So my co-worker and I just came up with the best idea for a series of stories/comics.
Harvey Dent is mostly rehabilitated and starts practising law again.
And what he does, right, is he starts defending all the little guys that get caught up in the super villains bigger schemes, or helps out the villains that are trying to do a better job or can’t afford to defend themselves. Like, can you just imagine?
Some minor criminal gets tricked into playing the patsy for a bigger villain. Harvey helps them out.
Harvey wears a mask in court, (like in Batman Telltale ep. 3 if he’s Two Face) but when he really wants to intimidate the opposition, he’ll take it off and go full Two Face for a bit. You really know you’re in trouble when he pulls out the coin.
Any time one of the big bads drugs an entire chunk of the population, and there’s suddenly dozens of people committing minor crimes even though they didn’t necessarily want to, Harvey Dent is there to represent every single one of them.
One of the other villains that’s trying to redeem themselves, like Harley or something, needs legal help; doesn’t want to end up in Arkham again or is just plain having a hard time; Harvey is there to help.
The other lawyers absolutely fucking hate him now, because he’s still mostly doing it to help out. Sometimes he doesn’t even take payment for cases.
At some stage Batman needs legal representation and comes knocking on Harvey’s door, and at first Harvey is just really confused, but then he goes along with it.
Okay. We have additions because it’s slow at work today and we keep coming up with ideas.
When Harvey first starts out no-one wants to hire him because he’s Two Face, and he has to work really hard to move past that.
still so much corruption in the legal system and no-one wants Harvey to
win cases, so he actually has a really bad record of losing.
But sometimes Wayne Enterprises steps in to pay bail or something.
And Harvey doesn’t give up, even though it’s really tempting and sometimes the failures make his own battle even harder.
of the big villains (Black Mask, Joker…) start coming after Harvey
because his work means that more of their mooks are turning in evidence
against them, or getting out of a life of crime etc. But others are
totally fine with it because they know they might need his help some
Harvey has to defend Red Hood and the Outlaws. It is a mess.
This ties in to Harley’s redemption arc as well. After he defends her they become really good friends and regularly help each other out for free.
High school is an unusual society
where the students follow unspoken rules and the teachers let them in order to
maintain an easier, quieter life. The rules are simple enough: stay within your
group, don’t become the teacher’s pet, keep fights within your year, and above
all, never tell on another student.
Unfortunately, that last rule
came with its own consequences for you on a Friday before school let out. Toby
Garfield had accidentally broken one of the windows for all the students to see
but since nobody, including yourself, was willing to tell the teacher, Mr Maguire,
you were blamed for being the closest to the scene of the crime. It meant that
after school, you had been given glamourous job of scrubbing graffiti off the
walls; you had even been given the janitor’s keys to put the cleaning supplies
After an hour and a half of scrubbing,
you checked your watch yet again, sure that it must finally be time for you to
go home. When you saw it wasn’t, you were sure time must be passing agonisingly
slow just to taunt you.
“That’s it.” You growled
irritably, throwing the scrubbing brush back into the bucket and inadvertently
soaking yourself with water. “No more. There’s nobody here. I’m going home.”
You continued to chunter to
yourself down the hallway until you reached the supply closet where you grew
even more frustrated as it refused to unlock.
“OH, COME ON!” You exploded
“Hello?” A muffled voice sounded
from inside the closet.
You frowned at the door, puzzled.
“Hey um, I’m kind of trapped in
here, do you think you could let me out?”
“Oh!” You burst into action,
trying again to unlock it. The door remained stubbornly shut, even when you
leant against it with all your might. “Door’s jammed.” You grunted, pushing
“Yeah… Flash dented the lock so I
wouldn’t get out.”
“Flash? As in Flash Thompson? Why
would he- Hang on, you’re not that guy are you? The one he always picks on?
What was it? P- P- P- Percy? No, uh-”
“It’s Peter actually.”
“Right, Peter, sorry about that.
This is (Y/N) by the way, if you know me that is.”
“Yeah, we’re in most classes
“We are? My bad, I don’t pay much
attention. Well, when this is over I’m gonna kill Flash. Okay, move back from
the door, I have an idea.”
Peter moved as far back as he
could in the tiny supply closet, waiting for your master plan. There was a loud
thud against the door, followed by a pained groan.
“H-hey, are you alright?” Peter
“That was… That was a stupid
plan.” You cringed. “New plan. I’m going to get some of the tools from
workshop. Sit tight Peter, I’ll be right back.”
Peter sat down, leaning against
the wall as he had before you came along. He debated what he’d tell Aunt May
and Uncle Ben this time, after all, there would be no explaining the- Loud
scraping of metal on metal interrupted his thoughts.
“You’re back.” He declared
“Uh-huh.” You answered
distractedly, attacking the door hinges with a screwdriver and hammer. It took
just under half an hour of hacking inexpertly at the tight metal before you
managed to remove the hinges completely. You grabbed the door quickly, easing it
to the floor to let Peter out.
“Done.” You panted tiredly,
staring at the mess you’d made.
“Thank you, I’m sorry I put you
through so much trouble.”
“It’s no big deal, I’m just glad-”
You turned to Peter, “Good God man.” You stated, appalled at the sight before
Peter’s face was covered in cuts
and bruises, his left eye was swollen and purple, and there was dried blood,
which had made its way from his nose to his shirt.
“Did Flash and his gang do this
to you?” You whispered incredulously.
“Uh yeah, sorry.” Peter
apologised, hating the worry on your face. “It’s fine really. I’m sure Flash
just has his own troubles and-”
“No. This isn’t okay so don’t go
acting like it is. Come on, we have to get you cleaned up before your cuts get
infected or something.”
“Are you sure we should be doing
this?” Peter questioned apprehensively as you tried each key on the bunch for
the nurse’s office. “Isn’t this breaking the rules?”
“Peter, I just broke down a door,
I think this is acceptable.” You pushed the door open. “Now sit down, I need to
get a cloth.”
Peter perched on the edge of a
bed while you rifled through some drawers, “Cloths are in the second drawer and
saline solution is in the cupboard on your right.” he explained.
“I’m guessing you spend a lot of
time in here.” You got the items, moving back to him.
“A little more than I should.”
You prepared the solution on the
cloth, “This may sting a little.”
You dabbed his face gently,
clearing away the blood where you could. Peter sat silently, suddenly bashful
at your proximity.
“So, where do you live anyway?”
You asked while you worked.
“What? Uh, w-why?”
“It’s late, I don’t want you walking
home alone in the dark.”
“What about you? If you walked me
home, who would walk you home?”
“Look, just tell me where you
live, who knows? It may be right next to me but I won’t know until you tell me.”
“I live in Forest Hills but you
don’t have to-”
“No way, I live in the street
around the corner.” You lied, doing whatever it took to get Peter home.
“Really?” Peter lit up excitedly.
“Yeah, come on, I think I’ve done
all I can here. I’ll lock up and we can go.”
“Uh (Y/N), what about the supply
“What the principal doesn’t know
can’t hurt us, he’ll probably just assume it was just some vandal; God knows
the school’s full of ‘em. Now let’s go, it’s bad enough walking through New
York in the day, it’s even worse at night and I don’t know about you but I don’t
have any bus money so I’d rather set off now.”
“Where could he have got to May?”
Ben Parker paced restlessly around his living room, waiting for the phone to
“Ben-” May started, looking
through the net curtains.
“I should be out there looking
“It’s been hours now.”
“Ben!” May raised her voice
slightly, startling her husband. She smiled serenely, “Peter’s outside and it
looks like he’s brought a friend.”
“What?” Ben joined his wife at
the window. Peter’s back was facing the pair but they could just see you in
front of him.
“Do you think he’s been out on a
date?” May gushed ecstatically.
“Now May, it could just be a
“Either way, our little Peter
hasn’t brought many people over before.”
“What do you suppose they’re
talking about out there?”
“I don’t know, oh let’s invite
them in, I’d love to meet Peter’s new friend.”
“Do you really think that’s a
good idea?” Ben asked a little too late, May was already heading towards the
She threw it open
enthusiastically, “Peter dear, welcome home. Come now, why don’t you introduce
us to your friend?”
Peter blushed awkwardly, “A-aunt
May-” he stuttered.
You looked behind Peter to see
his aunt and uncle in the doorway. They motioned you inside, “Come now dear, no
need to be shy.” May cooed at you.
“Sorry about this.” Peter
whispered, nervous that you would hate his family and think him a loser. In
truth, he loved his family more than anything so if you disliked them he knew
he wouldn’t have anything to do with you from then on.
You walked past Peter to the
front door, “Hello, I’m (Y/N), it’s a pleasure to meet you.” You stuck your
hand out which Ben shook amiably.
“Please dear, come inside, we’d
love to hear how you know our Peter.” May beamed.
“Oh, um- I wouldn’t want to
“Nonsense, it wouldn’t be a
“Uh, well I suppose, if Peter
Peter finally joined you, “No,
His aunt gasped, “Oh my, Peter
what happened to your face? It wasn’t those boys again was it?”
“Uh, no. No, it wasn’t, it was
“No, I can tell you, I saw the
whole thing.” You jumped in, saving Peter from whatever mess of an explanation
he’d come up with. “Peter actually slipped on something at the top of the
stairs and fell down half a flight. It was reported to the principal and I took
him to the nurse’s office; it was all just a clumsy mistake.”
“Peter, you really must be more
careful.” May chastised mildly. “Still, it’s good you had such a nice friend to
help you. Now come on in out of the cold you two, I’ll make everyone a nice cup
Over the next twenty minutes, you
were asked all manner of questions which you answered gladly, knowing that if
your family met Peter, they’d probably do the same to him. You found May and
Ben to be lovely people who clearly adored their nephew. It almost made you
reluctant to announce you had to leave.
“Are you sure you won’t stay for
dinner?” May offered.
“No thank you, I should be
getting home ASAP.”
“Where do you live dear? I
wouldn’t want you walking home alone in the dark.”
“Aunt May, (Y/N) lives just
around-” Peter started until you gave him a look and shook your head.
“I um, I actually live in the
city, but if I start walking now I can be home in an hour or two.”
“Peter,” Ben scolded, “you let
(Y/N) come with you all this way even though (s)he lives in the city. How could
you be so irresponsible?”
“It’s alright, really. Peter
didn’t know where I lived, I didn’t tell him.” You explained. “It was nice
meeting you both, I hope I’ll get to again. See you later Peter.” You got up to
“Hey now, it wouldn’t be right to
let you go out alone in the pitch black. What kind of person would I be if I
allowed you to do that? Come with me and we’ll go in the car.”
“No buts, come on now.”
You knew there was no way you
would win the argument against Ben Parker; he was the very image of how a
guardian should behave. You followed him out of the house apologising for the
When the car pulled away, May
turned to Peter, gushing, “(S)he is a lovely one, that (Y/N). You should ask
him/her out before someone else does.”
“Aunt May-” Peter blushed.
“Now, now, I saw the way you
looked at (Y/N), it’s the same way your father looked at your mother when they
“(Y/N)’s just a friend.”
“For now maybe but that can
change quite easily.”
Peter shuffled awkwardly on the
“Alright.” May relented. “I’ll
drop it for now but we both know I’m right.”
She walked away, leaving Peter to
his thoughts. You were one of the first people to really acknowledge him in
school and you’d met his family all in one day, how could he not have a crush
on you? Despite that, he was sure you were just being polite and that
everything would go back to normal on Monday because who would admit to liking
him in front of the other students?
Much to Peter’s amazement, you
didn’t ignore him on the following Monday. In fact, from then on you made extra
efforts to sit with him in class, work together on group projects, and even
meet him when you could outside of school. Your friendship endured even when
Peter started acting unusual, disappearing on occasion, and making peculiar
excuses not to meet you. Although you wanted to know what was wrong with him,
you stopped asking because he became fidgety and uncomfortable whenever you did.
After a year as your friend, Peter decided it was finally time to ask you out;
as soon as Valentine’s day rolled around he was going to visit your house, take
flowers, and hope you wouldn’t reject his affections.
Peter checked himself out in the
mirror. He had a million questions right now but nobody to ask them to. Was his
outfit okay or would a suit be better than jeans and a t-shirt? Were the dozen
red roses he was holding too much or not enough? Should he slick his hair back?
How would he ask the question? Would he suddenly blurt it out in a moment of
clarity or would he stand gawkily spluttering clumsy words? His multitude of
questions were interrupted by the phone downstairs, he ran to get it since his
Aunt and Uncle were away on a day-long date.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Peter, where are you?” You
asked. “You said you were coming over to work on our Science project today or
did you forget?”
Peter cursed himself silently,
he’d been so busy getting ready that he’d forgotten the excuse he’d made to
“Uh… yeah. I’m on my way now,
it’s just that to make our uh presentation board we’ll need tacks and I went to
the store here but they don’t have any.”
“Oh, no problem, you just get
over here when you can and I’ll pick up some tacks at our store.”
“Great, I’ll uh, see you soon
“Okie doke, see you soon, bye.”
The phone clicked off. Peter
looked at the clock on the wall, he’d have to hurry if he wanted to ask you out
before your family got home. He ran upstairs, grabbing his backpack. There was
only one thing that would get him to your place in good time; for this job, he
would have to be Spiderman.
You threw the tacks in your bag
on the way back home from the store, absentmindedly taking the shortcut through
the back allies to your apartment block as you always did when it was cold.
“That sure is a nice lookin’ bag
you got there.” A lanky man in a cut off denim vest and jeans croaked.
“Excuse me?” You turned to face
“I’ll bet it’s worth a pretty
penny or two.”
“W-What do you want?” You
“That depends really don’t it.
How much do you have?”
He pulled a switchblade out,
grinning maliciously. You took a few steps backwards, keeping an eye on him
until two meaty arms wrapped around your chest.
You screamed and bucked, craning
your neck to see your attacker, another man who was clearly in league with the
first, sneered as you writhed against him. The first man came closer, swaying
his knife around, “I think this is going to be a fun day.”
“Wait.” You shrieked. “I’ll give
you everything I have. Please, you don’t have to do this.”
“Have to? No. But I do want to, I
like hearing people scream.”
“Wow.” Sarcastic clapping brought
everyone’s attention to the vigilante Spiderman, who was stood only a few feet
away. “Real great show everybody but it won’t make it to stage if someone dies
in the first scene.”
“What the hell are you on about?”
Denim jacket waved his knife in Spiderman’s direction.
“Wait! This isn’t a play rehearsal?
Damn, if it was I was gonna add a scene where the two idiots got arrested and
the victim goes free… Oh well, I guess I can do that anyway.”
You watched disbelievingly as the
other thug let go of you, ready to go head-to-head with Spiderman. You didn’t
know what to say about the scene in front of you as you stood, paralysed,
watching it unfurl. It took only about two minutes for Spiderman to
incapacitate the two men, leaving them stuck against the wall, presumably for
the police to find.
He approached you, completely
relaxed. “Are you alright? Did they hurt you?”
You swallowed thickly, your
suspicions confirmed, then in a low voice you whispered, “Peter?”
Spiderman stumbled back, stunned.
“Wha- Who? I don’t know any-”
“Stop. Don’t insult me like this Pe-
You turned to leave the way you’d
came but were stopped as Spiderman grabbed your wrist. “Can I… Can we talk
You hesitated before nodding
uncertainly. Spiderman grabbed you around the waist tightly, using his web
slingers to take off into the sky. Cold air whipped across your face as you
clung tightly to him, both exhilarated and terrified until he stopped at the
top of a nearby building, about 20 stories off the ground.
“How did you know?” He asked,
sounding less confident than before.
“No matter how you disguise it, I
know your voice by now.” You kept a safe distance from the friend you thought
you knew. “How- I mean… You were always the guy who took photos but like… Were
you born like this? Hell, are you even from this planet?”
“You’ve definitely been reading
too much Superman.”
“Okay, drop the sarcasm mister or
I’ll uh, very slowly climb down the fire escape, I guess.” You peeked over the
edge of the building dubiously.
“It’s a long story with a
radioactive spider and I know it’s weird but this is new to me too. Do you… do
you accept me as Spiderman?”
“I don’t think I have much of a
choice.” You replied sardonically, then switching to concern you asked, “Do you
get hurt a lot?”
“Is this where you’re always
“Okay.” You clambered onto the
“Wait, (Y/N) where are you
going?” he asked, alarmed.
“I just need some time to figure
this out because I’ve just found out my best friend is a vigilante superhero
who disappears often to get into fights with strangers.”
“Hang on, please don’t be like
this, I- Just stay here for two minutes, can you do that for me?”
You exhaled tiredly, rubbing your
forehead, “Sure, fine, whatever.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Spiderman zipped away, leaving
you on the fire escape to survey the city below; it seemed peaceful to be above
it all. You could almost see the advantage of having powers like Peter’s. The
peace didn’t last long however as Spiderman flung himself back onto the roof,
landing behind you. When you faced him, you saw that his hands were behind his
back and he was shuffling nervously.
“I uh, I planned to do this
properly but considering everything… here.”
He pulled a very wilted bouquet
of roses from behind his back, the heads had fallen off a few and the rest had
shed most of their petals from the journey up. The sight of them made you smile
wearily as you took hold of them gently.
“It’s Valentine’s day.” Peter
“That it is. So, is this you
asking me out?”
“Yeah. If you don’t like it
though, I can try again, we could do it a different way, or-”
You put up a hand to stop Peter’s
babbling, “I um, I still need to get my head around everything so I’m just
going to head home now.”
“WAIT!” Peter put his hand out.
“Uh… Look, I understand if you don’t want to see me again but please, I’ve gotta
ask you, you won’t tell the police about this will you?”
“Excuse me?” You said, affronted
by the question. “What kind of cretin do you take me for? I would never in a
million years, tell the police that my boyfriend was Spiderman.”
The whites of Peter’s mask
widened in surprise, “B-boyfriend.”
You grinned. “Yes, boyfriend.
Now, either you give me a lift to my apartment block or I climb this fire
escape. Either way, it’s an adventure.”
Peter ran over to you clumsily;
he was too lost in his ecstasy to speak. Instead, he simply grabbed hold of you
and vaulted confidently off the roof to take you home.
I like to entertain the idea of a pet store that sells pocket!vampires and the stuff that is needed to properly care for them. Imagine some of them being kept in the same area with others of themselves, like gerbils.
For example, pocket!Shu(s) tend to sleep in a corner keeping each other warm, some like to bury themselves under the wood shavings. Others fall asleep in the food bowl. One curls up and the others instinctively move to sleep next to it. It’s probably recommended that you buy at least two. As pets, they don’t require much space. Still, you need to nudge them frequently. Do not ever trust that they are dead and flush them; they’re probably just pretending to be dead so you won’t bother them.
Cagemates: Other pocket!Shu(s) are preferred, but pocket!Yui(s) are ok, just make sure she can get back to her own cage. NEVER house with pocket!Reiji(s). Pocket!Yuma(s) are a 50/50, though.
Pocket!Ayato(s) would be best kept separately, like male betta fish, because they can be quite competitive and territorial. It’s even preferred to make sure they can’t see each other because one of them will start a petty squabble which will just end in frustration because they can’t throw a punch through glass. It’s best to handle them with thick gloves for the first few weeks because they like to bite. A lot. If your pocket!Ayato isn’t biting you at all, he’s probably sick. They are highly responsive to the reward system and praise. Easily trained.
Cagements: Pocket!Laito(s), and sometimes, pocket!Yui, but not without supervision. They like to pick on things smaller than them. NEVER house with pocket!Ruki or pocket!Reiji. You’re just asking for trouble.
Pocket!Laito(s) are best kept with other pocket vampires, but not with each other, because they tend to be too cunning for their own good. Do not keep a pocket!Laito in a container without at least five mentally stimulating toys for them to play with. They will try to break out of their cage and sneak into other cages and instigate trouble if they’re bored. If you can’t find them in their cage, you can try to lure them out with macarons. They’re rather fond of those, especially the green ones.
For cagemates, they do well with pocket!Ayato(s) and pocket!Kanato(s). NEVER leave a Pocket!Yui alone with them without supervision.
Pocket!Subaru(s) are solitary. However, they do need social interaction, but on THEIR terms. You can buy one and let him get to know you, but if you’re going to be away, you can buy a pocket!Yui as well, but keep them in adjoining cages instead of one cage. Make sure, however, that there is always plenty of hiding places for pocket!Subaru. They tend to be moody. Also, make sure to reinforce their cage every once in a while. Those weird dents? Yeah, they’re made by pocket!Subaru. If it bothers you, you can try buying one of our tiny punching bags made just for them.
For cagemates, they do best with pocket!Yui(s), sometimes pocket!Shu(s), and occasionally pocket!Kou(s), but it depends on the individual.
Pocket!Kanato(s) tend to be temperamental pets and are better suited for owners who have some experience. They require the most patience, and are known to bond only with one handler. Feed them different candies per day. They enjoy variety and picking which hand has the candy. Even if they don’t eat them, they like to collect them. They also like the crinkly sound that some wrappers make. Do not force them to exercise, they have the fastest metabolism and sugar burns fast anyway.
For cagemates, they do best with pocket!Reiji(s) and pocket!Laito. NEVER put them with a pocket!Azusa.
Special note: the Teddy bear came with them. We’re not sure how, but every shipment of pocket!Kanato(s) have their own teddy.
Pocket!Reiji(s) are, next to pocket!Ruki and pocket!Yuma, the most self-sufficient as pets. Pocket!Reiji(s) are so independent, that at times the owner may wonder if it’s them who picked the Pocket!Reiji, or the other way around. They have a keen eye for detail and perfection, and they will refuse food if it’s not up to THEIR standards. But the wonderful trade-off for having this seemingly troublesome pet is that you can be very successful with your grades or business. No other pet can brag about this.
Cagemates: While pocket!Reiji(s) prefer to be left alone, they do fine with pocket!Ruki(s). It’s speculated by owners that both have similar demands for excellence from their keepers. NEVER house with pocket!Shu.
…Idek what happened, I just started typing and this is what came out. I may do the others later. :|
This story is a (belated) birthday gift for my wonderful friend, @grapefruitwannabe! But since I’m posting it on Valentine’s Day, I figure it can be her valentine too (cc: @inuyasha-valentines). So, happy birthday, my lovely! And on this Day of Valentines, I offer you the gift of InuKag love.
Inuyasha had never faced a challenge like this one. Nothing else he’d ever come up against—surviving childhood, fighting bloodthirsty demons out to skin hanyō hide, enduring ubiquitous contempt and ostracization from both humans and demons, being pinned to a damned tree for 50 years—none of it compared to the sheer heart-pounding terror of the task ahead of him.
Jonathan Crane: The extreme coupon/bargain hunter. You want 27 orange juice containers for some reason? He’s got a coupon for that. You want a bunch of guns without the consequence of blackmail later? He’s got 3 coupons for that. You want a pack of Oreo’s, but don’t have a coupon? Well put that shit back on the shelf b/c it’s the coupon way or fear toxin way, no exception.
Edward Nigma: The thrift shop prowler. May it be a Value Village or some obscure store, he will have visited it at some point. Why spend $50 on a new cane when you can get an old one for 99 cents, and just modify it? Where else do you think he buys so many suits, Abercomie & Finch? Nah, he’s too busy devising plots designed for tormenting Batman to make money for that. He’ll wear your grandpa’s hand me downs any day, and just say it’s high class (What? It probably was at some point).
Poison Ivy: The window browser, aka the ‘i’m shopping but not really’ type. Spends more time admiring the clothes than actually buying them, unless she’s with friends, in which case she may indulge a bit. If she see’s someone else admiring clothes, she will vigorously insist they try it on until they decide to buy it. She’ll probably have everyone else blowing all the money before the end of the trip, and then walk away herself with a full wallet. The only exception to this is the organic beauty product store, or any organic store in fact. All products will be bought from the shelf before the end of the hour, and some poor sucker will be seduced into carrying it home for her. What a queen.
Harley Quinn: The no limit spender. Every shopping trip is a fresh challenge to see how far she can push the newest credit card she stole. Everything she buys is worth it in her eyes, and if she ever runs short, she can call up some ‘gal-pals’ to persuade Mr.Wayne into loaning his money to them again. Even though it barely stays in her hands, she seems to always have an endless flow of cash from somewhere.
Jervis Tetch: The know it all. This man is in the scene. You want tea? He knows a store. You want cute doily shit and flower headbands? He knows a store. You want mind controlling technology and maybe some cat food? He can probably hook you up with the mind tech, but he knows a store for cat food as well. You want books on neurosciences and the working of the brain? He knows several bookstores with that shit, cause he shops there frequently. You want access to the most exclusive stores in town? He can do that. He’s a shopping champ.
Harvey Dent: The indecisive shopper. Go shopping with him, and you’ll spend more time looking at the stuff in the store than actually buying it. He’ll hum, and huh, and flip his way through every item that may have caught his attention. If he see’s a suit, he’ll spend a solid 20 minutes deciding if it’d be better two toned, or monotone. Don’t try to tell him to buy it or not either, or you’ll be standing for even longer as he contemplates wringing your neck in the store or parking lot.
Joker: The erratic buyer. He’ll go from socks to swords in minutes, and you probably won’t fully grasp what the fuck is going on throughout the entire trip. He’ll be pushing a cart that’ll have kazoos, guns, a goldfish, twenty something pairs of underwear, a golf club, and a laser cat pointer, and somehow he’ll manage to make it into a functional plan. Only shop with him if you want to get doused with laughing gas, or get a massive headache out of sheer confusion. Whichever one comes first.
Victor Fries: The miracle worker. Browses around, purchases only the necessities, chips in to help whenever you’re a dollar short or something, somehow knows all the best deals, and is the ideal shopping buddy. Just keep him away from stores involving ice, cryotechnology, or couples things. It may be several hours before he decides to leave them.
Oswald Cobblepot: The snob. His motto is ‘Shop? Why shop when you can just commission everyone to make the clothes for you!’. He’d rather invite Black Mask to tango dancing than be caught in a Target.
Gotta say, you've got ovaries of solid steel. People come swinging at you with poor little meat-fists, thinking they're gonna leave bruises behind, and they can't even make a dent in you. I wonder how long before they actually start to realize this and give up trying? All they're doing is hurting their own knuckles by beating on a brick wall.
Many women wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a brick wall, but I take on the comparison with pride.
•Almost never home??
• At least on the weekends
• Likes to party at hip hop clubs
• Comes home between midnight-5 am
• If he gets food he’ll bring you some as well
• When he is home he likes to have movie nights with you
•Gives guys that look at you wrong dirty looks
• Pretty clean roommate
• Except for his bathroom station
• His hair and skin care products are everywhere and his countertop space is kinda sticky
• Will use your products when he runs out
• Denies it when you bring it up
• Likes to cook with you
• Tries to teach you how to play the bass
• Overall super chill
• Always cleans up his messes
• Likes to have the windows open on nice days
• Has plants on the balcony
• Drinks those organic healthy smoothies
• Makes you try new recipes with him
• Both of you do the grocery shopping together on Sunday afternoons
• In bed by 10:30 most nights
• Plays his guitar for you
•Cute duets (even if you can’t sing)
• Comes home sweaty from his dance and/or martial arts practices
• Tries to hug you
• “Junhui! You’re going to get your stink on me!”
• “You know you love me~!”
• Teaches you small phrases in Chinese for fun
•And doesn’t try to trick you into saying something inappropriate
• Always dancing around
• Broke a lamp, a vase, a picture frame, and put a dent in the wall while doing so
• Lets you pick the movie or show on nights in
• Likes skinship at home and in public
• “Soonyoung, people are going to think we’re dating, haha.”
• “… We’re not?”
• (^up to you if he’s joking or not)
• Does the cooking and cleaning if you we’re having a bad day
•Kicks his shoes off when he enters the apartment but he leaves them right in front of the door
• Takes care of you when you’re sick
• If he’s making a snack he’ll ask you of you want some
• Remembers small details about you
• Snapchats your mom
•Plays fun music
•Cooks and cleans with you
•Sometimes brings home friends without telling you
• Quiet roommate
• Spends a lot of time in his room / home studio
• You have to bring him food and water sometime because he’s so busy working
•Once he gets more comfortable with you he ask you to critique his work
•Lets you drag him out to have fun
•When he has writers block or he can’t sleep he likes to go for late night walks
•He ask if you want to walk with him sometimes
• Tries to teach you b-boying
• Keyword: TRIES
• You got a sprained wrist
• He had to take you to the hospital
• Teaches you small phrases in Chinese for fun
• Tricks you into saying something inappropriate
• You two playfully argue all the time
• Easy-going roommate
•He always cooks because he’s just better at it
• Always knows how to make you laugh
• Always looks really nice so you have to step it up when you two go out
• You scold him when he sneezes in his hand and then tries to touch you
•Brings you a healthy lunch at work
• Always smells good
• Like literal sunshine
• Dances to girl group songs with you
• You two always have music blasting
• Had noise complaints many times
•You’ve gotten close to hia friends Soonyoung and Seungkwan
•All the kids in the building love him
•Piggy back rides for the kiddos and for you when your heels starts to make blisters
• Helps the elderly people in the building
• Sings all the time!
• Will threaten to change the locks if you do aegyo in front of him
•Likes to host parties at the apartment
•Takes you to concerts, plays, musicals, movies, etc. as much as possible
•Secretly in love with you
• Will deny it to his friends
• But not to his mom
•His mom loves the idea of you two together
• Shares his sweatshirts
• Plays his music kinda loud
•Will turn it down or put on headphones on if you ask nicely
•If you cook then he’ll clean
•Leaves his wet towels on the floor
•Likes to rap about what he’s doing at that moment
•His sister Sofia sees you as an older sister
•Dances to Michael Jackson a lot
•Laughs at your jokes
•His laugh makes you laugh
•Which makes him laugh harder
•Will do aegyo to make you feel better
• Or to get his way
•Takes you out for brunch for your birthday or if you accomplished something
I GOTTA REQUEST BEE let's say that s/o somehow accidentally scared MTMTE Ratchet, RB Heatwave, and TFP Knockout to where they respond by whipping around and punching them right in the face on instinct. (Lets make s/o cybertronian cus rip s/o human if this were to ever happen lmao) BTW this just a silly little scenario, nothing serious!
IVE ACCIDENTALLY DONE THIS TO MY BRTOHER AND I ALMOST DID IT TO MY BOSS IT ISNT FUN FOR ANYONE ALSO IM TECHNICALLY NOT DOING RB REQUESTS BUT…. I CAN TRY BC I LVEO U
Ratchet (MTMTE), Heatwave (RB), Knockout (TFP)
Ratchet would be just as surprised as you were, but he’d still reel back and hold his face in pain. Cleanser pricks his optics from the sting of the punch and even though it’s begun to streak down his faceplates now, he’s laughing a little. He barely manages to apologize after it all. You apologize too, but the medic isn’t having it. He puts a hand on the back of his head and sighs, “I was going to ask you a question about where Rodimus was, but I guess you just liked my face so much that you couldn’t resist.” The comment made you smile, but the fact that Ratchet said it with such a straight face confused you a little.
Heatwave would exaggerate it just to get a reaction out of you because he’s a jerk. He’d cover his face and stay still for a second, and then look back at you with watery optics and a why would you ever do that to me look on his face. When you surge forward to apologize, he waves you off and begins to walk away, wiping the energon from his cut-open face. He turns back and starts laughing though, letting you know that his entire act was a joke. You feel the urge to punch him for real, after a stunt like that.
Knockout wouldn’t even register the pain at first, instead screaming and scrambling for the closest thing to a mirror and staring at his reflection. “DID YOU DENT MY FACEPLATE OR MY FINISH,” is pretty much all that comes from his mouth for the next several minutes. You try to get him to calm down and you eventually do (it takes a while) but he’s still hung up on the fact that you scratched him. After you get him to lay down so you can try and repair him, he groans and presses his hand to the spot you struck him. “Now it hurts,” he mumbles.
Finally posting my article! It’s really long and I don’t want to clutter people’s dashboards with the full thing, so please click Keep Reading to read it. Thank you to everyone who responded to my “interview” questions! It was so helpful, and it certainly gave me a good look at what’s going on in the community.
Special thank you to @gaytog and @ally-encampment, who are most heavily featured in the piece. Your responses were phenomenal and I’m grateful for your help on this.
Secondary shout out to @chelsea-beleren-vess and @zoe-of-the-veil, neither of whom I interviewed but who both have been outspoken about this issue and thus who I mention in the article for their public posts.
The Joker x Reader x Harvey Dent - “Ministry of Villainy and Chaos”
Before they are unleashed upon the
world, all villains must pass the final review from the Ministry of Villainy
and Chaos. Meetings are held twice a week and there’s no skipping. Tasks are
assigned and they all must be completed, otherwise one will never be an awesome
You are taking care of the two most
promising rising stars: The Joker and Harvey Dent. You sure hope they will both
pass because they are your personal favorites and man, they will do a lot of
good out there! Cross that out: they will do a lot of evil out there. You walk around your office, carefully
studying them and finally take a sit on your glass desk.
“Ok, guys, did you come up with a
cool nickname for yourselves? J, what have you got?”
“The Jester of Gotham!” he grins, winking
“NO!” you cut him off, playing with
your hair. “And stop flirting. Try again.”
“That’s even worse than the first
one.” He scoffs. “Try harder.”
“The Clown Prince of Crime?”
“You’re not that funny” (J frowns)
but I really like this one. You could also use King of Gotham, just a
suggestion; it’s not taken yet,” you adjust your eyeglasses, writing down “pass” for the Joker on
this week’s assignment.
“I like it, sweetheart,” he licks his
lips, winking again.
“Stop flirting I said or I’ll drop
you and you’ll have to start all over again!”
“Yes, ma’am,” he playfully agrees,
putting his legs up on the marble coffee table in front of him.
“Harvey, did you come up with
“That’s your name, senator, you need
something else,” you roll your eyes, aggravated. “You’re lucky I like you, you
have until next session to find your nickname. I’m on vacation next week so you
have time. Next task is to come up with a defining physical look. See you guys
when I come back.”
They are already in the office when
you arrive. They both get up to meet you and you gasp in awe, shocked with
admiration: Harvey Dent is missing half a face and you stop in front of him,
touching the scars as the Joker snarls, unhappy.
“Wow, Harvey, this is awesome! I love
it! A+, definitely A+, no doubt about it! Wow,” you mutter again, mesmerized.
“Did you do it yourself?”
“Hell, no, I wish I would have come
up with the idea; it was done to me,” he admits because he can’t lie.
“I’m so proud of you, I absolutely love
it,” you finally detach yourself from his face and go to The Joker, your eyes
getting big when you finally notice the details in his change. “Oh, my God,
this is…this is unbelievable!” you caress his soft, now very pale face, and he
purrs, excited. “A+ also, incredible! Goes well with your tattoos and green
hair, genius strike! It makes your blue eyes stand out.”
“Did you hear that Dent? I’m a
genius,” J boasts towards his adversary who gives him a dirty look.
“Did you do it yourself?” you
inquire, tracing his jaw line with your finger, smitten without realizing it.
“Nope, it was done to me also; Ace
Chemicals, I was pushed in a vat against my will.”
“Awww,” you tilt your head, pouting.
“But it all worked out, right? Both pass, amazing work!”
“I’m glad you like it, honey,” J
snarls, pecking your wrist since your hand is still on his face.
“Stop flirting,” you admonish him,
letting go and grabbing your papers, writing down comments on the amazing
transformation they pulled off. “Harvey, did you find a nick name?” you lift
your eyes for a second.
“Two Face,” he cracks his shoulders,
proud of the finding.
“Sooo damn appropriate! Pass,
senator!” you giggle, excited your two favorites are doing so great. “Next time
I see you guys you gotta kidnap someone important for me.”
You enter the first sound proof room
with The Joker and Dent.
“Ahhhh,” you squeal like a school
girl when you see who Harvey got. “The newly promoted Commissar Gordon! Oh,
Senator, you knew he’s my favorite?!”
“Of course, Miss Y/N, I wanted to pass
this damn task,” he smiles, flipping his coin.
“Hello, Gordon,” you go in front of
his chair where he is tight up with a gag in his mouth. “Oh, don’t worry,
nobody’s going to hurt you under my watch. You’re my personal good guy favorite,
so incorruptible. We need people like you to make it fun for us,” you kick his
chair, amused and delighted in the same time. “I heard the wife is pregnant,
what are you having, boy or girl?” He mumbles something, struggling to escape.
“Stop it, Mr. G, we’ll let you go shortly. I’ll send flowers when the happy
event occurs; I hope the boys won’t put any explosives in there,” you crinkle
your nose, praying for the best for his sake.
You step up in the hallway to go to
J’s room. “Oh, you so pass on this one, Harvey! God, I love Gordon,” you sigh,
opening the door and find yourself in front of something strange.
“Who is this, J ??!!”
You point towards the dude strapped on the
chair with the weird outfit on.
“This, my lovely…”
“Stop flirting,“ you interrupt and he
rolls his eyes, continuing: “…is the new guy they are talking about all over
the news, Gotham’s vigilante, The Batman.”
“Really?” you go and sit in Batsy’s
lap, staring at his mask. “Oh, honey, please stop wearing spandex if you want
us to take you seriously, OK?” you tilt your head, taking a deep breath. “I
think you have potential, just find a new outfit, something…amazing. I would
love to see you wearing something cool, it sure feels like you work out,” you
squeeze his biceps, quite impressed. He mutters with his gag on and you kiss
his cheek, getting up. “Don’t worry, we’ll let you go here shortly. Great job,
J, also pass. Hey, no!” you slap the Joker’s hand when he tries to take off
Batsy’s mask. “You know the rule, we don’t do that here. You can do it after
you’re out there on your own and you catch him again, OK?”
“Ok, baby, “ he roars your way and
you shake your head.
“Stop flirting I said, do you really
want me to drop you?!”
“No, sir…ma’am, “ he chuckles, opening
the door for you.
You walk in front of them towards
your office again.
“Next week’s task is to find your own
distinctive style you guys. Good luck!”
“OK, Harvey, what are you going for?” you sniffle as you watch him getting up
from his seat, wearing a very nice suit.
“I am going for the classic, elegant
style,” he proudly states, turning around so you can observe better.
“Nice, senator, nice! We need someone
with elegance and charm out there,” you agree, marking “pass” in his papers and
he sits down, lifting his eyebrows towards his opponent, full of himself.
The Joker grinds his silver teeth,
“J, what are you going for?”
“Gangster style,” he widely smirks,
getting up now and slowly turning around so you can notice everything.
“We didn’t have any good gangsters
lately. Are you going to button your shirt?”
“Highly doubt it, people need to see
my awesome physique, I don’t work out like crazy for nothing.”
“Hmmm, I like the gold chains, are
“Not too bad, wanna feel them for
yourself, Doll?” and without waiting for an answer he grabs you hand and places
it on his chains, then slowly moves it down on his abs, giving you that
devilish Casanova look you kind of like on him.
“E-hem,” you fakely cough, enjoying
feeling his soft skin.“ Stop flirting!” and you take your hand away, not before
you unconsciously trace his JOKER
tattoo for a few more seconds.
“Yes, ma’am,” he winks, happy to see
the disapproving glare Dent gives him.
“E-hem,” you cough again, taking
notes. “For next time you have to blow up something important. Both pass, by
“Senator, what did you blow up?”
“Gotham’s police station!”
“Jesus, was Gordon inside?!” you jump
from your desk, scared.
“No, no, of course not, I made sure
“Oh, thank God,” you exhale in relief. “I really like that dude, too bad he’s
on the wrong side. Pass, senator,” you scribble on his chart.
“I blew up The Wayne Mansion.”
“Huh?! Why? How is that important?”
you ask, debating if he should pass on this one or not.
“Bruce Wayne is a narcissistic, rich
prick and for some reason he gets on my nerves. Wealthy bastards need to know
we are after their fortune, Gotham doesn’t belong to them. No one is safe,” he
concludes his presentation, surprised you didn’t get it.
“Well, that makes sense, I guess, “
you narrow your eyes, thinking. “Pass. Next week you have to show me some
smooth moves on your seduction skills. You will sometimes need them to ensure
You can’t help but notice the smug
look on both their faces.
“Harvey, you first.”
He gets up, comes over and kisses
your hand, not breaking eye contact with you.
“Enchante, Miss Y/N,” and he kisses
your hand again.
“Wow, Mister Dent, you are so
charming and I am crazy about French! Pass!” you declare, not wanting to let
go. “So smooth, just lovely, magnificent job!” you keep on praising him to The
“J, what have you got?”
He mumbles something not very nice
towards the senator, comes in front of you and starts purring.
“You want Daddy to give you something
you’ll never forget?” he pulls down on your bottom lip with his thumb.
“Daddy knows how to make you happy, you naughty girl,” he brings his face
closer to yours and you gulp.
“Ummm, what e-exactly are you going
for?” you stammer for a second, trying to control yourself. Jeez, he got
“Seductive gangsta style, you like
it, Kitten?” he bites his lips, staring at yours.
“Yes, pass!” you yank you head away and go sit at your desk, trying to gain
composure before they both notice how flustered you are.
“Oh, goody,” he snickers, confident
on his skills now. He stretches in front of Harvey on purpose. “I’m soooo
Harvey gives him the finger and J
groans towards him, annoyed.
“OK, gentlemen, next time I see you I
will just have to sign your certificates and you will be ready to get out there
and start mayhem.”
You and The Joker got there first and
now he’s holding you in his arms, his hands all over you..
“Last night was great, Princess, am I
going to see you again tonight?”
“Maybe…” you giggle, kissing him.
“Daddy would love to…”
You notice Harvey coming in and you
take a step back, slapping J as hard as you can: “Stop flirting or I’ll drop
“What the…?” he moves his jaw
“Serves you right!” Harvey starts
laughing and The Joker realizes why you did it.
“Yeah, I’m a flirt, can’t help it,”
he grunts, rubbing his cheek.
You try to make it short because you
feel uncomfortable you almost got busted.
“Here are your signed certificates,
congratulations to both, now go out there and make us proud!”
“Thank you, Miss Y/N, “ Dent comes
and kisses you hand again, ready to turn Gotham upside down and then he exits
your office, not before he “accidentally” bumps into The Joker:
“Excuse me, sir,” he huffs.
“You’re excused,” J mumbles,
“Here’s your certificate,” you hand
it over to him to distract him from his murderous intent towards Harvey and he immediately
“Listen, Doll, I need a Queen, it’s an
emergency, I wanna start shit tonight. Can’t show my face out there alone with just
my men. It would be inappropriate for The King Of Gotham and I don’t have time
to search around. Are you interested?”
he gropes you, yanking you in his arms again.
“What do you have to offer?” you
whisper, getting lost in his blue eyes.
“What I offered last night,” he
kisses you roughly , “and everything else you want, sky’s the limit.”
“Well, if it’s an emergency…” you pretend to debate, “ I guess I have to help.”
Somebody asked me to write more Mira x Freed (or at least I decided to take their question that way), so I picked a prompt at random and got this (the prompt is the title). It was supposed to be a one-shot. We’ll see.
Close Your Eyes and Hold Out Your Hands
“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”
How many times had Mirajane said that to others? Countless times to her younger brother and sister (set aside the ache at the memory of losing Lisanna). Many times with friends and coworkers. It hadn’t occurred to her before, but she had almost always been the one giving the instructions. She eyed the green-haired man across the bar from her dubiously.
“I’m working right now, Freed,” she said hesitantly, not quite liking to tell him that she didn’t know what to make of him yet, which meant that she was reluctant to close her eyes. It was unlike her to be so hesitant with a patron once they had been coming into the bar for a few weeks. On the rare occasions that she really didn’t like somebody, the person would find the service poor and the company surly, and go off in search of a more convivial place to eat and drink.
“Ms. Alberona,” Freed said to the woman who was nursing a dark drink a couple of seats down, “will you watch me to ensure fair play?”
“Oh?” Cana Alberona looked up from contemplating liquor in front of her. She turned on her bar stool, crossing one well-shaped, muscular leg over the other and letting a sandal dangle from one foot. She’d seen the man called Freed—whose last name escaped her—before, but she hadn’t realized that he was interested in Mira. That was surprising. Cana kept a close eye on Mira and acted as the bar’s unofficial bouncer whenever Mira’s brother Elfman wasn’t around.
“Ms. Strauss is concerned that I will do something inappropriate if she closes her eyes, I think.”
Cana snorted. “I’d like to see you try!”
“Would you?” The man gave her an appraising sort of look, and Cana felt a strange desire to shiver. That was ridiculous. Freed was a reasonably tall man, and looked very fit, but the neat, summer-weight jacket and too-new black jeans argued against the kind of power it would take to make even a dent on Magnolia’s reigning bare-knuckles champion (men and women). Cana’s eyes narrowed.
“Do you fight?” she asked peremptorily.
“Only when I must.” The man shrugged, dismissing the topic, and returned to his initial question. “I would like to give a small gift to Ms. Strauss, but rules are rules. I thought that if you were watching, Ms. Alberona, then Ms. Strauss would be more amenable to closing her eyes.”
“Are you serious?”
“About which part?”
“You know she’s nervous, but you want her to close her eyes anyway just because of some kids’ game? You know: ‘Open your hands and close your eyes and you will get a nice surprise!’ People learned not to play games with me a long time ago.”
Freed shook his head. “This isn’t a game.” He smiled at Mirajane, and Cana saw his expression soften, going from cool and impersonal to gentle and admiring. And yet, there was a weird feel to it that Cana couldn’t put her finger on. “Well, Ms. Strauss?” the man said quietly to Mira.
Mirajane had been following the rather odd conversation in silence, her usual forthright cheerfulness dimmed by the uneasy discomfort that seemed to come over her whenever the green-haired man was around. There was something about him that called to her, but she had no idea why. Called to her and made her nervous, for no discernable reason. Nevertheless, she had a job to do and she was damned if she’d let anyone make her twitchy like this in her own bar.
“Oh, sure. It’s not a problem, especially with Cana here.” Mira smiled, seeming to shrug off any apprehension she’d been feeling. “Besides, rules are rules and I like gifts!” She closed her eyes and reached her hands across the bar.
Or the one where Lucien’s crazy about you and Klaus is crazy about you and they are two very different things.
Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson/She.
Potential TW: Blood, crazy dude is crazy, Lucien has no chill, and biting but not the good kind.
A cold chill swept through the open balcony door, billowing the silk curtains like dancers twirling in a silent dance. It was so quiet in the room she could hear her own breathing, the cacophony of hitched gasps and worried cries. He shouldn’t have been able to get in, he had never been invited in. She had made sure of that as soon as she knew of his existence.
But there he stood, inches over the threshold of her balcony with a sickening smile on his face as he drank her in. Lucien was everything she didn’t want in a man - a monster - but there he stood, blood dripping down his chin and onto his white blouse. She didn’t care what he called his silk shirt, it was a blouse. How odd, she mused, that I am thinking of his attire at a moment like this.
“Oh my love, how silly of you to think you could escape me.” His laugh was like delicate chimes cracking under a heavy boot. “That you and I were not meant to be. That I couldn’t find you, get to you.”
“How?” Her voice was like soft rain, but a patter in the room. She knew he could barely hear her over the thud of her heart but his lips twitched in response. He wasn’t going to tell her.
“Please.” She didn’t know what she was begging for. A swift death, a calmer setting. All she knew was she was afraid of the thing in front of her, perhaps she was stupid enough to beg him to let her go.
His fist slammed into the plaster beside her head in a breath, his face dangerously close as his veins crinkled under his eyes. Laughing a low purr, he trailed a bloody hand along her cheek as he leaned to whisper in her ear.
“Oh love, why can’t you just understand how perfect we are for each other? What a wonderful wife, vampire, you’ll make?”
There was a creak in a floorboard outside her door, loud enough that Lucien’s had covered her mouth as she was about to scream. Although she had already thought better of it. If it were a mere human they would be dead in a snap. Why did she have to go to that market on that specific day?
Had she truly needed fresh flowers that badly?
“Sh, Sh, Sh.” He slowly lifted his hand from her mouth, pressing the red stained finger to his own lips. She could only hope her mouth didn’t have any of the blood on it. “Who is it?”
“It’s the queen of England, care for some tea?” It was a female voice, one she didn’t recognize and obviously neither did he. But she knew that phrase. She had been told the royal answer.
“Oh, the king is always allowed to have tea in here.” It was rushed, but a whisper as Lucien tried to stop her but she had practiced saying it quick enough. Those were the key to her safety and she wouldn’t let him steal that.
With a mighty groan, the door flew off it’s hinges. The splintered wood hit the opposite wall, knocking down framed photos and denting the plaster. She couldn’t even bring herself to care when she saw the man who stood in the doorway, golden eyes and all. Klaus Mikaelson wasn’t her favourite person in the world but she had never been more glad to see anyone.
“Release her.” Lucien clearly hadn’t known she knew Klaus. If he had, perhaps he would have double-checked to make sure vervain was still in his system. He’d been doing so much speeding around trying to get to her that he had skimped on his habits.
Letting her arms fall from his hands, he gritted his teeth as Klaus waltzed through her door with a biting grin on his face. A woman she figured was Hayley stood in the threshold, Elijah to her side as Kol leaned on the cream coloured wall in the hall. Klaus approached the both of them slowly, sliding his frame between she and Lucien, a hand reaching back to curve her waist. It was supposed to be kind, she thinks but it was a little disconcerting when his face was all ick.
“Can you do me a favour doll, invite in my family.”
Mulling it over, she took in stoic Elijah in all his demure sensibility, Hayley who’s wide eyes blinked at her comfortingly and Kol who was bat shit crazy, a smirk on delicate lips.
“You are allowed in.”
She couldn’t breath, couldn’t move. Not when she had shut her eyes for a moment only to open them to see Klaus bite Lucien and inject him with werewolf venom as Hayley did the same in his wrist. Elijah was pining him down while Kol searched through his wallet, pulling out a photo and promptly shriveling his nose at it. Flashing it at Klaus only angered the man more and his hand clamped around the screaming man’s wound, pushing into the oozing flesh.
“Stop,” Her voice was nothing over the screams. “Please. Niklaus, stop!” It went silent, all eyes on her as she stumbled from the wall she’d used to prop herself up.
“Love,” Lucien begged but she recoiled at his voice, Klaus at her side in a instant.
“Please, not here. I don’t care what you do. Just, not here.” She pleaded, imagining the sanctity of her apartment being further tarnished by this monster.
“Of course doll, we will go elsewhere.” Klaus nodded at his group, the lot of them speeding off with infiltrator in tow. The gush of air pushed her unstable body further into his, his hand hooking around her elbow as she promptly burst into tears. Who could blame her really when she was so confused, so scared?
“It’s alright, you’re safe now. I never would have let that man hurt you.” He cooed, running a hand through her hair and balancing her when she sagged into him. His lips pressed to her hairline, unmoving even as her body shook with sobs.
“You will sleep at the compound tonight, alright? You have no door and this place is no longer safe.” She couldn’t argue with that. Instead, she let him sweep her into his arms and carry her off into the night.
She was sweating when her eyes snapped open, her body reacting to the memory of a foe as she instinctively curled in on herself as she realized the scream echoing the room was hers. A hand landed on her shoulder and she jumped, squeaking as her eyes met blue ones. Klaus. Wait.
“Klaus? Wha- Why - Bed, me, you - what?” She fumbled for the sheets, pulling them to cover her loose fitting sleep shirt that she was now painfully aware of not wearing a bra under.
“Sh, calm down doll. Don’t want to scare Hope.” He soothed, pulling her back into the comfy confines of bed. She tensed, wide eyes on him as he tugged her into his chest protectively.
“Uh, what are you doing?”
“Oh relax. I carried you here, you were having nightmares so I stayed. Your death grip on my arm wasn’t going to let me go anywhere either.” Her shoulders slumped a little, surprised by his warmth and how comfortable she felt in his arms.
“Can I ask you something?”
“How did you know he was at my apartment? Why have you been so willing to protect me ever since you found out he was obsessed with me when we have only met each other once?”
“I had men outside your apartment, just in case and Lucien killed them but one had already called.” He paused for a moment and she waited for him to answer her other question. He didn’t. Because he’s a stubborn ass.
“And,” He licked his lips slowly (which was just rude), “I don’t know. There is something about you. Something innocent, kind. You know the darkness that lurks in the corners of your streets but you buy flowers, wear them in your hair and on your clothes. It reminds me that there is beauty in the darkness.” When he looked down at her, his eyes were soft like shattered diamonds begging her to piece them together with her gaze.
There was a pregnant pause, long and soothing as they simply stared. Then it his turn to ask a question. One she didn’t want to answer. One she might not like the answer to.
“Why did you trust me enough to rely on me as your source of safety, to invite me into your home?”
“Because there’s something about you.” She replied, hand sliding to rest over where his heart once beat. “Lucien,” She cringed at his name, only relaxing at the hand Klaus used to push her head onto his collarbone as he trailed fingers through her hair. “He has this feeling surrounding him, like he could snap like a high strung twig. You, you’re the ‘big bad wolf’ but you’re not. Not to me. When we first met, you smiled at me - teeth and all - when I thanked you for picking up my bouquet and it was soothing, innocent as you said.”
“I am far from innocent doll, I have done horrendous things.”
“There are bad acts, then there are bad people.”
“And which category do I fall under?”
“I think you fall under a category all your own; a good man who was handed an evil gift that he has done his best with - even though he has done unspeakable things.”
Before he could respond, a soft cry broke in from the nursery and she stopped him from getting up. He wasn’t one to let others hold his daughter, especially not strange women but for some terrifying reason, he found himself trusting her as she cradled the now silent child.
“Do you see her?” She questioned, careful as she climbed onto the bed and under the sheets with Hope cradled tightly. “Do you see your baby? How could an evil man create something like her?”
And for once, Klaus found he had nothing to say because how could he deny how wonderful his daughter was? How could he not accept every word out of this beautiful woman’s mouth?
She was silent for a long while, rocking the baby like it was a normal occurrence in her life even though she realized how weird it kind of was when something hit her.
“Where is Lucien?”
Laughing, his lips met her cheek as a blush lit her face and he whispered in her ear - as she tried not to fall in love with him then and there.
“Somewhere you will never have to worry about him again, I told you I would protect you and I can guarantee you I always will.”
Oh shit waddup. This is hecka long and makes no sense but klaus is my main hoe and I need to stop writing when I’m sleep drunk pls send help lol (ps this is unedited because it’s late and I’m exhausted)
FOREWARNING THIS CONTAINS SMUT AND PROFANITY READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.( It has come to my attention that this fic “promoted rape and abusive content” Although that was not my intention nor do I believe it really promoted such things, I do apologize and I wish that you be aware and be prepared for the content you will view if you do choose to read this fic. Thank you)
Pillows were thrown. Doors were slammed and there were some dents in the furniture and walls. That was the aftermath of the fight you and baekhyun had earlier. He had accused you of cheating on him when your coworker texted you asking to do his shift that night.
" You’re not allowed to text him!“ Baekhyun shouted at you as you paced around the room trying to calm yourself. ” Baekhyun hes my fucking co-worker for the last fucking time!“ You screamed at him. Your profanity just seemed to piss him off even more. ” Dont talk to me like that!“ he growled dangerously. You grabbed the nearest pillow to you and whipped it at him ” GET OUT!“ you screamed. He flinched at your sudden harshness but his scowl returned. He turned around abruptly and stormed towards the door. Soon the door slammed shut and you were left alone in your apartment. Part of you wanted to cry but the more dominant part of you wanted to crush his thick skull.
You sat in the living room when the door to your apartment swung open. Baekhyun stalked in obviously still mad about earlier. You had made the mistake of leaving your phone on the kitchen counter and baekhyun walked right up to it. The screen lit up as you got another message from your co-worker. ” Thanks for today!“ baekhyun imitated in a dumb voice. You rolled your eyes and walked towards him and tried to snatch your phone from him but he tossed it to the other side of the room. ” Baekhyun!“ You gasped out. Suddenly he grabbed your hips hard and slammed you against the wall. ” ouch.“ you hissed as you felt a small pain in your shoulder. ” Thanks for today?“ baekhyun said lowly. ” What exactly is he thankful for huh?“ He squeezed your hips hard enough to leave a bruise. ” Baekhyun let go!“ You hissed at him. You tried to get out of his grasp but he slammed you against the wall again. ” Did you fuck him?“ Huh did you?” he growled close to your face. You wrinkled your nose and said “ That ridiculous why would-” He cut you off with a hard smack to the ass that made you yelp. “ You didnt answer me.” he said dangerously. His eyes had a mixture of anger and lust. It turned you on. He grabbed your ass harshly and squeezed it. “ Im only allowed to touch you like this.” He reached down with one hand and touched your clothed woman hood making you jump. “ Im only allowed to feel you like this.” He bit your neck and sucked making you moan with pleasure. “ You’re only mine. ” he growled against your neck. In one swift move he tossed you over his shoulder and went to the bedroom. He threw you on the bed immediately smashing his lips into yours. His hands went to your shirt pulling it off, breaking the kiss. Your lips reattached in a second as he began to unbutton your jeans. You were left in your undergarments and he liked it. Groping your breast he gave it a rough squeeze then moved the bra out of the way. Your nipples had hardened as he took one in his mouth and sucked on it. You moaned and gripped his head, He bit and flicked your nipple with his tounge as his other hand traveled down south to your clothed womanhood. He felt the slickness that had gathered and soaked your panties. He chuckled and said “ I bet he couldnt make you this wet.” He slithered down your body biting and sucking giving you hickeys all over. He Kissed your clothed entrance and you shivered in anticipation. He pulled down your panties down to your knees and suddenly licked your clit making you jump. He began to suck and nibble. You moaned with pleasure as he licked your entrance. Suddenly he stuck a finger in you and your hips bucked involuntarily. He stuck in another finger as you whimpered in pain and pleasure. He began pumping slowly still sucking. He began to pump faster as you moaned a little louder each time. He abruptly pulled out making you whine from feeling empty. He examined his finger now covered in your fluids and sticky. He smirked at you and stuck his fingers in your mouth. “ Suck.” He commanded. You obeyed and licked his fingers clean. He took his fingers out of your mouth. Quickly discarding his clothing he sat and positioned himself at your entrance. Without warning he suddenly slammed his member into you. You screamed his name from the sudden burst of pain. He didnt give you time to adjust as he began to thrust into you. He moaned and held your hips gripping them to the breaking point. He snapped his hips against yours faster and faster. You panted and moaned holding onto the bed sheets for dear life. He grabbed your legs and draped them over his shoulder so he could push into you further. “ Who makes you feel this good huh?” He asked out of breath. “ You baekhyun.” you moaned quietly. “ WHAT?” he shouted as he slammed into you hard. “ You! Baekhyun!” You cried. He kept thrusting into you. “ Yeah thats right. Me and only me.” He confirmed. You were at the peak of your orgasm when baekhyun pulled out of you. You whimpered because you were so close and he knew it. “ Flip.” He demanded. You got on all fours. Suddenly you felt him slam into you again making you scream. His thrusts were fast and hard making you see stars. “ Baekhyun I-I-” You stuttered. “ Come for me baby come now.” He growled while groping one of your cheeks. You let out a moan as you came and clenched your walls around him. He groaned as his thrusts became erratic. “ Fuck, im almost there.” he said. He snapped his hips against yours four times before he released inside you. He moaned as he rode his orgasm out. He dropped on you breathing heavily. Both of you were out of breath. He pulled out and rolled off of you and pulled you close. “ Im sorry I got so mad. ” He confessed. “Its alright. You should get made more often actually.” You assured. He smiled and said seriously “ You’re mine got that?” You nodded as he kissed your forehead and the both of you slipped into slumber.
OMO MY FIRST SMUT. I FELT SO WEIRD WRITING THIS. I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY. IM SORRY MOMMY!!!!!!!! But anyway I hope you liked it anon! send in your requests yo.
* Lafayette × Reader
* Requested: Lafayette trying to calm down the reader who is stressing and panicking of homework and class work missed whilst being off sick from college and on top of that cause she didn’t move away from her home her parents expect her to look after her younger siblings after class and all of it is just causing one big panic attack
A/N: I will usually not do this but I’m going to post this request first. Usually I’ll post them in the order I get them but I was struggling with inspiration for the Hercules imagine. I’ve got a fairly decent idea now so it should be up sometime tonight. I’ve got another imagine done that I’ll post tomorrow sometime.
Oh and this kinda strays from the prompt. More like I took the idea and really broadened it, I hope that’s ok. I still kept what was asked it’s just…oh I don’t even know. You’ll see. I hope you all still enjoy!
Word Count: 3,486
You slowly pried your eyes open as you hit the snooze button on your phone. You grabbed a tissue from the nightstand, ready to accept your illness for another day. Instead, you realized you could breath through your nose and your persistent headache was finally gone. You sat up and took a moment to enjoy being healthy again. But it was Wednesday. And you missed a week of class.
Groaning, you flung the covers off and dressed for class. You heard a knock on the door of your apartment before a key clicked and the door swing open. “Mon amie?” Lafayette called. He’d been coming to check on you since you started getting sick.
“Yeah?” You responded, rounding the corner.
“You are better!” He said happily.
“Finally. Gah, I’m pretty sure I had the plague or something.” You complained.
“I’m pretty sure it was a severe cold mon amie.” He told you.
“Nah, it was obviously the plague.” You shot back, enjoying your natural playful banter. Lafayette hung around your apartment and walked you to your first class. “This is gonna suck.” You whined.
Short story time: At the beginning of May, I was hit while driving by another car that decided red lights don’t mean stop (what a bitch). Three years prior I hit a car that I’m pretty sure came the fuck out of nowhere (‘funny note’—I can’t remember a lot from that accident). And I have been in the car as a passenger during a couple negligible rear-ending incidents (one which happened days after my first big accident and caused me to have a panic attack).
So what do you do in the aftermath of a car accident?
FIRST—Check on YOU: You read it in airplane emergency brochures—help yourself before assisting your fellow passengers. The same thing goes for car accidents. Make sure that you’re okay before helping everyone else. Here’s what I do: check for major bleeding, wiggle toes, fingers, roll neck gently, feel body for debris. You can do this pretty damn quickly. But you’re no fucking use to anyone if you’re injured and bleeding and trying to help other passengers. Why? Because you’ll only hurt yourself further, and may injure the other person, as well.
Check on other passengers. Were you driving with other people in the car? Or are you another passenger being driven by someone else? Look around the vehicle and audibly ask if each person is okay. If anyone’s injured badly, take note, because you’ll need to describe this to the emergency operator.
Turn off the vehicle (if possible). Whenever your car is hit, especially if it’s hit near the engine or gas tank, turn the car off. The last thing you want is a fucking giant ball of fire on the side of the road. Also, turning off the car can make you feel like you’re doing something normal(ish), which might help keep your noggin calm.
Exit the car (if possible). Sometimes you can’t exit the car the normal way. You might have to crawl through a window, or crawl around the car to exit through a door that’s working. My first accident was a T-bone that resulted in my door being slammed in. The electric doors in the car were fucked up already, so my only way out was to have the responding officer rip the door off (the look on his face as he tried to open the other doors was fucking hilarious, though).
Do you need police/fire/ambulance? Then…
Call emergency services. The operator will ask you your location. Try to name off a nearby intersection, mile marker, or landmark—this can help first responders locate you more quickly. It pays to know where the fuck you are. Describe your car. Name the number of people and their injuries, if you can. Say how many cars were involved.
While you’re waiting, if you can, grab any personal belongings from your car (purse, backpack, etc.). In case your car is towed, you might lose access to these things. If your phone is working, take pictures of the scene. This can help later with insurance stuffs, or if it’s needed as court evidence. Or you can even use them to create a scrapbook memorial page mourning the loss of your first car. Also, call any important people who should know that you were in a bad accident: parents, spouse, lover, friends, boss, etc.
Is it a minor dent/scratch and no one’s hurt? Then…
Call the police anyway. Why? Because as good as some people can be, some will do anything to avoid taking fault for an accident. This can come back to bite you in the ass when you’re trying to get reimbursed by the other persons’ insurance company for any work your car needs. So why do I need a cop? Because they can be a third party witness who can assign a ticket to the faulted party, collect insurance information, and describe the details of your car.
If you really don’t want to call the cops…get the other person’s insurance. Take a picture of your car and their car. Shit, take a picture of their insurance card. Don’t let them get away by just giving you their first name and a phone number—you’ll never hear from them again. Be assertive about getting it, and if they’re hesitant or violent, CALL THE COPS.
Important things to note: Don’t forget to call your insurance company and let them know about the accident! Write down the number of the agent who you’ll be talking to. Get the cop’s name and badge number, the police report number, towing company, the names of everyone involved. Your insurance company will ask you to give your statement. Before telling them, write everything down so you know what to say and so you can make sure you didn’t forget to mention anything.
Try to stay as calm as possible, at least when you’re on the phone. It’s really hard for emergency responders to get information out of someone who’s crying.
Bring a bag or box with you to get the stuff out of your car, if it’s been towed. If you had stuff in boxes in your trunk, they may have been busted during the accident, so you’ll be happy you brought a bag.
Don’t text and drive! Seriously! If you kill someone because you decided texting was more important than paying attention to the road, I hate you and hope you rot (fuck you, fuck you, fuck you). Same thing with cell phone calls! The person on the other end of the line doesn’t know if they’re distracting you, and not having two hands on the wheel can lead to some gnarly accidents (especially in bad weather). Bluetooth headsets are super-cheap nowadays, and a lot of states (like Illinois!) are making hands-free laws (IE, you need to use a bluetooth device while driving or else it’s a pricy ticket).
Even if you end up not going to the hospital, see your doctor the next day. Let them know you were in a car accident. Sometimes your body takes a while to tell you that you have an injury. Also, sometimes what you think is nothing can lead to major neck/back/brain problems later, so this can save you in the long run.
Also, BIG TIP: If you’re the car who hit someone, never say “I’m sorry.”That is considered an admission of guilt and is ultimately what got me charged as being Car 1 (car at-fault) in my first accident. Even though both I and the other car were technically at fault, the responding officer chose me (poo).
Stay safe, pay attention to the road, and wear your seatbelts! -The Sudden Adult
PS. It’s totally OKAY to cry and freak out a bunch after an accident. I can only manage to remain calm enough to call 911 and talk to the police, but when I call my parents I cry a bunch. Luckily my mom is fluent in The Sudden Adult’s Tear-Filled Rambling and can decipher that I want my dad there to talk ‘police’ with the police (plus he’s a big fat guy, so hugging him’s like hugging a giant mustachioed grizzly).