do not get me started on her okay

anonymous asked:

Hi Jandy. I don't know if your aware, but bride of hobo has been really aggressively attacked by a certain blogger for kind of no reason. I like your blog but I remember in the past you said you didnt have a problem with this blogger. But your someone trying to promote fandom happiness and different opinions.. how can you do both? I hope this doesnt sound rude or offensive and im not trying to start anything, I just feel like we have to start standing up to the people making the fandom hard

I am actually aware, thanks. @bride-of-hobo is a friend. She’s smart and talented and I appreciate her place in our fandom - and I like her as a person. I don’t understand why her words and posts have been chosen to be attacked and I DO NOT think it’s okay. In fact, several of her words this afternoon really resonated with me - but I’ll get to that at the end of this post - and then literally this will be THE LAST time I talk about this on my blog.

Keep reading

#do you know what this does tho??#it makes what dreamer did acceptable#not just the whole memory thing#but the aftermath of it#the not telling her#the excuses#the snarky comment she made behind her back#if they do develop a friendship from now#it wouldn’t be genuine#and it would literally be the writers shitting on clarice’s character#and they done did that just now#by making HER apologise ( bitch for what?? )#AND going against the v thing she was anti#they made it okay by making a victim of dreamers actions utilise her powers#i am so disgusted#the most ooc bullshit ive ever seen in my life#and don’t let me get started on how this potentially developing relationship between clarice and dreamer#is gonna make things even more complicated between thunderblink via @bisexualblink

!!!! this is exactly what i couldn’t articulate. LIKE FOR WHAT. y’all had Clarice tell her that her abilities are wrong.. had her sticking to her guns about it and Sonia’s treatment of her.. only to turn around and ask her to use them.. LIKE, WTF. 

if they wanted to have Clarice put aside her feelings and ask Sonia for the sake of the little girl, it could’ve at least be done WITHOUT the apology. she didn’t do shit to Miss Pink Smoke. and don’t even get me started on this tragic love triangle. i’m already tired. should’ve known better than to trust a woc in these writer’s hands. 

Story 215: Cultural Exchange

The human steps onto the station from her shuttle, and walks into the scanner.  It flashes - no weapons.  I pity her, though there’s nothing I can do for her.  By tomorrow she will be a slave the same as me; the Gaunvans collect ambassadors like trophies.
“Hello there!  Amanda Thorn, ambassador for the Empire of Humanity.  You’re a Ixian, correct?”
Mimicking human body language, I nod my head.  "That’s correct.  Ix Malasan.  It is an honor to meet you.“
She smiles, reminding me again that she has somehow modified herself to breathe atmosphere suited to the Gaunvans rather than wear a respirator like myself.  Other than that she appears to be a standard human, something I am led to believe is less and less common as they pursue the bizarre compulsion humans have to alter their bodies.  Changing hair color, adding pigments to their skins in patterns and pictures, growing long tails or ears that mimic other species from their planet.  No other known species tampers with their bodies like this.
“Not to be undiplomatic, she says, "but the Gaunvans enslaved your people.  Why are you here?”
“We… reached a mutually beneficial agreement.  We would have lost in combat and been eliminated, so we chose to preserve what we could of our culture.  The Gaunvans are not naturally skilled at diplomacy, so they bring me along to assist and to show that peace can be made.”
She nods.  "Understood.  I can respect that choice.  How much freedom do you have, personally?“
Smart of her, to start planning for her future. "A fair amount.  I have free reign on the ship when we are in transit.  At the homeworld I have reasonably comfortable quarters.”
“Have you ever met the Empress, or…?”
“Oh, no.  No, while on the homeworld I am confined to my chambers - but they’re quite spacious.”
“Shame.  Okay, plan ‘A’ then.  Let’s get this over with.”

Despite my attempt at encouraging diplomacy, the Gaunvan commander starts with threats.  I don’t know why I bother.  He looms over the human, chitinous plates almost black in the dim light.  His pod of six is posted around the room, for show more than for actual security since she followed orders and came alone and unarmed.  "Failure to surrender will bring the full wrath of our army upon you.  Humanity will be crushed, and wiped from the universe.“
To her credit, she looks very calm.  "We live in a post-scarcity society.  Bloody conquest just seems silly, doesn’t it?”
“It is for the glory of Gaun!”
“Well, I’m not prepared to get into a religious debate with you,” she says, “since I doubt there’s anything I can do to change your mind.  Since you’re committed to this course of action, what are you willing to offer if we surrender?”
Now he goes back on script.  Maybe I am getting through to him a little?  He talks about the benefits of being enslaved, mainly the protections for up to twelve designated culturally historical sites.  They’ve been mostly good on their word on my homeworld, though they did use the area just outside of the Hahhn Memorial as a waste dump.

She nods as she listens.  There was a part of me that was worried she would argue, because the humans are somewhat childlike.  They don’t understand the horrors of war.  Certainly they fought in the past, but the last time they had to battle was more than two of their generations ago, so these ones have all grown up coddled and soft.  They play games with each other instead, silly competitions.  They make art, and play pretend, and alter their bodies for fun.  They don’t have weapons anymore, and wouldn’t know how to use them if they did.
“Well then,” ambassador Thorn says, “this is about what I expected.  On behalf of humanity, I would like to formally reject this offer.”
Oh no.  Foolish humans.  The galaxy will miss your innocence.  The commander makes an excited clicking noise, looking forward to combat.  He reaches a blade-tipped hand towards ambassador Thorn, but hesitates as every device in the room bleats out an alert - we’ve all lost communications with the outside.

Like one of the dances humans do, she gracefully pivots around while taking his hand.  She ends up close to him and places her other arm against his thorax, then… oh gods. Gods, what… she’s ripped his arm off.  It’s not possible.  The commander is clearly thinking the same thing, staring in mute shock at his dripping limb.
“I’d like to extend a counter-offer,” she says, and flips the arm around before jamming the bladed end into his neck.  The warriors around the room are fidgeting, uncertain.  They haven’t been told to attack, and don’t want to dishonor their commander by intervening in a fight with such a small creature.  She’s still holding the commander’s severed arm in his neck, but she rotates and heaves, lifting him off the ground with it for a moment… and then his head pops off, landing squarely on the conference table.  She allows the corpse to slide to the ground, and straightens her clothes as if they aren’t covered in ichor.

I don’t understand.

The warriors, now with no orders at all, finally act.  She smiles as they come for her, I suppose because she has done her duty to send this powerful message of resistance.  She can die in peace.  Or… no… She’s killing them.  She’s smiling because this is fun for her.  Though they’re partly killing themselves; if there had been two of them, prepared, strategic, they might have prevailed.  Watching six panicked fighters get in each other’s way while trying to stop a smaller, faster, and somehow impossibly stronger foe is almost hypnotic.  At least one is killed by the stab of a friendly lance due to pure confusion.  It’s over faster than I would have thought possible, severed limbs strewn across the room.  I’ve got some fluids splashed across my clothing.  Only one yet lives, and he is retreating.  She seems to be allowing it.

She follows behind, holding a lance.  The wounded and scared warrior scurries down the hallway towards his ship, looking back behind him as he goes.  She’s just… walking.  Calm.  And for some reason I’m following.  The last Gaunvan reaches the airlock and the second he enters his code she throws the lance - throws it! - and spears him.
“Come on, we’re stealing their ship.”  She says it like this is the most normal thing in the world.
“There are thousands more on board!  Thousands!  Almost all warrior caste!”
She smiles again, and keeps walking.  I see errors on the screens that we pass, messages indicating communications have been lost.  They can’t tell anyone what is happening here.  Even the communicators within the ship are on nodes rather than being wired, so the warriors at one end of the vessel won’t be able to coordinate with the other end.  Do they even know they’ve been boarded?
“How?”

We enter the bridge after she kills a handful of other guards with ease.  They’re too shocked by her presence to act in time.  Once the door are sealed and she is working on the control systems she starts talking to me again.
“Well, you know, we do like to be prepared.”
“But you… you ripped his arm off.”
“Yeah, that was super satisfying.”  She looks at me appraisingly.  "Oh, come on.  Is it really that surprising?  You knew we were into changing ourselves, right?  Being strong enough to pop an overgrown bug’s forelimb off isn’t rocket science.“
"Your people are so peaceful…”
“Oh, sure, most of them.  But we did that, too.  Tweaked ourselves over the years to decrease aggression and some of our tribalistic tendencies, increase empathy… all stuff that can be undone if needed.  Though for a good cause even the nicest of us can squish a bug or two.”
“You bond with Ry'ling devourers!”
“Those are the big fuzzy guys that look like cats, yeah?  Those guys are adorable!  But… look, liking some things that could kill us doesn’t mean we’ll sit back and get enslaved.  We didn’t put up with it well when we enslaved each other, and we certainly aren’t going to go for it now that we’re… finally… on the same page about slavery being unacceptable.  It was, uh, a longer time than we like to admit before the last hold-outs were convinced of that one.”

I can feel the ship un-dock.  We’re moving.  "What about all the warriors on board?  They’ll break through the doors eventually!“
"Not according to this control panel here.  Take a look.”
It says there’s no atmosphere in the rest of the ship.  Life signs are negative on all but two of the warriors, presumably the only ones that got to their suits in time.  She disabled all the safety measures, somehow.  She just killed… I check the life signs readout again to confirm the number… three thousand, six hundred, and fourteen soldiers.  Wait, how is it tracking that unless… “Are communications back up?”
“Yeah, I’m calling some friends.  The military is right around the corner, so to speak.”
“But Earth doesn’t have a standing military.”
She laughs.  Not just a little bit.  She’s actually doubled over for a moment, unable to catch her breath.  "Sweet Jeebus, you guys actually fell for that?  No standing military.  Have you read about us at all?“

Three ships appear seemingly out of nowhere, and one docks with the Gaunvan vessel.  Once the atmosphere is restored we head to the airlock to meet them, and I’m surprised by an entire platoon of Gaunvan warriors.  Speaking English.
"Okay boys, send your last goodbyes!  This is in all likelihood a one way mission.  Commander Thorn!  It is an honor to see you again, and might I say you look exquisite drenched in the blood of your enemies!”
She bows to him, blushing, and then salutes the Gaunvans.  Or… humans?  Can they change themselves this drastically?
“You’ve got two holed up in here somewhere.  Bridge is clear, have the techs bring the new brain on board.”
“New brain?”
She looks at me like she’s forgotten that I’m here, and then turns back to the others.  "Men, this is our new friend Ix Malasan who has just been liberated from his captivity.  He’s going to be helping with our intel.  Malasan, yeah, a new brain for the ship.  Once this vessel is cleaned up and back in service with a new crew we’ll be able to take it over whenever we want even if all of our boys get killed.  We cooked up a really sadistic AI for it.“
"But how do you know the protocols?  This was your first contact with the Gaunvans, they’ve never lost a ship anywhere near here!”
“No?  There wasn’t a mining colony disaster two years ago?”
“But that was just an accident… and you weren’t even involved in the war yet… and…”

The faux-Gaunvans have finished boarding.  The one that was talking to them before puts a bladed claw on ambassador - commander - Thorn’s shoulder.  "You coming with?“
"Naw.  Orders said I could only come if they allow ambassadors near extremely high value targets.  Malasan here says they don’t, so I need to wait for my next mission back on Earth.”
“It would have been nice having you with us, Thorn.  Well, maybe we’ll see each other again.  Suicide mission or not, I think I’ve decided to live through it.”
“Bold choice,” she says, and kisses him next to his lower mandibles.
He nods at me, then turns back to his men. “Okay everyone, we are now officially on the job.  And what is that job?”
In unison, they start chanting.

“FUCK! SHIT! UP!  FUCK! SHIT! UP!  FUCK! SHIT! UP!”

For a moment I nearly feel pity for the Gaunvans.  Nearly.  Commander Thorn leads me off of the ship, and I start thinking about what useful information I can provide the ‘harmless’ humans.  Fuck shit up, indeed.

take a look 👀👀👀 at this! that ➡️right ➡️ there is the mail. ✉️✉️ can we talk about the mail ✉️✉️ please, mac 💻? i’ve been dying 🤒🤢 to talk about the mail ✉️✉️ with you all day, okay 👌🏽? pepe 🐸🐸 silvia. this name keeps coming ⬆️up ⬆️ over and over again. every day, pepe’s mail ✉️ is getting sent 📪 back to me. pepe 🐸🐸silvia. pepe 🐸🐸 silvia. i look 👀 in the mail ✉️, well THIS WHOLE BOX 📦 IS PEPE 🐸 SILVIA!! so i say to myself, i gotta 🔎find 🔎 this guy. i gotta go ⬆️up⬆️ to his office 🏢. i gotta put his mail ✉️ in the guy’s goddamn ✋🏽hands ✋🏽otherwise he’s never gonna get it. he’s gonna keep coming ⬇️down⬇️ here. so i go ⬆️up⬆️ to pepe’s office 🏢 and what do i 🔎find🔎 out, mac 🍔? what do i 🔎find🔎 out? there is no 🐸pepe🐸 silvia. THE 👨🏻MAN 👨🏻DOES NOT ❌❌ EXIST. okay, so i decided ohhh 💩shit💩buddy. i gotta ⚒dig⚒ a little deeper📉. there’s no 🐸pepe 🐸silvia? you gotta be 😂kidding 😂 me. i got boxes📦📦 full of 🐸pepe🐸. alright, so i start 🏃🏽marching 🏃🏽my way ⬇️down ⬇️to carol💁🏽 in HR. and i ✊🏻knock✊🏻 on her door🚪 and i say “💁🏽💁🏽CAAAROL💁🏽. 💁🏽💁🏽CAAAAAAAROL. 💁🏽💁🏽 i gotta talk to you about 🐸pepe🐸.” and when i open the 🚪door, 🚪what do i find? 🤔🤔🤔there’s ❌not ❌a single goddamn 🗄desk 🗄in that office🏢! THERE. IS. ❌NO. ❌CAROL 💁🏽IN💁🏽 HR. 🍔mac💻, half the employees in this 🏢building 🏢 have been made up. this office is a goddamn 👻ghost👻 town.

;settle down (m)

pairing— min yoongi x reader, roommate! yoongi
genre/warnings— smut, angst, fluff, slow buuurrrn, enemies to lovers
words— 14,930

:: summary— An unfortunate event finds you living with the man you practically despise over the summer. However, maybe through a series of fortunate events, you find yourself falling for him…

note— this is a remastered version of the originally story I wrote called ‘and july’ (found here) that I wrote for suho back when I started this blog, albeit slightly (very?) different.

Keep reading

2

I got a call from Ali Adler and Andrew Kreisberg, and they were saying, “Hey, we’d really love for you to come in and sit down so we can talk creative with you.” I was like, “Oh, okay, I didn’t realize we were going to do that, that’s great!” I was sitting in their office, and all of a sudden, they’re like, “So, we want to just tell you what we’re thinking, what we’re going to do, and wanted to get your take on it.” They had this funny little smile on their face, I’m like, “What’s going on?” They’re like, “Well, so this season, Alex is gay.” I was like, “Oh, what?” They just went into the whole story, explaining the why behind the what, and that it’s not like this thing that all of a sudden is just spilling out, it’s a discovery for her. That’s how we wanted to approach it. You have so many stories — shows and movies — where people are already established as gay, lesbian, bi[sexual]; these are people who are coming in like that. This was a great opportunity to show somebody who’s figuring it out, the light bulb moment and putting the puzzle pieces together.

When they were explaining it to me, I was like, “Wow, I wouldn’t have thought it,” because last season you just didn’t really see any of that side of Alex. When they originally said, “Hey, we’re thinking about a love interest,” but they didn’t say what the whole thing was, I was almost like, “Oh, I don’t know if we should do that yet,” because I don’t want it to become about Alex in a relationship, where we don’t get to see enough about her discovering more about who she is because so much of it was hidden last season. Then when they started to explain the whole idea, at first I was kind of taken back a little bit, not in a negative way, but just going, “Oh, okay.” Then the weight of it hit me, thinking, “Oooh, okay, we need to really, really do justice to this in a really beautiful way.” It was right around the time of the Orlando shooting, and I just all of a sudden was hit with this weight, because I knew that then I was going to be a face for the LGBT community, and I was like, “I gotta get this right. I don’t want to go out there and say one thing and then do something else. I just want to make sure that this is very respectful and tasteful and being done with sensitivity.

read more on EW.

In an alternate reality…

So … has this been done before??

female!Lotor is my life now XD And I’m totally shipping her with Allura. Okay and I’m shipping Allurance eversince s4. But Luro is life, too… And please don’t get me started on Lidge (or Pance)… God. I got way too many ships sailing out there.

(Also) bonus:

…. What am I doing with my life….

Our party found a sidequest to kill a banshee in a church. Our necromancer gave us all earplugs before we went in.

DM: you don’t see anything except a rundown church as you enter.
Me (Bard): is there an organ inside?
DM: yes there is.
Me: I’m gonna play it.
DM: before you even get close to it, you hear-
All: we don’t hear
DM: you SEE the keys of the organ moving in a -what the bard can tell- is a beautiful but haunting melody. You do not see anything else though.
Me: I join in to duet with the banshee.
DM: (laughing) okay roll performance.
Me: crit 20.

The DM is laughing really hard by this point.

DM: okay so the banshee stops playing and starts up again, but as you are playing, roll wisdom…
Me: crit 1…
DM: (laughing even harder but a lottle evilly) okay… so.. as you’re playingyou feel an icy grasp on your neck and your earplugs suddenly come out… roll constitution…
Me: 23
DM: take 9 damage, everyone roll initiative

I get highest initiative, so I go first.

Me: I cast mending on my earplugs, and I play a jazzy shanty using my middle fingers and flip her off
DM: she really hates you…

Don’t Freak

Originally posted by kings-of-my-heart

Steve Harrington x Reader

Requests are OPEN

PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V

PART I


“You’re really trying to tell me that Low is David Bowie’s best album to date?” Jonathan nodded, opening the brown paper bag that held his lunch.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” Y/N’s eyes widened, then shoved her lunch tray to the side. She leaned on her elbows, her hands in front of her.

“I could name five other Bowie albums, easily, that blow Low out of the water,” Jonathan took a bite of his sandwich, then motioned to Y/N.

“Go on then,”

Station to Station,” Y/N’s right index finger began to point to the fingers on her left hand to count. “Aladdin Sane, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars -obviously-, Diamond Dogs, and my number one favorite Bowie album of all time,” Jonathan mimed exactly what Y/N was saying with her, “Hunky Dory.” Y/N took a deep breath as she finished, then shoved a french fry in her mouth. “It’s like I don’t even know you sometimes,” She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders jokingly, “But, I mean, Low is still a great album,” That made Jonathan chuckle. A body suddenly appeared on the bench next to Y/N, scaring the life out of her. She had one hand on her mouth and the other over her heart to stop herself from screaming. Y/N turned her head and saw Steve Harrington with a dumb grin on his face.

“Tonight?” He looked at Y/N expectantly.

“What?” Her pupils were still wide from the shock, and the word sounded pretty dumb coming from her.

Keep reading

  • Betty: Veronica kissed me.
  • Jughead: Oh, my God.
  • Kevin: Okay, we want to hear everything. Archie, get the wine. Betty, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
  • Betty: Oh, it ended very well.
  • Archie: *getting the wine* Don't start without me. Don't start without me.
  • Kevin: Alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like an “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?
  • Betty: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then we just sort of sunk into it.
  • Kevin: Were you holding her? Or were her hands on you?
  • Betty: Actually, first they started on my waist. And then they slowly slid up to my shoulders.
  • Archie, Jughead, and Kevin: Ohhhhh!
  • [in the next room]
  • Veronica: And, uh, and then I kissed her.
  • Reggie: Tongue?
  • Veronica: Yeah.
  • Reggie: Cool.
The Preacher’s Daughter // A Mitch Rapp Smut

Author: @minhosmeanhoe

Series Masterlist

A/N: This is mine and @stilinski-jpeg ‘s first series together and I’m so fucking excited for y’all to see what we have planned. Love you Nia and thank you for being my best friend. 

Relationship: Mitch Rapp x Reader / Mitch Rapp x OFC

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Fingering, Oral (Male on Female), Sinning, Underage Drinking, and Swearing.

Word Count: 6,176

Song: Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked, my nervous voice ringing with the sound of my heels clicking against the pavement.

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The Point

Originally posted by cxhragrove

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Request: Billy angst

AN: Hi. Hello. I’m just going to leave this here and bury myself in my backyard. 

PART II


“You have third period free, right?” The boy that Y/N was partnered up with in chemistry, Chris, was standing next to her locker. He nodded. “I’ll meet you at the library tomorrow, then? See how much we can get done. God, I just hate how Mrs. Lewis just piles these things on us as if we have nothing else to do,” Y/N switched the books she had in her hands for the ones needed for homework that night.

A ruckus down the hall caught Chris’s attention, but Y/N knew who it was. Chris looked over Y/N’s shoulder. Y/N rolled her eyes, getting ready for the interaction. Chris sighed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? We can go over the homework, too. I’m sure I’ll have some questions,” Chris started backing away as Billy and his friends got closer.  

“See you tomorrow!” Y/N called out to Chris. He gave a wave and turned around down the hall.

“Don’t leave on my account, Williams,” Billy yelled down the hall, his voice booming. Chris ignored him and turned down the connecting hall that would lead him to the parking lot.

“Hey! I’m talking to you, Williams!” Billy’s voice turned menacing as he and his friends made their way after him. Y/N grabbed Billy by the back of his jean jacket, trying to hold him back.

What are you doing?!” Y/N screeched at Billy. Billy whipped around, cornering Y/N at her locker. He slammed his hands on either side of her head, making her jump.

Keep reading

Writing is Hard, pt 8: Slow and Steady

Summary: Dean shows you his favorite kind of sex.

Read Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Warning: Smut, dirty talk

Word Count: 3100ish

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. Hope you enjoy! (Sorry, tag list is closed!) XOXO

The motel door opens quietly and you hear Dean shuffle in, his footsteps easy to recognize. You don’t move, body too exhausted to even roll over in bed and say hi.

Sam has to know that Dean comes to your room every night now. Actually, Dean just goes straight in with you now more often than not, leaving Sam to himself. You’ve never discussed it, but you suspect that Sam’s silence on the matter of you and Dean is his thank you for finally having some privacy on a regular basis.

Either way, you aren’t remotely surprised that Dean is here. You listen to boots being kicked off, a gun being placed on the night stand, and clothes being shuffled off. He’s down to his boxers when he slides beneath the covers.

Keep reading

Lie to me? Steal my work? Have fun going from 52K a year to minimum wages.

(warning: long story)

Takes place back in 2014, long read with a lot of buildup to revenge. I was about a year into my job and was being recognized for my talents and promoted pretty regularly. I was constantly being used as the liaison between my company and the client companies we had business and contracts with, and literally have saved our contract companies hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Then I was approached by Amy, who was in another department, for a job opportunity in the next month or so. She was going out on medical leave and was going to train me to take over her position in the interim and then fully take it over once she came back and moved into a new role. I was ecstatic because I knew she had a salary position and that’s what I really wanted. Most of the salaried positions in the company were the kind you had direct reports and in my industry there is a lot of stupid and handholding so I was not looking forward to have to deal with that stuff, but here was this angel offering me the salary I wanted and the stepping stone I wanted to get further in the company, all without having to deal with stupidity on a daily basis! So for the next 3 weeks I’m pulled from my current duties about twice a week to train in her position. In the beginning it was really menial stuff to get aquatinted with her department but then we started getting into the bigger Excel stuff. Now her job was 90% Excel based, but in having her teach me her job and the duties and deadlines for certain things I realized she was basically flying by with basic Excel knowledge (I’m taking formulas to do math and VLOOKUPs were the majority of what she used in EVERYTHING). Now I was really okay with it and knew I could bring a lot more to the position with my knowledge and really help out the management team and showcase my expertise to them.

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The Sides As Things I’ve Done At Work:

PATTON:

Coworker: *hits fax machine* “This piece of garbage!”

Me: “Nooo, it has feelings!” *gently rubs fax machine* “It’s okay, buddy, you can do it!”

Fax Machine: *abruptly starts working*

Coworker: “No way!!!”

Me: :D

LOGAN:

Coworker: “…oh god, you have a spreadsheet of that, don’t you?”

Me: “I have several spreadsheets. They’re color coded for maximum efficiency.”

ALSO LOGAN:

Coworker: “How much trouble could I theoretically get into for tripping her into that filing cabinet?”

Me: “Well… let’s do a cost-benefit analysis! She’s not management’s favorite, and her odious personality and rudeness haven’t earned her many friends…hmmm…” *pulls out notepad and starts writing*

Coworker: *awed whisper* “Oh my god, you’re actually doing it. I love you.”

ROMAN:

Me: “If I have to post one more check, I’m going to scream or walk into traffic or both!”

Coworker: “So would now be a bad time to tell you the mail’s here?”

Me: *stands and dramatically starts for the door*

Coworker: *sigh* “Get back here!”

Me: *distantly* “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!”

VIRGIL:

Coworker: “So how’s it going?”

Me: *hisses at computer screen*

Coworker: “Oh, so like normal then. Good!”

ALSO VIRGIL:

Me and Coworker A: *stare in horror at piles of work on our desks*

Coworker A: “We could fix this with a match.”

Me: *wordlessly holds out a lighter*

Coworker B: “FIRE IS NOT A SOLUTION!”

Me: “Not with that attitude it isn’t.”

Don’t Freak V

Originally posted by kings-of-my-heart

Steve Harrington x Reader

PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV

PART V

AN: I AM COMPLETE TRASH. NO SURPRISE THERE.


Jonathan sat like stone, emotion vacant from his face while Y/N paced the living room.

Please say something,” She begged. Jonathan shrugged.

“I don’t know what to say,” Y/N sighed and nodded. A few moments passed before Y/N spoke again.

“He came by today,”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t let him in,” Jonathan took a good look at her face, then laughed. “He tried talking to me through the mail slot in the door,” This had Jonathan full belly laughing. “Why are you laughing?” He had a grin on his face and shook his head in disbelief.

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How to ruin a thirsty NPC's day.

So I play in a Tyranny of Dragons game, and I had just retired my old character. My new character, a elf wizard/cleric (Ali) was going with our genasi monk (Gin) to visit an NPC named Jack in the Yawning Portal. This NPC happened to have a *huge* crush on our Monk.

We walked up to him and I’m introduced.
DM: Ali, you can tell that the moment he sees Gin, he becomes he extremely flustered.
Me: Alright. I shake his hand and say “Be careful not to fall to hard, dear, you might get a bruise.”
(Group starts laughing)
DM: Hah, okay, so you say that to him and he becomes even more flustered than he was before.
Gin’s player: Gin is completely oblivious and is really confused, like “he’s sitting down he’d have to fall off pretty hard to get a bruise.”
(Gin and the NPC proceed to have a conversation about another NPC, whilst I wiggle my eyebrows behind her to mess with Jack)
DM: Eventually the barkeep comes over with you drinks and asks for 3cp each.
Me(IC): I’ll cover it. Do you want a drink, Jack?
Jack: Nah thanks, just some more water.
Me(IC): To be honest, Jack, I’m not surprised by how much water you drink, considering how thirsty you are.
(Group immediately loses their shit)
DM, whilst laughing: Oh my god. That was amazing. You get inspiration, holy shit. You have never seen a human become more flustered than Jack is right now. He almost chokes on his water.

I’m so glad my new character gets along with NPCs.

tl;dr - I roasted a really thirty NPC into oblivion

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For @isamaegreenleaf…reader is a Stark as requested. Enjoy!

Y/N crept quietly around the tower. From what she could tell, the invasion her father had been warning her about was happening right now. She had recognized Dr. Selvig, but he seemed off somehow. He hadn’t even seen her. She honestly had no idea what was going on. The only thing she knew was that her dad wanted her out of sight of the fight.

“I could totally help,” she mumbled to herself.
“Mr. Stark wants me to tell you he can hear you,” JARVIS spoke to her from her watch.
She rolled her eyes. “Well dad, I totally could.”

Y/N craned her neck around the corner. Seeing no one else around, she straightened her posture. She ruffled her hair and walked over to the bar. She reached over the counter for a bottle. As she opened it, Y/N took off her watch.

“Well, this is a surprise.”

Y/N spun around to see Loki. The only reason she had known it was him was because of the video she had seen of Steve fighting him in Germany. She hadn’t expected him to look all too different from that footage. She swallowed, forcing a smile.

“I could say the same thing about you,” she stated, “You’re in my home, after all.”
You live here?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow, “Does my brother have a friend he forgot to mention?”
“Do you think your brother stupid enough to say everything?” she countered.

Loki smiled. He slowly made his way closer to Y/N. For some odd and frustrating reason, Y/N didn’t move a single muscle. She didn’t even step back into the bar. There was something about his eyes that held her interest. She just couldn’t pinpoint it.

“My brother is many things,” he whispered, “yours, however, he is not.”
She arched a brow. “Oh? And what makes you so sure?”
The man smirked, reaching his hand toward her. “He isn’t here, is he?”

Just before he was going to run his fingers through her hair, he stopped. Keeping his gaze, he lowered his hand without it ever having made contact with her. Part of her almost felt a loss without his touch. Y/N could hardly think, and it was driving her crazy.

“Tell me,” he continued to coo, “What is your name?”
“Y-Y/N,” she muttered.
He gave her a genuine smile. “Quite a lovely name.”

Y/N remained silent. She gulped again as she knit her brows. If she wasn’t mistaken, it appeared he was moving closer to her. He seemed to be slowly entering her space…and she was letting him.

A large explosion from outside managed to bring her back to the present circumstance. It had pulled her so much so that she actually looked out of the large windows. Instinctively, however, her gaze returned to seeking Loki’s.

He was gone.

Just as timely, her father slowed to a stop inside the tower. His face conveyed his worry. He hurried over to her.

“Are you okay? What did he do?” Tony rambled, “Where is he? Are you okay?”
Y/N started to nod. “Dad, I’m fine. Do I look hurt?”
Tony scanned his daughter. “No…He didn’t touch you with his scepter did he?”
She knit her brows. “No. He didn’t touch me at all. How’d you know he was here?”
“JARVIS sent the silent stress signal,” he paused, “Come on. I’m getting you out of here.”

Y/N didn’t bother to resist. She knew she wouldn’t be of much help now anyway. There was something about Loki that caused her senses to overload. She tried to focus as her dad led her to a safer place.

Perma-tags: @dontbeamenacetotheforce @ttelesilla @jumperswellies @caitsymichelle13
Marvel tag: @ladysigyn221

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casthewise-redirect  asked:

How about Dean and Cas as University professors? Where one is a leather-jacket-wearing, motorcycle-driving badass and the other wears sweater vests and dorky glasses? And none of their students realize they're married until some event happens that ends with someone witnessing them kissing goodbye in front of one of their offices?

Gossiping is a powerful urge. University students are by no means exempt from it, despite ostensibly being intelligent adults. So when one sunny Monday morning, Professor Novak shows up to class with a visible hickey on the side of his neck, the rumor mill goes spinning out of control.

Because, yeah, Novak is good looking but he’s always seemed kind of… untouchable. Like a monk, but a hot one.

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