Dee: What are you drawing?
Charlie: A liger.
Dee: What’s a liger?
Charlie: It’s pretty much my favourite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.
Charlie: I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ‘cause you think you’re fat? 'Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
Dee: I’m trying to earn money for college.
Mac: [from the background] Your mom goes to college!
Charlie: Do the chickens have large talons?
Farmer: Do they have what?
Charlie: Large talons.
Farmer: I don’t understand a word you just said.
Teacher: Your current event, Charlie.
Charlie: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
The Waitress: [through gritted teeth] I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me. It’s hanging in my bedroom.
Charlie: Really? It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done.
The Waitress: Yeah… it’s really… neat.
Charlie: Why do you got your hood on like that?
Mac: Well, when I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn’t do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off. I don’t want anyone to see.
Charlie: I know what you mean.
Charlie: [drinks glass of milk] The defect in that one is bleach.
FFA Judge: That’s right.
Charlie: [drinks glass of milk] This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
FFA Judge: Correct.
Charlie: Well, nobody’s going to go out with me!
Mac: Have you asked anybody yet?
Charlie: No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills.
Mac: What do you mean?
Charlie: You know, like numchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!
Mac: Aren’t you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff
Charlie: Yes… Probably the best that I know of.
Mac: Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out and give it to her for like a gift or something.
Charlie: That’s a pretty good idea.
[holds out a photo]
Um, hello. Would you like to look like this?
Charlie: This is a girl.
Dee: Because for a limited time only, Glamour Shots by Dee are 75% off.
Charlie: I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin’ Corral.
Dee: Well, maybe you’d be interested in some home-woven handicrafts? We have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season’s fashion.
Charlie: I already made, like, infinity of those at scout camp.