do not go in my made by me tag it is depressing

Hiatus from now until the first week of February! 

I’m always oversharing on here, so I’m just going to out right say that I’m going to rehab! For so long I never saw a way out of my situation, because I had nowhere to go since everyone I know drinks a lot. There wasn’t anyone I could stay with that didn’t have alcohol in their house. I would drink so much that I was physically incapable of doing anything. It made me depressed and suicidal. My aunt is literally saving my life by letting me stay with her in a different state. 

I want to thank everyone that has been supportive and put up with me. It really means the world to me. I was going to tag people I want to thank, but you all know who you are and I am truly so grateful for your well wishes and the ones who talked to me when I was at extreme lows.

I’m leaving next week, but I’m starting my hiatus on here today. I have to prepare to move~ I set up a queue *^* 

I’ll be back in about a month! I won’t have access to any type of electronic… so that’s a month without updates, *whispers* tag me in things <3 lol 

I’ll miss you all! See you later!

anonymous asked:

Hi! I know you're a big fan of Deacon and I love him as well (and miss him a lot since the amount of original content is not as large as at was), so I'd love to hear your thoughts about him? What do you think about all the theories on his backstory? If you don't want to post it, I can write you off anon<3

Thanks for the ask!! I’m flattered you wanna know my thoughts on Deacon!! Honestly, the first thing that came to mind when I think of Deacon is that he is my comfort character. Mostly cause I was really sad a moment ago but the thought of Deacon after seeing this ask kinda cheered me up lmao. One time, one of my friends wrote me a comfort fic where Deacon was helping me go through some tough times and it made me feel so much better during a period of time when I was super depressed. So ever since, whenever I feel really down, I like to imagine that Deacon is there beside me giving me some words of encouragement. aaanywayyyy I’m sure that not really what you wanted to hear when you asked this question haha

About Deacon’s backstory, I definitely believe that he telling the truth in the last affinity talk. Though, I am always open to all the speculations and theories about him being from pre-war/survivor from some vault. I don’t really have one specific theory I consider The Official Headcanon for me. I honestly like how mysterious his backstory and his character in general is. The one headcanon that I have about Deacon is that he is ace/aro. Maybe what makes Deacon a wonderful character is that any information about him is so vague and may or may not be a lie so anyone can have their own theories and headcanons about him.

A Five Things

tagged by the lovely @smilefortheliving, thanks pumpkin :)

Five things you’ll find in my bag:

  1. wallet
  2. my kindle or a book, depending what I’m reading atm
  3. keys
  4. phone+headphones
  5. handkerchiefs

Five things in my bedroom:

  1. books (lol)
  2. pillows
  3. lip balm
  4. flowers
  5. my collection of handbags

Five things I’ve wanted to do in life:

  1. visit Norway and NYC
  2. becoming a successful author
  3. go to more concerts
  4. be independent
  5. learn Spanish

Five things that made me happy:

  1. my family, duh!
  2. watching tv shows (not that I am addicted or so)
  3. playing in Photoshop
  4. reading and writing
  5. baking

Five things I’m currently into:

  1. Shadowhunters (it’s an obsession already lbr)
  2. reading Malec fanfiction *cough*
  3. making gifs
  4. Ben & Jerry’s ice cream
  5. listening to depressing and sad music x x

Five things on my to-do list:

  1. write more and faster!!!
  2. read more books since my shelves are begging me to do it
  3. catching up with my tv shows/movies
  4. fixing my sleeping schedule (which will never happen, it’s the ugly truth lol)
  5. be more social, I guess?

Five things people may not know about me:

  1. I never wanted to get a kindle. And now it is my best friend. *pets it*
  2. I am wetting my lips whenever I read that somebody does it in a book/fic.
  3. I am often clumsy. Don’t ask. lol
  4. My memory is veeery good. Once I retain something I most likely never forget it.
  5. I don’t like audiobooks. I always fall asleep listening to them.

Five people I’m tagging: @jaceslewis, @softshumjr, @glitternsass, @jacelghtwood, @latinalightwood and anybody else who wants to do this. Tag me if you do. :)

anonymous asked:

can you not stop talking and draw like this blog is here for

yeah here let me draw something that looks terrible because i forced myself to draw it.

i AM drawing, but it’s not being posted here, it’s being posted here because it’s not fnaf related and i want to draw it. if you’re so tired of seeing me talk you can go ahead and follow my art only blog, that’s what i made it for. or alternatively you can get xkit or washboard (depending on what you use for tumblr) and blacklist the tag “useless words.” i tag everything so it’s not that hard to blacklist it/ignore it altogether.

and last but not least, it’s very rude telling someone else (who isn’t you) what to do with their blog. also! i have depression, so that makes it extremely hard to want to draw or do anything at all.

tl;dr: don’t be fucking rude and send someone shit like this.

Happy new year! List 10 good things that happened in 2016, then tag 10 people to do the same.

@glassesgirl0401 tagged me (u little nerd, bless)

  1. I met @zeitsglass at triad anime con
  2. I started dating @zeitsglass , that lovely loser <3
  3. I got to go to my first Animazement and participated in a Haikyuu!! cosplay scavenger hunt, hosted by @mixberkaan
  4. I got to meet and befriend some cool people at conventions!
  5. I wrote almost 400 thousand words!!!! It really helped me improve :>
  6. I took a create writing class, which helped me a lot in terms of critiquing and such
  7. I got to be on my first character panel at a con (and will soon be on more!)
  8. Haikyuu season 3
  9. I got to write Threadbare and meet @seijouho
  10. I made it through another year that I didn’t think I would. I beat depression and anxiety again, even if just for a while. I came out to my parents, even if the results kind of sucked. I made it through my first semester of university with a 3.81 GPA and several new friendships. I may not be 100%, but I’m fucking getting there

Now @zeitsglass, @conniestop, @liseless, @seijouho, @hloneheart, @monidon, @seraphichan, @mixberkaan, @muse0ica, and @goldkey-greeneyes can do this (sorry if you’ve already done it, oops)

I was tagged by @tyretracks-andbrokenhearts thank you dear!

Five things you’ll find in my bag: My car keys, my wallet, plastic bags (thanks UK tax rates for that one) mints and chewing gum if I have any

Five things in my bedroom: DVDs and video games, my PC, my TV and PS3, my inflatable BB-8 remote control toy, lots of drawing equipment that’ll never get used

Five things I’ve always wanted to do in life: Go to an F1 race live, go to a Tottenham v Arsenal game at White Hart Lane, drive a supercar, spend a stupid amount of money on a suit,

Five things that make me happy: The friends I’ve made on Tumblr, playing video games, watching football, watching F1, making other people happy and helping people with problems

Five things I’m currently into: Dragon Age, Suits USA, Football, WWE, Motorsport. My usual interests, really.

Five things on my to-do list: Put clothes away, clean away the rubbish in my room, organise my work for the week, umm… thats about it! Oh and make my bed.

Five things people may not know about me: I played lacrosse until the age of 12, and was one of the best in my school. I played football until i was 18/19 years old but haven’t played since then unfortunately. I met James May on a ferry back from France to England but was too scared to ask for an autograph so I had to get my mum to ask him. I’m scared of dogs in general but our family have had two dogs in a row. I’m scared of heights, which is a fear I discovered while half-way up a mountain.

Right, I’ll tag the usual gang @rararaenbow @lanox @lady-sharky @whatdreamsf0rgetwhiskeyremembers @mussolinguini @sebtacularvettel @arthur-pic @verseny @formula1trash @teethbullracing as always ignore if you don’t wanna do it or you’ve already done it!

anonymous asked:

hi, Ais! I wanted to thank you for being such a lovely human being and always taking the time to chat with your ICoS fans =) Whenever I visit your blog I feel less depressed and filled with positive vibes afterwards.

Aww thank you! I’m happy if I can ever help you feel a little better in any way :) The world has enough negative in it naturally; I see no reason to add to it. But also I’m sorry if I ever do repost or post anything that doesn’t leave you with as many positive vibes as you would have hoped or needed.

Speaking of, I just remembered this and maybe it will help on some days? I made this page on my site:

It’s supposed to be a place where you can go and just kind of decompress, relax, try to find something positive or beautiful to reset your emotions for that moment. The first video I have on there is one of my favorite videos showing how beautiful the world is, not only in natural settings but also the beauty of human environments as well. I have other videos on that page, inspirational quotes I have on my wall, I link another page of my favorite charities, show the progress of previous charity campaigns for building sustainable clean water projects by donating past birthdays of mine, and so on. You could also donate your birthday to that charity or other charities if you’d like :)

Anyway please feel free to browse my do good page if it ever helps you or seems of interest. I hope you have a lovely day!

Also thank you to you or anyone who has read ICoS :) I know it can be quite a commitment with the length and intensity of it, so I appreciate the time you put into it, and the dedication to finish it. Don’t ever forget how wonderful you are :)

PS: if anyone has any suggestions for things they think I should add to that page let me know and I can check it out, see if it fits for the page, and if not if nothing else I got to see something beautiful or calming so it’s a win-win :)

I’ve been tagged in a few of those “10 Best Moments of 2016″ things and I’ve been neglecting to do them because honestly, 2016 has been the hardest year I’ve had to endure.

2016 is the year I spiraled down into a depression I cannot see the end of. 2016 is the year I’ve wrestled endlessly with thoughts of suicide. 2016 is the year my grandfather died–the year I couldn’t get the reek of his death and rot out of my nose and mouth. 2016 is the year I found out my brain tumor had grown instead of shrunk after two years of treatment. The year I realized that “I’d rather go out with a whisper instead of a bang” was the stupidest decision I’d ever made.


2016 was the year I bought a house. It was the year I met Bob Morley, who showed incredible kindness. 2016 was the year I cut my foot in Pacific Ocean while laughing with my best friend and the year I ate the Best Croissant You’ll Ever Have. 2016 was the year of blanket forts, and drunken laughter, and music turned up too loud. It was the year of making poor decisions that I can laugh about when I’m old. If I get old.

2016 will always be tinged with sadness for me. But once a friend sent me a gift wrapped Miyazaki movie just because, and once my stepfather took the lemons out of my water without me telling him because he knew I didn’t like them, and once I got drunk with a beautiful girl and watched Star Wars. 2016 was little moments, awkwardly spaced, but enough. Enough.

So now, I’m going to drive 100 miles to get turnt with my friends and tonight, when the countdown hits zero, I’ll wave goodbye to 2016 with a middle finger and see what poor decisions I can make in 2017 that I can laugh about when I’m old.

Autism Awareness Month is April, and that time sort of sucks for a lot of autistic people because Autism $peaks is terrible. So instead, I’ve decided to celebrate autism, and what better way to do that than with headcanons? Every day of this month – assuming I have the time – I’m going to draw one autistic headcanon!

Yesterday, my depression made it too hard for me to post anything, so today’s a double feature instead.

Day 11: Artemis Fowl

Artemis shows many signs of being autistic. He doesn’t understand the feelings of others, for one. He describes guilt as alien to him, because he struggles with empathy. He also infodumps a lot - about fairies, about art, about crime… Artemis has a large number of special interests and he knows a hell of a lot about every single one.

Artemis also has a very unusual manner of speaking, which isn’t just because he’s seemingly “precocious”. Finally, his default facial expression is a scowl. Or maybe he’s just bad at expressing emotion.

@a-hint-of-blue tagged me to do this and im pumped!!
Rules: answer & tag 10 people you want to know better

Birthday? July 1st

Gender? Gal
Relationship status? Single *wink emoji but stripped of sexual implication*

Zodiac sign? Cancer

Any siblings? my lil bro @that-aesthetic-gay-blog who i lovove,,,,,

Wake up time? Ok i get up at 5:30ish for school but weekends/breaks anywhere from 9 to 11 (and when im depressed, like 1, but thats rare)

Lemonade or tea? Tea plz years of my brother eating lemons like oranges made me never want lemon anything again

Day or night? Night i think? its pretty and usually when i hang w my friends either on livestreams or the best part of visiting each other (giggly tired time)

Coke or pepsi? :P i dont like soda and could never tell the difference

Call or text? text,, i can use emoticons and internet grammar to express,,, that im shy but i wanna talk to u anyway hng,,,

Met any celebrities? i almost saw Smash Mouth live but then i went to my friend’s house instead i think. concerts are loud

Smile or eyes? the way your eyes look when u smile… like eyes by themselves are pretty but just the way they light up when someone laughs just,,,, <3

Country or city? probably city? i dont like huge crowds but id prefer that over like. a farm. plus i wanna live in san francisco so ?

Last song I listened to? Same Love by Macklemore (is that how u spell it)

I dont know 10 people i dont think but here goes! @tracerisacer@sludgebird , @agendercalliope , @dirkstriderofficial (how could i not), @furrybaitfox , @alohamoraz , @toasterstrudelofficial , thats,,, all i got babes,,,,,,, if i didnt tag u and u wanna do this just say i did haha

~Please help if you can~

Ahhhh so I can’t stand having to ask for monetary help, but this is what my life has come to.

My name is Mickey, I am a 22 year old queer depressed transboy, and up until recently I’ve been doing okay for myself without much help but my life has taken a turn this last month and now I am spiraling.

I was let go from my job literally the day before my birthday (yay.) and since then I have been applying like crazy to every job I can even ones I’d despise.

I’ve filed for unemployment, and even though I know I qualify they keep pushing back my phone interview so even though I’ve been out of work a month now I have made no money since then.

I had to take out a loan to pay my rent, and now I don’t know how I’m going to pay it back because I thought that by now I’d be at least getting unemployment checks.

I owe $300 for that loan that helped me pay October’s rent and I need to pay the full amount by November 16th, I need to figure out where I’m going to get the $400 for this month’s rent plus the money for my phone, water, internet, car insurance and electricity which my roommates have been kind enough to spot me for October but can’t afford to do so again for November.

I also will be needing money for my Zoloft and Testosterone, but honestly the way things are going once my supplies run out I may be going unmedicated for a while simply because a roof over my head is more important right now.

My paypal email is

Absolutely anything right now would be appreciated!! If you want, you can give me your address after you donate and I’ll make you a flower crown or a quill a personalized thank you card or write a hand written thank you letter, whatever you want!!

If you can’t donate, pleasepleaseplease signal boost! I’m in a really bad place financially and don’t know what I’m going to do about it.

Thank you so much, and if you could reblog this to get the word out I will love you forever!!!!

lmao for anons who are complaining about me being negative they sure are being negative prick wads.

like, if you really don’t wanna deal with negativity, you could always just… not read my stuff. not go on my blog. because i am an anxious mess with depression and that stuff IS gonna come up every so often. it is not my job to make people happy at all times. when i am in a good mood, i will post things that are happy. and if stuff i make makes others happy then that’s good! but it isn’t something i’m required to do.

i have personal tags for a reason so u don’t gotta deal with that stuff if you don’t want to, if it really impacts you that much i’ve made it simple for folks to block it for their own health.

As a reminder, my personal and talk tags are:

#tratser talks about stuff

#tratser replies to stuff

#depression sucks and so do i

I also try to take care in tagging mentions of abuse for blocking purposes, since I know that is definitely a topic many don’t want to see often.

Obligatory 1000 Followers Post

There’s something else I was going to do for this arbitrary milestone, but I haven’t got the stuff yet so it’s a seeeeecret. Ooooo.

To be honest, I’m just surprised you all put up with me. Thank you :)

So. Here are some cool people I follow that I think you should follow, too.
In no particular order:






























































































I am 100000% sure I’ve missed people so if you think I have, let me know.

Also, this is the first time I’ve done one of these. It’s in no particular order, and fuck your alphabetising standards.

Love you all :) xo