple other students as they run around screaming and crying in an absolute panic for some reason even though it was a different student that got the weird howler.
  • Give me Harry, whose hair surprises people by being dark red like his mother's when in direct sunlight. And usually at the Weasley den they're inside, but one day Harry joins them outside for a picnic, and Molly is so confused about where Harry went to then has do do a mental tally of her children.
  • Give me George, who in the midst of the final battle, hit Lucius with an Anaticula curse, so that every spell he tries makes a duck instead. And the Death Eaters are just so confused. "Lucius... is that a duck?"
  • Give me the Gryffindor common room. The new first years suggest Monopoly for game night. The entire room goes dead silent. One first year tries to ask what they did wrong. "Never mention that game again," is the only response they get. "But why-" "NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR. WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR." Their brave upperclassman Neville yells, trembling. Hermione starts crying. Harry goes into a panic attack. Ron whispers, "There are many reasons we don't talk about sixth year. If The Incident had been the only thing that happened, we would only not talk about The Incident. Many things happened that year. Thus, we do not speak of that year, or of that game."
  • Give me McGonagall, who struggles to control the cat population, because while students are told to have their cats fixed you know not all 100 students that brought cats did so. Her curling up around a litter that lost their mother to illness. Training them to stalk the corridors. Albus had his ways of getting information, and hers is the spy network of cats.
  • Give me muggleborns singing everything from Phantom of the Opera to Katy Perry in the corridors. Singing We Will Rock You to a pureblood who disses them for it. The purebloods thinking the weird songs and their tunes are some kind of Rite of Passage and fleeing whenever a muggleborn student starts singing. Altering song lyrics. "I throw my ferret in the air some-times, singin EEEEEEEYO, this is DRAAAAAACO!"
  • Give me muggleborns that are really confused about the whole quill instead of pens things, throwing transfigured pokeballs in Care of Magical Creatures, the band students bringing kazoos and harmonicas and the wizrd-raised students that are just so confused as to how those things even work, because it must be some sort of air magic, right??
  • Give me muggleborns making entire conversations out of pop culture references specifically to confuse some Slytherin who just called one girl a Mudblood. "These are not the droids you were looking for." "I'm right on top of that now Rose, I promise." -jazz hands-
  • Give me muggleborns with Patronus that are things like Pikachu, velociraptors, the quiet Canadian transfer student with a moose patronus the size of a SMALL HOUSE, the one whose is a angeled-out Castiel, the one whose patronus is the democrat donkey and another the republican elephant and the two, previously best friends, become mortal enemies rivaling the fame of Harry and Draco.
  • Give me muggleborns hugging each other before break, promising to 'call' each other, trading weird codes, how they can't wait to go for 'sushi' or planning that trip together to 'disneyland' where they can go flying?? But no one's allowed magic?? Or flying?? And the wizard-raised think that somehow, shockingly,<i> these children totally new to our world have developed a way to cheat the system?? Muggleborns are badasses!!</i>
  • Give me muggleborns who are fully aware that the anti-tech wards were made when, like, radios barely even existed, much less cellphone towers and microprocessors, so while they can't turn them on inside the stone school walls there's this group that Harry joins constantly that just sit there in silence staring at these tiny things and sometimes randomly laughing hysterically, and every now and then standing and just running all the way across to the other side of the lake all at the same time with no signal whatsoever. The purebloods are <i>terrified</i> of this frequent happening.
  • Give me Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Justin from the D.A, muggleborns they are, doing a movie night every week to help the D.A. relax and bond. They re-start this after the battles, during eighth year, with several other people such as the returned Slytherins joining in. The entire year they play things like Tangled, The Breakfast Club, Brave, Lion King. But then the last four weeks, they announce they don't want to mislead everyone that everything is all fun and rainbows. The last four movies are My Sister's Keeper, The Shining, Marley and Me, and for the last week, a marathon of the entire Jurassic Park series.
  • Give me Hufflepuffs, who secretly are very relieved to be the 'normal' House. Jocks over there, know-it-alls over there, goth wannabees over there, now lets go camp out by the kitchens we're gonna need it to survive the next seven years like this.
  • Give me Ravenclaws who are so done with the riddles when they stumble back at midnight after having fallen asleep in the Library. "What's the truth?" "THE TRUTH IS THAT I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN."
  • Give me the Trio, who use the Marauder's Map to find the most absolutely ridiculous routes to class, knowing every single one of the shortcuts. It's not odd for them to simply appear out of the ceiling. One day the new first years try to follow them, to learn the school better, but it doesn't go so well because then they try to go through a disappearing wall the Trio just did they instead run headfirst into it, and the next time they do behind a tapestry, down a waterside, around some sort of tower, causally past an entire doorless room full of bats, and somehow come out on the complete other side of the castle.
  • Give me Draco whose just completely had it with Harry's staring and confronts him, like they always do, and Harry just blurts out that he likes Draco's new haircut and can he touch his hair, and Draco so shocked he lets him. "Potter stop treating me like a cat I'm evil remember? Bloody hell have you gone daft?!" "But... it's soft..." "I hate you." But he just can't find any anger over this, so there's like no venom whatsoever in it and Harry can't stop giggling.
  • Give me Ginny, who can't stop giggling as Luna confuses the fuck out of an entire crowd with her way of speaking, and who during seventh year could 100% get away with insulting the Death Eaters because of the way she said things. Who after Luna used said tactic to get her out of a Crucio punishment just clung to Luna, shaking, and realizing that she loves Luna so much for this very reason. That there will never be another person like Luna in her life, ever.
  • Give me Harry, who was not really well educated while living at the Dursleys, who couldn't read very well but was wonderful at sneaking around, little tricks like hiding things, and loved music. He taught himself magic tricks, and MERLIN ALMIGHTY THIS 11 YEAR OLD KID HAS MASTERED VANISHING SPELLS, WHAT, HOW, and Percy, uptight prefect he is, just looses it.
  • Give me Ron walking in on Harry talking to some random snake in their dorm room, laughing like the snake said a particularly good joke, tipping his head and smiling as he responds, the python slowly curling up his arm to rest over his shoulder. Ron freezes, stares, and then slowly backs away, closes the door and stands there staring at it for a full half hour in absolute horror.
  • Give me the rest of the D.A. walking into the Room of Requirement and hearing screaming, Dean shrieking that he's going to murder someone, Hermione crying, Justin cursing like a sailor yelling for everyone to stop, and the rest panic and run around the corner and there the four Muggle-raised students are. With some sort of odd device in their hands. Playing Mario Kart.

anonymous asked:

no but like you do know that even though tony realized that bucky was innocent he still tried to murder him and would have if steve hadn't been there to stop him? the russos confirmed it. i just don't get it how someone can claim to love a character but still support the person who almost murdered said character in cold blood and still hasn't shown any indication that he's sorry for his actions.

Okay, I’m glad you asked this because it gives me a reason to explain my feelings about the Act 3 fight in Civil War. Heads up for anyone reading this that this is gonna be a pretty long post with a lot of visual evidence. 

There’s several major points to the final fight scene:

  1. Had the fight continued, would Tony have killed Bucky?
  2. Understanding Tony’s reaction both from the perspective of grief and also from the perspective of trauma.
  3. Is this fight really about Bucky?

To fully understand the final scene, I think we have to look at all three of these. First and foremost - would Tony have actually killed Bucky?

So, the first several minutes of the fight, Tony hits Steve, knocking to the floor, and restrains him. His attention is clearly focused on Bucky who he engages in a fight. The fight continues for several seconds/minutes, until this important moment:

Tony: Do you even remember them?
Bucky: I remember all of them.

Here, Tony has Bucky in a chokehold. Cap is incapacitated somewhere else. Tony could easily snap Bucky’s neck right here, yet he pauses and asks him about his parents. Tony then flies down, still holding Bucky and Cap intercepts them mid-air:

Several things to point out: if Tony was about to kill Bucky, why didn’t he do it just then? They all fall down, Bucky falling onto another platform, Tony and Steve falling to the floor, with Steve rolling forwards. This is an important moment - from here on now the action switches. Tony’s attention is now fixed on Steve solely, not Bucky. The two begin to fight.

Bucky joins in and we have the well known Bucky, Steve and Tony choreography. Then Tony shoots a repulsor beam at Steve, knocking him back, and Bucky attacks Tony, attempts to rip out the reactor at which point Tony’s reactor fires a repulsor beam and Bucky’s arm is ripped off from the blast.

Despite this, Tony doesn’t attempt to use his repulsor, despite having an arm free:

Instead he tries to pry Bucky’s arm away from the reactor. But Bucky is too strong. I’ve rewatched the scene several times and Tony doesn’t actually fire a repulsor with his arm. Instead the reactor begins to glow:

Before it shoots out a beam:

This is also important as it means the reactor has a failsafe in the case of someone trying to remove it. 

If Tony wanted to hurt Bucky why didn’t he fire a repulsor from his arm straight into Bucky’s face? Why did he attempt to simply pry Bucky’s hand away? I don’t think he intentionally tried to shoot Bucky’s arm off, instead the reactor has a failsafe and released a repulsor and since Bucky had his arm on the reactor it hit him straight in the arm, causing it to be ripped off from the force.

Once Bucky loses his arm, then Tony hits him with a repulsor in the back which yes, I admit wasn’t necessary and was awful. At this point Cap gets up and we get this iconic shot:

Steve and Tony begin to fight and Steve has the upper hand, Tony is cornered against the wall and has no way of fighting against Steve:

At this point Tony has FRIDAY analyse Cap’s fight pattern and use it against him. Which leads to this point of the fight:

Tony punches Steve several times while he kneels, Bucky’s body behind him. Then he grabs him, and tosses him away from Bucky:

Tony: Stay down. Final warning.

The camera pans to a wide shot, and this, this moment is visually INTEGRAL to this entire fight. Wide shots are intended to show the audience the entire scene, they focus on everything as a whole, revealing to the audience what is going on.

That’s why this shot is so important. Bucky is on the floor, incapable of protecting himself. Steve is several feet away from Bucky and Tony is in between the two. Tony could easily turn around and kill Bucky - so why doesn’t he? The camera pans to this, revealing to us that Bucky (and Steve) are completely vulnurable - note even the visual difference between Tony, standing up, and Bucky and Steve, both on the floor. Here, Tony is solely in control. Yet he issues Cap a warning, and completely ignores Bucky.

This also majorly answers the third point as it keys the audience in completely that at the core, this is not a fight about Bucky. It solidifies the idea that this is not a fight between Bucky and Tony, but a fight between Steve and Tony. 

Bucky attempts to intervene as Tony raises his reactor - presumably to hurt Cap - at which point Tony kicks him in the face. Steve lifts Tony and throws him to the floor where he begins to hit him over and over. He rips off Tony’s helmet and raises the shield. Close shots prevent us from seeing what is going on, until we see this:

Visually we expect Steve to kill Tony. He doesn’t. Again, this is very important to the narrative as it mirrors Tony’s attempt to kill Bucky. 

Tony attacks Bucky. 

Steve attacks Tony.

Tony looks like he might kill Bucky. We never find out if he really would as the fight shifts, but it seems he wouldn’t have actually gone through it.

Steve looks like he is about to kill Tony. He doesn’t.

The two practically mirror each other - the difference is we actually see Steve on the verge of killing Tony, only for him to choose not to. The audience knows then, that no matter how hurt or angry they are, no matter how broken, how furious, how much they fight each other, that ultimately at heart, they are not people who would kill each other - at least in my personal opinion. Steve’s attempt to kill Tony, only for him not to, parallels Tony’s attempt to kill Bucky, only to choose not to - in my personal opinion. 

I know that I’ve mainly focused on the first and third point. The second point is also important, in understanding Tony’s reaction. Firstly, someone seeing someone’s murder is highly unsettling to any human being. Tony seeing his parents murdered, hearing them being murdered, is very much the equivalent of someone being exposed to footage of a shooting - it is highly traumatic to witness that type of violence, no matter what it is, and many people actually have to get therapy for this. 

Tony’s reaction is also heightened though because what he is witnessing is not strangers, but his own parents being murdered - he is shown his father’s face being caved in, and his mother begging for her husband as she is strangled to death. So not only is Tony exposed to something extremely violent, upsetting and triggering, but it is also done on a personal level to him. Does that mean what he did was right? No. Attacking Bucky was completely wrong, of course. But is it understandable? Yes, in my personal opinion. 

Your parent’s death is not something you get over. Now I understand that the difference is that Bucky was brainwashed and made to do what he did. I understand that Bucky is as much a victim as Maria or Howard in this situation completely. But grief and trauma don’t work logically - Tony does not have the time to process what he just saw, he lashes out. 

And in the end, despite the fact that he has the chance to kill Bucky, he doesn’t. His focus shifts to Steve.

As to what the writers/directors say, I don’t particularly trust what the writers or the producers say - they are the same people who thought it was normal to have Steve kiss Sharon only 48 hours after Peggy died, so their opinion is not something I trust. Plus, that perspective clashes with the perspective of the stunt choreographer (I think) who says that Tony aims to incapacitate, not harm, throughout the movie.

I don’t in any way think that what Tony did was “right” - but I understand why he did it. If we can understand Steve for nearly trying to kill Tony, if we can understand T’Challa for several times attempting to kill Bucky (note that T’Challa specifically stated that he “will kill Bucky himself”, so there is no doubt as to his intentions), then we can understand Tony’s attempt too. If you decide to continue to dislike Tony for attempting to kill Bucky, then I hope you are prepared to dislike T’Challa too.

[Note: Please do not comment on this post as to how Tony and T’Challa’s cases differ. Canon facts are that T’Challa, like Tony, also attempts to kill Bucky and states his intentions himself: “I’ll kill him myself, Ms. Romanoff”. What he does is premeditated.]

anonymous asked:

ok this is going to sound rude but i totally don't mean it to be, but as an asian i always get super exited when i see asian authors, so i was wondering why you chose to write a european story rather than something korean? loved it tho

Hi nonny:

I get this question a lot, so I’m going to come across as a bit short or annoyed, but it’s not about you, I promise (I don’t know you after all). 

It’s about your question.

It is a rude question, and I don’t appreciate it. Frankly, what I am and how that affects what I write is none of anyone’s business. If you want to know why I wrote Wintersong and not something Asian, I write a little about it here. And it isn’t that I don’t intend to write something Asian-inspired; I do. Why did I choose to write something European? Many things. I like Mozart. I like the German language. I like European folklore. I am pretty goth. I grew up with these things, so I know them pretty intimately. 

But I want to unpack this question a little. Why is it that women of color are expected to write or perform their own marginalizations? Do we go around asking out queer people to only write queer stories? Do we ask disabled people to only write their disability? Incidentally, I wrote my disability into Wintersong. I gave Liesl my bipolar disorder. But the praise and censure I get always stems from the most obvious marginalization I have: my face, and by extension, my ethnic background.

If you want to get into the weeds of why I didn’t write something Korean first, it’s because I’m not Korean. I am of Korean descent, yes. I am a member of the diaspora. But neither am I truly a part of the Korean-American immigrant experience. I grew up pretty privileged: my dad is white, I went to an all-girl’s private school, was part of swim and tennis clubs, etc. I had a lot of the markers of cultural whiteness, which is tied with class. My Koreanness is whitewashed, not just by my cultural privilege, but because I didn’t have access to a Korean extended family. My aunties, uncles, and cousins all live in Seoul, or some didn’t make it out of Pyongyang before the establishment of the 38th Parallel. I’ve been to Korea twice. The only Korean members of my family are my mother and my grandmother. Everyone else is white.

That cultural whiteness? It comes across to a lot of people, and it especially came across to other Koreans. There are reasons I don’t speak the language as well as I should, considering it was my milk tongue. I went to Korean school and attended Korean church for a while, but I was bullied and ostracized so badly I stopped going back when I was 9. I wasn’t bullied because my dad was white; I was bullied because I wasn’t Korean enough. I didn’t share their cultural language. I didn’t even share the same parental pressures. My mother is the one who had been pressuring me to quit my day job and become a full-time writer, not my dad. As a result, I was the outcast in every Asian group I ever tried to be a part of as a kid. Some were open about it to my face. You’re not Korean enough. Some were more insidious about it. They would deliberately choose subjects and topics about which I had no handhold, freezing me out of conversation. My friends? The theatre kids, the artist freaks, the writers. The vast majority of them? White. 

This obviously left pretty deep psychic scars. I can’t eat doughnuts, for one. They smell of Korean school and shame. But it also left me with a deep insecurity about even approaching a Korean subject in writing. Am I enough? Am I enough, am I enough, am I enough? It’s only as an adult that I’ve made Asian friends, that I’ve slowly started to find my way back to the heritage I’ve kept at arm’s length. 

I’m telling you my history, nonny, to better answer your question. But to also maybe shed a light on the effect of asking a marginalized person to perform their marginalization for you. For me, that question is fraught, and I imagine it is for a lot of other Asian writers as well. When I hear that question, all I hear is You are not enough. You are not Asian enough. You didn’t even write something Asian. You are not enough, you are not enough, you are not enough.

So Something Happened at Phoenix Con

I’m not usually one to complain, or criticize, or speak out at all really. I’m one of those fans that just quietly sits in the corner and admires from afar, silently praising all the guys for what they do. But every now and again, someone does something that lights me up, and I’m off like a firecracker.

As I’m sure you’ve concluded, that happened recently.

I’m a Jared girl, but I love and respect all the actors equally. Respect being a keyword here. Phoenix con 2017 is going on now. As it so happens, that’s exactly where this incident took place. Yesterday. On the day mostly recognized as Misha’s day of the con.

Let’s all just agree that Misha is an incredible human okay? He’s actual such an incredible human that he borders on being a real life angel. He deserves all the good things in the world. Which is why I am particularly fired up because of what happened.

**Not naming names because this is not to bash anyone, just to draw attention to the fact that these are people with real, human emotions**

I’m going to summarize this the best I can because, honestly, the more I talk about it the angrier I get (and I’m not an angry person, this just really doesn’t sit well with me).

Long story short, there was a con-goer that had been to a con in the past and she had Misha sign her arm. Misha had said that if she still had the autograph on her arm the next time he saw her, he would buy her ice cream. No harm in that part. This is where things start getting…. Uncomfortable.

The girl then decided she was going to take Misha up on that (which, admit it, we would all try to keep Misha’s auto on us as long as we could, bet or not). But, instead of doing any number of options that would be considered safe and acceptable, she peeled off her skin, including the autograph, and preserved it.

Are you still with me? Hold on. I’m not done yet.

At Phoenix Con, she then adhered it back to her skin. Now, I’m not sure if she showed it to him during a panel, or ops, or autos, or where. But when she did show it to him, he told her to take it off.

**this is where I get seriously pissed**

So, she takes it off. AND FUCKING THROWS IT AT HIM.

This girl, who claims to love and respect Misha Collins throws a piece of her dry, dead, decaying skin at him. It lands in his lap and his handler has to come pick it up. She tries to excuse it by saying ‘it’s all in good fun’ and that he’s ‘used to her by now’, but let’s make a few things clear.

It’s all in good fun? I’m sorry, I have never once in my life have gone around throwing preserved skin at people for the fun of it. And I’ve asked some of my friends (the ones that wouldn’t call the cops on me for asking such a question) and they all said the same thing. I don’t care if you’re a celebrity or Mary Jane that lives next door, people don’t like having dead skin thrown on them. Especially a stranger’s skin.

Secondly, no matter how many times we meet them, they really don’t know us. They don’t know if you’ve got any diseases. They might not even recognize you, really. How many times have you seen someone at work over and over and over again but don’t really know them? I have. I’ll admit it. And you know what? It is my job to interact and build report with customers. And I’m not a celebrity – I don’t have millions of people begging for time with me.

I guess I made this post for a few reasons:

1.       Is my anger justified or misplaced? Taking into consideration that, while I’ve never met them (Pitt Con is so far away), I do love them like they’re family

2.       I’m open to opinions.

3.       I want to make a PSA that Jared, Jensen, and Misha – hell EVERYONE – are human. Don’t do something to them that you wouldn’t like having done to you. If you wouldn’t like have dead animals thrust into your hand, don’t make them hold one. If you wouldn’t like someone to throw decaying organs on you, don’t do it to them! You paid money for a ticket to the con. You did not pay money to abuse them.

I know I’m going to probably get hate for this, and to be honest, I really don’t care. If you think I’m right, great. I’m glad someone sees this from where I’m at and finds it just as wrong as I do. If you think I’m wrong then… well, you keep doing whatever you think is right. We’ll agree to disagree.

tl;dr – Don’t throw your decaying, preserved skin at Misha because he’s a human and it’s disgusting on so many levels. Show him respect. Show all of them respect. You know Misha is too kind to say anything about how uncomfortable it makes him, so just save everyone from being awkward, and save the fandom from feeling like we have to apologize for the actions of a single fan.

i have too many feelings about michelle jones so here have headcanons and peter x michelle

this was obnoxiously long because i have no control so lots of stuff is under the cut and it became very fic-like at the end there, whoops. 

one (THIS ONE!) | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

  • so michelle moved with her family to new york when she started high school
  • and mj was actually pretty sad to leave her friends back in chicago because it had taken a long time to make those friends and she always feels awkward around new people
  • so she isn’t very happy about The Move
  • she comes from a loving family
  • like, she gets kissed every night before she goes to bed, her parents read her bedtime stories until she was ten, she used to wear matching outfits with her mother, family movie nights were every friday
  • her parents were really good to her for the most part and just loved and supported her
  • they’re also pretty smart and since mj has pretty much always been inspired by them so intelligence and the acquisition of knowledge is really important to her
  • hence reading and academic decathlon, but she’s also into math and science too because she’s very driven and doesn’t have that many friends in new york so what else is she gonna do?
  • and her parents are an interracial couple and they’ve encountered a lot of hate and mj was always so sad when she walked out with her mother and people would give them weird looks
  • so she’s tried to end hate whenever she can and fights to give a voice to those who are silenced
  • but now cue mj going to high school in new york
  • she joins academic decathlon ofc because who do you think she is she lives for this shit
  • and then! there is this little shithead on the team PETER PARKER
  • like who the fuck does this kid think he is
  • answering all these questions, acting like he’s sooo smart just because he happens to know a lot of facts and is really good at physics and speaks spanish really well and also happens to be really dorky and adorable and okay maybe he’s kind of attractive too and maybe mj starts throwing herself more into academic decathlon and possible CONSIDERS joining band but that’s ONLY BECAUSE PETER IS A SHITHEAD AND SHE NEEDS TO SHOW HIM HE ISN’T THE ONLY TALENTED ONE OKAY
  • anyway

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

i don't remember if this has been discussed before but do you know why lexa was so smiley and almost playful in that scene in 304 when she was telling clarke about aden?

Alright, my brain is currently melting away because of the unbearable heat, so I hope this will make sense even though I’m not really sure about it. BUT. I wanted to answer this question because we kinda see the scene in a very different way. Maybe it’s my angsty soul, but I actually don’t think Lexa is being that playful in that scene. Actually… there are certain elements about it that I actually find sad, mostly because they speak of how Lexa is, of the way she thinks and sees things. In this particular case, the way she sees Clarke. Or even better, the way she reads Clarke’s reaction to the situation. But let me try to make myself more clear. (x)

The scene begins with Lexa asking Aden to stay so she can introduce him to Clarke. She proceeds to praise him, making sure Clarke knows his value, and to explain what is going to happen in case she should die during the duel with Roan.

I love how much you can read on Clarke’s face here. The initial confusion. Then, most important, the slight panic and worry at the mention of Lexa’s possible death. Her eyes actually go wide at that. Then, the moment when she connects the dots, when she realizes why Lexa is introducing her to this child, because he’ll likely be the next Commander. They’re mostly talking politics, but basically, everything about this scene revolves around one thing: Lexa’s death. And here we get to the part I actually find pretty sad.

Lexa sees the confusion and fear on Clarke’s face and, in a rare occasion when it comes to Lexa understanding and knowing Clarke, she misreads what she sees. 

What does she tell Aden? “Clarke worries about her people.” Clarke worries about her people. This tiny smile, almost resigned in a way, appears on her face, and she explains to Aden the apparent reason for Clarke’s worried expression. And this is what pains me: the thought that Clarke might be worried about her doesn’t cross Lexa’s mind. Her death is a reason for concern in the sense that it could lead to potential danger for Clarke’s people, not a concern because it would mean that, you know, she would be gone. Lexa talks about her death constantly and nonchalantly because she has been taught not to value her life outside of the confinements of her position as Commander. At worst, she sees it as an inconvenience, definitely not as a tragedy. Add the delicate condition of Clarke and Lexa’s relationship to this, the baby steps towards rebuilding trust and growing close again, and it’s pretty easy to understand why Lexa doesn’t think Clarke’s worry might have anything to do with her as Lexa the girl, not the Commander.

This is why she has Aden explain what he would do if she were to die, how he would still protect Skaikru and accept them into the Coalition. This is why I think she smirks. In her head, she has it all covered: Clarke has no reason to worry because she took care of every small detail to ensure Skaikru’s safety in case of her death.

Except that Clarke has every reason to worry, because she doesn’t care just about her people. She cares about Lexa.

Threaten my livelihood, don't be surprised when I come at you harder.

This happened a few years ago and it’s somewhat lengthy but I’ll try and keep it reasonable. TL;DR below.

It all started when I moved to Nevada with my dad because my parents had divorced relatively recently and he wanted me to stick around and help him with my younger siblings. He is the hardest working man I’ve ever met, and I didn’t have anything really going on besides kind of roaming, so when he asked if I could move in with him and just kind of be there for my little brother and sister in exchange for room and board, I wasn’t going to say no.

Anyway, we ended up moving to Nevada in our travels because he was in the mining field and there happened to be a mine there.

A little later on, he hooked me up with a job at the mine too. Nothing special, just working in the warehouse doing various duties. It paid well though and I was pretty strapped for cash so I was glad for it.

I actually enjoyed it for the first 2ish months.

Keep reading

The first thing Bitty does after he gets off the phone with Jack is dial his father’s number. He takes a deep breath, reminds himself that he has something to be proud of, and hits the call button.

Coach answers on the fifth ring. “Eric?”

“Hi, Coach,” Bitty says. “I have something important to tell you.”

His father pauses, then clears his throat. “Of course.”

Bitty can’t keep the huge grin off his face as he says, “I got the captaincy. I’m the captain.”

“Really? Good for you, son. You’ll make a great captain.”

“Thanks,” Bitty replies, then adds, “it was a unanimous vote.”

He knows he’s bragging, but he can’t help it. He needs Coach’s approval.

“Unanimous vote?” Coach repeats, and Bitty can hear his father smiling.

The receiver is muffled and Coach shouts, “Suzanne!”

Bitty listens as Coach tells his mother what Bitty told him.

Suzanne gasps, then says, “Dicky, I am so proud of you! But I’m not surprised.”

“I’m proud of you too, Eric,” Coach says, and that’s the instant Bitty starts to feel the guilt. They might be proud now, but they wouldn’t be if they knew about Jack.

“Thank you,” he says, and then suddenly he has to get off the phone Right Now because his throat is closing up. “Mom, Coach, I have to go. Some friends just came in.”

“Okay,” says Suzanne, “but send us some pictures from the banquet!”

“Sure,” Bitty manages. “Bye, y’all.”

“Bye, Dicky, love you!”

“Bye, Eric.”

He hangs up and just like that, he’s crying. Bitty has every reason in the world to be happy. He has Jack, he has an amazing team, he has the captaincy, but. There’s always a but, it seems like. He knows his parents would love him less if they knew he was gay. Knows it. He wonders if it’s ungrateful to be crying in his room when his team just voted him captain. He wonders why Samwell and everything he has here can’t be enough.


**

In Georgia, Coach hangs up the phone and looks at his wife. Suzanne is frowning, hands on her hips.

“You know,” she says, “when you called my name like that, I thought that was going to be it. That he would finally tell us.”

Coach sighs and sits down with her on the sofa. “I picked up the phone and he said he had something important to tell me. I thought the same thing.”

Suzanne puts her head in her hands and slumps forward. “It’s so hard to wait. I know he must be scared to tell us. But I don’t want to ask him about it, you know? I want him to do it when he feels comfortable.”

Coach puts a hand on her back. “I know, honey. Me too.”

“I just don’t want my baby to suffer,” Suzanne tells him. “God knows he’s done enough of that.”

Coach pulls her closer. “I know,” he repeats. “I know.”

Hmm. Here are a few points I wanted to note.

Keith has canon abandonment and attachment issues. When Lance went to Keith’s room to talk about his insecurities, the first time we probably see Keith’s face is right after Lance tells him that he wants to step aside. This is the face we get.

I’ll put the rest under a read more because it got long

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anonymous asked:

Wait how do we know phil's bedroom is a set. Also that seems super weird????? Why does it matter if we know what the inside of their house looks like, as long as we don't know the outside? It's not like they complained about people finding them or anything. Dnp wtf are you doing.

under the cut cause i don’t want to be annoying ( ;/ )

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anonymous asked:

Yo I'm pretty new to the fandom, so I'm not coming from a strong place of anti hate or anything, but: what's stopping me from shipping Reylo is that I just don't understand what Rey gets out of this? I really don't want to see the most prominent female Jedi/protagonist reduced to a device for male redemption (I do support his redemption tho) -- I guess I get why he might need her, but why does she need him, based on what we know from TFA at least? Asking sincerely, I'm genuinely curious here

First off, love/romance/relationships aren’t a financial balance sheet and while I kind of understand the premise of it, I don’t agree with the argument on a fundamental level - where someone has to ‘get something’. 

That being said, I think aside from all the speculation, the trailer has really clarified that point. Rey is going to be a bit lost in a world that is very foreign to her, she’s looking for someone to help her - Luke tries, but freaks out (presumably). Kylo isn’t - and hasn’t - ever looked at her in fear or been freaked out - when she escaped, he was basically ‘okay well let’s find her’, not ‘shit not another force user they’re dangerous’ - he even offered to be her teacher and help her as they fought. That’s a really powerful thing - to be accepted for who you are. Rey is really big into family, having a home, because she never had one - she has serious abandonment issues and Kylo shares a lot of her same issues (though for different reasons). 

I cannot stress enough how empowering it is to have someone truly understand you and your fears, and I think for Rey that’s going to be a tipping point for accepting Kylo as a partner (romantic or not). Sometimes you just need someone who gets it and doesn’t fear you. Sometimes that’s all it takes to love them. I’m talking romantic Reylo on the last point, btw. 

And I think that this whole ‘device for a man’s redemption’ argument is just an excuse to not like the pairing and in some respects it’s total bullshit in this context.

It was made very clear throughout TFA - before and after he meets Rey - that Kylo had some serious conflict and serious issues with being drawn towards the Light, etc. I don’t care what anyone says, he was torn up about Han and almost didn’t do it. He felt trapped, like he had already gone too far - and then he killed Han, and it messed him up. Bad. We see the aftermath in TLJ trailer - it’s clearly VERY soon after TFA when he’s in the TIE against Leia and he’s all messed up.

At this point, it’s not tied at all to Rey. He’s already waffling - he’s on shaky ground as it is. If Leia is the turning point for him, then would you also say that Leia is just a ‘device for a man’s redemption’?

No, you wouldn’t - because Leia is a character that is not defined by who she loves and who she helps. She’s a wonderful character that has flaws, strengths, passions, and is human. Some could say that Han’s decision to come back at the end of ANH was caused by Leia - do you still make the same argument? No.

So why would you see Rey any differently? She has her own story, flaws, strengths, passions, insecurities. The fact that her path may be intertwined with Kylo’s doesn’t detract from her story, it strengthens it.

I hope that helps.

the saga of is it a fic or are they headcanons continues.

one | two (THIS ONE!) | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

  • so michelle starts to get buddy buddy with ned and peter, ish.
  • she starts to actually kind of like ned, even if he sometimes puts his foot in his mouth sometimes. but they argue about the merits of comic books as a form of literature and he teaches her some words in tagalog and she learns how to call peter a son of a bitch so she’s pretty entertained.
  • but the weird things just keep piling up with peter.
  • he rushes off at random times, freezes whenever she asks him where he’s going, shows up to school with cuts and bruises looking like he’s been fighting in an underground boxing ring. she even saw him go into the chemistry lab the other day at lunch time even though they both took chemistry last year and he’s taking biology now.
  • he just does really weird things sometimes and michelle can’t help but notice.
  • michelle also can’t help but notice that spiderman is becoming more and more popular. people sell t-shrits, masks, shot glasses, tote bags. everything, basically. and maybe one day michelle might spend a little too much time looking at a t-shirt with a picture of spiderman in all his toned, muscly glory. but she just shakes her head and keeps moving.
  • she gets curious about him, though. where did he come from? who is he? why is he doing this? why did he sound oddly familiar in DC when he saved her friends?
  • and then one day she’s walking home from school after academic decathlon and she missed the bus which is totally her fault for staying later after practice to chat with peter and ned about the upcoming weekend and how their plans to construct a lego version of the starship enterprise were so utterly boring she could barely stand to listen to them. (and weren’t people supposed to choose star wars or star trek? was that not a thing? not that she cares about things peter likes. well, peter AND ned. anyway.)
  • she’s turning a corner when she sees someone out of the corner of her eyes. there is a man on the opposite side of the street walking several yards back from here. it could be nothing. but she’s also been taught to always be on high alert. so she grips her backpack to her body a bit tighter and walks a little faster down the street, cursing herself for not taking the more populated albeit slightly longer route home.
  • she continues down the street when she notices the man cross the street so that he’s on the same side of the road as she and at that point she just starts running. better that he thinks she’s odd if he isn’t following her than be caught if he is trying to catch her. she sprints down the street and turns another corner as she looks back to check if the man is following her and then bam. she’s on the ground, gripping the shoulder that practically crashed into a brick wall.
  • “oh my goodness, are you okay?” she sighs and looks at the owner of the panicked voice and she is left speechless. it’s…well, it’s spiderman.

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Don't make my girlfriend cry.

(warning: long story)

Okay, so this was a good few years ago, back when I was in high school.

In case my username didn’t give it away, I am happily and openly gay af, and I came out at about 14, around year 9 in highschool (I’m British). And from that second on, I was even more of a target.

I was already the preferred bullying target. The school was aware of it, they were also aware that my family didn’t take kindly to this (in my previous school, my Mum had brought the police into school on the day where the younger kids were coming to see if they wanted to go there, because they weren’t doing anything about me being bullied) so pulled a big huff and puff smoke screen to try and make it seem like they were fixing the issue, though they never did anything.

I had plenty of small ‘regular’ or 'petty’ revenges throughout my years. Getting people kicked out of classes, forced into counselling, etc etc. But this is the big one.

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pre-zimbits, in which bittle is drunk and jack is very patient (and a jerk with a great ass)

“I can’t believe I didn’t stay for Senior Week last year.”

Bittle was sprawled across the grass in the little cemetery on the other side of the soccer field. Jack wasn’t entirely sure how he got here, but he was very drunk and very alone, and everyone else was very drunk and not answering Bittle’s texts.

“Having fun?” Jack asked, hands in his pockets.

Bittle pulled himself to his feet, using a headstone for balance. “Mmph, sorry there, Mr. Dead Dude. Don’t haunt me for this.”

Bittle was drunker than Jack feared. He stumbled over, eyes glassy and unfocused. There was no doubt Jack would be cleaning vomit tonight; Bittle was so buying him Annie’s tomorrow.

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anonymous asked:

Hey there Leo, if it's okay with you, I wanted to ask about your thoughts on that bedroom scene. I don't know why it just doesn't sit well with me- it's just that to me keith seems too reserved and... sad... not relieved or open until the very end when the "as many times as it takes line happens". Maybe it's just me because I guess I expected a more im-so-relieved-youre-alive-hug scenario? something just felt off about that entire exchange and I can't point my finger at what.

I think a good way to read shiro’s bedroom scene is to compare it with Lance’s scene in Keith’s room. Because the fact that we get one almost right after the other is definitely intentional, and on some subconscious level, I think you’re meant to compare the two. It’s even a case of two former paladins talking with their lion’s successor. And while Lance’s talk with Keith is kinda touching and it’s really nice to see the two of them opening up more, I still think it has a distinctly different vibe from Kuron and Keith’s. 

For one thing, we start off outside in the hall. This is different from Lance’s scene, where we begin in Keith’s room and see the new red paladin just walk in. In the case of the latter, we feel like we belong there. However, with the former, we feel more like an outsider looking in. We hear just snippets of their talk at first, like we’re listening in on a private conversation, a fact that accentuates just how intimate and personal this scene is. It’s like the viewer is uninvited and these words are just meant for Keith and “Shiro.”

When we finally do see someone, it’s this extreme closeup of Kuron. This really highlights how downcast and drained he looks, how his hair is all long and matted and unkempt, how exhausted and defeated he is. There’s no closeup like this with Keith and Lance’s scene, a fact that really makes this shot stand out. It’s a sign that Keith and Kuron are more intimately familiar with one another. 

Another thing–in the later scene, when Lance walks in, he has to kind of give a reason why. Keith even points out it’s a surprise to see him stop by–“Must really be bothering you if you’re coming to talk to me.” This is not something that happens usually. And yet, Keith’s talk with Kuron bypasses this part completely. There’s no equivalent to Lance awkwardly knocking and trying to start up a conversation with Keith, because these two are already on a level where having quiet talks with one another is the norm. Because honestly, seeing Keith in “Shiro’s” room during his recovery is just something you’d expect. It’s not something surprisingly uncharacteristic or a shift in dynamic, so there really doesn’t need to be any explicit reason for it. 

Now, I’m certain that Keith’s place in the first scene is equal to Lance’s in the second. And likewise, Kuron’s role in the conversation is taken by Keith later on. So, let’s compare them. Keith removes his jacket before Lance stops by, and that doesn’t seem like much. But visually, we can see he’s kind of being more casual and open. He’s also wearing black instead of red, which equates to Lance seeing him as the leader–and by extension, the black paladin. But, that being said, everyone’s seen Keith without his jacket before. In contrast, Kuron is dressed down in an undershirt that makes him seem a lot more bare and vulnerable, because no one else has seen him when he wasn’t completely put together. 

Similarly, Kuron still looks disheveled and haggard. He doesn’t feel the need to cut his hair or shave in front of Keith, has no reason to keep up appearances the way he does with the other paladins. Around each other, they can just be themselves. This is emphasized by the fact that Kuron is still lying in bed, and remains painfully honest with Keith about his condition. He says, “I’ll try,” instead of some comforting lie like, “I’ll be fine.” He’s in a position of weakness, And Keith is noticeably standing above him. This makes Kuron look especially down and defeated, and added to that that Keith is put in the role of his caretaker, his protector–clearly, the lines between successor and mentor are very blurred. 

Typically, Keith’s position could be seen as having power over someone, as being some kind of aggressor. And yet, he’s taken on the role of Kuron’s guardian, his knight in shining armor. We can glean from Keith mentioning that the others would love to see him that so far they have not, that only Keith has been allowed in Shiro’s bedroom during this delicate time. That he’s the one who not only rescued him but is taking care of him, is staying at his bedside. There’s an intimacy here that’s quite rare. Kuron has really had it rough, but he still doesn’t hold himself back in front of Keith, doesn’t try to maintain a facade. He can allow himself to be exposed and fragile and he knows Keith would never take that trust and shatter it. 

Now, let’s compare that to Lance’s scene. Right away, a different dynamic is established. They’re both standing on equal ground, but still noticeably closed off and distant at first. There’s an uncomfortableness, an unfamiliarity to their interactions that you don’t get in the previous scene. Kuron lying down in bed with Keith standing over him undoubtably puts him in a more vulnerable position. But he’s okay with that because this is Keith, and Kuron trusts him to see this side of him. In comparison to that, Lance and Keith both seem very guarded around each other. Their walls aren’t down the way Kuron and Keith’s are. 

The tone is also very different. Keith and Lance, while discussing Lance’s insecurities, manage to still inject humor into the scene. For instance, the little thing Lance does where he adds his right index finger and then instead of taking away that finger he just fucking??? removes the pinky from his left hand?? And lmao it just like looks so out of place and silly and it’s really endearing and cute and I love it?? Like, little visual cues like that help to put the viewer more at ease. Lance’s expression is also gold. They’re covering a meaningful topic here, but they do it in a way where it doesn’t feel too heavy. 

Now, real quick let’s talk lighting. Kuron’s room is darkly lit, and everything is bathed in this abysmal, dark green hue. It doesn’t feel normal or comforting, it’s like…nervous anticipation. Like something here is very wrong and both Keith and Kuron are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But again, this is a quiet, completely serious, bleeding open heart to heart in a dark lit bedroom. That feels way more revealing and intimate than two friends talking in a brightly lit, more casual atmosphere. There’s no sense of intensity, heartbreakingly overwhelming emotion, or overhanging danger with Keith and Lance. It’s two friends just having an honest talk and trying to help each other out. 

Also, the point of Lance’s talk is very different from Keith’s. Lance goes to Keith to talk about himself, to express his inferiority and do what he thinks is best for the team. So yes, he does this because he cares about the team. But this doesn’t manifest as “Hey, I know things have been rough lately, and we just got Shiro back and he seems really hurt–are you guys doing okay?” it’s “So, maybe the best thing I can do for the team is step aside.” Lance is a good kid and his heart’s in the right place, but at the same time, I think he kind of assumes everything is his fault somehow. So he’s being very understanding and trying to do something selfless, but really, this is more so about his own problem than Keith’s. 

Now, compare that to Keith, who’s asking Kuron how he’s doing, how he’s feeling, what the hell happened? Lance talks to Keith because he’s worried about the rest of the team, and is so wrapped up in his own insecurities he tries to take the blame for everything and reflects it all back on him. Keith in contrast, never makes the conversation about himself, and focuses completely on Shiro’s wants and needs, on trying to reassure him–something that Keith also does for Lance instead of the other way around. Now, this doesn’t make either Lance or Keith better or more caring than the other. It just means that the focuses of these two talks are very different with very diverging outcomes. Likewise, you can tell that Kuron and Keith are a lot closer by their conversation. It’s easy for the two to open up and reach out to one another. Keith’s heart also goes out to “Shiro” in a way that you just don’t really get from his interactions with Lance. 

Now, let’s talk about the end of both scenes. Because even then, there’s another parallel. Right when Keith is about to leave, we know Kuron calls him back. Similarly, Keith does the same with Lance. And then? Both Kuron and Keith make a kind of joke that’s meant to put the other person at ease. In the case of Keith, this is especially interesting, because Kuron’s just done this for him. So, when he sees things might end on a bad note, what does he do? Take a page out of Kuron’s book and try to cheer Lance up with a little joke. Now, that being said–while we know it makes Lance smile, there’s nothing that really grabs you about “Leave the math to Pidge,” in the way that “How many times are you gonna save me before this is over?” does. Again, Kuron’s talk with Keith is heavy. Even the humor is somewhat dark and foreboding. 

Of course, it’s also very deep and heartfelt. Kuron might not be Shiro, but he has a lot of Shiro’s memories. He remembers Keith always being there for him, remembers Keith rushing in to save him, remembers the overwhelming relief when Keith promises that he’ll be alright, that everything will be okay–that he’ll make it, that nothing’s going to happen to him. It’s incredibly sweet and heart-wrenching. And again, rather than feeling like something you’d hear about someone’s bro, this brings to mind a fairytale romance. Shiro teasing Keith about being his brave knight and always running in to save him. And Keith’s promise that he’ll rescue Shiro “as many times as it takes,” while looking back at Shiro with a smile so warm and fond and completely confident in their happy ending? Yeah, there’s just an aching tenderness to this scene that you don’t usually see. And it certainly feels more in line with something you’d expect from Shiro’s love interest. Regardless of intent, this scene really does read as romantic. 

There’s also the fact that, when Keith makes his promise to Kuron, he’s stepping out of the darkness and into the light. Kuron might be left behind there in the “dark,” but Keith is still shown as the person that can bring him back out into the “light.”