how can i get vagued by plebcomix asking for a friend
1. message her telling her you’re really sorry about all the hate she’s getting over tumblr user genderists and tell her she doesn’t deserve it
2. have an earnest and loving conversation with her in which she pours out her fears & insecurities
3. start talking to her on a regular basis
4. admit one day, after many months, that you think you have feelings for her.
5. arrange to meet her irl. tell her you feel a connection with her that you’ve never felt with anyone else. kiss her on a ferris wheel and buy her ice cream.
6. after a year or so, move in with her.
7. one day, take her on a date to the beach. as you walk by the surf hand-in-hand, the fading sunlight bleeding pink and red where the water meets the sky, lower down onto one knee in the sand. tell her she’s always been the one for you, that there’s no one else like her, that she makes you laugh and cry and think. take out the ring box you had been keeping in your pocket and open it. the ring is silver with a sapphire stone– tell her the blue matches her eyes, and that you know she hates the diamond industry. plebcomics, you say, will you marry me? as she weeps and says yes over and over again, slip the ring onto her finger and kiss her hand tenderly.
8. buy a house and adopt a dog together. live in marital bliss. make her eggs benedict on sunday mornings because it’s her favorite. go on hikes with her; make a pact to visit every national park together before you die. laugh together when she teaches the dog to play dead whenever she says “bang” and points her finger like a gun. braid her hair for her every evening while you talk about your days. tend your garden together and bring in fresh, sweet tomatoes to make salads and tomato soup with.
9. tell her you want a divorce. that you’ve never loved her, you never have. turn your back on her while she cries.
10. chuckle quietly to yourself when a twelve-page comic is published on her blog a week later about the fucking sjws always breaking her heart and making her think she was worthy of another person’s love and care and tenderness and lying through their teeth for so many years and oh god vanessa why did you have to do make her think you loved her? she sits alone on the sofa, a shell of the woman she once was.
I just wanted to give an update that I am doing great! As you can see, I am quite the happy boy. Of course I still have problems once in a while with my IBS, but it is kept much more under control than it once was and I rarely have tummy aches anymore! :)
This is my “play dead” trick - now known as “play silly”!
If you wish to see me more frequently, please follow @CrevanNight on Instagram.
hcs: mike knows all the little hole in the wall gems of derry and knows a great little vegan enchilada place. he’s tried all his life to teach his dog how to play dead, but eddie teaches him in one day. mike borrows eddie’s clothes more than eddie borrows his and everything looks like a crop top on him. lots of piggy back rides for eddie from his farm boy
the ship we needed but didn’t deserve wOW and they’d go to the forest all the time and pick flowers for each other aww