doing a dwalin over these two

So, a few weeks ago, I said I would write a bagginshield fic for this post based on a game called Too Hot. The players kiss without touching each other. The first one to touch the other loses and the winner gets to make the loser do whatever they want. I was going to make this smuttier but Thorin and Bilbo had different ideas. Ah well. Perhaps there will be a sequel 

“This is a really stupid game,” Thorin grumbles, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He is not pouting, regardless of the look he is receiving from Dwalin. He hates that look. Almost as much as he hates this stupid game.

“You were laughing along with everyone else at Kili only two seconds ago,” his friend reasonably reminds him, which only makes Thorin glower harder. Kili makes a token sound of protest to his right but he ignores it.

“Because he lasted two blasted seconds before he had his hands all over the girl!” he protests because it was funny. Of course, Kili is completely drunk off his arse and can’t keep his hands off his girlfriend on a normal day. Thorin suspects Tauriel knew she was going to win when she agreed to play. After, when Fili asked her what she is going to make Kili do, she just smiled a sharp, predatory smile and said,

“Dinner with my step-father. In a tux and on his best behavior,” to which everyone cringed. Or laughed hysterically, in Fili’s case. Everyone knows how intimidated Kili is by Thranduil. Perhaps it doesn’t help that Thranduil has arrested him more than once, a fact that no one is going to forget any time soon. Or that he threatened Kili when he and Tauriel started dating. Also more than once. Thorin just hopes his nephew survives the dinner.

Actually, Thorin wants to survive tonight, speaking of surviving things.  

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A Dwalin Fanfic

This will be another longer one, based on an imagine found here

The first time I had met Dwalin was in a pub not long before the quest started. I’d traveled there from the Iron Hills just for the thrill of doing something on my own instead of being followed wherever I went, insisting I needed protection.

My family didn’t like it but frankly I didn’t care.

So I’d made my way to the Blue Mountains, a reckless and dangerous journey for a lone female dwarf to take.

Well, not entirely alone, I was accompanied by my two axes.

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The Hustler

Based On:

“Ten silver says you can’t get one,” Kili offered as you stood with arms crossed, staring at the two gruff dwarves.

“Oh, you don’t think so?” You leaned on your left hip as you kept your eyes ahead.

“What are we betting on?” Bofur asked as he stepped up beside Kili and Fili who flanked you.

“Whether or not [y/n] can get an ax off of one of those two,” Kili gestured towards Dwalin and Thorin who sat silently on either side of the fire, “We told her, it’s hopeless.”

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I need to talk about Major Stoner Bilbo and his two Stoner friends Bofur and Ori who all get high as fuck, eat cupcakes, and do dramatic readings of bad romance novels. 

Enter Thorin, Nori, and Dwalin, who are serious hunks and Bilbo, Bofur, and Ori’s Friday nights now consist of them waxing slurred poetry about the hot business men who came into their regular cafe meeting spot.