do you have any idea just how much I have missed you

IM GOING TO FUCKING FLIP A GOD DAMN TABLE

I’ve been sick for the past three weeks. THREE WEEKS. First a stomach flu that made me constantly throw up. Then a horrific head cold that made me miss a WEEK of school. And then I had ANOTHER flu thing where I was literally bed ridden with a high fever for five days and I missed ANOTHER. GOD. DAMN. WEEK. OF. SCHOOL.

Today is Sunday and I was finally feeling a bit better! I could eat a little without feeling like there was a red hot rock dropped into my stomach. You have no idea how fucking happy I was.

It is now nearly 2am and I haven’t slept at all because my stomach hurts so fucking bad and I feel like I’m about to throw up everywhere and am possibly passing MY TENTH FUCKING KIDNEY STONE

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

IM IN SO MUCH PAIN
IM EXTREMELY ANXIOUS BC OF MISSING SO MUCH SCHOOL
AND IM SO FUCKING DEPRESSED

MY GENERAL ANXIETY AND CHRONIC DEPRESSION ARE GOING SO FAR INTO OVERDRIVE THAT I SERIOUSLY MIGHT JUST EXPLODE RIGHT NOW

AT LEAST IT WILL END MY SUFFERING

…I really need a hug…

nmimind asked:

Thank you for keeping this page up. I sincerely hope some day Sam comes back and sees how much she's been missed. I have four of her stories saved in my ibooks and my google drive. I downloaded them from Ao3 so I could read them at any time without wifi. I have Daddy Demon Dean, A Jeans and T-Shirt Kind of Joy, *Hot and Cold* and *When You Have Lemons, *Please Do Not Make Lemonade*. I am willing to share privately. I wonder if anyone else has some of her others? Can we make a contact list? *favs

Bless you, that is an amazing idea! I’m so here for a Sam fan club and it would mean a LOT to me to be able to read her fics again. Maybe I could set up a submit box for people to send their downloads in so everyone can read? Or we could just do a contact list, let me know! 

I’m getting really sick of the “special snowflake” comeback whenever some schmuck gets offended by the existence of my gender and/or orientations.

Like…

I’m a motherfucking freak. Monster is an apt term. But the idea that the most freakish thing about me is that I don’t wanna fuck or that I’m male and female?

Wow. You just missed like 99.98% of my weirdness. And let me say that I am a special fucking snowflake. There is no entity on this or any other plane that is just like me. Yes. Thank you for noticing; that is special. And you’re a special fucking snowflake, too.

But to act like my sexuality and gender are some performance I put on? Ha! Do you have any idea how much time I had to spend–still have to spend–performing cis-binary heterosexual bullshit just to avoid having to give impromptu classroom discussions and answer a bunch of invasive questions and being disowned by my family?

“Ugh. It’s for *~*~*attention*~*~*.”

AHAHAHAHA YES. INSTEAD OF DYEING MY HAIR* ANOTHER COLOR OR RIPPING UP MY JEANS* OR JUST TAKING UP THE FUCKING BAGPIPES* I CHANGED MY ORIENTATION AND GENDER. YES. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

Allllll for the *~*~*attention*~*~* of people like you.

*none of these are wrong behaviors whether you’re doing them for attention or not

anonymous asked:

All?? <3

1:What are you wearing? just a shirt and sweats
2:Ever been in love? i am rn so yes
3:Ever had a terrible breakup? not really, some have been messy but not terrible
4:How tall are you? 5′4″ or so 
5:How much do you weigh? i have no idea 
6:Any tattoos do you want? theres a few but i dont know if id actually get it 
7:Any piercings that you want? ^
8:OTP? myself and my bed currently 
9:Favorite Show? ahhh probably gotham, daredevil or some gordon ramsay show 
10:Favorite bands? the strokes and the black keys definitely 
11:Something you miss? my bf even though he just went to bed
12:Favorite song? idk, thats hard. probably something by led zeppelin 
13:How old are you? 21
14:Zodiac sign? sagittarius 
15:Hair Color? black
16:Favorite Quote? idk man shit 
17:Favorite singer? uhh grimes or julian casablancas 
18:Favorite color? grey or baby pink 
19:Loud music or soft? loud loud loud 
20:Where do you go when you’re sad? my bed or skype 
21:How long does it take you to shower? like fifteen mins
22:How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? depends if im getting fully ready but ususally like 15 mins again
23:Ever been in a physical fight? yeah
24:Turn on? being aggressive tbh
25:Turn off? nothing really i mean, being unhygienic is a quick way to turn me off 
26:The reason I joined Tumblr? i think my gf a the time told me 
27:Fears? not succeeding 
28:Last thing that made you cry? idk im depressed so its constant 
29:Last time you cried? yesterday for like a minute 
30:Meaning behind your url: listen. i love rory 
31:Last book you read? the hobbit if comics dont count 
32:Last song you listened to? idk
33:Last show you watched? masterchef junior 
34:Last person you talked to? my brother
35:The relationship between you and the person you last texted? hes my boyfriend 
36:Favorite food? tbh the fried macaroni from pluckers is way fucking good
37:Place you want to visit? germany
38:Last place you were? walmart 
39:Do you have a crush? duh?? i like my boyfriend 
40:Last time you kissed someone? a few years lol
41:Last time you were insulted and what was it? idr
42:What color underwear are you wearing? pink
43:What color shirt are you wearing? black
44:What color bottoms are you wearing? ^
45:Wearing any bracelets? none
46:Last sport you played? idk 
47:Last song you sang? no idea
48:Last prank call you remember doing? idk prolly 7th grade bc thats childish shit 
49:Last time you hung out with anyone? idk 
50:Favorite movie? anything tolkien or star wars tbh