***Disclaimer*** There is a small part in Tris’ POV, but most of it is copied and pasted from the book, I added few of my own lines in there, so no copyright infringment was intended!
Warnings: Death, and kind of angsty, sorry!
Last day of initiation, the day I find out my ranking, my fate in Dauntless. But first, I’ll have to go through my fear landscape; I wait outside with my fellow initiates, watching them go in to the room one by one.
“Y/N!” I finally hear, I get a few good lucks before walking into the room, my boyfriend Eric come up to me with the syringe. We started dating one month after initiation started, and have been dating for 4 months now. And yes, I am in love with him, but I haven’t been able to build up the courage to tell him, what if he doesn’t feel the same?
I snap out of my thoughts as Eric begins to speak, “I’m going to inject you with this serum Y/N, and you’re gonna go through all of your fears, the leaders will see what you see, and everyone else will only see your reactions,” his face wears the same hard expression as it does when he’s near any of the other initiates, but I know it’s just a mask, he proves this further when he places his hand in my shoulder and whispers, “Be brave Y/N.”
He then injects me, one by one I go through all of my fears, I only have eight, the second lowest number within my group of initiates, Tris had the lowest, 7.
I get out of my landscape in 17 minutes and Eric meets me at the back door of the landscape room, “That was amazing Y/N! You really do belong here,” He gives a small smile, but hardens his expression almost immediately.
“Thanks Eric!” I smile back, resisting every urge to kiss him.
“I can’t believe that
losing me is one of your fears,” he says, refer to the fear where I was
forced to kill my loved ones.
“Well, maybe because I l-” I stop myself before I say it. Shit.
“You what…?” He asks quickly.
“Because I-I would never want to kill a person who has never wronged me,” I say confidently, trying to cover my mistake. Eric didn’t believe me but just as he was about to say something Max called him back.
“I’ll see you in the cafeteria for the rankings,” he quickly says as he leaves.
I meet my three best friends Christina, Will, and Tris in the dorm rooms; we still have two hours before we find out what our rankings are.
“Can you believe this will be our last night in this room,” Christina says.
“Thank God for that,” I laugh. I could not wait to get out of this disgusting dorm room, and get my own apartment.
“Are you guys scared for ranks?” Will asks.
“A little, I just hope I don’t have to work on the fence,” I say, “I wouldn’t want to stay away from the compound for weeks on end.”
“Same,” Christina groans.
We sitting in the dorm room, watching as the rest of transfers make their way back from their own landscapes, until Four finally comes in to tell us that it was time for our results.
We walked into the cafeteria with the Dauntless-born initiates; some of us wore excited looks on our faces, whereas others looked nervous as hell.
Max gives a speech and then the ranks are posted. Where is it? Where is my name? I’m cut! Shit I’ve been cut! I scan the bottom of the board and I don’t see it, so I slowly work my way up, then I see it:
What?! I got third place! Third place! I can’t help myself from jumping and squealing a little as the Dauntless crowd bursts into claps and cheers.
I look around to congratulate my friends, but all I find is Christina kissing Will and Tris kissing Four. No matter how happy I may feel for them, I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy; why can’t my relationship with Eric be so loving and open like them?
I see Eric making his way toward the doors of the cafeteria and he gestures for me to follow. I quickly make my way after him.
“I got third place! I can’t believe it!” I gush as soon as we’re out of earshot.
“Congratulations Y/N,” Eric says smiling. I’m the only one who ever gets to see Eric like this, so whenever he smiles it only makes me happier. I lean up and kiss him.
This is the moment that I realize that I have to tell him, I can no longer keep this secret from him. I love him way too much; I can’t keep it in any longer. I’m Divergent.
“Eric, I have to tell you something,” Maybe this isn’t the right place.
“I have to tell you something too,” He says, “But you go first.”
“No, I can’t here. Can we meet on the roof early in the morning, before most people wake up?” He hesitates, as if he is about to say something, but the he just nods, “What did you want to tell me?”
“I just wanted to say that, Y/N, I-I lo-” He pauses.
“You what?” I look up at him, my heart racing. Just say it, please.
“That I-” He suddenly looks like he has changed his mind about something and he quickly says, “I am so proud of you Y/N.”
“Oh,” I look away from him, I feel so stupid, he wasn’t about to confess anything. Stupid girl.
“I should get back,” Eric says, “You should go have dinner now. I’ll see you soon.”
“Uh, yeah, bye,” I say. Eric turns to leave, but he suddenly turns back around and gives me a quickly peck on the lips and looks me deeply in the eyes, almost as if he is apologizing for something, then he walks away, leaving me a little sad and very confused.
Dinner had just ended and we had been informed that all of Dauntless would be getting some sort of needle. Eric walks up to me with a syringe in his hand, “What is it for? Why do we need to get these?”
“It’s a precautionary tracking device that is being injected into all the members of our faction,” Eric explains, I simply nod my head and turn it, exposing my neck to Eric for easy access. He brushes a few strands of hair off, and injects the needle, shooting me another apologetic look. What’s his deal?
“Alright Y/N, you should probably head to the dorms, you’re in for a long day tomorrow,” He says.
“I’ll see you on the roof I guess,” I sigh.
He hesitates once again before saying, “Y-yeah, I’ll meet you there.”
I feel someone shake my shoulders, “Wake up Y/N!”
“Tris?” I whisper, I see my fellow initiates all getting ready, they look almost like drones, “What’s going on?”
“It’s a simulation,” she sound worried.
“We just have to act like we’re under it as well. Do whatever they do I guess,” I say. Tris nods in agreement, and we head out with everyone else, following their lead.
We all stand in rows, Tris is next to me and Will is in front, when I hear someone questioning the leaders about what was going on. I see him out of the corner of my eye, a confused looking Dauntless member, and more importantly a Divergent. Max smiles at him, a sickly smile, then shoots him right in the head. I keep myself from jumping at the sound of the gun, telling myself that I’m supposed to be under a simulation.
Then I see Eric making his way towards me, away from the sight of the rest of the leaders, my heart speeds up and I focus my eyes straight ahead. He steps directly in fronts of me, filling the gap between me and Will. He looks me in the eyes, and I try to keep my expression neutral. He finally reaches down and grabs my hands in his, “This is literally the worst time to be saying this, I know you can hear me, and once you’re out of this sim I know you’ll recall this, I’m so fucking sorry this had to happen Y/N. But I don’t know what the result of this is going to be, I had to tell you now in case I never get the chance after this. I love you.”
He said it. He finally fucking said it! I desperately will myself to not respond and keep my dead expression. He literally told me at the worst time, I can’t even tell him that I love him back, if I do I’ll be fucking killed. Oh fuck you Eric!
He takes a deep breath and turns to walk away. I almost, almost, follow him, but Tris quickly grabs my hand, and I see her shake her head from the corner of my eye, so I stop myself.
We all get on the train and make our way to Abnegation.
I roam one of the alleys of the Abnegation faction, there is barely anyone here, but I still act as if I’m under the sim, just in case. I was separated from Tris on the train, and the group of soldiers I was with eventually dispersed. My thoughts are interrupted when I hear the cry of a small child and his mother around the corner. I quickly peek my head around, and aside from the Abnegation mother and son, the only person there is a Dauntless man, who is holding a gun to the mother’s head. Eric. He has his back turned to me, I can’t let him kill them, I quietly creep up from behind him, and put my own gun to his head, “Don’t you dare shoot them.”
He pauses for a moment, and then puts his gun down, hands raised beside his head. He slowly turns around and his eyes widen when he sees me, “Y/N? You’re-”
“Yes. I’m Divergent, Eric,” I spit out his name, “I can’t believe you would do something like this!”
He almost looks hurt as he whispers, “You have to listen to me Y/N, I didn’t want to do this, I truly didn’t, but I had to, you have to believe me.”
I did. I did believe him. I look into his eyes and whisper, “Okay.”
He looks at me with a hateful expression and spits, “The cameras can’t detect sound, so I just have to make it look like I’m angry. Put the gun to the back of my head and lead me to where I tell you. There are a few alleyways where Erudite was unable to install cameras.”
I lead Eric down a few turns, making sure there are no Dauntless soldiers there, and we eventually make it to a small alley where there are no cameras. Eric turns around to face me and I lower my gun, “Okay now what?”
He takes both my hands into his own, “So you’re Divergent? How could you not tell me Y/N?”
“I was going to Eric! I swear, that’s why I asked to meet you on the roof,” I say defensively, “But you’re no one to lay accusations on me, how could you do this. So many innocents are being killed because of these plans.”
“I have my reasons Y/N, I can’t tell you right now, the time isn’t right, but you have to trust me,” I nod, “so since you were never under the sim, I guess you heard everything I said back in the compound?”
“I did,” I smile and punch him in the shoulder, “you have the worst fucking timing Eric! Do you know how hard I had to try to keep up my act up?! Fuck you!”
He chuckles and pull me into his arms, “I love you.”
“I love you too Eric!” I lean up and kiss him, and for a while, I forget where we are, for a moment it is just the two of us in the whole world, holding each other, madly in love.
Eric finally pulls away, “Y/N, I have to go now. Listen, there is a hideout that some of the Abnegation have, go there and they will help you, I’m sure Tris will be there.” Eric tells me where to go and the secret knock that he overheard a few Abnegation talking about. He then bends down to the body of an Abnegation man, who is lying dead on the ground, and puts some of the man’s blood on his clothes and arm, I cringe knowing that he is trying to make it look like he killed me, “I really have to go now baby.”
He turns to walk away, and my eyes suddenly fill with tears, “Eric?” He turns back to face me, “Will I see you again?”
He inhales deeply, and then gives me a peck on the lips, “This will all be over soon Y/N.”
“That’s not what I asked Eric,” I whisper, trying to keep the tears from spilling.
“I need to go Y/N,” I breathe in sharply as he turns around and walks away.
“Eric?” I say just before he turns around the corner, he stops, keeping his back turned to me, “Be careful.”
He finally looks back and gives me a weary smile, “I will Y/N, you take care of yourself too babe.”
I see Eric disappear around the corner, and I let a single tear slip down my cheek.
I sit in the hidden room with a group of Abnegation, Tris, and Tris’ brother; I think his name is Caleb. We plan to go to Dauntless and stop the simulation.
Everything that happened after that was kind of a blur, leaving the safe room, getting on the train, going into Dauntless HQ. I was too busy worrying about Eric to care about what was happening around me, especially after Tris told me that she had shot him in the leg.
Now Caleb, Marcus, Peter, and I stand outside the control room, waiting Tris to come out with Four. I get fed up and finally go in myself, to help Tris. I see that she just shut down the simulation, one by one, the screens start to shut down, and we hear Dauntless guards coming. Tris and Four hurry me out of the room, just as I’m about to leave I see someone raise a gun at Eric on one of the screen, but the screen shuts off before I can see what happens.
“Come on Y/N!” Four yells at me, as Tris grabs my hand and pulls me out of the room.
We all get on the train and head to Amity, we are officially fugitives. I’m worried out of my mind about Eric, and I can’t stand seeing Four and Tris act all romantic, when my love life is such a mess, so I go sit alone in a corner of the train. I clutch the necklace that Eric gave me when I passed the first stage on initiation ranked in second place. Please let him be okay.
We’ve been in Amity for two days, and I haven’t heard anything from Eric. Johanna allowed us to stay here as long as we blended in with their members. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and get out my cot, heading out of the room I share with Peter and Caleb.
“What’s going on Johanna? What did you hear?” I hear Four say from around the corner.
“One of Dauntless’ leaders was killed.” She says. What?!
“Who?!” Both Four and Johanna turn to me.
Johanna looks at me with a calm, yet disappointed expression, “Y/N, sweetheart, you know it’s wrong to eavesdro-”
“Who. Is. It. Johanna.?” I say slowly, spitting out every word, stepping dangerously close to her.
She steps back, and Four grips my arm, “Just tell her Johanna.”
“Eric. It is Eric,” She says, not knowing my relationship to him.
I feel my heart breaking. My body feels like it’s being torn apart. I want to scream but at the same time, I just want to fall and not do anything at all. I find myself running. As fast as my legs can carry me, I don’t know how long I run, I don’t know where I go, but when I’m finally too exhausted to take another step I fall to my knees, I see that I’m surrounded by trees. I sit there for hours, just staring up at the sky; I watch its bright blue colour get darker and darker until its almost pitch black, I feel nothing at all, my mind and body are completely numb.
I finally pick myself up and make my way back to Amity’s fields.
“Where the hell did you go?!” Tris yells at me, gripping my arms, I don’t respond, “Y/N? Hello?!”
“Tris, leave her alone,” Four says, putting a hand on her shoulder, “Peter, can you take Y/N back to her room.”
Peter puts his arm around me and walks me back to our room as if I’m a small child. I lay on my cot, staring up at the ceiling until I eventually fall asleep.
The next few days are a blur, I spend most of my time sitting in my cot holding on to my necklace, sometimes I move to the floor, I barely remember eating or communicating with anyone. I haven’t thought of anything that happened, I haven’t let a single tear slip, and I’m afraid that anytime now, I will explode. Tris comes in and sits in front of me to give me one of her usual lectures.
“Y/N, you’ve been up here for days, you have to come down. Get it together Y/N, I know he’s gone, but you can’t let that destroy you,” She realizes that her words are having no effect on me and sighs, “Alright fine Y/N. But Amity is hosting one of their bonfires tonight, at least join us for that. If not for yourself then for us, and I know you know that Eric would have never wanted to see you like this.”
I know she’s right, I have to do this. Eric would hate me if he saw how weak I was right now. I will go to that bonfire tonight, and wherever Eric is, I know he’ll be glad that I’m trying to stay strong. I love you Eric. I miss you.
“What the fuck?!” I yell, clutching Max’s collar, “What the fuck do you mean she’s dead?!”
“Please Eric,” he chokes out, “Relax, just listen to me.”
“Relax?!” I practically scream, “How the fuck do you expect me to relax?!”
I let go of Max and he falls back on to his chair, I take a deep breath, trying to get a control over myself, “How did this happen? I want to know everything Max.”
“We found her body in the Chasm two days ago. You were patrolling the city, so we cremated her body. Her face was practically unidentifiable, we wouldn’t have known it was her if it weren’t for this,” Max reaches into his pocket, and hand me a small object. Y/N’s ring, she’d had it for years, I turn it over in my hand and see her name engraved at the back of it. Fuck no, this can’t be fucking happening!
My hand shakes and I whisper, “Do you know who did this?”
“Jeanine saw her being shot,” My eyes widen at this, Jeanine knew and didn’t tell me, “the face of the killer was covered, however, Jeanine had been able to detect the divergence level of the person. They are exactly who we’re looking for, the 100% Divergent.”
I’ll kill them, whoever the fuck it was, I will kill them!
I storm out of Max’s office and back to my apartment. I slam my door shut and smash the first vase I see, I then proceed to destroy any object I come into contact with. Once my apartment is completely trashed, I fall to my knees and sob, I haven’t cried in years, but I can’t do anything now, I can’t stop it. I sob until I feel numb. I eventually drift to sleep on the floor next to the couch.
I sit around a fire with Tris, Four, Peter, Caleb, and a group of Amity. They’ve been singing this entire time, and somehow, miraculously, I was able to push my troubles aside for a while, feeling slightly happy.
“Can any of you sing?” An Amity girl asks, gesturing towards us.
“Y/N can!” Peter says suddenly, damn his Candor ways.
“Sing for us Y/N!” Another Amity boy says, a few others agree with him. I quickly shake my head, not wanting to take part in any of this.
“Oh come on Y/N, sing for us,” Tris urges me, “Maybe it’ll help you feel better. Please?”
I decide that maybe it would help, so I do:
My voice breaks at the end. I can’t do this. I get up and run into the forest, falling down next to a tree. I finally let the tears come, I sob, I sob harder than I’ve ever sobbed before, I sob for what feels like hours. Peter finally comes to look for me, Four soon follows him. They both just sit on either side of me, not saying anything. I became good friends with Peter towards the end of the first stage of initiation, and Four transferred along with my brother, so he has always treated me like a younger sister. It feels good to have them next to me. I finally get up and Peter puts his arm around me, leading me back to Amity, while Four follows closely behind us. I feel a slight sense of relief, I finally allowed myself to breakdown, I finally let out all the emotion I was holding back.
I sit in the room next to the window, while Peter and Caleb sit on their individual cots. I stare at the moon, and hope that Eric is watching me from wherever he is, I miss you Eric. I love you; I wish I could have told you that, before you left. I only ever got to tell you once, but I want you to know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before.
I wake up before dawn; I go out onto my balcony, remembering the countless times that I spent up here with Y/N. I stare up at the moon, and I hope that Y/N is watching me from wherever she is. I miss you Y/N. I love you; I wish I could have told you that, before you left. I only ever got to tell you twice, but I want you to know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before.
It’s the middle of the day and I sit with Tris, Four, Peter, and Caleb in Johanna’s office. I hear Four mutter a curse, and we all look up at him.
“Dauntless,” He says back with wide eyes, “They’re here! Hunting for us!”
Johanna rushes up and tells us to stay hidden in her office, so we all huddle up in the back corner. A few minutes later, Four walks up to look out the window again. He turns back around and his face has gone pale, almost as if he saw a ghost. I exchange a look with Tris and walk up to Four to see what he saw, I look out the window, and I don’t believe his eyes. Eric.
My face breaks into a wide smile and tears slip down my cheeks, “He’s alive,” I whisper, “Four he’s alive!”
“And now he’s hunting us,” Four hisses, dragging me back to the corner.
“H-he wouldn’t kill us!”
“You don’t know what he’s capable of Y/N!” Four scolds me as if I’m a little child, “You will stay hidden from him Y/N. If he catches us, he may try to protect you but Tris and I will sure as hell be killed. And I’m sure you don’t want us to die because of your little love affair, do you?”
I can’t believe Four is blackmailing me like this; I look down and shake my head. I guess I can’t let Eric see me.
We hear Eric making his way into Johanna’s office, Four looks around the corner and down at him. Suddenly Four jerks his head back, “Shit! I’m pretty sure Eric just made eye contact with me! We’re done!”
To all of our surprise we see Eric turn around and walk back. Four takes this moment to usher us towards the window. We are just about to leave when Peter suddenly shouts, “They’re up here! Hey! Eric, they’re up here!”
What is he doing?!
Four quickly pushes us out the window, and soon enough, we are running through the woods and catching a train to who knows where. Eric didn’t see me, I didn’t let him, and now I fucking hate myself. I’m sorry Eric, I’m sorry.
The following day is spent with the factionless, and then we travel down to Candor to meet the rest of the loyal Dauntless members.
I’ve been in Candor for days now, and I’m currently sitting in my bunk ready to sleep. We hear a commotion going on somewhere in the compound, and Christina and I look at one another and decide to go find out what’s happening.
“How could you do that to her? She was your friend, she trusted you,” Eric hissed. What the hell was he talking about?
I close my hand around the knife handle and squeeze. Eric leans closer.
Dauntless attacked Candor, and Eric discovered my Divergence. He is now leading me out of the faction to turn me in to Jeanine.
“Just between you and me … I think
you might have gotten three, because you’re the kind of bullheaded person who
would refuse to make a simple choice just because she was told to,” he says.
“Care to enlighten me?”
I lurch forward, pulling my hand out of my pocket. I close my eyes as I thrust the blade up and toward him. I don’t want to see his blood.
I feel the knife go in and then pull it out again. My entire body throbs to the rhythm of my heart. The back of my neck is sticky with sweat. I open my eyes as Eric slumps to the ground, and then—chaos.
I run down the stairs to see what’s happening, as I walk into the room I see Tris huddled in Four’s arms holding a knife, explaining something to him, she gestures to the other side of the room and that is when I see him. Eric is slumped on the ground, he is covered in blood and by the looks of it, he has been stabbed. Fuck no! He is slipping out of consciousness, I run up to him and fall on to me knees, putting my hands on his cheeks.
“Eric! Fuck Eric keep your eyes open! Eric! Don’t you fucking die on me! Please?” I beg him, with tears streaming down my face. He doesn’t know I’m here. That’s when Candor’s leader Jack Kang walks up to me, explaining how Eric is one of Candor’s prisoners now, meaning he will get honourable treatment. They then take him to the hospital.
The Dauntless have decided that Eric will be executed today. Oh hell no, I will not let that happen. Eric sits on a chair in front of Tori, Four, and Harrison, Four holds a gun to his head, “Eric, be brave.”
I run forward towards Eric, finally revealing myself, I shield Eric’s body, “No! You can’t fucking kill him Four! You can’t!”
“Y/N, you’re alive?” Eric asks in utter shock.
“Y/N, get away from him!” Four shouts at me.
“No Four! If you want to kill him, you’ll have to kill me first.” I say confidently.
“No. Four.” I say slowly, “Listen, I’m not just doing this because I’m a psychotic girlfriend like you all think. Think about it, Eric is our only key to figuring out Jeanine’s plan. Don’t you want to know why Jeanine wants your girlfriend?”
“What makes you think he’ll tell us?” Tori asks me in a bitchy tone, “The man isn’t even afraid to die for Jeanine’s secret, why would he tell us?”
“Look around Tori!” I spit, “We’re in Candor. Put him under the truth serum!”
Realization strikes them all instantly, and Four and Harrison agree with me. We eventually get everything set up and Eric is put under the truth serum.
One by one, he is asked simple questions by Four.
“So why did you do it? Why did you take part in Jeanine’s plans?” Four asks.
“For her,” Eric points at me, what? “Jeanine threatened to kill her, she was on constant watch throughout initiation, and I had to do it to save her life.”
He did this for me. Me! Oh my god, I can’t believe this.
“So you didn’t want to do it?” Four asks.
“Of course not, I tried my best to not save as many people as I could. Why do you think I pushed the gun down towards my leg when Tris threatened to shoot me in Abnegation, I could have easily pushed it to the side. I let her shoot me so you two could escape. Then at Amity, I saw you in Johanna’s office yet I walked away, the only reason I had to go back to you was because Peter called me up there, the other soldiers had heard his call so I couldn’t back out.”
“You said earlier that you thought Y/N was dead, so why didn’t you stop after that, if you were only doing this to save her, why didn’t you stop after she died? Why did you come here and try to take Tris away?”
“I was told that she was killed by the one who was 100% Divergent, and that turned out to be Tris, I had to get revenge.”
“Do you regret what you did?”
“I did it to save her, so no. However, I do regret that many lives were lost because of my actions.”
“Do you have anything else to tell us?”
“I-I’m, no, nothing else!” Eric looks like he is struggling hard to keep a secret.
“What is it Eric?” Four asks more aggressively
He stays silent.
“Eric, please tell us. Please baby,” I beg him.
I drop the glass of water that I was holding and Four drops his gun.
“W-what?!” Four says, everyone is clearly as shocked as I am.
“Alright Eric, based on your confession, we, the members of Dauntless, have agreed to forgive you, as long as you join our side” Four says, “You can go now.”
Eric gets off his chair and walk out the door and onto the balcony. I run after him, and he turns to me, “Y/N! I’m so sorry, fuck I thought you were dead! I missed you so fucking much. I love you!”
I walk up to him and pathetically punch at him a few times, “Fuck you! You’re such an idiot Eric! You did this all for me, what were you thinking? Do you actually think I would have been able to live with myself if you had died for me?”
He pulls me into his arms, and we stand there hugging one another, until I feel wetness on the skin of my neck, “Eric? Eric are you crying?”
He takes a deep breath and pulls away from our hug, “I’m so sorry Y/N! I love you so much.”
“I know Eric. Its okay, I don’t ever want to see you cry again baby. I love you too,” and with that we kiss.
From now on, everything will be better, the war will end soon, and though our world may be fucked up, at least I have Eric with me. I don’t ever want to spend another day without him.
A/N: I’m sorry it that was so long, it was originally going to be split into three parts, but I got a little carried away :P Anyways, I’m also sorry that I haven’t posted in forever, but this took so long to write. I hope you enjoy it!