do you have any idea of the effect you have on men

Hey fun fact the people 28 and over on this website actually do KNOW that the average age skews much lower so like, reminding us is pretty pointless?

More to the point, as much as you guys are way better at identifying and calling out misogyny than I was at your age, a lot of people are really terrible at picking up on one particular kind of misogyny, and that is the creepy upper age limit for space and existence you’re setting for women in your communities.

This may not be easy to instantly identify because it’s not really ageism across the board, for example, this idea that fandom has an upper age limit is not something that effects a lot of men in fandom. Women, on the other hand, are apparently expected to re-direct their fan obsession, fixation, or hobby to things like crafting, child-rearing, and housekeeping just as soon as they become a mom or reach that “typical mom” age. Adult fangirls are “immature” and “need to grow up,” while adult fanboys are literally just a fact of life, as if we both haven’t always been there.

Whenever you question a woman’s right to this space because of her age or parental status, you are reinforcing a stereotype that has effects that reach beyond that one situation. The expectation, for example, that 40 year old men be catered to when writing comics, but that characters of interest to 40 year old women are obsolete or unprofitable.

When actresses over 30 are written out of their franchises or written exclusively in villain/mother/crone roles, this not only furthers the impression that women over 30 have no interest in these franchises, but actually causes women over 30 to disengage with these franchises as a self fulfilling prophecy. A sudden loss of representation can be a real buzzkill, as many of you already know too well.

Women over 30 are often sexual and a lot of us get fan crushes or thirst at the exact same rate as younger people do, but you’re not going to hear about it because every one of us has been shamed at one point or another for expressing desire for age-appropriate fictional characters that was totally acceptable when we were five years younger. Add to that dissonance the fact that A LOT of you are fixated on and thirsting after characters that are actually closer to OUR age if not our age exactly.

Hell, we transfer directly from EVERYONE wanting to hear about our desires and attractions to people being equally disgusted. This is pretty dissonant on a website stuffed full of explicitly sexual material, and it’s especially difficult and heartbreaking for the 30+ year olds who JUST CAME OUT and get an extra level of taboo on top of what is most likely a heaping dose of internalized homophobia.

And I know it’s coming so I’m just going to head it off at the pass, this OBVIOUSLY does not mean that you need to engage in any overtly sexual topic with an older person if that discomfits you, and it doesn’t even mean you need to INTERACT with us, because well, you don’t HAVE to interact with anyone on this website if you don’t want to.

But realize what you’re doing when your reaction to the desire of a 30 year old woman to a 30 year old fictional character is revulsion or a suggestion that she is over-sharing. Notice your shock when you realize that older women inhabit the fandom and recognize that that shock has nothing to do with those women.

Pay attention to the double standard that allows you to embrace rude bigoted 50 year old male comic creators/collectors and equally feel like there’s something wrong or stunted about a woman into the same things. Think about it because that stuff will sneak up on you, and you are probably pretty sure that you’re not going to turn 28 and magically drop all your interests, because no one should expect you to.

While we’re having a lot of lovely discourse on here about how Joss Whedon writes heroines and how people in general write heroines based on the leaked WW script, I’ like to actually address another part of the problem: how you write the dudes in the story. Because the guys will inevitably interact with the heroine and therefore their writing has an effect on how the film views her.

“Feminist Fantasy” is a term I sometimes see used to describe fantasy/sci fi/supernatural stories that have powerful female characters. Thing is, feminist fantasy, much like feminist theory, evolves as time goes on. What would still be acceptable as FF back in the 90s may come across as cliche or even regressive today because opinions change as time goes on. And that’s a huge part of why the leak WW script rubs people the wrong way, especially how the guys act and how they impact Diana’s role.

The idea of “prove the boys wrong” is one that has been done to death since my childhood. It’s a typical plot or subplot. Girl wants to do X thing, boys say she can’t since she’s a girl, girl proves boys wrong, boys learn their lesson. Here’s the thing: that is no longer feminist fantasy. Because that is real life for so many women, having to constantly prove themselves to men over and over and still be looked over next time due to being a woman and have to do it all over again. Feminist Fantasy has moved into the realm of Fury Road and Wonder Woman 2017–where the woman never has to “prove” anything, at least not to the men on her side. She’s accepted as a capable human without a whole arc proving herself such.

Max never questions Furiosa or even the wives because they are women. The times he does argue or question are purely logistical and have nothing to do with belittling them or asserting his preconceived superiority as a man–he’s usually just checking the plan. While Capable does comfort Nux, it’s Nux who proves himself to the wives by getting the rig rolling again. While Nux learns to see them as people, the onus is not on the wives and other women to make that happen. Steve only offers the barest concern for Diana being a woman, mostly just related to how she dresses in London. Other than that his main issue is the Ares thing which he does not ever use to declare Diana naive and in fact it’s noted in-universe that she may even have a point before Ares shows up. He doesn’t just humor her about Ares, its treated more as a conclusion he disagrees with but can’t prove wrong so they simply operate based on their differing conclusions (Diana’s of “Ludendorf is Ares” and Steve’s of “idc if he is or not we’ve got to stop the chemicals”) until the Ares question becomes unavoidable. The other men similarly don’t belittle Diana or creep on her, the most we get is Sameer’s “ both frightened… and aroused ” joke when she beats a guy up and Sameer jokingly commenting on wanting to see her island.

How the men act is important compared to the WW 06 script, because the 06 script is much more regressive. Both the heroic and villainous men act like creeps and belittle Diana, sexualize Diana, lecture Diana. Essentially, guys treating Diana badly is a thing both the bad guys and the good guys do and she just has to deal with it. Which is just shit, from a feminist perspective. The idea that the guys who are heroes are going to treat women as badly (or even just almost as badly) as the bad guys and the only difference is the heroic guys are the ones who change their minds when she “proves herself” is really, really old. It’s simultaneously discouraging to women and insulting to men by saying that all men are pigs and women just have to deal with that, and it’s the “strong” women who do and change the mind of the “good” men…who are still going to be pigs but maybe less so towards you since you proved yourself. The idea of a guy who’s not a pig is not a thing.

Feminist Fantasy has moved beyond that. Feminist Fantasy is no longer where women are able to constantly prove men wrong–it’s when they don’t have to prove men wrong before being taken seriously as people. Because that shows a future, a past, a world where a woman can simply be accepted as a potential expert, or a warrior, or whatever else the character is doing without having to “prove” it to any man in the vicinity because that still places the men as having power over her. It’s not that they can’t prove men wrong–some still will sometimes and all of them could if directly challenged to–it’s that they don’t have to. Guys who are on their side simply accept that yeah, a woman can be that badass while guys who aren’t on their side, well the opinions those guys have a) don’t matter as much and b) because they’re the bad guys, she’s more focused on stopping their plans than proving her worth to them.

Women having to “prove” ourselves more than men before being taken seriously is not aspirational fantasy anymore–it’s where we are, more often than not. The fantasy is that we only have to prove ourselves to the same degree as any man written in the same situation would, and be treated equally to them. We already know the real world is not there yet (see every “Rey is a Mary-Sue compared to Luke and Anakin” argument ever) but the idea that escapist fiction can’t be a bit ahead of the curve on that should be eyeroll inducing at this point.

Katara: It’s not magic. It’s waterbending, and it’s-
Sokka: Yeah, yeah, an ancient art unique to our culture, blah blah blah. Look, I’m just saying that if I had weird powers, I’d keep my weirdness to myself. 

So I wanted to talk a little about Katara, because I think we often focus on her grief for her mother, and forget her relationship to her culture, and her experience of the Southern Water Tribe genocide (unlike the Air Nomads genocide, which was for the greater part over after four big terrifyingly effective simultaneous strikes, this one took place over a long length of time - more than 40 years? 50? - and it wasn’t total, but it definitely was one. genocide = the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group, fwiw)

(Kanna’s village - before and after)

All of the Southern water benders were exterminated or taken away to rot in prison (where they all died eventually except for Hama). Katara was born the only bender left in the whole South Pole. Then when she was eight years old, she survived a raid that was meant to kill her, but took her mother instead (she probably was too young to realize that, to her it must have been a question mark up until she met Yon Rha - gratuitous cruelty? Why her mother in particular? They took nothing else!).

So Katara from a young age had a double burden to bear: that of her mother, and the legacy of her bending (and she was shown as painfully aware of her situation and what it meant on both front). But here’s the thing: Katara could be a mother, she was naturally good at it, and her grandmother could teach her what she didn’t already knew. Her family and tribe demanded that of her, they needed her to be that for them (especially after her father and the rest of the men basically abandoned them). However, there was no one left to teach her how to waterbend - she had almost no hope of ever becoming a master without formal training, her brother thought it was silly and weird and let her know, her grandmother thought it was a waste of time. But she kept practicing, because she knew how important it was, to her and to her tribe, that she kept trying (as the only one left who could).

(…an ancient art unique to our culture, blah blah blah…)

(Of course she would obsess over that waterbending scroll)

When she gets to the North Pole, she meets Pakku, and with him the opportunity of finally becoming a true master. But because she is a girl, he judges her unworthy. He judges her, the only remaining southern waterbender, unworthy of carrying on their culture. The Fire Nation didn’t care about the gender of their prisoners, men and women - they all fought side by side for their freedom in the South, and they were all taken away to the last one, and killed to the last one. In the South, the women had the choice to learn how to fight, or be defenseless. And privileged master Pakku couldn’t possible realize the extend of what he was denying her in that moment.

Katara had to prove herself, she had to earn her right to these teachings. And if she had been less good or less stubborn or not Kanna’s granddaughter - well the North would have refused their sister-tribe the power to use their common cultural heritage to fight back against the nation that destroyed them.

(It’s sexist and terrible.)

Meh, thankfully, she was that good, stubborn, and Kanna’s granddaughter, and she did get to become a master.

Good.

But, of course, her story doesn’t end here, and wrt her culture, the next chapter is a much more traumatizing experience. In the Fire Nation, she meets another master. This time it’s an old woman from the South like her (“You’re a waterbender! I’ve never met another waterbender from our tribe!”), and she is, ah, more than willing to help her.

Look how happy Katara looks at the idea to learn from her in particular:

Katara: I can’t tell you what it means to meet you. It’s an honor! You’re a hero.
Hama: I never thought I’d meet another southern waterbender. I‘d like to teach you what I know so that you can carry on the southern tradition when I’m gone.
Katara: Yes! Yes, of course! To learn about my heritage… it would mean everything to me.

But when Hama starts her lesson, the techniques she teaches have been obviously developed with one goal in mind: survival in enemy territory. They can’t possibly have been invented in the South Pole, where water is abundant everywhere. They are deadly and cruel, and the damage they do to the environment leaves Katara sad and uncomfortable, but Hama waves that off as unimportant. It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t have the time to worry about flowers or beauty or nature. To her that peace and beauty is probably just an illusion anyway, a lie: years after her escape she is still living the war, and war is ugly and rotten and messy (her world is ugly and rotten and messy - this is her comfort zone).

The last technique she teaches Katara is bloodbending. She forces Katara to learn something she finds disgusting, repulsive (just like Hama was forced to learn?) by torturing her (Hama was tortured), by overpowering her, invading her, making her lose control over her own body, bending her blood (Hama herself is clinging to the last remain of control she managed to get back after rotting in prison for years), and finally by threatening to have the two people she cares most about in the world kill each other right under her eyes (Hama lost everyone too, she had to say goodbye).

(Katara: But, to reach inside someone and control them? I don’t know if I want that kind of power.
Hama: The choice is not yours. The power exists…and it’s your duty to use the gifts you’ve been given to win this war. Katara, they tried to wipe us out, our entire culture… your mother!
Katara: I know.
Hama: Then you should understand what I’m talking about. We’re the last Waterbenders of the Southern Tribe. We have to fight these people whenever we can. Wherever they are, with any means necessary!
Katara: It’s you. You’re the one who’s making people disappear during the full moons.
Hama: They threw me in prison to rot, along with my brothers and sisters. They deserve the same. You must carry on my work.)

And this, this, is the only truly southern waterbending Katara is ever going to learn. This is her tribe’s bending heritage, what’s left of it: blood, grief, suffering, hatred, loss of control over both your body and mind (because it’s terrible, but I think that’s what’s implied by the show: bloodbending makes you lose your mind. Hama’s only mean of regaining physical freedom ended up trapping her in another nightmare). Hama gifts her with a power she despises (but will use anyway in her darkest hour when she loses control) and a philosophy of violence and revenge.

Katara chose peace and forgiveness. As an adult, she will have bloodbending outlawed, she will become the greatest healer in the world, and she’ll teach her daughter, the next avatar, probably many others. These choices matter, and we should talk about them with that background in mind. Katara redefined her heritage - or rather she created a new one for herself: she refused the condition that was forced upon her (bloodbender) and ensured nobody could legally do to someone else what Hama did to her (and it’s implied this law is valid anywhere in the world). She transmitted Pakku’s warrior teachings, the ones she fought for, to the next generations (and did a great job of it!), but she also taught them how to heal, refusing to separate the arts as in Northern Water Tribe tradition - and healing was something she discovered by herself, that she felt was always a part of her. At that, she became the universally acknowledged best. Her legacy, despite everything that happened to her, will never be one of violence.

tl;dr: Katara is one of the strongest fictional characters ever created bye

I think straight men generally don’t view women as autonomous, especially with regards to our attraction and sexuality. We divide ourselves by identity and experience, but they don’t clearly differentiate between women who aren’t currently expressing a willingness to be pursued by men. 

The individual identities of lesbians and bi women blur for them, and they only really distinguish between them so far as it relates to themselves. I’ve read that even straight women are frequently accused of being lesbians by male abusers, and of course we’ve all seen or heard of men accusing any woman who turns him down of being a lesbian. It seems to me that straight male conception of women’s sexuality revolves around themselves and to what degree they believe women are “cooperating” with their expectations. 

For example, when I was being abused by a man, me trying to assert my identity as a lesbian was something he saw as threatening and he’d often pull out really strong manipulation tactics to get me back in line (gaslighting, pretending I never said anything, threatening to out me, feigning injury, threatening to kill himself, etc.). He preferred me to identify as bisexual.

But simultaneously, he didn’t respect bisexuality either. He would go through my computer when I wasn’t there and get angry at me if I had any evidence in my saved files or computer history of my attraction to women. He didn’t want me interacting with other LGBT people. I was forbidden from drag shows and gay clubs. He clearly didn’t actually want me to be bisexual. In his mind, bisexuality meant that I had no “reason” to leave him because I was capable of attraction to men, and therefore should surrender attraction to women because it was “unneeded” within a monogamous context.

Bisexuality, to abusive straight men, is basically a state where you have no right to turn them down because you’re theoretically capable of attraction. And that entitlement, in my opinion, is where a huge amount of abuse bi women face comes from. This idea that their sexuality is one that needs constant punishment to keep in line and to prevent them from “becoming lesbian” (which to the abuser just means “able to get away”). I think that’s why male abusers are so aggressive towards their bi partners when they have lesbian friends. Lesbians are seen as an inherently corrupting influence, as in the abuser’s mind, they haven’t been properly punished into submission and now aren’t attached to men as a class at all, which is threatening.

Straight women, on the other hand, are willing to acknowledge attraction moreso than they are willing to acknowledge connection to womanhood as a class. 

Straight women will try to convince questioning women that they too are straight, and will try to soften and accommodate attraction within the safety of straight womanhood, but if that fails and you actually do claim an identity label of bisexual or lesbian, straight women are quick to conceptualize you as outside of womanhood. This is most obvious with how straight women talk about and interact with butches, and the insistence that we’re “basically men” but it occurs on a spectrum of subtly for all women who love women. 

You quickly notice after coming out that the invisible rules of womanhood as a gender no longer apply to you. Physical touch, shared changing spaces, conversations about romance, conversations about men as a class, how you dress, whether you wear make up, whether you shave– all of these things will suddenly become highly scrutinized and the invisible rules of what is acceptable and unacceptable between women is noticeably different for you. You will be subtly divorced from womanhood, and then assumed your ideas about feminism and womanhood as a class are lesser or irrelevant because of this perceived distance. 

The differences between bisexual and lesbian- to the straight woman- are muted by whatever attraction a bi woman is currently speaking to (and by whatever degree an individual bi woman is gender nonconforming or unapologetic in her feminism). 

Straight people might act as if they would accept lesbians over bi women (”they’re seen as threatening non-women who lure ‘good’ women to their ‘side’ and hated for it, but straights aren’t trying to actively erase part of their identity”) or visa versa (“they’re seen as ‘flawed’ straight women who can be forced or coerced into line, so as long as they perform for homophobes they can be conditionally accepted”) but it doesn’t take long to figure out that neither of these is actually acceptance, and their treatment of us has more to do with how we’re currently behaving and much less to do with our actual identities. 

They create an illusion that they might treat us better if we identified one way or the other, and it’s unfortunately very effective at turning us against each other. But ultimately, homophobes are going to hate us for our attraction to women and for our distrust of men no matter how we identify. 

We are inherently disobeying the rules of the class of ‘woman’ and the reaction for all of us (though taking different forms in different contexts) is that men seek to abuse us back into that class and women seek to quarantine us as a separate gender altogether. 

The Promised No-study SAT Tips

I saw that a lot of you wanted these~ Disclaimer: You still have to know English and the basics of math for these. This goes especially if you’re not a native speaker - your English needs to be at a pretty good level.

General:

  1. Read. A lot. Whenever you see a text that’s at least a paragraph or two long, take time to practice skimming. If you’re bored and have a little time, take something, for example a food wrapper, and try to find occurrences of a word (for example “Acid” for food) as quickly as possible. Hard mode: look for synonyms.
  2. Practice filling out the answer sheet. This is a massive time-sink for a lot of people, so you should practice to eliminate it. Print out an example answer sheet and try filling out the circles quickly and accurately without distracting yourself a lot. Hard mode:Try doing it while not focusing only on the circles - look away or start thinking about the next question.
  3. Check. A lot. The main goal of this strategy is to leave yourself enough time when you’ve filled out an answer for each question when you’re calm, know the questions and can focus on checking. Try and go through the questions, thinking, “This question tests this and that.” If you have the time, look at each answer and identify the error in it (harder for the math questions, but loads of fun if you can do it).
  4. Think in patterns: Whenever you’re stuck on an example question, don’t just check the answer. Try and understand how the person found it, if this question is similar to others you have seen. The SAT only uses a few different types of questions, there will rarely be something to surprise you if you know the common patterns.
  5. Rest: The SAT is a very demanding exam. Give your brain time to relax - my advice would be not to do anything mentally strenuous the day before the test. Also, something I found out from competitions - bring chocolate. The sugar in it helps your brain work better and shrug off tiredness and eating it will draw blood away from your brain, effectively hibernating it for the break to conserve energy. Also, it’s just a really tasty snack!

Writing:

  1. Use the right format for the essay. There are a lot of easy points for using the four/five paragraph system. Introduction, Reason 1, Reason 2, Conclusion. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence and follow up with a story from your life or a book/movie to illustrate it. This way, even without using fancy vocab or grammar, you can get the points for structure and critical thought. Now just try not to make any obvious spelling mistakes and call it a day!
  2. Try to quickly find an argument for the essay. They don’t actually rate how intelligent your argument is. So, take a minute or two, breathe deeply, and no matter how stupid your idea is, write it out. (You might still want to take caution with sensitive topics, especially if you’re an international. A dumb mistake I made in my first sitting was bashing on American charity - that definitely did not endear me to the proctors.)
  3. Paragraphs: You have to have experience reading - look at how the topic never changes abruptly. Insert sentences that link what’s written before and after the gap. Final sentences of paragraphs shouldn’t raise more questions.
  4. Sentence questions: Skim through the questions. Try to answer most of them, the first thing that comes to mind, and fill out the answer sheet immediately. Chances are, if it sounds good to you, it’s the correct choice. Do this quickly, then try and do the paragraphs. After you’ve done this, go back to the questions and start checking.
  5. They usually test for a few broad topics. Identify if each sentence fits one of the patterns and answer accordingly. For the others, try and think what error they might want you to make. If you know you have the time, look at each answer in turn and identify the mistake in it. The most common ways for you to change a sentence would be:
  • Fragments: Try and see if each clause has a subject and a verb. Example: “In the dim light, making his way through the cave.” -> “In the dim light, he makes his way through the cave.”
  • Subject-verb agreement: Make sure that the subject is the one actually doing the action and singular/plural match. Example: “Gathering stones, the river was blocked by the men.” Did the river gather stones? No.
  • Consistency: Make sure that something introduced one way is always referred to like that (don’t switch out ‘one’ for ‘you’ or ‘they’). Make sure there are no extra linkers (”Since I was there, but he went too.”). Check if any verbs change tense when they shouldn’t. Don’t compare apples to oranges (”His homework was as good as John.” -> “As good as John’s”).
  • Adverb or adjective? If it describes a verb, it has a ‘ly’. Example: “She winked playful.” -> “She winked playfully.”
  • Singular or plural? Make sure not to refer to a plural object in singular. “Pandas, numbering in the hundreds now, is an endangered species.”
  • Prepositions, linkers, all the small words Sadly, you’ll have to know how they’re used.

Reading

  1. Word fill: Note the answers that obviously don’t make sense. Mark the one of the others that sounds best to you (in the answer sheet, too!). If you don’t know one or more of the words, aim for simplicity. After you’ve quickly answered all of the reading questions, come back to these. Look at the relationships between the gap and the sentence - are you looking for a positive or negative word? Antonyms or synonyms to something before? Try and guess what unknown words mean. This way, you will probably be able to eliminate all the wrong answers.
  2. Reading comprehension: You are not tested for understanding the text. Keep this in mind. What you are actually trying to do here is quickly find synonyms. If the question asks for “Was Anna’s family a) warm b) cold c) the spawn of Cthulhu?”, chances are that the text contains “Anna’s relatives acted chilly.” or something like that. Read the first question. Skim the text until it comes to that topic, then look for synonyms of the answers. Don’t make deductions! If you come across a ‘general message’ or ‘tone of the author’ question, skip it and answer it at the end of the text. The other questions will be in the same order as the answers are mentioned in the text. Checking: If you have time, look at each answer and try to see what in the text could mislead somebody to make that mistake.

Mathematics

  1. Calculator use: My advice would be to not bring a complex graphing calculator. They just slow you down. Try and do most operations by hand, then use the calculator only for, well, calculations.
  2. Basic topics to know: You are expected to be familiar with how to rearrange equations (ab=1 is the same as a=1/b) and solve linear and quadratics; cosine and Pythagorean theorems; number representations of lines and their intersections; median, mean and mode.
  3. Solve like a crab! One of the best things I learnt in “Fun Math” classes was that problems are solved more easily if you work from the answer back. Try and see what you would need (in terms of information) to find the answer. Then look back to the text of the problem - is what you need there? In most SAT problems, it is, or you can easily find it.
  4. Visualise: Especially for distance or geometry problems, make a small chart of what’s happening. Make lines for the distances the cars traveled or draw that pesky cylinder. Try and see in your mind how different elements move and which stay the same.

I guess this is all that I can say for now. Of course, this is my strategy so it might not work for everyone or it might not work without practice, so don’t think it’s a miracle solve-all. I’m always open for questions about ideas or specific problems, just write an ask~ And good luck to all future test-takers!

{PART 1} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; You drive to your boss‘s house with the intention of returning his wallet he left at the office. You feel uneasy, seeing his manor for the first time - Jungkook also feels uneasy, but for reasons that you could never begin to imagine.

A/N; This is the first instalment of a request I received that I decided to turn into a series that will contain smut. I’ll release a new chapter every Tuesday between 9pm-10pm (U.K Time), I hope you enjoy part 1 ^^

{Part 1} {Part 2}

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

"When girls and women are taught self defence (and I mean literally taught. Most women have had at least one class in school on it) we are taught that hitting is the absolute LAST resort. Realistically? If a man has actually punched us? 90%+ of women are fucked already. There is no defence against someone stronger than you hitting you." So can a woman who gets punched can actually defend herself or not?

Women aren’t made of porcelain.

We’re not some separate species, or utterly different physically from men. The concept of “woman” is a societal one. It changes based on socialization, and changes based on the society’s belief on what a woman is. It’s a nebulous concept, with no solid value when hitching one’s identity to it and the same is true for men. Societal constructs like masculinity and femininity are linked heavily to societal expectations and how we’re raised. When someone says, “a woman can’t” when a “man can” most of the time they’re referring to societal expectations taken as fact. These beliefs often have nothing to do with reality, and you only have to look at the vast differences in the United States when it comes to stereotyping women of different ethnicity, various cultures, or income levels just to see how shallow those ideas are.

There are female soldiers, female police officers, female martial artists of every stripe, and the warriors are countless going back generations. You can, in fact, find them if you look. This is before we get to athletes and all the other non-combat positions women occupy today that society said, “impossible!” just a few decades ago.

This is why understanding the effects of socialization is so important. When it comes to learning, what you believe will decide what you are.

Here’s the truth: no one takes a punch well when they’re mentally unprepared for it.

Here’s the other: most people (men included) aren’t trained to take hits.

Notice that you’re instructor told you, “Don’t piss off men. You’re helpless if they decide to physically assault you.”

They did not teach you what it looks like when a punch is incoming, or what the change over looks like. Good self-defense teaches you to be aware of your surroundings and learn to determine when danger is potentially incoming. You can’t respond when you don’t know its coming, and you can’t prepare for it, physically or mentally, when taken by surprise. The first moments of a real fight are crucial. Those seconds it takes to recognize danger and react to it when you’re already in the middle of being hit is too late. You’ve lost the initiative, you’re playing catch up, and that’s a terrible position to be in when you’re trained. It’s pretty much almost always unrecoverable if you’re not.

It has nothing to do with being a man, and its disingenuous from a self-defense perspective to focus entirely on them. While far more likely, men are not the only ones who can or will hit you. Women aren’t any safer, and can be just as predatory.

The problem with these self-defense classes is if you’re really serious about learning to defend yourself then you need to train for it. Good professionals worth their salt will always tell you that you need to be training in some martial art, and practicing the techniques you learned in your self-defense course constantly so that they become embedded in your muscle memory.

When I was forced into one these high school self-defense courses, my seventeen year old martial artist self thought they were stupid and overall pretty pointless, and they didn’t come at us with any of the above bullshit about getting punched. Girls who’ve done an hour of self-defense five years ago aren’t going to be able to perform jiujutsu throws, they’ll be lucky if they remember the bear hug escapes or how to roll the wrist against the thumb and tug if someone tries to take you were you don’t want to go (and then not know what to do once they’ve gotten free because they never practice running). Forget punching, they won’t remember how to do that.

If you aren’t practicing to the point where it becomes second nature, with the added benefit of learning self-defense techniques that are exceedingly easy to memorize (believe it or not, not all self-defense programs will teach these), and doesn’t come with the caveat that if you’re serious you need more education then they’re pretty worthless.

All your class seems to have taught you is how to be a willing victim, and that’s the worst kind of self defense.

“If someone attacks you, you can do nothing so just give up.”

That’s tantamount to admitting that they didn’t really teach you anything, and don’t want you to think they did. You’re not even in exactly the same place you were before you took that class. Mentally, you’re worse off.

If you don’t believe you can, then you won’t and it’s simple as that.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that when it comes to self-defense, you get what you pay for.

Taught is not not taught, the vast majority of high schools don’t have classes. They have one hour a year (maybe) devoted to it (usually P.E.), and sometimes its not even required. If you’re lucky, it’s a seminar of a few days. If you’re really lucky, they’ll bring in one of the female (or male) police officers from a local precinct who specializes in the police’s self-defense training they give the public. However, you are not guaranteed to have a professional, or even just a local officer. Often, it’s just the PE teacher who took a three month course. What girls get in high school depends heavily on what waivers the school is willing to sign and how much liability they’re willing to take on. It also depends on who is doing the hiring, who they are hiring, and whether they actually care.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of people out there who think women don’t need to learn self-defense and don’t want to waste the school’s already limited resources on hiring someone for a few hours. Especially when you can’t learn much self-defense in a few hours, and almost none of it is lasting.

If you’re from a country other than America, it might be different, but if you’re referring American education then its important to remember you’re experiences (whatever they were) aren’t universal. No, really. Education varies heavily from district to district, and can be vastly different within single cities depending on where you live, this is before we get to county versus county, and that’s before we get to the differences between the states. In America, public education heavily dependent on money and property values. The higher the house value, the richer the district, then the better the education. Its important to know, that when it comes to education, segregation is economic. America and Americans have no real true standard for education or education value. What you get depends on where you live, and often on parental involvement.

You can’t learn self-defense in an hour or two. You will be fucked up by shitty instructors, sexist instructors, and negligent instructors. If you are not doing your own research and taking control of learning to defend yourself then you are likely to get one of the above. If you look at self-defense as all being the same, that combat is an innate skill set possessed by only one side of the human species, if you honestly believe on some level you are inferior to men (and if you’re young, white, female, and WASP, you better believe you’ve been conditioned by society at large to see yourself that way) and that there’s no point in even trying, you will be fucked.

Combat is a learned skill.

It is not innate. You have to learn it. It is not inherently masculine. If you are a woman learning to fight, you’re not actually all that special or standout. There are plenty of women out there learning to fight. However, you’ve got to go looking for it. It won’t be handed to you.

One of the most empowering aspects in learning to fight is taking control of your own safety. You are no longer reliant on the charity or uncertainty of those around you, and that certainty will drive off most predators. Predators don’t want a real fight, they aren’t looking. 9/10, they want victims who are vulnerable and go down easy. So, whether you’re male or female, and you’re worried about your safety then head to your local police precinct, find a seminar, and that’ll point you toward freedom.

So, TLDR:

Women can take punches but not if they’re not prepared for it and whoever was teaching you is a shithead.

Don’t let their idiocy turn you into a willing victim.

This post is a public service announcement, not martial arts training.

Go get some.

-Michi

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{Special} College!AU Johnny
  • major: film & television 
  • minor: business 
  • clubs: rather than clubs, johnny always has some part in other classmates movies/set productions so,,,he has no time for clubs LOL
  • sports: was humbly signed up for track and field by ten but the only good thing about his long legs is jumping over hurdles,,,otherwise he’s slower than a turtle much to everyone’s surprise 
  • goes through what his friends call “phases” every other week,,,,,and it usually has to do with whatever project he’s most immersed in
  • and that means one week,,,,when he was helping out the french exchange students he walked around campus in a beret and refused to eat bagels - only croissants. then he was working on an action scene and signed up for martial arts on the the quad,,,,,,or that one time they were trying to do a historical bit and johnny almost bought a hanbok on amazon for fifty bucks and taeyong had to physically remove the laptop from his dorm in order to stop him
  • no one is surprised that he’s a film major,,,,,tbh he’s always been creative and outspoken so the industry fits him
  • the shocking part is his minor,,,,because is business really something???? johnny has any interest in
  • and johnny always dramatically puts his hand over his forehead and is like “in THIS day and age all that matters is MONEY no one cares for the ART-”
  • everyone is like ok we get it but johnny just siGHS like the whole world is over and slumps in his chair and is like i know ill never make it,,,,,,,ill have to be a slave to the system a COG in the machine another worker bee - but wait did i tell you guys about this GREAT idea i had last night for a movie so basically the main character is a zombie alien and-
  • talks a mile a minute,,,,,seriously even when his opinion or comment is unneeded,,,, but he’s trying his best and he’s always trying to lift the mood and make people more confident
  • like he IS the person in the friend group whose there for anyone when they need him,,,,, is the person who makes ten smile when he’s down, helps cheer up doyoung about the future,,,,, and even gets taeil out of the dumps (which is a rarity, but,,,,,,,wow is it harD to cheer him up - tbh only johnny is capable)
  • tells people to have a super-duper fantastic great day after seeing them in the coffee shop,,,,,and the person will be like do i//?? even know him??? probably not but johnny is trying to spread that positivity
  • and it works !!! because when he’s smiling and laughing he looks so soft and approachable 
  • but at the same time,,,,when he’s really working on a scene or on a plan for filming,,,, he adopts an entirely different aura 
  • ten calls it the ‘youngho effect’ meaning that silly johnny is gone and now it’s down-to-business youngho and during finals week,,,,,,is when it’s the WORST
  • like people don’t even recognize him and thats hard considering his fashion and height stand out ,,,, but seriously the stern, concentrated look on his face makes his whole appearance seem different
  • yuta is always like “youngho is sexy and johnny is cute” and johnny is just like ?????? are you- flirting with me??? or are you just commenting and yuta is like ;) it’s hard to tell i know but no im just saying my dude
  • johnny is also super charitable ,,,, like find him helping every last single person in his studio effects class or dramatic writing
  • which is why he barely gets sleep because he’ll be up with a group of writers or on film location for work that isn’t EVEN HIS but,,,, he really likes film and he really likes seeing and testing out new things so his ability to say no is down the drain
  • unless it’s doyoung asking for extra change to get coffee then johnny is like lol no jokes jokes
  • oh also him and ten are practically inseparable and they sometimes do what taeyong refers to as “comedy acting” on the quad which is really just them arguing over something dumb like is trump REALLY an overgrown cheeto but also everyone on campus loves it
  • minus their ACTUAL friends who are like can you two please be quiet for like a minute and ten and johnny are both like excuse me no and taeil is like rip my ears
  • but they’re best buddies,,,,,,,it’s very adorable 
  • ten’s dad even calls johnny to ask if ten is doing well in uni and johnny always try to make something up before ten steals the phone and has to explain in rushed thai that NO he didn’t get a tattoo on his forehead
  • accidentally got confused for being a part of the uni mens volleyball team because of his height
  • misses chicago and has pictures up of it and his family in his dorm and everyone is like wow johnny you’re such a sentimental guy but like LMAO HE REALLY IS HE CRIED DURING THE LION KING anyway
  • you’re not a film student at all,,,,,you’re actually pretty camera shy and so you think watching movies is cool and all but you’d like,,,,,,never dream of being an actor or something like that
  • which is ok because your major has nothing to do with that line of work and your part-time job is as a dog walker in the city on weekends
  • and one weekend you’re doing your job,,,,,the last dog you’re walking for the day is a cute corgi named mr. squiggles 
  • when suddenly someone taps you on the shoulder and to your shock you turn around and see ???? johnny
  • who you know just because a friend of yours is in a class with him and he’s kinda hard to miss ,,,,,,, he’s basically a walking skyscraper 
  • but you’re like “oh h-hi?” assuming he might have recognized you from uni but johnny isn’t looking at you
  • he’s looking at mr. squiggles and then at you and going 
  • “you two would be perfect for my project! have you ever wanted to do acting???”
  • for a second you think you might just be making this up in your mind but you blink a couple of times and johnny is STILL standing in front of you
  • looking more excited than mr. squiggles whose small stubby legs are pawing at johnny’s jeans and asking for him to bend down and pet him
  • and you’re like “uh,,,,,,n-no?”
  • johnny does bend down,,,,giving the corgi a couple of pats on the head only to look up at you again and go “but i think this dog has!!!! do you think you could be in my film?”
  • johnny’s eyes turn up as he smiles,,,looking at you almost expectingly,,,,,
  • until you scoop up mr. squiggles in your hands and shake your head explaining that for one,,,,,the dog isn’t yours,,,,,,this is your job and two,,,,,being filmed is a bit-
  • johnny’s smile drops into a childish pout and he reaches out to scratch the pups ear going “but you guys are perfect for the scene,,,,,and it’ll be short!!!! can you ask his owner??”
  • and you wanna be like excuse me i gotta go im getting a call but then u know,,, johnny goes to uni with you so maybe not making a fool of yourself is the right call so you just shrug and mumble that you’ll ask 
  • johnny’s grin returns and he quickly takes something out of his back pocket,,,,,which you realize is a scrap of notebook paper with a number scrawled on it
  • and he’s like i make this in case i find people on the street i want to cast,,,,,text me if the owner says yes!!! ill keep the spot open for you and -
  • he motions to mr.squiggles in your hands and you go “oh his name is mr. squiggles” and johnny bursts into cheerful laughter like “that’s PERFECT!! ill be waiting for your message”
  • and with that he’s off,,,,,you left holding the dog and the paper with his number and thinking to yourself that,,,,maybe johnny will just,,,,,,,,,,forget?
  • i mean he probably doesnt even know you go to the same uni,,,,,you reason as you put mr.squiggles down and go back to your walk
  • ,,,,,,out of curiosity though when you return him to his owners you ask ,,,,, would they let him be in a movie some time and the owner claps their hands together and is like ofc!!!! mr.squiggles is a born STAR!!!!! why is a friend of yours looking -
  • and you’re like nope no im just asking see you next saturday
  • come monday you’ve basically forgot about the whole thing,,,convinced johnny is popular enough to find other people to act for him
  • when you’re waiting in line to get coffee at the cafe and someone goes “hey!!!! what did mr.squiggle’s parents say?”
  • and it’s,,,,loud so everyone turns to look at you because mr.squiggles-?
  • and you’re like,,,what who??? only to see johnny standing behind you in line and you’re like oh myGOD
  • and he’s like “i knew id seen you before!!! cool that we go to the same school, so can you guys do it-?”
  • and you’re like “o,,,oh they said n-no so im sorry but-”
  • johnny clicks his tongue but waves his hand and is like nO SWEAT we can find another dog you walk dogs right????? do you think anyone else would be cool with it??
  • and you’re like dogs? what are dogs? idk any dogs? ahahahah
  • but johnny is like you told me you walk dogs,,,,,right??? im sure someone is ok with having their pup on screen plus it’s for a class so really-
  • your turn to order comes up and you quickly spout it out just to be like “oh, im sorry i have to go-” to johnny
  • rushing over to the pick up counter and thankfully,,,,a small black coffee is fast to make,,,,so you grab it and johnny makes a point to try and call out to you but you’re like class!!!! gtg!!!!
  • and with that you’re gone,,,,,looking solemnly down at the coffee in your hand and crinkling your nose because the last time you drank coffee was the last time you had a math final in high school
  • but also,,,,,why did johnny have to remember??? why did you have to bump into him???? what kind of weird coincidence???
  • but also you’re sure you’re off the hook this time,,,,like you told him mr.squiggles was unavailable and it wasnt like your classes ever clashed with film majors so you were home free
  • but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • you weren’t
  • a couple of days later johnny saw you in the library,,, asking again if you were up for the part
  • unenthusiastically you explained that all the dog owners said no so,,,,,,and johnny said it was fine again that he knew some people with dogs so-
  • but you ducked out of there again saying you had a study group to meet up with
  • another time you were on the quad and johnny sat down next to you,,,,asking how you were and if you weren’t busy to talk
  • once again you checked your phone and pretended to take a call
  • and honestly,,,,,,you don’t know WHY you can’t just tell him you can’t act- or more like you don’t want to act
  • because you’re convinced he can find someone else so easily that the pursuant asking you ,,,,, you just didn’t get it
  • not until you overhear a couple of people talking about how they’ve never seen johnny hold out for this long,,,,,usually he’s the first one to start filming ,,,,, but something is taking him so long this time
  • and with a slightly guilty conscious you take out your phone,,,the paper with johnny’s number is still tucked in your wallet and you fish it out too,,,inputting it and typing out a text
  • ‘im sorry ive avoided you about this, but im not a,,,,,,,im not an actor. i dont want to mess up your movie so i hope someone else can be the better fit’.
  • you send it,,,,,hoping you weren’t being to blunt but an hour later your phone lights up and johnny’s reply is ‘that’s ok! im sorry for bothering you, it was really uncool of me to keep chasing you - i didn’t know you were uncomfortable and i was being a douche. tell mr.sqiggles i still think he’s a star in the making!’
  • smiling down at the cute response and the line of dog emojis and stars you go back to your homework,,,,,but it’s a little hard because,,,,,,why’s johnny so much cuter to you all of a sudden
  • a couple of weeks go by and you stumble across what looks like a film set near the dog park you frequent on your job
  • and your entire pack starts tugging on their leashes in excitement and barking because of all the new people and cool looking cameras and you’re like “guys!!! calm down” 
  • and you notice someone turn around and it’s johnny??? he waves at you and you’re like “he-hey?? are you filming here??” and johnny nods and is like “it’s a little film im doing about a dog and their owner and they can like,,,,,,,talk to each other and the dog gossips about other dogs it’s kind of a comedy??? romance i guess”
  • and you’re like oo a romance featuring cute dogs cant go wrong with that and johnny is like exactly,,,,101 dalmatians,,,,,airbud - not romantic but dogs so
  • you giggle and you’re like well!! ill try to keep the kids from barking too much but!!
  • johnny grins and squats down,,, mr.squiggles running toward him like johnny’s been his owner for yEARS and licking his face and johnny is like it’s still a shame i couldn’t cast this lil guy
  • you smile,,,and johnny says he’s going to be filming for a bit but that it was nice talking
  • and you know,,, you go to the dog park and play a bit not noticing johnny whose struggling with the actors on set and some of the crew and usually johnny is really good with people 
  • but the way the lead isn’t getting along with the dog is stressing him out and at some point johnny is like “it’s fine, ill scrape this idea” and someone mentions that the deadline to hand it in is three days away and johnny is like “it doesn’t matter, i don’t think it’s going to work out and im not giving unfinished garbage to the professor.”
  • you look up seeing that most of the people are gone except for johnny and you pick up mr.squiggles and go over to him and you’re like “you look down,,,,,so i brought this guy to maybe help you smile?” 
  • johnny looks up from his head in his hands and gives a sad chuckle that you’ve never seen from him and you’re like whats wrong
  • and he’s like “i think,,,,im not going to be able to finish this.” and you’re like why not??? you had people here and stuff and he’s like sometimes things don’t work out
  • and you’re like do you have time?? and johnny mumbles that three days isn’t enough, even if the whole thing is fifteen minutes long
  • you see the defeat in his eyes,,,,which is hard to imagine since this is the johnny that never seems to give up
  • so with a tiny swallow you go “i,,,,,,,,,ill help. mr. squiggles too.”
  • johnny raise an eyebrow and shakes his head,,,,,saying that he can’t force you to help him, that’d be fucked up of him and you’re like you’re not!!!! consider it a change of heart
  • johnny motions to mr.squiggles and goes “didn’t their owners refuse-?” and you’re like “hahahah abOUT THAT,,,,,anyway what do we have to do??”
  • johnny explains the jist of the plot,,,,,you and mr.squiggles can understand each other and talk about the other dogs but you meet another owner who can speak to his dog too and you,,,,,basically fall in love
  • and you’re like giggling because ok,,,, a bit corny but u like it
  • and you’re like whose going to play the love interest?? and johnny looks around and is like i,,,, think im gonna have to do it because all the other footage is unusable. the dog tried to pee on the leads so -
  • and you’re like oh my gosh,,, well ok,,,,,,let’s try
  • to your surprise you’re not AS nervous in front of the camera as you thought
  • maybe because holding mr. squiggles calms you down or maybe it’s the way johnny is patient and encouraging 
  • but when all your individual cuts are done johnny is like “ok we have on thing left, where we meet and,,,,,well,,,,,,,mr. squiggles is supposed to tell you to ask me out” and you’re like oh,,, Oh,,, ok ,,,, well,, ahem
  • and johnny sets the camera to record and rushes over to sit beside you on the bench,,,pretending to look over at the other side of the park
  • and you’re like “oh,,,,shh ,,,, shh what? h- he isn’t cute???? i- what??? you want me to ask for his number???”
  • johnny turns around,,,putting his arm over the bench and going “are you talking to your dog?” and you jump a little almost forgetting the line and you’re like 
  • “i,,,,im not,,,,,” and johnny, effortlessly slides closer to you on the bench and is like “well, whoever told you to ask for my number is right - do you want it?”
  • feeling your cheeks glow red you nod and johnny is supposed to lean in closer but you’re kinda like !!! so you lift mr. squiggles up and he licks at johnny’s face and ,,,, after a moment you’re like im sorry!!!!! that wasn’t in the script
  • but johnny bursts into laughter and is like you know what,,,i think it’s a great ending shot 
  • you realize you’re close to having to drop the pups off so you gather mr. squiggles and tell johnny it was,,,,fun and that you hope he gets a good grade
  • johnny seems to want to say something,,, but you’re like im not avoiding you this time - i actually really need to go
  • and as you’re running back to get the rest of the dogs you hear him call out your name and he’s like “let me repay you with dinner sometime???” and you’re like “sounds good!!!”
  • after getting back to campus from work, you drop your things off in your dorm and you check your phone to see a text from johnny
  • ‘are you free tomorrow night?’ you smile,,,,thinking for a second and your roommate is like why do you look so happy - is it a date????? and you’re like WHAT,,,,,,NO,,,,,,,SHUTUP
  • but you say you are and the next night you meet up with johnny off campus and he’s telling you about this restaurant a friend of his opened and then you notice it,,,, the slight darkness under his eyes and you’re like johnny did you sleep??
  • and he’s like oh no i stayed up editing,,,, also this afternoon i had to help hyungsik with his shooting so 
  • and you’re like oh my god go home and sleep but he’s like no!! i gotta take you out and pay you for your help,,,,,and since i don’t have actual money please consider this food as payment
  • and you’re like shdlfkjds johnny and he’s like it’s good food,,,,,so???
  • even though he’s obviously tired,,, johnny still manages to keep up an exciting conversation and you try to get him to split the bill but he’s like nooooooo i am a respectful chicago gentleman 
  • and ur like ,,, does a respectful chicago gentleman try to mimic a parrot in a resturant and he’s like i see your point but let me live?
  • and johnny is ,,,, someone you never thought you’d hang out with one on one just because he’s bright and attracts attention 
  • and he’s a silly, handsome guy??? like???? getting near him seems like a feat but here you are,,, after diner walking to the arcade and johnny winning you a stuffed animal in one of those crane games but also completely losing to you in tekken 5
  • and you’re like,,,,, it’s nice to be like this with him and it’d be nice,,,,,,, to get to know him more
  • so you’re sad when the night ends and you guys are on your way back to uni on a crowded train and johnny keeps moving his body so no one is squishing up against you and it’s ,,,,,,,,, it is like a date but you refuse to let yourself cave to that mentality
  • but then as you get off at your stop, johnny’s hand slides into yours and it’s ,,,,, natural almost
  • and you get to campus and he’s like thanks for letting me take you out,,,and for being in my film
  • and you’re like haha,,, to quote you - no sweat!!! 
  • and it’s silent,,,but you’re still holding hands and you’re not quite sure what that means
  • until johnny goes “i don’t want to be awkward but - this was a date, right? can i call it a date?”
  • and you’re like OH WELL,,,,,,,,,um,,,,,,,,, and you’re like “i’d like if it was a date,,,,”
  • and johnny is like me too because then that means there can be more,,,,,dates,,,,,,,,for us,,,,,,,for me to take you on,,,,,,,,,am i making sense i feel like im not making sense
  • but you’re like!!!!! you are,,,,making sense,,,,,,
  • johnny grins and even in the nights dark light you can see the cute expression on his face and you’re like hey can you bend forward a little bit and he’s like oh?
  • and you lean up, kissing his cheek quickly before letting go of his hand and saying that you’ll see him ,,,, on the second date???
  • and you’re halfway across the quad to your dorm when you hear someone running behind you and you turn just to be tackled into a hug
  • and it’s johnny,,, you can tell by the way his hair tickles your cheeks and his frame is wide and he smells,,,,so distinct 
  • and he’s like “sorry,,i couldn’t wait till the second date,,,” and you’re like fldkjsde please,,,,
  • but it’s cute haha when he lets you go you guys wave goodbye and when you get home your roommate is like “ah, so how was the date?” and you’re like IT WASNT —- ok it was and it was amazing
  • dating johnny,,, is exactly what you all expect it to be
  • he’s an affection moNSTER and i mean that in the BEST way possible like he is FULL of love to give at ALL TIMES
  • forehead kisser extraordinaire 
  • showers you in compliments and talks about you to everyone he meets honestly the night after your first date ten,,,,,,in his pajamas half awake had to listen to johnny talk for exactly one hour and forty three minutes about everything that happened between you two and at the end of the night ten was like “i got it,,,,they sparkle like the stars in the sky ok can i go sleep- yes you told me about how they remind you of the best days of summer ok im going to sleep now jOHNNY SHUT UP”
  • for someone whose confident in their skills,,,, johnny got shy about showing you the end project of his film but when he did he was like “did you like it??” and you’re like yes!! im sorry for my bad acting also mr.squiggles says hi
  • and johnny is like tbh i love that dog and ur like more than me and he’s like yeah and ur like thats cool i love him more than i love you too
  • johnny: WHAT
  • you: dogs > boys, a cardinal rule
  • also you learned from jaehyun that the reason johnny stayed up all night to edit was because he was apparently watching the clips of you over and over again and being like they’re so cute,,,,
  • and you’re like no way
  • and jaehyun was like you don’t have to believe me but ten has a video and ten is like i do wanna see
  • and it’s true,,,,,johnny literally was sitting at his computer with the goofiest grin on his face looking at you like they’re adorable,,,, ft. ten’s snickering in the bg
  • johnny doesnt know ten took the video,,,, but when he found out he chased him across campus but tbh you just thought it was super cute of your boyfriend 
  • is tall and therefore whenever it rains he does this thing where he puts his hands over your head and is like “im ur umbrella” and you’re like ,,,,, im still getting wet and he’s like “,,,,,,,,,,listen im not a GOOD umbrella, but im YOUR umbrella” and you’re like oh my god you’re a dork that’s what you are and you’re my dork so it’s ok
  • johnny calls you love unironically and you’re like are you british or and he’s like WOW LET ME BE CUTE WITH YOU PLEASE 
  • once mark drew a flower on your wrist or something and johnny was like draw one on me too and mark was like why and johnny was like because we’re a couple mark and i want to match
  • im just saying johnny seo is a corny couple items guy like look at the man
  • thinks the most useless things are cute and buys them for you and you’re like johnny i didn’t really need this mickey mouse ice cream scooper and he’s like ok but it’s cute tho??? and ur like saVE YOUR MONEY YOUR MINOR IS BUSINESS And johnny is like IM TRYING IM AN IMPULSE SPENDER 
  • also everything cute just seemingly reminds him of you like the boy is heart eyes for you ok
  • probably a really loose-lipped drunk,,,,, honestly texts you like paragraphs about how he’s going to make a movie dedicated to you but the typing is l1k3 th*$ 
  • he’s late to dates a lot but not because he doesn’t care or something but because he’s always busy helping someone film and you don’t mind but you’re like johnny take a break and he’s like i will but also hyuk was telling me about this sci-fi animation he’s gonna do and he might need me-
  • and you just motion for him to open his mouth so you can put some food in it and you’re like shhh just eat first talk later (this is hard since johnny loves to talk,,,,,,,,,)
  • is dramatic about anniversaries and holidays but it’s romantic and cheesy like yes he bought you bear the same size as him for valentines day and YES he recited a monologue from ‘the notebook’ to you on your birthday because that’s who johnny is 
  • texts you about what outfit to wear and you’re like huh what is that and johnny is like im going though a hippie phase should i wear this tie-dye t-shirt OR this tie-dye t-shirt
  • and you’re like wear a white t-shirt right now johnny and put the tie-die away
  • him: but baby i-
  • you: right now. away.
  • asks you for updates on mr. squiggles and you once told the owner your boyfriend really likes their dog and the owner was DELIGHTED she invited johnny and you to dinner and it was,,,,,,the most funny thing
  • to see johnny get tipsy on wine and gush over movies from the thirties with this little old lady????? priceless 
  • johnny: you know she’s much older now but bettie davis was a hottie,,,,,
  • you: oh my god
  • johnny: i won’t lie,,,,,im still into john travolta the man hasn’t aged-
  • you: put the drink down
  • when you guys talk on the phone,,,,you’ve noticed that johnny’s voice gets lower at night and it’s really nice and you’ll never tell him because you know he’ll tease you but,,,,,,wow
  • speaking of other really nice things johnny had invited you over to his dorm while ten was away with family and you guys were supposed to use the blank wall and project some movies on it and cuddle
  • but at some point the movie was the last thing on your mind because johnny’s half-lidded eyes and lips spread apart are PRETTY hard to ignore
  • also johnny is such a,,,,,physical person that he knows what to do with his hands and his mouth and long story short you ended up tangled in mr seo
  • and only after did you realize that the movie was over and you were like ,,,,,, should i play another one
  • and johnny pulling you right back ontop of him was like no no there’s more important things to do
  • johnny is a show off when it comes to relationships so the next day doyoung was eating and was like whats that on your neck - you got a rash?
  • and johnny was like nah my s/o stayed the night and doyoung was like oh and mark choked on his rice
  • does this thing that when he’s thinking to fast he’ll switch from korean to english and then backtrack and translate what he said and sometime’s he’ll stutter over this or that
  • and you’re like johnny you’re so cute but gather your thougths you don’t alWAYS have to be talking
  • and he’s just like,,,,,,,,,,you’re right but tbh if im not talking what can my mouth be doing and you’re like rolling your eyes but you’re like “kissing me?”
  • and he grins like eXACTLY come here
  • you guys kiss a lot just so you know like wanna know something about johnny? he’d kiss you till you were breathless jot that down
  • you asked him where his backpack was once and johnny was like i dont carry one everythings in my head
  • and you’re like what about that test in finance that you’re gonna have and his eyes got wide and he’s like i,,,,,,,,,,gtg get the notes off of someone see you later
  • told you his dream vacation isn’t chicago anymore,,,,like he wants to see his family so bad but he also wants to take a roadtrip with you and see you under all those stars beside him
  • and you were like we should do it sometime but i have a feeling we’d open the trunk and ten would be there
  • also you know this conversation has happened like one too many times
  • ten: you know, if you two have kids i want to be the godfather
  • you: what if we don’t, what if we adopt a cat or something
  • ten: then i want to be the godfather of the cat duh
  • you:
  • johnny: you know it ten, we’re brothers for life come and hug me
  • as silly and as romantic and fun as johnny is,,,,,he’s still got some reservations about himself and sometimes he jokingly,,,,mentions that it must be hard to love someone like him - always making mistakes or saying something embarrassing
  • but you always assure him that people aren’t supposed to be perfect, that you think he’s damn near close to it and you wouldn’t stop loving him over things that are only human
  • but if he does call you banana pumpkin angel in front of your friends again- and johnny is like fine fine ill stop using fruits for petnames,,,,,,,,,,,,my cherry sunshine universe and you’re like WHY do you INSIST ON BEING SO CORNY
  • and he’s like dont’ you love it though???? secretly??? just a little
  • and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,,fine yes i do god no wonder you’re a film major your brain is TOO Creative for it’s own good
  • johnny kissing up your arms to tickle you and make you feel better when you’re sad
  • also johnny would completely 100% let you borrow his sweaters and even if you’re wearing one just because it’s comfy and you have study hall 
  • he’d lean over to the person beside you two and be like “they’re wearing my clothes, don’t they look cute?” and the person is like ???? and you’re pulling johnny back over to you by the ear and you’re like boy
  • calls up the uni radio and requests that they play your favorite song every weekend without failure
  • and you’ll hear it and even if you’re not with johnny you can feel your heart burst because he’s the kind of boyfriend that remembers the smallest little details and shows you his love whenever he can
  • and there’s nothing better than having someone adore you like johnny seo adores you 

doyoung | jaehyuntaeyong | yuta | bangtan | vixx | monsta x | got7 + kard + amber | seventeen

When They Try to Take Us Down

Summary: Phil doesn’t like when hate preachers come to campus. They make him nervous and uncomfortable. But this time, Dan is there to help him through it in an unexpected, yet pleasant way.
Word Count: 2,201
Warnings: homophobic slurs, hate speech, anxiety
Title creds: Let the Flames Begin - Paramore
A/N: Thank you to @snowbunnylester (as always) for prompting me this! I’ve been on a writing splurge lately and I honestly don’t know how I’m doing it. Lemme know it you like this!

Read it on AO3

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There is an angry aura surrounding campus in the form of ignorant slurs and angry responses. This only happens on the occasion, but it makes Phil nervous each time, a pit in his stomach and his throat closing up as he tries to walk as fast as possible past the angry crowd.

There was a man, dressed in preacher’s clothes and holding a sign with a list of the types of people who were going to “go to hell”. Phil didn’t have to look to know that homosexuals and masturbators and adulterers were on the list. He swallowed and ducked his head, trying to move as fast as he could. Dan was ahead of him, probably shaking his head and scoffing as he does every time they passed by a preacher like this. Sometimes Phil thinks he’s more upset about this kind of thing than Phil is, despite being the heterosexual one in their friendship, just by the way he wasn’t afraid to shout his opinions right back.

Keep reading

the saga of is it a fic or are they headcanons continues.  parts one, TWO (this one!), three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

  • so michelle starts to get buddy buddy with ned and peter, ish.
  • she starts to actually kind of like ned, even if he sometimes puts his foot in his mouth sometimes. but they argue about the merits of comic books as a form of literature and he teaches her some words in tagalog and she learns how to call peter a son of a bitch so she’s pretty entertained.
  • but the weird things just keep piling up with peter.
  • he rushes off at random times, freezes whenever she asks him where he’s going, shows up to school with cuts and bruises looking like he’s been fighting in an underground boxing ring. she even saw him go into the chemistry lab the other day at lunch time even though they both took chemistry last year and he’s taking biology now.
  • he just does really weird things sometimes and michelle can’t help but notice.
  • michelle also can’t help but notice that spiderman is becoming more and more popular. people sell t-shrits, masks, shot glasses, tote bags. everything, basically. and maybe one day michelle might spend a little too much time looking at a t-shirt with a picture of spiderman in all his toned, muscly glory. but she just shakes her head and keeps moving.
  • she gets curious about him, though. where did he come from? who is he? why is he doing this? why did he sound oddly familiar in DC when he saved her friends?
  • and then one day she’s walking home from school after academic decathlon and she missed the bus which is totally her fault for staying later after practice to chat with peter and ned about the upcoming weekend and how their plans to construct a lego version of the starship enterprise were so utterly boring she could barely stand to listen to them. (and weren’t people supposed to choose star wars or star trek? was that not a thing? not that she cares about things peter likes. well, peter AND ned. anyway.)
  • she’s turning a corner when she sees someone out of the corner of her eyes. there is a man on the opposite side of the street walking several yards back from here. it could be nothing. but she’s also been taught to always be on high alert. so she grips her backpack to her body a bit tighter and walks a little faster down the street, cursing herself for not taking the more populated albeit slightly longer route home.
  • she continues down the street when she notices the man cross the street so that he’s on the same side of the road as she and at that point she just starts running. better that he thinks she’s odd if he isn’t following her than be caught if he is trying to catch her. she sprints down the street and turns another corner as she looks back to check if the man is following her and then bam. she’s on the ground, gripping the shoulder that practically crashed into a brick wall.
  • “oh my goodness, are you okay?” she sighs and looks at the owner of the panicked voice and she is left speechless. it’s…well, it’s spiderman.

Keep reading

Lena’s First Game Night

Lena Luthor does not shy away from challenges.

She’s tackled hostile business men – perhaps not literally (that’s her new girlfriend’s job), but effectively – and she’s survived her mother (enough said).

But this? This overly-casual invite from Kara?

“You don’t have to, you know, I know how busy you are, but if you wanted to, I’d love you to get to know everyone, but you know, you don’t have to – “

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kara, of course I’d love to spend more time with your friends.”

This sends her into a spiral that has her digging into her purse for her anti-anxiety medication, because she wasn’t lying when she told Kara that she was her only friend in National City.

But she was exaggerating slightly; because Kara was her only friend… anywhere.

So this idea? This idea of taking off her CEO blazer and fuck-me pumps to sit on a throw blanket with Kara and her sister and her sister’s girlfriend and their best friends – their family – and play board games and Mario Kart like she’s not horrific? Like she’s not vile?

Like she’s not a Luthor?

This idea is at once the nicest, kindest, sweetest thing anyone has ever proposed to her; and also the most terrifying.

Maggie knows, and Maggie talks her way past Jess: it’s not that hard, she just mentions Pam from HR and their outing the other night when Jess had that late meeting, and when it becomes clear that Maggie had no love for arresting Lena earlier; when it becomes clear that she’s concerned about her girlfriend’s kid sister’s girlfriend (”queer girl geography, right?” she jokes), Jess lets her through.

“Here to escort me out of my own building in handcuffs again, Detective Sawyer?” Lena glances up, holding in the amount hostility she’d normally show for Kara’s sake.

“Here to escort you to your girlfriend’s place for game night, actually.” Lena looks up from her paperwork with a slightly furrowed brow, and Maggie puts left hand under her lip briefly.

“Look, I… I didn’t have much by way of family. Before National City. Before Alex. And now… it’s scary. It’s scary, having people who just… accept you without an agenda, and want you to come eat potstickers and play crappy 90s board games in your socks on their living room floor, especially when they’re all already…”

“Family,” Lena supplies, skepticism still in her voice but shocked warmth growing in her eyes.

“Yeah. But Kara… Kara’s wild about you, Lena, and I… Here’s the thing. I understand what it’s like to feel like you don’t deserve a Danvers girl. But instead of beating myself up about it, I just try to earn it – earn her, earn Alex – every day. And I know you do the same for Kara. And she wants you there tonight, Lena. No one’s going to test you, no one’s going to ask you to prove yourself.”

Lena tries to swallow the tears stinging her eyes – she’s deeply unfamiliar with this feeling – and she bites her bottom lip slightly, at a loss for words.

“Unless you try to verse Winn in Mario Kart. He will try to crush you.”

Lena laughs, softly but irrepressibly, and Maggie grins. “Yes, he would be competitive about that sort of thing, wouldn’t he?”

Maggie nods and shoves her hands deep in her pockets. “I know Kara was gonna pick you up to take you over to her place, but I just… I don’t know. I could have used a pep talk from someone that wasn’t my girlfriend before my first game night with the squad, so… consider yourself pep talked.”

If Lena is expecting Maggie to ask anything in return – to hold anything over her for her kindness – she’s mistaken, because by the time she and Kara slip into an already full apartment about an hour later, Maggie greets her warmly from the floor, from Alex’s arms, but doesn’t give any indication that they’d just talked. Doesn’t give any indication that she’d just reached out to try to be Lena’s… friend.

“James Olsen,” James shakes her hand near the door with a small smile, and Lena gulps almost imperceptibly.

“A Pulitzer Prize winner, I daresay I know who you are, Mr. Olsen.” Also Kara’s ex. The pit in her stomach grows wider, but James smiles broadly.

“It’s just James,” he assures her, and pulls Kara into a hug.

“I’m happy for you,” he whispers, and she kisses his cheek while still holding Lena’s hand. Or, more accurately, while Lena keeps her hand in a vice-like grip.

She’s already met Alex, Winn, and Maggie, so none of them bother getting up, all engrossed in some sort of card game that has Winn screaming something about cheating and index fingers and unfairness in between waving enthusiastically at Lena.

She perches on the couch in front of them all as Kara sinks back in the pillows.

“It’s okay, Lena, you can relax. I promise,” she whispers, and Lena melts and leans back into her.

Alex glances up and grins.

“I hope your thumbs are ready for war,” she says, and Lena blanches slightly. Maggie leans her head back into Alex’s shoulder so she can meet Lena’s eyes.

“She means Mario Kart.”

“Winn takes it very seriously.”

“Hey, so does Kara, it’s not just me!”

“Oh please, Schott, you almost gave Maggie a bloody nose with your flailing last week!”

“The key word is almost, Danvers!”

“Yeah Alex, no need to take out my tech man with some index finger trick just because your girl’s face got in the way of his maneuvering – sorry Maggie – “

“Not at all, Olsen, I’ll just make sure to toss some turtle shells at you – “

“You wouldn’t – “

“Try me!”

Kara laughs along with the banter, and Lena just tries to follow it all. Kara watches her carefully, a soft smile on her face. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she kisses her cheek, and James smiles affectionately and nudges Winn.

“We’re outnumbered, man.”

Winn laughs happily and tosses aside his cards – he would never admit it to Alex, but he was losing anyway – to set up Mario Kart as Alex takes the opportunity of Kara’ diverted attention to kiss Maggie senseless.

Between Winn’s excited yelling and wild gesturing, James’s cheering a squinting, focused Kara on, and Maggie’s cheering a pursed-lips, focused Alex on, none of them notice immediately.

None of them notice immediately that Lena is silent but Lena is determined. That Lena’s expression is set, is fire, is blazing with the shock of being surrounded by people who love having her there, who toss their arms around her to grab more popcorn easily, who make sure she’s getting enough to eat, to drink.

Who only ignore her when they’re focusing on driving their Mario Kart characters forward.

Who notice her – who care – at every moment except exactly when she wants to be stealthy. When she wants to sneak up behind all of them, perfectly calculated to pull ahead with a burst of speed just on the last lap, with a brilliantly timed maneuver that puts her strategically-chosen Toad kart ahead of everyone else’s for a first-place win.

Kara beams and bounces on her seat and squeals because if she can’t win, then her girlfriend definitely should; Alex tosses down her controller and exchanges a slack-jawed expression of begrudging admiration with Winn; and James and Maggie try their very hardest not to giggle, not to tease Kara, Alex, and Winn over the ultimate Mario Kart upset.

Lena smiles nervously into the silence and shrugs. “It’s all about strategy, isn’t it?”

She gulps and she fights down panic and she fights down agony because maybe she shouldn’t have won. Maybe they accepted her only before she stole their spotlight, their rush.

But then Alex is leaning in and Alex is grinning and Alex is more than the hardcore, take-no-prisoners agent that unflinchingly and single-handedly blew up Lena’s mother’s most updated facility, because Alex is congratulating her and Alex is, “Okay, you’re definitely coming to this every week. Anyone who can make Winn lose like that? Definitely a keeper.”

She squeezes her sister’s knee and Kara beams and practically tackles Alex with a hug and Maggie nudges Lena softly while James and Winn egg on the tickle fight that ensues.

“Our Danvers girls, huh?”

Lena fights down tears again, worn out Play Station controller still in her hands. But this time, the tears aren’t anxiety or disbelief or distrust.

This time, the tears are just happy.

“Our Danvers girls, indeed.”

The bet

(A/N): YOU GUYS I LOVE PREWAR BUCKY SO MUCH (please send me more prewar requests, I’m begging you)

Request:Hey 👋🏻 ❤ So could I request a 40’s Bucky x reader?the reader is very shy and a friend of Peggy. Bucky is the ladies man. One night they all went to a party and Bucky asked the reader out as a bet she said yes and they became a couple. Bucky begins to fall in love with the reader. After a while she discovers by accident about the bet and her heart got broken. Bucky does not give up on her and tries to win her back! With a happy ending,angst and fluff!! Thank you love you 💛💙

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @saradi1018, @holland-toms, @superwholockian309, @fly-f0rever, @capbuckthor, @livandlilah, @callmeoncette


Originally posted by almie18

   Bucky was bored, Steve was bored but Peggy was having the time of her life. The three of them were out celebrating the end of the war, the fact they were still alive; In fact, it seemed everyone was out celebrating their win. The bar was crammed full of men and women, all dancing and drinking, having a jolly good time, everyone except Bucky and Steve. Peggy had had one too many drinks and she was content to talk the entire night away, boring both men into a light sleep. The only thing that woke them up was when Steve accidentally let his head slip out of his hands and he smacked the table, jolting both men awake. Bucky looked around in shock, before looking at Steve who was now rubbing at his red forehead. Bucky snickered softly, shaking his head but his laughter immediately died when his eyes caught something lingering at the entrance. 

   A young girl, around Peggy’s age, was standing at the entrance to the bar, looking rather anxious. Immediately she perked up as she looked in his direction. Bucky thought she was smiling at him but he quickly realized he was wrong when Peggy jumped up and rushed over to her to hug her. 

   "(Y/N), you’re here!“ 

   "I wouldn’t miss out on the chance to see you,” She smiled gently, showcasing her beautiful smile. 

   Bucky looks at the two interacting for quite some time, entrance with (Y/N) but a quick tap to his shoulder quickly snapped him out of his trance.

    “I’ve got a dare for you,” Steve smirks coolly as he folds his arms over his chest. “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you go and ask her out,” Bucky looks at him, furrowing his brows. 

   "Okay…what’s the catch?“ 

   "You have to date her for more than four months,”

    “no,” Bucky shakes his head, folding his arms over his chest. “No way, do you know how many days that is that I’d have to go without kissing some cute blonde?” Steve chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

    “What about two hundred?” Bucky purses his lips in thought, humming softly as Peggy and (Y/N) approach the table, still talking to each other animatedly. 

   "Fine two hundred dollars,“ Steve chuckles as he leans back into his seat, closing his eyes once again.

    "Guess you’re gonna be out of two hundred dollars in a month," 

   "Whatever,” Bucky growls to Steve as Peggy and (Y/N) sit down. 

   "Steven, James, this (Y/N), a friend of mine,“

   "Hello,” Steve answers politely, giving (Y/N) a soft smile. Bucky on the other hand was going to be more flirtatious, he did have to win a bet after all.

      “Heya doll,” Bucky leans forward, smiling at (Y/N) smugly. The poor girl blushed madly, her entire face red as Bucky looked at her. 

   "Hi,“ (Y/N) replies quietly, her eyes glued to their hands as she does so. She was shy, Bucky loved the shy ones.

    "She recently moved to Brooklyn-" 

   "Good choice cutie,” Bucky winked at her and Bucky swore he’d never seen a face redder than hers. It was…cute. Most women were throwing themself at his feet, batting their eyelashes and acting all sorts of sweet and innocent but for once Bucky thought he’d found a girl who actually was what all those women pretended to be. She seemed so genuinely moved by his compliments, as though no one had ever called her cute nicknames or told her how cute she was. 

   Oh, Bucky was going to have fun with this one. 


   The “party” had dragged by painfully slow, with Peggy still rambling and (Y/N) occasionally breaking the constant talking with small input here and there. Every now and then Bucky would throw a compliment her way, a ‘your hair is looking fantastic’, or maybe a little something like 'Thats one hell of a dress’. E very time he so much looked her way she ended up blushing madly but nonetheless it always brought a small smile to her rosy cheeks.

    Around 10 Peggy finally crashed, quite literally too. She was slowly talking one second and then the next she was fast asleep. Steve picked her up and carried her home, leaving Bucky and (Y/N) all alone. He was of course going to walk her home, what kind of a man would he be if he didnt? And truthfully he was actually looking forward to some one on one time with (Y/N), she seemed beyond nice and Bucky wanted to get to know her more.

    “(Y/N)’s a gorgeous name,” Bucky states as he walks along, hands shoved in his pockets. Even in the dim lighting of Brooklyn he could see (Y/N)’s wild blush. “And that blush is pretty cute too,” Bucky smirks as (Y/N) cracks a wide smile, hanging her head to hide jus how much of an effect his words had on her. “So (Y/N), you got a man of your own?" 

   "Um no,” (Y/N) whispers, cheeks burning once again. 

   "No?“ Bucky asks dumbfoundedly. "That’s- no- that’s not possible, how can someone like you not be datin’ anyone?” (Y/N) shrugs, her ever present smile still there. 

   "I’m really quiet, guess that’s not something men these days like,“ 

   "I like it,” Bucky supplies rather quickly. “Shy gals are the cutest," 

   "Seems like you’re the only man on the face of the earth who thinks like that,”

    “Good,” Bucky smirks a bit, “more for me,” (Y/N) smiles, a wide toothy thing that had Bucky’s heart fluttering just a bit. “So (Y/N), I was wonderin’ if maybe you’d like to go out on a date sometime, I get if you don’t want to but you seem really nice and I’d love to get to know ya more,” (Y/N) looks at Bucky with a shocked expression, eyes wide and lips parted.

    “Are- are you serious?" 

   "Hell yeah I’m serious,” Bucky smiles at her widely. 

   "You’re not lying to me?“

    "No doll,” Bucky stops walking, turning to face her immediately. “I’m bein’ dead serious, I’d love to take you out for some dinner some time, maybe see a movie, go feed the ducks, whatever the hell you wanna do,” (Y/N) blushes once again but we smile is much brighter and bigger than he had ever seen it. 

   "I’d love that,“ Bucky sighs gratefully, internally chanting and rooting himself on. In five months he was going to have a nice stack of two hundred dollars in his hand… 


    Well- Bucky had fucked up Royally, what had supposed to be nothing more than a stupid bet had quickly turned into something more. Bucky quickly realized what a gem in the rough he’d found, (Y/N) was unlike any other girl he’d ever met. She was abnormally sweet, so caring, beyond adorable, and not to mention the most hilarious person he’d ever met.

    After having spent a couple of years with the military he was used to strong language, crude jokes but what he heard from (Y/N) completely topped anything he hear in the army. It was a huge surprise when one day whilst (Y/N) was cooking a meal for the two of then he quite suddenly heard a loud crash followed by (Y/N)’s feminine voice yelling a short but consice "Fuck!” Bucky didnt think he had laughed that hard in his entire life. But Bucky quickly learned that (Y/N) also had a bit of a feisty side. She was bound and determined to do everything herself, she didn’t need help doing a single thing. While most women would expect him to do everything (Y/N) would most likely punch him if he even thought about doing a single thing for her. She was different and Bucky loved that.

    It didn’t take him long to realize just how screwed he was. A month of dating each other and he realized he was in love. The damn idiot had actually fallen in love. Now, it was the five month mark and Bucky was as anxious for it as he could be. He couldn’t accept Steve’s money now, not after falling in love with (Y/N) and he sure as hell had to tell her about the bet, how horrible would it be of him to not to do so? He’d be the worst boyfriend on the face of the earth but whenever he tried to he’d choke up and refuse to tell her. But now he had really done it. 

   He had meant to tell her that night but then things went a little….sidewards and now he was laying in (Y/N)’s bed, butt fucking naked as he held a sleeping (Y/N). Her skin was still slightly sweaty from precious activities but if he even dared pulled away she’d begin to shiver and whine in her sleep so Bucky stayed by her side, holding her as close as humanly possible. 

   He’d tell her later, after she woke up. He’d make her a nice breakfast (even though she’d probably beat him for it), he try to explain it as nicely as he could and hope for the best. 


    “Wait…” (Y/N) looks at him, her eyes brimming with tears. “Are you- are you being serious?” Her tone was meek and quiet, just like the tone she usually had around anyone but him. Bucky sighs, his stomach twisted up in knots as he nods.

     "Yeah, yeah I am,“

    "I was just- I was just a bet to you?” (Y/N) squeaks, her voice breaking as her tears threatened to spill over. 

   It physically made Bucky sick to see (Y/N) hurting, especially because of him. He’d never seen her cry and the idea that he was the cause of these fresh tears made his heart ache. 

   "In the beginning yes but as soon as I took you on that first date I realized that you meant more than that-“ Bucky stops when (Y/N) sniffles, a single tear rolling down her beautiful cheeks. "Doll, I promise-” Bucky reached out to wipe the tear away but his hand froze in mid air as (Y/N) abruptly stood up, tears now freely sliding down her cheeks, turned on her heel and marched to Bucky’s front door. She grabbed her jacket and hand bag, not even giving Bucky a second glance as she did so.

     "(Y/N), doll, I promise it’s not like that anymore-“

     "Two hundred dollars?” (Y/N) looks at him, her beautiful lips trembling. “Two hundred dollars is all I mean to you?” Bucky’s heart aches, it hurts so fucking much and all he wants to do is reach out and hold (Y/N), comfort her and convince her that she meant the world to him. But before he could even open his mouth to respond (Y/N) slammed the door shut, leaving Bucky all alone in his apartment. 

    Bucky immediately ran to Steve’s place, damn well knowing that Peggy was probably there as well. His fist best upon the door loudly, he panted from the exertion of running god knows how many blocks, and his eyes burned with unshed tears. Immediately the door opened, revealing a rather dishelved looking Steve. 

   "Buck, uh- I’m kinda busy right now-“

    "Yeah, I can see that,” Bucky grumbles as he marches into Steve’s apartment, ignoring Steve’s cries not to. Bucky completely ignored the fact that Peggy was laying naked on the couch, a blanket wrapped around her body as she looked at Bucky in disappointment. “I fucked up Steve, I fucked up so bad," 

   "What? What’d you do?” Steve asks as he slams the front door shut, obviously unhappy with the way things were turning out. “I told (Y/N) about the bet,”

     "you- you- you fucking idiot! Why the hell would you do that?“ 

    "I thought she deserved to know!" 

    "God Bucky, what kind of an idiot does something like that?”

    “I do!" 

   "Wait-” Peggy raises a hand, silencing both boys. “What bet?” Both men sigh in disappointment, knowing that Peggy would beat both their asses for what they did.

     "That day in the bar, the day we returned home,“ 

    "Yes,” Peggy nods, acknowledging the memory.

     "Well I told Bucky that if he could date (Y/N) for a solid five months I’d give him two hundred dollars,“ Peggy looks between the two of them, dumbfounded, and even a bit hurt. The room is silent for far too long, no one says a word as Peggy sits there brewing in her anger. Both of the boys nearly cowered in fear, waiting for Peggy to snap and bite their heads off. 

   "You two-” Peggy whispers quietly, “Are the biggest dicks on the face of this earth!” Peggy chucks a pillow their way, cursing both of them to hell and back. “I can’t believe you’d do that!" 

   "I know,” Bucky cowers in fear as Peggy continues to throw pillows. “We were stupid!" 

   "I ought to get up and beat you to a bloody pulp, both of you!" 

    "Or you can help me fix this with (Y/N)!”

     "Why should I you heartless prick?“ 

    "Because I love her, okay! I love her more than I’ve ever loved anything in this world and I can’t- I can’t lose her,” Peggy finally settles down, looking at Bucky with a now much softer gaze. “I want to fix this, I want (Y/N) to know how much I love her.” Peggy sighs softly as she readjusts her blanket, pulling it up her body a little higher. 

    “She’s not going to be easy to win back, she’s sensitive and she likes to hold a grudge,” Bucky nods, sighing in defeat. “But I know you can win her back James,” Peggy smiles softly, “Plus with a little help from me you’ll be golden,” Bucky smiles, sighing in relief. 

    “Oh thank you so much Peggy, I can’t thank you enough," 

   "You can thank me by getting out of here, I’ll come buy Tommorrow to figure something out, okay?” Bucky nods as he runs a hand through his hair, gripping the strands gently.

    With Peggy’s help he actually had a chance at winning (Y/N) back, there was a glimmer of hope for him. He just hoped that he hadn’t hurt (Y/N) too much, he hoped it wasn’t too late to repair what they had.  


   "She loves the stars,“

     "Yeah, I know that Pegs,”

    “Loves chocolate," 

    "I know that too,”

     "She loves to read-“

     "Peggy, this is all shit I already know-”

    “She likes red wine too,”

    “How is this going to help me at all?”

    “Just combine them all together,” Peggy sighs, shaking her head. “A night under the stars, some chocolate and red wine, pick up a book for her," 

   "Peggy, Brooklyn is covered in snow, how am I supposed to-”

     "Stark has been working on this machine, more like a room really. Find (Y/N), tell her you’ll pick her up at six, I’ll give you directions to the place, you just show up with your stuff and I’ll have everything ready,“ 

    Bucky was a bit reluctant to agree, after all, what if Peggy screwed him over for making the bet? But this was the best plan he had right now so he had to roll with it even if his gut feeling was telling him it was a bad idea.


     Bucky rapped his knuckles against (Y/N)’s door, sighing shakily as he awaited an answer. 

    "Go away,” (Y/N)’s voice was soft, full of insecurity.

     "(Y/N), please just open up,“ 

  "Are you here to rub two hundred dollars in my face?” 

  “No, I’m here to ask you on a date-” 

  “a date? Are you serious?” 

  “Please (Y/N), just open up so I can talk to you,”

   “Why should I?” 

  “Please (Y/N),” Bucky rests his forehead against the cold wood door, sighing as he does. “I’m beggin’ ya doll,” Bucky could hear (Y/N) sigh softly and not a moment afterwards the door swung open, revealing a rather worn down looking (Y/N). Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, her hair was a mess, and the only piece of clothing around her body was an old robe. Even now Bucky found her stunning.

    “So…a date?” 

  “Yeah,” Bucky nods, trying to tear his eyes away from (Y/N)’s gorgeous form. 

   “I’ve picked some stuff up and I’ve got something special planned for us,”

   “Do I have to dress up?” Bucky smiles a bit, shaking his head as he does. 

  “Of course not, wear whatever you want,” 

  “…when do we leave?” 

  “Six,” (Y/N) sighs, resting her head against the doorframe. “I know I hurt you,” Bucky looks at his feet, shame flooding through his system. “It was stupid to even have the bet, I shouldn’t have done that to you and I’m so sorry (Y/N)-” 

  “It’s okay,” (Y/N) shrugs, “Guess it was the only way someone would ever want to date me-”

   “No doll,” Bucky takes a step forward to hold her, just like he usually did when she was hurting but this time he stopped himself, deciding against it. “That’s not true,”

   “that’s why you dated me, right? Had it not been for the bet you wouldn’t even be with me right now, would you?”

      “I don’t- I don’t know doll,” Bucky sighs, looking down to his hands once again.

       “Yeah…that’s what I thought,” Both of them fall silent for a bit, just staring at the ground, each one biting back their own words and feelings, too scared to share them at such a vulnerable moment. “I’ll be ready at 5:45,” (Y/N) finally speaks, their voice so quiet Bucky had to strain to hear it. “You can come pick me up then,” Bucky nods, sighing shakily as he does,

      “Sounds good,” He gave (Y/N) a gentle smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes like it usually did. (Y/N) smiles back, mirroring his expression as she murmurs okay and gently closes the door, leaving Bucky all alone on their doorstep.

     Well, she had said yes, that was a start.


    As promised Bucky was there at 5:45, knocking on (Y/N)’s door gently. Immediately it swung open, revealing the girl herself and holy shit- she damn near took Bucky’s breath away. She wasn’t dressed in anything extravagant, just a simple floral dress, she didn’t even have a lick of makeup on and Bucky still thought she looked far more beautiful than any other woman he’d laid eyes on.

  “You look amazing,” Bucky whispers, his eyes unashamedly raking over (Y/N)’s form. A slight blush rise to her cheeks, the same blush that made Bucky fall in love and suddenly he felt like he was on his first date all over again.

   “Thank you,” (Y/N) whispers all shy and timidly, making Bucky’s heart flutter lightly.

  “I uh- I’d ask to hold your hand but I think you’d break my hand if I did,” Bucky smiles sheepishly as he and (Y/N) make their way down the steps and out onto the open streets. Wordlessly (Y/N) clasps Bucky’s hand in her own, giving it a soft squeeze, a reassuring squeeze. Even when she was mad at him she could help but give into the affection, Bucky loved it. Bucky smiles happily as he guides (Y/N) along, his thumb smoothing circles into her skin as they walked along, venturing further and further away from civilization.

  “Uh- you’re not taking me out here to murder me, are you?” (Y/N) chuckles nervously, looking at the abandoned streets and overpowering weeds in fear.
  “Of course not,” Bucky chuckles. “I’ve just got something special, that’s all,”

  “Is it murder? I bet it’s murder,”

  “It’s not murder,” Bucky chuckles a bit. “I promise,”

  “Well, what’s in the box?” (Y/N) gestures to the small bag Bucky carried in his free hand. It was full of all the materials Peggy told him to bring, chocolate, wine, a good book all he needed was Starks facility and hopefully he was good to go…hopefully…

   The place Peggy had given him the directions to was…run down to put it lightly. It was a crumbling buidling in some old lot, one that barely looked inhabitable but Bucky didnt doubt Peggy, never did and never would.

  “This is the surprise?” (Y/N) asks in disbelief.

  “It’s on the inside,” Bucky mutters, biting his lip as he took a few steps towards the building. He trusted Peggy, he trusted Peggy, he trusted Peggy, he trusted-

   Bucky stops as he enters the building, his eyes roaming around the interior in shock. It was full of stars- not exaggerating. The entire interior was space, he could see all the planets, every star, every little speck of dust in the universe was in this room.

  (Y/N) trails not too far behind, her eyes wide as she stepped in as well. If Bucky thought that was cool it became magnificent when suddenly the stars and planets began to move, orbiting as though they were actually in space.

  “Bucky-” (Y/N)’s voice is quiet, full of surprise as she looks around. She trails off however as they reach out, touching a small star close to them. The thing moved to her hand, sitting there as though an actual fucking star was made to fit in her hand.

   “You like stars, don’t'cha?” Bucky asks as he gently tugs (Y/N) along, to a small spot in the middle of the room. There was already a blanket there (Thanks Peggy) and Bucky sat down, pulling (Y/N) alongside him. She looked around in awe, her eyes twinkling in a way Bucky had never seen before. She looked so beatiful, so full I happiness and curiosity that Bucky wished he could just live in this moment forever, just to watch (Y/N) smiles the way she was smiling. “I also- uh- have some chocolate and wine,” Bucky pulls the two Items out, setting them down on the blanket for (Y/N) to take. “And I know you love poetry and love so-” Bucky chuckles as he pulls out some poetry book he had found at the store. It was chuck full of cheesy romance poems and he knew (Y/N) would simply eat up.

   “You did all this for me?” (Y/N) asks softly, her eyes brimming with tears as she looks at Bucky. Bucky nods, smiling at her so sweetly and so lovingly he was surprised he didn’t develop diabetes.

  “Yeah I did, with a little help from some friends,” (Y/N) smiles, her eyes watering even more as she pounces forward, wrapping Bucky up In a warm, tight hug.

  “Thank you so much,” She whispers as she nuzzles into his neck, breathing in deeply.

  Bucky wraps his arms around (Y/N)’s waist, sighing softly as he finally- finally held her. It felt so good to have her back in his arms, it had only been a few days but even that had been too much for him.

  “Anything for you doll,” Bucky whispers as he kisses the tip of (Y/N)’s ear, a small action that she loved dearly. “I’m so sorry about the bet, I promise you mean so much more to me than some stupid money. The thought of hurting you the way I did makes me sick, I don’t want you to ever think I don’t love you, because I do, I love you so fucking much (Y/N) and I wish I had told you sooner,” Bucky rants as he rubs his nose against (Y/N)’s pulse point, her heartbeat soothing him slightly.

    “I love you too Bucky,” (Y/N) smiles at Bucky, her cheeks now wet with tears. “I love you so much,” Without any hesitation she leans forward, connection her lips with Bucky’s.

     It felt so good to be kissing her, to be able to feel her and hold her, it felt so amazing to know that she knew that he loved her, what was even better was knowing she loved him back. Bucky and (Y/N) loved each other, that’s all that mattered.

    Bucky pulls (Y/N) a little closer, kisses her a little deeper, a little more passionately, a little more sensually-

     “As cute as this moment is,” Howard Stark’s voice blares through the room, breaking the two lovers apart. “I’d like to remind you two not to have sex inside here, I don’t need your bodily fluids all over my experiment, thanks,”

Ok so, anti Kylo Ren people - I don’t understand them. Not in the sense that I can’t understand why someone wouldn’t like Kylo - you like what you like or not - but it’s the analysis of the character, something you can interpret on a sliding scale of better or worse accuracy, that strikes me as profoundly odd. It’s completely in defiance not in just to what we’ve been given in the material but also to the things the directors and actors have said themselves explicitly. Which is just…weird. It’s like alternative facts land. It gets especially weird when comparing him to Anakin, which antis always seem to do in a way that treats suffering as a vulgar balance beam of precisely measurable and predictable quantity and quality. 

“Unlike Anakin, Kyle Ron grew up with 2 parents who loved him”

No offense but - so?? Barring the very few wrongheaded outliers who label Han and Leia as abusive and uncaring (and to whom antis seem determined to sniff out and then cling to like a barnacle as a way of judging the wider fandom), most of us recognize the genuine parental love Han and Leia have for their son. My question is since when has love alone ever been enough to keep a young man from falling into darkness? Especially when said young man is growing up in a complicated family situation. If that were the case our world would be a less fucked up place than it is now.

Yes, Han and Leia loved Ben. But guess what? You can love your child and still be a dysfunctional family. You can care a lot for your kid and still make bad choices. You can still try to do your best and fail miserably. You can even do these things and inflict damage because you love them so much. Leia recognizes this - she thought she was doing good in sending Ben away to Luke for training. She was wrong and the decision hurt rather than helped, regardless of her intentions. She said so in the fucking movie.

I find it funny that the people who are vehemently against the idea of love, either from Leia or Rey or Luke or whoever, playing a part in Kylo’s redemption because they think love doesn’t redeem bad men and the notion is toxic are the same people who think love should have kept Ben Solo from becoming Kylo Ren in the first place. That’s some outstanding cognitive dissonance. The idea that because Han and Leia loved Ben and he grew up in a materially comfortable setting compared to his granddaddy somehow eliminates for him profound suffering and turmoil or immunizes Han or Leia from making long-lasting errors as parents and human beings is laughable to me. 

I grew up with a super critical and moody father. It often felt like he didn’t like me or my brother. It was only later that my dad confessed that he thought he was being helpful by chewing us out all the time even though it had the opposite effect on us. And my dad loved the shit out of me. But he didn’t realize the damage he was doing and it wasn’t intended but his own flaws kept him from realizing that and by then, the damage was done and there was no taking it back. Granted, I didn’t join a murderous regime, but then again I don’t live in a galaxy far, far away.

To refresh, reminder that these are canon facts: 1. Han admitted to being uncomfortable around Ben because of his powers. 2. According to both Carrie (”We neglected him a little”) and Adam Driver (”having these incredible powers and not having his parents really be around”), and supplemental material (Bloodline) that Leia and Han ran a contentious household with their work keeping them divided at times. 3. Ben didn’t even know about his true heritage and he found out not through his family but through someone outing his mother as Vader’s daughter. By then he had already been sent to Luke to learn to control himself.

And honestly, to reduce the Solo/Organa family situation as being informed above all else by the love Han and Leia had for their son is to completely erase the strength that outside forces had in tearing the family apart. 

Antis will unfavorably compare Anakin’s life to Kylo by saying “Anakin was a former slave who was then manipulated by Palpatine so it makes him more understandable” but like uh Ben was preyed upon by a dark entity since he was in the womb - since he was in the womb. Mama Leia says even says in the movie that it was Snoke who seduced their son, so I don’t get what distinguishing Palpatine’s manipulations while erasing Snoke’s does except make anti-Kylos look like hypocrites. 

And then there is this whole “Han offered Kylo redemption and he didn’t take it so that’s that!” 

Yeah. Han offered Kylo a chance to come back. It was the last thing he did. And he did it 6 years after Kylo fell. And after 29 years of constant struggle and misunderstanding that constituted Ben/Kylo’s life. He did so at Leia’s prompting. Not that he didn’t want his son back too - he did and he was sincere about it - but he also showed more doubt than his wife. This is gonna sound harsh but from an in-universe perspective and certainly from the character’s perspectives that’s not good enough. That’s not to downplay the love with which the gesture was made or the wrongness of Kylo’s decision. But what Han offered in that moment was just that - a moment. And redemption needs more than a moment, it requires a journey. Han even acknowledges his failures in the last moments of his life, hoping that Kylo will someday forgive him too.

What Han did wasn’t showing a way back, it was a more of a drop-everything-and-run-away-with-me proposition that did not resolve all the underlying issues subsequent actions that led to their estrangement in the first place. 

Again, there is a certain irony that anti-Kylo/anti-redemption folks who quip this line that Han was offering redemption and Kylo rejecting it and killing him therefore his chance are over are often the same ones who scorn the idea of Rey or Leia playing a role in Kylo’s redemption. Yet (putting aside that this is mischaracterizing how most of us envision the redemption arc going) by taking the position of the former, aren’t you contradicting yourself with the latter by acknowledging that yes, redemption can be given through love? Because that is what is being said when you say Han had the solution. 

At any rate, the way back must be something that Kylo finds on his own, not have given to him, with others serving as influences and inspirations but not as his patrons of good. This whole analysis of redemption being closed to Kylo Ren, of him being a “privileged white boy” who threw it all away or of his life being so comparatively better than Anakin’s thus rendering any parallels between them moot is just wrongheaded. There is a lot we don’t know yet and have been promised by those involved in the film to see, including Kylo’s “humanity”. If you’re one of those people with the viewpoint that I have spent this entire post taking down, my honest to god non-snarky recommendation is that you either adjust your reading of the material and change your expectations or not see Episode 8 at all. You will be profoundly confused, angered or disappointed otherwise.

masterpost of iconic lines/moments in Froot (2015) by Marina and the Diamonds

Happy: 

  • when the chorus effect starts on the line “melted away like I was free” and my soul escaped my body, went to hell, and was immediately forgiven by the benevolent god that is marina diamandis
  • “I realize to be happy, maybe I need a little company” and I started crying one minute and forty seconds into the album
  • the sheer force with which my head was ejected from my body when she hits the high note on “I believe someone’s watching over me”
  • the chord changes in the bridge making me feel melancholy realness, honey
  • invented the piano, invented happy songs that sound sad, invented music
  • I’ve fallen asleep crying to this song an uncountable amount of times

Froot:

  • THE FUCKING BASS RIFF IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS which precisely and methodically severed my ear canal from my cranium
  • everything about this song
  • “ju-u-u-uice, la la la la la la la” >>> the entire discography of the rolling stones, the beatles, led zeppelin, and all of your dusty-ass “iconic” faves 
  • the sultriness of the fucking low G she hits perfectly and consistently throughout the verses
  • “but I ain’t in a patient phase” probably the most iconic modern music will get
  • the way she sings “come on fill your cup uuuuuuuUUUUUPP” shattering my femur
  • “i’ve been saving all my summers for you” assassinates all of the poetry by William Shakespeare combined
  • every part of the second verse, especially “baby I am plump and ripe, I’m pinker than shepard’s delight, sweet like honeysuckle late at night” which was better sex-ed than I received throughout my entire adolescent academic career
  • “birds and worms will come for me, the cycle of life is complete” making fucking DECOMPOSITION the sexiest thing anyone has ever said in the compendium of human history
  • The Fucking Bridge Melody that she sings well beyond the troposphere, above the stratosphere, and sitting sexily in the mesosphere
  • “oh my body is ready, yeah it’s ready, yeah it’s ready”

I’m a Ruin

  • marina single-handedly addressing the complexities of young-adult relationships with “I could treat you better but I’m not that smart”
  • the insane degree to which I scream “yeah yeah, uh huh, woo hoo, yeah yeah” at the end of the chorus, thus startling my neighbors and setting off car alarms
  • “It’s difficult to move on when nothing was right and nothing was wrong” making me spray tears out of my eyes like a machine gun
  • the way the back up vocals come in on “I’ve had my share of beautiful men, but I’m still young and I want to love again”
  • the dichotomy of “I’ll ruin you” and “I’m a ruin” are proven to be one and the same, thus ending the careers of marriage counselors across the world

Blue

  • the iconic and instantly-memorable backing track
  • the continuity between the themes of the last song with the opening line “we’ve broken up and now I regret it”
  • the FORESHADOWING of “and I don’t know why but I can’t forget it” which alludes to the themes of the NEXT song, Forget, basically proving Marina doesn’t need references to any body of literature but her own goddamn songs
  • “gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self-esteem” ejecting my wig at mach 3 into another dimension
  • the sheer craftsmanship of the pre-chorus, which is perfectly catchy and memorable while refraining from cliches
  • the way the beat picks up on the chorus and I demand my non-existent ex to “gimme one more night”
  • “I’m sick of looking after you, I need a man to hold on to, I’m bored of everything we do, but I just keep coming back to you” proving marina is just as fed up with fuckboys as we are, but is just as flawed and hypocritical as us, showing her imperfections and making her more worthy of our worship
  • ending the song on the pre-chorus like the fucking INNOVATOR of MODERN MUSIC she is??? like please tell me WHEN will your fave

Forget

  • this list doesn’t include the visuals from the music videos but I will make an exception for the ICONIC wig she wears in the video
  • the vocals for “never heal” sending me into a tailspin and crashing into a ditch at 70 mph
  • 50% of the chorus is the word “forget” and it is STILL the height of modern literature
  • after her mention of an “abacus” in the second verse, abacus sales went up 2000% and surpassed their unprecedented popularity in ancient Greece
  • “yeah it’s time to be letting go, yeah baby you know what I’m talking about” probably the most iconique start to a bridge physically possible in this dimension
  • “YEAH I’VE BEEN DANCING WITH THE DEVIL I LOVE THAT HE PRETENDS TO CARE IF I’LL EVER GET TO HEAVEN WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS GETS YOU THERE OH ALL THE TIME THAT I HAVE WASTED CHASING RABBITS DOWN A HOLE WHEN I WAS BORN TO BE THE TORTOISE I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE” is not supposed to be a high-intensity part of the song but I don’t fucking care obviously
  • the way she fucking develops the lyrics of the chorus throughout the song and makes each line the best life lesson you ever heard??? who is this woman?????

Gold

  • by FAR the most underrated song on the album for no goddamn reason like, have you demons even listened to it?? hmmmmm????
  • i have no idea how the accompaniment was made for the song but whoever did it was a genius and needs to be remembered for the rest of time
  • “doesn’t matter long as I am your star, sta-AAARRRR” melodically groundbreaking, please take notes everyone
  • “don’t think i want what I used to want, don’t think I need what i used to need” addressing the pains of growing out of old friendships and passions in a fun approach
  • “you can’t take away the Midas touch, so you better make way for a GREEK GOLD RUSH” YES MAMA REPRESENT YOUR COUNTRY LIKE THE GODDESS YOU AAAARE
  • knew she could rhyme “El Dorado” with “Colorado” and fucking did
  • the fade out at the end of the song painting her as a con-artist or corrupt gold-dealer being hauled off to jail while reveling in the near success of her schemes is what???? I C O N I C

Can’t Pin Me Down

  • this song is direct proof that marina is a straight up motherfucking KUNT in charge of her destiny. the album is labeled as explicit because of this ONE song and only ONE line: “you might think I’m one thing, but I am another. You can’t call my bluff, TIME TO BACKUP MOTHERFUCKER” like not only is this the most badass line in the history of language, but this line was so important to her that she made the album explicit JUST FOR THIS ONE LINE. SHE IS AN ICON. END OF STORY.
  • she is a feminist! BUT! “Do you really want me to write a feminist anthem, I’m happy in the kitchen cooking dinner for my husband” proving that you do NOT know this bitch. she is nothing you think she is. except that she is an I C O N.
  • the meter of “just another girl in the twenty-first century” has me unpredictably and immeasurably shook because she is just! that! kind! of! girl!
  • “You think I’m like the others, boy you need to get your eyes che-e-e-e-e-e-ecked, che-e-e-e-e-e-e-ecked” blew the skin clean off of my face
  • “i can be your russian doll” like,,,, gag
  • the entire concept and existence of this song is revolutionary and cements her position as the strongest female artist of our generation

Solitaire

  • holy FUCK you guys love to hate amazing songs, don’t you?? this song is without a doubt one of my favorites and you fuckers have the NERVE
  • the production on this song is one of a kind and continues to prove her versatility in style on this album. any reservations you had about her from electra heart better be EVAPORATED by this point.
  • the melodies on this song are, besides Froot, the catchiest on the album for me. they are so well crafted and inventive, i am shaking
  • “hard like a rock, cold like stone, white like a diamond, black like coal, cut like a jewel, yeah I repair myself when you’re not there” is such an amazing pre-chorus for this song like it could no possibly be better than that
  • the way the mood shifts from the verse to the chorus cut off my arms with raw blunt force
  • the flourish on the line “and I’ll admit all I wanna do is get drunk and silent” gave me an aneurysm
  • holy fucking SHIT the end of the bridge is for sure a highlight on the album. “but I’m not cursed, i’m not cursed, I was just covered in dirt” like damn marina go all the way off
  • the extra-dimensional high notes on this song are second to none, babes

Better Than That

  • “You’re just another in a long line of men she screwed” is the FUCKING WAY TO START A SONG, GIRLS. ARE YOU JOTTING THIS DOWN??
  • “So why’s she looking like a cat who got the cream?” ugh marina is so perfect I cannot deal with this bitch anymore
  • the sheer vocal talent on the chorus, like how high can this girl go? someday she’s going to rupture my eardrums and I will thank her personally
  • “with an angel voice, devil in disguise” the vocal production for this is perfect and successfully made me shit myself
  • “and she’ll network till her dreams come true, even if it means getting in a bed with you” miss marina is out for BLOOD everyone, the music industry is cowering in fear of her objective talent and lack of fucks
  • “i’m not passing judgment on her sexual life, I’m passing judgement on the way she always stuck her knife in my back” whoever this woman is she is getting READ for FILTH by lady diamandis and you all need to watch your backs

Weeds

  • this song is straight out of a sappy rom-com and I am fully living for it
  • “but it keeps growing back like WEEDS” I am currently screaming please give me a moment
  • “and God knows what sex is, a way to feel a bit, a little bit less lonely” marina chose sex to be a prominent theme on this album but she has shown she can handle it in the moment mature way any woman in the industry can. it’s subtle, it’s methodical, it isn’t vulgar, it’s just straight real and honest and such an important thing to discuss! this song is another aspect of how sex can be important in our lives. she better preach tbh
  • the aesthetics can reserved character on this song are a beautiful contrast that the album needed. filler tracks who???

Savages

  • full disclosure, this song blew a hole right through my body with the sheer impact of its lyrics and chorus
  • there are so many fucking good lyrics on this song, it’s truly baffling that anyone has a career in the music industry after this was dropped
  • “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man” I am Screeching
  • the first beat of the chorus, my bodily fluids are already dripping from the ceiling and my bones are crushed into a fine powder
  • “underneath it all, we’re just savages hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages” she is prophet, the chosen one, the woman who will deliver us from our mortal coils
  • “another day, another tale of rape, another ticking bomb to bury deep and detonate” Marina is fully aware of the important problems our nation is facing at the time the album was released and even to today. she isn’t a shallow artist like the persona she created in electra heart, she has become almost the exact opposite. She is taking on these issues with a clear judgment and grace and I am so proud and appreciative of her work.
  • “are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?” YES YOU BETTER ASSASSINATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
  • the buildup in the last chorus to the E T H E R E A L ending is clearly the climax of modern pop music

Immortal

  • you could play this song for me and tell me it’s a message from an angel and I would 200% believe you
  • the melody on this track is so fucking pristine it’s like a glacier melting in your mouth
  • it continues the themes of humanity from Savages but looks at a completely different issue about it. this album is cohesive, planned out, and a complete and full body of work
  • the moment the chorus hits with “I’m forever chasing after time” my limbs are being forcibly extended by a device of love and torture
  • “but if the earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time, there will be just one survivor, the memory that I was yours and you were mine” ok not kidding anymore this is STRAIGHT up MOTHER fucking POETIC genius and innovation at its most concentrated and talented moment
  • when she says “twice” on the high note in the chorus, it’s like the most beautiful bell shattering in my ear, tbqh
  • THE FUCKING BRIDGE is actual art. “I just wanna be able to say the I live my life” the way she executes this melody is cold-blooded and frankly she should be charged with manslaughter for it


bottom line, Marina Diamandis released the biggest breakthrough in pop music to date in 2015 and all of you demons let it flop. if you have the nerve to call this album a failure, I have literally 0 respect for you and no one is ever going to love you

the moving goalposts.
  • trans woman: I'm a woman.
  • transmisogynist: No you're not, women dress femininely whereas men aren't pressured to wear makeup or maintain a feminine appearance.
  • trans woman: Well, I dress femininely, and I am pressured to wear makeup and maintain a feminine appearance as my failure to do so is punished with harassment and violence. So, do you consider me a woman now?
  • transmisogynist: No, you're not a woman, women experience misogynistic oppression, like catcalling and gendered wage gap.
  • trans woman: I experience both of those things, people see me as a woman and mistreat me accordingly. So, do you consider me a woman now?
  • transmisogynist: No, you're not a woman, woman is a biological class. You're a biological male.
  • trans woman: I'm on HRT, and my hormone levels are within the average range of cisgender women. I've undergone physical changes due to HRT that have made my physical body more similar to the average cis woman. So, do you consider me a woman now?
  • transmisogynist: No, women have vaginas.
  • trans woman: I've undergone vaginoplasty. I have a functioning vagina, labia majora, labia minora, and clitoris. This is very personal, but, i can, in fact, orgasm. Do you consider me a woman now?
  • transmisogynist: No, women have XX chromosomes. That's the REAL factor that determines our social role.
  • trans woman: So, are you seriously claiming that everyone goes around treating other people based on their chromosomes, a quality that can only be factually known by a medical test?
  • transmisogynist: Yes!
  • trans woman: But I've never gotten chromosomally tested. I don't ACTUALLY know what my chromosomes are. Have you ever gotten chromosomally tested?
  • transmisogynist: No, but–
  • trans woman: Then your argument is completely flawed. You know with certainty that you present as a woman, are seen as a woman, and are mistreated as a woman, but you believe that those things are totally disconnected? That, instead, your chromosomes are what people are really seeing when they look at you? That's completely preposterous.
  • transmisogynist: Well, what I really mean is, your birth assignment is what really counts, because that's when male socialization is initiated, which determines your entire mindset and outlook on the world, as well as how you treat other people.
  • trans woman: It is true that socialization influences how we view the world. But let me ask you a question, you are female-socialized, right?
  • transmisogynist: Damn right.
  • trans woman: And female socialization includes subservience to men, right?
  • transmisogynist: Yes, very much so. My parents were extremely traditionalist and imposed very strict gender roles on me as a child.
  • trans woman: But right now you're not subservient to men at all, right?
  • transmisogynist: Hell no. I'm a radical feminist, I'm a lesbian, I do not share the class interests of men and I work towards women's liberation from men as a class and, ultimately, the end of the restrictive system of gender.
  • trans woman: So, logically, this would be an example of how your gendered socialization DIDN'T control your outcome as a person. Sure, you had to actively resist that socialization, but you've moved past that.
  • transmisogynist: Yes, that's true, but the same can't be said about you, you're clearly male-socialized.
  • trans woman: Hell no. I'm a radical feminist, I'm a lesbian, I do not share the class interests of men and I work towards women's liberation from men as a class and, ultimately, the end of the restrictive system of gender.
  • transmisogynist: No, that's wrong! You can't be a lesbian, you're a male!
  • trans woman: Don't say that to my wife, she's gonna be pretty mad if you tell her she's not really a lesbian. She's been a lesbian for years, I seriously don't see how my gender is any different than the gender of her last girlfriend.
  • transmisogynist: You can't be a feminist, either! You're a male, there's no way you can understand the struggles of being a woman!
  • trans woman: Didn't you post one of my essays on gender on your facebook wall?
  • transmisogynist: Er, well, yes, but, that's before I knew that you were trans! See, this is more of your deceptive duplicitous behavior, concrete proof that you cannot overcome your male socialization or produce ideas that deserve consideration as contributions to feminism.
  • trans woman: But didn't you praise that shitty liberal Male Feminist guy's anti-transgender article?
  • transmisogynist: Yeah, but, at least he isn't calling himself a feminist, just a feminist Ally. So he's being honest and knowing his boundaries while helping feminism.
  • trans woman: And didn't you praise that conservative politician's proposed ban on transgender people being able to use the restroom? Why the hell would you ever side with a conservative? You realize that he's the same guy who has previously worked to defund women's healthcare services and repeal gay marriage? Supporting him in any capacity gives him political capital that he'll be able to leverage for future reactionary policies, because he is literally an anti-feminist politician.
  • transmisogynist: But he's one of the few politicians who's willing to stand up for a ban on transgender people in restrooms.
  • trans woman: Yeah, because he's an out-and-out bigot against LGBT people and women. He's literally creating legal contexts for male violence against transgender women, something that you've PREVIOUSLY stated you're opposed to, but now apparently you're for it.
  • transmisogynist: What male violence? It's just a legal protection for vulnerable women and girls in the sanctified space of the public bathroom.
  • trans woman: The male violence of police officers, prison guards, and prison inmates. That's the male violence that you're totally fine with exposing trans women to. If you really gave a shit about reduction of harm, you would support my right to use whatever PUBLIC RESTROOM I wanted, and support gender-neutral restrooms. After all, butch cis women have been harassed and gender-policed in restrooms in states where that law was in effect, and had security guards called on them. Isn't that a fucking travesty? I support butch women's right to use women's restrooms, and if you support trans bathroom bans, you DON'T. Cis and trans women share certain class interests, and often times if you work against trans women's' class interests, you're ultimately going to harm cis women's class interests as well. We suffer a wage gap too, which is why so many of us are FEMINISTS.
a CP ficlet, as promised

(idea courtesy of @echoing-artemis, who said CAPTIVE PRINCE BACHELOR AU which then turned into UNREAL AU in my head because let’s face it, in any situation like this, laurent will still be full of machinations.)

***

When Damen laces his hands together, the left thumb is on top. Laurent fixes this detail with a look that is, as it were, a warm-up for the look he’s about to direct at Damen’s face. Damen is perched on the edge of the plush, over-quilted, impeccably white satin bedspread, elbows resting on his spread knees. He is crushing some of the red rose petals. Laurent makes a mental note to send a production assistant in here with fresh ones before they film the individual segments after the cocktail party.

Someone knocks at the closed door and says, “Um, I think–”

No,” snarls Laurent, wasting the first and most icily searing few seconds of his expression on the door. Silence follows.

“All right, what is it?” Laurent demands of Damen. “Is it drugs? Do I need to send someone out for some cocaine? Do you have a fucking headache? Has a soft-hearted AD whom I will summarily fire snuck you your phone, and you’ve found out that your cat’s died?”

“No,” Damen says, apparently to all of the above. After a moment he adds, in a tone that Laurent can’t parse, “I don’t have a cat.”

“Then what the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve seen potato salad with more vivacity than you’re showing out there.”

“It’s all so–staged,” Damen says, with distaste.

Laurent manages not to roll his eyes, but the violence with which he wishes he were rolling his eyes causes dull pain to gather behind them like a stormcloud.

Keep reading

Negotiation

pairing: Bjorn x Reader

fandom: vikings

prompt: arguing but secretly being kind of turned on by it 

@nekodemon73 @kumpmk


“I will not marry this animal!” The chair falls back hitting the ground as you stand up, glaring at your father and everyone else around, especially your soon to be husband. 

You didn’t understand why he even tried to make a deal with them, they’d never keep their word and just continue to raid your lands and slaughter your people. Worst of all, now you should be married off to one of them like some sort of peace offer. At that moment you weren’t sure anymore who disgusted you more, these north men or your own father.

You storm to the door, knocking a guard aside who tried to stop you on your way and leave the throne room. 

“I think I’ll like her.” Bjorn raises his drink with a small smile while his eyes linger a moment on the swinging door you just left through.

-
You scream at the door when you hear the knock from the other side of the room, “Go away father, I’m not talking to you!" 

"Will you talk to me then?” Bjorn enters, unfazed by your glaring look and the way your face changes into a grimace when you see him. 

“What do you want?" 

"Can’t I have a private talk with my betrothed?” He smirks and you consider throwing the next best thing at him. 

“I won’t marry you." 

"You seem awfully opposed to the idea. Why don’t you give me chance to change your mind?" 

"There’s nothing you could say that would convince me that you’re not an…" 

"Animal?” He interrupts you, while leaning against the wall, his eyes not leaving you for a second.  

A blush slowly creeps on your face when you realize he understood your language. At least good enough that he was able to follow the conversation you had earlier. 

You take a deep breath and steady yourself before you step closer to him, “I think you should leave now." 

"What? Not interested to have a talk with your dear husband?" 

"You’re not my husband!” You grab him by the arm and shove him towards the door, “Don’t come back!” You yell after the door falls shut behind him. 

What the hell was wrong with this guy? Did everyone bend together today just to make your day a horrible disaster? Because it sure felt like it.

-
Your new Viking ‘friends’ didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving anytime soon. Even worse, your father was not backing down about the idea of you marrying Bjorn. 

Wherever you went around the castle, he was there as well, staring at you with an unreadable face. Slowly, without really realizing it, you felt yourself drawn to him. At first it was more to break through his expression that made him look like he was annoyed or mad all the time. But the more you watched him as well, you noticed that he was indeed handsome. In a rugged more primal way anyway.

“Bjorn?” You had decided to go and visit him. Take an end to that damn attraction you felt. You were sure it would fade after you talked to him again and saw him up close. Surely this was just some kind of misplaced affection that came out of nowhere. 

You almost dart out again, seeing Bjorn sitting in a bathtub when you enter. 

“Wait!” 

Reluctantly, you stop and turn back around to face him. The water was running down his naked chest, glistening in the dim light that some candles provided. The sight didn’t help your little crush to vanish one bit, in fact it had quite the opposite effect.

“Do you want to join me?” He smiles, looking expectantly at you. 

“N-no! Are you out of your mind?” You tried your best but the stuttering was still audible in your voice. 

“Come here.” He waves you over and you take a seat next to him on a small chair. 

He sits up in the tub a bit further and leans over the edge, closer to you. One of his hands grabs your waist the other moves gently along your collarbone and neck. Your first instinct is to pull away but his touches are so light and not demanding at all that you keep still and just stare at him.
He reaches up, his mouth connecting to the places where his fingers just touched. You close your eyes, enjoying the feeling for a moment. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to join me?" 

"Y-yes.” You jerk upwards, suddenly realizing what you were doing and quickly hurry to the door, vanishing in the dark corridors as fast as possible. 

“She keeps doing that…” Bjorn says with a small sigh but smiles to himself afterwards.

youtube

Today we are going to look at an amusing historical fact: The time that beloved poets Oscar Wilde and Walt Whitman met, got drunk, and slept together.

(Closed Captioning coming soon) 

Transcript Below:

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bela-lugosis-corpse  asked:

I've been thinking about this for a while, but how effective is full plate armour? Was it actually a good way to defend yourself?

Short Answer: Yes. 

Here’s a general rule: People in the past were ignorant about a lot of things, but they weren’t stupid. If they used something, chances are they had a good reason. There are exceptions, but plate armor is not one of them. 

Long Answer: 

For a type of armor, no matter what it is, to be considered effective, it has to meet three criteria. 

The three criteria are: Economic Efficiency, Protectiveness, and Mobility.

1. Is it Economically Efficient? 

Because of the nature of society in the Middle Ages, what with equipment being largely bring-it-yourself when it came to anybody besides arrowfodder infantry who’d been given one week of training, economic efficiency was a problem for the first couple of decades after plate armor was introduced in France in the 1360s. It wasn’t easy to make, and there wasn’t really a ‘science’ to it yet, so only the wealthiest of French soldiers, meaning knights and above, had it; unless of course somebody stole it off a dead French noble. The Hundred Years War was in full swing at the time, and the French were losing badly to the English and their powerful longbows, so there were plenty of dead French nobles and knights to go around. That plate armor was not very economically efficient for you unless you were a rich man, though, it also was not exactly what we would call “full” plate armor. 

Above: Early plate armor, like that used by knights and above during the later 1300s and early 1400s. 

Above: Two examples of what most people mean when they say “full” plate armor, which would have been seen in the mid to late 1400s and early 1500s.

Disclaimer: These are just examples. No two suits of armor were the same because they weren’t mass-produced, and there was not really a year when everybody decided to all switch to the next evolution of plate armor. In fact it would not be improbably to see all three of these suits on the same battlefield, as expensive armor was often passed down from father to son and used for many decades. 

Just like any new technology, however, as production methods improved, the product got cheaper. 

Above: The Battle of Barnet, 1471, in which everybody had plate armor because it’s affordable by then. 

So if we’re talking about the mid to late 1400s, which is when our modern image of the “knight in shining armor” sort of comes from, then yes, “full” plate armor is economically efficient. It still wasn’t cheap, but neither are modern day cars, and yet they’re everywhere. Also similar to cars, plate armor is durable enough to be passed down in families for generations, and after the Hundred Years War ended in 1453, there was a lot of used military equipment on sale for cheap. 

2. Is it Protective? 

This is a hard question to answer, particularly because no armor is perfect, and as soon as a new, seemingly ‘perfect’ type of armor appears, weapons and techniques adapt to kill the wearer anyway, and the other way around. Early plate armor was invented as a response to the extreme armor-piercing ability of the English longbow, the armor-piercing ability of a new kind of crossbow, and advancements in arrowhead technology. 

Above: The old kind of arrowhead, ineffective against most armor. 

Above: The new kind of arrowhead, very effective at piercing chainmaille and able to pierce plate armor if launched with enough power. 

Above: An arrow shot from a “short” bow with the armor-piercing tip(I think it’s called a bodkin tip) piercing a shirt of chainmaille. However, the target likely would have survived since soldiers wore protective layers of padding underneath their armor, so if the arrow penetrated skin at all, it wasn’t deep. That’s Terry Jones in the background. 

Above: A crossbow bolt with the armor piercing tip penetrating deep through the same shirt of chainmaille. The target would likely not survive. 

Above: A crossbow bolt from the same crossbow glancing off a breastplate, demonstrating that it was in fact an improvement over wearing just chainmaille. 

Unfortunately it didn’t help at all against the powerful English longbows at close range, but credit to the French for trying. It did at least help against weaker bows. 

Now for melee weapons. 

It didn’t take long for weapons to evolve to fight this new armor, but rarely was it by way of piercing through it. It was really more so that the same weapons were now being used in new ways to get around the armor. 

Above: It’s a popular myth that Medieval swords were dull, but they still couldn’t cut through plate armor, nor could they thrust through it. Your weapon would break before the armor would. Most straight swords could, however, thrust through chainmaille and anything weaker. 

There were three general answers to this problem: 

1. Be more precise, and thrust through the weak points. 

Above: The weak points of a suit of armor. Most of these points would have been covered by chainmaille, leather, thick cloth, or all three, but a sword can thrust through all three so it doesn’t matter. 

To achieve the kind of thrusting accuracy needed to penetrate these small gaps, knights would often grip the blade of their sword with one hand and keep the other hand on the grip. This technique was called “half-swording”, and you could lose a finger if you don’t do it right, so don’t try it at home unless you have a thick leather glove to protect you, as most knights did, but it can also be done bare-handed. 

Above: Examples of half-swording. 

2. Just hit the armor so fucking hard that the force carries through and potentially breaks bones underneath. 

Specialty weapons were made for this, but we’ll get to them in a minute. For now I’m still focusing on swords because I like how versatile the European longsword is. 

Above: A longsword. They’re made for two-handed use, but they’re light enough to be used effectively in one hand if you’d like to have a shield or your other arm has been injured. Longswords are typically about 75% of the height of their wielders.

Assuming you’re holding the sword pointing towards the sky, the part just above the grip is called the crossguard, and the part just below the grip is called the pommel. If you hold the sword upside-down by the blade, using the same careful gripping techniques as with half-swording, you can strike with either the crossguard or the pommel, effectively turning the sword into a warhammer. This technique was called the Murder Stroke, and direct hits could easily dent plate armor, and leave the man inside bruised, concussed, or with a broken bone. 

Above: The Murder Stroke as seen in a Medieval swordfighting manual.

Regular maces, hammers, and other blunt weapons were equally effective if you could get a hard enough hit in without leaving yourself open, but they all suffered from part of the plate armor’s intelligent design. Nearly every part of it was smooth and/or rounded, meaning that it’s very easy for blows to ‘slide’ off, which wastes a lot of their power. This makes it very hard to get a ‘direct’ hit. 

Here come the specialized weapons to save the day. 

Above: A lucerne, or claw hammer. It’s just one of the specialized weapons, but it encompasses all their shared traits so I’m going to only list it. 

These could be one-handed, two-handed, or long polearms, but the general idea was the same. Either crack bones beneath armor with the left part, or penetrate plate armor with the right part. The left part has four ‘prongs’ so that it can ‘grip’ smooth plate armor and keep its force when it hits without glancing off. On the right side it as a super sturdy ‘pick’, which is about the only thing that can penetrate the plate armor itself. On top it has a sharp tip that’s useful for fighting more lightly armored opponents. 

3. Force them to the ground and stab them through the visor with a dagger. 

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Many conflicts between two armored knights would turn into a wrestling match. Whoever could get the other on the ground had a huge advantage, and could finish his opponent, or force him to surrender, with a dagger. 

By now you might be thinking “Dang, full plate armor has a lot of weaknesses, so how can it be called good armor?” 

The answer is because, like all armor is supposed to do, it minimizes your target area. If armor is such that your enemy either needs to risk cutting their fingers to target extremely small weak points, bring a specialized weapons designed specifically for your armor, or wrestle you to the ground to defeat you, that’s some damn good armor. So yes, it will protect you pretty well.

Above: The red areas represent the weak points of a man not wearing armor.

Also, before I move on to Mobility, I’m going to talk briefly about a pet-peeve of mine: Boob-plates. 

If you’re writing a fantasy book, movie, or video game, and you want it to be realistically themed, don’t give the women boob-shaped armor. It wasn’t done historically even in the few cases when women wore plate armor, and that’s because it isn’t as protective as a smooth, rounded breastplate like you see men wearing. A hit with any weapon between the two ‘boobs’ will hit with its full force rather than glancing off, and that’ll hurt. If you’re not going for a realistic feel, then do whatever you want. Just my advice. 

Above: Joan of Arc, wearing properly protective armor. 

An exception to this is in ancient times. Female gladiators sometimes wore boob-shaped armor because that was for entertainment and nobody cared if they lived or died. Same with male gladiators. There was also armor shaped like male chests in ancient times, but because men are more flat-chested than women, this caused less of a problem. Smooth, rounded breastplates are still superior, though. 

3. Does it allow the wearer to keep his or her freedom of movement? 

Okay, I’ve been writing this for like four hours, so thankfully this is the simplest question to answer. There’s a modern myth that plate armor weighed like 700 lbs, and that knights could barely move in it at all, but that isn’t true. On a suit of plate armor from the mid to late 1400s or early 1500s, all the joints are hinged in such a way that they don’t impede your movement very much at all. 

The whole suit, including every individual plate, the chainmaille underneath the plates, the thick cloth or leather underneath the chainmaille, and your clothes and underwear all together usually weighed about 45-55 lbs, and because the weight was distributed evenly across your whole body, you’d hardly feel the weight at all. Much heavier suits of armor that did effectively ‘lock’ the wearer in place did exist, but they never saw battlefield use. Instead, they were for showing off at parades and for jousting. Jousting armor was always heavier, thicker, and more stiffly jointed than battlefield armor because the knight only needed to move certain parts of his body, plus being thrown off a horse by a lance–even a wooden one that’s not meant to kill–has a very, very high risk of injury.

Here’s a bunch of .gifs of a guy demonstrating that you can move pretty freely in plate armor. 

Above: Can you move in it? Yes.


Here are links to the videos that I made these .gifs from: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi757-7XD94

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhWFQtzM4r0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hlIUrd7d1Q

Revolutionary Hope: A Conversation Between James Baldwin and Audre Lorde

External image

JB: One of the dangers of being a Black American is being schizophrenic, and I mean ‘schizophrenic’ in the most literal sense. To be a Black American is in some ways to be born with the desire to be white. It’s a part of the price you pay for being born here, and it affects every Black person. We can go back to Vietnam, we can go back to Korea. We can go back for that matter to the First World War. We can go back to W.E.B. Du Bois – an honorable and beautiful man – who campaigned to persuade Black people to fight in the First World War, saying that if we fight in this war to save this country, our right to citizenship can never, never again be questioned – and who can blame him? He really meant it, and if I’d been there at that moment I would have said so too perhaps. Du Bois believed in the American dream. So did Martin. So did Malcolm. So do I. So do you. That’s why we’re sitting here.

AL: I don’t, honey. I’m sorry, I just can’t let that go past. Deep, deep, deep down I know that dream was never mine. And I wept and I cried and I fought and I stormed, but I just knew it. I was Black. I was female. And I was out – out – by any construct wherever the power lay. So if I had to claw myself insane, if I lived I was going to have to do it alone. Nobody was dreaming about me. Nobody was even studying me except as something to wipe out.

JB: You are saying you do not exist in the American dream except as a nightmare.

AL: That’s right. And I knew it every time I opened Jet, too. I knew that every time I opened a Kotex box. I knew that every time I went to school. I knew that every time I opened a prayer book. I knew it, I just knew it.

JB: It is difficult to be born in a place where you are despised and also promised that with endeavor – with this, with that, you know – you can accomplish the impossible. You’re trying to deal with the man, the woman, the child – the child of whichever sex – and he or she and your man or your woman has got to deal with the 24-hour-a-day facts of life in this country. We’re not going to fly off someplace else, you know, we’d better get through whatever that day is and still have each other and still raise children – somehow manage all of that. And this is 24 hours of every day, and you’re surrounded by all of the paraphernalia of safety: If you can strike this bargain here. If you can make sure your armpits are odorless. Curl your hair. Be impeccable. Be all the things that the American public says you should do, right? And you do all those things – and nothing happens really. And what is much worse than that, nothing happens to your child either.

AL: Even worse than the nightmare is the blank. And Black women are the blank. I don’t want to break all this down, then have to stop at the wall of male/female division. When we admit and deal with difference; when we deal with the deep bitterness; when we deal with the horror of even our different nightmares; when we turn them and look at them, it’s like looking at death: hard but possible. If you look at it directly without embracing it, then there is much less that you can ever be made to fear.

JB: I agree.

AL: Well, in the same way when we look at our differences and not allow ourselves to be divided, when we own them and are not divided by them, that is when we will be able to move on. But we haven’t reached square one yet.

JB: I’m not sure of that. I think the Black sense of male and female is much more sophisticated than the western idea. I think that Black men and women are much less easily thrown by the question of gender or sexual preference – all that jazz. At least that is true of my experience.

AL: Yea, but let’s remove ourselves from merely a reactive position – i.e., Black men and women reacting to what’s out there. While we are reacting to what’s out there, we’re also dealing between ourselves – and between ourselves there are power differences that come down…

JB: Oh, yes…

AL: Truly dealing with how we live, recognizing each other’s differences, is something that hasn’t happened…

JB: Differences and samenesses.

AL: Differences and samenesses. But in a crunch, when all our asses are in the sling, it looks like it is easier to deal with the samenesses. When we deal with sameness only, we develop weapons that we use against each other when the differences become apparent. And we wipe each other out – Black men and women can wipe each other out – far more effectively than outsiders do.

JB: That’s true enough.

AL: And our blood is high, our furies are up. I mean, it’s what Black women do to each other, Black men do to each other, and Black people do to each other. We are in the business of wiping each other out in one way or the other – and essentially doing our enemy’s work.

JB: That’s quite true.

AL: We need to acknowledge those power differences between us and see where they lead us. An enormous amount of energy is being taken up with either denying the power differences between Black men and women or fighting over power differences between Black men and women or killing each other off behind them. I’m talking about Black women’s blood flowing in the streets – and how do we get a 14-year-old boy to know I am not the legitimate target of his fury? The boot is on both of our necks. Let’s talk about getting it off. My blood will not wash out your horror. That’s what I’m interested in getting across to adolescent Black boys.

There are little Black girl children having babies. But this is not an immaculate conception, so we’ve got little Black boys who are making babies, too. We have little Black children making little Black children. I want to deal with that so our kids will not have to repeat that waste of themselves.

JB: I hear you – but let me backtrack, for better or worse. You know, for whatever reason and whether it’s wrong or right, for generations men have come into the world, either instinctively knowing or believing or being taught that since they were men they in one way or another had to be responsible for the women and children, which means the universe.

AL: Mm-hm.

JB: I don’t think there’s any way around that.

AL: Any way around that now?

JB: I don’t think there’s any way around that fact.

AL: If we can put people on the moon and we can blow this whole planet up, if we can consider digging 18 inches of radioactive dirt off of the Bikini atolls and somehow finding something to do with it – if we can do that, we as Black cultural workers can somehow begin to turn that stuff around – because there’s nobody anymore buying ‘cave politics’ – ‘Kill the mammoth or else the species is extinct.’ We have moved beyond that. Those little scrubby-ass kids in the sixth grade – I want those Black kids to know that brute force is not a legitimate way of dealing across sex difference. I want to set up some different paradigms.

JB: Yea, but there’s a real difference between the way a man looks at the world…

AL: Yes, yes…

JB: And the way a woman looks at the world. A woman does know much more than a man.

AL: And why? For the same reason Black people know what white people are thinking: because we had to do it for our survival…

JB: All right, all right…

AL: We’re finished being bridges. Don’t you see? It’s not Black women who are shedding Black men’s blood on the street – yet. We’re not cleaving your head open with axes. We’re not shooting you down. We’re saying, “Listen, what’s going on between us is related to what’s going on between us and other people,” but we have to solve our own shit at the same time as we’re protecting our Black asses, because if we don’t, we are wasting energy that we need for joint survival.

JB: I’m not even disagreeing – but if you put the argument in that way, you see, a man has a certain story to tell, too, just because he is a man…

AL: Yes, yes, and it’s vital that I be alive and able to listen to it.

JB: Yes. Because we are the only hope we have. A family quarrel is one thing; a public quarrel is another. And you and I, you know – in the kitchen, with the kids, with each other or in bed – we have a lot to deal with, with each other, but we’ve got to know what we’re dealing with. And there is no way around it. There is no way around it. I’m a man. I am not a woman.

AL: That’s right, that’s right.

JB: No one will turn me into a woman. You’re a woman and you’re not a man. No one will turn you into a man. And we are indispensable for each other, and the children depend on us both.

AL: It’s vital for me to be able to listen to you, to hear what is it that defines you and for you to listen to me, to hear what is it that defines me – because so long as we are operating in that old pattern, it doesn’t serve anybody, and it certainly hasn’t served us.

JB: I know that. What I really think is that neither of us has anything to prove, at least not in the same way, if we weren’t in the North American wilderness. And the inevitable dissension between brother and sister, between man and woman – let’s face it, all those relations which are rooted in love also are involved in this quarrel. Because our real responsibility is to endlessly redefine each other. I cannot live without you, and you cannot live without me – and the children can’t live without us.

AL: But we have to define ourselves for each other. We have to redefine ourselves for each other because no matter what the underpinnings of the distortion are, the fact remains that we have absorbed it. We have all absorbed this sickness and ideas in the same way we absorbed racism. It’s vital that we deal constantly with racism, and with white racism among Black people – that we recognize this as a legitimate area of inquiry. We must also examine the ways that we have absorbed sexism and heterosexism. These are the norms in this dragon we have been born into – and we need to examine these distortions with the same kind of openness and dedication that we examine racism…

JB: You use the word ‘racism’…

AL: The hatred of Black, or color…

JB: - but beneath the word ‘racism’ sleeps the word ‘safety.’ Why is it important to be white or Black?

AL: Why is it important to be a man rather than a woman?

JB: In both cases, it is assumed that it is safer to be white than to be Black. And it’s assumed that it is safer to be a man than to be a woman. These are both masculine assumptions. But those are the assumptions that we’re trying to overcome or to confront…

AL: To confront, yeah. The vulnerability that lies behind those masculine assumptions is different for me and you, and we must begin to look at that…

JB: Yes, yes…

AL: And the fury that is engendered in the denial of that vulnerability – we have to break through it because there are children growing up believe that it is legitimate to shed female blood, right? I have to break through it because those boys really think that the sign of their masculinity is impregnating a sixth grader. I have to break through it because of that little sixth-grade girl who believes that the only thing in life she has is what lies between her legs…

JB: Yeah, but we’re not talking now about men and women. We’re talking about a particular society. We’re talking about a particular time and place. You were talking about the shedding of Black blood in the streets, but I don’t understand –

AL: Okay, the cops are killing the men and the men are killing the women. I’m talking about rape. I’m talking about murder.

JB: I’m not disagreeing with you, but I do think you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’m not trying to get the Black man off the hook – or Black women, for that matter – but I am talking about the kingdom in which we live.

AL: Yes, I absolutely agree; the kingdom in which these distortions occur has to be changed.

JB: Something happens to the man who beats up a lady. Something happens to the man who beats up his grandmother. Something happens to the junkie. I know that very well. I walked the streets of Harlem; I grew up there, right? Now you know it is not the Black cat’s fault who sees me and tries to mug me. I got to know that. It’s his responsibility but it’s not his fault. That’s a nuance. UI got to know that it’s not him who is my enemy even when he beats up his grandmother. His grandmother has got to know. I’m trying to say one’s got to see what drove both of us into those streets. We be both from the same track. Do you see what I mean? I’ve come home myself, you know, wanting to beat up anything in sight- but Audre, Audre…

AL: I’m here, I’m here…

JB: I agree with you. I see exactly what you mean and it hurts me at least as much as it hurts you. But how to maneuver oneself past this point – how not to lose him or her who may be in what is in effect occupied territory. That is really what the Black situation is in this country. For the ghetto, all that is lacking is barbed wire, and when you pen people up like animals, the intention is to debase them and you have debased them.

AL: Jimmy, we don’t have an argument

JB: I know we don’t.

AL: But what we do have is a real disagreement about your responsibility not just to me but to my son and to our boys. Your responsibility to him is to get across to him in a way that I never will be able to because he did not come out of my body and has another relationship to me. Your relationship to him as his farther is to tell him I’m not a fit target for his fury.

JB: Okay, okay…

AL: It’s so entrenched in him that it’s part of him as much as his Blackness is.

JB: All right, all right…

AL: I can’t do it. You have to.

JB: All right, I accept – the challenge is there in any case. It never occurred to me that it would be otherwise. That’s absolutely true. I simply want to locate where the danger is…

AL: Yeah, we’re at war…

JB: We are behind the gates of a kingdom which is determined to destroy us.

AL: Yes, exactly so. And I’m interested in seeing that we do not accept terms that will help us destroy each other. And I think one of the ways in which we destroy each other is by being programmed to knee-jerk on our differences. Knee-jerk on sex. Knee-jerk on sexuality…

JB: I don’t quite know what to do about it, but I agree with you. And I understand exactly what you mean. You’re quite right. We get confused with genders – you know, what the western notion of woman is, which is not necessarily what a woman is at all. It’s certainly not the African notion of what a woman is. Or even the European notion of what a woman is. And there’s certainly not standard of masculinity in this country which anybody can respect. Part of the horror of being a Black American is being trapped into being an imitation of an imitation.

AL: I can’t tell you what I wished you would be doing. I can’t redefine masculinity. I can’t redefine Black masculinity certainly. I am in the business of redefining Black womanness. You are in the business of redefining Black masculinity. And I’m saying, ‘Hey, please go on doing it,’ because I don’t know how much longer I can hold this fort, and I really feel that Black women are holding it and we’re beginning to hold it in ways that are making this dialogue less possible.

JB: Really? Why do you say that? I don’t feel that at all. It seems to me you’re blaming the Black man for the trap he’s in.

AL: I’m not blaming the Black man; I’m saying don’t shed my blood. I’m not blaming the Black man. I’m saying if my blood is being shed, at some point I’m gonna have a legitimate reason to take up a knife and cut your damn head off, and I’m not trying to do it.

JB: If you drive a man mad, you’ll turn him into a beast – it has nothing to do with his color.

AL: If you drive a woman insane, she will react like a beast too. There is a larger structure, a society with which we are in total and absolute war. We live in the mouth of a dragon, and we must be able to use each other’s forces to fight it together, because we need each other. I am saying that in our joint battle we have also developed some very real weapons, and when we turn them against each other they are even more bloody, because we know each other in a particular way. When we turn those weapons against each other, the bloodshed is terrible. Even worse, we are doing this in a structure where we are already embattled. I am not denying that. It is a family discussion I’m having now. I’m not laying blame. I do not blame Black men for what they are. I’m asking them to move beyond. I do not blame Black men; what I’m saying is, we have to take a new look at the ways in which we fight our joint oppression because if we don’t, we’re gonna be blowing each other up. We have to begin to redefine the terms of what woman is, what man is, how we relate to each other.

JB: But that demands redefining the terms of the western world…

AL: And both of us have to do it; both of us have to do it…

JB: But you don’t realize that in this republic the only real crime is to be a Black man?

AL: No, I don’t realize that. I realize the only crime is to be Black. I realize the only crime is to be Black, and that includes me too.

JB: A Black man has a prick, they hack it off. A Black man is a ****** when he tries to be a model for his children and he tries to protect his women. That is a principal crime in this republic. And every Black man knows it. And every Black woman pays for it. And every Black child. How can you be so sentimental as to blame the Black man for a situation which has nothing to do with him?

AL: You still haven’t come past blame. I’m not interested in blame, I’m interested in changing…

JB: May I tell you something? May I tell you something? I might be wrong or right.

AL: I don’t know – tell me.

JB: Do you know what happens to a man-?

AL: How can I know what happens to a man?

JB: Do you know what happens to a man when he’s ashamed of himself when he can’t find a job? When his socks stink? When he can’t protect anybody? When he can’t do anything? Do you know what happens to a man when he can’t face his children because he’s ashamed of himself? It’s not like being a woman…

AL: No, that’s right. Do you know what happens to a woman who gives birth, who puts that child out there and has to go out and hook to feed it? Do you know what happens to a woman who goes crazy and beats her kids across the room because she’s so full of frustration and anger? Do you know what that is? Do you know what happens to a lesbian who sees her woman and her child beaten on the street while six other guys are holding her? Do you know what that feels like?

JB: Mm-hm.

AL: Well then, in the same way you know how a woman feels, I know how a man feels, because it comes down to human beings being frustrated and distorted because we can’t protect the people we love. So now let’s start –

JB: All right, okay…

AL: - let’s start with that and deal.

Essence Magazine, 1984