I’d been sat watching him sleep for almost an hour.
The morning sun was bursting through his sheer curtains, washing over his face
as I concentrated on him, my heart in the very pit of my stomach.
I’d woken to Harry wheezing and whimpering at some point during the night, and
at one stage, whilst I was leaning over him, brushing through his hair and
trying to wake him, he’d whispered the word please.
I’d really struggled with it, hearing how human he sounded. One of the things
that helped me was how hollow and distant he seemed in that state, like it
wasn’t really him. Hearing his pleas reminded me that it was Harry going
through that trauma, and it wounded me.
A little after he said he ‘We hunt bears here!’ and “I’d like you to do whatever makes you happy, if that is clapping, if that is stomping, if that is dancing, singing, attacking this man down here, whatever you wanna do, I didn’t say anything!” x
“In order to have a good time you have to work hard in order to be successful, and being kind to people should be a given. If everyone was a little bit nicer to people, the world would be a much better place. You have a choice where you can either be all right to someone or you can be a little bit nicer, and that can make someone’s day.”
“Im so sorry” Those were the words he had mumbled pathetically with tears rolling down his cheeks when he told me he had been sleeping with other girls while on tour. He sat me down on our couch before putting his hand on my knee and telling me he needed to talk to me.
He had left me waiting for him for nine months while he partied, drank and slept around and the only thing he had to say was sorry? I sat on the floor, holding my legs to my chest before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I wasn’t going to let myself break down in front of him, not like this.
“I love you, please try to remember th-“
"Don’t, please, just stop” I whispered, desperately trying to swallow the baseball sized lump in my throat. Body betraying me completely as my eyes glossed over, big salty tears dropping from my eyes to my cheeks, then down to my chin. My entire body ached as I felt the sobs rack through me, feeling like my heart had dropped into my stomach.
I heard his footsteps come towards me before sitting down directly across from me. “Baby” He tried, lifting his forefinger and thumb under my chin before slowly lifting it in an attempt to get me to look at him.
“Talk to me about this, please”
“I c-can’t even look at you right now Harry, let alone s-speak to you”
My mind flashed back to the night before he left for tour, he was holding me to his chest at three o'clock in the morning promising that no amount of distance could tear us both apart, and that when he came home everything would be exactly the way it was, kissing away all of my insecurities until I was confident that he would come back to me the exact same way he left. My boyfriend. My Harry.
I opened my eyes and looked around the room, memories hitting like a train going full speed. I stared at the kitchen, remembering the first morning we spent in our brand new shared apartment. Nothing had been bought yet and I had giggled as he pinched my bum while spreading peanut butter onto bread, both of your pants thrown in a room we hadn’t yet decided what to use it for. Neither of us had cared that there wasn’t a toaster or fridge, or that the new apartment was borderline frozen. We had each other and that was more than enough for us both. I slowly turned to looked at the stairs and remembered the time that he had chased me up them, throwing cake batter at me and in my hair, yelling like a 5 year old excited boy before I had fallen and he instantly dropped the bowl full of batter, scooping me up in his arms and kissing my grazed knee profusely, then licking my forehead coated in cake batter. My eyes grazed across the balcony, remembering the time I had come home to find him lying naked in the sun with nothing but a pair of sunglasses on. I didn’t even want to begin to think about our shared bedroom, and how I would always yell at him for leaving his shoes and dirty underwear everywhere, while he would laugh and kiss my temple, telling me that I needed to calm down. The bed that we had shared for two years, each and every night being pathetically tangled up in eachother, and every night he would kiss me and we both said I love you to each other right before going to sleep. The energy filled late nights. The grumpy and tired early mornings. The half asleep two am talks about outer space. The sleep ins where neither of us could be bothered getting out of bed. The tracing of all of his tattoos when I had woken up before him and how he would repeatedly kiss my face when he woke up before me and was bored. I painfully squeezed my eyes shut again and shook my head, trying to shake away all of the thoughts and constant memories invading your head.
"How many girls?“ I whispered almost inaudibly, knowing that any number of girls he says is going to tear me into shreds.
"No, Y/N, please don’t make me say this, I’ve hurt you enough, I don’t want to hurt you any more.”
“You clearly don’t have any respect for me and you more than clearly don’t care for me the way I’ve cared for you for almost four years of my life. If you owe me anything you owe me honesty Harry.” I slowly looked up at him to find his head hung with his arms rested on his knees.
After hearing his reply I instantly jumped to my feet, almost sprinting to the bedroom and grabbing the first bag in sight, shoving any clothes I could get my hands on before moving to the bathroom and putting my toothbrush and toothpaste in the bag.
I angrily slammed the cupboards shut, gasping for air as it felt like my lungs were collapsing, the continuous flow of tears staining my cheeks.
How could he do this to me? I had spent countless nights crying, wishing he was lying in bed next to me and he had spent his nights sleeping with random girls who had thrown themselves at him. This wasn’t him. He was never like this.
My thoughts were cut off as I heard loud thuds bounding up the stars before he burst into the room
“I fucked up, god I fucked up and I know I did. You have more than every right to break up with me right now because I’m a fucking idiot and I’ve ruined any trust you ever had in me but please don’t break up with me, baby. I need you. I need you so fucking much.”
Avoiding his eye contact as I picked up my bag and headed for the door
“I can’t do this Harry. I’ll have someone come and get my things in my few days.”
“No. No no no no no.”
“It isn’t over, we aren’t over. Please. Take as much time as you need, do whatever you need to do but just don’t leave me good. I can’t live without you.”
He begged, his voice cracking at the end, new tears replacing the old ones as he wiped at his cheeks.
“Bye Harry” you choked, before you slowly opened the door and walked out, unsure if this was the last time I would ever see or hear from him again.
If you want a part 2 let me know :)
please send me requests I’m trying to procrastinate my uni work but I have noTHING TO DO. Will take anything about anyone.