Tony is 100% the type to burrow (read: steal) clothes from people.
He has an old, well-worn MIT hoodie that used to belong to Rhodey and wears it during the winter. Rhodey stopped making comments about it years ago.
Tony has a pair of mittens that used to belong to Pepper and after 10+ times of trying to get them back, she just lets it go. She comments on how nice his mittens are whenever they’re together and he wears them. It becomes a sort of inside joke.
After losing his favorite hoodie to Natasha one to many times, Tony takes her favorite black slippers. Natasha makes no comment when she sees him wear them from time to time.
Tony takes one of Bruce’s lab coats and likes to wear when he’s about to preform “mad science things” and Bruce just smiles softly in the background.
Tony once used Thor’s cape as a blanket after he comes up from his workshop after several hours of working. He still has it, but keeps it in his bedroom.
Clint says nothing when Tony walks into the kitchen one early morning wearing light purple sleeping shirt. When asked about the shirt later, Clint shrugs and says “He looks good in purple.”
Tony likes to steal Steve’s shirts because they are freaking huge and he has the excuse of not wearing pants. They also smell like home and Tony likes that.
When Bucky finally moves in with the Avengers and all is good, Tony would constantly make jokes about ‘winter is coming’. Bucky, of course, was super confused by this until someone finally explained that it was a Game of Thrones. Thinking this could be a good way to connect with Tony, he watches (and loves) the entire series, and even starts the books.
Turns out though, Tony’s never actually watched or read the series, just would make that one joke, because Sci-Fi is a million times better than fantasy to Tony. Bucky, on the other hand, is a hardcore fantasy nerd, who definitely loved Tolkien before the war and was thrilled to find out he wrote more after. So instead of bonding over GoT, they constantly argue over which is better, Sci-fi or Fantasy, except neither really has a ton of exposure to the other to have a really fair opinion about the other.
One day, Tony points this out, saying that Bucky doesn’t know shit about Sci-fi and can’t say anything about fantasy being better. As soon as the words leave Tony’s mouth, Bucky looks at him, points to his metal arm, and says “Bitch I am Sci-Fi”.
Tony was left speechless and everyone else in the room who was listening to the debate was pissing their pants laughing.
Why do people like my trash? I sat here and decided to nerd out over domestic avengers and its over 200 notes??
•There is absolutely no way you can convince me that if people made fun of the fact that Peter’s super hero name is literally Spiderman Nat would just menacingly walk up behind them and cough loudly. Sam always gets scared by it and you cant convince me otherwise
•Nerf gun wars, I love this idea, because fully trained assassins and enhanced beings forming teams and setting up forts n shit. Scott would convince the youngsters (Peter, Wanda, Vision, and Groot) that they should add superglue to the end of theirs. The OGs add thumb tacks to theirs and theres tension so thick you could cut it after someone shot bucky and Wanda with them. They take the gods and start a rampage. Everyone is terrified. Why did you add thumb tacks and why did you shoot wanda? Scott is nowhere to he found and Drax survives by standing still in the middle of the living room, nobody dares touch Shuri, Aunt may, or Gamora because they’re super competitive and will beat your ass.
•You know that movie tag? That starts up. Everyone is even more terrified because Clint is doing that trope where he practically lives in the vents, and will not hesitate to break the table so he can tag you. Of course, Scott initiated it, Sam was it first, and thats when all hell broke loose. Wanda doesn’t play at first because Pietro loved tag and she’s bad at it, but then she realizes she can just float away with magic, and Vision is practically around the corner whenever she says as little as ‘ouch’ Tony tags Steve during press conferences and doesn’t care what the reporters say, the Wakandans are terrifying, because they rock at tag and somehow know how to confuse everyone.
•Imagine dinner on a holiday, Wanda banning Vision from cooking, Clint carrying burning hot metal pans around because “wE DONT HAVE TIME TO FEEL PAIN WANDA” when Wanda has magical powers. Thor and Loki are trying to help, but they’re in the corner with everyone else who don’t know how to cook. Laura and the kids are surprisingly good at this, but Laura has to get the kids out when Clint is being an idiot and taking the turkey or ham out with his bare hands. Natasha just silently hands everyone one of Tony’s credit cards. The only ones who actually got him gifts (that wouldn’t be his credit cards) are Pepper, Peter, Bruce, and Thor. Wanda got Legos, and she’s hyped because she loves legos, and freaks out like a child because she is hyped. Thats the only idea i have for gifts on this one, because Wanda just seems like she’d enjoy legos.
•Pool party where Wanda is flying around in normal clothes half the time because she’s playing football with the guys. Shuri is laughing at Memes with Scott and Peter, Quill is making out with Gamora behind a tree, Wanda and Vision find this out because they were IN the leafy part of the tree making out, and the couples end up laughing about this before Wanda falls out of said. Steve is very competitive over chicken, and he and Bruce are the power team, and are absolutely failing against Drax and Thor, because thor was literally a god. Shuri and Peter are worrying people with Gen Z humor and T’Challa is very concerned. Loki turns into a water snake, because Thor loves snakes, and goes “mblllger!” and stabs him in the hand. Thor is not amused.
•Rhodey sets up movie nights and has them binge entire series. Movie ‘nights’ usually last till the last person is asleep, or until Clint is turning all the coffee machines on at once to because he wants yo be ‘ultimately awake’ and Nat has to break the coffee machines again. Wanda is no longer invited to horror nights/they’re not allowed to watch horror movies because last time Vision, Scott, Sam, Quill, Mantis, and Tony ended up being slammed against the wall because they were all sitting near her during a jumpscare. Gamora wont admit it but she loves romantic movies, more specifically the more realistic ones, and Quill caught her crying last time they watched one. Bucky is fascinated with documentaries and will riot if they dont watch at least one a night. Most (excluding drax and Tony) are huge Disney fans, and will stay up forever because they want to watch the next movie. Wanda, Quill, Mantis, and Sam prefer Pixar, while Steve, Rocket, Groot, and Shuri prefer Dreamworks.
•I really need to stop spending an hour on domestic avengers posts to deal with infinity war blues.
•thix is really shitty im sorry, I haven’t slept in over twelve hours and i’ve only eaten icecream
I know everybody loves the domestic avengers and trust me so do I but pals… just picture the domestic defenders
Jessica and Matt bickering over absolutely everything that goes on in the flat because she is Grump Supreme™ and he just loves to egg her on and play devil’s advocate (and yes he makes jokes about that in his own mind)
Luke just kind of watching them like an older brother with one eyebrow raised and this little smirk on his face and Actual Human Puppy Dog Daniel Rand sitting by Luke and watching the bickering happen with this big grin because honestly he’s just happy to be there
They all do work together sometimes and they’ll sit in a circle around a coffee table, working one of Jessica’s cases and Matt handles a lot of the paperwork because he’s a lawyer and he’s the only one who really actually knows how to do paperwork well
Jess doesn’t have to worry about stuff in her office getting broken by angry clients anymore because Danny always covers damage costs even though she constantly tells him not to
For some reason Danny is really enthusiastic about trying to teach all of them kung fu? They never let him because he’s basically the baby brother of the group and it would be painfully weird for him to be teaching them things
Matt, Jessica and Luke all conclude that Danny needs to be introduced into all things pop culture seeing as he’s been away for fifteen years and they love watching (and yelling at in Jessica’s case) Game of Thrones while all sitting on this Insanely Comfortable Couch that Danny got them, and all 3 of them are insistent that Loras Tyrell is the spitting image of Danny but he refuses to believe it
Luke is a surprisingly good cook??? So as much as they like ordering in when they have a lot of work do so they can get down to business and absentmindedly eat at the same time, they also sometimes enjoy sitting at the table and eating a real meal together as a team (Mr. Catholic Guy Matthew Michael Murdock always prays before he eats, Danny quietly says a rite the monks taught back in K'un-Lun, Jessica literally just kinda says “GRACE”)
As much of a porcupine as Jessica is, she actually really likes Danny and, though she won’t admit it, begrudgingly likes Matt as well
They sit in silence a lot just working or thinking and they do it practically anywhere; sometimes they just go for walks around Manhattan and say nothing, part of the reason for this is that they’re on patrol and part of the reason is that Danny wants to see as much of the city as he can and the others can’t refuse him (especially when he looks down all sad with those big precious puppy dog eyes of his) since he consistently does so much for them
They don’t often get into legitimate fights but if they do, they always all go separately to Claire and she just sighs and sits them all down together and yells at them to work it out
And rarely, very rarely, in the quiet hours of the morning, they’re able to get off their chests the hardest things they’ve been through and they kind of pour out their pain to one another and it’s in those moments that they’re at their most like a real team of heroes, and big brash tough Jessica’s voice gets so so small and peaceful Luke gets furious and Matt weeps from eyes that can’t see and Danny, sweet pure ball of sunshine, cries the quietest, angriest tears there are
and then they go out and beat the crap out of criminals because there’s nothing more cathartic than justice
So some of you guys apparently liked the last one I wrote?? So now there’s this one (instead of me studying for exams). Tell me if the length turns you off?
Basically Tony gets sick and tired of how good Bucky and Steve are together. (Bitter Tony comes up with wild ideas.)
The breakfast bar was officially the worst place to sit.
There was nothing wrong with the actual seats, per say - they were perfectly comfortable stools - the problem was the view that the bar advertised. If one looked up from their breakfast at the breakfast bar, as Tony was studiously not doing at the moment, they’d see Steve Rogers spoon feeding Bucky Barnes at the kitchen table.
It wouldn’t have been a problem if they were being a sickly cute couple just in the kitchen. But no, Tony wasn’t that lucky. The two were the grossest couple around every fucking corner. On the field, they fought together with an understanding that Tony was only familiar with in his machines. During movie nights, they sat on top of each other and hogged the caramel corn. Even when they weren’t together, you could catch one or the other smiling down at their phone, no doubt because of something the other had sent.
Tony couldn’t care less about what they did together in their free time; he really didn’t. But why did they have to do it in front of him all the time?
He tipped the last of his cereal into his mouth as he got up from the bar, throwing the dish into the sink as he practically ran out of the kitchen. An idea was forming, in the peripheral of his mind.
Tony stood over the final product of his idea. It was crude, but he knew - God, he knew - that it would be effective. Now it was time to lure them in.
Steve and Bucky stared at the IKEA box. “Are you sure that this is a team building exercise?”
He huffed. “Well, it’s not SHEILD issued or anything. Just trust me,” Tony said as he pushed them a little farther into the workshop. “If you can do this, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be able to do anything.”
Steve and Bucky looked at each other skeptically, probably doing their fucking couple-telepathy. Steve drew in a breath, hands shifting off of his hips as he walked towards the box. “If you say so, Tony.”
“Are you gonna join us, doll?”
Tony looked at Bucky. “Sorry, Bucky. I’m just here to set you guys up; I have some repairs I need to make on the suit. Don’t worry though,” he winked as he swept past the two super soldiers. “I’m just going to be over here if you guys need the genius to help.”
He sensed Steve shaking his head exasperatedly, and smiled a little as he sat down in the perfect spot to watch shit hit the fan.
He believed in them. They probably wouldn’t have too much trouble assembling IKEA furniture together.
But that’s why he swapped the instructions out with a completely different IKEA item.
And hid one - and only one - of the screws necessary for the build.
This was ridiculous.
They hadn’t accomplished much in terms of finishing the furniture, yet the two of them didn’t even seem slightly annoyed; their quips were full of good-nature, and there was no tense atmosphere underneath them.
Even IKEA couldn’t break them.
Tony threw the thruster shaft he was cleaning onto the table and ran a hand over his face.
“You okay, Tony?”
Steve’s concerned voice floated over to him. He turned around, busying himself with the contraptions nearest to his hands, not wanting to look at them or he knew that he was going to scream. “Just fine,” he knew his voice was tight, and he quickly tried to rectify it. “A little thirsty. You boys want a drink?”
There was a pause, and Tony knew that they were looking at each other. “Sure, doll.” He took the opportunity when he saw it and fled the room.
Tony was gone for a few minutes. He had gathered himself in the kitchen, practiced a smile to make sure he wouldn’t let the bitterness seep through again, and grabbed a couple glasses and a pitcher of lemonade. When he approached the workshop with his hands full he was surprised at what he heard.
Were those - were those raised voices he heard?
“Bucky, that doesn’t go -”
“Well fuck, Steve! It sure as hell doesn’t go wherever you wanna stick it!”
Tony reached the doorway in time to see Steve grab his hair in frustration. “You don’t need to start yellin’! It was just a suggestion!”
“You’re the one who -”
Tony set the lemonade and glasses onto the nearest table. He wasn’t sure what to do now; he hadn’t thought this far in his plan. Probably step in?
“Hey! Hey, what’s wrong?”
The other two men turned to him, Bucky still pointing at Steve accusingly while Steve had his hands splayed out in front of him.
“He kept fucking dropping the -” “- Bucky apparently doesn’t know how to read -” “- Hey!”
“Guys,” Tony placated weakly.
Steve waved him off, and started to walk out the door to the workshop.
“Where are you going?” Bucky called after his boyfriend.
“Away from you!”
Bucky set his shoulders. “Yeah? Well, fuck you too!”
Steve flipped him off and continued down the hallway leading away from the workshop. Tony watched him go.
This is what Tony wanted, right?
Tony felt victorious.
He finally broke up the sickly cuteness that was Bucky and Steve; they were no longer in his face every hour of the day. The breakfast bar returned to its former perfection, movie night had the two barely interacting, and they no longer fought near each other on the battle field. He accomplished exactly what he had set out to do.
That’s what he told himself every time he saw one without the other.
He’s just not familiar with how victory feels. Is it supposed to feel like his stomach is trying to escape to the floor? He’s not supposed to want to look them in the eye, right?
He regrets it.
Tony lasts six days of Bucky and Steve being on radio silence with each other before breaking.
How did IKEA do this?
It was time to initiate the ‘fix-the-shit-that-I-broke-because-it-turns-out-I-never-wanted-this’ plan.
“Bucky. Will you sit with me?” He felt Steve tense on the other side of him as Bucky walked into the movie room, but ignored him as he trained his best puppy eyes on the Winter Soldier. The engineer watched as Bucky looked at Steve, as if weighing Tony’s puppy eyes and having to sit on the same love seat as Steve. Eventually, he made up his mind and began walking over to Tony.
“Sure, doll.” The love seat allowed all of them to sit on it, but it was just a stitch too small.
It was a small feat, but having the super soldiers on either side of him - mere feet from each other - made him feel like he had a fair chance of fixing the mess he made.
Tony looked up from the french toast he was making and smiled as Steve ambled into the kitchen. “You’re up early,” he yawned.
“I wanted to make breakfast this morning. It feels like a french toast kind of day, y’know?” He moved a plate stacked with already finished french toast to the table. “You want some?”
“God, yes,” Steve shuffled further into the room, finally seeing the rest of the table. But, most importantly, Bucky who was sitting at the end already digging into the plate Tony had plunked on the table. The two made eye contact for a second.
“Are you gonna eat, doll?” Bucky gestured at the seat between him and Steve. The suggestion seemed like the best way to ensure the both of them would stay at the table, so Tony finished up putting ingredients away and sat down between the two.
The arrangement felt good to Tony; made him feel lighter. Like the guilt was evaporating.
Afterwards, both of the boys stayed behind to help Tony do the dishes before heading their separate ways. The voluntary time together also felt good, even if it ended with them leaving again.
Tony slowly and carefully found more and more ways to get them in the same room. They seemed to be less hesitant to be together - which the genius counted as a win - but they always insisted that they weren’t alone, which left Tony the job of being the Human Wall between them.
It’s progress, no matter how slow, so Tony was happy.
“You know that they’re playing you, right?” Natasha was draped across the couch, her attention mostly on cleaning the new knives Clint had got her.
Tony looked at her. “What? Who?”
He could see her roll her eyes from his spot on the couch beside her. Her feet were in his lap. Natasha scoffed. “The boys. Who else?”
Tony felt his eyebrows furrow and his lips tug down into a frown. “That doesn’t really specify anything. What do you mean, ‘they’re playing you’?”
She swung her feet out of his lap, sitting up to face him. “Antoshka,” she chided softly. “If they were really in a fight, then why haven’t they asked for separate rooms yet?” Tony opened his mouth, but was glad that Natasha interrupted him - he didn’t know the answer to that question. “Have they actually told anyone that they’ve broken up?”
“Well, no, but -”
“And what even sparked this fight anyway?” She raised an eyebrow. “It had to be pretty big. You saw the way they acted before; they spoon fed each other.”
Tony opened his mouth again, but nothing came out. He sat for several long seconds. “But… why?”
Natasha shrugged. “You should ask them for yourself.” She layed back down, her feet planting firmly in his lap again as he just sat there, trying to process the information.
After a few minutes, he lifted her feet and got up, placing them in his spot before going to find the stupid idiots.
He found Steve in his room. “Hey, Tony - ow ow ow!” Tony didn’t bother responding to the greeting, marching straight up to the super soldier and grabbing his ear before marching back out the door, Steve trailing behind him with a stream of, “Ow ow ow - Tony, what are you - OW!”
He caught Bucky next, just leaving the training rooms. The Winter Soldier assessed the situation, saw the fire in Tony’s eyes, and quickly spluttered out, “Woah, before we do anything too drastic now - ow, doll!” Before Tony got his other hand on Bucky’s arm.
“Why does he get an arm when I get an ear,” he heard Steve grumble behind him. He dragged both of them into his workshop, letting them go as he asked JARVIS to lock the door. Tony sat on the nearest table, arms crossed, and just stared at the two. Slowly, they began to break under his gaze; Bucky resorted to fidgeting while Steve refused to make eye contact with him, choosing to instead look at the floor.
Oh, they knew they were guilty.
“Tony, doll -”
The pissed engineer made a hand gesture, and Bucky’s words cut off abruptly. “You guys aren’t actually fighting, are you.” It wasn’t a question.
Guilt practically oozed from them, shoulders hunched and eyes averted. “Not - uh, not really.”
Tony broke his cold demeanor to throw his hands in his hair, tugging a little as he paced, still keeping his distance from the two. “But why? Was it to get back at me?” Tony turned on them, drawing in a sharp breath. “Look, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit of a dick about you two, but -”
“What? No! No, we weren’t trying to get back at you!” Steve raced to correct, hands held out to soothe.
Tony threw his hands from his hair. “Then why!” he implored. “Was it funny or something?”
The two of them looked at each other, and Tony felt the earlier annoyance at them surface again. Before he could manifest that annoyance, Bucky blurted, “Doll, haven’t you noticed… y’know, Steve and I acting weirdly?”
“Before or after you faked a fight to play me?” Tony bit dryly.
Steve winced. “Before.”
Tony scrunched his face, licking his lips a little as he tried to think. There wasn’t anything… except… “Are you talking about you two being… overly liberal with PDA?”
Steve pointed at Tony emphatically. “Yes! That!”
“What does that have to do with this?”
Bucky sighed. “Tony, doll. We were trying to make you jealous.”
He blinked. Then, leaning forward a little as if it would correct his hearing, he blinked again. “I’m sorry?”
“Jealous,” Steve repeated. “We’ve liked you for a while now, and we thought that a bit of jealously would… I don’t know,” he threw his hands up weakly. “Make you like us? It sounds like a bad plan saying it out loud, but we thought it would work.”
Tony felt like he was going into shock. His hands shouldn’t be this cold, should they? “But we were obviously wrong; you seemed… jealous, yeah, but instead of flirting more, you seemed to draw away,” Bucky picked up. “So we thought, uh, maybe the opposite would work?”
The genius was shocked. Yes, about the explanation the two gave, but also; “And it fucking worked, too!” He thought about how many times he sandwiched himself between the two, feeding them, fighting with them, trying to get them on speaking terms again.
He had turned into what he had initially set out to destroy.
What sneaky mother fucking geniuses!
Bucky and Steve glanced at each other again, looking slightly hopeful before turning back to Tony. “Does that - does that mean you like us, too?”
“And you aren’t mad at us anymore?” Bucky pipped up quickly.
“I’m still mad at you. But as for the first part…” Tony gave them a look, one that had them both grinning with relief.
*** Some weeks later.
The breakfast bar was once again officially the worst place to sit.
If one looked up from their breakfast at the breakfast bar, as everyone studiously did not, they’d see two super soldiers at the kitchen table, Tony sitting between them, as they spoon fed a certain genius engineer who also happened to be their boyfriend.
The first time Peter had coffee was an accident. Clint was babysitting him and set his coffee down for a second, when he picked it up, Peter was swinging from light fixtures. It took Clint, Natasha, and tony about an hour to get him to sleep.