Dear strip club customers,
Last night we had a club full of customers who all wanted to sit and watch and not spend any money, but they all sure did want our phone numbers and can I just say– just–I think it’s time we had a talk. Because I love you, dear customers, really I do. So I want to help you help us. Honestly guys, it’s not that hard to be a good strip club patron m, but so many of you seem to have a difficult time grasping what is and is not acceptable behavior. So I provide this list of tips with all the love in the world. Read it. Share it with your friends. Print it out and put it on your fridge. Keep it in your pocket for reference. Do whatever it takes to remember the following things, and it will make everybody’s night better.
•If you don’t have money that you’re willing to spend on the dancers, don’t come. We don’t get paid by the club. Come with money to spend, and actually spend it, or else stay home because you’re taking up space and wasting everybody’s time.
•If a dancer has spent a significant amount of time sitting with you and you aren’t going to get a dance, tip her for the time. We have a limited amount of one in which to make as much as possible, and unless you told her up front that you didn’t want any dances, you wasted hers. Y'all can pay six bucks for a beer but a few dollars (minimum) tip for a beautiful woman is the biggest rip off in the world? Really?
•Don’t haggle us over our dance prices. It’s insulting as hell.
•If a dancer tells you not to touch her in a certain way, don’t do it. It’s wrong elsewhere; it doesn’t stop being wrong just because we’re not fully clothed. Not to mention, you can get us fucking FIRED because your selfish, rapist ass “couldn’t help it.” If you “can’t help it,” stay the fuck at home, you god damn creep.
•Don’t complain to us about the prices of dances, rooms, or whatever else the club has to offer in terms of dancer-customer interaction.
• “You have to work for this dollar!” S T O P
•Don’t get mad at us for not wanting to spend time with you when you don’t have any money to spend or just don’t want to part with it. You not being able to afford a dance is not our problem. You being stingy isn’t our problem. We are WORKING. It’s not an outrageous concept to want to make money for doing our jobs!
• “It’s all about the money for you!” YES! If your boss told you you would no longer be getting paid, you would stop showing up for work, wouldn’t you? We all work because we want to get paid. Again, why is it such an outrageous concept that we want to find someone who will compensate us for our work? If you want a girl to spend time with you for no pay, Tinder is absolutely free.
• Quit acting like because you’re young and attractive, you’re exempt from the rules. “I should get a dance for free because I’m young and hot.” Nobody cares about your fucking appearance. PAY US. Furthermore, quit telling us, “Oh I don’t get dances, I can get laid whenever.” Good for you. Get the hell out and go find someone to fuck you then. Why come if you aren’t going to spend money? You’re a dick. And no, I won’t let you take me to dinner instead, you cheap, cocky fuck.
•Stop asking us for our numbers; we are there to WORK, not find a fuck buddy or relationship.
If you can’t treat us with respect, just don’t come! Idk why so many of you seem to think that you can come to our place of work and act like total jerks.
Regardless of how you feel about what we’re doing, we are there doing an actual job, and YOU CHOSE to come see us. What’s more, we pay from our own pockets for the pleasure of dealing with your rude, ungrateful, disrespectful asses for no base pay, and with no guarantee of making any money at all (because what we make depends on what YOU, the customers, give us. Most of us are independent contractors and therefore don’t get paid by the club). The least you can do is act right if you’re going to come to our clubs.
Come with money and be ready to spend it, quit expecting us to bend over backwards for a single dollar (how fucking condescending and annoying can you possibly be??), and treat us like human beings. It’s not that hard.With love, Amara 😘