doctor strange quote

Stephen: Tony, what the fuck are you doing?

Tony: Oh, well, I made this 14 year old kid a suit kinda like mine so he can go and almost die multiple times a week.

Stephen: Interesting… and what brought you to this experiment?

Tony: Oh, thank you for asking! Y’know how I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time, and I have no outlet for it.

Tony: So, y’know.

Tony: Peter.

Tony: That guy doesn’t even know we’re fucking

Stephen: I literally just told him you were my partner

Tony: Yeah, ‘my partner in crime’

Stephen:

Stephen: I can never bring you anywhere, can I?

Tony: Not with that attitude you can’t

Peter Parker: I’m Peter by the way

Stephen Strange: Doctor Strange

Peter Parker: oh, we’re using our made up names,then I am Spider-Man

Stephen Strange: *wonders how he ended up babysitting this kid*

*On Titan*

Thanos: Today I kill both you and your son, Stark.

Tony: Wha- Peter’s not my son!

Thanos: Wait, really?

Dr. Strange: But it makes so much sense. I mean, what other kid could stand you?

Drax: I also thought Earth Peter was your child but Quill told me not to say anything.

Tony: Alright, raise your hand if you think Peter is my son.

*Everyone raises their hand*

Tony: Peter put your hand down.

Peter: Yes da- i mean, Mr. Stark.

Stephen: *cracks knuckles*

Tony: is that supposed to intimidate me?

Stephen: *fingers light up like glow sticks*

Tony:

Peter: ˢ ᵏ ʸ

  • Meanwhile inside the soul stone...
  • Peter: Dumbest scar stories, go!
  • Strange: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
  • Wanda: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
  • T'Challa: See this little scar on my arm? I got that when Nakia dug her nails into my arm during a sad movie.
  • Sam: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
  • Quill: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
  • Peter: Well I have a few scars on my arm from crashing my skateboard.
  • Bucky:
  • Bucky: I have emotional scars.
  • Peter: Tony just accidentaly threw a cheese grater at my head so I left and he yelled "come back here you ungrateful child" while laughing hysterically
  • Peter: Update Stephen just told me that if I had even a 'shred' of decency I would go back in there
  • Peter: Update #2 Tony apologised and told me he had only done it for the 'grater good'

Peter: You know what? I think this is the best day of my life! I mean I went to space, met some wizards and aliens, did something from the movie Alien, fought bad guys with Mr. Stark, gotta new suit, and became an Avenger! Despite all the faults it’s been one of my finest days.

Stephen: We literally died and are now stuck in the Soul World.

Peter: Stiiiiiilllll.

  • Wong: *watching the Avengers and Guardians turn into dust through a portal in the safety of the Sanctum*
  • Wong: this is so sad alexa play single ladies.
  • Steve, to Bucky: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?
  • Bucky: I don’t know, how are y-
  • Stephen and Tony, simultaneously from across the room: I’m doing great, thanks for asking

The Real Civil War

Strange, holding a broken coffee machine: Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Mantis: … I did it. I broke it.

Strange: No. No, you didn’t. Drax?

Drax: Don’t look at me, look at Quill.

Quill: What? I didn’t break it!

Drax: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Quill: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Drax: Suspicious.

Quill: No, it’s not!

Thor: If it matters, Stark’s son was the last one to use it.

Peter: What?! I don’t even drink that crap!

Thor: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart?

Peter: I was gathering sugar packets for Mr. Stark‘s morning latte!

Mantis: Let’s not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it.

Strange: No. Who broke it?

Gamora: … Rocket‘s been awfully quiet.

Rocket: Really?

Gamora: Yeah!

(everyone’s yelling ensues)

*later*

Strange: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.