does that count as a compliment

In which I seduce the villain of a side quest

Context: So this is the same Mae Gjallarfjall who seduced the pirate captain on the first game. In a later session, we have arrived at the capital of Fountland, which will serve as our base of operations for most of the campaign. The party decided to run some sidequests to make some cash and possibly find some loot. So we pick two bounties that are the opposite of each other. One is a dude who wants help fighting off an army of 5000 people, and the other is the army of 5000 looking for more help. Our way of completing both was… unusual.

DM: So, you guys arrive at the camp of five thousand men. One of them turns to you guys and asks “Who the fuck are you?”

Me (OOC): I pull out the job poster and tell him I’m looking for his leader.

DM: He points you the right way and wishes you luck.

Me (OOC): We continue on to the tent and I walk in without announcing myself.

DM: You find Meb in her tent, barely clothed and sitting on a throne made of men. She looks at you as you approach.

Me (OOC): I roll Persuasion to sway my hips seductively as I continue forward. *rolls +2 and ties Meb’s Initiative check*

DM: She raises an eyebrow at you and smiles. She greets you and demands that you state your business.

Me: *holding up her Help Wanted poster* I came to see about your job offer. You have five thousand men at your disposal against a single enemy, and yet you cannot best him? Why?

DM (as Meb): Ah, yes, I and my… rival, shall we say, have a contract in place. I’m only allowed to send one soldier per day.

Me: And for what ends?

DM (as Meb): To steal a cow.

Me: What’s so special about this cow? Can’t you just buy it from him? If you have the money for an army, surely you can buy a cow.

DM (as Meb): It’s a really nice cow. And he won’t sell it to me.

Me: Well, if you haven’t already sent your soldier for the day, I’ll go next and end this whole feud.

DM (as Meb): I like the sound of that. For now, find yourself a tent and rest up for the night. He’s tougher than you may think.

The rest of the party salutes and turns to leave.

Me (OOC): As I turn and walk out, I roll Persuasion again to sway my hips. *Rolls +3 and successfully seduces Meb*

DM (as Meb): Except you. *pointing at me* You stay. You’ve caught my eye… What’s your name, hun?

Me: Name’s Mae Gjallarfjall. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

DM (as Meb): Oh, we’re going to be far more than mere “acquaintances.“ (OOC): Roll Initiative.

Me (OOC): *critfail*

DM to me: You fail to notice her grab a whip from her throne as she steps towards you.

The rest of the party, meanwhile, comes up with a plan to con Meb by disguising Paladin’s horse as the beautiful cow. In the morning, McCooly (the dude with the cow) would feign loss and run away with the real cow, giving the horse to Meb as per the feud contract. I, however, was getting laid, so I missed all of this.

DM: It is morning! Cocka-doodle-doo! The cow says "Moo!” McCooly is waiting in his usual spot just between his ranch and Meb’s camp. Mae, you wake up very sore but strangely refreshed.

Me: Welp, time to take care of this job. (OOC): Doot doot doot. I head out to where McCooly is.

DM: He charges you with a very predictable path at a very slow speed, and winks at you. Initiative.

Me: *+2 Initiative, +3 Block*

DM: You successfully block. He says “Oh no, you are so fast! How did you ever see my attack coming?”

Me (OOC): I punch him right in the face with Storm Fist. *Rolls +2 for contact and +5 for damage, fail the stun chance, but land the cooldown reset*

DM: He looks at you funny and whispers at you “What are you doing, you’re supposed to go easy!” He then swings his spear at you again. It is very easy to read.

Me (OOC): *+1 Initiative* I notice, and +2 Block.

DM: You block again, and he says “Well, I guess I don’t have to hold back either.” He’s trying to shiv you with the spear. Initiative.

Me (OOC): *Same rolls as lats time.*

DM: You do NOT block, and you get shivved for 7 damage.

Me (OOC): That’s 3 after armor, I take it as HP. My turn?

DM: Yes.

Me (OOC): I’m going to poke him right under the jaw in that soft spot between the bone.

DM: I guess that counts as Bare Knuckle. Roll.

Me: *connects and does 5 damage* And now, I spend a fate chip to instantly reset the cooldown of Fist of Havoc, and I’m Smashing. *rolls 36 damage*

DM: …aw… why? You killed McCooly. He’s like, the coolest NPC ever, man.

Me (OOC): Afterwards I roll First Aid to keep him from being completely dead.

DM: So after he wakes up, he shakes your hand and compliments your strength, and hands you 90 gold to split between the three of you. He then takes the fake cow over to Meb and hands it over. Meb then tosses you an additional 90 gold to split, and blows a kiss at Mae.

Voltron Music Headcanon AKA Lance and Shiro start a band

• so one day Team Voltron (finally) has a day to rest and Shiro and Lance are just sitting in the common room.

• Lance absentmindedly starts humming the beginning to a song (I personally imagine that it’s Floral and Fading by Peirce the Veil. I’m just putting that out there.)

• Shiro starts tapping along to it

• Lance starts singing the lyrics and it is BEAUTIFUL.

• Shiro’s heard Lance “sing” to annoy Keith (He chased Keith through the entire castle singing MCR horribly out of key in a Heavy Metal voice, it was as impressive as it was hilarious), but in reality, saying “Lance had the voice of an angel” is an insult to Lance. Holy quiznak, Lance can sing.

• SHIRO STARTS DOING HARMONIES

• They finish the song and Shiro pulls a General Shang being all like “You… You sing good.”

• Lance: Thanks, Shiro!

• Lance [internally]: AJSBDKSBS THIS IS GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME I AM SO BLESSED

• Lance jokingly tells Shiro that they should start a band.

• Shiro seriously thinks starting a band is a great idea.

• Lance mentions the fact that the castle wouldn’t have any instruments to use.

• “Hey Coran, would the Olkari be able to make musical instruments?”

• “Of course!”

• Lance secretly makes Coran SWEAR not to tell Allura or Keith what they’re doing.

• Shiro and Lance ask Allura to make a wormhole to Olkarion. When questioned why, Lance bullshits a detailed “explanation” as to why Lance and Shiro need to be there.

• Allura buys the whole thing and Lance and Shiro are off to Olkarion.

• “Lance, why did you lie to the Princess?”

• “Dude, you can TOTALLY use this as a way to woo her into falling in love with you!”

• “With me? I thought YOU were the one who wanted to be with the Princess.”

• “I like her and everything, but I KNOW you have feelings for her, so I’m gonna help you lock it up, dude! Bros before Hoes, right?” (In truth, Lance wants to woo Keith instead because he’s been pining for him for a while. Everybody but Keith and Shiro are aware of this.)

• “Whoa, don’t call her a hoe!”

• “Case in point!”

• They get to Olkarion and they describe the equipment they’ll need, along with additional instruments they want to have just in case (drumset, guitar, bass, mics, amps, etc.) as best as they can.

• Lance is surprisingly eloquent with the descriptions. The instruments the Olkari make are better than anything found on Earth. Lance tells the Gibson guitar company to eat their fucking hearts out

• Hunk and Pidge HAPPEN to be in the hangar when they return.

• Shiro freezes as the Green and Yellow Paladins spot him walking out of his lion with a fucking bass drum in his hands

• “Don’t tell Allura.” says Shiro looking like a deer in the lights of an oncoming bus

• “…Or Keith” adds Lance sharing the same expression as the Black Paladin

• Pidge and Hunk look at each other for a moment. “Why not?” Asks Pidge.

• Lance tells them the plan of forming a band to win the affections of Keith and Allura.

• “How about we join the band and help you?” Says Hunk.

• “Deal” says Lance and Shiro in unison.

• Pidge finds a completely soundproof room in the castle and watches the security cams so they won’t get noticed by Allura. (Keith spends all his time in the training room, so he won’t be a problem)

• They successfully metal gear solid all the equipment to the room without getting caught by Allura. They spend an hour in the room rehearsing.

• Lance is on Lead Guitar and Vocals (Lance’s guitar solos are what dreams are made of.)

• Hunk is on Bass and backup vocals (okay, listen to a song with vocals only and tell me the bass guitar isn’t important you fricks.)

• Pidge is on Rhythm Guitar, Piano, and backup vocals. (MY NONBINARY SMOL IS SO TALENTED AND I LOVE THEM AND I’M DEFINITELY NOT BIASED. FIGHT ME)
•side note: they also sing lead vocals for Paramore songs, which they are surprisingly good at.

• Shiro is on drums. (Shiro sweats a lot when he plays, so he doesn’t wear a shirt. He also does that thing where he twirls one of the drumsticks while he plays with one hand. Because of course he can. Space Dad can do anything.)

• Coran calls Allura and Keith to the common room

• They start playing Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low the moment Keith and Allura walk through the door.

• During the verses of the song, Lance gets up close and personal with Keith as he sings, hitting him with the smolder™ (he brings his fucking A-GAME. Puffed up chest, confident grin, the occasional hair flip, and “fuck me” eyes that gave a whole new meaning to “if looks could kill”.)

• Homosexuality, thy name is Keith.

• Shiro decides to wink at Allura, as well as mouth the words “dear Allura, count me in” during the chorus.

• rip allura

• once the song is over, Allura compliments Shiro and caNNOT STOP STARING AT HIS CHEST. She kisses him on the cheek and tells him she really enjoyed it and that they should do this more often. (Obviously, she doesn’t know that that sounds really sexual. OR DOES SHE?)

• rip shiro

• the space parents become a flustered, giggly mess. Shiro pulls her into a passionate kiss. Not only that but Allura is also pulled into his sweaty rock hard chest.

• rip allura part 2: electric boogaloo

• Keith starts violently making out with Lance, and they do that thing where they walk and make out at the same time until they get to the hangar, where Keith (who’s still getting all icky-sticky with Lance) knocks on red’s foot so she’ll open up.

• they “have a bonding moment” in the cockpit.

• Red is… Surprisingly okay with this development.

• they do the walk of shame™ back to the common room

• Lance [internally]: I have no shame. This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

• when they return to the common room, everyone is applauding them. Because red and blue finally made purple. They finally did the mambo with their clothes off. They finally did the bedroom rodeo. They finally did whatever fucking euphemism for sex Pidge could think of.

• Hunk bakes Keith and Lance a “congrats on the sex” cake the very next day.

• this becomes a common occurrence within the castle (the performances, not the sex. Okay, also the sex. You get the point.)

westallen wedding headcanons just because

  • the wedding does not take place in the crossover episode :) iris deserves to be in 99% of the episode not these useless breads, its her special day :) :) :)
  • the legends team isn’t invited, they’re just too busy fucking over timelines/
  • iris breaking the news to linda and regretting it instantly

‘im marrying barry’

-god it was damn time, can’t believe i had to sit through your cringe fest with him five years ago god blesseth you guys- now iris west-allen let’s get this show on the road [takes out a big ass folder with west/allen wedding written in bigass letters]

  • now barry can’t see iris for the whole week of the wedding  courtesy of linda’s rules, so he tries to phase through her wall, little does he know linda is waiting on the other side with pepper spray
  • ‘ALLEN I SWEAR TO GOD- now she’ll be even more beautiful when you can open your eyes’
  • obviously linda is bridesmaidZILLA
  • cynthia is iris’s bridesmaid (iris thought it would be cute and foreshadowing seeing cisco and cynthia walk down the aisle together (via @candicespatton)
  • cisco and wally had numerous, oh my god you couldn’t even count, fight about who was gonna be barry’s best man

cisco putting in a compliment or two ‘barry you know you’re a great man, but i would be the greatest BEST man huh am i right?’

wally letting barry win a couple of races 

  • wally and cisco getting into a heated argument about barry’s best man

well im his best-friend!

technically no he’s marrying her :) nice try, flashes stick together :) :)

WALLY- 

CISCO-

barry then just squeaking ‘yourebothmybestman’sidontknowicantchooseokaybye’

  • kara coming to cc with alex to visit and attend the wedding, being all fluffy with bartholomew’s nervous ass.
  • barry inviting james behind kara’s back

‘babe where’s mon-el i don’t see him on the list??’

-uh he’s somewhere in space i guess [coughs almost chokes]

  • joe seeing iris in her wedding dress and ‘i can’t believe my baby girl is getting married’ ‘you and barry deserve the world’
  • wally trying to steal pastries during the reception and linda constantly swatting his hand away
  • barry being nervous waiting at the alter all fidgety and oh my god and then time stops. he turns to find her walking arm in arm with joe, her smile lightning up the room, he can still see the memory her dress, her face so clearly. 
  • when she’s in front of him, he feels like that smol boy he was once the boy in love with iris but scared to admit, and just whispers shyly ‘hey’ and she looks up to him and just ‘hi’
  • exchanging vows, saying i do, the guests cheering, iris finally feels like everything is right in the universe, correction the multiverse.
  • linda catching iris’ bouquet, her blushing when she catches wally looking at her fondly 

barry seeing everything leans in to whisper ‘wonder when their wedding’s gonna be’

  • the cake, wow barry decides to be a jackass and put a smudge of cake on iris’s nose, and she rewards him with a kiss…..and a fistful of cake.
  • as cheesy as it is their first dance together is to ‘runnin’ home to you’ :)))))

bonus: bart coming just in time to see them say i do and whispering to wally ‘can’t believe i get to see this iconic moment’

Kihyun One Shot

       You x Kihyun

       Summary: being daughter of the bakery owner, you had always found yourself innocently flirting with the apprentice baker. At least, it had always just been flirting, right?

       Authors note: follows Minhyuk series giving you Kihyun’s background story.

       word count: 2100-ish

“Do not steal any of those pastries this time!” Kihyun scolded as you wandered through the back room of the bakery, nibbling on some of the fresh muffins that were secretly your favorites. You would never let Kihyun know you liked his baking the best. 

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A Lesson in Love (The First Date)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,978

A/N: The tag list for this story is officially CLOSED.

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - Nik, you’re a genius editor. Your brain is almost as perfect as your face (I would like to thank Leslie Knope for coming up with this compliment because it works perfectly for you)

Originally posted by arianagrandes

“Y/N, you have a message!”

“What does it say?” You call back, too scared to step away from your laptop and lose the flow of inspiration that had hit you out of the blue. With a draft due in a few days for your Creative Writing class, you’ll take what you can get.

Wanda emerges from your room, phone in hand and a grin lighting up her features. “Is there something you forgot to tell me?”

“Huh?”

“Wear something comfortable tonight, but not white,” Wanda reads directly from your phone. “I’m so excited. Happy face.”

Your hands freeze over your keyboard, knowing exactly who that message is from without Wanda having to tell you. “Oh.”

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Uncle Shawn

Requested: Could you do one where y/n’s sibling goes into labour/finds out she’s pregnant and your siblings tells them together and Shawn is more excited than y/n is, and everyone keeps calling him uncle Shawn

Masterlist

~~~

The second you open the door to your childhood home, you’re immediately hit with the joyful and heartwarming sound of your family talking and laughing from the living room. You enter the house with your boyfriend in tow. When you enter the living room, you hug your parents first, and Shawn follows suit, hugging your mom and shaking your dads hand. Then you go around, greeting your older sister and her husband, and your little brother. You take a seat next to your sister, and she asks about your new job. As you enter into a conversation with her, Shawn takes a seat on the other end of the room, talking to your little brother. And while you talk to your sister, you can’t help the smile on your face because of how well your boyfriend gets along with your family.

You’ve been dating Shawn for nearly two years now, and even your little brother, who normally shies away from talking about things like relationships with you, has told you that you should marry him. That’s a big deal, especially coming from him. Your family is really close, which is why it is so important to you that Shawn gets along with them. Even though you’re twenty and don’t live at home anymore, you and your sister always return home every Sunday night to have dinner as a family. Sunday dinners were always a thing growing up, you were all allowed to stay out for dinner with friends or do other things on most nights if you had to, but Sunday nights were sacred. Sunday nights were family nights, and they still are. Shawn has been coming to your family dinners ever since you first started dating. With his career, he isn’t able to always be home, but whenever he is in town you can count on him to be there.

About ten minutes later, you’re all seated around your big dining room table, digging in to your moms roast with Shawn complimenting your moms cooking like he always does, and she loves it. Your sister stops eating when there is a lull in the conversation, saying, “Scott and I have an announcement to make.” She doesn’t pause long enough for anyone to say anything before she blurts, “We’re pregnant.” Everyone is thrilled because they’ve been trying for a while, so its great to hear that they’re finally pregnant.

Shawn is the first to formulate a response. “Congratulations!” You’re thrilled and excited, but your excitement is almost overshadowed by the excitement you can feel radiating from Shawn and it makes you laugh.

After everyone offers their congratulations, and even stands up from their seats to hug your sister and her husband, you finally all settle back into your seats and continue eating.

“You’re going to be an Aunt,” Shawn tells you, his eyes shining, and his smile huge.

“That’s right Uncle Shawn,” Your sister tells Shawn. His smile gets even bigger at her comment, if that’s even possible and his cheeks immediately turn red, but you can tell that he likes the sound of it. 

Originally posted by thugshawn

How to Write a Cover Letter Someone Will Actually Read

Okay, so when applying for jobs, you’re generally going to need 4 things: 1) a completed application, 2) your resume, 3) a cover letter, and 4) a list of references. The application you need to do on your own and it’s just filling in boxes, you can handle that. Resumes I’ve already covered! Now, it’s on to the joy absolute gut-wrenching hell that is writing a cover letter.

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hintligirl  asked:

87 and 97 with bucky please. I appreciate you a lot.

Thank you! This is 100% fluff.

87. Are you five?

97. All I need is you, and cheerios.

James Buchanan Barnes was one of the most lethal creatures on earth, right behind the mosquito and the African elephant: his super soldier serum made him stronger than an average strong man, and his metal arm was more intimidating than seven missed calls from your mom. But when a microscopical virus managed to ravage his ripped body somehow, he could easily become the son you never wanted.

“I was watching that.” He complained with a hoarse voice as soon as you turned off the TV.

“Bill Nye the Science Guy?” You asked, raising an eyebrow as you watched him blow his reddened nose, nodding at the same time, his body curling up in the couch as he sheltered his body under the blanket. “Are you five?”

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“Puppy Love” (D.O x Reader)

“Veterinarian and the two meet through Kyungsoo’s friend who owns a dog and the reader is their veterinarian. They don’t fall in love at first sight instead Ksoo would notice little things about the reader and somehow falls deeply in love with her. Thank you!!”


THIS IS SUCH A CUTE CONCEPT TYSM

Name: “Puppy Love”

Character: D.O // Do Kyungsoo (EXO)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,300

Originally posted by visual-jongdae

(just your daily reminder that he’s fucking adorable BYE - gif not mine)

You watched as the panicked young man shuffled into your room. He was fairly short but with a regular build; he was physically fit. He sported short jet black hair, that complimented his doe-like orbs. His dark eyes shifted from side to side nervously. He clutched the pet carrier case so hard his knuckles were bleached white. You beamed politely, sensing his nerves. “Hi, how are you?” you began warmly. He feigned a weak smile, punctuating the gesture with an awkward chuckle. “I’ve been better.” His voice was deep but mellow, seemingly calm but he was completely the opposite. “So Mr…” you paused.“Do. Do Kyungsoo,” he fumbled awkwardly.
“Mr Do, what seems to be the problem?” you asked. He gulped. Your fingertips found the clasps of the locks of the carrier case, making quick work of the latch and opening it. A clunk sounded and the door swung open. “I honestly don’t know, I am not really an expert on dogs,” he scratched the back of his head as he stammered. You gave him a questioning look. He quickly butted in on your confusion, “Ah, it’s not my dog’s. It’s a friends. He’s on holiday at the moment.” Worry glazed his soft features, a gap present in his lips where they were slightly ajar. You nodded in acknowledgement before coaxing the animal out.

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Finding Her

Part 2/5

<<Previous  Next>>

Pairing: marliza (maria x eliza)

Premise: modern soulmate au – Eliza and Maria desperately seek their soulmate in a world where their first words to you are written on your arm from birth.

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 1698

a/n: enjoy <3


“Wow!” Eliza cried, grinning. “Um… hi. I’m Eliza … what’s your name?

The beautiful girl swallowed, having trouble thinking. “Um… Maria.”

A gorgeous smile lit up Eliza’s features. “That’s a really beautiful name! And, if I may say, you’re really beautiful too, like… your smile is amazing.”

Maria was taken aback. No one had ever complimented her smile. It was always something about her body or her face… never her smile. “Thanks…”

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My favorite time of year. Employee reviews. My company, Konoha Corp, approaches the higher levels of management first and then goes downward. This is my round. I’ve been stuck in this stale room for 45 minutes.

“Sasuke, sometimes you can come off as…”

Kakashi trailed off. That only annoyed me.

“As what?”

“As challenging. Demanding.”

Of course I know how I come off. And it works.

“I get results, don’t I?”

It annoys me that he has the nerve to confront me about this. Every single product release under my management has gone off without complications. In terms of revenue and increasing market share, I’ve outperformed every single one of my contemporaries by a landslide. I’ve held this role for three years as of June and have moved mountains.

“Your results are stellar. Sasuke, you are a very brilliant scientist and a shrewd businessman. But you’re breeding a workplace culture that is afraid to fail. They’re afraid to show creativity.”

“Afraid to fail.”

That phrase just sticks between my ears and goads me, because right now I’m so clearly remembering Itachi yelling at me over huge stacks of messy papers when I showed him my plans for the AI components of one of our new virtual executive assistants December of last year.

“This has all been done before. It’s good work, but it’s by the books. Why are you so afraid to fail? You’ll never make a difference that way!”

He died three months ago. Whenever I remember him, I get upset. If I’m around people, that automatically manifests as me being pissed off.

“Can we afford to fail with our brand’s reputation and the market share at stake? Why are you complaining?”

I know I’m being difficult and missing the point. I continue regardless.

“Sasuke, people respect you, but they also fear you.”

“Yes. That’s a management style.”

Kakashi sighs, clearly frustrated. I couldn’t care less, because I’m frustrated too.

Steve Jobs pulled it off. So can I.

“You need to show them a softer, more caring side. These are brilliant people.”

Most of them are bright. I have my doubts about a few, one person in particular on my mind. But I didn’t hire him, so I consider myself absolved. Itachi must’ve been smoking crack.

“They need a supportive environment to innovate. We’re a consumer technology company, Sasuke. We need to be on the edge, or we’re obsolete by definition.”

At this point, I could go on about all of the successful product launches and ballooning profits. There’s just one inconvenient aspect of the situation: he’s right. And I know damned well that people are afraid to think outside of the box because they’re afraid of what I might do if they fail.

He’s asking me to do something I don’t know how to do, but I won’t admit to it. I’m silent, which he takes as a cue.

“It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic or unnatural. Just try to be more understanding if an employee makes a mistake. If they were using their best judgment and were being diligent, then it’s enough that they tried.”

What if they have their head in the clouds and spend all day wondering, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…?” What if they squander their potential by sitting on their ass and playing class clown with coworkers? Like a certain vapid blue-eyed employee I have. Eye color generally means nothing to me, but it’s difficult not to remember such a brilliant blue.

“I agree with you that as long as something was done responsibly and with due diligence, the employee shouldn’t be reproached. What I object to is anything less than diligence.”

Kakashi looks down at my desk, and he looks back up at me with his eyes half lidded. He looks tired.

“Look. Not everyone is going to have your work ethic, Sasuke. And sometimes people do get distracted. As their manager, you use the ruler first, not the sledgehammer.”

A pause.

“You have to show you care.”

Right. The only issue is that I don’t.

I frown. Inhale. Exhale. I remind myself of what Itachi said, which is almost entirely the reason why I speak my next sentence.

“Okay, I’ll try a softer hand.”

Kakashi smiles, because he knows how big of an accomplishment it was to get me to say that. I will let him believe it’s his victory. I don’t give a damn.

“But I’m warning you in advance that we may experience some hiccups.”

I issue that disclaimer because this means relinquishing some of my control in the interest of fostering innovation. I don’t know what will happen. My team might fail. I don’t want that to be interpreted as a failure on my part.

“We’ll consider them learning experiences.”

-   -   -

He code named it CMI. Caring Manager Initiative. Apparently, even this requires an acronym. It’s like a bad joke.

This is, without a doubt, my least favorite project that I have ever been on. Ever.

I will have to update Kakashi on my progress next quarter. He’d outlined three action items for me to fulfill by the next quarter:

1.       Conducting Employee Reviews

2.       Showing Interest in Employee Activities

3.       Acknowledging Employee Achievements

I will record everything and act diligently and rationally at every step. If there is a failure, it will not be because I failed.

 

Phase I - Caring Manager Initiative
Conducting Employee Reviews

I can’t even express how much I hate conducting employee reviews.

I go over every detail of the person’s value to the company. I fixate on their accomplishments for about 70% of the review. They plead their case. They almost always want more money, and I can only acquiesce about half of the time. I listen to their hackneyed excuses with a seemingly empathetic nod, which Itachi once told me was actually pretty convincing.

With practiced ease, like a surgeon, I speak about “opportunities to improve,” because no one wants to be criticized. And this go around, it seems like I have to put the kiddie gloves on. God forbid I hurt anyone’s feelings.

So it’s with mixed relief and dread that I view Naruto’s name on my calendar as my next appointment.

Naruto comes into my office with a big grin.

“Alright, Bossman. Let’s get this show on the road!”

I have told him to stop calling me Bossman so many times that I’ve lost count.

“Sit down.”

Now he has to obey me. He does so without complaint, not realizing that this was a power play on my part. With employees like Naruto, establishing boundaries is key.

As annoyed as I am with him, I know that for once today, I can be honest. I never hold back with Naruto. He takes everything I could ever dish out…and throws it back in my face.

I can’t believe I haven’t fired him yet.

“Okay, Naruto. You know that your designs have, in theory, been…interesting.”

Naruto puffs up like a toad at the compliment and stares at me like he’d just triumphed over me. It makes me regret saying it.

“But when it comes to creating the prototypes and testing them, everything falls to shit. You don’t see your ideas through. That’s fatal. If a product doesn’t work, it’s useless.”

“So you’re calling my work useless?” Naruto bristles.

It is true that he hasn’t gotten a single product off the ground. He’s a dreamer.

“I’m saying that the devil’s in the detail.”

At this point, if it were anyone else, I’d be reassuring them of how valuable they are to the company and how integral they are to the team. I’d smile and talk to them about promotions and ask them to fill out company templates with their goals for the next year. But that would sound forced, because that’s not how Naruto and I talk.

Naruto puffs out his cheeks and pouts, and I feel like I’m talking to a teenager. People have probably told him he needs to be more detail-orientated, because God knows it’s true.

“There’s that, and the fact that you keep checking your cell phone during working hours and socializing with coworkers too often.”

Naruto smiles and gives an impish laugh.

“This is not funny.”

“So… I guess I’m not getting a raise, huh?” he asks sheepishly, still trying to lighten the situation.

“Now that was funny.”

“Oh, you are such a prick,” Naruto answers, amused by my attitude. He should be used to it at this point.

“Is that really what you want to say to your boss?”

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

I dislike the fact that I have to bring this issue to his attention for him to resolve it. It demonstrates a lack of proactivity. In fact, in all aspects of the guy’s life… He’s so laid back and easygoing. Everything is always fine and well with him, and who cares what reality actually is. Such disregard for life’s priorities. I don’t get him, nor do I want to.

“You’ve been warned,” I answer. “I’m documenting it. Fix it, and we’ll have no problems.”

Naruto sighs, and again I feel like a parent. Naruto looks down and bites his lip, and I start thinking that maybe he’s more frustrated with himself than he is with me.

“Okay.”

We continue the conversation. He didn’t call me Bossman again the entire meeting.


Stage II - Caring Manager Initiative
Showing Interest in Employee Activities

Konoha Corp has a club for public speaking, held every Wednesday at lunch time. As both a scientist and a businessman, I realize that scientists are not known for mixing well with the business world. Itachi always told me never to let one of my scientists talk to one of my investors.

Our employees come here for that extra polish. The moderator, Shizune, explained that today’s workshop would all be impromptu, two-minute speeches. She put everyone’s names in a bowl, and she’d draw each speaker out until the bowl emptied. Each person would have their own topic. Meanwhile, she’d videotape them on their phone.

Public speaking is one of my strengths, not that I particularly enjoy talking. I practiced for years and fancy myself an actor now.

And of course, Naruto is here. Of all the faces in the room, his was the one I expected to see the most. He thrives off of being the center of attention. Shizune now pulls a slip out of the bowl, and everyone is sweating around me. Naruto’s name is the first she pulls.

I can’t imagine how pleased he must be by this as he walks toward the lectern.

“And the topic is…”

A pause. Naruto is standing behind the lectern now.

“Your favorite food.”

No one’s looking at me, so I roll my eyes.

Clearly, he’s doing this to show off. He’s a bubbling extrovert. He’s going to crack a few jokes. People will laugh, because he’s damn good at making people laugh. I have no interest whatsoever in watching him puff up and prattle on for whatever acknowledgement his secretly insecure soul craves.

But then he starts speaking. My mind goes blank. I’m taken off guard. Shocked.

Shocked by how horrible he is at this.

“I…”

He looks down at his feet, then paces a few steps.

“Um…”

He’s choking. I did not see this coming.

“Wow, uh…”

His body is very obviously shaking. I doubt anyone could miss it.

“Um… Give me a minute. I’m…” he stammers. “I’m off to some start, huh?”

The room gives a forced and sympathetic laugh that makes me want to cringe.

He’s a wreck.

But he’s trying. I have to say that for him. He’s earnest, and raw, and vulnerable, and… In a nutshell, everything that I’m not.

His face is bright red. I don’t know why, but my chest feels tight. This is painful to watch, yet I can’t take my eyes off of him. I find myself wishing that I could plant words on his tongue, which is ironic given that he generally never shuts the hell up.

“So, ramen…” he starts, gesturing with his arms. “It’s… It’s a hot food and… So, you know…”

Everyone is looking at him. I can’t explain it, but if anyone so much as snickers at his awkwardness, I would fire them on the spot.

If I were that shitty at public speaking, you couldn’t pay me to go up there and fumble, turn five different shades of red, and shake like a leaf. But he did, because he wants to improve. He took initiative. Still, it’s certainly not like I’m impressed by his pathetic attempt at a speech.

Well… Maybe just a little bit impressed.

He’s brave.

Braver than I gave him credit for.

I again remember Itachi telling me, “You’re afraid to fail.” It burns, and I swallow tight. It’s bad enough that he was right. Even worse that he’s dead, and now I’m thinking about it. I was not prepared to feel today. I clear my mind.

“You um… I like ramen because it’s easy to make and…”

“The time is up,” Shizune informed him with a smile.

He smiles, but his shoulders slump. I can’t blame him.

“And Mr. Uchiha, it’s so wonderful to have you join us today!”

Naruto looks at me, and his eyes widen to the size of golf balls. He is a stubborn thorn in my side, and I want to deck him every time he calls me “Bossman” in that same nauseatingly upbeat tone. Usually I’d jump at the chance to one up him, but this is very different. I hold eye contact with him for just an instant before addressing Shizune again.

“Yes, thank you, everyone. Nice work.”

Without a word, Naruto runs right out of the room, abandoning any attempt at composure and leaving his phone behind with Shizune. This isn’t like him. Was he going to… Unravel? Cry or something? Just because he now realizes I was watching?

I’ve been thinking about it for a while, trying to figure it out. This banter dialogue we’ve had going… He seems like he fixates on me. He’s…

Shit. I really hope this isn’t what I think it is.

All of this churns through my head as my face betrays nothing. I think that the power to pull an impeccable stone cold poker face in light of any situation runs in my family. Or maybe it’s learned. Whatever the case, it’s a valuable gift.

Meanwhile, people start murmuring and chatting about Naruto’s rushed exit.

“Shut up,” I say to everyone, firmly and just a little more loudly than I would in normal conversation.

In a heartbeat, the room goes so quiet you could hear a piece of paper hit the ground.

Refreshing.

The meeting continues with my go ahead. I begrudgingly sit there and pretend to be interested. I pretend like I don’t want to leave that meeting right now and find Naruto. If I found him, what would I do? I don’t know. So why bother?

I see the meeting through to its dazzling completion and have accomplished my mission as Caring Manager for the day, though I admit that telling everyone to shut up was counterproductive. I should have known better, but it was worth it.


Stage III
Acknowledging Employee Achievements

I didn’t see Naruto again that day until the late hours of the evening. It’s ten, at which time the office is generally a ghost town. I could hear someone typing from the opposite side of the floor. We both had our respective deadlines to meet for the next morning, though me pulling all-nighters was nothing out of the norm.

I’m trying to eat my turkey sandwich and mark up my prototypes at the same time. I hear footsteps outside of my office and look to see Naruto trying to sneak past my door. He’s all too conspicuous in his attempts to avoid eye contact with me.

“Good job,” I say loudly enough for him to hear.

I thought he deserved it.

“Very funny, jackass.”

He knows what I’m referring to, naturally. He’s stopped outside of my office now.

“I’m not joking,” I answer.

He looks up at me, and there’s indecision in his eyes. He’s trying to read me, which he’s always been horrible at.

“Is that…an actual compliment?”

Naruto grins. It looks like gloating.

“It was pity.”

“What?”

I have no idea why I just said that; it was a knee jerk reaction. I feel like I kicked a puppy in the face.

“No… It wasn’t pity.”

I’m frustrated with myself, because I can’t seem to pull this off without ruining it somehow.

“Look… If you haven’t noticed, sincerely complimenting people is not my strong suit. I thought I’d take your example and try something I suck at today.”

That was downright painful.

“You’ve got guts, Uzumaki.”

Naruto lights up like the sun and smiles at me, and if I’m going to follow that analogy, I feel like the rays have warmed me.

“Well…” Naruto pauses and then looks into my eyes again. “Good job, Bossman.”

He continues to smile at me, and the atmosphere grows stale. There’s an adage: always leave them wanting more.

“Have a good one. See you tomorrow.”

I give him a nod, and he issues that dramatic, almost frantic wave that he’s known for with a beaming grin. As he leaves my office and approaches the exit, I hear him hum under his breath. Why am I sad to hear him go?

I sigh and resist the temptation to insult him. CMI will be difficult; there’s no denying that. And of all of CMI’s challenges, Naruto will likely be the greatest. At the very least, today Naruto gave me a crash course on how to fail. As sick as it makes me to admit this, I should be learning from him.

Alright.

I’m really happy for Dan though. Like, mostly since 2009, Dan had done things and said things based off what the media had expected of him. Or how he thought he should be to make more people like him. But over the past few recent years (2015-2017), he’s been learning to be more acceptable of himself?

He wears new things like ripped jeans, paints his nails when he feels inspired because it’s therapeutic and calming. Wearing things like the jat™ and even leggings. He let’s his hair curl (and good god, I know exactly how he feels about curly hair I can’t stand mine I think it looks really bad most days) and says what he feels (within reason) like giving Phil genuine compliments, even if he does sometime make fake gagging noises afterwards, but sometimes he actually doesn’t and genuinely means it. He’s not as closed off as he used to be and though he may always be “danisnotonfire” to youtube and most of his subscriber count now, he finally admitted he doesn’t really like it (though has he ever?) and would much rather go by the name he was given, but never liked because it was “too formal.”

I’m happy because he’s finally being happier about himself and who he is as a person. It takes a while to find yourself and know who you really are, and Dan has finally done it. He knows who he is and who he wants to be, and he was finally ready to let us know that. It might have taken him 25 (almost 26) years to know himself, but now that he does, he’s ready to embrace it. He’s ready to embrace 2009 Dan’s nightmares, because he’s grown and learned, which are two great things anyone could do in life. I’m happy and proud of him today. He did good :)

But Not Too Familiar

Shunk Week Fill (¼)

Summary: Some things change.  Some things don’t.  Some things get better.  After all, ten years is far too long to have gone without learning to let loose together.  A non-canonical part of Ten Years On. This will be posted on AO3 shortly after.  Thanks to @xagrok for Beta’ing!


Shiro supposed he should have expected this.

It wasn’t like he thought everyone had kept up strict military protocol in the decade he’d been gone.  Hell, he knew for a fact that wasn’t true, from the stories he’d been told.  And it wasn’t like drinking and relaxing wasn’t a big part of military culture, anyway.

It was just that he’d never experienced it with this group, in the not-quite-a-year they’d spent together.  There just hadn’t been time, going from crisis to training to crashing in bed.  They’d all been various kinds of exhausted the whole time that their recreational activities tended to be relaxing.

Which was how Shiro found himself hovering on the edges of a party.

(Read More)

Keep reading

It is over… I am done… like really… spare me… no no more ARHG!!!!
why did I think that this was a good idea. What did past nene think???
a right… nene is a birb and does not think….

_______________________________________

-beka is like “nice bike bro”
-and iwa does not know if it is really a compliment or that small guy over there is mocking him.
-we never know / be cautious / oikawa is so dead when iwa comes home
-obligatory birbs everywhere (oh there are my brain peaces
-I forgot how many cats I put in there…. Can you help me count them?
(right number gets a smooch! <3)

_______________________

art by me
pleas don’t repost

i promis i will do better next time!!! but until then please forgive me ;;;

NO MORE SUBMISSIONS PLEASE (february 19th 2017)

ayyyy! so yesterday, i reached 900 followers (i’m still weeping; y’all are too good to me, jesus christ), and i put up a form where you could vote what you wanted me to do to celebrate. opinions were slightly divided, so i’ve decided to do a little bit of “everything”!

♥ T H I N G S   T O   E N T E R ♥

  • for a compliment promo, send me your favourite movie
  • for a blog rate, send me your favourite song
  • for an edit or moodboard (character, ship, house, etc.), send me the name of the character, ship, house, etc, and specify if you want a mooboard or an edit.
  • for a personal moodboard, send me two-five things you like/are interested in. 
  • you can also choose to get a personal edit. in that case, tell me what you want it to be based on (for example nature, food, books, city life, death, love, a quote you like, and so on; can be anything really)!

♥ R  U  L  E  S ♥

  • must be following this remus stan
  • reblog this post (like count as bookmarks only)
  • maybe check out my edits? (optional)
  • depending on how many there are who request a compliment promo, i’ll do them in batches of three, five, seven or ten. i probably won’t get started on those until tomorrow!
  • please no more than two “categories” per person
  • be patient!
people.com
‘Are You Pregnant?’ Newlywed Jinger Duggar Vuolo’s Sisters Have Been Grilling Her About Starting a Family

Counting On returns Monday, June 5 at 9 p.m. ET on TLC

Jinger (Duggar) Vuolo‘s sisters are ready for her to become a mama, but is she?

In November, Jinger and her husband Jeremy Vuolo tied the knot in front of nearly 1,000 guests at their Arkansas wedding and have since moved to Laredo, Texas, where he works in ministry. “Married life has been the best thing ever,” Jinger says in a PEOPLE exclusive supertease of the upcoming season of Counting On. “You look amazing,” she compliments her husband while he does pushups on the floor of their home.

But although the newlyweds are still learning about and enjoying married life together, her sisters — Jill (Duggar) Dillard, Jessa (Duggar) Seewald, Joy-Anna Duggar and Jana Duggar — want to know when the Vuolo family will be adding a little baby — a.k.a. niece or nephew — into the mix.

“So are you pregnant?” 25-year-old Jill asks her younger sister via video chat in Arkansas. “Huh?” Jinger responds with a smile and a a look of bewilderment.

“It is very possible that Jinger could be expecting,” explains Joy-Anna, who also inquires about the possibility of her being pregnant during the sisters’ video chat: “Have you taken a test?”

The new season will also follow the birth of Jessa and Ben Seewald‘s second son, Henry Wilberforce; Joseph Duggar entering into a courtship with Kendra Caldwell, and Jill and Derick Dillard’s return to Central America for a months-long stint prior to the birth of their second son this July. “I have certain apprehensions about our return to Central America because it is a dangerous place,” Derick admits in the exclusive supertease.

When the series returns in June, Counting On audiences will also get an inside look Austin Forsyth’s surprise — and blindfolded — proposal to Joy-Anna.

Boyfriend Mark

A/N - The first in a little series of Got7 as your boyfriend! I’ll be doing this in age order and uploading a new one each week~ This was actually my first time writing like this so let me know if it was any good! Keep sending in your requests and remember, ships will be closing tonight!

JB | Jackson | Jinyoung | Youngjae | Bambam | Yugyeom

  • just imagine the ethereal Mark Tuan as your boyfriend
  • like that would just be perfect
  • who would want anything more than this little ray of sunshine
  • he’d be so freaking cuddly
  • omg Mark cuddles would be the best
  • and he’d do them at such random times as well
  • you’re just pouring yourself a bowl of cereal *hug*
  • you’re getting dressed *hug*
  • doing you’re makeup *hug*
  • SO MANY HUGS
  • and don’t even get me started on his kisses
  • they’d range from cute little pecks on the cheek to just full on making out
  • and whenever he started making out with you randomly, he’d just stop and walk away
  • bc he’s such a little tease especially in the bedroom
  • Mark would always want to surprise you with little gifts from all the places he visits on tour
  • which leads to you having a massive collection of keyrings, teddy bears and postcards
  • but you love every single one of them because he looked at them all and thought of you and your pretty face
  • he’d send so many tour snapchats as well 
  • and they’d be of the weirdest things
  • normal people would take photos of the scenery or something
  • but nope Mark goes for taking photos of every bathroom in all the hotel rooms he stays in
  • and whenever you asked why he’d just try and distract you with a shirtless selfie and let’s be real, it works
  • Mark would miss you so much on tour though omg
  • he’d call you every night just so he could hear your voice
  • and he’d make sure to text you when you woke up with a cute message
  • he’d count down the days until he saw you again
  • but he would always make sure the countdown is wrong so that he can surprise you when he comes home
  • and somehow you’d never realise even though he does it every single time he goes away
  • jealous!Mark wouldn’t happen very often because he trusts you with his life and knows you’d never do anything with someone else
  • but every now and then someone would stand a little too close and compliment you a little too much
  • and he’d just switch into a jealous boyfriend
  • it was a rare sight but whenever you noticed him tense up and have a blank expression on his face, you’d know he’s jealous
  • and you’d then make sure to show the person flirting with you that you’re already taken 
  • now let’s talk about the bit everyone was waiting for…the smut
  • Mark Tuan in the bedroom…yes please
  • he’d be so loving and would some nights be really passionate and slow, wanting to make it last
  • but other nights would be the complete opposite, especially if someone had been flirting with you a lot
  • and those other nights were amazing
  • he’d be more rough and he’d leave so many love bites over your neck and collarbones
  • basically Mark Tuan would be an angel of a boyfriend until you got him into the bedroom where he was anything but
  • I just want soft and cuddly Mark in my life though he’s too cute and sexy
1.7K celebration

So I’m kinda swamped with stuff but ily guys so I’m gonna do some fun stuff to celebrate that I JUST GOT TO 1.7K FOLLOWERS!! tysm!!💕💕 YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!! I’ll just never understand how I got so many followers I mean ???

Rules:
  • follow me
  • reblog this post (likes don’t count)
  • check out my fandom family (optional)
  • send me a:
    🥐 for an edit (I’ll only be making 7 of these and they’ll take longer that the rest of this stuff)(request whatever you want, character, ship, personal (for a personal pls send me your aesthetic or things you like so I can have a better mental image or whatever in a separate ask pls)
    🍟 for a compliment
    🍦+ your selfie tag for a fancast
    🍫 for a name aesthetic
  • please choose only one or two!!
  • blacklist “ana does shit” if you don’t wanna see these