Road trip au where Joly Bousset and Chetta all planned it out because they were getting sick of their friends being in love and not doing anything about it so they plan elaborate schemes to get Bahorel and Feuilly together, Courf and Ferre, and Enj and Taire. Eponine finds the entire thing hilarious, really.
shit but can you imagine how that would start?
trio are all sitting around in bed after an ABC meeting. Bossuet is
putting Chetta’s hair into braids to get ready for bed while she’s on
her phone, and Joly’s reading a novel that Combeferre lent him and
all are vary degrees of exasperated.
friends are actual idiots. Seriously the stupidest people I have
ever met,” Chetta grumbles as she comes across some vague tweet
that Grantaire had written except that it’s not vague at all and
obviously about Enjolras –
obvious, that is, to everyone except Enjolras.
really don’t know if I can stand another meeting like that one,”
Joly agrees with an affectionate moan.
have ER, who think they hate each other, or that the other hates
them… or I’m not even sure at this point. Then C-squared, who
think they can only ever be friends
and are freaked out about ruining something if the other doesn’t feel
the same. And then Bahorel and Feuilly – do we not have a couple
name for them yet? We’re dropping the ball, guys – who I’m pretty
sure think all best friends want to get into each other’s pants.”
Bossuet sighed. “I suppose we can’t just force them together, can
a moment there’s a contemplative silence.
we?” asks Musichetta after a moment.
says Joly. “Shove them in a closet or something? I’m not sure
there’s one big enough for all
of them. And it’s not the most subtle approach.”
but we do have something even worse than a closet,” says Bossuet,
with a grin. “You’re tiny little car.”
genuis of the statement takes a moment to sink in, even for Bossuet.
They have a tiny car and a lot of friends that need to get their shit
no,” says Joly.
yes,” the other two
chorus. And that is why the next day the rest of the Amis are
informed that everyone absolutely has to go on a road trip together.
just be so ridiculous after that though, they’d be straddling a very
dangerous line of “need to be subtle” and “these guys need to
be hit in the head with a hammer”. Imagine seating arrangements in
frowning: “But I want to sit next to Feuilly, we have things we
need to talk about.”
under his breath: “So do Feuilly and Bahorel.”
“Okay but why in god’s name would you want Enjolras and Grantaire
sitting crammed up next to each other for an entire day in
a car? Where no one can escape.
Are you trying to kill us?”
“What, the plan has those two next to each other? Good lord.”
“…Can I ride in the other car if that’s the plan?”
looks like we forgot to pack enough blankets, guess we’ll have to
did all three of you manage to forget blankets?”
Jehan, and Cosette both get let in on the plan once the trio realizes
they’re going to need all the help they can get for these assholes.
Marius doesn’t because they’ve all learnt what happens when you tell
Marius a secret. Still, they recruit Cosette and Marius by proxy to
just gush about how
great it is to be in love and have a significant other and how
sometimes you just know~~ <3 <3 <3
figures not needing to deal with this tepid pit of nonsense is an
aromantic perk and happily just sits on the sidelines to watch it all
unfold. One evening, when they all stop in this little town and poke
around the weird little stores they have there, Chetta finds novelty
“escape artist” handcuffs. Which her and her boys buy,
naturally, cackling the entire way to the till. Jehan actually makes
themself popcorn that evening after Chetta “accidentally” “lost”
the keys to the handcuffs, guess you guys are stuck to each other for
the next couple hours while we look, oops, my bad.
of course the six of them all end up making bets on which couple is
going to get together first and who’s going to be harder.
not sure if this would be the sort of road trip where they’d be
tenting or staying in hotels or what, but imagine sleeping
arrangements. People keep trying to foil them. All Combeferre can
think is how seeing Courf change into pajamas is basically the last
thing on earth he wants to subject himself to. Chetta thinks that
Courf changing into pajamas is absolutely something Combeferre needs
to see. And just all the hijinxes of them trying to rearrange
sleeping arrangements – oh, mind if I trade spots with you, Bossuet
kept me up all last night with his snoring I can’t do it again
tonight. Hey, can we switch spots, I was really hoping to play Mario
Kart DS with Bahorel before I went to sleep. Actually, Bahorel, you
should probably go sleep in the other tent, I forgot that Joly won a
before-bed-back massage from me when we were playing cards earlier.
everyone suddenly ending up sleeping next to the person they’re
crushing hardcore on and having no fucking idea how this happened.
the cars for lunch and a stretch by a river. Bossuet “accidentally”
tripping and knocking people in. Wow, what are the odds that would
happen three separate times—AUGH because
Bahorel would absolutely drag Bossuet’s ass in after being dumped in
the water. (While Feuilly is quietly dying because Bahorel’s shirt
has gone very see-through and holy shit his abs…)
after lunch they all get roped into a game of chicken in the deeper
section of the river and Enjolras suddenly finds himself on
Grantaire’s shoulders and is basically has his hands knotted in
Grantaire’s curls because he is 100% convinced Grantaire’s going to
drop him and realizing that, wow, he actually never wants to stop
being curled up on Grantaire’s back. It’s warm and strong and safe
feeling and – ACK
because fucking hell Enjolras pay attention or we’re going to lose,
knock Courf the fuck off, there’s no way Ferre’s strong enough to
win, go, go! (Enjolras and Grantaire do win, and there’s much
hugging and celebration, and even though Chetta and Joly technically
lost, watching those two splash around gleefully in the water
together definitely feels like a win.)
wow, scheming, plotting cuties and lots of romantic tension, mmm