-If you are mentally ill without consistent means of treatment
-If you cannot afford doctor’s bills
-If the thought of having a gay, trans, or nonbinary child makes you upset.
-If the cant accept having to care for a child with a disability or special needs.
-If the thought of having a fat child makes you upset.
-If you have a bad/short temper
-If you’re in an abusive relationship
-If you’re not ready to put someone else’s needs first, EVERY SINGLE DAY, for 18 years.
-If you have an ideal of what this person is going to be like and anything other than that image makes you upset.
-If you need to have a quiet and tidy home at all times.
-If you need to control all aspects of their life even into adulthood.
-if you believe they owe you unconditional, unquestionable respect regardless of your own behavior.
-If you don’t believe they have the right to privacy in their own home.
-If you’re unwilling to change your lifestyle to accommodate the demands of parenthood.
-If you do not believe ALL humans of every race, gender, sexuality, religion, and career deserve the same rights and respect.
Look. Your baby could be fat. Your “son” could actually be your daughter; or both or neither. They could be a lawyer or a porn star. You could have a boy who loves makeup and grows up to be an athiest that brings home an alaskan lumberjack named Boris and the two make a living doing gay camshows . You could have a daughter with blue hair, pierced tits, who is a YouTube rapping sensation called Krispee Kareem and marries a black man and wants 8 kids with him
YOU NEVER KNOW
But what I DO know is that parenthood isnt Build-a-Baby; you get what you fuckin’ get and if you’re not prepared to love and support the shit outta that baby; WHOEVER they grow up to be–
internet celebrities sell an image of themselves. cut and dry, that’s what they’re selling – theyre selling their personality, their friendships and relationships, and how they interact with their fans. you dont know any of these people, and their intentions are much more business oriented than you realize.
i do believe, obviously, that some of these people are actually kind human beings working towards a better creator/consumer relationship for the future. but kindness is En Vogue right now, ESPECIALLY for men. kindness is hip. kindness is accessible. kindness is easy to fake. common human decency should not be a schtick! but it’s becoming one, slowly but surely, and it allows assholes like nick robinson to continue to be BLATANT assholes while crafting this adorrrrable image.
im never going to be satisfied with a puff piece about how a celebrity is just so PC you guys look at that! again. i dont care. because it should be expected. but as long as it’s not, it’s becoming not a popular ideology or a popular way of thinking, but a popular gimmick to secure a niche of fans.
STAY CAUTIOUS! CRITIQUE OFTEN! LET VICTIMS SPEAK! DON’T TRUST ANYONE.
season 1A: 9 episodes (5 Not Counting Greg or Connie) season 1B: 13.5 episodes (5.5 NCGoC)* season 2: 11.5 episodes (5.5 NCGoC)** season 3: 8 episodes (4 NCGoC) season 4: 9 episodes (so far) (4 NCGoC)
*On The Run gets a technicality, as Amethyst is implied to talk with the Cool Kids in musical montage **Does Say Uncle count? Does Uncle Grandpa count as human?
Early on in the show, I was under the impression that Steven’s role as a hybrid would be to, you know, help Gems better work with humans and bring two largely separate cultures together. Yet, the disconnect between humans and gems seems just as stagnant as ever. Even with new gems living on Earth with no set status quo to stop them from interacting with humans, they live far away by themselves instead of exploring new interactions. Humans have their own episodes, completely separate from the plot, with no apparent agency in the alien threat to their own home.
Season 4 shows promise for this to change, but time will tell if they get to fight alongside the gems, or continue being the damsels in the background. I’ve got my fingers crossed.
okay, so more on the humans are weird tag, I’m thinking of doing one of my own every day what do you think? anyway todays is, yep you guessed it: memes. not necessarily just memes though, just jokes in general. memes were just my starting thought, but hey, let’s go from what seems like the logical start. How weird are human jokes? Like, we have some which just don’t make sense, like i don’t know if anyone else has seen that “No, two goat is too much” post [that probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else but i know what joke I’m talking about] but even if you don’t know that post i’m sure you’ve seen them around, those posts that make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, but you laugh ridiculously hard at.
another type of jokes: puns. why do we find them funny??? don’t get me wrong, i love them, but why? I’ve been thinking about it for a solid two minutes and i can’t even come up with an accurate definition of puns. in times like this i often turn to google: pun: a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings like honestly, we just went “Hey, these two words sound similar but mean two completely different things, that’s hillarious!”k knock
Some of our jokes don’t even have answers! like what’s that about? And what about the jokes that aren’t even jokes, like why did the chicken cross the road? imagine how confused they’d be and what about knock knock jokes? i’d probably go something like this: Human: hey Jeff, knock knock
Alien: Why are you knocking, isn’t knocking something done, not something verbally spoken, have i misunderstood the concept of knocking? Human: No. no, no, not at all, it’s a joke Alien: a… joke?
Human: yeah, I say knock knock, and then you say who’s there. after that I’ll answer and you repeat what i said but with who on the end, and then i answer that. do you get it.
Alien, I believe i understand human!Jack, you will knock i will ask who is there, you shall say your name and i shall ask you to clarify. is a joke a training exercise of some kind? a way to make sure we answer in an apropriate way?
Human: no, not really, like I won’t reply with my name, i’ll reply with something else Alien: Ah! so we are always open to new names and outcomes, genius!
Human: Erm, no not exactly, let’s let’s just try it Alien: Excelent, I am excited!
Human: knock knock:
Alien: Who is there?
Alien: Isabelle who?
Human: Is the bell broken? i had to knock!
Alien: What a wonderful name, do please come in Isabelle broken i had to knock.
Alien: What a wonderful exercise, we should do these “jokes” more often! [walks away] Human: …
yeah, you see how it might get confusing.
alright, now it’s time to get to what I’m sure is the reason you’re here: memes. memes make no sense, and you might think that would go under non-sensical jokes, but what more got me thinking, was how memes die. like, after a wile, a meme just dies out, everyone moves on and people don’t really think of them as funny anymore, what’s with that? like maybe they’ll think jokes are a seasonal thing just imagine: Alien: Ah, yes i saw one of those “Forcefully removed” jokes the other day, and i brought it here to show you Human: Oh, those aren’t funny anymore. Alien: Oh, is this one not up to par?
Human: no, not that, just all of them
Alien: but it was before?
Human: Yeah, those were the shit a few months ago
Alien: Then why stop? is it seasonal? do jokes have a cycle? Is it because it’ aimed at different age groups? Human: no, none of that, it just is.
anyway, not very well explained, but you get my point.
now Imagine a crew that’s pretty used to the humans, they can differentiate between jokes and serious, a few of them get the jokes even, they enjoy the jokes. then imagine one of the crew members likes dark humour, maybe they start telling anti jokes
Human: hey, wanna hear a joke?
Alien: Ooh, yes!
Human: A man walks into a bar
Alien: ooh, i love these ones
Human: His alcoholism is ruining his life and his family is falling apart.
Alien: wait what
as i said, human humour is weird. tomorrow, I’ll get into fashion.
cold stone walls close in on you. There’s fresh, clean straw under you
and an empty bucket in one corner. A torch burns resolutely in the
hallway. You knew this was a stupid idea. One of the boys in your
village convinced you that the wizard is a fraud, that his potions are
sugar water and his magical talismans are useless bits of junk. The boy
dared you to sneak into the wizard’s tower, steal something, and bring
it back. You agreed, but mostly to shut him up. You’re not afraid of the
wizard or his alleged power. There’s no such thing as magic, after all.
wizard’s tower was just outside of the village, at the edge of the
forest. If it had any kind of guards or defenders, you’d never seen
them. You snuck in through a crack in the wall and looked through
shelves of bones and crystals and things you couldn’t even identify,
searching for something small enough to slip into your pocket. You were
startled by a noise behind you, and even more startled when you turned
to look at the source. A little humanlike figure, about the size of a
pigeon, sat perched on a shelf and grinned at you. It spread out its
batlike wings and said something in a language you’d never heard, a few
syllables that echoed strangely in the small room. Everything went
black, and when you woke up, you were in a cell.
So here you are,
imprisoned. There’s a man looking at you through the barred door. He’s a
short and slight, with a neatly trimmed beard. You’ve seen him before,
hawking the wizard’s wares in the village market, all smiles and lofty
promises as he peddled healing potions and fertility charms. He is not
“Why did you invade my tower?” he asks. “Go on, let’s hear it.”
always assumed that he was actually the wizard’s assistant, or just a
hireling. He looks nothing like you’ve always pictured wizards. He’s
wearing a look of extreme annoyance and the kind of tunic and trousers
that wouldn’t look out of place on the village innkeeper. You don’t know
what you expected. Elaborate robes and a long gray beard. For some
unknowable reason, you’re unwise enough to say so.
“The robes are
only for ceremonial use,” he says. “They are dreadfully uncomfortable. I
can’t be bothered to wear them all the time. You break into my home,
and now you expect me to walk around draped in all that nonsense just to
meet your expectations?”
Lost for words, you can only shake your head.
what about you?” he asks, crossing his arms. “Why are you here? I warn
you, I won’t take pity on you no matter how heartrending your story is.
Your mother’s dying from some horrible disease the healers have never
seen before? Is it your sister? Are your crops failing? I rather liked
the thief who said he needed a lucky charm so he could win enough gold
to pay off his gambling debts. I can imagine how he got into trouble in
the first place.”
“A boy in the village dared me,” you admit, and
your voice comes out as little more than a whisper. It sounds pathetic
even to you. Your heart is pounding and if you weren’t still on the
ground, you’d probably collapse anyway. “I only said yes so he’d shut
up. I didn’t even take anything. I swear, I’ll never come here again-”
You trail off as the words die in your throat.
The wizard closes
his eyes and sighs deeply. “Those charms I sell in the market? Those are
mere trinkets,” he says. “Little things to keep the villagers happy.
You have no idea what I can really do. If you ran off with something
really dangerous, you could unleash horrors you can’t even imagine. I
mean hellfire raining from the skies, cattle transforming into ravenous
beasts. And that would be the least of it. You could end the world.”
“I’m sorry,” you try to say, but it just comes out as a squeaking noise.
still glaring at you, but something in his expression actually seems to
soften a little. “Still, you’re honest,” he says. “That’s a rare
“Are you going to let me go?” you ask.
The little winged creature is sitting on his shoulder. It chitters at you and draws one slender finger across its throat.
wizard smiles coldly. “Eventually,” he says. “I can’t let intruders
just run off on their merry way. You might decide to pay me a return
visit. Or tell someone that I’m soft on thievery.” He pulls a bottle out
of his pocket and holds it up to the bars. It’s clear glass, with a
cork trapping some clear reddish liquid inside. “Here’s the deal. Drink
this, endure what’s going to happen to you, and then you can go. Don’t
drink it, and you’ll stay locked in this cell forever or until I find
another use for you and all those delightful organs of yours. You would
not believe what you can do with a human spleen.”
“Endure” is a very scary word, considering your current situation. But
he did promise to let you go, and whatever that potion does can’t be
worse than staying locked up forever. At least, you hope not.
potion bottle clinks against cold iron as you pull it through the
bars.. It’s heavier than it looks. “What is it?” you ask, studying the
contents. “What’s going to happen to me if I drink this?”
ruin the surprise? It will hurt,” he says. “It won’t kill you. If I
wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have bothered with the cell or dangling
the thought of freedom out in front of you. I’m not that sadistic. Well,
I am. But only sometimes.”
It’s still not very reassuring, but
what he’s saying makes sense. He hasn’t hurt you so far, besides locking
you up. And to be honest, taking his offer is the best option you have
available. “Okay,” you say. “I’ll drink it. And then do you swear by the
Light that you’ll let me go?”
The wizard is quiet for a moment.
“The Light and I are not on particularly good terms,” he says. “But if
it puts you more at ease, I swear by the Light that I’ll release you
alive and unharmed.”
Somehow, it doesn’t put you at ease at all. But you believe him.
try to open the potion bottle. The cork’s wedged in tightly and your
hands are shaking too hard to pull it out. The little winged creature
flutters off the wizard’s shoulder, flies right through the door, and
lands beside you. Its agile fingers work the cork out easily, and the
creature holds the bottle out to you expectantly. The potion smells like
herbs and something you can’t quite identify.
“My familiar will
have to stay here to keep you company,” says the wizard. “I can see
through its eyes, and it is rather stronger than it appears. I’d advise
against trying anything. Now, drink that so I can get back to work.”
your eyes, you swallow the bottle’s contents. It tastes overly sweet
and your throat tingles afterwards. You’re tingling all over, actually,
and you can feel something shifting deep inside of you. There’s a twinge
of pain deep in your belly. “What did I just drink?” you ask, trying to
fight off a feeling of impending doom. “What’s happening to me?”
The wizard’s already setting off down the hallway. “You’ll see,” is all he says.
familiar can’t seem to sit still. It paces up and down the length of
your cell, occasionally flying out through the walls and back again.
Whenever you try the walls they’re solid rock; the familiar must be able
to pass through them magically. Once, you get up to try the door but
the familiar just chitters at you menacingly. You sit back down and try
to ignore the growing ache in your belly.
It started out as a
mild annoyance, so slight you thought you were imagining it. Now it
feels like someone’s punched you in the belly; not hard, but it hurts
enough to be distracting. It feels like hours have passed but aside from
the stomachache, nothing else seems to be happening to you. Maybe the
potion really was sugar water after all. Or maybe it just didn’t work.
You hope it didn’t work. Then the wizard’ll have to let you go just like
he promised, right?
Your clothes are getting tighter around your
middle. That’s odd. As you reach down to put a hand on your stomach, an
icy rush of panic fills you. Your belly’s growing. It’s slow at first,
but it soon starts growing faster. Eventually you have to strip out of
your clothes just to make room for your new bulk. Once, a woman in the
village gave birth to twins, and you’re bigger now than she ever was.
You sit with your back against the cold stone wall and watch as you grow
bigger and bigger, pinned beneath your own growing belly. Whatever’s
inside you, it’s so heavy that you’re not sure you could stand up if you
tried to. You run your hands over your belly, oddly fascinated by the
feeling of it under your fingers. Your curiosity almost overcomes the
Something slick is running out of you and down your legs to
pool in the straw bedding. You wonder what’s inside you, and if it’s
close to being born. Some kind of creature? You’ve heard that pregnant
women can feel their babies moving, but you don’t feel anything besides a
steadily growing weight. So maybe it’s not a creature.
almost comforting. You’ve been imagining all kinds of horrible
scenarios. Now you don’t need to worry that there’s some sort of demon
beast about to claw its way out of you. Well, you weren’t worried about
that before. You’re a little worried now.
All at once you feel a
rush of fluid and some immense weight slipping into your passage. All
your other thoughts vanish. There’s something inside you and you need to
get it out, that’s all you know. You push, but you feel like the thing
inside you is barely moving at all. You whimper in pain as you push
harder, and you think you can feel it just barely inching its way down
You can feel your skin bulge outwards as the thing
moves downwards one agonizing push at a time. The wizard said it would
hurt, but this is so much worse than you feared. You feel tears
streaming down your face as you try to force the thing out. You can feel
it straining for release at your entrance. It’s barely half out and
it’s already stretching you impossibly wide. By the Light, it feels like
you’re going to split open. But you don’t, and you watch dumbfounded as
an egg slides out of you.
An egg. You’re being held prisoner by
a sadistic wizard, and he’s forcing you to lay eggs. It would be almost
funny if you weren’t in so much pain right now. You let out a groan as
another one enters your passage, begging you to squeeze it out. Again,
you start to push, and again, you feel like the egg is barely moving at
all. You scream, but it dissolves into helpless sobbing.
impossible. That first egg felt bigger than anything you could possibly
squeeze out, and who knows how many more you have inside you? The
wizard said he’d release you “eventually”. What does that even mean? How
long does he expect to keep you here? Hours? Days? Weeks?
familiar picks up your egg and flies out of the cell with it, apparently
having no trouble carrying an object bigger than itself. You wonder
where they’re going, what the wizard intends for these eggs. But then
you need to push again and the effort drives everything else out of your
The second doesn’t come much easier, but after another
exhausting ordeal an egg drops out of you and onto the straw below. And,
again, the familiar scoops it up and flies off with it to who knows
where. You feel a third egg enter your passage. Then a fourth, a fifth.
You’re losing count. All you can do is keep laying eggs and pray that
there’s an end in sight.
They start coming faster and faster.
After you birth each egg you barely have time to catch your breath
before the next one starts working its way out. You barely noticed it
through the haze of pain but now you realize that your belly hasn’t been
shrinking. In fact, it’s growing. New eggs are forming inside you
faster than you can push them out.
A horrible thought occurs to you.
“When I lay them all, that’s it?” you ask the familiar, between gasps. “He’ll let me go?”
The familiar nods excitedly.
You thought you were out of tears but now you can feel more welling up.
You just keep growing more. You’ve been tricked. The wizard lied. He’s
never going to let you go. You’ll just stay here in this cell forever,
spewing out eggs until you die, wondering when the tide will finally
stop. Your throat’s already hoarse, but you scream as another egg starts
to slide down your passage.
You cry in relief when
you notice that your belly is finally shrinking. By the end, the eggs
just slide out of you with no resistance; you couldn’t stop them even if
you wanted to. Your hole is stretched beyond recognition and every part
of you hurts. You lie there in the straw, too spent to move. “Please,
let it be over,” you whisper. You’ll never steal anything ever again.
You’ll go to the Chapel of the Light every Sun’s Day and pray for
forgiveness. You’ll kill the bastard who dared you to come here in the
The wizard steps into view in the hallway as his
familiar carries the last egg away. “Normally I give my guests a second
or third dose of the ovigenesis potion,” he says, by way of greeting.
“But, well, you were honest with me. If you like, you can have this
The potion in his hands now is one you recognize. It’s
one of the milky-pink healing potions he sells in the marketplace. He
offers it to you and you drink it down without an argument. It takes
effect almost instantly. Your pain fades and you can feel your poor,
abused muscles repairing themselves. In a few minutes you feel almost as
good as new. Almost.
You were too exhausted to realize that
you’re still naked. Naked in front of a strange man who has you locked
in a cell. Reflexively, you cover yourself.
The wizard chuckles a
little. “I can see through my familiar’s eyes, remember? I’ve seen all
you have to offer and I have no prurient interest in your body. To me,
you’re just a source of raw materials.”
You really don’t like the
way he says that. Your hands stay where they are and you look over at
your discarded clothing. Your discarded, wet clothing. Ugh.
can clean the…assorted fluids out of your clothes. You know, with
magic.” He mutters something and waves his hands. The familiar neatly
folds your clothes and lays them on a dry patch of straw. “There we go.
Do you have any other pressing needs? A glass of water, perhaps?”
answer no. Actually, you’d love a cold drink of water right now but
besides the healing potion, you’re not sure you’d feel safe drinking
anything he might offer you.
The wizard shrugs. “As I promised,
you’re alive and unharmed. Mostly unharmed, at least. My healing potion
will take care of that. I’m sure you can feel it working already. When
you’ve recovered, you can leave.” He turns and walks off into the
Strength returns to your body and your poor,
abused hole even starts to close up. When you feel confident that you
can stand without falling over, you dress yourself and follow the
chittering familiar out through the wizard’s dungeons. You head out
through the tower’s front doors and into the night. Outside, the breeze
smells sweeter than the finest perfume. You stagger home and collapse
into your bed, sleeping soundly until well into the afternoon.
never go near the tower again. The village boy shows up at your house
the next day and asks what happened. You’re tempted to punch him, but
you don’t have the strength. Instead, you tell him to fuck off as
viciously as you can manage. He doesn’t bother you again.
doesn’t quite end there. You try to avoid the wizard’s stall on market
days but somehow he’s always right in your path, and he always greets
you with a wide smile and a cheerful “Well, if it isn’t my favorite
customer!” Sometimes, he tries to offer you a very familiar red potion.
Your heart stops when you see it, but then he gives you a wink and slips
the bottle back into some hidden pocket.
Lately he’s been
selling “dragon’s egg” potions and carved amulets. Whenever you see them
set out and glinting in the sunlight, you ache somewhere deep inside.
You’re sure those eggs didn’t come out of any dragon, but you can never
work up the nerve to ask.
You develop a profound sense of
appreciation for chickens and egg-laying creatures of all kinds. You can
never look at an omelette the same way again.
And it turns out
that the potion never truly wore off. Once every few months, you’re
awakened in the middle of the night by a sharp pain in your abdomen. The
wizard’s familiar swoops in as you push a giant egg out of yourself,
cackling to itself as it watches you strain. Laying the egg is always
worse than you remember; every push feels useless, like the egg’s trying
to cling to your insides out of sheer spite. Eventually it crowns and
then slides out, leaving a void where your insides were stretched around
Every time, you wonder if this egg will really be the last
one. Every time, you ask the familiar to tell the wizard you’re sorry,
you never meant any harm, and can he fix what the potion did to you?
The familiar just grins at you and flies off into the night, holding your newborn egg in its arms.
(Hi! I’m deepoceanblue and when I sat down at my computer, this happened. Thanks for reading <3)
1. If you could have the chance to make out with 5 celebrities, who would you choose and why?
2. If you had to be straight/gay for a day (whichever you’re currently not!), what celebrity would you most like to take on a date?
3. What is the biggest injury you’ve ever sustained and how did you do it?
4. What is the most unusual food you’ve ever eaten?
5. What is the most unique animal you’ve ever touched?
6. What are the top 5 most contrasting songs on your iTunes?
7. Which 3 countries would you LEAST like to live in and why?
8. If you could make just ONE change to this world, what would it be and why?
9. If you could wake up tomorrow and be fluent in 3 additional languages, which would you choose?
10. Which would you rather out of these 3 options? A- Be good looking and extremely intelligent but so poor you live on the streets. B- Be extremely intelligent and a millionaire but what society classes as ugly. Or C- Be good looking and a millionaire but extremely academically challenged? Why?
11. What are the top 10 movies to make you cry? (Or at least make you sad!)
12. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? Describe it in detail.
13. Would you rather raise 25 children or have the chance of ever having children taken away? Why?
14. Would you rather go on a relaxing beach type holiday to the Caribbean, a cultural holiday to Japan or an adventure packed holiday to South Africa?
15. If you went to a desert island for just 6 months but could only take one album with you, what would you take?
16. Put these in order of your favourite movie genre to least- Horror, action, thriller, adventure, superhero, romance, drama, comedy, musical and dance?
17. If you had to lose one of the 5 senses, which would you choose and why?
18. What have been the top 3 most brilliant days of this year? Describe them in as much or as little detail as you like.
19. What do you believe we as human beings take most for granted in this world?
20. How many concerts have you been to in your life and which was your favourite? If you’ve not been to one, who would you most like to see?
21. If your life was about to become like Cheaper By The Dozen and you were going to be saddled with 12 children, what would you name 6 girls and 6 boys?
22. What’s something a stranger has said or done that you will never forget?
23. What do you think happens when we die?
24. What’s the most special hand made present you’ve ever been given?
25. What’s the most frightening thing you’ve ever seen in your life?
26. Name 5 books you think everyone should read and give a brief synopsis for each.
27. Do you believe one can fall out of love?
28. What are your three favourite sounding words?
29. Have you ever had a paranormal experience? If so, what happened?
30. Name 4 things you hope to see happen for you in the new year.
31. List the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you feel you commit the most to the one you feel you commit the least.
32. What’s your current- Desktop picture, phone screensaver, phone lock screen and Facebook Cover Photo?
33. How old were you the last time you went to visit Santa? Talk about that time.
34. Rate your first kiss on a scale of 1-10.
35. What’s the funniest dream you’ve ever had?
36. What are 3 facts you know about your favourite celebrity/character that prove you know too much?
37. Name 5 songs you wish you’d lost your virginity to? (Or would like to lose your virginity to.)
38. Name 5 songs you’d like to have sex to in general.
39. Put your iTunes on shuffle, write down the first line of five songs and give it to me as a poem.
40. Where do you stand on the death penalty? Explain your reasoning.
41. Who are your holy trinity? (3 celebrities or characters that come above any other for you.)
42. Would you rather- A. Have a prickly leaf stuck on your forehead for the rest of your life, B. Suffer 100,000 stings from stinging nettles or C. Get 200 thorns stuck in your body?
43. Top 5 WORST movies you’ve ever sat through?
44. 5 movies you thought you’d hate but ended up loving?
45. Tell a story that involves someone you had a crush on in school.
46. What’s your favourite ever television commercial and why?
47. If you woke up and had 10 million in your bank, what would be the first 3 things you did?
48. You can have 100 million but you have to give 1 million each to 3 different charities, which 3 do you choose?
49. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to you?
50. Would you make out with a person of the gender you’re not attracted to if it meant you could sleep with any celebrity/character of your choice? (If yes, you can choose the person to make out with.)
51. Name 5 facts that the vast majority of people won’t know about you.
52. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?
53. How important do you think education is?
54. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.
55. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it?
56. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.
57. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?
58. State 8 facts about your body.
59. Have there ever been rumours spread about you? If so, share them.
60. Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
61. Describe yourself in one word/sentence- what made you choose that?
62. What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?
63. Share 7 facts about your childhood.
64. Share 6 facts about your home town.
65. You’re in jail! What did you do?
66. You’re given $10,000…under one condition- you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who do you give it to?
67. Share 5 things you love unconditionally.
68. What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?
69. Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life.
70. Put your iTunes on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.
71. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.
72. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you choose to do and who would you choose?
73. If you could only listen to one band/artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?
74. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and they’ve taken a magical truth pill so they will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?
75. Who do you think is a really underrated celebrity and what do you love about them?
76. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what do they mean to you?
77. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person. If so, who?
78. What song makes you cry the most?
79. Share 4 facts about your parents.
80. Share 9 facts about your family.
81. Share 5 facts about your best friend(s).
82. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for in a partner?
83. Share 5 ways to instantly win your heart.
84. Top 10 biggest turn ons?
85. Top 10 biggest turn offs?
86. Have you ever had a poem or song written about you?
87. What is your personal definition of cheating in a relationship?
88. Give a description of the person you dislike the most.
89. Write an open but anonymous letter to a person of your choice.
90. What are your morning and evening routines?
91. If food was people, who would be your best friend, your life partner, your enemy and your ex?
Imagine that aliens have done their research about our species, learning about all of our revolutionaries and our art and our burning need to just make and explore and innovate. They would know that, as a species, our history/culture likes to show that we care A LOT. About all kinds of things. About everything. That getting out and doing stuff is our MO, even if we aren’t very good at it. Given that, it would probably be super shocking for them to discover that these days young humans are a bunch of sarcastic existential nihilists.
Like, just picture a particularly peppy one talking to a college student.
Weyrop was tingling with curiosity. It was their first jaunt to earth, as an envoy of their entire species. A very important job. They would have to make a good impression on the human they chose, for the sake of interstellar diplomacy. Tensions were high on the ship. They could barely keep their tentacles from whipping about. From what they could tell, humans had a similar torso to their kind. But instead of tentacles, they had strange limbs with small protuberances that served to help them grip onto things. They couldn’t wait to study one up close. Weyrop was tired from the journey through the wormhole, but they were sure that the human species’ legendary excitability would give them energy.
As they lowered their ship down into a city, they scanned the dwellings for any human being that was currently awake. It was the middle of the planet’s night cycle, but they didn’t want to be rude and catch an inhabitant unawares. Waking up in a strange place would give any species a fright. As luck would have it, there was a small window with the light still on. Weyrop ordered their assistant, Afeherk, to beam the inhabitant into their ship.
There was the sound of a clatter, faint screaming, and then silence. A glorious beam of light on the ship’s deck, and then there he was, a human being. At least, Weyrop thought it was a he. Genders were so confusing on this planet. Weyrop decided they should ask.
“Be you a male human or a female human? Or both? Or neither? Those are the words they use, right, Afeherk? Yes…”
The human took one look at Weyrop and started screaming once more. Weyrop waited for it to finish, and then repeated the question. After it ceased being paralyzed with fear, the human seemed rather disgruntled. Oh dear.
The human crossed its arms defiantly. “First of all, what the hell is going on? Second, why do you care what I am? Third, my name is Xavier. I’m a guy, believe it or not. What the hell do you believe anyway….I’m talking to a FRICKING ALIEN.”
Weyrop analyzed the human through their golden eyes. The human had short hair, black like the dark matter of space. And he was quite short compared to Weyrop and Afeherk. Humans were smaller than they expected.
“Earthly greetings, Human Known As Xavier! I am the Halactian Known As Weyrop, it is a pleasure. We mean you no harm, we only wish to establish diplomatic relations!”
“Uh…great. Okay, yeah, but I’m not the person you should be talking to for that. Haven’t you heard of NASA? Go to them, trust me, I don’t know….anything. At all. I know nothing about everything.”
The human had calmed down, but he was still on edge. And the poor thing didn’t think it was worthy of communicating with Weyrop! How peculiar. Weyrop decided to ignore its protests and press forward with the prepared questions.
“We’ve noticed that your species hasn’t advanced very far into space, yet you know about our presence, how can that be?”
“People make it up, you know? Like, allllll the time. And there are conspiracy theorists. And scientists..look, uhhhh…Weythrop, whatever your name is, can you please take me home? I’m really not the person you’re looking for.”
“You mean you…make it up? And theorize, despite not being able to get outside of your own galaxy?! Your species is so determined to explore that little solar system of yours! Human beings really are easily excited, aren’t they?”
Xavier snorted. “Meh.”
“What do you mean by ‘meh’? Is this a noise your species uses to communicate a specific meaning? I haven’t been taught the proper response,” Weyrop fretted nervously. The diplomatic mission wasn’t exactly going as planned.
“Meh means meh. What’s the point of discovering a whole galaxy? What’s the point of anything, really? Why am I here? Why are you here? Does it matter? Does anything matter? I can’t even afford rent. I haven’t slept in three days. I’ve got a paper due yesterday, and where am I? I’m here on a spaceship, talking to an alien. This is normal. Totally normal. Happens all the time. Great. Couldn’t you have abducted me tomorrow? Tomorrow is a Saturday. I don’t have school to worry about. Oh my god…oh my god I’m talking to an alien…and nothing matters.”
Weyrop noticed the dark bags under the human’s eyes and wondered if it was sick. What was this ‘school’ the human spoke of? Whatever it was, it sounded awful. Could ‘school’ be an earthly phrase for a torture camp? How terrifying…
“I…was not aware that greeting beings from other galaxies was a common occurrence on Earth. And what do you mean, ‘does anything matter’? The answer to that is, it matters if you perceive it to be worthy of mattering! But I do not see how that question is relevant at this juncture. As for abducting you later, we did not take that into consideration. Earthly apologies, Human Known As Xavier. ”
Xavier started laughing, quietly at first but louder with every moment. Weyrop had no word for this strange emotion in their language. The human wasn’t laughing because of humorous stimulation…what could be happening?
“Wow, that is…totally what I expected you to say. A five-tentacled blue alien telling me the meaning of life, I just knew this would happen eventually.”
Xavier fell to the floor on his knees, still chuckling softly. Weyrop rushed to their assistant’s side, shaking their tentacles wildly.
“Afeherk, AFEHERK!!!! As we thought, humans are capable of utilizing psychic abilities! Incredible…home planet will have much to say about our report! Do it again, Human Known As Xavier. Read my thoughts. See into the future!”
“Hmmmmm, you will meet a tall, dark stranger. Also, you’re thinking of the number twelve. Also, this is ridiculous and my life is a joke and existence is a void…hahaHAHAHA…”
“AMAZING. Afeherk, did you get that last part about the void? What funny creatures humans are! Not at all like we expected, but still, very intriguing!”
Summary: Reader and Bucky broke up, having to share time with their kid which ultimately brings them back together.
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: just fluff (maybe a lil bit of arguing) but just fluff
A/N: I was just sitting down, doing my school work when this cute/funny idea popped in my head and I immediately wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget. Hope ya like it :) I’ll edit later my dudes.
It had been about 4 months since you and Bucky had broken up from a three year long relationship. It was a nasty argument about him not being home enough due to all the missions he’d been going on with the rest of the team. Then, the argument shifted from one problem to the next. You told him you hated when he didn’t wash a dish after using it, he told you he hated how you weren’t affectionate with him anymore to which you responded with “how am I supposed to be affectionate with you when you’re never home?”. The argument went on, touching different subjects until you called it off, Bucky agreeing and storming out.
The next day he came by and gathered his things, leaving to the Avengers Tower where he lives till this day. You two somehow agreed to joint custody with your son, Zeppelin. You would have him Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and Bucky had him Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Today was Saturday and you were headed to the Tower to hand over some paperwork to Steve and Tony. You knew you’d see Bucky there and you weren’t too thrilled at the thought.
You make it to the Tower and go straight into the conference room where you knew Tony and Steve would be. “Hey guys.” you smile.
The two men look up at the doorway and smile when seeing you.
“Hey Y/N.” Steve says, walking around the table and hugging you.
“Wow, you look great.” Tony comments and you chuckle.
“It’s from sucking the souls out from my enemies.” you flip your hair over your shoulder, causing the two to laugh. “Anyways, I brought over the files you asked for. They were a little tricky to get ahold of but I got ‘em.”
“You’re a life saver.” Tony says, taking the folder from you and opening it.
“Mhm. I expect food as a token of your gratitude. Chinese is always good, or if you really wanna seal the deal, Olive Garden.” you say. “You both know where I live.”
And with that, you turn to the door, Tony and Steve saying goodbye. While making your way to the elevator, you pass the conjoined living room and kitchen, seeing Sam, Wanda, Nat and Clint. You make a U-turn and enter the room, smiling when Wanda spots you first.
“Y/N!” she shouts, rushing over to you and engulfing you in a hug.
“Hey Wanda.” you giggle.
“I haven’t seen you here in forever! Nat and I were just talking about going out for lunch today. Do you want to come?” she asked. You look over her shoulder and wave at Nat who got up and hugged you tightly.
“Uh.. Sure, why not. I’ve got nothing else to do.” you shrug. The girls cheer at your acceptance and you look over at Sam and Clint. “Hey guys.”
They greet you back and you were about to talk with them when you heard that all too familiar voice. Spinning around you see Bucky standing at the counter with Zeppelin standing next to him.
“Here you go buddy.” he murmurs, scooping some food onto a plate and placing it on the floor for Zeppelin to eat.
“What are you feeding my son, Bucky?” you spoke, walking closer to the two.
Bucky’s gaze shifts from Zeppelin to you and he pursed his lips. “Food and he’s our son, Y/N. Not just yours.”
“I sent over food with him.”
“Yeah and he didn’t like it.” the brunette argued.
“Bullshit. He eats it at home.” you respond. “Have you been feeding him human food every time he comes here?”
“He likes it.” Bucky folds his arms.
“Wait,” Clint whispers amongst Sam and the girls. “They have a son?”
“Mhm.” Sam nods.
“Zeppelin.” Nat confirms.
Clint quirks an eyebrow. “Zeppelin.. The dog?”
“Yep.” Wanda nods.
“They got a dog two years into their relationship and four months ago, when they broke up they decided on this joint custody thing.” Sam explained, all their eyes on you and Bucky.
“Y/N gets him Monday through Thursday and Bucky gets him Friday through Sunday.” Wanda adds.
Clint scoffed. “I really need to come visit more often.”
“I can’t believe you would do this.” you shake your head.
“It’s just human food Y/N, sorry that he doesn’t like the shitty dog food you buy him.” Bucky rolled his eyes.
“He’s gonna get used to that and soon he’s not going to want the dog food anymore.” you sigh. “They make dog food for a reason - so that dogs can eat it.”
Bucky gasps. “Are you calling our son a dog?”
“He is a dog you gigantic idiot.”
Bucky kneels down to be leveled with Zeppelin who was done eating the food from the plate. “It’s okay, Z. Mommy’s just being a big meanie.” he says as he hugs the dog.
You sit on the floor. “And daddy’s being a dumbass because he’s feeding you junk food and you can get sick.”
Zeppelin pulls away from Bucky and turns to you, nudging your shoulder with his nose. He always did this when he wanted you to pet him. So you did.
Bucky glared at you. “I don’t always feed him junk food.”
“Oh really? Then please tell me what other foods you feed him that are healthy!” you respond.
“He likes carrots!”
“Oh! Thank god the only healthy food you give him is carrots!” you say in a sarcastic tone.
“He likes broccoli too - and raw eggs!” Bucky moves to a sitting position.
You look at him as if he’s gone mad. “Raw eggs!? Are you crazy Bucky? Zeppelin could get salmonella or E. coli!”
Bucky makes a face. “What the fuck is E. coli?”
You hug the dog. “It’s a bacterium that can cause serious infections.”
“Oh shit.” the soldier breathed. “Well good thing I’ve only given him eggs twice.”
“Today?” you snap and he glares at you even more. You look at Zeppelin a frown. “My poor baby. Maybe I should just take you home today.”
Zeppelin licks your face and barks happily.
“What? No! It’s my day to have him, you can’t just take him from me!” Bucky shouts and you roll your eyes, ignoring him.
Without you or Bucky noticing, Wanda, Nat, Sam and Clint left the kitchen, informing Steve and Tony who they bumped into, to not go in the kitchen because the two parents were arguing.
“I wouldn’t have to take him from you if we were still together.” you comment, keeping your eyes on Zeppelin as you spoke.
Bucky scoffed. “And who’s fault is that?”
“Shut up.” you hissed. There was a small moment of silence between the two of you as you sat on the floor with Zeppelin. You keep your eyes glued to the floor as you break that silence. “You didn’t even fight it. You just agreed and left.”
Bucky sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I thought that was what you wanted.”
“Obviously not. I still wanted to be with you.” you mutter, playing with Zeppelin’s fur.
Bucky exhales. “I miss you.”
“Oh really?” your eyes snap up at him. “Cause last time I checked you were using my son to pick up chicks.”
“Our son.” he corrected for the second time. “And it was one time. The chick turned out to be boring as hell.”
You roll your eyes. “Because that makes the situation so much better.”
“Listen,” he sighs. “I know some of the things that I said were out of line and I’m sorry.”
He wasn’t talking about Zeppelin anymore.
“I’m sorry too.” you say. “I was being stupid. We fought over you not being home enough then it turned into more. The break up was my fault.”
“It was.” Bucky agrees, causing a sharp look from you. “But these past four months have made me realize that I really miss you. I miss you yelling at me for not washing dishes after I use them. I miss us folding clothes with each other.”
A smile finds its way to your lips. “We never got that done. We’d end up throwing the clothes at each other.”
Bucky laughs, remembering the moments. “I miss when we’d dance around the apartment in just our underwear.”
“We probably looked like idiots.” you giggle.
“Probably.” he nods. “But cute idiots.”
You smile - and there was that god damn moment of silence again. You think back to all the good times you’ve had with Bucky, remembering when you two first adopted Zeppelin and how happy the two of you were.
You knew Bucky tried his best to be home when he could. He loved coming home to you and Zeppelin. But sometimes missions didn’t go as planned and you knew that.
“And I know that Zeppelin misses us being together.” Bucky broke the silence.
“Yeah.” you say. “He still waits by the door for you to come home.”
“When he starts missing you I have to show him pictures of you.” Bucky spoke, scratching behind Zeppelin’s ear - his favorite spot.
You smirk. “You still have pictures of me?”
“Well yeah I-” he lets out a chuckle. “I don’t even have a reason to support that.”
The two of you watch as Zeppelin lays down in front of you on his side, whimpering and nudging you with his nose. You and Bucky laugh, scratching his side.
“Do you think Z wants his parents back together?” you question, looking at Zeppelin with a smile.
“I’d like to think he does.” Bucky nods.
“So we should.. You know.. Maybe get back together? For Zeppelin’s sake.” you look over at Bucky. He’s already looking at you.
“Yeah. No kid - or dog should grow up with their parents separated.” he nods.
You both stare at each other, eyes drifting down to each others lips a couple of times. You guys stop scratching Zeppelin, much to his dismay, and Bucky lunges at you. You fall back on the floor with him on top of you, lips attached to each others in a longing kiss. Your hands find their way to his hair and you thread your fingers through the silky locks.
Bucky lets out a groan. Oh how he missed kissing you. It was interrupted all too soon by Zeppelin who tried squeezing his way between the two of you, thinking that you guys were playing around. You and Bucky pull away and turn to Zeppelin who licked your face then Bucky’s before barking. Laughing, Bucky ruffled his fur before standing up, helping you as well.
“So.. Are we back together?” he breathed out.
“Yeah.. Are you going to move back in with me?”
“I think it would be best. For Zeppelin.” Bucky nodded.
“For Zeppelin.” you repeat.
Again, you two stare at each other before your lips were on his in another kiss and again Zeppelin got excited and jumped up, barking. The two of you pull away and Bucky scoffed.
“This damn dog is a cock block.” he huffed.
You laugh and look down at Zeppelin who stared up at you and Bucky.
“Did you just call our son a dog?” you gasp.
Bucky playfully rolls his eyes. “Shut up.” he wraps an arm around your shoulders. “Lets go home.”
“What about your stuff?” you question.
“We’ll get it tomorrow. I just wanna be with you tonight.” he hummed, kissing your cheek. Zeppelin barked. “And Zeppelin too.”
A/N: Why am I so bad at endings?? Anyways, tell me what ya think! :)
God please someone make fan art of static Bucky and Clint
with their fur and feathers standing on end I
Thor arrived, all shimmering golden fur and giant paws and
static that made his mane stand on end. He took up the entire entryway,
towering over the doorways and knocking paintings off of the walls. The lights
flickered on and off. JARVIS frantically tried to inform Tony but he kept
cutting out, and making little ‘fzzt-fzzt’ noises instead of words. Dum-E, U,
and Butterfingers began squealing hysterically in terror, zipping up and down
the length of the workshop, knocking things from tables and shelves so much
that Steve caught Tony around the waist and slithered up onto a table, holding
him above the fray.
Loki kicked Thor with more franticness than he’d ever shown
before. “Stop this immediately! You are frightening The Voice, Jarvis!”
“My apologies,” Thor said remorsefully, the timbre of his
voice causing an antique clock to fall from the wall.
He curled his legs in and under, slowly beginning to shrink
to a more suitable size, Old magic sparkling around him like a cape. When he
stood again, he was tall and broad and built like a tank engine, top half
human, bottom half still leonine, fur shimmering like his thick mane of long golden
hair. He was not as large as Hulk but his power was still there, glowing and concentrated,
so much so that the Hulk sized him up but did not engage.
“Brother!” Thor said joyfully, grabbing the paler man up in
a hug that he immediately squawked and tried to struggle out of.
Natasha and Hulk shared a long, disbelieving look before
looking back at the two Old monsters.
Steve and Tony stumbled up from the lab, looking harried.
Tony was trying to tame his hair. “What the fuck?!”
Loki skittered on his hooves, disoriented. Hulk took pity on
him and caught him, one broad hand helping him stand straight until he got his
“Oh no,” Tony said, voice small, before the monster drew him
up into a hug. He stiffened, waiting for pain, but began to relax, surprised.
Thor was gentle with him, as if knowing how sensitive he
was, how easy it was to hurt him now with the reactor. That didn’t make his hug
and less tight or protective. Tony hesitated before lifting his arms from
protecting his chest to instead wrap them around Thor’s still vaguely fuzzy
“I am glad to see you well!” Thor said, then amended “…As
well as you may be.”
“Well, it was all thanks to you,” Tony admitted as he was
Thor laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Nay, it is
truly your human—oh dear, Anthony, I do apologize,” he added as he helped the
human off the ground. “I am so unused to this form. Mayhaps I will grow used to
it! Now that I know I may see my brother here—”
“You are not invited,” Loki tried to cut in scathingly,
still clutching Hulk’s hand as his legs continued to tremor with aftershocks
from his brother’s power. It was kind of hard to take him seriously like that,
“You’re Loki’s brother?” Steve asked, and then gave Thor a
long once over before repeating in disbelief, “You’re Loki’s brother?”
“I was a foundling,” Loki muttered petulantly.
Thor turned to frown at him. “Yes, but we have always loved
you like our own. I do not understand why you left us, brother.”
Loki rolled his eyes and ‘tsk’ed. “If you do not understand,
I cannot explain it.”
“Things are suddenly making so much sense,” Tony whispered
quietly, hands on his cheeks. Then he jumped a little. “Wait where—where are
Bucky and Clint?”
Steve frowned. “Bucky was gonna go see if Clint wanted to go
outside, last I checked, but I don’t know if they made it outside—”
They all rushed toward the den. There was a trail of
feathers leading to the small closet and Bucky’s tail was sticking out from
under the couch.
Tony rushed to the closet as Steve rushed to the couch.
“Clint! Clint, are you okay?!”
“…’m fine,” came Clint’s muttered answer, muffled by the
Tony frowned, putting his hands against the wood. “Really?”
“But how can I be sure unless you show me?” Tony asked,
honestly concerned, because Clint was still—hurting. Tony had been back from
Afghanistan for two months and Clint still went through bouts of protectiveness
There was a very long pause before the doorknob jiggled.
Tony stepped back to allow the door to open. For a long moment, nothing
happened, so Tony took a few more steps back in case Clint was feeling cagey.
Clint slid one clawed foot out of the closet, paused, then
sighed and squeezed out the rest of the way, staring at Tony forlornly.
Tony stared at him, gaping, hands slowly rising to cover his
“Don’t laugh,” Clint said miserably, trying to push his
feathers down. “Also help? They won’t—they won’t stay down.”
Tony immediately reached out to try and help push Clint’s
feathers down, letting out a yelp when he was zapped by some particularly
strong static. “Ow!”
Clint turned to glare at Natasha, who had begun laughing at
him the moment he’d stepped out. “I said don’t laugh! I look like I flew
through a bad lightning storm, just—not as wet fuck why did this happen?!” he lamented, tucking his wings around
Tony heard Steve burst out laughing and turned, unable to
help the startled giggle that escaped him when he saw Bucky, sour-faced and all
his fur standing on end. He looked like a giant Pomeranian. “Oh!”
“Laugh it up, you asshole,” Bucky snapped, then reached out
to graze a finger over Steve’s cheek.
Steve yelped and grabbed his cheek, slithering backward and
looking at Bucky with betrayal. “Oh, come on! It’s funny! You’d laugh at me if
I had fur to do this!”
Bucky sneered at him before turning to look up at Thor,
scowling. “Thanks for nothing, buddy.”
“I apologize,” Thor repeated. “It has been so long since I
have entered a human dwelling, I had no idea how much had changed—and certainly
I did not expect… so many of you.”
“Anthony is fond of monsters,” Loki said from behind him. He
sounded like a sulking child. No one was brave enough to point that out. “That
is why I sent you after him. What would become of these poor creatures without
Natasha turned to face him slowly, face a blank mask. “And
just who is a poor creature?”
Tony had to cover his mouth again to smother his giggle at
how Loki found something else interesting very quickly and had to leave the
Thor turned to Natasha, looking delighted. “Ah, I see you
have a warrior’s heart!”
“I’ll eat him,” Natasha replied.
Thor paused a moment before letting out a booming laugh.
“You are quite terrifying! I like it!”
Natasha awkwardly took a few steps back before managing a
“It was Stane,” Pepper said, setting a thick folder onto the
table. She took a deep breath before her face crumpled. She covered it quickly,
shoulders shaking. “It was Stane.”
Tony didn’t want to believe it. He dragged the folder closer
and began looking through it, frantic to find something—anything—to tell him that Pepper was wrong, that it was a mistake.
Thor frowned as Tony began to cry as well, silent tears that
dripped down his cheeks as his hands began to tremble. Perhaps—perhaps now was
not a good time to bid farewell. He backed out of the kitchen quietly, wincing
when he bumped into someone and knocked them over.
“Ow what the he—” Bucky began angrily, letting out a yelp
when Thor immediately clamped a hand around his muzzle to silence him. He
growled and struggled as he was dragged away from the door, clawing at the
blond’s hand, and snarled when Thor let go of him. “What the actual fuck you asshole—”
“Anthony is—” Thor paused, searching for words. “…He has
gotten some bad news.”
“Bad? What bad? Like his heart thingy is dying bad or Pepper
scolded him for not eating more vegetables bad?” Bucky asked immediately.
Thor tilted his head, searching again, even though he knew
the younger monster was getting impatient. That was the trouble with all these
younger monsters—they hadn’t had millennia like he had, so they rushed into
things. “It appears that the cause of his… problems,” he began after a moment.
“Were caused by a man named Stane. And he is distraught over this.”
“Oh,” Bucky said, and then his face fell. “Oh. Oh no.”
Thor frowned in concern. “Is this—is this Stane someone
close to him?”
Bucky turned and grabbed his shoulders, frowning up at him.
“He was Tony’s uncle figure. We tried to tell him he was no good, but… you know
“I really do not, but I believe I understand,” Thor said
“…I’m sorry,” Agent Coulson offered.
Tony watched him compile all of the files Pepper had given
“We appreciate that,” Pepper said, putting her hands on
Tony’s shoulders. “Thank you, Agent Coulson.” She gripped Tony’s shoulders
tightly when the other man stood. “Let’s walk him to the door, Tony.”
Tony stood mechanically, pushed in his chair. He led the way
to the door.
“Oh,” Agent Coulson said, staring at the ceiling.
Tony and Pepper looked up as well. They blanched when they
saw the giant cobweb up there and scrambled to come up with an explanation.
“Looks like you have an infestation,” Agent Coulson mused.
“You can always call on us for that as well.”
“They’re not a bother,” Tony snapped immediately, then
Agent Coulson gave him a bland look. “I never said they
were. We’ll keep you updated on the process. So far we should have enough to
indict him without bail but I’ll let you know how that goes.”
“Thank you, Agent Coulson,” Pepper cut in before Tony could
say anything else.
“Have a good evening,” Agent Coulson replied before stepping
out the door.
They waited until his car passed the gate before Tony turned
and bellowed, “NATASHA!”
Natasha poked her head in from the den, looking contrite. “I
wanted to hear what was happening with Stane so I could tell Clint.”
Pepper watched Tony sag like all the fight had been taken
out of him. She did not feel the same defeat. “I told you I’d keep you abreast
of the situation.”
“They’ve always told me that Obi—that Stane was bad news,”
Tony admitted quietly.
“Oh, like they’ve never been wrong,” Pepper scoffed. “They
thought I was bad news.”
Tony looked up at her in confusion. “Wait, what?”
“You were a different kind,”
“No, bad news is bad, no matter which way you spin it,”
Pepper cut in immediately. “You thought I was going to hurt Tony or his company
and as much as you say you’re sorry and as much as I may forgive you, I’m not
going to forget it. You’re not infallible.”
“What?” Tony repeated in disbelief. “Pepper—Pepper’s a gift.”
Natasha sighed. “And we know that now.”
“I think you all need to take a step back and remember that
Tony’s a human,” Pepper added coldly. “You can’t just keep him here like some
sort of princess in a castle. He’s needed outside this mansion. I understand that
Clint has PTSD and anxiety out the whazoo but please. Trust me.” She spread her hands. “You’re Tony’s family and
I’m always going to be a little hurt that you didn’t like me at first but I
have nothing but Tony’s best interest at heart—which means I have nothing but your best interests at heart. Stane
wanted Tony to move out of here and I made him shut up about it so Tony didn’t
have to worry about you. I am on your side.”
Natasha said honestly, realizing that this was an apology everyone would have
to make individually. She stepped further out from behind the wall, frowning,
as she looked Pepper up and down. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a human like you
“And you never will again,” Pepper told her seriously, but
there was a smile playing at her lips.
“Okay, but,” Tony began, but then Pepper turned and put a
finger to his lips, whispering, ‘shhh.’ He blinked as he watched her walk back
into the kitchen, then burst out a perplexed, “What?!”
“Friend Anthony,” Thor boomed, making him jump and flail.
Clint squawked as he dropped him from the back of the couch. “I must take my
leave of you!”
“The hell,” Tony
began, rubbing his tailbone, before letting out a yelp as Thor grabbed him by
the shoulders and lifted him up like he weighed nothing. “Oh!”
“Do not tell Loki, but I have another human whom I had to
take leave from to rescue you,” Thor whispered conspiratorially.
Tony stared up at him, eyes round with surprise. “Really?!”
“Yes. Three, actually,” he added, tilting his head.
“Although Lady Jane was the one that hit me with her car.”
Tony gaped, voice barely heard above Clint beginning to cackle with laughter. “What.”
“In any case, I must take my leave of you,” Thor repeated,
looking down at him fondly. “Please take care of my brother. I know that he is
a handful, but… he appears to enjoy your company. He asked me to rescue you,
Tony blinked up at him, frowning. “How did you find me, anyway?”
“I rely less on magic than my dear brother,” Thor began,
then tilted his head, frowning. “…I am surprised he did not have a thread of
magic wrapped around you. He will have fixed that error by now. But as I do not
rely on magic, it is of no consequence when I cannot feel it. Loki intimated to
me that no one could find you, and I… Alas, I am foolhardy this way. I took it
as the challenge Loki expected I would. It helped that the villagers whispered
rumors of your passing through still, when I finally made it there. I am not ashamed
of falling for his scheme,” he decided after a moment. “At least not this time.
Loki has so few he calls comrades. He has found a home here. I am glad of this,
“I—I’m glad of it too, Thor,” Tony admitted, because
sometimes he wondered. Loki’s attitude was hard to parse even on the best of
days, but hearing that… it was nice. “You can come visit whenever you want.”
Thor smiled, and it lit up his whole face. “Thank you,
Anthony. I will remember your kindness.”
“Do you guys even realize how ominous it is when you say
shit like that,” Tony complained, and Thor laughed before turning to leave the
He’d learned his lesson. He would change forms outside, well
away from the building.
1. What is your full name? 2.Where and when were you born? 3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) 4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? 5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. 6. What is your occupation? 7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. 8. To which social class do you belong? 9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? 10. Are you right- or left-handed? 11. What does your voice sound like? 12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? 13. What do you have in your pockets? 14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
Part 2: Growing Up
15. How would you describe your childhood in general? 16. What is your earliest memory? 17. How much schooling have you had? 18. Did you enjoy school? 19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? 20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. 21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? 22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? 23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? 24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? 25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? 26. When and with whom was your first kiss? 27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? 28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.
Part 3: Past Influences
29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? 30. Who has had the most influence on you? 31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? 32. What is your greatest regret? 33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? 34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? 35. When was the time you were the most frightened? 36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? 37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? 38. What is your best memory? 39. What is your worst memory?
Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? 41. What is your greatest fear? 42. What are your religious views? 43. What are your political views? 44. What are your views on sex? 45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? 46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? 47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? 48. What do you believe makes a successful life? 49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? 50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? 51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? 52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
Part 5: Relationships With Others
53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? 54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? 55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? 56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. 57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. 58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. 59. What do you look for in a potential lover? 60. How close are you to your family? 61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? 62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? 63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? 64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? 65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? 66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? 67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? 68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? 69. Do you care what others think of you?
Part 6: Likes And Dislikes
70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? 71. What is your most treasured possession? 72. What is your favorite color? 73. What is your favorite food? 74. What, if anything, do you like to read? 75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? 76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? 77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? 78. What makes you laugh? 79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? 80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? 81. How do you deal with stress? 82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? 83. What are your pet peeves?
Part 7: Self Images And Etc.
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? 85. What is your greatest strength as a person? 86. What is your greatest weakness? 87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? 89. Are you generally organized or messy? 90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. 91. Do you like yourself? 92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) 93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? 94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? 96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. 97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? 98. What three words best describe your personality? 99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? 100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character
We were discussing creating characters in my screenwriting class, and my professor had us fill out a number of these questions that I found could be helpful for other writers and roleplayers and could even be an ask meme. Below the cut are 100 QUESTIONS for your character to answer.
"He Could Have Pie, He Just Won't Eat It Though...": On the Absence of Pie in Season 12 and the Demystification of Mary Winchester
I am prefacing this by saying that I haven’t watched the most recent episode yet, so if Dean and Co. happen to eat pie in 12x13 “Family Feud” I had no way of knowing it. :)
That said, in the end, even if Dean did enjoy a slice in this week’s episode, it really wouldn’t change a whole lot, because so far we have seen Dean very rarely eat one of his favorite types of food in S12: pie. Sure enough, the reason why we may see Dean not indulge in eating as much pie may be entirely be explained by things outside of the show - like maybe Jensen saying “man, please no more sweet stuff” ;) - still within the context of a show the absence of pie his season feels very telling. Especially so as pie for Dean definitely was a typ of comfort food and held a good deal of connotations and associations that all circled round notions of family, home, safety and love.
In the 12 seasons of Supernatural Dean’s love for pie has become just as infamous as his love for his baby. Even more so Dean’s eating habits as such have been used as an indicator for his emotional state of mind, his longings and wishes and especially over the course of the “Mark of Cain”-arc Dean’s hunger or lack thereof was drawn attention to as it revealed a lot about his emotional struggles (I have written lot on this topic, I’d insert links but as I am typing this on my phone I can’t) as well as the fight he faced within between human and demon. After all, little else is such a direct example of basic human necessities: the need to eat and drink to survive. That entire plot with Dean edging away from being human to becoming a demon was exemplified heaviest when Dean “left that cheeseburger uneaten” as Crowley reminisces before raising Dean as a demon in 9x23 “Do You Believe in Miracles”. Dean’s arc was contrasted with Castiel’s, who as a human for the very first time experienced hunger and thirst as two real necessities to be able to function.
The topic of hunger and food as indicators for humanity therefore have been very directly written into Dean’s personal story arcs from S8 onwards. Given this focus of recent seasons paired with the shows adamancy of inserting Dean’s love for pie as a recurring stylistic device over 12 seasons of the show in general, it feels very striking that Dean seems to have lost his taste or love for pie in S12 almost completely - the season in which he sees his mother returning from the dead.
As mentioned above Dean’s love for pie seems to be to a good extent directly connected to the memory and love of his mother. In fact, 5x16 “Dark Side of the Moon” even gives the audience as much of a “starting point” as to how Dean’s love for pie came to be in the first place when we see one of Dean’s memories play out in which we (as much as Sam) learn that the Winchesters’ “marriage was never perfect until after Mary died” and that Dean comforted his mother when his father had moved out for a couple of days after a bad fight (one now has to wonder if maybe that could have been due to Mary disappearing and hunting), told her that “daddy still loves her” and offered emotional support to his mother when he was a mere 4 years old. It’s that memory standing out clearest in relation to Deans love for pie as Mary not much later after she calls Dean “her little angel” offers him some pie. It’s by no means a truly happy memory imo, especially as it does kind of showcase how Mary tries to lighten the mood with the offer of pie. It’s this action really that frames and explains Dean using pie as “comfort food” in the most literal sense of the term. So of course this will sound somewhat over the top, but one could argue that every time Dean enjoyed a slice of pie in his life he remembered this moment with his mom. A moment nonetheless in which he again acted almost like an adult rather than a child (and yes, that is suppose will just always remain the tragedy of Dean Winchester: his lost childhood, that, as the show progresses, it seems was lost much earlier than when his mother died…
Keeping all of this in mind I think it is interesting to take a look at S12. The season of Mary Winchesters return. The undoing of the past. But for sure not the erasure of old wounds, scars or traumas, but rather the start to add a few new on top. Amara giving Dean “what he needed most” was his mother. She gave the Winchesters a chance to re-write their story, because maybe she wished her and her brother could do the same. What Amara wanted - and there is not a single doubt in my mind, because even though Dabb seems to have forgotten what he himself wrote at the end of last season, Amara wasn’t cruel just cause - was for Dean to be happy and find peace. Little did she know that bringing back the Winchesters’ mom would hardly bring that for him.
Now, as I have written about multiple times at the end of last season and prior the beginning of this season with Mary’s return we aren’t just loosely following the possible re-write of the Winchesters’ story (though much of this season to me feels sadly like “same old same old” and plain repeat), most of all we see the demystification of Mary Winchester - and that may actually be one of the most painful ones for the Winchesters and Dean especially as it seems countless times he is proven that his mother really is nothing like he remembered her to be. Of course there are few characters that have had such a “cult” surrounding them on the show as Mary Winchester. Her own children never really got to know her as a person as they simply were way too small for that to be the case, yet over time Mary was stylized, idealized and turned into a symbol that had very little in common with the very real Mary Winchester - as this season explores.
Not a single episode this season didn’t feature some sort of deconstruction of Mary Winchester as a person and character or a realization of who she is opposed to how she was imagined to be. It’s vital to see things for what they are, but there’s no denying it’s tough and eliminates foundations that provided at least some sense of stability - and so far we have not seen any kind of building new ground together for a stronger and more mature foundation. In the first episodes Dean learns that Mary “never cooked” or “continued hunting even when she was already married” and that many of his memories are unveiled to have been “false”. Getting to know their mother really is a constant progression of disillusionment for the Winchesters (and for Dean much more than for Sam since he doesn’t have any memories that could be rendered untrue or incomplete or downright “wrong”) and while I firmly believe that Mary does somehow care about her grown up sons, true emotion and connection doesn’t seem to be there. And one can’t really blame anyone for that because of course for Mary suddenly being alive is hard and she never learnt how to have grown up kids, because well… she never lived to have them in a natural progression.
Still, I think it is fairly well portrayed how much Mary struggles to form a meaningful connection with Sam and Dean. A relationship that could build into becoming the loving relationship that meant safety and home and everything being okay for Dean for example as seen in his memories - and one memory in particular featuring pie. Coming back to the symbolic meaning of pie again I think it’s valid to analyze the absence of it in S12 (I truly only remember Dean eating pie in 2nd episode when all was still fairly “okay” and happiness prevailing over Mary being back rather than the start reality setting in) in relation to the demystification of Mary as a symbol and mother figure. Pie may simply not provide the comfort and safety it once did for Dean, because like so much of his past and memories regarding his mother have been overturned and corrected, but not in a very healing - or worded differently - comforting way.
So in a way this season exemplifies imo rather perfectly the saying “You can’t have your pie and eat it too”, which describes you can’t have two good things at the same time, which seems awfully fitting to the whole Mary Winchester arc. And in that regard I think it is indeed very revealing how now that Mary is back “Dean could have pie”, but we don’t see him eat it…
Leonard McCoy is your big brother, not by blood, but by
choice. Your choice to be exact, he had taken you under his wing, and had
decided to keep you in his little pack. He would make sure you were taken care
of, and that you were not alone anymore.
“Len!! Hurry up! We need to get to the ship!”
The werewolf growled at you but heaved himself off the
couch, grabbing his medical bag, “I don’t want to go to the ship”
“Tough shit, Len! I already commed Jim, he’s expecting us”
“I won’t be bullied by a human, or the pup”
“It isn’t bullying. Everyone is going to be there. I want to
meet the crew! The only one I’ve met is Jim! You’re constantly bitching about
them; I want to meet this pain in the ass crew!”
“You’re just a human, Y/N. There are too many creatures on that
ship for you to be completely safe! It’s a hug risk for Starfleet to even put
you on the five-year mission!”
“Jim is just a incubus! He’s practically human!” You shout.
“He was also trained to kill both Weres and Vamps!” Len lets
out a low growl. You knew that he was nervous, you were his little sister, only
19 years old. Len also hated to fly, so that didn’t help.
You turn on the water works, knowing that your puppy of a
big brother can’t stand to see you cry, “P-please, Len?”
“Fine! We’ll go! But you had better stay by me the entire
time, I don’t want you to be alone with anyone”
“How’s that gonna work when we ship off?”
“I’ll deal with that when it comes. For now, it’s just a get
together where the senior members get to meet all of the new crew mates.”
“I know!! If I promise to stay by you, can we leave?”
“Yes, but you have to promise”
“Fine, I promise”
Meeting the mismatched crew/family is surprisingly simple.
Sulu is calm, he loves his plants and his weapons, but he won’t tell you what
exactly he is. Pavel is a feline Were, he bounces around, excited to meet and
be pet by everyone. Nyota is a Vamp, she is professional, almost cold, but also
willing to get to know you.
You stick your hand out, “Hi! I’m Y/N, I’m Len’s little
Nyota’s lip twitches, “Hello, Jim speaks very highly of you,
he said that you are a good influence on our temperamental wolf”
“I’ll show you temperamental …” Len growled, taking a step
You plant yourself in front of them, “I told you that I
wanted a nice evening, and I want to get to know everyone. Now you put him away
and play nice, you can growl and throw a fit later when we go out, but right
now I want to go inside”
You storm past Len and call out to your friends, who are
already there. Leonard quickly scrambles behind you, not wanting to let you out
of his sight. There had been no sign of Jim or Spock and Len refused to allow
you to be alone with either of them.
“Where’s the Captain, and that green-blooded hobgoblin?”
“They went out to see the Admirals, said that they needed to
speak to the two before our meeting, presumably about your girl over there”
Nyota said, sipping her wine.
“Good, I don’t want any surprises. Y/N needs to be kept safe”
Ny raises one perfectly
manicured eyebrow, “You think either one of them would hurt her?”
“She’s special, probably a
mate to some supernatural creature. Were’s might not be telepathic like Vamps,
but even I can tell that her mind is special. It’s one of the reasons I took
her into my pack, she would have been eaten alive otherwise.”
Nyota nods, “I notices that as
soon as the two of you arrived. Her mind is extremely compatible”
Len growls, “Stay away from
“I don’t want, Y/N. You don’t
have to worry about me, or anyone in this room right now. They would have made
a move is she was theirs, but be wary of the two who are not yet here. If her
mind is that compatible with a strange Vamp, I don’t even want to think about
how compatible she would be to him”
You run back over to Len, “What’s
“Nothing, pup. Just catching
up with an old friend”
“Alright, well the others said
that Jim and Spock are here, so I’m going to go meet them”
You jerk back, surprised at
the sudden outburst, “Seriously, what’s wrong? You were fine a few minutes ago,
and now you’re acting weird”
At that moment the turbolift
opened and Jim and Spock step into the Rec Room. “Captain, I do not understand
how you cannot smell that, or even feel that. Are Incubi truly that close to
“Come on, Spock! Don’t be
mean! You know my kind isn’t telepathic unless someone is dreaming! I can only
smell Bones and his little sister, Y/N”
“Perhaps Doctor McCoy knows
where the smell is coming from”
You glance at Len, “Do we
smell funny? I don’t think I smell funny”
Your eyes shoot up when Spock
lets out a low growl, “Leonard, step away from my mate”
“Your mate? I don’t even know
who you are!”
Spock sniffs the air again, “You
Rolling your eyes, you put
your hands on your hips, “Obviously. Now you two need to get in there,
introduce yourselves, and sit down. No one wanted to start eating with the
Captain and Commander here”
You walk away, hiding around
the corner. You really want to know what is going to be said about you.
“She is my mate” Spock
announces. You hear several people raise their voice at the announcement, but
you can’t really focus on them. Spock thinks that you are his mate!
“Are you aware that you think
You yelp. You hadn’t even been
paying attention and Spock had snuck up on you. “I-I … um … sorry?”
“You have nothing to be
ashamed of, ashaya. I would enjoy getting to know you better. Your mind is
extremely compatible with mine and I believe that you would be an optimal mate”
You can hear Len snarling and
shouting in the other room, “You stay away from my sister you green-blooded
hobgoblin!! I’ll tear your throat out!! Don’t touch her!”
“I-I think you make Len really
Spock’s lip twitches in a
small smile, “Worry not about the doctor, ashaya. Nyota and Jim shall calm him
down in time for dinner.” He holds out his arm for you and you place a hand at
his elbow, “Now, are you amiable to being courted by me?”
You can’t stop the blush that
appears on your cheek and Spock inhales, “I think that I would like that, Spock”
“NO, PUP, NO!!!!” Leonard
Spock chuckles quietly, “Do
you believe that Leonard will challenge me, my human?”
“I don’t think so, he’ll be
mad for a while, but he’ll get over it, as long as you treat me right”
“I will treat you like a
princess, ashaya. However, if he does challenge me, I will enjoy defeating him
in front of you”
You chuckle and shake your
head. These boys are going to be the death of you. You are the sister of a
wolf, and the mate of a vampire. How the hell is this ship going to survive