aree we gonna have a prob lem??? u got a bone to pick???? youve come so far, why now are u puallin on my DICK? I’D normally slap your face offf and every one HERE could wwwatch but i;;m feelin nice here;;;s some advice lissten up bbiatch (i like) lookin;;; HOT, buyin;; stuff they cannot (i likei) drinkin;; hard,, maxin;;; d ad;s creadit cards (i like) skippin gym, scarin her,,, screwin;;; him (i liakeo) killer clothes,,, kickin;; nerds in the nos e if u la ck the balls u c an g o play doells let your mommy FIX u ao sss nack (woah-oh) or u coau ld come smoke,,,, pouind some rum and cokke in my porsche with thei quarter back (woah-oh woah-oh woah-oh) honey what u waitin for??? welcome to my candy store time FOR u tto prove you;;rrre not a loser anymore and step into my candy store guys fall at YOUR feet, pay the check,,, help u cheat all u h ave to do,, say goodbye to shaomu that freaks not your friend, i can tell inn the end if she had you r shot,,,, s he would leave u to rot course if u dont care,,, fine,, go braiad her hair maybe sesamee street iis ON (woah-oh) or forget tthat creeep and g et in my jeep let;;;s go tear up someeone;s lawn (woah-oh woah-oh woah-oh) honey what u waittin for??? wwwelcome to MY candddy store yo u;;;ve just gout to prove you;re nout a pussy anymoure and step into my candy storre u can join the teammm,,,, or u can bitch and moan u can live the dream,,,, or u can die al one u can fly with eagles or if u ppprefer keep oin testin mmme,, and end uap liike her (veronica look,, r am invited me TO his homecomin party.. this PROVES he;s been thinkin aboaut me…. collor me stoked im so happy) (ooh woah) hoeney wwhat u waiutin foer (ssshut up heeather!!!!) step into my candy store tim e for u to prove yoaure not a LAME-ASS any more and step into my ccandy store it;s my candy store,, IT’S my candy it;;;s my caendy store,,,, its my cand y it;s my candy store,, it;s my candy store
Knowing when it’s time (guest post from Keith Doelling)
Dire situations often call for quick and drastic action. Still, when dire lasts a long period of time and becomes the new normal, it is hard to know when to change course and place it above all else. How do you manage your resources to be ready for the key moments? When do you sound the alarm? So when my mother called me on Thursday, Aug 31, 3 pm EST in a bit of a panic and said “You need to come home now.” Amidst all of my emotions was a sense of relief. That time I had worried about for 8 months had come: the decision made for me. Three hours later, I was on a plane with my fiancée coming back to CA to see my Dad in the hospital where we remain today. It was my mom, my uncles, my grandma who really had to grapple with this choice as the situation escalated quickly.
Dad came to Kaiser ER with concerns about internal bleeding. He had recently started blood thinners to handle a new clot in his right arm and saw what he thought were tell tale signs of potentially fatal bleeding. When they checked him out, they admitted him to the ICU right away. Not for bleeding but for intense difficulty of breathing. They placed him on oxygen assist and suspected rapid tumor growth which was later confirmed by the scans.
When we landed at SFO, my mom took us straight to the hospital. Ten hours after her call, we got to his room in the ICU to see him sleeping, but not peacefully. His breathing required strong contractions of nearly every muscle in his chest and each breath came with strong gasps as if the air he needed to survive was just out of reach. It seemed my dad was drowning on dry land.
The next day Dr. Ha prepared us for the worst-case scenario. Using so much energy for (not so) simple breathing couldn’t be maintained forever and the body would eventually shut down in a matter of days. Much of the breathing issues came from large amounts of fluid around the heart and lungs which restricted lung capacity and blood flow.
The fluid could only be relieved by placing tubes in the left and right chest cavity and around the heart to drain the fluid out continuously over many days. Three tubes to let out all of the pressure on his lungs and make his breathing more peaceful. The procedures were delayed by scheduling conflicts over a day before finally being completed.
Once all three were put in, a miraculous transformation happened. His breathing became much stronger and easier. He no longer needed oxygen assist. He has been able to get out of the hospital bed and sit in a chair for meals and even walk up and down the hall. He has been doing breathing exercises to expand his lungs and we are working on physical therapy exercises to improve his leg strength and keep him strong for as long as possible. Every day, he does his best to push himself to eat and stay strong despite lack of appetite and comfort. His push forward despite all that he is facing is truly inspiring.
But even as the procedures have been successful, his cancer remains a hard and relentless beast. He deals with intense pain in his shoulder and abdomen when he coughs and we don’t really know why. He is on pain meds that are often too strong (sleeping all day) or too weak. In the end, while his life has improved from the early days in the ICU, Dr. Ha’s prognosis has only improved slightly. He is faced with incredibly hard decisions: to keep taking chemo and place himself in more discomfort for long odds, or to rest and be comfortable with the remaining time he has. How do you know when it’s time to change course? To quit the struggling and live your final weeks peacefully. In the end, it is his and his alone to decide when his moment has come. We all will respect his choice to live his final days the way he wants to.
Perhaps the silver lining of this week has been spending our days with all of our extended family. Our hospital room is always the most crowded with his brothers, nieces and nephews, and a long line of friends who want to see him every day. He has said many times that the most important thing for him is spending quality time with his friends and family. His face lights up with each new visitor. No one can doubt the loving friendships he has made and the number of people he has affected throughout his life. To see the support we have from his whole community really helps him as he continues through this process.
Rippen wakes up every now and then to find that his nails are painted. If he’s in enough of a rush, he can’t take the paint off before school. Audry has never been happier, and notes that she needs to use a new color for the next time.
Zach’s one of my favorite people ever. His perseverance is rivaled by no other. A dude who grew up from a dysfunctional family in Kansas City, moved out to California on his own and worked hard to stand on his own two feet.