dog leap

Today, I fucked up... by not putting the toilet seat down

My dog loves nothing more than sitting on the toilet seat when I’m taking the shower. The other day though I was having some stomach problems and the world was coming out of my ass. As I sat on the commode almost in tears praying for it to be over, I can hear my dog scratching to get in. I lean over to crack the door not only to let him in, but to let some of the nasty smell out.

When I’m finish I reach for toilet paper and find there ain’t none. With a tear in my eye I stand on up, feeling at least 10lbs lighter, and penguin walk across the room to grab some. Next thing I hear is my dumb dog leaping into the toilet and falling down the bowl.

Everything goes slow motion. My Beagle cross is covered in my feces, he’s freaking out ‘cause he done gone wet and stinks. He leaps outta the commode and hightails it outta the room and runs to my sister’s bedroom across the hall.

Now y'all seen dogs when they get wet right? They be shaking and rubbing themselves all on the carpet and up the wall. I hear my sisters hollering and screaming 'cause my dog is spreading my muck all over their sheets, shaking it on their clothes and none of them wanna touch him 'cause he’s filthy. They can only sit back and watch in horror as he ruins everything and tries to leap up at them. You see, my dog is a big old marshmallow and loves to jump up on people.

I’m standing in the bathroom with my junk still out, still needing to wipe, and all the while thinking it might be worth locking the door and climbing out the window to freedom instead of facing my sisters wraths.

TL;DR Beagle cross leaped into the toilet, got covered in my diarrhea, smeared it all around the house, my six sisters gave me hell.

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Overtoun Bridge is located in West Dunbartonshire, Scotland; it is known for the bizarre phenomenon of dogs leaping to their deaths from it. The bridge has also been the scene for human tragedy. In October of 1994, Kevin Moy threw his two-week-old son to his death from the bridge. The reason? He believed his son to be an incarnation of Satan. Kevin then threw himself off the bridge but survived.

Me: *Is allergic to dogs*

Me: *lives in an apartment where I can’t have dogs*

Me: *doesn’t have the resources to take care of a pet*

Me: *lives with a “non dog person”*

Me: *sees a picture of a dog on the internet*

Me: I will adopt this precious creature, feed her the finest cuts of meat, train her with patience and gentle encouragement and see that she wants for nothing, she will possess the strength of a tiger but be gentle as a lamb, but if I am ever accosted on the road by brigands my precious dog will leap upon them and tear out their coward throats. 

TIFU By not putting the toilet seat down [NSFW]

My dog loves nothing more than sitting on the toilet seat when I’m taking the shower. The other day though I was having some stomach problems and the world was coming out of my ass. As I sat on the commode almost in tears praying for it to be over, I can hear my dog scratching to get in. I lean over to crack the door not only to let him in, but to let some of the nasty smell out.

When I’m finish I reach for toilet paper and find there ain’t none. With a tear in my eye I stand on up, feeling at least 10lbs lighter, and penguin walk across the room to grab some. Next thing I hear is my dumb dog leaping into the toilet and falling down the bowl. Everything goes slow motion. My Beagle cross is covered in my feces, he’s freaking out ‘cause he done gone wet and stinks. He leaps outta the commode and hightails it outta the room and runs to my sister’s bedroom across the hall.

Now y'all seen dogs when they get wet right? They be shaking and rubbing themselves all on the carpet and up the wall. I hear my sisters hollering and screaming 'cause my dog is spreading my muck all over their sheets, shaking it on their clothes and none of them wanna touch him 'cause he’s filthy. They can only sit back and watch in horror as he ruins everything and tries to leap up at them. You see, my dog is a big old marshmallow and loves to jump up on people.

I’m standing in the bathroom with my junk still out, still needing to wipe, and all the while thinking it might be worth locking the door and climbing out the window to freedom instead of facing my sisters wraths.

TL;DR Beagle cross leaped into the toilet, got covered in my diarrhea, smeared it all around the house, my six sisters gave me hell.

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Leaping labs.

soldier boy, tripping over himself to win my praise

by  thissupposedcrime

Read it here

Yuri cannot crater down the path Victor blazed, happily forsaking Russia and his career for an international love affair. Neither will Kazakhstan’s favorite son.

Or Yuri and Otabek from 2016-2026 and the competitions, weddings, and longing that define them.

Summer, 2018:
“You’re a dog person,” Yuri discovers, his proclamation stealing everything beautiful from the world. The dog leaps at him, tongue slobbering all over his face as they crash to the floor.

“I told you at the Grand Prix. I send you pictures on that app,” Otabek’s voice sounds faint, and Yuri can’t tell if merciful death is coming behind the cloud of fur or if Otabek had the gall to walk away from him while his stupid dog crushes Yuri’s internal organs

“How?” Yuri screeches, meaning an accusatory ‘How could you betray me like this? You were my savior. I adored you.’

Otabek ignores his subtext with ease.

Words: 30707, Chapter: 5/10 , Language: English

Fandom:  Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)  

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Characters: Otabek Altin, Yuri Plisetsky, Mila Babicheva, Viktor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri, Lilia Baranovskaya

Relationship(s): Otabek Altin/Yuri PlisetskyKatsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov