do you like poached eggs

Terrible Pick-Up Lines Meme
  • "Do you know what would look good on you? Me."
  • "Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face."
  • "Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?"
  • "Hey, want to play house? I could be the door, and you could slam me all night long."
  • "How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"
  • "I do floors, doors, windows, and you."
  • "I wish you were a screen door, so I can slam you all day long."
  • "If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?"
  • "Is that crotch sweat, or are you just happy to see me?"
  • "If I was a skateboard and you were a ramp, I would grind you all night."
  • "If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you."
  • "If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?"
  • "I’m tired. You’re tired. Let’s sleep together!"
  • "Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked."
  • "Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down."
  • "Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, 'Fuck it'."
  • "My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it."
  • "Remember my name. you'll be screaming it later."
  • "Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let's go screw."
  • "That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd be coming, too."
  • "Wanna play some football? We can both be skins."
  • "What are you doing tonight? Besides me?"
  • "Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under."
  • "You are what you eat, and tonight I want to be you."
  • "You must be a cold shower, because I'd love to be inside of you."
  • "You must not have air conditioning because I'm your fan and you're turning me on."
  • "You remind me of my pink toe; you're small, you're cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on my coffee table later tonight."
  • "You wanna go skinny dipping in my water bed?"
A compilation of the pick up lines i've "picked up" over the past year

Are you a red light because stop.

me after sex: hey how much xp did i just earn

Are u spagghetti cause i want you to meat my balls

Sending ur selfies to NASA cause ur a star

*leans against wall*
*sips a capri sun*

“bro do you lift”
“yeah dude how did you know”
“because you lift my heart whenever you’re around”

Twinkle twinkle little star
We can do it in the car.

Hey girl how do you like your eggs in the morning?
Scrambled, poached or fertilised?

Hey girl are you a banana?
Cause i find you appeeling

Mario is red. Sonic is blue. Press start to join and be my player 2

Are you liquid eyeliner because I want you all over my face

Are you Stacy’s mom because you’ve got it going on.

Hey girl are you from the netherlands?
Cause amsterDAYUM.

Are you made from copper and tellurium?
Cause you look really cu-te today

If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes

Our love will burn hotter than the Great London Fire.

I’d like to buy a vowel, I’ll take u

Do you have 11 protons? ‘Cause you’re Sodium fine

Somethings rising and it ain’t Jesus

If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.

Are you a beaver, because DAM!

If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.

You’re so hot, when you eat bread, you poop out toast.

Are you

Did you read dr seuss as a kid? Cause green eggs and DAYum.

Do you play Quidditch? Because you’re definitely a keeper.

If you were a fruit
You’d be a FINEAPPLE

Were u forged by Sauron?
Because u are fucking precious.

Hey are you my appendix? Because im not quite sure how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

Hey babe, are you an ant eater? Because you sure do know how to tongue my hills.

Bromeo, oh Bromeo

I love you…No homeo

Are you nemo?
Cause i wanna touch the butt

I think heaven must be missing an angel cuz there’s a dead angel and you’re holding a bloody knife also you are attractive.

I wanna do dirty stuff with u like farming

Im learning about dates in history, wanna be one of them?

I want a pizza that butt

Why be rude when you can be nudeo

I less that three you

If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing i’ve come up with

Are you a dementor cause you take my breath away

You’re so hot I could bake cookies on you

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

Are you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect

I like Legos, you like Legos, why don’t we build a relationship?

If I were a cat I’d spend all 9 lives with you

If you were a vegetable you’d be a cutecumber

Have you been to the doctor lately? Cause I think you’re lacking in vitamin Me

Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you

Can I have directions? 
[To where?]
To your heart

Are you a parking ticket cause you’ve got fine written all over you

I was feeling a little off today but you definitely turned me on

Do you know what my shirt is made of? Girlfriend material

Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m digging that ass

From 1 to 10 I rate you 9 and I’m the only 1 you need

Is your name Ariel because I think we mermaid for eachother

Do you know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u

Are you craving pizza because I’d love to get a pizz-a dat ass

I’m no photographer but I can picture us together

I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

Are you a ghost? Because your boo-ty is out of sight

Do you like Harry Potter because you can slytherin my bed

Woah girl, are you from France because maDAMN

Did you sit on a pile of sugar? Cause you’ve got a pretty sweet ass

I may not go down in history but I’ll go down on you

Our love is like dividing zero you can’t define it

Are you made of copper and tellurium because you’re CuTe

You like sleeping? Hey me too we should do it together

If you were homework I’d do you

Do you work at McDonald’s because I want you in my happy meal

Are you a tower because Eiffel for you

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again

Are you going to kiss me or do I need to lie to my diary?

You look a lot like my next boyfriend

Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number

You must be a banana because I find you apealing

If you were a triangle you’d be acute one

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back

You must be the square root of one because you can’t be real

I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart

Man your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night

Do you have a mirror in your pocket because I can see me in your pants

Do you have a bandaid because I just scraped my knee falling for you

Girl if you were a dinosaur you’d be a gorgeousauras

If you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple

Are you religious because you just answered all of my prayers

I need a map because I’m lost in your eyes