do you know what ice cream means

Types of Girlfriends

Aries: Plays hard to get. Fun not serious. Insults you a lot, but does it out of love. Will gush about you to other people not to your face

Taurus: Giggles and gets embarrassed a lot. Shy. Wants to hold you and make sure you’re okay. Random texts telling you they love you

Gemini: Is more responsible to you than they are for themselves. Shows they love you through action not always words. Wants to tell you a million things but scared

Cancer: Makes sure you’re safe. Tries to make you laugh. Happy. Random mood swings. Needs encouragement to not be so reserved

Leo: Clingy. Isn’t afraid to be super weird around you. Doesn’t give a fuck about what others think about your relationship. Random touchiness

Virgo: Needy. Doesn’t like PDA. Tells you about everything. Calls you dumb but loves you to the ends of the world. Lots of hugs

Libra: Very reserved. Very low-key about the relationship but will be there for you to the moon and back. Will hold you while you cry. Takes you on random trips

Scorpio: Plays hard to get until they realize how bullshit the game is when you’re in a relationship. Ride or die. Will punch someone in the face if you insult their s/o

Sagittarius: Shares their music playlist with you. Expects a balance between space and communication. Lowkey about relationship. Chill dates (eating ice cream by the street, naps)

Capricorn: Knows what they want but scared to do anything. Clingy but doesn’t show it. Doesn’t like others to be clingy. Playful punches

Aquarius: “I’m a queen treat me like it”. Wants constant affection. Will mother you. Loves taking you places

Pisces: Wants the best doesn’t expect any less. Isn’t clingy but wants lots of love. You’re their best friend and lover

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

How The Younglings Sticked It To Palpatine

So, I just got a pretty weird idea about a fic I’m never going to write. Though, I present the prompt to your collective insanity to crackify it even more. 

@forcearama @albaparthenicevelut @lurkingcrow @resistancepilots @tygermama @asokatanos 


Imagine Knight Anakin Skywalker who was put on probation (something about blowing up a building, Obi-Wan, making things go boom is a legitimate strategy!). A part of his punishment is to teach a few lessons in the Créche. Anakin awaited a horribly booooring afternoon with a bunch of kiddies.

Well, it showed up that the lessons were on galactic politics and kid version about “Why the hell do we even fight a war.”

The thing is, that the only way Anakin knew anything about the legal side of politics was Obi-Wan’s unorthodox style of teaching via presenting his Padawan with completely surreal situations which he had had to analyse with laws.

Surreal situations such as seceding the Republic.

“Imagine, kids, that you really, really don’t like a thing. Like tubers for lunch.”

“Ew!”

“Tubers, yuck!”

“We hate tubers!”

“We want ice-cream.”

“But they won’t give us any.”

“Exactly. Now, your caretakers won’t do anything about it despite your protests. So, you declare that you don’t find their authority beneficial anymore, and you write it down. That means that you don’t have to listen to them anymore, and you can do whatever you want. Well, at least what is legal in your new state.”

“How do you write the paper?”

“Well, everything that you need to know is in the Planetary Membership Act.” Anakin was proud he remembered the exact law. A couple of younglings rushed to the datapads. Aw, youth! Look at their enthusiastic lil’ faces!

When he came back the next day with Ahsoka for another lesson, the younglings surprised him when they locked the door behind. And barricaded it with the furniture.

He looked around the tiny forms, all of them beaming with self-satisfactory smiles. One of them, a little Twi’lek girl beamed with pride when she stepped to him, a piece of flimsy in her hands.

“Oh, no….” Ahsoka sighed. Anakin had no idea what was going on.

“Yes, little one?”

“We have declared a new state!” the girl said, handing him the flimsy. “Welcome to Créchestan, President Skywalker!”

“What the…” He eyed the flimsy. Oh force. Oh force.

“Well… At least you know how to write legally binding documents, don’t you,” he gulped.

Obi-Wan’s going to kill me.

transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017.
Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.

I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.

I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through.
To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started.

As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.

Keep reading

My Kind of MariChat
  • Chat and Marinette hanging out as friends and talking about their crush struggles with each other.
  • Chat not saying who he likes, because he knows that Mari is best friends with the Ladyblog girl and he can’t risk Ladybug finding out how he feels through the Internet. How tacky!
  • Mari not saying who she likes, because she’s afraid Chat will see her love for Adrien as just a celebrity crush. Also she has a tendency to malfunction when speaking his name aloud.
  • Chat giving Mari advice about how to calm her anxiety and be more confident when talking to her crush.
  • Mari giving Chat advice about how to come across as more genuine and less flirty when talking to his crush.
  • The two being 100% oblivious.
  • The two practicing on each other and totally NOT blushing  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • The two encouraging and pushing each other to ask their crush out.
  • The two making a pact to do so the very next day.
  • Mari going up to Adrien at school and remaining 50% calm as she asks him out for ice cream.
  • Adrien internally screaming because he didn’t realize Mari had a crush on HIM and now he feels like a jerk.
  • “OH, uh that sounds like it’d be a lot of fun, but I can’t eat ice cream… model diet, you know?”
  • Marinette trying to recover. “Oh, right. Well, uh…what about a movie?”
  • Marinette regretting her decision the moment he says “Look Marinette-”
  • Adrien trying. “You really are an incredible girl and it means a lot to me that you’d even ask. I just- I already have feelings for someone else.”
  • Marinette accidentally blurting out, “Who? Chloe?”
  • Adrien not knowing whether to laugh or gag. “No, no, no! She uh, she doesn’t go here. You wouldn’t know her.”
  • Marinette thinking that it’s probably some gorgeous model.
  • Marinette sending only one text to Alya instead of her usual 50.
  • “He likes someone else.”
  • An akumatized villain showing up at the absolute WORST time.
  • Chat Noir noticing that his lady is off her game for some reason.
  • Ladybug noticing that Chat is making fewer puns for some reason.
  • Chat pulling her away from the press after the battle.
  • “My lady, I need to tell you something… I love you.”
  • Marinette’s gut clenching because HOW did she not realize Chat had been talking about HER and then she’s reminded of Adrien’s rejection and she’s overwhelmed by hurt and confusion and guilt and-
  • BEEP BEEP go the earrings.
  • “Chat… this isn’t a good time. I- I have to go.” 
  • “Then meet me tonight on the Arc de Triomphe at 11 o’clock.”
  • Ladybug just nodding before she swings away.
  • Chat trying not to be discouraged.
  • Marinette checking her phone after she detransforms.
  • Alya: “Oh girl. I’m so sorry.”
  • Alya: “Are you okay?”
  • Alya: “I’m mandating an emergency sleepover tonight. Just you and me.”
  • Crap.
  • Marinette trying to “go to bed” early so that she can sneak out and meet with Chat.
  • Alya making her stay up because it’s a Friday night and “you promised me we’d watch Moulin Rouge”.
  • Chat somehow managing to set up a candlelit dinner on the Arc de Triomphe because he’s a hopeless romantic.
  • Chat pacing back and forth with droopy ears as it gets later and later.
  • Chat growing incredibly disheartened as he picks at the food and thinks about how he rejected Marinette only to be rejected by Ladybug.
  • Mari worrying about Chat and crying over Adrien.
  • Chat finally heading home around 1:00 AM but stopping when he sees Mari on her balcony. 
  • Mari feeling awful and tearing up when she sees Chat.
  • Chat feeling awful when he sees how upset Mari is.
  • The two hugging and crying and realizing how much they hate seeing the other hurting.
  • The two trying to comfort and encourage each other.
  • Mari telling Chat how funny and brave and kind he is.
  • Chat telling Mari how talented and beautiful and endearing she is.
  • Mari and Chat looking into each others eyes, each wondering if they’ve been pursuing the wrong person all along.
  • Chat leaning in slowly and kissing Mari.
  • Mari kissing back.
  • Alya opening the trapdoor and screaming.
  • The End (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

anonymous asked:

CAN YOU DO A FRIENDS TO LOVERS AU FOR 17'S MINGYU PLEASE?? THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WRITING BTW

seungkwan (here) |  dino (here) |  jeonghan (here) | hoshi (here) |  jun (here) | 
seokmin (here) |  wonwoo (here) |  joshua (here) |  woozi (here) |  s.coups (here)
minghao (here) |

  • cornball friends since you both said dogs were your favorite animals on the first day of middle school and everyone else was like ‘sharks, cats, tigers, blah blah blah’ but u and mingyu were firmly like dogs. dogs r the best
  • kinda ended up being class clowns without even trying everyone knows you guys are always losing stuff, tripping over stuff, and ofc arguing over who is the more dorky person
  • and middle school turned to high school where everyone was convinced you were going to date each other
  • because you’re the dog loving clutzs who would always buy ice cream for each other on the way home no matter how many arguments u had in class when u were kids
  • but high school,,,,,,also meant mingyu getting taller and hotter and less dorky more ,,,,,social
  • until you were sure he had a friend group too big,,,,,too big with no room left for you
  • and you didn’t take it to heart,,,you can’t be middle school friends forever waiting for each other outside the school gates making fun of mingyu for spilling ice cream on his overalls and then him pinching your nose in defense 
  • nope you both were seniors now and no one thought of you guys as the dog loving couple anymore,,,,,,,tbh you’d kind of become estranged
  • what with mingyu suddenly being considered one of the most handsome boys,,,,,,becoming close with the other heartthrob of the school wonwoo and even star athlete minghao
  • so at some point you made your own other friends,,,a new circle of people,,,,,,and every now and then one of your friends would jokingly point out mingyu surrounded by admirers and tease like “wasn’t he your boyfriend in middle school?”
  • that is until summer comes around and everyone is nervous for graduation 
  • and you find yourself trying to clean out your locker only to find an old dusty photo in a notebook of you,,,,and mingyu,,,,,hands around each others shoulders when he was still your height,,,,,
  • and you smile sadly but tuck it into your bag only to close your locker and get slightly shocked to see mingyu leaning against the one beside yours
  • a coy smile on his face,,,,,which is more handsome than ever and you want to say you hate it but you don’t,,,,,,,you never could
  • and you’re like “yes?” and he’s like “i found something cleaning my locker out too.” and you’re like ????
  • only to see him pull out a photo from his pocket,,,,the same one you’d just found and you give him a look of confusion
  • and mingyu laughs and is like “did you think i wouldn’t have it? this is my favorite photo of us,,,,,,because we don’t have any together from high school,,,,”
  • and u bite back ur tongue from being like well why do u think that is but u just shrug and say u need to go
  • when you feel his hand on your wrist and ur like ?? and he’s like “i,,,,,do you want to get ice-cream with me?”
  • and for a moment you’re sure he’s joking but you see the flicker of hopefulness in his eyes that you remember he’d have when u two were young
  • and somehow you can’t say no,,,,,,and you guys end up walking out of school and toward a truck near a park where mingyu orders his favorite flavor and yours from memory
  • and when he hands u the one u ,,,, go “you remembered?” and he laughs like ofc,,,,,i remember everything. when we met and u said ur favorite animal was a dog like me and everyone else said we were boring. that time u tripped over my foot in six grade and i laughed so hard i ended up tripping over a jump rope on the floor. oh - that time you got ice cream on your overalls on a trip to the zoo-”
  • “the ice-cream on overalls was you mingyu, not me”
  • he scrunches up his nose and is like “nooooo it was totally you” and you giggle like nope ! i never owned overalls,,,,but you did
  • and mingyu seems to freeze and reevaluate his whole life in this spot which just makes you laugh a bit harder
  • and as you continue walking,,,,,mingyu and you share more memories and it’s like,,,,,you never stopped being friends????
  • but sitting on the swings in the park,,,,you think that did it happen - did you stop being friends?
  • and mingyu tells u ur cone is melting but u just look at him and quietly,,,,, “why weren’t we close in high school?”
  • mingyu seems taken aback,,, but at the same time his face softens and he looks down
  • and even tho mingyu’s grown to be so big and strong for a second he looks so small,,,,,and sad there
  • and before u can tell him to forget the question he raises his head and goes
  • “because you stopped looking at me.”
  • and you’re like ?????? what and he straightens up and is like “when we got to high school,,,,all these people wanted to be my friend,,,,,,and it was nice but when id see you,,,,,,,id smile and look but you’d,,,,never look back at me,,,,,,,i thought - i thougt you’d found out,,,,,”
  • and ur like ??? found out what????
  • and mingyu swallows looking off to the side,,,his profile pretty in the summers setting sun
  • and then he says something you never thought you’d hear
  • “i thought you found out that i like you,,,,,,”
  • and ur like wait?????? you like me????? and mingyu blinks,,,
  • because yeah,,,,,,,,he likes you
  • he’s liked you since middle school and everyone knew and the first year of high school everyone said you two would date - because wasn’t he being obvious
  • and ur like ????? no????? and mingyu is like gkfhsd was i  supposed to get down on one knee with 5000 roses for u to know???
  • and ur like WELL,,,,,,you never i never admit these things but im kinda dense ok mingyu you know this ,,,, 
  • and he’s like wELL im dENSE TOO I THOUGHT YOU WERE AVOIDING ME THROUGHOUT HIGH SCHOOL
  • and you’re like NO????? I  JUST?????
  • and you’re both like ???????? @ each other because
  • ofc,,,,,just like in middle schools you guys are two blubbering clumsy kids except this time not like literally,,,,,but emotionally
  • and mingyu finally settles himself and is like,,,,,,,,well now you know,,,,coughs
  • and ur like i do,,,,,,,,
  • and he’s like w,,,well what do you think???
  • and u think for a second before moving your swing closer,,,, leaning toward mingyu to press a kiss near the side of his lips
  • and he’s like ?????? does this mean you like me too-
  • and ur like oh no there was just some ice cream there and i wanted to eat it
  • mingyu: are you kidding, are you seriou-
  • you: nO oh my god yes i like you too ,,,,,,
  • mingyu: ok good u need to be more direct obviously we’re both oblivious as heck
  • you:,,,,,,true but also you did have some ice cream there -
  • mingyu: i like you so much but PLEASE
Misdialed Call (Part One)

Summary: After an overall bad day, you call your best friend to rant and to vent. But when you accidentally misdial, you end up talking to a complete stranger. What you don’t know is that this stranger may not be a stranger at all. He may even be the world’s first superhero. (Drabble Series)

Author’s Note: Hey guys. I’m back from my hiatus. I’ve miss you guys so much. I hope to continue writing for a while now that midterms are over and done with. I hope you guys enjoy this series and thank you for everything!
Also, special thanks to Combat Anon for the idea of this series!

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 934

Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain

Keep reading

STRANGE SENTENCE STARTERS —— for the creative writer in you. Send these in and see what your partner comes up with as a scenario!

*These are completely interchangeable, they’re just in categories to make it easier for all of y’all.

FOR AMIGOS;

  • “How many times are you going to do that, exactly?”
  • “You were right. As per usual.”
  • “Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines you’ve drawn until you’ve crossed them.”
  • “You’re surprised because you have a soft spot for hot blondes.”
  • “Is that – that’s a naked Scarlett Johansson on your fridge.”
  • “You can stay, but for no more than two nights.”
  • “Please don’t look in this drawer. Please.”
  • “I told you not to pick him up, he’s very sensitive.”
  • “Yes. I might have given you rabies. But in my defense, that’s ridiculous and I didn’t.”
  • “I’m sorry, my cell phone data coverage does not cover the bullshit zone you’re in.”
  • “Hey! Give me your pants. Quick, give me your pants.”
  • “No, I’m serious. Stop it right now or I won’t give you the last cookie.”
  • “You think I’m kidding. But I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
  • “How much would a stripper cost and why so much?”
  • “I’m going to buy you a drink. Next week. On Thursday. When I get paid. Can you swing this one?”
  • “Hippos are hungry, hungry! And you are considerably larger than a small piece of lettuce!”
  • “When I was little, I used to be afraid of mummies. And now look at me. I love dead people!”
  • “I don’t even miss my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, I just miss my glockenspiel.”
  • “It happens to everyone, you just sell your skirt for some coke.”
  • “Please do not pull your pants down in front of baby Jesus.”
  • “That’s not the phrasing you want to use.”
  • “Because nothing says heterosexuality like a gold sash.”
  • “Please don’t take it out on my boobs.”
  • “When it gets really windy I look like a bizarre combination of Marilyn Monroe and Cousin It.”
  • “We have to change our names and run away to Mexico. It’s the only way. Adios.”
  • “How much money do you have on you?”
  • “Please tell me that’s a raisin and not a tiny hamster shit you’re eating.”
  • “Life is a lot better when you put things on your head.”
  • “For someone who’s not very deep, I’m incredibly not shallow.”

FOR LOVERS;

  • “I need you to remind me what it feels like to love you.”
  • “I love you. What? No I don’t. Forget I said anything.”
  • “I need you to tickle my feet but like, sexually.”
  • “If we got married, would I have to take your last name? Or could we just make up a new one?”
  • “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
  • “I heard you say his/her name in your sleep last night. Want to explain or should I just leave?”
  • “I want to spend the night with you tonight. But I also want to sleep on your side. And without you on the bed. So technically I just want your bed.”
  • “Please don’t be proposing to me in an empty parking lot.”
  • “Stop saying you’re sorry, you stupid fucking broken record. It’s done.”
  • “I’m not jealous, I’m curious. About the things you were doing. With him/her. Without me.”
  • “Your mother’s looks could kill. Actually, are you sure they haven’t before?”
  • “If you’re breaking up with me tonight, can I at least eat first?”
  • “Stop sweating. It’s not attractive during sex, and it’s not attractive now.”
  • “Are you – are you checking me out? In the line for the confessional?”
  • “We have to go. I might have told your mom I’m pregnant. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not.”
  • “So what you’re saying it that you’re snorting sugar to get excited for sex.”
  • “My dog licks better than you do.”
  • “But through every stupid thing you do and say – and those are a lot, by the way – I love you.”
  • “I don’t care if you’re growing another head. I’ll talk to both of them. I love you.”
  • “And I’d take fifty years of not talking to you for just a day of doing so. I promise that’s a compliment.”
  • “I don’t want to hide this anymore. I’m not some dirty little secret, you American Reject.”
  • “This is a bit too dramatic for my taste, so can we skip it and have sex instead?”
  • “I don’t want you to think of me as your personal sex toy.”
  • “Thanks and all, but that makes me feel like a low-class escort, so.”
  • “A kiss in exchange for every nice thing you say about me. Deal?”
  • “Promise me you’re not like him/her. I need to hear it from your mouth. Promise me.”
  • “Look, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not ready to let you in just yet. Anywhere.”
  • “Don’t leave me here. Anywhere else, okay, but not here.”
  • “I wish I could say that was the worst sex I ever had, but I’ve had worse.”
  • “I just blew you. Could you look a little happier about it?”
  • “I’m attracted to shiny things, so if it looks like I’m staring at your chest, it’s because I am.”

FOR TEXTERS;

  • [text] This is upsetting my poop.
  • [text] Hey, are you up? If you’re not, can you wake up? I need some help.
  • [text] So it involves feces and large birds.
  • [text] She said that to you? Why?
  • [text] Please come back. I miss you.
  • [text] What are you good for if you’re not gonna bring me ice cream?
  • [text] Can you ignore that last text? It wasn’t meant for you. I’m sorry.
  • [text] …did you just send me a nude?
  • [text] FUCK OFF YOU ONE-EYED WHORE.
  • [text] I don’t know why I said that.
  • [text] Leave it to you to fuck the simplest of requests up.
  • [text] Do we have to go to their wedding? He’s only my first cousin.
  • [text] How much does ‘I love you’ mean to you?
  • [text] I am not stalking you. But you should do something about your bathroom, it’s gross.
  • [text] Please. I need this so badly.
  • [text] I trust you completely.
  • [text] I’m a genius. You’re a peasant. Everything makes sense again.
  • [text] Hey, buddy! Got like, five hundred bucks I can borrow? Times ten.
  • [text] She lost it. She completely lost it. She said her uterus was attacking her bone marrow.
  • [text] I will not get you donuts.
  • [text] Please? I love you.
  • [text] I think I’m gonna go to sleep now, but you keep thinking that.
  • [text] I can’t say this out loud. They might be listening.
  • [text] I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t think he’d duck when the ball came at him, I’m sorry.
  • [text] You’re cute.
  • [text] I just need you to understand how important you are to me.
  • [text] Fuck off.
  • [text] Okay. Guess we’ll leave it at that then.
1,050!
  1. We are hounds of God.
  2. He slammed on the breaks, his hand slamming across her chest to keep her from smashing forward
  3. This is Marcos, that’s Leo. Don’t trust anybody else in this place, and if you need something from outside, ask them.
  4. Turn your body when you punch, gives it more power.
  5. My apartment isn’t a storage facility, y’know…
  6. His idea of helping is to give you a passport and plane ticket, and tell you to stop bothering him
  7. You think so little of yourself  
  8. I don’t do secrets if they don’t benefit me anyway
  9. “What…? Are you going to jump?”
    “That’s the plan.”
  10. That’s the most sexual handshake I’ve ever seen
  11. You better watch that hand, boy.
  12. “It’s her own fault that she didn’t do anything of herself!”
    “No, it’s not her fault!”
  13. You have no idea how much you put her back.
  14. “I’m thinking of taking my old job back…”
    “Robbing people?”
    “What? No, man…”
  15. God, she’s gonna murder Chloe if she opens her mouth one more time to say something stupid
  16. I don’t care what you did, you understand? It’s not my business in anyway.
  17. Have you worked a day in your life?
  18. “No… Oh my God, tell me you didn’t…”
    “He won’t report it. The man has more warrants than I have family left.”
  19. Get a haircut you little monster.
  20. “Where you going?”
    “I have work. Meet me in library at 2?”
  21. “Are you gonna drink the whole bottle?”
    “Lost the cork, what else I’m supposed to do?”
  22. I had to threaten to kill over half of them for them to come here, but hey, nobody needs to know that
  23. “I’m sorry.”
    “No need to be, sweetheart. Are you still cold?”
  24. Their leader didn’t give much change to mistakes
  25. “Why do you say it like your pain doesn’t matter?”
    “Because at end of the day, somebody has suffered more than me.”
  26. “Are you drunk?”
    “Hardly ever.”
  27. “Why’s Marcus walking like that?”
    “He tried to do a cannonball to inch of snow.”
  28. I don’t know why I’m eating, I’m not even hungry
  29. Are you supposed to bring a present to a funeral?
  30. “How did you started working for Harry?”
    “I ran over him and he offered me a job. Easy.”
  31. Can you blow the candles next time you leave the room?
  32. Why does your voice sound like gravel?
  33. Would such a man pistol whip an eleven-year-old?
  34. You’re not even supposed to drink caffeine.
  35. Were you gonna stab me with a spoon?!
  36. This is wicked magic. It’ll bite your ass faster than you can ever imagine
  37. Is putting me behind bars not enough? You had chain me to a wall too?
  38. Keep him screaming, Nik. I want someone to call the cops
  39. The one time I need it to rain in Portland it doesn’t
  40. I wish to speak with you, my darling.
  41. “You’re gonna die alone!”
    “Everybody dies alone, you fool”
  42. why’s the woman yelling outside
  43. “Is this legal evidence?”
    “You and I have different meaning of legal, counselor”
  44. Did you manage to punch him before he got arrested?
  45. Let’s pretend we didn’t just break about sixteen laws in five seconds
  46. Any change that you can
  47. Oh shit, he’s a big fella, call Emma. I don’t wanna fight him.
  48. You want your kid back? Better confess to murder of that little girl or soon your son goes to fight a big men’s war in Uganda
  49. “Why are you sleeping on the back of the ambulance?”
    “Didn’t find any other place.”
  50. “What did you give to him?”
    “A illegal horse tranquilizer from China. Knocks you out in five minutes. I don’t know how he’s even standing anymore.”
  51. Hey fucker, my porch lights are not on! Fuck off!
  52. You managed to find a only gun store that doesn’t have Chicago’s 78 hour wait?
  53. “It’s not that easy”
    “Well it’s not that complicated either”
  54. I just inhaled chocolate cake. This is the best way to die
  55. I have to wear two sports bras to even think about exercising
  56. Where do you think I do at 2am? Taco bell, bitch
  57. I may not know your name but this won’t be your dying day
  58. The lady of modern day Edinburg pierced the knife through her heart and hoped the spell had worked
  59. That stupid grin on his face is almost enough of a reason to hit him
  60. “I read the police report, you know.”
    “Then you know what happened. So why are you bothering to talk to me?”
  61. Why aren’t they finding anything?
  62. God why the hell I’m so hungry? I haven’t done anything…
  63. “She has about four hours of air left.”
    “Who do you know?”
  64. “Why’s she’s screaming?”
    “Some kind of ritual. I think she’s a witch.”
  65. I got a headache for acting like I actually cared about his options
  66. “Why are you on my couch?”
    “I’m trying to come up with a plan to get your brother out of the trouble with Chinese mafia.”
    “Oh… Well you’re welcome to stay if you like.”
  67. I’ll call him. Let’s hope that he’s still in Barranquilla… And not in a ditch with cocaine blocking his nose.
  68. “He’s still looking for you.”
    “What does that mean? Are you in trouble?”
  69. “There’s dinner in the freezer.”
    “Ice cream is not dinner. But thanks.”
  70. Yes, I will break it, don’t let me touch it
  71. What was I supposed to think, you left giggling out of the room!
  72. I didn’t think I could fuck up so badly. I’m honestly quite amazed of myself.
  73. Don’t make the lie more complicated.
  74. “She had enough evidence to put him to jail for the rest of his life.”
    “Why didn’t she?”
    “I think part of her still believed in family that time.”
  75. I don’t wanna start begging, but I swear to God I will.
  76. How long have you waited to do that?
  77. Happy’s missing three teeth, Kevin has had his face purple for the past two weeks, and Rigg probably has lost half of his intelligence just hanging out with you guys!
  78. You can stop avoiding me, alright? I know what happened, so call me.
  79. I don’t know what your father taught you, but mine taught me how to take a beating.
  80. “You just let her walk out of the front door?!”
    “We didn’t know it was her!”
    “How the hell you didn’t know that! Her face is plastered all over the news!”
  81. “God, I don’t want to talk to you right now”
    “Well you have to. Does your shoulder hurt?”
  82. ”What the hell happened?! I though you promised not to lay a hand on him, no matter what he does!”
    ”Oh shut up. He started waving a knife around, I just made sure he didn’t poke his eye out.”
  83. I don’t know how she’s even moving after that.
  84. Don’t let me slam her face in, because I swear to God I will do it if she keeps talking
  85. “You want my jacket?”
    “This smells like weed, dude.”
    “It’s not my jacket so don’t blame me.”
  86. “Is this stolen?”
    “You want to see a receipt?”
  87. “What… Why are you checking your pulse?”
    “I just wanna make sure that I’m still alive.”
  88. I thought this was supposed to be one of those easy jobs!
  89. Don’t make it obvious that you’re an asshole, put your shirt on.
  90. You put on hell of a fight, I hope you know that.
  91. Do I get a list of rules when I go there or do I just have to be on my good side?
  92. They don’t look so happy… You think we should apologize?
  93. I don’t think you should eat something that has been in your apartment as long as that has.
  94. “Show me,” he whispered, starting to pull down the zipper of her hoodie. “It’s just a bruise…” She tried to push his hand away, but she was backed against the corner and the painkillers had stopped working, so even breathing was painful.
  95. You’re still replying my texts so it can’t be that bad
  96. “You’ve never been a man with few words.”
    “I only need few perfect words.”
    “And what are those?”
    “Marry me.”
  97. Looks like you’ve started finally to listen to me.
  98. I can feel the hair on my ass standing up
  99. I know all your dirty tricks… I know every step before you even take them
    .
    He’s my brother. I’ll always take his side before anybody else’s.
  100. When you decide to come in, there’s pepperoni pizza in the oven
  101. He seems to like avoiding you.
  102. It doesn’t matter how hurt she is, she’ll try to get up and fight. It’s her nature.
  103. I would have come to the wedding but the nurses threated to tie me down to the bed if I even try to rip off the tubes and stuff… but you know, congratulations.
  104. “Now you’re just being mean.”
    “I think the word you’re supposed to use is… a tease.”
  105. Are we just going ignore that the maniac just drank the whole bottle?
  106. She definitely has the balls to do it, no question about it
  107. I got concussion from a door. I ended up at ER, explaining that the door viciously slammed against my face, sounds great doesn’t it
  108. “How did you get mom here?”
    “I gave her two hundred bucks to stay the whole thing.”
    “What?!”
  109. If she starts to poke my chest again, I’ll walk out and leave you there to be tortured
  110. She grew up on lies. Either it was from her mother’s mouth or from the man who she always thought was her father.
  111. “Who long have we known each other?”
    “About fifteen years. Give or take. But that doesn’t mean I trust you.”
  112. Can you pull my shoulder back in?
  113. He’s going to kill you. He’s so going to kill for doing that to her.
  114. You used to be so much better at lying.
  115. Stay down! Don’t get up!
  116. “Do you believe in love with first sight?”
    “I don’t believe in love.”
  117. She had warned him and after he started pounding on Jon the third time, she didn’t think twice for making him bleed.
  118. Touch my brother and I’ll make sure that you won’t be able to move you hands an inch afterwards
  119. I know my limits. I know how much pain I can take before I pass out or can’t move. I know my body.
  120. “Nice underwear,” he pointed out with a smirk, expecting Alex to start pulling her shirt to cover herself, but she surprised him by pulling the top over her head. “Oh wow.”
  121. Are you asking for a permission? Because if so… I might just give you one.
  122. “People might just start to think you’re obsessed with me.”
    “Are expectin’ me to deny it?”
    “I might just have to start calling you my stalker then…”
  123. Prove me wrong then! Prove me that I can trust you, that you won’t fuck me over the second I drop my guard!
  124. “Can you stop sleeping in my bathtub?”
    “Why? Is so much better than the bed you made me sleep.”
  125. Do I need to tell you everything I love about you?
  126. Are you a predator or the prey?
  127. My mom found your bra in my freezer, why the fuck?
  128. I don’t remember if I ate today so… wanna go grab Thai or something?
  129. I told it was faster this way.
  130. I’m not great at driving when someone is trying to kill me!
  131. I’m gonna borrow your suitcase, mate! Your clothes are under the bed if you need them!
  132. This is not a taco. This is just disgusting.
  133. He pointed at me with a tattooed finger. “I’ll call you.” And then he was gone.
  134. “I thought you’d never drop down your guard.”
    “Consider yourself special.”
  135. You’re younger than me and you’re rocking in your rocking chair like old man
  136. “I don’t want fancy dinners or restaurants!”
    “Great, I’ll take you to the fanciest bar I’ve ever been in.”
  137. What was I supposed to do, huh? He punched me first, Bret!
  138. You’ll break your neck eventually by doing that
  139. You were literally falling while you were sleeping
  140. You used to have a longer hair than me, Phil!
  141. You look surprisingly angry while chewing gum
  142. We’re going to try push them back a bit, get Ricky to the truck!
  143. I think I might just kidnap you if you don’t get next week off.
  144. Fucking pew pew motherfucker
  145. My temper tends to land me in trouble more than often.
  146. You wanna know why she did it?
  147. She thought that maybe her nightmares would stop.
  148. You need to tell him. He deserves to know.
  149. “Brock? Where the hell are you going?”
    “Who the fuck does he think he is?!
  150. I learned at very young age that being quiet kept you alive
  151. I’m not that good with people who only disrespect me, I’m sure you understand.
  152. Of course I’m scared
  153. Her body was covered in mostly small scars and burns. The price of stupidity, her nana said. She didn’t care that much, the biggest burns on her back were mostly covered by tattoos, just like the whip scars on her abdomen and upper back.
  154. They should never put the crazy ones in the same room
  155. One thing he would never do was to stay down when somebody said so
  156. The look in his eyes was something raw and too familiar. She saw herself in him, and she hated that more than anything.
  157. They had been lucky that cops hadn’t looked in the back alley when they came to break up the bar fight. They would have had an easy arrest, the four who had started the whole fight inside were slumped in line against the brick wall of the next building.
  158. Kneeling before her were the men that didn’t believe in Gods. Her army.
  159. Just because his back is turned doesn’t mean he can’t hear you.
  160. This world is filled with more terrifying things than death
  161. You are meaningless. We all are. It’s our to change that.
  162. Don’t rely on happy endings
  163. It has been rumored for weeks.
  164. She’s a veteran in this business, she knows how to play.
  165. You’ve a have a gimmick of being a lost cause.
  166. I’d appreciate if you apologized in person
  167. Men starts wars, women end them. That’s just a fact.
  168. Every damn time I talk to you, I’m more convinced that you’re an actual alien
  169. You are just hurting yourself by doing that.
  170. Didn’t you two had enough already!?
  171. “She refused the help of the medics -”
    “And you just let her?!”
    “I didn’t think she could slip out, she couldn’t even walk by herself!”
  172. She hoisted her brother to his feet again, “You need to stop picking fights with them.”
  173. Goddammit, don’t just leave him laying there!
  174. So… this is how she spends her Fridays. Collecting debts for a mob. Nice.
  175. She decided that throwing a toaster at me was the best defense
  176. I mean she slapped him hard enough to break skin
  177. Keith! Stop shooting people in the living room!
  178. “What if I press the big red button? Will I start a war?”
    “That’d flush the toilet.”
  179. Don’t get him all fired up. I’m gonna be the one who has to calm him down afterwards
  180. You have two jobs in this family. To watch that Iain doesn’t do anything that lands him back to prison and that Shawn doesn’t disappear again.
  181. How did we ended up like this? Two against an army of thousands
  182. “Are you a coward?”
    “I’m a survivor.”
  183. Why are drinking milk out of my shot glasses?
  184. “Why is my boyfriend covered in blood?”
    “Why are you not asking him?”
    “Because he’s a lying asshole.”
  185. He cracked his gloved knuckles before knocking on her door
  186. God… stop with the undying love bullshit. Maybe there is some sort of love but nothing lost forever.
  187. “Do you even remember his name?”
    “I know it started with M, I think.”
  188. “I know you ain’t listening anything,” Johnny sat in front of her, tugging her other earbud off.
  189. With cigarette clenched between her lips, she wiped the coffee off her fingers to her ripped jeans
  190. “I don’t take no for answer, so…?”
    “That makes you sound like an asshole, you know that right?”
  191. He couldn’t help but to look at her through the mirror, she was trying her best to wipe off the eyeliner and mascara smeared on her face, she was a mess. But this woman was his mess.
  192. I don’t think it’s wise to look directly to their eyes
  193. Let’s play a game of stupid and a moron
  194. She laid on the hot concrete, blood dripping down her cheeks. Her temper had gotten her into a fight, was that a surprise in anyway?
  195. How far are you willing to go to convince that you’re alright?
  196. I don’t have a bra on, please don’t make me run.
  197. Can you stop smiling when people hurt you? It makes you look like a crazy maniac
  198. Allan lifted Sam with ease up to the table, tangling his fingers in her hair. “You are more stupid than I thought,” he whispered, running both of his hands through her hair.
  199. They watched the man carefully, like he was a time bomb ready to explode
  200. Wake up, kid. I need you to wake up, I can’t carry you if you don’t.
  201. She picked up a man twice her side. That’s power
  202. Didn’t anybody teach you not to taunt a trained MMA fighter
  203. “Your father wouldn’t want this.”
    “He probably doesn’t wanna be death either, so does it really it matter what he would have wanted from me?”
  204. “Are you lying?”
    “Through my teeth.”
  205. You wanna do this here or do we go somewhere were your friends can’t see me murder you?
  206. I’m not sure why you seemingly needed to share your weaknesses to me, but God… You made a huge mistake.
  207. I’m sure that this will backfire on me, but let’s pretend that we don’t know that already
  208. How the hell are you so pale? You live in Florida!
  209. I don’t think they should be here. They just manage to get into trouble.
  210. God that sounded better when I was rehearsing it.
  211. She wanted to forget the shit of a life she had
  212. Would it be such an immensely horrible thing if I just accidentally hit him?
  213. Past is supposed to stay in the past, especially her past.
  214. Just keep him angry. Please do that to me, I want to see him finally explode.
  215. “Pendejo!” Rosa shouted, slamming her hand flat against the table. “You have some serious problems!”
  216. Right information is very important in this line of work, son.
  217. “Fuuuck! We’re so damn late from his bullshit party!”
    “Oh shut up, we are only fashionable late.”
  218. Put your seat belt on. No? I ain’t driving anywhere before you do.
  219. Why the fuck did you bring your kid? I’m not babysitting!
  220. I think my hair is dying
  221. “Where are you?”
    “South of Houston, why?”
    “John left me to fucking Taco Bell, I need a ride.”
  222. My ass has feelings!
  223. If I found drugs on your brother’s room, can I keep it?
  224. Who the fuck put soy in my coffee?!
  225. That is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever seen.
  226. “I’ve have a vivid imagination.” He purred in her ear.
    “Then you can survive few more days…” she whispered back, pushing him away.
  227. Shit, she’s quicker than I thought…
  228. Cut her loose, her hands are turning gray
  229. You keep avoiding the subject. It a simple question, and I just need an answer.
  230. Ricky had lost his legs in Iraq, but still every time the national anthem came on, he propped himself up a inch or two.
  231. I know you have a high tolerance of pain, but this is ridiculous!
  232. That woman is as crazy as they come.
  233. He hadn’t expected for Mia to lunge forward, every intention to break Seth’s arms. Joe managed to step between them before her fist would bash against the younger man’s face, he had to pick her up from the ground as she almost hit him to face. V
  234. “You can’t handle me,” she purred, her fingers sliding to inside his jacket pocket, with intentions to grab his wallet. Hank was only smiling, grabbing her by the wrist, “Maybe I don’t want to.”
  235. Vinny had told many lies in his life, and only about two out of every fifteen had some truth in them.
  236. She hadn’t even realized she was angry before Tyler wrapped his hand around her lower back, leaning down to ask if she was alright.
  237. Is he old enough to play paintball? Or maybe laser tag?
  238. Alan watched as she wiped the sweat off her face, eyeshadow and eyeliner wiping down to her cheeks. “You enjoy staring at me?”
  239. I don’t think I did anything wrong
  240. He hadn’t seen her smile in the two weeks he had been here, but now that she did, it was one of the prettiest things that he had seen.
  241. Wes had curled himself in the smallest ball that the 6 feet 5 man could
  242. “You’re naked.”
    “Good eye, darling.”
  243. He looked great in the tailored Dolce and Gabbana suit, shame that he would have to die in it
  244. Sometimes the worst decisions lead to best outcomes
  245. ”What counts as medical emergency?”
    “Your whole body is a medical emergency!”
  246. What were you expecting? She’s a kleptomaniac
  247. You can cut off her arms and legs, but she won’t stop.
  248. She had found a perfect place between the top of the lockers and the ceiling, it was great place to sleep.
  249. I think we might just be alright..
  250. She might just be your worst nightmare
  251. Sascha gave a grimacing smile before clearing his throat. “We will consider your offer.”
  252. She circled her hand over the small back of the eight-month old, whose face had turned bright shade of red from endless crying. “Kiddo…”
  253. “Were you trying to break his back?”
    “To be honest I was trying to get him off my ass.”
  254. Sid plucked the cigarette from Colby’s lips, dropping it to the half-full wineglass. “Keep taunting me…” she leaned down to whisper in his ear from behind, “And I’ll make sure that your tongue is cut off.”
  255. Bastian lived on the edge. Quite literally. He lived in rusty van on edge of a cliff, maybe hoping that someday the car would drop to the rocks and he would be inside
  256. Thank God for waterproof makeup….
  257. This is for everybody who never supported me. Because I didn’t need you in the end.
  258. She didn’t want to cry. It wasn’t any more about not wanting show weakness or pride. She just didn’t want to be sad anymore

Big shout out to @ofpoemsandprompts!​

DEH Characters As Things My Friends Said At The Mall
  • Jared: No, I'm not hitting on you, I was talking about cannibalism.
  • Connor: I hate everything. What triggered it? I'm sitting in a crowded food court full of humans. What do you think triggered it?
  • Evan: I didn't know what to order when the waiter came so I just picked something and this is way too spicy but I'm going to eat it anyway.
  • Alana: We're getting weird looks. What did we do? I mean, I know we did a lot of things, I just want to know which one specifically people are staring at.
  • Zoe: Should I save this half a cup of ice cream for my brother? I know it's melted, but he's not picky.
  • Heidi: No, I'm paying for the ice-cream because I feel bad.
  • Larry: I have no idea where my family is, but if you really want to find them I can help.
  • Cynthia: Well, I'd rather just not say the Asian word than butcher it to death. The waiter got what I mean.

anonymous asked:

What kinds of parents do you think each house would be?

Gryffindor:

The accidentally maybe too laid back ones that take you out to “ice cream for dinner” dates. They sign their kids up for several activities and want to participate in all of them. They aren’t great at helping with homework, but definitely spend a lot of one on one time getting to know who their kids are as people and facilitating them as much as possible. They try to make their kids as self-sufficient as possible early on, which sometimes means their kiddo makes it to school without a lunch. They may not be great at providing absolutely everything their kid needs, or being the most responsible of adults, but they are present in their kids lives, always cheering them on.

Hufflepuff:

So. Much. Love. Hufflepuff parents are full of love for their children, and will accept them for anything. They want what’s best for their child and want them to be able to make their own decisions, but will get super strict about safety things (seatbelts, etc.). They will want to do everything for their child, but know that’s not a good idea because they want their child to grow up into someone who can take care of themselves. That’s a lot harder than it sounds and they may baby their child more than they mean to.

Ravenclaw:

Projectssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

Ravenclaw parents are very set on letting our kids be themselves and rolling with whatever personality traits and interests they develop. 100% support. We’re probably not the best with schedules. Not like forgetful necessarily, we just tend to like a looser way of dealing with things. We’re open to adventure and exploration. GUIDANCE. Sitting down and just talking about life is our specialty, and we love to see our kids flourish and make their own discoveries. 120% chance that the kids grew up with an eclectic taste in things. Music, art, food, you name it, they’ve been exposed to it. And we’re embarrassing in all the best ways because we’re not afraid to be ourselves. 

Slytherin:

Tough love. We’re the ones who want nothing but the best for our children, and we will make sure that they have it. We have high expectations for our children, and we want to see them succeed. Sure, this may make us seem controlling or over-domineering at times, but everything is an attempt to teach a necessary lesson and discipline. But you’re not alone. If you are struggling, we want to see you make it on your own, but we really do still want to help. And if somebody else messes with you, we want to see you stand up for yourself and if you can’t HOLY CRAP THEY BETTER WATCH OUT BECAUSE OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND NOBODY MESSES WITH FAMILY BECAUSE WE LOOK AFTER OUR OWN AND THE SNAKE AINT AFRAID TO STRIKE. 

We also like family dinners and schedules. 

Gross 2D headcanons part 4
  • He has weird sayings like “you know what I mean, jellybean?” and “time flies like chicken pies”
  • He still ties his tie like a school boy, even if he’s going somewhere smart. That is, if he even wears a tie
  • He picks his nose with his tongue A LOT
    •  Like he’ll be ordering in McDonalds and he’ll just start doing it and he’ll be asked to leave
  • He goes to children’s playgrounds a lot and has gotten stuck in the baby swings more than once
    • He gets stuck in the slides a lot too, particularly if they’re curly ones
  • He still has stabilisers on his bike
  • When he hears the ice cream truck he’ll sprint out and beat the other kids out of his way to be first
  • He cuts in line a lot and when someone calls him out on it he’ll just turn away and pretend he doesn’t hear them
  • He fucking expects everyone to want his autograph or a photo, so if someone goes “excuse me sir” he’s like “yeah, it’s me, from Gorillaz. You want a photo?” and the person is just like “oh uh…ok nice to meet you, it’s just you left your change in the self check out machine in Tescos”
  • He has a really bad aim when he pees
    • He pees in the pool as well
    • He also pulls his trousers down to around his fucking ankles when he uses a urinal
    • That’s when he doesn’t sit down to pee
    • One time he was so drunk he sat down in the urinal to pee
  • He turns his underwear inside out to avoid washing them
  • He has no shame when it comes to jerking off like you could be lying next to him in bed at midnight trying to sleep and the mood will strike and the meat will get beat
  • Sometimes when he jerks off he can’t be arsed to wash his hands so he’ll just wipe his spunk on the wall or on the side of the bed
  • If he gets a nosebleed sometimes he can’t even be bothered to get tissues so he’ll just keep wiping his nose on his hands and arms until it stops bleeding

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Tree Tattoos

Summary:  Whenever you turn 16, whatever happens to your body happens to your soulmate’s body. Connor Murphy’s soulmate loves trees and flowers, but is also suicidal and anxious. He writes reminders about how they should take their medications, and that today was going to be a good day.
He’s paired up with Evan Hansen, the boy who he tried to get away from after signing his cast, in Biology 2. He offers to hang out after school, and Evan accepts.
The sad thing is that everything flips there.
Word Count: 7.1K
Trigger Warnings: self-harm, mention of suicide attempt, and panic attacks.


Fifteen tattoos were littered all over Connor’s body.  They were small, and he had been getting them since he was 16, and his mother wrote out a thing saying he had parent’s permission to get tattoos.  Cynthia only did that because all the drawings were soulmate markings.

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Broken - Part 2

2,500 Followers Oneshot

Summary: Jensen and the reader had an amazing night…until the condom broke. Not happy with the way things went down, Jensen surprises the reader when he shows up at her house.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 1,597

Part 1


“The shit I get myself into.” Jensen grumbles to himself, absentmindedly grabbing the brim of his hat and spinning it around.

Tired and annoyed, Jensen’s at a standstill in the ice cream isle at Whole Foods. His greenish hazel eyes have been darting back and forth, trying to decide which brand of ice cream would be best for breakfast.

Inwardly groaning, the actor snaps his eyes shut realizing just how ridiculous that sounds. A fact like that should maybe deter him from pursuing a girl like you. Something perceived as cute and quirky could easily be a red flag in disguise. With his luck, you probably entertain some sick habit like collecting human teeth in the back of your closet.

Jensen’s ridiculous train of thought is interrupted by a text from Gen, thankfully she’s an early riser. He breathes a sigh of relief once your address is in his hands. It’s quickly chased away when a shit ton of nerves overtake him.

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BTS Reaction: They talk about your insecurity in an argument

Request: Hi dear! 💕 Can I ask for a Bts reaction? With them saying a mean thing (hitting one of your insecurities) they didn’t really think during an argument and immediatly saying sorry after seeing your surprised/sad face. I’m sorry if this is hard 😰🌸💖

A/N: I’ve been looking forward to writing this, thank you for the request anon! ^_^ xx

Jin:

Originally posted by bangtaninspired

It had been such a silly little spat, you two hardly ever argued but maybe that’s what made the fact he said what he did hit you so much harder. The minute the words left his mouth your face turned grave, tears teetering, threatening to spill as time seemed to move in slow motion. ‘Jagi… Jagiya please look at me’ he would whisper, to ashamed of himself to speak properly. ‘Y/N I’m so sorry you know I didn’t mean to…’ he would rush all of his words, desperate to reconcile before he made things any worse. At that moment he honestly felt like the scum of the earth for hurting the one person he loved more than anything.

Yoongi:

Originally posted by infiresfan

Yoongi didn’t use his words often so when he did, they cut like razor sharp glass. As soon as the words fumbled from his lips he felt his stomach churn, not even daring to look at you as tears fell from your cheeks, the air knocked from you entirely. ‘Y/N...’ was all he could get out, speechless at how low he had stooped to use your own insecurity against you. He would have to take himself away from the situation, let it sink in that not only he had messed up big time but possibly lost your trust, using the biggest thing you trusted him with against you. That thought alone caused his heart to tear just a little.

Rap Monster:

Originally posted by thedurst

The consequences of what Namjoon had just done would weigh heavily on him immediately. He was supposed to be on your team always, the one you could always turn to and feel comfort in, not the one that tore you down. ‘Y/N, words can’t even describe how sorry I am… you know I think you’re perfect it was just in the heat of the moment…’ he dropped to his knees in front of you, so your hung and heavy head could meet his eyes, to try and show you how sorry he was, not that even he was sure he deserved your forgiveness.

J-Hope:

Originally posted by jhopingforhoseok

The moment he saw your tears, his would emerge to, a mixture of both regret and anger at himself weighing on him in equal measures. He was sure you would never trust him again, he wasn’t even sure you’d ever want to see him again, all he could think to do was wrap you in his arms and pull you against him tight, whispering soft apologies into your hair through the tears on his cheeks. He held you tight, like you would break if he let go, or worse, leave.

Jimin:

Originally posted by sugaglos

‘Y/N I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it was so wrong. You know I don’t believe that, I say dumb stuff all the time, you’re the smart one!’ he would scramble at his words, trying desperately to say anything and everything to make up even 1% of the damage he’d done just with a few single, venomous words. Maybe he was toxic, maybe you were better off without him he thought. ‘Baby you know I think you’re kind, clever, beautiful, sexy, elegant…’ he’d carry on, bringing your chin up to greet the sincerity in his eyes.

Tae:

Originally posted by cmtae

The immediate defense he’d jump to is humor. To counter the slump in your shoulders and the anguish in your face he’d do anything and everything to try and make you smile again. In that moment, all he wanted was to be the reason for the happiness he so treasured in your eyes, instead of the painful spike of hurt he was seeing now. ‘Jagi! Aw c’mon jagi you know I didn’t mean that! Hey! Maybe we should go and get some ice cream! You remember that one time I fell over… near that restaurant… please just look at me… I love you…’

Jungkook:

Originally posted by imaginesbts

I’m not sure he’d quite know how to handle what he’d just done, he’d just know he had to back track and take back everything he said if he could. ‘No no no babe please don’t cry… I never want you to cry because of me ever, I’m sorry I said that it was my stupid mouth running off, I promise I’ll try and do better and be a better person for you because I love you, every part of you and never ever want to see you like this ever again ok? I love you. Please don’t be sad, I didn’t mean it.’ he’d fumble with the sleeves of his hoodie before, desperate for some kind of contact with you, pulling you into a soft hug and kissing the top of your head softly, rubbing your arms and trying to calm the situation down. 

In interviews, whenever someone asks Jason about his sexuality, he gets really sarcastic and angry because he is tired of having to explain bisexuality

“Are you dating anyone?”

“I went on a date with a cute girl last night but nothing serious.”

“But weren’t you dating a guy last month?”

“It’s called bisexuality Sharon, you can like more then one gender.”

“Do you think you’ll ever decide?”

“Decide on what?”

“You know, boys or girls?”

“I mean do you choose between ice cream or pie?”

“Well…no but”

“And sometimes you enjoy them together right?”

“Well yes I suppose so.”

“So why can’t I do what you do with pie and ice cream but with my dating?”

“Are you secretly gay and think that Bruce won’t accept you?”

“Are you secretly a bitch and think people don’t notice it?”

“So you just sleep with anyone right?”

“Um, excuse me?”

“You know, because you’re “bisexual” you’ll just sleep with anyone.”

“I wouldn’t fuck you that’s for sure.”

Nouveau Départ  | 01

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

humor | angst | smut | fluff | smartalec!jungkook | spoiled!reader

word count: 3.9k                                                                                                              

Its January, the start of another shitty year at Mendia High and your vivacious parents are coming in 2 months for a report on how you’re doing in the aspects of grades, reputation and of course the long awaited–dating. This means 8.7 weeks to change your attitude–60 days to pull up your grades–1,440 hours to land a decent boyfriend. There is nobody decent enough to help you–therefore you have no choice but to turn to the schools’ derisive dweeb, Jeon Jungkook. Watch yourself struggle to cope with the smart-assed boy as he tries to transform you into a changed lady that everyone would look at differently.”                                                                     


“You feel so good princess–keep going.” your best friends’ groans of pleasure filled the room and you were damn sure any by-passer would look at you dead-dirty if you even dared to exit the small and clustered room at this time.  

“Oh shut up, you make it seem like i’m giving you a blowjob or some shit. Cut it out.” you grit out, making sure to press a bit harder than usual on the sensitive part of his neck. Feeling your nails press into his jugular–he pitches up in pain, a variety of obscene curses fly your way. “Do that one more time and I swear to God i’ll pull you over my lap and spank the shit out of you.”

Your pupils take a trip to the back of your head,  resurfacing rapidly, and you lightly hit the back of your best friend’s head. Yoongi was an uptight bitch sometimes. A downright petty one at that too. That’s why you found yourself giving him a back massage in the janitors closet, probably people coming up with many wild scenarios that their saint-like minds couldn’t handle when they try to put the puzzle pieces together. But hey, this was your best friend. 

Unfortunately, you lost a bet to the grudge-keeper two weeks ago. The deal was that if any of the new freshman could get laid at a party the week they came, Yoongi would get a back massage from you–along with the fact that you had to compliment him anytime he asked for the rest of the school year. If he lost, he would take you anywhere you want and let you buy, anything you wanted. Well, you guess you could say–Yoongi knew his shit.

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GUYS LOOK AT THAT!!!

I was wondering if Black Hat have the power to bring things to life, what he supposedly did with the Ice Cream. I analyzed the images better and then I noticed THIS above!! The hole thing starded in 5.05, using his shadow ( or could maybe be his enegy, I don’t know) to bring the Ice Cream to life!!

YOU SEEE!  AND THEN TAKES CONTROL OF THE HOLE THING:

Soooo… Does that mean that BH uses the energy of life (or the shadow) of others as power???

This maybe gives us a clue of what he is!!

Did you guys know anyone or anything who can do that???  What do you think guys??

dreamersthingsworld-deactivated  asked:

Sorry to be needy but may i ever so innocently demand some otapliroy headcanons?? <3

Not needy at all, amor x <3

Since you said “innocently” let’s get some fluffy headcanons rolling

  • JJ absolutely loves both Otabek and Yuri’s accents, since they both speak to him in English. Yuri sometimes gets annoyed when JJ smiles at his incorrect pronunciations, but JJ always strokes his cheek and reassures him it’s cute. Otabek is the one who’s regularly asking “Is that right?” or “Did I say that correctly?” and JJ is more than happy to teach him.
  • Conversely, JJ tries his best to learn some Russian (and Kazakh), and is confident he can master it. His pronunciation is pretty terrible and Yuri does make fun of him for it, but both him and Otabek are pleased that he’s making an effort.
  • The Russian is significantly less fun when JJ’s been annoying them both and they just start talking to each other in rapid Russian. This usually ends with JJ apologising with a “Waitwaitwait slow down - I know what that word means, Yuri–”
  • Their favourite thing to do for dates is to try out new snack spots. Smoothie bars, ice cream parlours, you name it - you can usually catch the three of them hanging out there together. Yuri always shares sips and bites of his food with Otabek, but impatiently pushes JJ away whenever he tries to steal some because he takes the biggest fucking sips and bites in the world. Otabek never minds though, and will let JJ have some of whatever he’s having.
  • Otabek will never understand Yuri and JJ’s shared love for mint ice cream. Never.
  • After many evenings walking home while carrying a tired Yuri, JJ once decided he wanted to try carry Otabek. 
  • His scream still haunts them all.
  • Yuri loves to drape himself along the both of them, either on the couch or when in bed. He stretches out his long limbs like he’s not sharing the space with two muscular men, but neither of them mind too much. He claims it’s because he’s more “comfortable,” but in reality he just likes to be close to both of them.
  • Yuri shaves both of their hair for them, and always gives them a kiss on the forehead with a “все сделано” when he’s finished.
  • Otabek gives the best massages, and can usually back rub both Yuri and JJ to sleep if he tries hard enough.
  • JJ is hands down the best cook, and loves to treat his boyfriends to big breakfasts and delicious dinners.
  • They remember the tiniest details about each other. 
  • JJ knows that Yuri likes to keep his shampoo on the left and conditioner on the right, and that Otabek usually sneezes in quiet sequences of three. 
  • Otabek knows that Yuri’s favourite lipgloss is one called Pink Lemonade, and that JJ takes most of his drinks with ice.
  • Yuri knows that particular furrow in Otabek’s brow when he’s worried about something, and that JJ feels most productive at around noon.
  • The three of them have a strong relationship built on love, trust and respect, and there’s no sound more beautiful than the three of them laughing together while cuddling on the couch. 
Movie Night | Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Pairing: Peter x Reader, w/ Tony, and Nat
Warning: Cuteness, fluff, bad writing at the end
Words: 407
Polyvore(clothing)


Originally posted by avengers-of-mirkwood

{Reader’s POV:}

Throwing my school bag on to my bedroom floor, happy being done with school. Flopping down on my bed, “(Y/n), can you come here for a sec?” Dad’s voice came through the P.A system. 

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