doe parker

anonymous asked:

I'm not transphobic but there's no way the transgendered peter parker headcanon would work in the way of physical appearance, there's no way a trans guy could every achieve the muscles that are required of Spider-Man or any superhero. I'm not transphobic, but you trans guys will always have feminine builds and it isn't realistic for you to say that transgenders could look like buff superheroes or even just strong men. Sorry.

okay putting aside the fact that you are blatantly transphobic despite how much you say “i’m not transphobic” and also putting aside the fact that while peter parker does develop muscle definition he is still known for being very small and lean even after being bitten by the spider, let’s just take a look at some trans guys who will never be able to have the physique of superheroes or of strong men in general:

and that’s just a few of the many trans guys in this world, some of which are fat, or skinny, or curvy, or muscular as fuck – you know, like any other human being. can cis people stop acting like they know shit about what trans people look like.

  • Wade: Yes but how do I know you're dating me for my heart and not my international criminal empire
  • Peter: Because your international criminal empire is what you do, not who you are.
  • Wade: That is so sweet I might just stab someone

It’s kind of creepy that Spider-Man Homecoming managed to depict high school better than every film about the X-Men, even though the most important location in X-Men is a goddamn school.

Like, Spider-Man Homecoming had female students playing Fuck, Marry, Kill, itself an acknowledgment that teenage girls can be as chatty about sex as boys are. It had a bully who acted like a bully because of strongly implied economic privilege (he’s the only kid we see who drives a car, which BTW is not his, it’s his dads) which is much more interesting than the typical jock archetype we normally get. It had a love interest who wasn’t just a pretty girl or a smart girl. It was extremely diverse with men and women of color abound, both for extras and in the main cast. Peter’s best friend was Asian. His main rival was Indian. His love interest was black. And the other primary female character who will probably be his lover interest going forward, also black.

X-Men doesn’t have much of that going for it. The school is a backdrop most of the time. It’s treated the same way as the Hellicarrier, or the Avengers tower, or the Batcave. We don’t really get to know a lot of the students all that much.  There are two characters in this franchise (Rogue in the first trilogy and Jean Grey in Apocalypse) whose central arc revolves around them being considered weird and an outcast in a school filled with weirdos and outcasts. And for a franchise built around being a metaphor for the prejudice towards minorities, the kids in this school are like 95% white. Hell, the best movies in the franchise all have very little or nothing at all to do with the school.

Yeah, not much more to really say. That’s pretty strange. These are two franchise that became extremely popular because they connected strongly with teenagers. AKA. high schoolers. And while one of them has (finally) committed to depicting as believable and relatable a school as it can for as many teenagers as possible, the other just treats it like a backdrop for the ‘real’ story and action.

anonymous asked:

OKAY WAIT BUT IF U DO A QUICK WHIP UP OF TONY TEACHING PETER HOW TO DRIVE I WILL CRY TEARS OF GOLD

“…Peter-”

Tony took a deep, steadying breath, and made sure not to move too erratically. “Peter… I don’t ever want to see you driving another vehicle again. Ever. I will burn your license if ever you get one. I will crush whichever car you put your hands on the steering wheel of. I will-”

“Okay, look,  I’m not that bad, and I’m still learnin-”

“WE ARE HANGING OFF THE EDGE OF A CLIFF, PETER!” Tony yelled, barely holding back on frustratedly throwing his hands into the air as he realised that might fucking kill them both.

Peter looked rather sheepish as he peered over the bonnet of the car, which was currently rocking precariously back and forth off the ledge. “It’s not exactly a cliff- like, we won’t die if we go over-”

“That is….that is so not the point,” Tony said weakly, shaking his head and then letting it fall back against the headrest, if only so it obscured his view of the steep edge they were possibly about to start rolling down. “Why did I agree to this? Why?”

“Listen, I’ll get us out, we just need to reverse, right?” Peter asked, hand moving to the gear stick.

Tony grabbed it before those terrible fingers could touch anything which would undoubtedly just worsen their situation, or possibly set something spontaneously aflame. “If you touch any instrument on this vehicle again I am going to push you down the cliff.”

“I really think you’re overreacting,” Peter said with a nervous laugh, but his hand, thankfully, didn’t stray any further.

Good. Ever since his ass had sat in the driver’s seat, it had just been a downward spiral of bad decisions and quite frankly terrifying manoeuvres- of course, the worst being the fact that Peter hadn’t fucking slowed down on the corner and ended up careering through the fence on the edge of the road, landing them in yet another perilous situation.

If looks could kill, Peter would have been toast at that moment. 

“You’re the worst,” Tony declared loudly, fingers gripping to the side of the car and back pressed firmly against the seat in a measly attempt to try and push against gravity, “the literal worst. I’m disowning you. If I die because you  failed to steer a car effectively around a bend, you best believe I will haunt your ass for the rest of my ghostly days-”

“Hey, look here, okay,” Peter began defensively, “I’ve seen the clips of you flying the suit for the first time, and that wasn’t exactly a roaring success either-”

“WHY ARE YOU SAYING THINGS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION?” 

“YOU TOTALLED AT LEAST FIVE DIFFERENT CARS AND THEN FLUNG YOURSELF INTO A WALL- I HAVE ONLY TOTALLED ONE CAR AND I’M NOT EVEN INJURED!”

“WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, BRIGHT SPARK, IF I LITERALLY FUCKING LEANED FORWARD AN INCH, THAT PREDICAMENT WOULD SOON FUCKING CHANGE.”

“SHOULDN’T WE BE CALLING FOR HELP RATHER THAN YELLING AT EACH OTHER?”

“YES, OF COURSE WE SHOULD- GET OUT YOUR GODDAMN PHONE ALREADY.”

Peter paused, and then raised his eyebrows. “Was I supposed to bring a phone? Because I…uh…didn’t.”


Tony shut his eyes and sighed. “Oh Good.”

actual things that happen in the Book of Mormon/why it is the most Extra™ musical ever
  • “Have fun in hell!”
  • *doorbell buzzes* “HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE RELIGIONS I HAVE A FREE BOOK WRITTEN BY JESUS”
  • Norway: land of gnomes and trolls
  • France: land of pastries and turtlenecks
  • Japan: land of soy sauce and Mothra
  • Elder Price’s lifelong dream is to get sent on a mission to Orlando, Florida, but instead he gets sent to Uganda
  • “UGANDA! COOL! ….where is that.”
  • Kevin goes along with the happy upbeat choreography despite feeling extremely ripped off
  • “well, he has a very active imagination–” “I LIE A LOT!” “no”
  • Kevin’s dad actually gets a random woman to dress up like someone in The Lion King and sing Circle of Life
  • “Personally I like Star Wars, but I’m willing to like Star Trek more if you think it’s better”
  • the writers probably only made Price’s first name Kevin because it rhymed with heaven
  • You and Me (But Mostly Me) aka every group project ever
  • Arnold tries to make a video diary
  • Josh Gad screaming
  • the entirety of Hasa Diga Eebowai (it’s such a jam though)
  • “Raise your middle finger to the sky and curse his rotten name!” “wait what”
  • “Well, let’s see. Eebowai means God, and Hasa Diga means, Fuck you. So I guess in English it would be: Fuck you, God!” “WHAT?!
  • Cunningham gets REALLY into it.
  • someone tries to fuck a baby
  • “But that’s horrible!” “I know!” “Hasa Diga Eebowai!”
  • everyone has AIDS
  • Nabulungi has the purest expression on her face while doing the most vulgar choreography ever
  • All the nicknames for Nabulungi, including but not limited to: Bambamchelfi, Jon Bon Jovi, Hockaloogie, Nagasaki, Nabagamba, Neutrogena, Neosporin, Nintendo 64, Nordstrom, and Nutella
  • Elder Poptarts
  • a fun, lighthearted tap number about repressing your emotions
  • Elder Thomas was out buying an iPhone while his sister was dying of cancer
  • “My hetero side just won” *thumps chest*
  • when the lights go down and when they go back up all of the Mormons are dancing and wearing pink sparkly vests. Including Kevin.
  • “Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes, then find the box that’s gay and CRUSH IT!
  • Andrew fucking Rannells had to have the words “no, no, i’m not having gay thoughts” come out of his mouth
  • the sound of tap dancing in the background as Elder McKinley leaves the living quarters
  • “There is no Bishop Donaghue! I made him up!”
  • arnold cunningham just wants his dad to be proud of him for once
  • Cunningham steals Price’s blanket despite having one of his own
  • Nabulungi uses a typewriter as a texting device
  • Cunningham has a panic attack when he sees that there’s no doorbell
  • Gotswana has maggots in his scrotum
  • “what the fuck is a steak knife”
  • General Butt Fucking Naked
  • Nabulungi, one of the purest characters in musical theatre, singing “soon life won’t be so… shitty”
  • AFRICA IS NOTHING LIKE THE LION KING.
  • “So he crawled up on that cross, and he stuck it out” hjdhfjqgfhnjs
  • Elder Cunningham hip thrusting to rock metal
  • “YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER” *stabs Darth Vader*
  • “Heavenly Father, why do you let bad things happen? More to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me?”
  • “We will listen to the fat white guy”
  • right as Act 1 ends, Gotswana reminds us that he has maggots in his scrotum
  • “i know you’re really depressed, what with all your AIDS and everything,”
  • Arnold’s conscience consists of his father, Joseph Smith, Moroni, hobbits, and Yoda
  • arnold convinces everyone that fucking a frog is the solution to all your problems
  • clitoris
  • Boba Fett
  • Kevin mistakes hell for disneyworld
  • Elder Price has spent his life plagued by guilt over blaming his brother for eating a donut with maple glaze when he was five (5) years old
  • Elder Price has a nightmare that he gets sent to hell and Jesus calls him a dick
  • spooky wooky
  • Hitler makes an appearance, because of course he does
  • Elder Price thinks abandoning your mission companion is worse than serial murder and genocide
  • McKinley dancing seductively with the red boa
  • Jeffrey Dahmer and Kevin’s dad having anal sex
  • McKinley blowing Hitler
  • the music stops just so Kevin can scream that he can’t believe Jesus called him a dick
  • “That would take something… incredible” *spotlight on Kevin as his head whips around to face the audience fast enough to get whiplash*
  • Andrew Rannells licking his lips every other line at the Tonys
  • “AND I BELIEVE THAT IN 1978, GOD CHANGED HIS MIND ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE” (“BLACK PEOPLE”)
  • Elder Price forces General Butt Fucking Naked to dance with him
  • baptism is a euphemism for sex
  • “I’M WET WITH SALVATION”
  • A song called I Am Africa sung by the whitest people ever with the whitest choreography ever
  • Elder Price actually gets the Book of Mormon shoved up his ass
  • “let us smile and laughrica”
  • Elder Price drinks twelve (12) cups of coffee because he’s lost all faith in the Mormon religion
  • just fucking. planet orlando
  • orlando (reprise)
  • “I’m Joseph Smith, and I’m going to fuck this baby!” “WHAT”
  • Moroni from the Starship Enterprise
  • “Will you fight the clitoris man?”
  • magical fuck frog
  • “Let’s be really fucking polite to everyone!”
  • the dysentary sequence
  • Jesus wanting everyone to fuck each other and everyone wears HUGE dick garments
  • “SHE’S GONNA GET HER CLIT CUT OFF AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT”
  • Nabulungi convinces everyone that Elder Cunningham was eaten by lions and then Cunningham walks in and they’re like “HE HAS RISEN”
  • “If you do not get out of this village right now, he is gonna command the Angel Moroni… from the DEATH STAR… and unleash the KRAKEN! Which will then…” “Which will then launch Joseph Smith’s TORPEDOES from its mouth of CHRIST and turn you into a LESBIAN!”
  • the fact that that somehow scares off General Butt Fucking Naked
  • elder price says fuck
  • “my name is Elder Butt Fucking Naked.” (brief pause) “did you know that the clitoris is a holy sacred thing”
  • The book of Arnold
  • the last line of the show is literally Gotswana singing “I still have maggots in my scrotum!”

If they make a movie with Tom Holland’s Spider-Man and Deadpool can we please have Wade trying to babysit for the Avengers and Peter being a Very Difficult Child, causing a ton of chaos and stuff
Because that’d be funny and way better than any other Spideypool when it involves those two
And I can definitely see it being a possibility

“Considering I just saved your life…yes.”

“You saved me from a bicyclist.”

OOO

idk about you guys but i rlly liked michell e