the signs as fake quotes my weird cousin has attributed to famous authors
aries: as oscar Wilde once famously said, ‘fuck men’
taurus: i believe it was percy shelley who wrote ‘why cry over spilled milk when instead u could cry over everything’
gemini: you can lead a horse to water, but u can’t make the horse drink that fucking water if it wants vodka instead. sun tzu said that.
cancer: y’know, steinbeck once screamed ‘death to capitalism’ while setting himself on fire, and i couldn’t agree more.
leo: i was trying to think of a hemingway quote, but thankfully i just remembered that i don’t give a shit about hemingway
virgo: Flintstone vitamins are for losers. William shakespeare.
libra: did you know that that nicki minaj took the lyrics “i beez in the trap” straight from jane austen’s iconic 1813 novel pride and Prejudice?
scorpio: maya angelou actually invented the acronym NSFW, did u know that? 'Not Safe From Whites’. they’re coming
sagittarius: the most inspirational thing walt whitman ever said was ‘dance like nobody’s watching’ that man was a poet
capricorn: ‘be there or be…gay! lol jk don’t be gay’ ~ the bible, chapter 5 verse 17
aquarius: honey, as Faulkner said once, ‘eat shit mark twain’. words to live by
pisces: nietzsche once said that dante was a ‘hyena that wrote poetry on tombs’ and i’m not making that shit up because nothing is funnier than that