Mission: Either pick a starter (or 2 or 3 or 1500) or have people ask you to write a small thing in 300 words or less in response. You (or your followers) can pick whether you make it angsty or fluffy or smutty or whatever and who you’re writing about. Feel free to add starters!
Starters: “I can’t sleep without you here…” “I’m fine.” “It’s fine.” “I’m not okay.” “I’m okay.” “I’m leaving…and I’m not coming back.” “I never meant to hurt you.” “I never meant for it to go this far.” “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” “I’m never going to leave you.” “Shh, you’re safe now.” “I can’t remember the last time I was happy.” “I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.” “Great, how are we supposed to get home now?” “I hope you like scary movies!” “You’re not gonna cry, are you?” “I got the call last night…” “Wow, I guess you really are that ticklish.” “I tried to surprise you, but I spilled your coffee on the way over…” “Do you wanna get out of here?” “Did you hear something?” “Shh, I think I hear something.” “You smell really nice.” “I wish you would talk to me.” “I need you to talk to me.” “Can you hear me?” “Please don’t do this…” “You won’t miss me.” “I wish I never met you.” “I wish I met you sooner.” “You wanna go back to my place?” “You should think about what you’ve done.”
So far, in the two years I’ve worked at the library I have:
•accidentally scared the heck out of multiple people with my apparently unusual silence while moving
•said alarming things in unguarded moments like “any pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself”
•occasionally come up to the front desk to report alarming and/or weird things discovered in the stacks (like a rock hard sandwich so old it was literally green) in a completely deadpan voice
•brought my twin to visit right at the end of my shift and thoroughly confused all my coworkers and bosses
□it’s been almost a week, they’re still talking about it
□apparently it was very disorienting for everyone
□I have been asked if I’m really me three times so far, “just in case”, which is funny because we’re definitely not identical
□today one coworker squinted at me suspiciously and asked quietly, “Are you real?”
I honestly didn’t know how to answer that.
•I brought my lunch to work today and I was informed that this is the first time they’ve actually seen me eat?
○they’ve seen me get my sunflower seeds or trail mix plenty of times? Except that apparently doesn’t count?
□this has alarming implications including but not limited to I just realized I forgot to eat dinner again and I gotta go fix that real quick
In your opinion, how at risk am I for becoming a Library Cryptid?
On June 30, 2017 I was laid to rest when the legend the icon my mother Da’Vonne Diane Rogers tweeted me. My edges are snatched. I am bald. I am scalped. All of y’all are invited to eulogize me at my funeral.
Bruce: No, son. It’s not just the T.V. remote. It’s the symbol of my sanity. That T.V. remote helps me keep a grip on my sanity when you people drive me insane. Do you know how many of you there are? I can’t go anywhere in this house without seeing kids. You’re all so loud and hyper and you never sit still or shut up. I can never get peace or even rest. I go to sleep dreaming about going to sleep. That remote is all I have left.
Tim: Yeah, I’m gonna go outside now.
Damian and Jason: *playing a board game*
Damian: You’re cheating!
Jason: No, I’m just better than you.
Damian: No, you’re cheating!
Jason: Don’t take it personal, kid. I’m older than you, and that means I’m gonna be better than you at a lot of things.
Damian: *punches Jason in the face*
Jason: *standing over the sink with a bloody nose* What the hell, man? You get mad for losing a 15 minute board game so now I get a crooked nose for the rest of my life?
Damian:I guess reflexes aren’t on your “I’m better at it than you” list.
*the number of kids in the family keeps growing*
Dick: God, at this rate, we’re gonna have to rent out an arena for family reunions.
Jason: Family reunions? Who says I’m gonna want to see any of you again?
Damian: Who said we would invite you?
Dick: So, should we eat at McDonald’s or Subway?
Tim: Who cares? We’re all just going to inevitably die anyway no matter where we eat, so what’s the point? What is the point?
Dick: So Subway?
Tim: Yeah, McDonald’s would only kill us faster.
Damian: I don’t have friends. I just have you people.
Jason: No no. It’s, “I don’t have friends because I have you people.”
Dick: So, if you count nine months backwards from the month you were born, you get an idea of what might have brought on your creation.
Jason: That’s disgusting. Why would I want to know that?
Dick: *smiles evilly at Jason*
Jason: You already figured mine out, didn’t you.
Dick: Congratulations! You are the product of one hell of a Christmas celebration!
Jason: I would’ve happily gone my entire life without knowing that.
Dick: So were you born this evil or did something make you this way?
Damian: I’m the youngest in this train wreck of a family. What do you think?
Dick: Yeah okay.
Dick: As your elder sibling, I’m going to give you some tips on how to survive in life.
Tim: Is that what you’re doing?
Dick: I– *breaks down* I honestly have no idea.
Dick: I have my great ass and my ability to completely ignore how much I don’t know what I’m doing working for me. What do you have?
Jason: A master plan and a raging, fiery sense of calculated vengeance.
Dick: Yeah, that’ll do it.
Tim and Damian: *watching the neighborhood kids play*
Tim: Look at them. They’re having so much fun. They’re so happy.
Damian: How long do you think it’ll be until they lose the will to live?
Tim: You’re the youngest. How close are you?
Damian: I’m already there.
Tim: And how old are you?
Tim: Those kids are doomed.
Damian: This is so humiliating.
Dick: Hey, remember what family you’re in. We sold our dignity to the devil for good looks.
Jason: Yeah, and it looks like he ripped you off.
Bruce: Good morning.
Damian: Dad, you just put salt in your coffee.
Bruce: Adulthood is a trap, son.
Damian: What are you–
Bruce: Happiness is an illusion.
Bruce: I’m going back to bed.
Inspired by my hot mess of a family. If there’s one thing our dysfunctional dynamic brings, it’s humor in the face of crippling stress. lolol Hope you enjoyed!