don't answer the door

anonymous asked:

what about the stairs in the forests!!! and what doc were you watching and would you recommend?

ok so I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE STAIRS IN THE FORESTS! mainly because I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the U.S. Forest Service, and I Have Some Stories to Tell a) is posted on /r/nosleep so it’s definitely made up, b) the op admits to knowing about David Paulides, and lbr knowing about = being influenced by, so it’s definitely made up, and c) if you read all the way through to the end it stops being even vaguely believable and starts reading like a WTNV transcript, and then he plugs his book, so it’s DEFINITELY MADE UP. however, it is an amazing (read: terrifying) thread, some of it is obviously based on truths/insider SAR knowledge which means a lot of it is probably uncomfortably close to actually being true, and it’s a good Gateway Read into MISSING PEOPLE IN NATIONAL PARKS CONSPIRACY THEORIES, which is where I live now. (plus, if you read this before getting into anything else it imbues every single missing persons case with an unsettling sense of Eldritch horror, which is why I had to turn on three overheads and unfocus my eyes all the way to the bathroom last night at 2am.) 

so yeah, after reading that /r/nosleep thing for the first time I drew a line under it and moved on until SOMEONE (ahem@roundtop) sent me a link to an article called How 1,600 People Went Missing from Our Public Lands Without a Trace (on a legit and sensible outdoorsy people website), like ‘haha, stairs in the forest!’ and I SWAN DIVED DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. thus: the documentary-watching, staying up till 2am and spending all day today trying to find copies of David Paulides’ books for less than $80 inc. postage. 

THIS DUDE DAVID PAULIDES. he was in law enforcement before, for some reason, deciding to become a ~*~cryptozoologist~*~ and certified gung-ho Bigfoot conspiracy theorist, and through that found out about how many people had disappeared without a trace from National Parks in the U.S., did 7,000 hours worth of digging, and wrote a bunch of books about it. his books are called Missing 411 and are about the ridiculous number of people who go missing in National Parks, the usually weird circumstances around their disappearances, the fact that when people are found (dead or alive) it’s often in places miles and miles and sometimes waaaaay higher up mountains than where they disappeared from, and all sorts of creepy crap to boot. like they can’t get bloodhounds to find a scent, or they find tiny children miles away from where they got lost, barefoot, without a scratch on the soles of their feet, human remains being found years later in places that were search dozens and dozens of times. not to mention the National Parks… People (? I really don’t know enough to be making this post) are aware of what’s happening but don’t keep a list of the people who’ve gone missing on their lands. 

(which is all part of why I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the U.S. Forest Service is so freaky – enough of it (people being found miles away, kids being found up mountains, the people in charge being cagey about it all) sounds real that you can believe it was actually written by a SAR Officer. heebies!) 

it’s all real nightmare fuel, if you’re the sort of person who is absolutely terrified by all this Scary Forest Disappearing People Unexplainable Deaths stuff, i.e. me. luckily I can’t afford to buy any of them! phew! however, I haven’t let that stop me from a) SCARING MYSELF SHITLESS and b) BECOMING A TIN HATTER, and it shouldn’t stop you either: you can read loads of stuff over at /r/missing411, listen to one of his initial interviews (in which he talks about how he was approached by two park employees in plain clothes who were like ‘please investigate this, there’s SOMETHING going on and it’s so goddamn weird’) on Coast to Coast AM (which is, like, a paranormal radio station… I’m sorry), watch a bunch of Paulides’/CanAm Missing Project’s vids about disappearances on youtube, and listen to hours worth of interviews and late night spooky radio/podcast discussions with Paulides. 

the documentary I thought I was watching was Missing 411, which is based on his books and Kickstarted by the public in 2015, but it turns out that they’re apparently shopping it around at festivals so it’s not out yet. what I was actually watching (and quickly abandoned) was a weird supercut of all of David Paulides’ tv interviews and some cryptozoologist chatter about Bigfoot. Paulides, god love him, never ever SAYS Bigfoot in any of his books, and everything he presents is 100% factually accurate and extensively researched, but… I think we can safely say he thinks it’s Bigfoot. tbh, after reading about Jaryd Atadero I think it’s Bigfoot. I mean, goddamn. 

so, yeah. I’ve finished reading every search and rescue story on this blog (Hunt for the Death Valley Germans is LONG but awesome), I’ve got West of Memphis ready to watch after work tomorrow because I remembered how much I love that case and spooky true crime things, if you have any related LINKS or STUFF about This Shit then REBLOG THIS/MSG ME AND TELL ME, or if you have a copy of a Missing 411 book you wouldn’t mind mailing to me then LET ME KNOW, and in conclusion I can’t believe America is so fucking huge and unkind, goodnight.

I’m reading the stupid New Spring graphic novel, and these stupid idiots. Moiraine just did the most Iconic thing ever.  Someone was knocking on Siuan’s door in the middle of the night and was like “Siuan are you awake??” 

and Moiraine “No Chill” Damodred answered Siuan’s door, wearing pajamas and was like “She is now.” 

anonymous asked:

where i work, we have to unlock the fitting rooms for people. so please for fuck's sake answer when i knock on the door. if you don't answer i will assume the room is empty and try to open it. im knocking for a reason.

Same goes for bathrooms. If I knock fucking answer so I don’t start cleaning a urinal before hearing your nasty ass fart and realize I walked in on a man shitting in on of the men’s room stalls that didn’t answer when I fucking knocked. -Abby

anonymous asked:

How would UT and UF bros react to going over to his crush's house and they don't answer the door so he gets worried and just walks in bc it's unlocked and they're just... sitting in the floor smoking a bunch of weed and listening to Elvis Presley's heartbreak hotel and the look at the skel and say "Leave me alone to die" (sorry for this lilo and stitch reference)

UT!Sans

He actually finds the situation mildly hilarious. Maybe he’s just laughing from relief. He’s not sure, but he goes over and joins his crush in their Presley melancholy. He won’t do much, just hang around, crack a few jokes, show em some memes, steal some weed… by the end of it though, he’s sure he made his crush feel better. Admittedly, he’s kind of worried so he stays with them longer after the song had been put off and the weed all smoked. He brings them out for dinner and won’t stop his shenanigans until he’s sure they’re laughing for real.

UT!Pap

He goes into instant mothering mode. He’s extremely worried and he outwardly shows it. Obviously he’s not leaving them now! He won’t let them die!! He has to save them!!!!! The first thing he does is take away their weed because he strongly disapproves of smoking of any sort. He’d change their music to something… less depressing… and drag em to the kitchen for some cooking. They don’t have to participate. Pap knows from experience that people cheer up immensely just by watching him cook. Though he can’t figure out why, he thinks, as he flips a pancake onto the ceiling and tries to scale the window to get it down while his crush giggles. He knows why, he might be overdoing things just to make them laugh.

UF!Sans

Honestly, he kind of busted in there in a panic when they wouldn’t answer the door. He sees them on the floor and he kind of just full on smacks himself in the face. But honestly, same. He relates. He ends up stealing a blunt then chilling with them for a good ol depression party. He honestly sucks at cheering people up, but he’s not leaving his crush alone by a long shot. Just in case. Maybe he can’t pull them into a good mood, but the next best thing is feeling like trash together. Just invite Napstablook and Burgerpants and you’ve got a full out Depression Disco Party.

UF!Pap

He scoffs at them, thinking they’re acting ridiculous. Though he is kind of worried about their wellbeing. He’s not sure what to do. He can’t exactly comfort them all soft and cuddly like. No, he’s got to stay cool and tough if he’s ever going to win their favour. He ends up just sticking around their house instead of leaving, maybe would put the TV on. He’d try to snap them out of whatever they’re in by telling them they’re acting irrational and ridiculous, which of course does not help. If things escalate, he’d try awkward there, theres and stiff patting. In the end he’ll just get them a gift hoping it would cheer them up.

But like, why answer the door for strangers when you can instead pretend you’re on a stealth mission in a video game, and sneak through your house in order to get out of sight safely and avoid human interaction altogether?

anonymous asked:

"[Name] where did you get the cat from? I'm not complaining, just curious." "Don't worry about it. Oh, but if the people from next door come over don't answer it. They'll get her back when I'm done with her." "How long have you had it?" "How long have you been on your mission?" "Three and a half weeks." "Same."

this is me

Just imagine if Alex was wearing a Supergirl onesie as her pajamas when Maggie came over to confess her love. Cuteness overload!!!!

  • Michael: I'm such a mature adult
  • Luke: You literally watched Dora for like 5 hours last week
  • Luke: You only got up to answer the fucking door
  • Michael: don't insult mi amour
  • Michael: she's multilingual
  • Michael: fucking exotic
  • Michael: knows her independence
  • Michael: and is smart af
  • Luke: she's like 5
  • Michael: 6 actually