dog bridges

“I do yoga at the senior center. But it’s not advanced enough for me. I can do the cat, the dog, the bridge, the snake… all of it. My class is filled with younger people in their sixties and seventies. They are always complaining: ‘My hip! My diabetes!’ But you’ll never hear a word out of me.”

(Medellín, Colombia)

Your ears smelled like cookies.

You could sense when visitors were wary of you.  Your response was “a 75 pound greyhound in your lap will change your mind.” It did.

You could sit and lay on command; but refused to learn in Japanese…because commands in one language were ENOUGH.

You assumed that if you did something against the rules VERY SLOWLY you were invisible; and would get away with it.

You demanded to be the little spoon.

You assumed prolific face kisses were the normal human greeting behavior.

You could hear when someone opened a bag of bread from several blocks away.

You only ever barked at one particular DHL bro.

You loved having your teeth brushed.  When the toothbrush came out of the drawer you would bound to the couch, sit straight up, and start pre-emptive licking.

You knew you weren’t allowed to poop on the sidewalk; so you would pretend you were about to pee on something, then surprise poop.

I wish I would have taken you more places.

I wish I would have kicked you out of the bed less.

I wish I would have brushed your teeth more often.

I wish I had walked you every day.

I wish I had always let you poop on the sidewalk.

I wish I had blown more raspberries on your tummy.

I wish I had made you more Kongs.

I wish I had let you run more.

I wish I had noticed your limp wasn’t from your grass allergies earlier.

I wish we had more time.

Tensoon~ ご冥福をお祈りします

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she really means: Give us the dog or I'll kill her. Give us the her or we'll throw the dog off the bridge. What?! I'm bluffing but if he does, throw the dog off the bridge. Why did you attack us?! We didn't! How do you know who we are?! We don't! Where's the kitten?! What kitten?! Who's that woman?! You don't know her?! Do you?! Why did you burn my house down?! I burnt your house down?! Where's Lydia?! She's not here! Bring me the dog! Why do you want it?! Why did you take it?! We don't know! Why did you kill Patrick Spring?! We didn't! Did you?!

i gave the leads to poor @calliefield and the dogs rebelled

Story time

Went to get afternoon drinks with some grad school compatriots and when approaching the bar, one of the other patrons looked at Deacon and said to his (I’m assuming) wife: “we need to get a vest like that for Cooper so he can go everywhere with us.”
Me: “Actually, my dog is a service animal. He’s not just a pet with a vest on.”
Man: “but you don’t look disabled”
Me: “…what does a disabled person look like, exactly?”
Man’s wife: “Jesus, Charles. Stop talking. This is why the Olsens won’t play bridge with us anymore.”