In which I seduce the villain of a side quest
Context: So this is the same Mae Gjallarfjall who seduced the pirate captain on the first game. In a later session, we have arrived at the capital of Fountland, which will serve as our base of operations for most of the campaign. The party decided to run some sidequests to make some cash and possibly find some loot. So we pick two bounties that are the opposite of each other. One is a dude who wants help fighting off an army of 5000 people, and the other is the army of 5000 looking for more help. Our way of completing both was… unusual.
DM: So, you guys arrive at the camp of five thousand men. One of them turns to you guys and asks “Who the fuck are you?”
Me (OOC): I pull out the job poster and tell him I’m looking for his leader.
DM: He points you the right way and wishes you luck.
Me (OOC): We continue on to the tent and I walk in without announcing myself.
DM: You find Meb in her tent, barely clothed and sitting on a throne made of men. She looks at you as you approach.
Me (OOC): I roll Persuasion to sway my hips seductively as I continue forward. *rolls +2 and ties Meb’s Initiative check*
DM: She raises an eyebrow at you and smiles. She greets you and demands that you state your business.
Me: *holding up her Help Wanted poster* I came to see about your job offer. You have five thousand men at your disposal against a single enemy, and yet you cannot best him? Why?
DM (as Meb): Ah, yes, I and my… rival, shall we say, have a contract in place. I’m only allowed to send one soldier per day.
Me: And for what ends?
DM (as Meb): To steal a cow.
Me: What’s so special about this cow? Can’t you just buy it from him? If you have the money for an army, surely you can buy a cow.
DM (as Meb): It’s a really nice cow. And he won’t sell it to me.
Me: Well, if you haven’t already sent your soldier for the day, I’ll go next and end this whole feud.
DM (as Meb): I like the sound of that. For now, find yourself a tent and rest up for the night. He’s tougher than you may think.
The rest of the party salutes and turns to leave.
Me (OOC): As I turn and walk out, I roll Persuasion again to sway my hips. *Rolls +3 and successfully seduces Meb*
DM (as Meb): Except you. *pointing at me* You stay. You’ve caught my eye… What’s your name, hun?
Me: Name’s Mae Gjallarfjall. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
DM (as Meb): Oh, we’re going to be far more than mere “acquaintances.“ (OOC): Roll Initiative.
Me (OOC): *critfail*
DM to me: You fail to notice her grab a whip from her throne as she steps towards you.
The rest of the party, meanwhile, comes up with a plan to con Meb by disguising Paladin’s horse as the beautiful cow. In the morning, McCooly (the dude with the cow) would feign loss and run away with the real cow, giving the horse to Meb as per the feud contract. I, however, was getting laid, so I missed all of this.
DM: It is morning! Cocka-doodle-doo! The cow says "Moo!” McCooly is waiting in his usual spot just between his ranch and Meb’s camp. Mae, you wake up very sore but strangely refreshed.
Me: Welp, time to take care of this job. (OOC): Doot doot doot. I head out to where McCooly is.
DM: He charges you with a very predictable path at a very slow speed, and winks at you. Initiative.
Me: *+2 Initiative, +3 Block*
DM: You successfully block. He says “Oh no, you are so fast! How did you ever see my attack coming?”
Me (OOC): I punch him right in the face with Storm Fist. *Rolls +2 for contact and +5 for damage, fail the stun chance, but land the cooldown reset*
DM: He looks at you funny and whispers at you “What are you doing, you’re supposed to go easy!” He then swings his spear at you again. It is very easy to read.
Me (OOC): *+1 Initiative* I notice, and +2 Block.
DM: You block again, and he says “Well, I guess I don’t have to hold back either.” He’s trying to shiv you with the spear. Initiative.
Me (OOC): *Same rolls as lats time.*
DM: You do NOT block, and you get shivved for 7 damage.
Me (OOC): That’s 3 after armor, I take it as HP. My turn?
Me (OOC): I’m going to poke him right under the jaw in that soft spot between the bone.
DM: I guess that counts as Bare Knuckle. Roll.
Me: *connects and does 5 damage* And now, I spend a fate chip to instantly reset the cooldown of Fist of Havoc, and I’m Smashing. *rolls 36 damage*
DM: …aw… why? You killed McCooly. He’s like, the coolest NPC ever, man.
Me (OOC): Afterwards I roll First Aid to keep him from being completely dead.
DM: So after he wakes up, he shakes your hand and compliments your strength, and hands you 90 gold to split between the three of you. He then takes the fake cow over to Meb and hands it over. Meb then tosses you an additional 90 gold to split, and blows a kiss at Mae.