don't answer the door

anonymous asked:

what about the stairs in the forests!!! and what doc were you watching and would you recommend?

ok so I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE STAIRS IN THE FORESTS! mainly because I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the U.S. Forest Service, and I Have Some Stories to Tell a) is posted on /r/nosleep so it’s definitely made up, b) the op admits to knowing about David Paulides, and lbr knowing about = being influenced by, so it’s definitely made up, and c) if you read all the way through to the end it stops being even vaguely believable and starts reading like a WTNV transcript, and then he plugs his book, so it’s DEFINITELY MADE UP. however, it is an amazing (read: terrifying) thread, some of it is obviously based on truths/insider SAR knowledge which means a lot of it is probably uncomfortably close to actually being true, and it’s a good Gateway Read into MISSING PEOPLE IN NATIONAL PARKS CONSPIRACY THEORIES, which is where I live now. (plus, if you read this before getting into anything else it imbues every single missing persons case with an unsettling sense of Eldritch horror, which is why I had to turn on three overheads and unfocus my eyes all the way to the bathroom last night at 2am.) 

so yeah, after reading that /r/nosleep thing for the first time I drew a line under it and moved on until SOMEONE (ahem@roundtop) sent me a link to an article called How 1,600 People Went Missing from Our Public Lands Without a Trace (on a legit and sensible outdoorsy people website), like ‘haha, stairs in the forest!’ and I SWAN DIVED DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. thus: the documentary-watching, staying up till 2am and spending all day today trying to find copies of David Paulides’ books for less than $80 inc. postage. 

THIS DUDE DAVID PAULIDES. he was in law enforcement before, for some reason, deciding to become a ~*~cryptozoologist~*~ and certified gung-ho Bigfoot conspiracy theorist, and through that found out about how many people had disappeared without a trace from National Parks in the U.S., did 7,000 hours worth of digging, and wrote a bunch of books about it. his books are called Missing 411 and are about the ridiculous number of people who go missing in National Parks, the usually weird circumstances around their disappearances, the fact that when people are found (dead or alive) it’s often in places miles and miles and sometimes waaaaay higher up mountains than where they disappeared from, and all sorts of creepy crap to boot. like they can’t get bloodhounds to find a scent, or they find tiny children miles away from where they got lost, barefoot, without a scratch on the soles of their feet, human remains being found years later in places that were search dozens and dozens of times. not to mention the National Parks… People (? I really don’t know enough to be making this post) are aware of what’s happening but don’t keep a list of the people who’ve gone missing on their lands. 

(which is all part of why I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the U.S. Forest Service is so freaky – enough of it (people being found miles away, kids being found up mountains, the people in charge being cagey about it all) sounds real that you can believe it was actually written by a SAR Officer. heebies!) 

it’s all real nightmare fuel, if you’re the sort of person who is absolutely terrified by all this Scary Forest Disappearing People Unexplainable Deaths stuff, i.e. me. luckily I can’t afford to buy any of them! phew! however, I haven’t let that stop me from a) SCARING MYSELF SHITLESS and b) BECOMING A TIN HATTER, and it shouldn’t stop you either: you can read loads of stuff over at /r/missing411, listen to one of his initial interviews (in which he talks about how he was approached by two park employees in plain clothes who were like ‘please investigate this, there’s SOMETHING going on and it’s so goddamn weird’) on Coast to Coast AM (which is, like, a paranormal radio station… I’m sorry), watch a bunch of Paulides’/CanAm Missing Project’s vids about disappearances on youtube, and listen to hours worth of interviews and late night spooky radio/podcast discussions with Paulides. 

the documentary I thought I was watching was Missing 411, which is based on his books and Kickstarted by the public in 2015, but it turns out that they’re apparently shopping it around at festivals so it’s not out yet. what I was actually watching (and quickly abandoned) was a weird supercut of all of David Paulides’ tv interviews and some cryptozoologist chatter about Bigfoot. Paulides, god love him, never ever SAYS Bigfoot in any of his books, and everything he presents is 100% factually accurate and extensively researched, but… I think we can safely say he thinks it’s Bigfoot. tbh, after reading about Jaryd Atadero I think it’s Bigfoot. I mean, goddamn. 

so, yeah. I’ve finished reading every search and rescue story on this blog (Hunt for the Death Valley Germans is LONG but awesome), I’ve got West of Memphis ready to watch after work tomorrow because I remembered how much I love that case and spooky true crime things, if you have any related LINKS or STUFF about This Shit then REBLOG THIS/MSG ME AND TELL ME, or if you have a copy of a Missing 411 book you wouldn’t mind mailing to me then LET ME KNOW, and in conclusion I can’t believe America is so fucking huge and unkind, goodnight.

anonymous asked:

your writing is crack to me I love it so much and it has never disappointed me I love you

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ;O; tysm ;; ♥♥♥

(to try to kick away writer’s block, i will do a write. for u anon. i hope you don’t mind me using your ask for this ;v;)

slight nsfw? i think? it’s got a fade-to-black, anyway.


In the end, quitting modeling for a boring office job was one of the best decisions Adrien had ever made, second only to moving out.

Oh, it was boring, to be sure, but it was sane. Stable. Reliable. He even got advance warning if his bosses wanted him to go out of the country for work—no more, “Ah, Adrien, you’re going to New York for a shoot, and you leave in the morning. Make sure to pack a toothbrush.”

(Yes, it had happened. Yes, his father did seem to take joy in uprooting his life. Yes, Nathalie was just as exasperated as he was.)

Moving out, while presenting a whole slew of foreseen and unforeseen challenges, was even better. He could come and go as he pleased, didn’t have to worry about how loud he or his friends were—hell, he could even leave his clothes on the floor.

It was a revelation.

[Bugaboo 💘] Any plans tonight, minou?

[Adrien] Not a one

[Bugaboo 💘] :D

It also meant that Ladybug—friend, partner, love of his life for ever and always—could drop in anytime she wanted.

Adrien had exactly zero problems with this, ever, at all, period. In fact, it was the exact opposite of a problem, even when she ate all his breakfast cereal and left his bathroom mirror fogged up.

(…It was possible that smelling his shampoo in her hair was another sort of revelation, but thinking about that one left the space in his chest feeling raw and jagged and empty with longing, so he tried not to.)

He stretched the kinks out of his back as he walked down the hall to his apartment, dropping Important Life Ruminations for simpler ones about whether Ladybug was already here (likely, and all the more thrilling for it), and whether she’d rather to go out for dinner or experiment with the contents of his cupboards.

He was just struggling to remember whether there were still eggs in the fridge when he realized that his front door had opened without him.

Ladybug, sighed everything inside him, even before he could fully register that it was her, cool relief pouring down his spine like homecoming.

He looked up, echoing the sentiment aloud with a soft, near-reverent, “Ladybu—”

And then choked on his tongue.

“Welcome back, hot stuff,” she greeted him easily, cheerily, like it was completely normal for her to be standing in his doorway in her mask—and her mask alone. “How was your day?”

Boobs, suggested his brain helpfully.

Yes, Adrien had noticed the boobs, thank you.

“Day?” he croaked.

“Yeah,” said Ladybug, a corner of her red lips curving into a smirk. “You know, that thing where the sky gets light and then gets dark again?”

No, Adrien didn’t know, because she chose that moment to fold her arms under her sweet, soft, supple—touchable, lickable, squeezable

Her—… her chest. She folded her arms under her chest.

Adrien swallowed a dying whimper.

“Because, you know—” And she wet her lips, pink against red in a nervous gesture that made Adrien want to drop to his knees. “—I bet I could make it better.”

Oh, thought Adrien, a broken, unprintable noise escaping from his throat as his ears rang and his head spun, this is a dream.

There was one long moment of stillness…

And then Ladybug pulled back with a frown.

“Sorry, was that too forward?” she asked, studying his face with concern. “I mean… I thought you…” The frown turned into an embarrassed grimace. “I mean, I don’t think any of my hints were getting through, so I thought I’d try this, but I can go put on clothes! I-if I’m making you uncomfortable!”

Or not.

“Ladybug,” he rasped, a modicum of mental circuitry restored at the reappearance of his best friend, “…how did you want this to end?”

“O-oh, well…” Her verbal flailing paused for long enough for her eyes to rove over him from head-to-toe, tongue flicking over the corner of her mouth in a gesture even more knee-weakening than the last. By the time she met his eye again, her gaze had turned dark, her cheeks had flushed, and Adrien felt like he’d been hit with an adrenaline shot or ten. “You know.”

And if that hadn’t been clear enough, then the noise she made when he kissed her sure was.

Moving out, he managed to think as Ladybug dragged him back and nudged the door shut behind him, moving out was definitely the best decision he’d ever made.


if it wasn’t quite clear enough, marinette/ladybug knows, but adrien/chat doesn’t. \o/ (no, there isn’t a story behind it)

I’m reading the stupid New Spring graphic novel, and these stupid idiots. Moiraine just did the most Iconic thing ever.  Someone was knocking on Siuan’s door in the middle of the night and was like “Siuan are you awake??” 

and Moiraine “No Chill” Damodred answered Siuan’s door, wearing pajamas and was like “She is now.” 

Nessian Date
  • Cassian: Nes lets go to that sea food restaurant I wanted to show you.
  • Nesta: No, I hate sea food and don't call me Nes!
  • * the next evening *
  • Cassian: * answers knocking at door*
  • Nesta?
  • Nesta: * Is dressed in lacy black dress* Why aren't you dressed. Get ready.
  • Cassian: Why?
  • Nesta: We are going to dinner at that sea food place.
  • Cassian: You said no to that.
  • Nesta:
  • Cassian: And that you hate sea food.
  • Nesta:
  • Cassian:
  • Nesta: *blinks once slowly* Ok and your point is?
  • Cassian: * trips trying to pull shoes and jacket on*

anonymous asked:

You're 16, not even suppose to be on this site/app. Fuck off jail bait. 🖕🖕

yikes™, someone’s pissy.

also, hey look everyone, it’s my first anon hate. how cute.

tumblr makes it pretty damn obvious that anyone over 12 can sign up you dumb cunt, so don’t get so hurt about having to tag your disgusting kinks.

jail bait, huh? what a lovely thing to say to a minor. i’m sure @blockthislittle and @fuwaprince would really appreciate that.

anonymous asked:

LA & GG are perfect. I don't know why you don't like them 😢

Forehead and Gerald are what now? 

Originally posted by plasticbagbarbie


WHO SUMMONED YOU SIS?

My question to you is what you doing on my account cause you know damn well this is a setup for me to drag! like?? 

Originally posted by ihiphop

anonymous asked:

How would UT and UF bros react to going over to his crush's house and they don't answer the door so he gets worried and just walks in bc it's unlocked and they're just... sitting in the floor smoking a bunch of weed and listening to Elvis Presley's heartbreak hotel and the look at the skel and say "Leave me alone to die" (sorry for this lilo and stitch reference)

UT!Sans

He actually finds the situation mildly hilarious. Maybe he’s just laughing from relief. He’s not sure, but he goes over and joins his crush in their Presley melancholy. He won’t do much, just hang around, crack a few jokes, show em some memes, steal some weed… by the end of it though, he’s sure he made his crush feel better. Admittedly, he’s kind of worried so he stays with them longer after the song had been put off and the weed all smoked. He brings them out for dinner and won’t stop his shenanigans until he’s sure they’re laughing for real.

UT!Pap

He goes into instant mothering mode. He’s extremely worried and he outwardly shows it. Obviously he’s not leaving them now! He won’t let them die!! He has to save them!!!!! The first thing he does is take away their weed because he strongly disapproves of smoking of any sort. He’d change their music to something… less depressing… and drag em to the kitchen for some cooking. They don’t have to participate. Pap knows from experience that people cheer up immensely just by watching him cook. Though he can’t figure out why, he thinks, as he flips a pancake onto the ceiling and tries to scale the window to get it down while his crush giggles. He knows why, he might be overdoing things just to make them laugh.

UF!Sans

Honestly, he kind of busted in there in a panic when they wouldn’t answer the door. He sees them on the floor and he kind of just full on smacks himself in the face. But honestly, same. He relates. He ends up stealing a blunt then chilling with them for a good ol depression party. He honestly sucks at cheering people up, but he’s not leaving his crush alone by a long shot. Just in case. Maybe he can’t pull them into a good mood, but the next best thing is feeling like trash together. Just invite Napstablook and Burgerpants and you’ve got a full out Depression Disco Party.

UF!Pap

He scoffs at them, thinking they’re acting ridiculous. Though he is kind of worried about their wellbeing. He’s not sure what to do. He can’t exactly comfort them all soft and cuddly like. No, he’s got to stay cool and tough if he’s ever going to win their favour. He ends up just sticking around their house instead of leaving, maybe would put the TV on. He’d try to snap them out of whatever they’re in by telling them they’re acting irrational and ridiculous, which of course does not help. If things escalate, he’d try awkward there, theres and stiff patting. In the end he’ll just get them a gift hoping it would cheer them up.

anonymous asked:

where i work, we have to unlock the fitting rooms for people. so please for fuck's sake answer when i knock on the door. if you don't answer i will assume the room is empty and try to open it. im knocking for a reason.

Same goes for bathrooms. If I knock fucking answer so I don’t start cleaning a urinal before hearing your nasty ass fart and realize I walked in on a man shitting in on of the men’s room stalls that didn’t answer when I fucking knocked. -Abby

sierraseas  asked:

US/UF/SF Skele bro reaction. They haven't heard from SO in X amount of days. They don't answer the phone, social media, the door nothing. When they do find SO they're in their room just laying in bed. They don't speak or react to anything. When skele is done talking SO slowly scoots over, opens the covers; a spot for them. If skele gets in the bed it's like the spell is broken. SO crys voice a whisper. I'm sorry. Sometimes I get sad. It hasn't been this bad in years. Please don't go. I love you.

I’m sorry this took so long!! 

Underswap

Sans

Blue is worried sick about you and this is one of the few times where he’s actually really angry! He’s not overly clingy, but a phone call just ONCE would be nice so he’s not constantly worried if something happened to you or if you’re mad at him. But when he finds you curled up in your room, all that anger just disappears. He could tell that something’s wrong so when you invite him to your bed, he climbs in and lets you break down. It hurts to see you this way so after you’re done crying, Blue encourages you to get out of bed and go outside with him for some fresh air. The whole time, he motivates you and praises you for being so amazing and that he loves you. 

Papyrus

Stretch understands. He has moments where he doesn’t want to talk to anyone or deal with anything either, but it’d be nice if you would send him a quick text before you disappear so he’s not constantly worried. When he finds you holed up in your bedroom, he knows exactly what to do. You don’t even need to move over or explain yourself, Stretch just climbs on top of you and whispers small praises and compliments in his soothing voice. Of course he falls asleep on you and you’re forced to cuddle with him. 

Underfell

Sans

Red is fucking pissed at you! He’s wrecked with worry when you disappear and isn’t even sure if you’re alive! If he finds you, will you be cold by a riverbed? Or hanging from the ceiling? Or were you finally fed up with him that you just left him without saying anything? Either way, he’s going to kill you when he finds you.  When he does find you though, he’s yelling at you, hurling harsh words that he’s going to regret later. He was just about to leave and let you suffer through whatever shit you’re going through by yourself, until you move over and invite him to lay down next to you. Red reluctantly joins you, only because he still loves you, and when you break down and cry into his shirt, all that anger disappears as he wraps his arms around you and holds you until you feel better.

Papyrus

Like Red, Fell is fucking pissed and plays the ol’ ignoring game. If you’re ignoring his texts and calls, he’s ignoring you too. A part of him worries that you might be dead, but he believes that you’re strong enough to survive….are you? Finally, he just says “fuck it” and decides to just confront you for treating the Great and Terrible Papyrus this way and when he finds you curled up in your room, he gives you a piece of his mind. He doesn’t even take your offer to climb into bed with you because are you serious right now? He leaves your house and slams the door behind him. But as he stood on your porch, all he could think about was your heartbroken expression when he rejected him and the guilt builds up until he goes back inside and holds up, apologizing for being such an asshole. But don’t think you’re getting off easy, he’s still mad that you didn’t return his calls or texts, but for now, cry into his shoulder if you want. 

Swapfell

Sans

Black takes your disappearance as a sign that you broke up with him and he tears the entire town looking for you so he could yell at you for daring to break up with him. Him! Hasn’t he been a good boyfriend? Given you everything that you’ve ever wanted? Black feels so betrayed and a little insecure because did you even love him in the first place or were you just using him and laughing at him like everyone else? When he finds you in bed, he actually uses his blue magic to hold you down and throws a cyan bone at you. He doesn’t exactly want to hurt you (kinda sorta) but he’s so angry and you just happen to be there as an outlet. When he notices how sad you are, he takes back the attack and just awkwardly rubs your back and holds your hand. Yeah, maybe he needs to work on his communication too. 

Papyrus

Rus is worried sick out of his mind and constantly calls and texts you in hopes that you would answer. He doesn’t ask for help because if people found out that you disappeared, you might get hurt. When he finds you in your room, he’s just so relieved that you’re alive and okay. He happily joins you when you invite him to lay down with you and of course, he lets you hold him and cry into his shirt. Rus strokes your hair and mutters small “I love yous” and “I’m not going anywhere”. After you finish crying, Rus carries you into the kitchen, where he prepare a nice meal for you. 

Imagine your brOTP

“I live next door and I keep having to sign for your weird parcels. What on earth are you ordering, and why are you never in??”

But like, why answer the door for strangers when you can instead pretend you’re on a stealth mission in a video game, and sneak through your house in order to get out of sight safely and avoid human interaction altogether?