dog in washing machine

Day Fifty-Nine

-As a part of my paying job that I am hired to do, I had to drive a motorized cart across the front end of the store. I passed the guests, nodding solemnly to my subjects from my throne, puttering along at a reasonable pace. I have never felt more regal, until I crashed the cart into a wall and had to walk away through a crowd.

-An old woman approached my register, asking, “Are you available?” Unfortunately, I am not, as I have been in a committed relationship for over a year and a half, but I will take your interest as a compliment.

-Under my red sweater I had my pug-print button-up. An elderly woman noticed it and, in response, slowly pumped her small fist in the air and shouted “love them pugs!” This is precisely the reaction I was hoping for when I put it on today.

-A woman approached me while on a phone call. I braced myself to be ignored for the duration of the transaction, but instead, as soon as she reached me, she dropped her phone mid-sentence and greeted my pleasantly. It is nice to be prioritized like this.

-A woman in her sixties purchased half a dozen instruments from our dollar aisle. I look forward to supporting her Indiegogo campaign and purchasing her EP as soon as it is released. 

-I overheard one guest tell another, “If you want to get back at someone, give them your recycling.” The other replied, assuring her of how ingenious an idea that was. It was not, but it warms my heart to see young women supporting each other on the long road to super-villainy. 

-An enormous bug, the likes of which I am unfamiliar with, appeared on my hand in the middle of a transaction, crawling around lightly. I do not know where he came from. I do not know what his plans were. All I know is how loudly I yelped and how far backwards I jumped. 

-I stuck my tongue out at a baby. The baby began to scream and cry. I am a monster and I will never forgive myself.

-A man told me about the dog washing vending machine he was on his way to make use of. I wish I had been able to accompany him. There is nothing more in this world I would rather see.

-As a couple entered the store, a man told the woman, “Welcome to Canada.” I refuse to be the one to tell them how lost they are, but I hope they find out before January 20, 2017, for the sake of their well-being.

-I was brought a sangrita frappuccino sample. I had no idea what to expect, but what my mouth was met with was a fantastically fruity delight and I want another batch of samples poured into a venti cup and delivered to me as soon as possible.

-A girl produced a box of Goldfish, asking her mother if they could get them. Upon being told no, she replaced it on the shelf behind her. When I went to put it back in its proper place, I found that there were no other Goldfish in sight. I do not know how this girl made them appear out of the blue, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from history about people who can make fish show up out of the blue, her mother could have saved a lot of money on the wine she was purchasing.

-An older man froze in the middle of payment, staring off into space. After a moment he seemed to return to his body, apologizing and telling me that he was waiting for the woman to tell him what to do. I looked around and confirmed what I had already thought: there were no women in the area whatsoever. Slowly the portrait of the store’s ghost becomes clearer and clearer.

-I informed a woman that she would not be able to sign with the card reader’s pen, but could use a finger or have me print off a paper copy. In turn, the woman asked if she could use the pen. I told her that it was not working, but that she could use her finger or an ink pen. She then asked me if she could use the card reader’s pen. I understand her.

-As I was walking to clock out for the night, I passed a young girl walking with her mother, her hair pulled entirely in front of her face. After a moment’s reflection, I turned to get a second look. The girl’s hair had not been in front of her face, but rather, she was insistently and impressively flawlessly walking backwards, visibly proud of herself to an extent I hope to one day attain myself.

-On my way out of the store, the man in front of me found himself trapped, as the outer motion detector doors had not opened for him. He turned around, threw out his arms, and announced to the store, “Guess they don’t want to let me the hell out of here!” I stepped around him and exited the store, leaving him dumbstruck in the same position, a solid ten feet away from the door, entirely out of the detector range.

So far, my regular trips to the laundromat have resulted in witnessing strange things:

-Some kid came in, sat down at a table and just pulled out homework. No one was with her and she wasn’t washing laundry

-Some guy dancing in the parking lot, waving his arms. He came in 4 minutes later, asked me to show him the nearest sink, washed his hands and went back to dancing.

-Lady lifting weights while waiting on her clothes

-This one couple comes in a lot to wash very muddy dog beds???? (Also kinda inconsiderate considering the machines are PUBLIC)

-This one lady was washing some quilts but then she pulled out a plastic bag and just started shelling beans

-To be continued hopefully

metalbutter  asked:

regan: 1 and 19

1) Who spends all their money on the other?
Oh Negan. For sure. Anything Rick so much looks at he gets.
If we’re talking AU, Negan is defo Ricks sugar daddy.
“You want that suit?”
“Negan I was just looking”
“You’re getting it now”
*Negan buys several suits, a dog, a washing machine, some oranges and a ring because Rick looked at them for longer than three seconds*

19) How good are your OTP at parenting? Very good. Like… Rick wasn’t prepared for Negan to be so good with Judith and yet? He loves her. To pieces. Carl’s a different story but he gets bribed with a lot of comics + anything he wants tbh Negan just wants Ricks kids to love him

the omgcp boys as things my best friend has said:
  • Bitty: They called me the pre-school mom, even though I was only four years old.
  • Jack: If you want to have a cool drink, just stick me into the cup.
  • Shitty: Whenever you think life can´t get worse, there´s a cow-swarm coming towards you.
  • Ransom: *Hits Holster with a paper bag from Starbucks* MUFFINSLAP!
  • Holster: Do you wanna eat the crumps from my lap, too?
  • Lardo: If I was a guy, I´d have a boner by now *ten minutes later* Fuck it, I´m just gonna grow a penis so I can have one! *twenty minutes later* God damn it, I was so excited about my new penis!
  • Dex: That dog is really cute...the washing machine, too.
  • Nursey: You know what I´m gonna do, someday? I´ll go to someone and say hey, nice shirt and then they´ll say thanks and then I´ll say no I´m talking about my own one.
  • Chowder: I´ve just googled if cats are able to drive trains.
  • Tango: If I were you, I too would be glad to be my friend.
  • Whiskey: I´m the alpha-child!
  • bonus Kent: Well, I ate the bags and Kit the cream.
  • bonus Tater: Stanislav is the Bossislav... huh good election statement!
I should write an essay or something, but I’m writing poetry for my secret tumblr no one looks at

For one last time

I held him in my dreams.

He nestled his head on my neck and his heaviness melted into my arms.

I fell asleep thinking about you holding me,

but woke up to my dog spinning around in a washing machine.

He was just chillin’.

Then he was on my chest,

his fur the whitest and purest I’ve ever seen.

Those small wise eyes looked up at me.

“Take me outside.” 

I set him down and he ran.

The tall grass parted for him as he galloped forward.

Often he looked back at me, smiling.

When I needed you most you were here

even if only in my mind’s eye.

You are always here.

Whenever I walk into the house, I feel your unseen presence

full of love and life.


After my extensive vacuuming session today I collected dog toys and washed them in the washing machine. Then I dried them in the dryer. Sort of a whirlpool and sauna for stuffed animals.

Littlerunnergurl spends money to show love for her dogs, buying them baubles and trinkets. Ooooh, a purple collar!!!!  I demonstrate my canine love in more personal, meaningful ways like making sure my dogs have clean toys. Oh and fresh water too. Always with the fresh water.

I also use bio-degradable poop bags because my dogs love the Earth almost as much as they love me.

The two nose-less brown bears and the big black bat are now Downy-fresh. Just look at those tennis balls! They are as hi-viz as the day they were made. You could hold one in each hand and safely run after dusk.

Carson and Ella were impressed!

a guy who looks like n52 bruce wayne has come to fix my washing machine and he likes my dog i feel i need to propose the idea of marriage or at least crime fighting