In honour of #ladiesofhannibal week (and also of my one-year anniversary on tumblr a couple of weeks ago) I thought I would post some of the chapters from my long-running Alana Finds Out series that I’ve never put on tumblr before. The overarching theme is Alana figuring out she’d be much better off if she just washed that Hannigram right out of her hair, so it seems appropriate xD.
Alana hummed softly as she exited her car and climbed the stairs to
Hannibal’s office. It was going to be a good night: she was having
dinner with Hannibal at her favourite restaurant; she had managed to
extricate herself from work forty-five minutes early; and that meant
there was time for a quickie in Hannibal’s office before they went out.
Assuming he would go for that – he might want to preserve the sanctity
of his office, he could be irritatingly proper about such things.
She shrugged as she passed through the waiting room. It’ll be a great night, anyway. You just might have to exercise a little patience there, Bloom. Not easy, when your boyfriend looks like a damn Viking but she could keep it together. She was a grown woman.
did not stop her squeaking like a little girl at the sight that greeted
her when she opened the door to Hannibal’s office. Her boyfriend – her
buttoned-up, mannerly, very refined boyfriend – was on his knees on his
office floor, completely naked and very erect. Completely
naked, save for a pair of silver nipple clamps and what appeared to be a
leather dog collar round his neck. Completely naked and currently
giving a blow job to an equally naked and clearly blissed out Will
Graham, who held a riding crop in one hand and Hannibal’s hair in the
This was going to take a minute to process.
incidentally, in which Will had what was clearly an earth-shattering
orgasm, moaning Hannibal’s name as he finished. Hannibal who, Alana
noted, swallowed with every sign of enjoyment and then gazed up at Will
with an adoring expression Alana had never been privilege to.
“Fuck, that was amazing,” Will sighed, leaning down for a kiss.
At this point, Alana felt it was time to interject.
two men froze, lips still pressed together. They stayed like that for a
moment, then jumped apart, guilty expressions forming.
“Alana, you’re early,” Hannibal began weakly.
held up a hand to silence him. “No speaking. No speaking from either of
you just yet.” She placed a hand over her eyes for a moment and took a
deep breath. Then she turned to Will. “I thought you hated him.” He had
the grace not to attempt an explanation.
Alana looked back to Hannibal, still on his knees and oh, just fuck him still hard. “He accused you of being a serial killer. He tried to have you killed.”
looked at her, an odd mix of tenderness and – she couldn’t believe this
– pity on his face and said, meekly, “Love makes fools of us all.”
“Love?” spat Alana.
“Love?” asked Will.
“Yes, Will,” Hannibal regained his adoring expression. “Love.”
“Me too.” Will reached out a hand to him.
good grief,” Alana exploded. They turned, clearly having forgotten her
existence. “Ok, look, I’m very likely never going to speak to either of
you ever again, so just to assuage my conscience, this is consensual?”
They nodded. “Very,” Hannibal added.
Alana groaned. “Just yes or no answers, please. Will, are you going to try to kill him again, including via proxy?”
“No.” Hannibal looked like Will had just hung the moon for him.
Alana sighed. “Ok, and the last entry in this round of Things You Should Never Have to Ask Your Cheating Scumbag of a Boyfriend, do you have a safeword?”
They giggled – actually sodding giggled like a pair of fourteen-year-old girls – and Hannibal squeaked out, “Chilton.”
pulled himself together enough to shrug and explain, “Guaranteed to
kill the mood.” Then they were off again, clutching each other for
“Oh god.” Alana rolled her eyes and fled. Definitely better off out of that Bloom. Those two idiots deserve each other.
imagine sam and dean getting supplies at whatever department store. Imagine sam drifting to the pet supply area. Imagine him checking out each leather dog collars. The dark thick ones for big breeds. When Dean catches up with him he snorts and says “What are you looking at? We don’t have a dog” Sam smirks easily and casually says right there in the aisle with two other people, “Want to wear one while you fuck me” and Dean nearly drops whatever’s in his hands
first real post here…! inspired by my own tabletop hobby.
MM imagines + Tabletop Gaming Night
Yoosung -Dungeon Master
the one who started this mess
Has never DM’d before but by god is he going to do a Good Job. Has all the source-books and has read them back to front and back again. This boy can study, and he’s funneled all of his absurd potential into memorizing every aspect of Dungeons and Dragons.
He’s also decided to make this grand, sweeping, awesome story that’ll blow everyone away, inspired by all his favorite games and the fantasy novels he loves to read! It’s going to be so great!
He wants everyone to be SUPER COMFY so he sets up a table and pillows for people to sit on and he gets snacks and oh man uh what kind of snacks?? does everyone like to eat??
hey Seven hook me up with some Honey Buddha Chips my man, please, it’s for a good cause.
He gets one of those ridiculous folding screens so people can’t see his ~diabolical DM plans.~ It makes him feel really silly though so after a few games he drops it.
Tries to properly voice all the NPCs, but bless his soul he’s not very good at it.
He writes scripts and big long passages of dialogue to read to during conversations but it’s just so… stiff and stilted… and it seems like he’s going to collapse and give up after the first session because running a tabletop game is hard.
707 and Zen help him out a lot, and they start getting the banter going, help things flow naturally, and generally force everyone to have fun.
Zen - Bard
honestly wasn’t into it the idea until Yoosung told him that tabletop games are basically like acting a character but with other people.
Of COURSE he rolls a bard, of COURSE he has an 18 in Charisma, and of COURSE he has Disguise, Bluff, and every single social stat in the game.
In the ‘appearance’ section of the character sheet he elaborately describes every aspect of his incredibly, staggeringly handsome half-elf. He also gives him an incredibly tragic backstory, and he ends up filling out piles of ‘get to know your character’ questionnaires. He gives this all to Yoosung, who is understandably overwhelmed.
He always reminds Yoosung about how handsome he is and uses this to his advantage at every opportunity.
Despite being one of the least interested at the start, he’s the one who gets the most into Yoosung’s story. He finds the struggle of the seven sages trying to find the seven elemental crystals to save the world deeply compelling and bothers Yoosung for spoilers at every opportunity.
He gets really attached to NPCs, and Yoosung introduces a princess that Zen’s character ends up in a relationship with. It’s… actually surprisingly sweet and compelling roleplay? Though he’s weirded out by Yoosung portraying this princess at first, he gets into it. Zen always mentions that his character brings presents back to her, tells her stories about the world outside the castle, and stops flirting with other girls because of her.
Whenever his character sings songs in battle, Zen ACTUALLY sings - at least, until Jumin starts flicking pretzel sticks at him.
707 - Wizard
fact one: wizards start off pretty under-powered at first but get STUPIDLY GOOD later
fact two: magic is just a limitless supply of stupid funny bullshit
ok let’s GO
707 uses his telekinesis spell to tug at diplomat’s clothes during important meetings. he uses shocking grasp like a hand buzzer. he uses feather fall instead of taking the stairs and min maxes like crazy to be incredibly powerful.
He’s looking over his spells one day, and then he realizes two important pieces of information. 1.) he has a spell called Summon Creature that can conjure just about any large animal you can imagine. 2.) he has a spell that can teleport him over a mile in any direction. ANY direction. 3.) he has a spell that will slow him down and allow him to safely fall from any height.
After pausing a moment to contemplate his genius, 707 calculates the terminal velocity of a blue whale.
He presents his math to Yoosung when the group is trying to figure out how to take out an enemy base. If he teleported himself a mile into the air, summoned a blue whale, and then let it drop on the base, it would strike the ground with a force equivalent to a MOAB.
Yoosung is crying at this point. There was a boss battle in there. He’d planned complex encounters with clever mechaniCS AND SEVEN DROPS A FUCKING WHALE ON IT
Immediately after that the gods curse Seven and take away his ability to summon creatures. Seven is okay with that. He did it.
There’ll always be some new trick to pull.
Only vaguely interested in this “commoner” game. He’s the one that buys all the dice for the group.
he picks sorcerer because they’re ~special~ magic users who get their powers based on their blood. also, they function off of charisma.
His familiar is a cat. (Of course it’s a cat.)
He chose to be an elf. (Of course he’s an elf.)
Jumin is honestly only doing this because V really, really wanted to play, and V’s having a lot of trouble seeing so Jumin wanted to be there for him and give him confidence.
After acquiring some gold, Jumin realizes just how many cats he can buy with 50 gold, and It Begins.
Jumin buys cats.
Jumin buys lots of cats.
Jumin starts investing in cat businesses and, because of his absurd charisma stat and magical abilities, he actually rolls high enough to make them work.
he spends so much time drafting up proposals to implement various cat projects and telling yoosung exactly what he’s doing in-between sessions that, before long, he has an extensive cat empire that is actually?? bringing him profit?
Only in a fantasy world can Jumin live out his dream.
he doesn’t stop with cats. He invests in farms, he invests in livestock, he reinvests that money into other businesses. jumin’s character becomes terrifyingly wealthy and there’s nothing Yoosung can do.
jumin rolls a natural 20 on a bluff roll and convinces an entire town that a cat is suitable for being the mayor.
he starts a cat cult, which blossoms into a full-on cat religion.
jumin han - with his alarming amount of capital and disgustingly powerful magic - destroys the entire economy and brings about a societal collapse which culminates in him becoming king.
Jaehee - Monk
none of these losers have actually rolled a melee class, okay, let’s be a monk. She likes Tae Kwon Do. She appreciates the work ethic of the class. Let’s Do This.
Jaehee puts in about as much reading the rules as Yoosung does, which means she is an absolute expert.
She reads forums, she does research, and she stumbles upon an interesting fact about the rule-set they’re using - with the right buffs from Zen, merits, and items, she can do upwards of 20 damage in one hit, and she gains an ability that gives her progressively more hits in a single turn.
Jaehee adjusts her glasses.
Jaehee is ready to play.
She doesn’t talk a lot during dialogue scenes and doesn’t really understand how to act out her character, but she’s the eternal voice of reason for everyone.
please don’t blow that up, saeyoung
please don’t kill that man, saeran
please, jumin, no more cats
No one listens. poor Jaehee.
For a long time, no one really notices how OP Jaehee is. Everyone else is taking up the spotlight with their bullshit, and Jaehee never feels the need to use all the items she’s stockpiled up.
One encounter, though, everyone’s been knocked out, tied up, or otherwise eliminated. It’s just Jaehee and the boss, and everyone is miserable, except Yoosung who is happy he FINALLY knocked this ungodly party down a peg. People are telling Jaehee to run, telling her to go get help…
Jaehee rolls up her sleeves.
Jaehee tells Yoosung what items she uses.
Jaehee asks Zen to buff her up and start singing for her…
Jaehee rolls to attack, lands a critical hit, and punches the boss so hard that it’s been taken from about 75% health to less than zero.
Everyone stares. Yoosung throws up his hands in the air. Jaehee smiles softly and leans back in her chair.
Jaehee has made One Punch Man.
Saeran - Barbarian
He thinks this is all really, really stupid, and continually asks “can I kill this guy”, “can I burn this building down”, and “I don’t want to help them, let’s just leave.”
He’s That Guy who always tries to kill his teammates and take the nice items. Unfortunately, he’s super under-powered compared to everyone else because he didn’t really read the rules, so Seven keeps having to save him from getting killed.
At some point, his character - a huge, burly, viking man - ends up getting a dog during a quest.
Yoosung takes special care to describe how much this dog loves Saeran’s viking man. How his tail wags, how he licks his character’s hand, how he sleeps outside his tent and guards it…
There’s no reaction for awhile, but during an ambush, a bandit tries to attack Saeran’s dog.
Saeran’s character goes rage mode and is the most useful he’s been all campaign.
In the town after that, he mentions getting his dog a ‘cool leather collar’ so nobody steals him or anything.
Under his possessions, Saeran writes, ‘1x Dog - Cloud’.
No one ever mentions it, but that Christmas, Saeyoung gets his brother a stuffed toy dog with a dog tag that says ‘Cloud’.
V - Cleric
Spent a long time workingwith Yoosung about his character, his backstory, and the god his character follows.
Every time they’re in town, V’s character spends his time helping the poor.
V just wants to heal people. He always immediately tries to treat the party’s injuries after combat, and he’s always worrying after everyone’s characters.
When Zen’s character has a fight with the princess, V’s character is there to comfort him.
Jumin helps him with his character sheet at first, but after a few sessions V’s got a pretty good handle on dealing with it. The game becomes a lot more descriptive because V needs it to be able to picture the map, and it ends up getting everyone into it a lot more.
Yoosung gets really into describing the environment - the sights, the sounds, what the enemies look like and the rooms that people go into - and even starts setting up playlists of atmospheric music to get everyone into the mood. It starts actually turning genuinely cool from a story perspective, even though everyone’s character is stupid and ridiculous and Zen and Jumin keep fighting over cats.
V always mediates these fights.
All the NPC children in the villages they visit love seeing V’s character, who’s craft is making toys.
707′s character gets in on this, and they start a toy business on the side.
V really likes roleplaying, and he does it with Zen a lot.
V’s character ends up adopting an orphan girl whose village gets destroyed by orcs.
Vanderwood - Rogue
Always slipping notes to Yoosung about the secret stuff they’re doing on the side… and they’re ALWAYS doing secret stuff on the side.
They team up with Seven a lot to do really stupid, ridiculous bullshit, but they also spend just as much time undermining his character for shits and giggles.
Their character is always sassing the situation and providing witty commentary and banter - so basically they’re just roleplaying themselves. Yoosung never calls them on it, though.
Yoosung never seems to call them on anything, really? They don’t really need it. They seem to behave, don’t do anything SUPER absurd, and generally obey the rules of the game. Most of the time, they stay on track and actually herd people into doing the mission…?
People kind of forget Vanderwood is there a lot of the time, because they’re so caught up in all of the other squabbling.
Vanderwood is still passing notes to Yoosung.
After a few months, things seem to be wrapping up with the campaign. The big bad is right where the party wants him. The princess Zen’s character is in love with is about to use her special power in combination with the Rainbow Crystal to seal him away forever. It seems like a happily ever after is just around the corner, and Zen is already planning his character’s wedding when…
Vanderwood: My character steps out of the shadows, picks up the princess, and uses a teleport scroll to escape.
Everyone is stunned. What are you doing, Vanderwood? What the hell? We need the crystal to defeat the bad guy! Without it, he’s invincible!
Vanderwood, you’re joking, right?
They just steeple their hands and grin. Just. Grin. And Yoosung is grinning too, and just. Just giggling about it.
Jumin realizes it first.
Vanderwood has been in cahoots with Yoosung the entire time. Their character is actually the final boss, they just betrayed the entire party, and there’s an actual possibility of a total party wipe because the current boss they’re facing is now invincible without the special rainbow gem they spend the entire game making.
SCREW YOU GUYS, YOOSUNG IS FINALLY GETTING BACK AT Y’ALL FOR ALL OF YOUR BULLSHIT.
Summary: All Namjoon knows is that he’s a fighter, all his life turns around blood and death, but as atrocious as it is he can’t bring himself to feel anything. He kills and he earns, without knowing what he truly is, the only thing that brings him peace is the woods and the books he devours in his hunger for knowledge, but then he meets you, a little fairy that claims to know too many things and who makes Namjoon feel for the first time.
The weight of the sword and shield was nothing for Namjoon, he moved around the pit with the ease of an eagle in the sky, his feet did a sharp turn that made his adversary miss the perfect lunge he had for his heart, the fighter groaned and the crowd went wild at his anger. Hundreds of people gathered every end of the week to see the fights at the pits, a coliseum filled with people hungry for blood spill, the excitement of fights, but above all the exhilaration of the killings.
His sword was made especially for him, deadly steel of the best quality as his many benefactors gave him everything he could possibly need to win a match. He had been given shields, spears, cloaks and all kind of swords and armors. But out of all Namjoon’s assets his sword wasn’t the main cause of his wins.
His adversary was tough, like a rabid dog of two meters of height, he was covered in hair and sweat, attacking him relentlessly. Namjoon had heard about him before, he got no strategy but that was compensated by brutal force and his erratic behavior, he was ruthless. Namjoon dodged him again making the other fighter even more furious, so he took that chance and struck him in the right thigh, the man screamed when he felt the cut, immediately charging at Namjoon. The guy hit Namjoon in the head with his own, making him stumble back for a second.
The crowd roared at the turn of events, and the adversary took the little gap in Namjoon’s attention to give him a blow on the arm that held the shield. Namjoon’s hold didn’t budge, but for the show’s sake he let his shield fall as if the rabid dog had made him do so, there was another loud wave of screams that only made the rabid dog bolder in his actions, lunging at Namjoon once again, this time achieving on slicing the skin of his left thigh, the rabid dog took the chance of his proximity and Namjoon’s passiveness to take out a hidden dagger. It wasn’t a fair move as each fighter was allowed only one weapon, but Namjoon didn’t react on time and the rabid dog pierced the leather of his vest, biting the skin as the dagger was buried in his chest. The audience grew silent after that, the dagger was still on Namjoon’s chest too close to his heart for him to not fall, the rabid dog smiled in triumph. It was a wound that would have made any fighter scream in pain, it would have made any fighter bleed harshly letting the attacker have the control of the fight. But Namjoon was not any fighter.
You woke with a start as a loud crackle of lightning exploded outside, thunder sounded next. You sat in your bed with your hand over your heart, your chest heaved in desperation to get more air in your lungs. You hid under the blankets and pressed your palms to your ears in hopes to block it all out and just go back to sleep.
Having a fear of thunderstorms made you feel like a child, it was a child’s fear wasn’t it? Just like the boogeyman and monsters under the bed. Then again you couldn’t really help the fear that coursed through your veins, you thought about when you first obtained your fear:
It was years ago, your car had broken down on a backroad where phone service convinently died as well. A sign told you the nearest town was a quarter mile ahead so you decided to walk there to find some help or some gas. While you walked it had begun to rain which didn’t bother you, however when the sky began to rumble and sparks of electricity hit the ground in various powerful places you panicked. You ran back to your car and hid inside.
Another boom of thunder shook the world around you and you screamed, but you knew no one would hear you. The flimsy alarm clock at yor bedside told you it was a little past two in the morning. You were confident your scream couldn’t even wake the dead. After the fourth crackle of lighting you decided enough is enough.
You wrapped your blanket around yourself and ventured down the labrinth of a base, a base you called home and knew like the back of your hand. You knew half way through your journey that he’d probably be upset with you for waking him over such a childish matter. While you hadn’t been a member of Overwatch long, a little over a year, it didn’t take long for you to have a crush. That crush? An “old dog” in a leather jacket and visor, Solider 76.
The old solider was your commanding officer, he’d trained you for missions alongside agents McCree and Hanzo. You and Hanzo had gotten along because you both used a bow and arrow, only yours was painted to look wooden. During your training and even during your first mission the old dog’s eyes watched you ever so often, and you couldn’t tell if he was impressed or disappointed if your life depended on it.
He avoided you for two months after that, purposely put you on missions without him, and even did a 360 whenever you crossed his path. Anxiety nipped at you so you found him in the training range in the at the wee hours of the morning when no one else was awake, and you talked. You’d asked why he was avoiding you and what you’d done wrong. Come to find out, you were both crushing on each other like a couple of highschool kids. Then Solider 76 talked about protocol and how you deserved someone better than some washed up war dog.
You damn near gave the man a heart attack when you wrapped your arms around him and told him how you felt. That night - or morning since it was 3:00am was when your relationship blossomed. You kept it quiet, no one knew or suspected. As hard as it was not to watch him with a fond smile you both drew the line between business and pleasure.
True you’d only been dating for a few months you didn’t think he would turn you away, right? Well you were standing at his door trembling, so only one way to find out. You knocked on the door once, twice, three times. Your body shook worse than a leaf in the winter, tears brimmed in your eyes. You shut them and covered your ears muttering that it was just a storm and it would pass.
You didn’t hear the door open but you nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt rough hands on your cheeks, thumbs chasing away your tears. Solider 76 wore his visor, a fitted black shirt and grey sweats. He saw how frazzled you were and slowly brought you into his room. He sat you on the bed and knelt in front of you, his head tilted.
“What’s the problem (Y/L)?” His voice was gruff but there was a gentle undertone.
“I-its going t-to get me.” You explained, shuttering at the thunder.
He quirked a brow and listened, “The Thunder? Come on (Y/L) don’t tell me you’re really scared of-”
His eyes widened beneath the visor when you started balling. You weren’t even crying at the storm anymore but at the fact that you felt like an idiot here, on your commanders bed, CRYING over something as trivial as a storm. You apologized for disturbing his sleep and walked towards the door, however he managed to lock a hand around your shoulder before you could get far. He gently turned you around, looked you over a few times, and saw that you were genuinely afraid. That every time it rumbled or crackled outside you jumped or whimpered and covered your ears.
“C'mere and stable up.” He took your hand and led you back to the bed. He laid you down and got you an extra blanket. Solider 76 pulled a chair to the bedside and sat down, he took your hand when you reached for it. His thumb drew circles on your hand,
“It’s alright sweetheart, take deep breaths for me.”
“Would…w-would you lay with me?”
The old solider stiffened at the question and an awkward silence set in, you shifted and apologized, and even let go of his hand. After another moment of silence he got up, walked to a table where his pulse rifle lay, and reached for his face. You’d never seen solider without his mask before, you’d caught a brief glimpse of it once but not enough to be able to pick his face in a line up.
He crawled onto the bed, careful to use the darkness of the room to his advantage. The minute the mattress sank with his added weight you were on him like white on rice, your arms wrapped around him and your head buried in his chest.
You both laid in silence, holding each other. Then 76 asked why you were so afraid and you told him the story. You told him about the car, even about how you’d been tazed once and the sky was your equivalent to a giant tazer. He chuckled at that and pressed his lips to your forehead when you jumped again. Silence set in until he decided to share his fear with you: failure. He feared he’d fail Overwatch like he did in the past. He didn’t give explicit details on his past, only that he’d worked with Overwatch many years ago and had failed to keep his promise to them.
You both talked, cuddled, and kissed until sleep claimed you.
Horned Serpent: ASTRONOMY WOOT WOOT; conspiracy theories; couldn’t be impulsive to save their lives; gets anxiety remedies from Pukwudgies; aren’t capable of sugar coating; overthinking everything; robotics; can never calm their minds; lego building; stress balls; abstract paintings; finding meaning in everything; not always present in conversations; bubble wrap; sweaters; twiddling thumbs; old converse; the smell of sharpies
Wampus: TWISTER CHAMPS 2016; says “fight me” to inanimate objects; perfume; marker boards in the common room; has a secret house dog; leather jackets; dinosaurs because they kick butt; can’t always explain their reasoning for things; drowns waffles & pancakes in syrup; body glitter; pretty rocks; callused hands; they know that sometimes what’s right is against the rules; sunglasses indoors; specially made Pukwudgie energy drinks
Thunderbird: “YOLO” *they say as they go in for another cookie*; boots; daydreaming always; waterfalls; collecting little lost things they find outside; impulsive to a fault; follows instinct over anything else; flannels; messages on steamed mirrors; neon lights; nervous talkers; stickers; shiny things; act first, think later; no-maj video games in the common room; blushing all the time; nail polish; long socks; tree houses; swimming; the thrill of making memories
Pukwudgie: BIRD WATCHING CLUB; flower crowns; extensive knowledge of fun facts; honeysuckles; feminism; sandals; jean jackets; focusing on expelling stress; follows what they know in their heart is right; heart over mind; 70’s rock music; pastels; painted nails; the best advice givers; have a hard time following their own advice; knitting just because; what comes around goes around(they know that from experience); don’t need anyone’s approval, but makes everyone feel like they are listened to; loyal to a fault; the best friends you could ask for