do i have to do everything by myself

We Were Eletrified

October 12th, 2016

The club lights are wild, the music loud, but my attention is on him. My friends speak to me, but I can only look at him. A few meters apart, he laughs with the guys, but his head turns to glance at me from once in a while. I know he’s feeling it. Feeling this. The slight smile on his lips when our eyes meet is calling me over. Telling me to make a move.

This game we’ve been playing for the whole night is honestly making me impatient. I think we got to the point where we realised it’s not just a friendship and that makes things awkward, so we haven’t properly talked yet.

Since we came from the concert I’ve been watching him, thinking about the things we could do, but at the same time kicking myself I know anything else would complicate everything…but there’s something pulling me to him.

And I can’t stop it.

“Do I have to be the one to call him over?” Lily said as if I wasn’t there, making Martha and Suki chuckle.

“Is it that obvious?”I ask them, letting my head fall back.

“Huhum.” Cara smiles as she speaks, placing her hands on m shoulders.”Grow some balls and go for it. I’m pretty sure he won’t mind.” With a playful tap on my ass, she dismissed me.

I take one last sip of my drink and place it down on a table. With a nod and a deep breath, I walk to Joe. He notices and walks to me too. I reach him half-way and say nothing. Neither does he. But that feeling is still here. I want to act on it so much, but we’re in the middle of a crowded room. I know some eyes are on me. And on him. A lot of girls have been looking at him, and it’s been affecting me more than I want to.

“Taylor.” The sound of my name coming from his lips makes everything around us stop. For a second, it’s like it’s just me and him there. I’m breathing heavily, still not able to say anything.

I look around and grab his hand, pulling him through the crowd to the back of the club. In a darkened room, we are, at last, alone. 

“God, yo-” I stop whatever he was about to say and kiss him. Hard enough to release all the impatience and frustration he has been causing me.

He pushes me against the wall, keeping his hands on my waist as my fingers wander around on his hair. His lips are soft and rough at the same time, taking mine captive like it’s a matter of life and death. Our breathing becomes heavy in a matter of seconds and all the worries I had before vanished. 

I let my teeth sink on his bottom lip and we pull apart right after, with our foreheads touching. “Well, it was about time.” I whisper and he smiles. Even in the dark, his blue eyes are bright.

“We should go back inside.” He says. He lets one of his hands go through his hair, while the other remains on my waist. Once he lowers it, he cups my face. “Someone’s gonna notice our absence.” Yet he kisses me once again, a couple more seconds are lost, but his lips taste so good.

I look at him. I really don’t want to go back there.”Do you wanna go somewhere else?” I hear myself say.

He seems surprised by my proposal. “Are you sure?”

I nod. I want him. Badly. And I don’t want to think about the consequences of it right now. 

He responds by holding out his hand for me to take. Before doing so, with a giggle in between, I wipe the traces of lipstick from his lips with my thumb. “We can go now. ” I say and he smiles at me, taking my hand.

We walk outside and I manage to make eye contact with Martha on the way, who smirks, shaking her head. I smile back at her and change my attention to Joe. His grip on my hand is firm. He looks down at me, the corner of his lips raising, his blue eyes assuring.

In one of the cars parked in the driveway, are my bodyguards. When they notice I’m approaching, one of them exits the car and opens the door for me and Joe. We get in the backseat. “Where to Miss Swift?” Brandon, who’s in the driver’s seat asks.

“My place.” He nods to my response and pushes the button that makes the division go up.

I gaze at Joe and he grins. I look out the window, trying to contain the eagerness to jump on his lap. It becomes a hundred times worse when I feel his hand move to my thigh, his fingers under the hem of my skirt. I breathe in, felling the rush of his touch on my skin. 

Dear Lord, make the car go faster.

Up in my room, nobody’s stopping us now. The lights are low as I close the door behind me, leaning on it. I undo my ponytail and throw the hair tie somewhere just like I had done with my boots. I cross my arms as Joe walks to me. His body lean and confident. The blue in his eyes a shade darker.

“If you want us to stop, say it now.” He warns grabbing me by the waist and pulling me closer. His lips are close and sensation of his fingers touching me over the fabric of my top is impossible to ignore, which makes it hard to even think. “What if you regret it?”

I shrug, moving my hands to his neck. “I’d regret it more if I let you walk away tonight.” It’s true. Can’t hold it back any longer. This ‘pretending to be friends’ thing has lasted for too long.

“That’s what I hoped you’d say.” He smirks and tucks my hair behind my ear. “I’ll make it worth it.” Leaning down, he kisses me so urgently, taking me by surprise and pressing against the door. I let a whimper out involuntarily, and I feel him smile. Men and their ego.

He moves his lips to my jawline and I tilt my head slightly, letting out a gasp when I feel his tongue move to the crook of my neck. Amazed by the wonders of his talent, I give in to his touch.

I grab the hem of his shirt, pulling it off. My hands shoot up to his chest, exploring and feeling his skin. I connect our lips once again and slightly push him, making him walk back until we reach the bed. His hands roam to undo the zipper of my skirt, and as it falls to the floor Joe doesn’t wait and takes off my top.

When I’m left in my underwear, Joe breathes in. A reaction that leaves me more comfortable. He smiles and whispers. “You are beautiful. So beautiful.” I can’t help but run a finger down his jawline. I look him in the eyes and as softly as I can, I join our lips, trying to share through touches all the emotions he’s making me experience.

He takes off his dark jeans, holding onto me right after. He presses his body to mine. His hands go around my back, reach the hook of my bra and undo it. Slowly he pulls the straps down my shoulders. Once he takes it completely, he throws it away. 

Then, without a second thought, he grips my thighs and raises me up. I circle his waist with my legs, my bare chest against his. “I want you so much.” He admits and I know it’s true because I can feel the pressure he’s making in between my thighs.

He turns us around and gently lays me down on the bed. The anticipation is killing me, but I don’t have to wait much longer. His lips press against mine. I almost sight into the kiss. Lips and tongue moving with each other. Slow and steady. His grip on my ass and my hands on his back.

For the rest of the night, he held onto me like no one had ever before, making me feel things I didn’t know were possible. Making me feel beautiful and wanted. Kissing every part of my body. Touching me carefully and gently, letting out bodies move along in synch, not worrying about anything but pleasuring each other.

I just hope no one heard the…noise.

We now lay in bed, my head on his chest and our legs tangled up with the sheets. He has one of his arms around my shoulder and the other one under his head. My fingers move up and down his chest, watching as it rises and falls softly.“I can’t believe we just had sex.” A smile beams on his face as he looks down at me and I hide my face on his neck. 

He chuckles at my reaction, changing our position, so he hovers over me.”Wanna do it again? Just to make sure it was real.” He asks and I giggle when he kisses the tip of my nose, my cheeks and then my forehead.

tkthistkthat  asked:

Did you go to an art school to persue in an art career? Or do you just free lance? Either way, do you have any advice for aspiring artists?

I did! I went to SCAD to study animation.

I sometimes think about whether or not I should have gone to school, because honestly I could have taught myself everything I learned there. You certainly don’t need a fancy degree to become a great artist, you just need to do your own research and practice. I know that literally everyone says that, but it’s true.

But if I’m perfectly honest, I don’t regret going to college, even with the debt that I’m currently in. It was an experience I cherish, from living on my own in a different state to meeting all of the people I met, I wouldn’t trade that time of my life for anything in the world. Networking is really important, you could be a less experienced artist than someone else, but if you know someone in the industry, you have a better shot at getting a job in it. It sucks, but that’s how it is. So college or no college, it still pays to work hard and meet other creators.

And get your work out there! No one’s gonna know what you can do unless you show it!

The best decision I ever made was stop thinking everyone and everything was my responsibility, which wasn’t me not caring anymore, because I used to think caring meant active involvement and “doing something” about the situation, I used to tell myself about what justice was, what the definition of being a “good” person was, about verses in the Quran, and I was so hell bent on defining things within a fine parameter that I was killing myself over trying to fit into it. I used to be so hard on myself every time I walked beyond that 2 inch square I had built. And the reason I’m mentioning this is because I saw someone talking about feeling responsible for other people, people who believe they “care” too much. And other people usually advise them to stop overthinking or to stop caring, and they generally tend to become colder people, they shut off, and suffer inside. And I don’t want that. Because there is a solution, and it’s not changing who you are, you care about the world, about people, about everything, that is freaking amazing, that is beautiful, to be blessed with that heart, by not caring, you’re neglecting your gift, your blessing, subhanAllah, people wish they could feel as much, but they never do. That said, so why are you suffering if it’s such a gift? Why you? Why must you care so much that it’s actually counter productive? Well the problem is how you handle this heart of yours. See, we all know too much of anything is bad, too little isn’t great either, and balance is the key to life, all in all, we’re all trying to balance things and it gets out of control pretty quick sometimes. So what do you do? When every war is heavy on your heart, every friend is family, everything wrong in the world is just too much to fix? And you guys know I’m not giving inspirational no-good speeches, I believe in the how-to’s of everything. Pro-active solutions. So here is what I think will help, should help. Since it helped me.

1. Re-define all your definitions. Are you certain about what things are? What things mean? What does the term “caring” mean to you? How “good” is a good person? What does “love” mean to you? Now I’m not saying your definitions are wrong, but are you aware of them? Their borders, in and outs? Why you think caring means 24/7 availability? Why love means giving material objects, perhaps? Is “kindness” giving money to the poor, or food? or perhaps you believe you’re doing them a favour by not giving them access to drugs? What defines your morality, your heart, your mind, what do you think, really, deep down, and why? Is it because your parents taught you that? Is it because your first love showed you, you had to be careful with your heart? What’s going on inside? Because the answers are not in anyone else’s inbox, they’re inside you. And inside books you choose to read. Educational videos you decide to watch. 

2. Open yourself up to the idea that you’re dead wrong. About everything, and not in a “I’m a victim, I was wrong to believe in so and so, and such and such thing, I always get the short end of the stick.” No. That is all utter crap. You are no goody-two-shoes-Sally okay? Don’t be offended now, just accept that whatever happens in life, you have a part in it. even if it goes so far as you simply being present for a thing to happen. Let me explain this: Imagine you’re a kid, two or three years old, you father beats the shit out of you, is that your fault? Hell no! but for it to have taken place, you had to be present, he had to be present. His rage, his imbalance etc, your mother’s silence maybe, isolation, all that, had to be present, for a situation to manifest itself. Because life is not coincidental, it’s maybe accidental at times. Like a well cooked meal, it needs the right ingredients to play a certain tune, you catch my drift? So now you look back, at all the shit that has ever happened, at all your emotions, all your pain, loneliness, anger, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, just everything bad you can recall happening, and then you do the same but with the good stuff, what’s the best time of your life? What’s the best feeling? And you don’t think about what the ingredients in the pot were, no, you think about the grocery shopping, you think about ‘hey, what did I do that made that thing happen?’ because that is the ingredient, see having a good time with friends, you might think the ingredient is Person A, C, and F, but they are not. The ingredient is you being amongst people with the same interests as you, it’s the song that was playing, it’s the dress you were wearing, it’s the perfume you used that morning. It’s the things that built the foundation for that scene to manifest itself. The reason I say it’s not the people, because people are not the same as things, things are what you have control over, people do as the please. A song won’t change its tune, a perfume won’t change it’s scent, you know what to expect from those things, you can use them as constants in your life, and the people who end up changing, you change them. Trust me, even if people have inherent individual worth, and no two people are the same, they are replaceable. Yes no one will take their spot, but dude you have a big ass parking lot inside. Make space for better. Always. 

3. Now you’ve defined what matters to you, why it does, you have clear boundaries, you know what constitutes to having a good day, having a good life, feeling good about yourself, get chopping. Unapologetic. Chop chop chop. No guilt, no “I’m sorry”, be brave enough to give yourself what you know you need. Not what you think you want. Be your own damn parent. And I swear by it, you will be better for it. 

Now I know that went off track, because I started off with something and ended up giving advice on something different entirely, but it’s related. I think. 

So how do you stay caring and loving and all that stuff, without hurting? You pick your battles, the same way you picked out your life, the part of life that you have control over. Now this is important, because building your life does not mean it’s in your hands 100%. Remember that, it’s all from Allah, or whatever you believe in, fate, universe, etc. But when people say play the hand you are dealt with, it means you do have some degree of control. From the previous example, chopping people off, you can’t always do that, but where you can, do it. Trust me. Do it where you can. Assess all situation in terms of what is within your control, and what is not. Say you hear about mass shootings or wars and what not, and it’s there constantly in the news, you’re all heavy from it. Assess the situation. What are you doing? Why are you paying attention to all this? To be informed? So people don’t think you’re a ditz? Because you “care”? Come on now, what can you do from where you are? Do you feel helpless? Why do you feel helpless? Would you feel it if you didn’t know it was even happening? What did you do after feeling awful about it all? Let me guess, watch some netflix and forgot about it? Maybe you even prayed, or donated some money. Now I’m not saying you’re a bad person for not being actively involved in helping the world out, I’m saying, what is the need to be involved in this situation when you are incapable of making a difference? 

You heard me, I’m actually telling you, that you, as an individual can’t make a difference all the time.You might believe you can, hell we grow up hearing how important we are, and our individual person powers. That’s crap. Be realistic now, what are you actually affecting by listening to that friend that never considers your advice but complains all the time about it? Do you think she feels better knowing someone is listening? What does that friend do for you? What’s that? Nothing? Then how is you listening to her mishaps make you a good friend? When she’s not a friend to begin with? Are you really a “good friend” for letting her continue this hazardous cycle? Are you afraid she will hate you for not listening to her? Maybe she will be forced into taking action towards her own shit, that is her responsibility because her cushion is gone. So yeah maybe she doesn’t like you now. But it led to something better. That is how the world works. Ingredients for situations to manifest. Why bad is situational, and why sometimes good does come out of it, but maybe it’s good for someone else, and not us. Stop living life, like it was made for you. The world has so many people, all living exactly like you, and the world really is fair in the sense that it’s unfair to everyone. Maybe some people have more than you, so what? There are those who have less. Shit man, what did you get? Eat the damn bread and stop looking at the guy who got the cake. Someone went hungry that night. And what did you do? Throw out the bread cause you didn’t get the cake? And I only say to look below you because you look above. You can’t choose to live like that and expect you won’t suffer. Do what you can, with what you have. Don’t give when you know it’s pointless to give, to think you know what’s best for those around you, understand what is best for you, then correlate that with other people’s needs and wants. Be fair. You can care, and love, and be kind, don’t sell yourself out for it though. Ain’t no child not being shot because you watched the news about it, because you were aware of it. All you did was have a conversation with a friend in similar shoes, what did you gain? what did you lose? Pick your battles, pick your life, where you can. Discuss something beneficial instead. And I’m not saying be ignorant, and if you can help, please, by all means do so. But know when it’s not your place. When it’s detrimental to the situation. The world isn’t yours alone, it’s not yours to have, you’re no protagonist in a novel, it’s not your responsibility, it’s the world, it’s too big, but some of that world is yours. To take, to have, to love, to care for, some of that world is your responsibility, starting from your home, to your friends, to your surroundings, but most of all, yourself. What are you doing about those things? You can’t leave trash in your bedroom and go clean the streets. Clean your room first. Cool?

to have a friend, chapter five: $98

on ao3
1 | 2 | 3 | 4

happy birthday to myself heres a mess of a chapter thats literally ALL over the place but i do what i want

ive been watching the gbbo cause ive been super sick and now i will now project as i do with everything else. speaking of which, everything thats been mentioned happening in school in this fic has happened!! that applies to this chapter too!! isnt public school fucking wild

warnings: anxiety, anxiety/panic attack, some suicidal thoughts, let me know if any other warnings should be added


“Do you usually walk home?” Evan asks, following Connor out of the school.


“Do you not— do you drive?”

Connor gives Evan a weird look. “Why?”

Evan shrugs. “I don’t— I mean, most people drive. That’s a thing. That teenagers do. Jared drives. A-Alana drives. Um…most of our senior class drives, e-even if they don’t have a car. The juniors drive. Some of the older sophomores drive—”

“And are incredibly annoying about it,” Connor interrupts.

Evan ducks his head. “Not as annoying as the freshman.”

Keep reading

ithinkdogs-shouldvote  asked:

do you have any tips for someone who is gonna be an ASM next semester and has only learned how to stage manage through experience and not through formal lessons? i'm kinda nervous i'm gonna make a fool of myself and not know what anyone is talking about when they're asking me to do stuff

You’re in a controlled educational setting, which means you are allowed to mess up…embrace it! No one expects you to know everything already, and you won’t learn the most important aspects about stage management (crisis control, personality management, etc) until you go through it, though learning as much as you can about paperwork and procedures is always a good idea. As someone who had both feet in formal SM education and learning-by-doing, you’ll learn a lot more through the latter. Take it easy on yourself, keep your eyes and ears open to those more experienced than you, and ask questions.


anonymous asked:

Hi Alex, I was wondering why you don't ask Luna about your own soulmate/twin flame? I'm not asking out of judgement!! I'm just curious because you seem to know quite a lot about this subject and answer other's questions daily. For me, I would be way too curious not to ask about my own soulmate/twin flame 😂😂

That’s a really good question, and I wish I had a really good answer for you!

I am very curious, and I do get tempted to ask about my soulmate, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m terrified it will say I don’t have a soulmate, or worse, I do, but it isn’t who I’m wishing it to be. Plus, I think we have multiple soulmates, so I fear I would get fixated on the idea that one person is my soulmate, and miss out on vital friendships with other soulmates!! But yea, that’s really all it is, way too much fear over nearly everything. 

And twin flame wise, I’m pretty sure I already met one twin flame, and I really don’t feel like I need the confirmation. Plus, if he wasn’t, then I have nothing to excuse the behaviour in our relationship with. So it’s better for me to think he was my twin flame and that he came into my life to teach me important lessons. And I really don’t want to think of having to go through that again lmao. 


– but Mint Eye Yoosung tho ((mmmMMm how r u gonna smooth all that edge))

SPOILERS!!! [sort of] gr8 now i wanna draw mint eye rfa Flipped!AU zzz ((basically the only good people are saeran and rika ++ MC idk AAAAAAAA))

sorry ive been a bit inactive bc of work but hhh here’s some quick sketches sjkdfhdk O<-<

anyone else kinda terrified you’ll never be able to hold a job in the future because of your mental illness


A pining sap


everybody lives AU | AKATSUKI
• setting — the Last

Akatsuki becomes a mercenary group for hire, as they did in Road to Ninja. 
This is more appropriately named the “everybody comes back to life and somehow things work out AU”… but as promised, 10 Akatsuki members in the timeline of The Last! Designing is fun (esp the village flak jackets) (・∀・)

See more extensive character/AU details below the cut!:

Keep reading

i wish i could do things right and i wish i had motivation to get up

🌙 Aries/Aries Moon: “I can’t wait to become an adult so I can boss people around”
🌙 Taurus/Taurus Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I can wake up whenever I want and have money”
🌙 Gemini/Gemini Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I can know everything”
🌙 Cancer/Cancer Moon: “I can’t wait to become an adult so I can have my own house and eat cereal for dinner whenever I want”
🌙 Leo/Leo Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I can buy whatever I want and choose my outfit and I can buy my own car and I can go to the casino”
🌙 Virgo/Virgo Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I know how to do everything and don’t have to ask for help”
🌙 Libra/Libra Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I can fall in love”
🌙 Scorpio/Scorpio Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I will get some respect”
🌙 Sagittarius/Sagittarius Moon: “I can’t wait to be an adult so I don’t have to follow any rules”
🌙 Capricorn/Capricorn Moon: “I can’t wait to become an adult so I can get a good job and do adult everything by myself”
🌙 Aquarius/Aquarius Moon: “I can’t wait to become an adult so people will listen to me and I don’t have to go to school anymore”
🌙 Pisces/Pisces Moon: “I can’t wait to become an adult so I can go to bed and wake up whenever I want”


Your fav is problematic: me

- claims she loves herself
- shades & colors with a mechanical pencil